Christian Concepts

Bringing your Potential to Light

Matt Pavlik

Complete Character, Confidence, and Commitment

Complete Character, Confidence, and Commitment

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Journeying through life without character is like navigating a boat without a rudder. You are moving but direction and destination will be determined by the current. Character results from the convictions of the truth that you have learned. If you haven’t learned well you will lack wisdom. Wisdom provides the opportunity to steer. Wisdom provides sure footing.

You’ve probably heard the saying, “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will take you there.” If you’re not aware of your heart motives, you likely feel lost and confused. Life is the journey of making discoveries about who God is and who you are. The more you know who you are, the more responsible you are for your actions.

Priorities Reveal Character

Taking a look at how you spend your time will reveal your commitments. But there is even more you can find if you look deeper. How do you feel about your priorities? Prideful? Fearful? Content? Do they align with your character?

Even more interesting than your feelings is contemplating why. Why are you focused on certain things over others? Your commitment reveals your values but your values reveal your deepest longings, the motivations of your heart.

For your heart will always pursue what you value as your treasure.

Matthew 6:21 TPT

What do you treasure the most based on your priorities? While there may be some changes you will want to make, you might also discover some positives. Your priorities likely align with your personality. God wants you to be able to enjoy life and pursue His priorities.

Building Character is God’s Work in You

God is working to bring you to completion. He created you and He’s working to consummate His work. To do this, He builds your character, which builds your confidence. Understanding who you are is a prerequisite to accomplishing His plan for your life.

God is the one who began this good work in you, and I am certain that he won’t stop before it is complete on the day that Christ Jesus returns.

Philippians 1:6 CEV

The more you know who you are, the more you can commit to accomplishing a great work for God. This means increased efficiency in reaching your destination. There will be fewer distractions and second-guessing.

Sowing Character Reaps Spiritual Progress

When you are locked onto a target and committed to seeing God’s priorities through to the end, that’s when you maximize your potential. Maximum potential leads to maximum results (eventually). Whatever you commit yourself to is the exact area in which you will increase, grow, and achieve.

Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant.

Galatians 6:7 NLT

God sending Jesus in human form to sacrifice Himself for our benefit is the ultimate expression of commitment. God proved He is willing to play by the same rules He’s given us. He didn’t take a “short-cut” path to victory. He proved He can walk the talk. He’s better than any of us and therefore makes the perfect example.

What things in life matter most to you? What are you truly committed to? If you don’t like what you discover, if you aren’t committed to the right things, then as you gain a greater understanding of who you are, rededicate your efforts to what matters most.

How are you feeling right now? If you find feelings of inadequacy or guilt because you aren’t doing enough of the right things for God, that’s the wrong direction. I want you to see the power of commitment. I want you to see the strength and peace when you stay focused on the truth. God means for corrections to your travels to be a hopeful experience.

The scenic route isn’t often the easiest route, but it is the most beautiful and it will be the one that will get you to where God wants you to be. Ask God to build your character, then your confidence, and then be prepared to commit to advancing God’s plans.

Learn more about personality and character.
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Last updated 2024/01/28

How To Make Trusting God Easier

How To Make Trusting God Easier

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Are you trusting God more or less than you were yesterday? If you are trusting Him less than you used to, perhaps something has happened to cause you to give up on God. God promises you are not wasting your time when you seek Him, trust Him, and make your requests known to Him.

Trusting God throughout your day can be challenging because of distractions. Some distractions are positive and some are negative. Either way, consider how much you have increased your trust in God today. The best thing you can accomplish each day is to end it by trusting God a little more.

Strengthening your faith requires an intentional effort to cleanse negative memories with God’s truth. If you want to trust God more, you must apply biblical truth to infected memories. Infected memories cause you to doubt God’s character.

Trust God Because He Knows Everything

In Isaiah 46, God says much about who He is and what He likes to do. God promises He will act. He isn’t a worthless idol. God doesn’t forget about you. He knows your future, so of course, He knows your past. He’s been attending to you since even before you were born.

I have cared for you since you were born. Yes, I carried you before you were born.

Isaiah 46:3 NLT

Trust God Because He Keeps You Safe

But that’s not all. God proclaims that He will care for you and carry you throughout your future.

I will be your God throughout your lifetime—until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you.

Isaiah 46:4 NLT

If you put your trust in something other than God, you will be disappointed. But God cares about you enough to rescue you from trouble.

[An idol] can’t even move! And when someone prays to it, there is no answer. It can’t rescue anyone from trouble.

Isaiah 46:7 NLT

God has already rescued you and is more than capable of keeping you safe.

Trust God Because He is in Control

God is in complete control of the past, present, and future. Only God can make such bold statements as these:

Remember the things I have done in the past. For I alone am God! I am God, and there is none like me. Only I can tell you the future before it even happens. Everything I plan will come to pass, for I do whatever I wish.

Isaiah 46:9-10 NLT

God can and will do whatever He wants. For those who are friends of God, this should provide increased comfort and trust. For those who are yet enemies of God, this is likely scary and irritating. I remember the emptiness I felt when I was unable to understand who God is.

Memories Can Help You Trust God

If you are a believer, then you must have some positive memories. At the very least, God has done a work in your life to cause you to cross over from death to life. Can you remember what that felt like? I remember how uplifting and hopeful I felt when I first believed.

Remembering what God has done in your life is a source of spiritual strength. When you recall the ways God has touched your life, it helps you trust Him with current life challenges. When God breaks into your life, that’s God building trust with you. Use it for all it’s worth to make your faith solid.

As you focus on the positive, be equally willing to revisit the negative memories. These significant life events desperately need to be considered in light of the truth you now know. Learn details of how to cleanse hurtful memories so you can trust God more.

God is real. Let’s pray with anticipation of the good things He will do. No matter what is happening around us, God is still good and in control.

Photo from pxhere
Last Updated 2024/09/22

Remember Your Past For A Healthy Present

Remember Your Past For A Healthy Present

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How does remembering your past help you today? Think of re-membering as bringing scattered parts of your life together. It’s like gathering the parts of a jigsaw puzzle and assembling them where they belong.

God wants you to see the whole picture of who you are. Have you ever worked on a puzzle only to get to the end and realize some pieces are missing? It’s frustrating because it feels so incomplete.

I’m fascinated by my past. I’m not thinking of historical facts. I mean my psychological and emotional journey. Memories are important because they are the key to setting a person free from being trapped in the past.

You can’t change what has happened to you but you can change its meaning. You decided how much a particular memory has the power to define who you are. They answer the question: How did I get to where I am today?

How you first experience something has long-lasting implications. Your journey is, in many ways, a series of first-time experiences. To put the pieces of your life together, you must revisit your first-time experiences to create follow-on experiences. Healing can be both strengthening the positive memories and weakening the negative ones.

Questions to Help You Remember

Your relationship with your childhood memories can tell you a lot about yourself. Here are some questions you can use to explore your emotional health:

  • How do you feel about your childhood?
  • Do you feel like you are still a child?
  • Do you feel like you are stuck in your childhood?
  • Do you feel extremely distant from childhood, almost like it was another lifetime?
  • Does childhood feel real to you or more like a fantasy?
  • Does childhood seem unimportant or highly relevant to you?
  • Do you remember a lot or a little?
  • How much was childhood the same or different every day?
  • What positive memories come to mind?
  • What negative memories come to mind?

Did you skim through these questions or pause on each one and give a real, in-depth answer? Are you willing to embrace your childhood or do you think you’d be happier if you never thought about it again?

Even if you considered only one of the questions, you’ve got a taste of what it’s like to move toward emotional health. You dipped your toe in the water. If you considered more than one, you might feel overwhelmed as you swim in a pool of emotional memories.

As I said, memories are fascinating. They aren’t part of who you are. Yet, in another way, they are part of you. You’re not five years old anymore. But you might feel five years old sometimes.

Remember the Past, Compare it with the Present, and Plan the Future

Here are a few more questions for you to consider: In what ways do you feel the same, today, as you did when you were a young child? In what ways are you the same? In what ways are you different?

Life can lead you away from being in touch with who you are. The pressures, demands, and trauma open a chasm between your performance and who you are. It’s possible to become so familiar with present-day performance (life responsibilities) that you forget what it’s like to enjoy life on your terms.

Here are three more questions that should help you “pull yourself together.” What day would you most like to relive? What makes life worth living today? Now, what new day do you imagine you would like to live in the near future?

In answering all these questions, look for two things. First, look for any infections: emotional wounds that haven’t fully healed. Second, look for peak experiences: emotional highs that give you energy.

If you’d like more practice at developing follow-on experiences, then you should try a book from my Journal Your Way series.

More about the benefits of exploring your past.
Image by Nato Pereira from Pixabay
Last updated 2022/12/11

Your Struggle Is Related To Childhood

Your Struggle Is Related to Childhood

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Struggles come in all shapes and sizes. You can struggle physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually. Physical struggles are related to health and endurance. Mental struggles are about grasping concepts and reality. Emotional struggles are a focus on the intensity of pain caused by the negatives of life (loss resulting from sin). Spiritual struggles involve the ability to discern the truth from falsehood.

All struggles are likely related to childhood events because people are most vulnerable then. Even though we struggle, spiritual rebirth allows believers to love God will all aspects of their being.

And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment.”

Matthew 22:37-38 ESV

Optical Illusions Are a Perceptional Struggle

Optical illusions are fun. They work because of assumptions about reality. To some degree, you will perceive what you want to perceive. Sometimes that aligns with reality and sometimes it doesn’t. Either way, after you see past the illusion, it’s difficult to be tricked again.

Your consciousness is similar to an optical illusion. You have meaningful events buried beneath the surface of awareness. The significant events are rich with life lessons and strong feelings. As you intentionally uncover the significance of your history, it becomes harder to ignore unless you are determined to avoid it.

Becoming in touch with your uncomfortable memories promotes healing. This can seem counter-intuitive until you realize that to not be in touch with your history is to be in denial. What is distressing tends to stay buried unless you are determined to be healthy.

Jesus Calls Those Who Struggle

As you probably know, there is a tension between wanting everything just to be okay and admitting everything isn’t okay.

Jesus answered them, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners and need to repent.”

Luke 5:31-32 NLT

Many of your childhood struggles continue to play out in your everyday interactions. You just don’t realize it unless you look intentionally. Without some prompting, it’s easy to leave pain buried. You might think you are better off leaving sleeping giants undisturbed.

A decade or two isn’t enough time to fully resolve life’s challenges. Chances are, whatever you struggled with as a child, you still struggle with today. Ideally, you struggle with it to a lesser degree. But there’s no shame in noticing you continue to struggle. It is possible to both make significant progress and realize you are essentially the same person you were as a child.

Feelings Reveal The Real Struggle

Everyone has to overcome their fear of inadequacy if they want to grow. Don’t be surprised and discouraged when you experience some of the same feelings you had during your younger years. Instead, see this as a positive sign that you are strong enough to look clearly at how you are responding to life.

How you respond reveals a lot about yourself that you need to know if you want to continue healing. This works for both positive and negative emotions.

Positive emotions can tell you what you’ll naturally be drawn to. They can get you into a trap just as easily as negative ones if you’re not vigilant. For example, people who notice they feel great when they win might be tempted to gamble for a chance to win big.

Negative emotions tell you what you want to avoid. They become a trap when they take center stage. For example, people who fear competition might become so consumed with failure, that they avoid trying.

Spend time noticing what makes you exceptionally happy, sad, angry, or anxious. Then make connections with your earlier experiences. What themes do you see? Your consistency over time likely defines your personality.

Learn more about exploring childhood to be healthy.
The picture that goes with today’s post contains an optical illusion. I found it on the internet. Apparently, it was popular around 2014.

How To Live With Rejection

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Confidence is the antidote to rejection. It’s easy to think that confidence is only something other people can have. But you can have it too. The secret to confidence is to stop trying to be something you’re not.

Living with the excruciating pain of rejection is hard. Some people would rather be physically beaten than be emotionally beaten.

Does anyone in the world like you? Does anyone want to spend time getting to know you? Does anyone appreciate you? Does God? If you answer these questions “no” then you are living with the oppressive feeling of rejection.

Rejection, though it feels real, is more of an illusion than a reality, if you know Jesus. God knew you before you were born. Jesus redeemed you from all sin that separated you from God. God accepts you exactly as you are.

But this doesn’t mean you won’t struggle with rejection. You have experienced some rejection and you’ll experience some more. To gain confidence, you must learn to not care about the rejection that others direct your way.

Rejection can easily become a downward spiral. None of us knows who we are as much as God knows who we are. The more you’ve experienced rejection, the more you’ve probably gone into hiding. The more you are in hiding, the more people are rejecting the false you (because you are keeping the real you out of sight). But it will still feel like people are rejecting the real you, so you end up hurting more and hiding more.

There is no good reason for anyone to reject the best parts of you that come from God. Therefore, rejection has to do with being misunderstood rather than being defective. I would guess people with obvious disabilities experience this all the time in a much more direct way. How frustrating it is to be judged superficially. How frustrating to be judged instantly and only based on your performance in one moment rather than your potential.

How much have you become your own worst enemy? If you struggle with rejection, you struggle to understand who you really are. If you’ve stopped wanting to know the real you, it will be difficult for others to see you (as in “I see you” from the movie Avatar).

God sees your potential. Your potential comes from your heart, from who God made you to be. He sees you at your best even when you look your worst. You have the best qualities that God placed in you.

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

1 Samuel 16:7 NLT

If you struggle with low self-worth, you might be quick to focus on the negative part of this verse. You might be thinking, “But God rejected Eliab, so that means He most likely rejects me.”

God has the right to choose whoever He wants for what He wants to accomplish. God can’t make everybody king. Just because you are rejected for one thing, doesn’t mean you are completely rejected. God will reject you for everything He doesn’t have planned for your life. But this also means He accepts you for all the good things He has planned.

So don’t worry so much about rejection. You’ll probably be rejected 99 times out of a 100. But it’s that 1 out of 100 that matters. You only need 1. Cling to the truth that God accepts you as you are, for the purposes He has for you. Ask God to help you understand your purpose and forget about what He hasn’t chosen you for.

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Surviving On The Fringe

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Are you on the fringe? Fringe means “to be on the outskirts.” That can be good or bad depending upon what it at the center.

Last week I wrote about feeling on the outskirts of God and what He is doing in the world. But what if we flip that around and define fringe as being on the outskirts of what the world is doing? Then being on the fringe would be a good thing.

Jesus lived on the fringe while He was on earth. The leaders at the time expected Him to join them in their agenda. But Jesus certainly lived as if not engrossed in the world:

What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.

1 Corinthians 7:29-31 NIV

If you find yourself depressed and anxious about what is happening in the world, maybe you are too deeply engrossed? What is too engrossed? This means living as if this life is all there is. If it were all there is, you’d have to put your full hope in it. You’d have no other choice.

If you are holding too tightly to this world, you’re going to feel discouraged. You’re going to be worried because this world in its present form is passing away. But, there is another option besides hoping in this world.

If you are in Christ, you are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). God has separated you out from this world. He’s brought you to the fringe. He’s sent you into the world to help it, not to be engrossed in it (1).

Don’t love the world or anything that belongs to the world. If you love the world, you cannot love the Father. Our foolish pride comes from this world, and so do our selfish desires and our desire to have everything we see. None of this comes from the Father. The world and the desires it causes are disappearing. But if we obey God, we will live forever.

1 John 2:15-17 CEV

Jesus had no place to lay His head (Luke 9:58). Of course, this doesn’t mean that He never slept lying down. It means He didn’t ever settle down as if this was His permanent home.

Sure – it’s okay to own a home and live in it. More important that where you live is how attached you are to your life in this world. It’s impossible to be completely satisfied with this world. If you try to find your life somewhere in the world, you will feel empty and disappointed.

But if you join Jesus at the fringe, you will find your life and you’ll be in good company. You can be on the fringe and not feel lonely.

If you’ve been engrossed in the world, it takes time to detach from it. At some point you have to let go of the world.

Have you ever lost something and become focused on finding it? What if you can’t find it? Eventually you have to move on. If you spend your life consumed with what you’ve lost, your life will be compromised. It won’t be all it could be.

Imagine what it feels like to let go of what you’ve lost and move on. That’s what you need to do with the world. The world isn’t as great as you thought it was. That’s good or bad depending upon how you look at it. If you can give up on finding your ultimate happiness in it, you’ll end up content and peaceful.

(1) https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/lets-revise-the-popular-phrase-in-but-not-of
Image by Paul Brennan from Pixabay

On The Fringe: The Truth About The Struggle To Belong

On The Fringe: The Truth About The Struggle To Belong

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Fringe, a TV show about weird, scientifically unexplainable events in the universe, debuted in 2008. It drew my interest at first because of the possibilities of the unknown. Because, well, exploring the mysteries of life is exciting.

“Fringe” can have a much broader definition than scientific anomalies. It has a connotation of “flaky” or “fragile.” If someone is teetering on the edge of an abyss they are on the fringe. They are one step away from slipping out of a meaningful existence. They are like Frodo when he puts on the evil ring; he must fight to not be drawn into the shadow world.

Non-Christians are on the Fringe

Without Christ, it’s easy to become lost in an endless pursuit of mysterious unknowns. Maybe there is something of substance beyond the fringe? Maybe an alien race is monitoring our every move. What else is out there?

You can become hooked on the lottery for the same reasons. Having lots of money sounds good, so it must be a good idea to buy into the lottery. I’ve got nothing else to do. I’ve got nothing to lose. — even though the odds of winning are small. You might say you have a fringe of a chance.

The craving to seek and discover is a good (God-given) desire. However, some people will tenaciously pursue strange, made-up phenomena, while at the same time refusing to acknowledge the existence of a real God that cries out to them through His creation.

For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.

Romans 1:20 NIV

One definition of fringe is being “at the part of something that is farthest from the center.” This describes non-Christians quite well. They are present, able to see but choosing to face away from the center and pursue the outermost fringes of God’s creation. They keep hoping to find the fulfillment of their inner hunger in anything but God.

Are You, Christian, on The Fringe?

Another definition of fringe is “not completely belonging to or accepted by a group of people who share the same job, activities, etc.” It’s possible to be a Christian and know Christ, but still feel like you are on the fringe. This shouldn’t be so.

Do you feel like you are on the fringe? Are you hanging in the balance? Do you know you have worth, but can’t seem to feel your true worth in Christ?

Christ calls all who belong to Him to move toward Him. Because of His awesome sacrifice, all who are far away from the center are able to move toward the center.

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Hebrews 4:16 NIV

“I am weird” and “I am worthless” are lies. Just because others don’t understand you (even other Christians) or you haven’t found a way to meet your needs doesn’t mean you are fringe material. Every one of God’s people belongs.

Living according to God’s plan for you means you will need to walk a different path than others walk. You have God’s favor as you walk on the path He made for you (see John 21:20-23).

God smiles as He thinks of you. God is always thinking about you. God is smiling at you. Look up to see His face.

Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy;
    no shadow of shame will darken their faces.

Psalm 34:5 NLT

Learn more about belonging.
More on the TV show at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fringe_(TV_series)
Definition from https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/on-the-fringes-of-something
Image by Aravind kumar from Pixabay

God Is Perfect

God Is Perfect

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Perfection is the highest quality of being which God has never needed to attain. He has always been perfect and always will be exceptional. How do you feel about God? Would you say your experiences lead you to conclude God is the standard of perfection? How much do you trust Him? Nothing is more important than your trust in God.

If there were one truth to rule them all it would be, “God is perfect.” The person who believes this has a strong, unstoppable faith. Try an experiment. Consider God as thoroughly perfect. Recognize how amazing He is. See Him for who He is. How much can you trust the God you envision? Has your hope increased?

When I think of God as perfect, it starts to correct my image of Him. I feel more positive toward Him and then I feel more hopeful. If you can’t believe He is perfect, you may feel discouraged because of difficult life events.

Is God Perfect?

Do you ever find yourself resisting the idea that God is perfect? It can be easy to doubt God is perfect. Globally, many difficult things have happened, are happening, and will continue to happen (in this life). It’s the “continue to happen” that makes it easy to doubt.

Can God be perfect if He allows bad things to continue to happen? This question causes many people to stumble in their faith. God has reasons for doing what He does that we might never completely understand.

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
    “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so my ways are higher than your ways
    and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9 NLT

If you seriously doubt God, you move into a place of judgment. Putting God on trial is the beginning of the end. Nothing good can come from distancing yourself from the only one who can help you. I discuss this and more in my book, To Identity and Beyond.

Until we are in heaven, life will continue to be a struggle. This life is all we know. What happens can have a profound effect on how you see God. Some evidence will support a loving God and others might not. We need to be able to consider God as perfect despite any negative evidence.

Regardless of how good or bad life seems, you have a powerful choice. Will you devote your allegiance to God or turn away from Him in discouragement or disgust? Will you align your spirit with His Spirit? If you refuse, you will experience some natural consequences. Consider what it would be like to be separated from God, your creator, who knows you from head to toe. It makes no sense to give up on God.

Believing God Has Faults Harms You

If God is perfect then failing to believe and act accordingly is harmful. All of us may experience a deterioration in our health to the degree we live like God is imperfect. That’s eye-opening!

Believing God is imperfect and then failing to trust Him carries with it consequences like:

  • Increased fear, anxiety, and worry
  • Increased need for control
  • Increased desire to be self-sufficient
  • Increased isolation and loneliness
  • Increased despair
  • Increased frustration and anger

Can it be any other way? If God had faults, how could we trust Him to keep His word 100% of the time? Perfection deserves our full trust.

But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
    They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
    They will walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:31 NLT

Meditate on God’s Perfection

Try an experiment this week. Remind yourself of God’s perfection. Whenever you set your mind on God, think about how perfect He is. Notice how you feel. If you feel negative, that’s probably an indicator of some spiritual work you need to do. If you feel more positive, notice how that changed for you. What changed? Trust God despite what happens and you will be blessed.

After you try this for a week, check on what insights you gained about God and yourself. Do you feel more peaceful and hopeful?

Learn more about the consequences of bad theology.
Last updated 2025/01/19

Be Imperfect But Live Strong Anyway

Be Imperfect But Live Strong Anyway

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You can be less than perfect but still unmistakably valuable. You might hear “Nobody is perfect” after someone makes a mistake. But that phrase might also mean no one can be everything to everybody. You can be flawed and perfect at the same time.

To be imperfect and a Christian simply means that you aren’t living up to your ideal self. You need to mature into who God made you to be. The only way to be perfect is to trust God will fulfill His promise to completely sanctify you. God has the power to fully disinfect you from all sin.

You Are Imperfect

How positive are you about yourself? Can you look at yourself, see your brokenness, or even your sinful behaviors, and still know you are completely loved by God? Can you be limited in your abilities, flawed, and valuable? As you find the answers to these questions you will be able to live with strength and confidence.

Our hearts long for the end of all that is wrong, but in this life only God is perfect. We must live with less than ideal circumstances whether we like it or not.

One way to cope with imperfection is by employing all-or-nothing thinking. It’s useful when you can’t stand to look at your flaws. Like all coping, it stops the pain but a lack of felt discomfort doesn’t mean you are thriving.

If any imperfection means you are worthless, then you must believe you can’t make mistakes if you want to be valuable. The only way to achieve this is through denial of reality. Therefore, all-or-nothing thinking increases the likelihood of impulsive decisions and obsessive behaviors. Fear motivates the all-or-nothing thinker to attempt the impossible. Because it is impossible, more fear is generated. This never-ending cycle is like an addiction.

You Are Perfect

If someone or something isn’t perfect, what good is it? Does God only love you because He’s got no one better to love? No! God made you in His image, so you already have the highest value possible.

There’s no need to strive for perfection because you already have it. The only real flaw you have is the sin living within you. But Jesus has already crucified your sin.

So you also should consider yourselves to be dead to the power of sin and alive to God through Christ Jesus.

Romans 6:11 NLT

To be all-in for God is healthy, but all-or-nothing thinking is unhealthy. God has no flaws, so there is no harm in fully trusting Him. Yet, it’s normal to struggle to trust Him when you are suffering.

Since you aren’t perfect (yet) you will only harm yourself if you can’t accept yourself with your flaws. It’s okay if you aren’t your ideal self yet. God’s design of you is perfect. He has set you free from your flaws and He isn’t finished with you yet.

Healthy thinking results in self-control, peace, and compassion. You can slow down and realize that you have everything you need in the present moment.

By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence.

2 Peter 1:3 NLT

Responding in fear (worrying) doesn’t help. Worrying is like driving your car in neutral or rocking in a chair. Both expend energy, but neither get you anywhere real.

Extreme behavior is often wasteful. The best approach stops at good enough. Instead of wasting your energy, why not channel it into activities that benefit others or you?

Has your life become extreme and therefore imbalanced in any way? The opposite of worry is trust. If you want to be imperfect live strong anyway, consider God’s words to Israel:

The holy Lord God of Israel
    had told all of you,
“I will keep you safe
if you turn back to me
    and calm down.
I will make you strong
    if you quietly trust me.”

Isaiah 30:15 CEV

What steps can you take to regain balance (give up worrying and self-reliance) and therefore increase your peace and efficiency?

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Choose Between Being Stubborn Or Tenacious

Choose Between Being Stubborn Or Tenacious

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To be stubborn is to cling to the status quo, especially when it’s not optimal. Stubbornness is the approach of people who do not like change. If there is a good side to being stubborn, that’s called being tenacious. Tenacity is perfect when what is already in place is the best. Tenacity is also perfect for an unwavering pursuit of the truth.

Stubbornness has a negative connotation of holding onto something that isn’t worth it. Tenacity has a positive connotation of holding onto something worthwhile–the truth. The truth can be in hand or out of reach. Either way, the tenacious person lets nothing stand in the way of the truth.

What happens when a life event challenges your belief system? That’s an identity crisis. It can be extremely disorienting. The most positive outcome of an identity crisis is the establishment of a firmer grasp of the truth. Of course, then, a negative outcome would be to lose the truth–to spiral further away from it into chaos. Such a person is truly lost.

A lack of identity feels like sinking without reaching a firm bottom. You feel squishy, inadequate, and ashamed. A crisis can help strengthen your identity. In this sense, what doesn’t disorient you only makes you stronger.

To be truly stubborn is to cling to your biases even when they are irrational (and false). In this sense, stubbornness chooses self over God. It’s also a cry to be recognized for who you are.

Choose Stubbornness For Stability

Change can be stressful. Sometimes the status quo is a valid choice. Life can be intimidating sometimes. It’s okay to stop and catch your breath. But a quick fix won’t last long. A consistent pattern of avoidance isn’t healthy. Because the need for stability is so strong, it’s possible to settle for a false sense of security.

Stubborn people pursue self-protection even when it costs them their integrity. They might lie and people-please to minimize their contact with reality. Stubborn people are foolish (prideful). They are like the people who build their houses on the sand instead of the rock. Their houses might go up quickly, but they won’t last nearly as long as the houses built upon the rock.

“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.”

Matthew 7:24-27 ESV

Stubborn people are short-sighted. They cling to what is immediately good at the cost of what is ultimately good. The need to feel gratified creates a strong temptation to remain biased. People are irrational. They can believe that right is wrong and wrong is right when doing so validates their current behavior.

Experiencing inner stability is essential. You should seek to achieve it first. But then, if you want life to be meaningful, the next step is to seek the truth. Stability is not an end in itself; it is only a place of rest on the way to the truth.

Choose Tenacity For Truth

As disruptive as the truth might be, it’s the only way to construct a firm foundation. In order to seek God and His truth, you must be willing to give up the false security of your biases. To be tenacious, you must humble yourself. The good news is that God accepts the humble person, giving them grace (James 4:6).

Tenacity has positive, forward momentum. A tenacious person pursues a higher goal without ever giving up. Sometimes the truth stings. But the tenacious person welcomes the truth even when it produces a temporary wound.

Tenacious people are willing to look at whatever inaccuracies, faults, or flat-out lies are preventing them from moving forward. They care more about the higher cause than how comfortable they are. Therefore, they are willing to give up their self-protective pretenses.

How about you? Are you willing to sacrifice your comfort in order to build something lasting?

If so, it’s okay to start small. The direction you travel is more important than your current position. Take the risk to be tenacious and you will never be lost.

Learn more about traveling by faith.
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Last edited 2023/08/06

Hope Has 3 Essential Ingredients

Hope Has 3 Essential Ingredients

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Could hope be one of the most underrated virtues? Hope makes the list of God’s top three virtues along with love and faith (1 Corinthians 13:13).

The greatest virtue is love. But where would love be without faith or hope? Love would have nothing to deliver; it would be an empty promise–much like worldly love. Fortunately, love always hopes.

A believer can hope for something, but God-given faith makes it a reality in the heart. If you hope for a hamburger, faith makes it so real you can taste it before you ever take a bite.

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

Hebrews 11:1 ESV

Hope is an energizing longing for something good. Faith strengthens you with confidence that it is yours. Love makes faith and hope possible because of God’s goodness.

Hope focuses on God’s amazing promises–specifically the ones that we can’t see come to fruition immediately. As Christians, we hope in God’s promise of eternal life. By faith, we possess eternal life and yet we continue to experience death and suffering for a time.

God is the source of everything good, but what else must be present to live with more hope? For you to thrive, hope’s recipe needs at least these three ingredients:

  1. An Attitude of Freedom
  2. An Attitude of Surrender
  3. An Attitude of Trust

Hope Requires An Attitude of Freedom

A slave with no chance of being free one day can’t begin to hope. Thankfully, you are no longer a slave. Christ has set you free.

So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law.

Galatians 5:1 NLT

Freedom brings peace to hope. To fear is to live in the reality of a hopeless slave. You can’t be peaceful and fearful at the same time. As you recognize you are free, you should experience more peace. You are not a slave, so you can stop thinking like one.

In what ways are you still acting like a slave? Your cage door is open. Are you living as though you are trapped inside? Fear prevents many from leaving a cage with a wide-open door.

Hope Requires An Attitude of Surrender

Surrender acknowledges that God is the ultimate source of good. To have freedom without surrender is to live with the delusion that you are self-sufficient. Hoping in yourself alone doesn’t produce assurance–it’s wishful thinking at best and a fatal gamble at worst.

You might think that freedom and surrender are mutually exclusive, when in fact they support each other perfectly. Surrendering to God and His reality produces true freedom.

If you are not surrendering to God, then you are living in an alternate reality of idolatry. You might feel free initially, but eventually, you will realize you are living in a cage as a slave. An astronaut that leaves a spaceship (without a source of oxygen) for open space is free in one way. The astronaut will survive for a brief time, but this reckless choice leads to death not life.

In this case, the one who surrenders to the confines of the spaceship lives to roam the universe or return to Earth. You can be a slave to righteousness and remain free.

Hope Requires An Attitude of Trust

To be able to surrender to God, you must first trust Him. Trusting God allows you to surrender to Him; surrendering to God produces true freedom. With true freedom, you will experience a powerful, unwavering hope that nourishes your soul.

To hope you must trust God will keep His promises to you.

Trusting is difficult in an environment that is corrupt and decaying. It’s easy to slip into agreeing with hopelessness and distrust. It’s easy to mistrust God and fear. But none of it is mandatory.

Even though evil exists in our world and it betrays God and humanity, we have a choice to trust. When you are lost, this verse will guide you home–into God’s arms.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
    do not depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do,
    and he will show you which path to take.

Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT

Our own understanding is limited and can be faulty. God is saying there is something more true about trusting in faith than trusting with evidence and proof. Even so-called facts can be faulty. How many people believed that the Sun revolved around the Earth before additional facts disproved it?

God’s understanding is never wrong. Trust God because He is your good parent. Look beyond your immediate environment and trust Him no matter what is happening around you.

As you go about your daily life making decisions, keep your spirit open to hearing God’s will. When you trust that He will direct you, you don’t have to hesitate to act. God is holding your hand. Don’t hold back all that God made you to be.

Love provides faith. Faith allows you to trust. Your trust leads to surrender and freedom. Then you’ll have real hope.

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Last revised October 31, 2020

Healthy Oneness

Healthy Oneness

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Confusion about oneness creates a substantial burden for relationships. In God’s economy, when two people become one, their individual distinctiveness is never lost. The point of misunderstanding is with the word become. In this context, become does not mean “replaced by.” Instead, it means “joined.”

If you believe oneness means your identity must diminish, your relationship will struggle to thrive. Instead of having opinions, you’ll only have compliance. Instead of strengthening your relationship, you’ll create weaknesses.

Healthy Oneness: Two Families Become One Family

A helpful question is, two what become one what? God says husband and wife become one flesh. One flesh has at least two meanings. On a literal, physical level, one flesh refers to the joining of two bodies in sexual union. The literal is a picture of the spiritual. Two people working together for mutual benefit. On a figurative, spiritual level, one flesh refers to becoming a unified family. God creates one new family from the parts of two separate families.

This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

Genesis 2:24 NLT

Both meanings imply coming together in a unified partnership that isn’t meant to be separated (until death). Both are illustrations of the deeper, permanent reality of Christ and the Church. When a person becomes a Christian, the person leaves the family of the lost to join God’s family. The believer is now “one” with Christ, a part of the body of Christ.

Note that two being a unified one is different than two changing into one. A unified one allows closeness while retaining individual definition. A husband and wife don’t lose their God-given identities; they gain experience in physical and spiritual oneness that can’t be experienced any other way.

Healthy Oneness: Two People, One Team

I like to put it this way. A husband and wife are on the same team and should act as one to accomplish their goals. What is a win for one is a win for the other. A loss for one is a loss for the other.

This allows for individual choices. God will judge a man on how good a husband he is. God will judge a woman on how good a wife she is. But God doesn’t make one responsible for the other’s poor choices. God doesn’t directly judge you for how good your marriage is–only indirectly through your performance because it is within your control.

In a tennis match, if one player is significantly more skilled than the other, the game won’t be interesting, but each individual can still be judged on their skill and character while playing.

Being judged individually should not encourage acting only in your best interest. You should act both in your best interest and also in the best interest of your partner. God expects you to give up your demand to have life go the way you want it. God opposes the proud. Insisting on your way at all costs is usually selfish.

Two strong individuals make a strong marriage. One dominant and one weak person will create a less strong marriage than the couple’s average strength. In contrast, the synergy between two strong individuals who have learned how to cooperate will exceed the output of two strong individuals working apart.

Learning how to cooperate as a team takes time and effort. Marital oneness includes physical and spiritual closeness, so it is more than what being on a sports team feels like. At the same time, there is no marriage in heaven, so it has to be less than what being in heaven will be like.

What has your experience with oneness been like? Are you expecting too much or too little from your relationship?

For more on oneness, consider How Two Identities Become One. The image associated with it provides a clear picture of what two as one should look like.

Image #286346030 licensed from Adobe Stock
Last updated 2023/10/01

How To Grow More Confident

How To Grow More Confident

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Who wants to be confident? Everybody does That’s because possessing confidence means you have resilience, reliability, and strength. We are all familiar with what its opposite involves: self-doubt, insecurity, and discouragement. The cost of a lack of confidence is high.

So, why aren’t more people brimming over with confidence? Because it comes with a price. Are you willing to endure whatever it takes to gain this sense of peace and security?

To become strong, you first need to be more fully in touch with the ways you are weak. How aware are you of how you are doing emotionally? Fortunately, there is a shortcut to finding and building your endurance and confidence.

Listen To Your Body To Grow Confident

When I go running for more than a few minutes, my focus changes. As fatigue sets in, I have to motivate myself to keep going. I become more aware of the finish line. How much farther do I have to go? Will I be able to make it without stopping?

Fatigue can result in discouragement or you can allow it to produce a determination to keep going. When I become fatigued while running, it’s nearly impossible not to notice the strain on my body. But what is more interesting is how my physical health and my emotional health are linked.

God made our brains to store similar experiences together. Running triggers my brain to focus on the theme of whatever is desperately concerning me. When my body protests because of the physical strain, my brain brings my most serious emotional concerns into my awareness. I become flooded with what matters most to me. The thoughts can be obstacles on my path to a life well-lived.

Test Your Limits To Grow Confident

To grow in endurance, you have to test your limits. The testing identifies weak areas that need strengthening. Growth is stressful, usually requiring an upfront investment for a future payoff. Growth costs you your immediate state of relaxation.

When we can trust God with this process, the value of the reward far exceeds the stress.

Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory.

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

Romans 5:1-5 NLT

God is saying your problems and trials lead to a satisfying, secure, and confident hope. The development of character is the proof of your salvation–your entrance into heaven and eternal life. Furthermore, a heart full of love has no room for fear.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

1 John 4:18 NIV

The next time you want to feel better, try wearing yourself out exercising (or whatever works for you). Then note what surfaces in your mind. That could be an area of weakness that God is working on so you can feel more confident.

We can see life as a painful struggle, but God sees it as endurance training. And endurance results in many good things such as peace, confidence, and character.

Read more about confidence.
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Last Edited 2023/01/29

Improve Your Communication

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How easily can you put yourself in another’s shoes? How possible is it for you to see life from another person’s perspective?

When communication is poor in a relationship, it usually has little to do with choosing the right words. Most people have a decent vocabulary. Communication problems come from:

  • An (often stubborn) desire to go in a particular direction (that is different than the other’s)
  • An inability to see life beyond your own perspective
  • Assuming other people think and feel the way you do

We see things not as they are, but as we are. Because it is the ‘I’ behind the ‘eye’ that does the seeing.

Anaïs Nin

If you’ve never seen a four-legged animal, you’ll probably have a hard time understanding someone’s love for a dog.

Your ability to understand your world is limited by your experiences and your identity. You can always get new experiences, but you can't get a new identity. However, new experiences will help you understand your identity. Share on X

You’ve heard the expression, “get on the same page,” right? All this means is having an experience of the same thing. Even after this, communication requires work because every person is different. Each person looks at the same dog, but sees, feels, and responds differently.

As much as being on the same page is helpful, it requires a tremendous amount of effort because there are so many experiences that haven’t been formed at the same time. One person might have experienced a dog bite when they were 8 years old. Another person in their twenties might call their dog their best friend. How would these two people get on the same page? As you can see, there’s plenty of room for bias and plenty of reasons why they would struggle to communicate.

Let’s pretend you have an awesome camera that takes super high-resolution pictures and a low-def monitor. What kind of experience will you have looking at the picture?

What if we switch it up? What if you have a super high-resolution monitor, but you take a picture with a low-res camera? Same experience, right? Both pictures will look distorted.

In this example, the picture is the common experience and the monitor represents each person’s identity. The same picture will look different on different monitors.

The monitor can’t change. While you can change, you are limited like the monitor to what you can perceive at any given moment. God hard-wired your identity to see life in a specific way. He doesn’t intend for you to ever see it exactly like anyone else.

This brings us to a plan to communicate better. To improve your communication:

  • Have more experiences; each one changes you and helps you understand
  • Have more shared experiences; each one gets you closer to being on the same page
  • Practice describing what you see to each other, but realize you’ll never get it perfect, only close enough
  • Recognize each person sees the same experiences differently
  • Recognize each person has different motives and desires
  • Recognize each person is unique and will always only see life through the lens of their God-given identity
  • Be patient with the process; the best understanding develops over a long time

When all else seems to fail, there is love and empathy. Love overcomes the frustration from the lack of ability to know what it is like to be someone else. No one else has ever been you, so they can’t know for sure what it’s like. But you can empathize because everyone knows what it is like to feel pain and discomfort and then experience peace.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NIV

Peace and comfort are universal experiences.

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Are You Blind Or Lacking Vision?

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I can see and hear well for the most part. But I was wondering recently what it must be like to be blind. What is it like to walk across a room without being able to see?

Actually, I know firsthand what this is like because I’ve bumped into many things walking in my bedroom at night (with the lights out so I don’t disturb my wife).

Would walking be easier if I could see a little, or not see at all? My first thought is seeing something is better than nothing. But then I would be more tempted to rely on my efforts. I could be so focused on what I can see, that I’d forget to consider God.

Does God want you to trust Him more like a completely blind person? If you can’t see clearly, God certainly doesn’t want you to squint and guess. When you can see, you should use all that God has given you to make a decision. But sometimes you really can’t see much of anything even when you see a lot. What you see isn’t helpful or it’s irrelevant. It’s noise.

Maybe it’s okay that God asks you to walk by faith. Maybe you can blindly trust Him when you have no clue what He is doing. And maybe it’s better that way.

God is always with you. He is always present, but you might need to walk a path that doesn’t make sense–like Abraham had to do when God asked him to sacrifice his son.

Walking while blind (physically) might actually provide the most opportunity to put your full and purest trust in God. Can you acknowledge that you’re completely dependent upon God? When you can’t see anything with your physical eyes, you will have no choice but to rely on your spiritual eyes.

Depending on how you look at it, that might sound uncomfortably vulnerable, or it might sound blissfully peaceful. What does it sound like to you?

Here are some scriptures to consider: 2 Corinthians 5:7, Proverbs 3:5-6, Hebrews 11:1, John 20:29, 2 Corinthians 4:4, 4:18, Mark 4:12. I recently wrote an answer on Quora about looking but not really seeing (Matthew 13:10–13).

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3 Deaths And You Are Out Forever

3 Deaths And You Are Out Forever

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A baseball player has three strikes before he is out. People have three deaths before they run out of life. Everyone will experience at least two deaths(*1), but some will manage to get a hit before striking out.

  1. People are born into a physical life and a spiritual death (strike 1!)
  2. People will eventually experience a physical death (strike 2!)
  3. People who have not experienced a spiritual rebirth will experience the final death (strike 3!)

Just like there are two states of spiritual health, there will be two different experiences of judgment at the end of our physical lives. God will judge believers and unbelievers differently.

God Will Judge Unbelievers and Assign Death as Punishment

If people are already spiritually dead at birth, why is a final death needed? I think it is related to the tree of life found in the garden of Eden. The tree of life causes people to live forever (Genesis 3:22). God didn’t want Adam and Eve to live forever as physically alive but spiritually dead. Similarly, the final death removes all opportunity for the physically dead to ever become alive spiritually. It’s permanent like losing a body part that won’t grow back.

When unsaved people die, they face God’s judgment for their sin. Without Jesus to intervene, God will judge them guilty. He will hold their sin against them. The judgment will be straightforward. Those whose names aren’t found written in the Book of Life will be sentenced to the final death (Revelation 20:11-15). There won’t be an appeal process, but only a final and permanent removal of all opportunity for life.

God Will Judge Believers and Reward Valuable Work

Saved people will bypass the unbeliever’s judgment because Jesus knows their names are written in the Book of Life. They will be judged righteous based on Jesus’s record.

Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life.

John 5:24 ESV

However, saved people will not escape all forms of judgment. They won’t be judged as to whether they will end up in heaven or hell. Everyone who is saved goes to heaven. The believer’s judgment will be more like the grading of a capstone project. In 2 Corinthians chapter 5, Paul describes the judgment of believers.

For we must all stand before Christ to be judged. We will each receive whatever we deserve for the good or evil we have done in this earthly body.

2 Corinthians 5:10 NLT

Could this verse be addressing both saved and unsaved people? Is it meant to instill fear in believers that Jesus will judge their sin and find their name isn’t written in the Book of Life? No, the context of verse 10 is not discussing the state of a person’s salvation (verses 1-9).

Even so, some people attempt to use this verse to argue that no one can know until the moment of judgment if they are entering heaven. They argue that this is necessary to prevent people from being lazy after they become saved. If a person knows for sure they will be saved, why would they try to be a better person? What incentive do they have to stop sinning? But this goes against many scriptures (Titus 1:1-2, 3:7, Romans 8:1, John 10:27-28, and John 5:24, to name several.

God is going to judge us believers for what we do with the talents God gives us (Matthew 25:14–30). This will be positive overall, however, this is also where we get to see if our work holds up to the test.

Anyone who builds on that foundation may use a variety of materials—gold, silver, jewels, wood, hay, or straw. But on the judgment day, fire will reveal what kind of work each builder has done. The fire will show if a person’s work has any value. If the work survives, that builder will receive a reward. But if the work is burned up, the builder will suffer great loss. The builder will be saved, but like someone barely escaping through a wall of flames.

1 Corinthians 3:12-15 NLT (my emphasis added)

So, believers will be saved, but they will be judged for the quality of their work. If you don’t build well, you may lose your reward, but not your life.

So this judgment is not meant to be a to-the-death competition. Instead of God using fear to motivate good behavior, He uses love. God empowers the believer to succeed. If a person refuses to try, obey, and love, this is evidence that they aren’t saved.

It’s not like there’s only one first place and we need to fight each other for it. Instead, based on the Parable of the Talents, we are each to give our all according to the gifts and abilities God has given us. Those who are genuine believers can obey and love by the power of the Holy Spirit (1 John 2).

You are running a race in which the only competition is yourself. I like this because I can experience both the security of knowing God’s love and provision for me and also the challenge of expressing my will to be all that God made me to be. I want to cooperate with God during the sanctification process. I want to stay connected with Jesus so I can bear fruit.

You should feel positively motivated to serve God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. If you’re not, consider what is missing from your relationship with God.

This post is part of a series on eternal security. You can read the introductory post: eternal security means full assurance of salvation.
For more on judgment, consider this article I found.
(*1) except for Jesus (no spiritual birth or death), Enoch and Elijah (no physical death), Adam and Even (no physical birth).
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How to Climb High (Without Falling)

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I’m not afraid of heights (at least not as much as I used to be). But I’m not fearless either. A few years ago, my wife and I decided to paint the exterior of our house. It’s a tri-level. Not only that, but one section has a sunken patio.

I was fine with 8′ ladders, but this job required a 25′ ladder. At first, I was scared to go much beyond the 8′. By the end of the project, I was climbing all the way to the top. I found a healthy balance between too-afraid-to-climb and too-fearless-to-prevent-accidents.

Perfectionism is completing a task with a greater amount of energy or effort than is needed to meet the task’s objectives, in a way that leaves other areas of life lacking needed attention. Unchecked perfectionism creates an imbalanced life that can produce significant deficiencies.

Procrastination is different but can be related. You could spend an extra 2 hours cleaning your car because it allows you to delay an undesirable task (such as apologizing to your spouse).

The pure perfectionist finds satisfaction in the cleaning (for example) while not necessarily avoiding something else. Instead, the perfectionist seeks perfection to satisfy their desire for perfection. Sounds perfectly logical, doesn’t it?

The desire for perfection is okay. Nothing wrong there. Perfectionism becomes a “sickness” when it becomes obsessive or irrational. No person can hide that all of creation is under a curse–but that’s what a perfectionist tries to do. The time spent to bring order to one area of life means another area will suffer. When the effort becomes out of balance, life can become out of balance.

We took four months to paint our house. We kept up with our normal everyday tasks, but we cut out the non-essentials. I don’t think we could have shaved more time off of the project. I certainly didn’t want to have to paint it again. But I admit I’m somewhat of a perfectionist.

A desire for excellence is different but can be related. If perfectionism is over-compensating, then its opposite, negligence, is under-compensating. Both miss the mark. A perfectionist might call the negligent person “lazy.” Perhaps the lazy person has more fun?

The perfectionist doesn’t give up soon enough. The lazy person gives up too quickly. Somewhere in the middle is the pursuit of excellence. But even then the pursuit of excellence at some point must surrender to “it’s good enough for our purposes.” Every once in a while the perfectionist should ask, “Is there something more important I could be doing with my time? Has another task worked its way up to the top of my priority list?” Actually, those are the same questions a “lazy” person should ask, too. Although, I suspect they’d answer differently.

Perfectionism can also be expecting a higher standard than is necessary or possible at any given moment. The cost of missing the mark can be high.

The core questions are, “When is enough, enough?” and “When is not enough, not enough?” These are actually best left as deeply personal (subjective) questions. Keep in mind that all behavior (including lack of behavior) has consequences. Just because you’re fine showing up for work 30 minutes late most days, doesn’t mean you’re employer will agree.

Just because you’re fine to keep on sinning and pursue your own way of life, doesn’t mean God approves. God expects you to be perfect (holy), but He also provides the help you need to get there, which includes His infinitely loving patience. Thank God He is a lover of excellence and not a ruthless demander of instant perfection.

God’s love both accepts us as we are and motivates us to reach our full potential. Love wouldn’t be love without both. God sets the standard as high as Himself but then provides the ladder you need to reach it.

An unhealthy person might:

  • go for perfect foot placement on each rung and never reach the top.
  • climb all the way to the top but extend beyond the ladder too far and fall off in the process.
  • worry about how high the ladder goes and never start climbing.
  • look with hatred or mistrust at the person holding the ladder and walk away.
  • freeze during the climb, unable to continue up or down.
  • climb part of the way and jump off because the jumping is fun.
  • climb part of the way and fall off because climbing requires letting go of things considered to be too important.

Of course, I think you know the correct way to climb:

  • trust the ladder holder.
  • don’t look down.
  • don’t climb too fast or too slow.
  • focus on the ladder holder, not how high you have to go.
  • when the time is right, drop the heavy stuff that you don’t need anymore.
  • don’t wait until you are fearless to start climbing.

The Secret to Finding Rest Amidst Tragedy

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Does it make sense to pursue rest when you are flooded with the trauma of betrayal? Experiencing the disloyalty of another person is painful and disorienting, maybe more than any other life event. Is rest even possible given the chaotic disruption to your sense of peaceful well-being?

Have you ever seen a dog chase its tail? So much energy is spent pursuing a goal that remains unattainable. It’s fun to watch unless you’re the one going in circles.

What is the worst traumatic experience you’ve been through? If you can’t think of anything, you are either very lucky or very disconnected from reality. How easy or hard was it for you to rest in the days and weeks after the trauma occurred?

Or maybe you are in the middle of trying to recover from a horrifying event. It has left you locked into an unending sense of discouragement, distress, or despair. Your thoughts speed around a racetrack, circling ever faster but generating only mental exhaustion.

After being traumatized, it is normal to become disillusioned and want to know why life can be so confusing and difficult. Why did that bad thing happen? Why did you make an unhealthy choice? Why does there seem to be no way forward?

Trust to Find Rest

These questions are all signs of life. You are seeking some deeper answer, meaning, or connection with God. There is good news: answers exist that bring hope instead of despair. But the answers usually come in the context of a growing trust in God, rather than an immediate blessing of good fortune and circumstances.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV

Don’t try to solve problems that are “beyond your pay grade.” Trusting in God brings instant relief (Isaiah 26:3). Try it. Think of something you are anxious about. Now tell God you trust Him. Even if you have to imagine you are trusting Him, it helps. The burden shifts off your shoulders and onto God’s.

I’m not saying your relief will be complete, instantaneous, and permanent. You can experience an overall peace while simultaneously agonizing and grieving.

When God asks you to trust Him, He means at all times–whether your circumstances are pleasant or heart-breaking. You can experience betrayal and still look to God for security.

God wants us to:

  • believe He is good while experiencing pain
  • live in the reality of heaven even while experiencing a cursed earth

How you experience life depends on how you prioritize your perspective. Are you focused on your pain or on your God? Are you caught in a loop of trying to escape something you cannot change? Are you caught believing a temporary circumstance is permanent? If so, I have a prayer for you.

Pray to Find Rest

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardship as a pathway to peace; taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will; so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.

Reinhold Niebuhr

This prayer is profound. It shares a lot in common with Proverbs 3. Most people stop with the first sentence. But the second sentence contains the secret to finding rest: acceptance and trust. What are some ways you can adjust your expectations of life, creating some space for you to rest in God’s understanding?

Be patient with yourself as you work through betrayal and learn to trust. You can’t heal in isolation. You need to know someone is hearing your pain.

Read about living free of worry.
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How To Overcome Negativity

How To Overcome Negativity

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Do you struggle with negativity? That can happen when too many difficult events take place without enough positive ones to overcome them.

Think back to a significant, life-changing moment–one that filled you with hope and purpose. What made it so transformational? Chances are, it had something to do with accepting yourself the way God made you. Seeing yourself through God’s wise, loving eyes changes everything.

These moments don’t happen every day, but you can take steps toward one today. How do you know when you are ready for growth?

You might notice negativity building up—feeling weighed down, discouraged, or emotionally disconnected. Being unable to experience joy is a sign of spiritual sickness. Are you often pessimistic? Do you feel unwanted or rejected? Does it seem like a cloud of gloom follows you wherever you go?

Negativity Should Not Be Normal

Negativity becomes a serious problem when it starts to feel like your default state. While you won’t feel amazing every day, it’s important not to accept negativity as part of your identity. You don’t “just have a negative personality”—negativity isn’t permanent. It’s a weight you weren’t meant to carry.

People have blind spots, and that’s normal—only God sees everything. But just because you don’t notice certain harmful thought patterns doesn’t mean you have to stay stuck in them. You can develop greater self-awareness.

Could you be so familiar with negativity that you don’t even realize it’s affecting you? When a negative bias goes unchecked, it can distort your perspective, making discouragement feel normal. I’ve done it, and I’m guessing you have too.

Jesus wants you to be free from unnecessary burdens. If you’re carrying something that serves no purpose—something blocking you from the life He intends—you need to let it go.

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30 ESV

Jesus offers rest, but often we continue carrying weights He never asked us to bear. Immediately after these verses, Matthew 12 describes how the Pharisees burdened people with unnecessary rules. Jesus made it clear—He doesn’t want you weighed down by man-made expectations.

Ask yourself: What rules, requirements, and burdens am I carrying unnecessarily?

God wants us to be anxious for nothing. Acceptance is the antidote to worry. When you accept God for who He is and yourself for who He made you to be, you unlock the ability to love others the way He calls you to.

Self-acceptance is twofold—it means rejecting who you aren’t while embracing who you are.

Practical Steps to Heal Negativity

To break free from negativity, start by interrupting harmful thought cycles with truth. Negativity thrives when it goes unchallenged, so speak affirmations rooted in Scripture, such as “I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14).

Engage in activities that bring joy and renewal—whether it’s taking a walk, connecting with a supportive friend, or journaling about God’s faithfulness. Most importantly, surrender your burdens through prayer, asking God to reveal and lift the weight you’ve been carrying.

Transformation doesn’t happen overnight—it begins with small, intentional choices that gradually shift your mindset. When you align your thoughts with faith, hope, and God’s unconditional love, negativity loses its grip.

If you want to dig deeper into this, work through my book Confident Identity: Christian Strategies to Forget Who You Aren’t and Discover Who You Really Are. Or, see below for another post about self-acceptance.

Learn more about self-acceptance
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Last updated 20250504

Forgiveness Opens The Heart To Miraculous Healing

Forgiveness Opens The Heart To Miraculous Healing

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What do you need most in your life right now? Do you have a greater need to forgive or to be forgiven?

When I recently considered the question, it surprised me. Is my suffering greater than the suffering I’ve caused? I like the question because it made me think. It’s a good question for self-examination.

However you answer the question, confession and repentance are necessary. The person who needs to be forgiven must release the debt so God can pay it. The person who needs to forgive must release the debt held against another. But this also requires God’s forgiveness for holding onto unforgiveness.

Jesus’s words about forgiveness cover this all too well.

If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Matthew 6:14-15 NLT

Forgiveness opens the heart to allow restorative healing.

What Does it Mean to Forgive?

Forgiveness is both simple and complicated. It’s both easy and hard. Forgiveness starts with opening your mouth and saying the words, “I forgive” or even “I want to forgive, help me forgive.”

For some people, that might seem like the hard part, but it’s really the easy part. It only takes a few seconds, and it’s done. It doesn’t cost much. And there’s quite a lot to gain. Eventually, the release brings peace of mind.

Forgiveness often feels counterintuitive—how could relinquishing our rights ever be in our best interest? It’s what makes it so hard to begin with. Forgiveness can feel like you are giving up all hope for any kind of return to normal, how everything was before the offense. In one sense, it’s true. To say “I forgive”, and mean it, is to walk away empty-handed.

But forgiveness done right is an appeal to a higher authority. It is a no-brainer kind of trade. I give up my rights in return for healing by God’s touch.

Everything we have comes from God anyway. So, can we say we ever had anything? In one sense, yes, but in another, no. Whatever we have, we lack the power to command it.

Job understood how to release and leave his heart open to God’s touch:

Job stood up and tore his robe in grief. Then he shaved his head and fell to the ground to worship. He said,
“I came naked from my mother’s womb,
    and I will be naked when I leave.
The Lord gave me what I had,
    and the Lord has taken it away.
Praise the name of the Lord!”
In all of this, Job did not sin by blaming God.

Job 1:20-22 NLT

Just as Job released his grief and trusted in God’s sovereignty, Jesus demonstrated the ultimate act of forgiveness, teaching us how surrender can lead to redemption.

Even as Jesus hung on the cross, His act of forgiveness brought immediate suffering, followed by death—a profound demonstration of the cost and courage forgiveness requires. When sorrow or fear sets in after saying ‘I forgive them,’ know that it’s a natural part of the healing journey. It is a real loss. You are saying goodbye. You are letting go of something that you can never have again. What is done is done.

Though forgiveness begins in pain and loss, its ultimate reward is renewal—a gift from God that replaces despair with hope. After you hit bottom, God provides a way out of the empty despair. In God’s hands, hope is resurrected through the new blessings He provides, carrying us toward a renewed purpose. What does God’s hope look like in your life today? What God makes new won’t be the same as what you lost, but it will be an opportunity to continue living for God. Jesus rested for three days, and then God resurrected Him. God wants to resurrect you, too.

What claims do you have on others that you need to release? Maybe the claim is against yourself. Perhaps the person you need to forgive most is yourself. You need forgiveness as much as everyone else. Don’t close your heart to God’s healing touch. Release and be resurrected.

Learn more about forgiveness.
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Last updated 20250330

Relax Into A Reliable God

Relax Into A Reliable God

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God is reliable but not predictable–He does not change in shifty ways (James 1:17). Have you ever lost something important and then felt a sickening panic when you couldn’t find it? Ever felt like you misplaced God? Nothing is lost if you know what you are looking for, where to find it, and how to detect it.

In the Fellowship of the Ring, Bilbo has a moment when he can’t find The Ring. He looks all over for it and works himself into a frenzy. But then after only a few minutes, he finds it in his pocket (where he left it).

When you’ve lost something important, a few anxious minutes can feel like an eternity. When this happens, more than a physical sensation is involved. A spirit of fear can take hold. You can almost touch it like you are walking through a dense cloud of it. Before you know it, you can believe you are doomed.

God is Reliable (He’s not hiding or lost)

In Luke 15, Jesus tells several parables about us being lost and the rejoicing that happens when we repent and move toward God. While Jesus never worries or panics, it is clear that He misses us when we become distracted with life and forget about Him.

From our perspective, isn’t it usually the other way around? We think we know where we are and we declare that God is missing.

I can’t feel God anymore. God, are you there? It doesn’t feel like you are there. Don’t you care that I’m suffering?

This reminds me of Mary when her brother Lazarus died. “Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died” (John 11:32). She is hurting and disappointed. But she knows that God’s presence makes all the difference.

God is Reliable (but you might not feel His presense)

When God is present, it is first a spiritual experience and second an emotional experience. If you find yourself all alone in the sense that you can’t feel God’s presence, you might be tuned to the wrong channel.

If you only go looking for God with your feelings, you might miss Him. He’s always there, but you can’t always feel Him. You can read the Bible and know He will never abandon you. But I’m talking about something different.

When Jesus left us, He sent His Holy Spirit to be with us.

And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, who will never leave you. He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth. The world cannot receive him, because it isn’t looking for him and doesn’t recognize him. But you know him, because he lives with you now and later will be in you. No, I will not abandon you as orphans—I will come to you.

John 14:16-18 NLT

God is Reliable (your salvation is secure)

God will never leave you. If the Holy Spirit is a deposit to guarantee your salvation, then it isn’t possible to lose your salvation. There are definitely times when circumstances can convince you God is gone. The enemy is a deceiver. He wants to mislead you so you will become discouraged and stop living for God. You can’t lose your salvation, but you can “misplace” it.

God is right there “in your pocket” but if you panic, you won’t be able to sense Him. If you are blinded, God could be right there with you but, if you panic, you can blind yourself to His presence and stray into a dangerous mental state. If you can’t seem to see God and can’t believe He is with you, check if your eyes are covered with lies (real eyes realize real lies).

As believers, we can sense God’s presence without necessarily feeling God’s presence.

I believe in the sun even when it’s not shining. I believe in love even when not feeling it. I believe in God even when He is silent.

Anonymous

The next time you feel like God is absent, try reaching out with your spiritual senses. Affirm God is with you spiritually. Then ask the Holy Spirit to teach you about God’s truth and love.

This post is part of a series on eternal security. You can read the introductory post: eternal security means full assurance of salvation.
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All Things New

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A traumatic event is not easily forgotten. As you begin this new year, what is one thing you’d like to forget?

If you’re in a car accident, your car doesn’t fix itself. If your tooth develops a cavity, the decay needs to be removed. When something breaks, you must decide what to do with it. Can it be restored? Is there hope, or are you better off cutting your losses?

If nothing will ever change, then hope will be impossible. Then all that remains is suffering.

God introduces the needed change.

I am creating something new. There it is! Do you see it?

I have put roads in deserts, streams in thirsty lands.

Isaiah 43:19 CEV

Because God is making us anew, hope is inevitable. You can change. You don’t have to remain stuck and hopeless. God is rehabilitating you. God wants you to feel hopeful.

Anyone who belongs to Christ is a new person. The past is forgotten, and everything is new.

2 Corinthians 5:17 CEV

Forget what happened long ago! Don’t think about the past.

Isaiah 43:18 CEV

The more you can leave behind your past, the better you will be. “Leave behind” is a loaded phrase. It takes significant emotional work to leave behind difficult experiences (memories).

Therefore, to move forward, you first need to move backward. If your carpet is dirty and worn, you need to rip it out before you can install new carpet.

Grieving is the work of leaving behind. Once that raggedy carpet is gone, you can forget about it. But you don’t want to completely forget about it, otherwise, you’ll be more likely to repeat an accident (like spilling grape juice).

Grieving allows you to remember the lesson, but forget about the discomfort and shame. Forget about it. Don’t worry about it. You are free. Once you are free, you are open to all that God has for you.

What is one new thing you want God to do in your life this year?

The Paradox of Humility

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No one can claim they are the humblest person in the world with much credibility. But those of us who struggle with self-worth know that confidence is equally elusive.

Somehow though, confidence and humility are the same thing. If you are confident (but not arrogant), you’ll also be humble. And if you’re humble (but not engaging in false humility), you’ll also be confident.

Doesn’t that seem strange that appropriate confidence, the kind God wants us to have, is also a way to express humility? I mean strange in the sense that confident probably isn’t the first word that comes to mind when you think of humility. But how could it be any other way?

God who is all powerful clothed Himself with humanity. If there is a paradox, Jesus represents it perfectly.

To be strong doesn’t mean to be closed or unreachable. God’s strength is approachable. Jesus’s birth offers us the greatest hope possible.

We are creatures of habit. Once we know how to do something, we go on autopilot.

If you’ve ever experienced a negative, false belief about yourself, you know firsthand the intense struggle that is required to put off the false and put on the truth.

You can’t have confidence and humility without also having peace and joy.

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30 NLT

In your quest to become more confident and humble, remember that it feels like peace, joy, and rest. I bless you now with rest for your soul. Amen.

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Hope for the Holidays

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The holidays at the end of the year tend to be polarizing. You could find yourself at the North Pole, visiting Santa. Or, you could find yourself at the South pole, all alone.

If life has gone well for you throughout the year, then Christmas is the ultimate celebration with friends or family (or both!). It’s like having your favorite dessert with your favorite topping. It’s not essential, but it sure tastes good.

If life hasn’t been going well, December might be cause to emphasize how terribly lonely you feel. That could be like your car breaks down, and you have no place to go for Christmas. You might wonder, What else is going to go wrong?

Life can be cruel sometimes. You can make the extra effort to be nice or work hard to complete a project at work, but the reward doesn’t come. Maybe even just the opposite happens: you are rejected and betrayed by an important person in your life or you lose your job (or both!).

What next? Is there hope for you? Has God abandoned you? It probably feels like He has.

God is Aware of Life’s Ups and Downs

God is aware of all the times when life disappoints. He’s wired into our hearts such a desire for good things. So, of course, He expects you to feel disappointed when your expectations aren’t met. This doesn’t mean you should throw out your expectations.

Your desire for life to go smoothly and to be able to enjoy your days is essential.

Your ability to hold onto hope when life doesn’t go smoothly is equally essential.

Somehow God wants you to aim for the highest and best possible outcomes, accept all (short-term) setbacks, and continue in faith and hope. Share on X

Giving up on God is the ultimate expression of hopelessness. Loneliness, boredom, and hopelessness are really just natural consequences of not seeing God’s reality. You’ve lost everything if you’ve lost sight of God’s reality.

God Hasn’t Forgotten You

God still loves you. His love hasn’t changed. You can rest in this fact. Isn’t that what we most want to know during difficult times? You’re not experiencing catastrophic news meant to permanently shut the way to all hope. God is still with you amidst the chaos.

Your chance is coming. How do I know this? God is good. To want to not be lonely is a good thing. It’s hard to feel hopeless and not also feel lonely. It’s equally hard to feel lonely and also not feel hopeless. But if this is true, then the opposite is equally true: if you’re connected to someone, it’s hard to not feel hopeful.

Knowing you are connected to someone on a regular basis is essential to emotional well-being.

Even when you are alone, you won’t feel so lonely if you’re feeling hopeful. Hope comes from faith in Jesus and what He promises.

This Christmas, focus on seeing God’s reality. Ask God to help you believe and you’ll have hope for the holidays. Your heart will be home for Christmas.

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Faith Hope and Love

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What is the difference between faith, hope, and love? Why would it matter to you? It matters because you need all three for a healthy spiritual life.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13 NIV

So, love is greater, but faith and hope are important too.

Faith and Trust Fit Together

If you have faith, then you must be trusting in Jesus Christ. To trust in Jesus Christ must mean you have a vibrant faith.

But, faith comes before hope:

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

Hebrews 11:1 NIV

You could hope for something, but lack the faith (the confidence) that it will come to pass. That kind of hope is essentially worthless (it isn’t biblical hope). You can hope it doesn’t snow tomorrow, but nobody is going to promise you that it won’t snow.

If Jesus never promised us anything, there would be no need for hope. Faith would be enough.

Hope and Future Events Fit Together

Hope is the excitement around an anticipated event. When you have faith in Jesus, you’re able to trust His promises. You’ll have hope that what He says will eventually come true.

For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees?

Romans 8:24 ESV

So, you trust a person and you hope in a promise. Through faith we have hope that carries us along to the finish line. What about love?

Love Makes Faith and Hope Possible

If Jesus wasn’t full of love, He wouldn’t have provided the way for us to trust or hope in Him (Ephesian 2:8-9).

Love is the greatest because it involves action with the greatest effort and risk. Love would sacrifice everything.

Anyone can hope. Many people believe in something. They trust and have faith. Few truly love.

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Faith Has Nothing To Do With Circumstances

Faith Has Nothing to Do With Circumstances

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Faith is first of all unwavering trust in a person: Jesus Christ. True faith means that trust exists and remains whether or not what you’ve asked for is fulfilled. This kind of faith comes only from your relationship with Jesus, made possible by the Holy Spirit.

Faith and Doubt can Coexist

Your faith doesn’t have to be perfect. Its strength doesn’t need to be at 100% for it to be effective. You can struggle with doubt as a believer. Your struggle is also an opportunity to strengthen your convictions. God wants us to trust the person (Jesus) first, not a specific outcome. This is important because we can’t predict God’s will in many of life’s details.

Having faith in God when He answers your prayers isn’t enough. You need faith in God even when He doesn’t answer your prayers the way you expect Him to. Of course, whenever you ask for wisdom, forgiveness, or other things God is eager to give to you, then you must believe and not doubt:

…if any of you lack wisdom, you should pray to God, who will give it to you; because God gives generously and graciously to all. But when you pray, you must believe and not doubt at all. Whoever doubts is like a wave in the sea that is driven and blown about by the wind. If you are like that, unable to make up your mind and undecided in all you do, you must not think that you will receive anything from the Lord.

James 1:5-8 GNT

What is it that you must believe? The work of God is to believe in Jesus (John 6:29). To call yourself a believer, you must know who Jesus is. You must believe He is exactly who He says He is. God is all-powerful. God is in complete control. God is wise. God is good.

Have Faith in What God Wills

If you want to improve your faith, consider asking God for the wisdom to know the difference between a prayer He will always answer with yes and others which are maybe or no. Wisdom, patience, maturity, the ability to love… God always grants these. Praying for your basic needs is likely to result in a yes. For example, you could pray that God would meet your transportation needs (likely) or you could pray for an extravagant car (less likely, but depends on why you’re asking). How this works depends on your heart–how you prioritize your life.

God answers prayers according to His sovereign plan, but He also answers them in the context of His relationship with you. Your biological father will give you good gifts if he knows and cares about you. Your heavenly father will also give you gifts appropriate to your spiritual maturity, your connection with Him, and His purposes (Matthew 7:11).

God, being good, gives good gifts. Therefore, there is never a reason to give up your faith. Faith that God is real and that He rewards those who seek Him is essential (Hebrews 11:6). Don’t give up on God!

Perhaps the times when you doubt God are the times when you are experiencing a deep sense of betrayal. God hasn’t betrayed you, but it can certainly feel that way. Even then, God would have you trust Him and continue to believe He is good and has something good in store for you.

Then you can say like Paul:

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful.

2 Timothy 4:7 NLT

How is your faith? It can be unwavering only because God is unwavering. God has a plan for your life. As a believer, your life always has a happy ending.

Learn more about the quality, not quantity of faith.
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Last updated 2023/11/19

Is Control Healthy or Unhealthy?

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Do you think of control as a positive or negative? Your answer probably depends on who is in control. Is it you, someone else, or God?

All else equal I’d prefer to be in control. But I’m probably better off when I trust God because He is both good and in control.

When Control is Unhealthy

There are many different ways control plays out in our lives. Are you in-control, out-of-control, God-controlled, or self-controlled? Any of these could be positive or negative, depending on the perspective you choose.

Control is unhealthy when you force or manipulate from a place of fear. Relying on your own ingenuity apart from God doesn’t usually work well. Doubting God but acting anyway didn’t turn out well for Moses (Numbers 20:10-13).

This kind of control is unhealthy in at least these two situations:

  1. When you hold onto something too hard
  2. When you hold onto something too long

Holding Too Hard

Some things in life are delicate. A death grip doesn’t work. If you turn to something or someone in desperation, you might cling too quickly or too intensely. Your relationship with God or others will probably suffer.

Don’t make anything, including your own way of doing things, more important than God intended. Using food, alcohol, sex, grades, status, money, people – anything really – beyond God’s intended use is destructive. You might harm the thing, the other person, or yourself.

Holding Too Long

Some things in life are temporary. A permanent grip doesn’t work. Some things you can’t control; you have to let them go. You can try to force something temporary to be permanent, but that’s probably going to destroy it. You’ll suffer a loss either way.

You have to know when to cut your losses. Accept what you’ve already lost. Move forward to the next good thing to come into your life. Recognize the good things you already have.

When Control is Healthy

God is in control, so control can’t be all bad. Control is healthy when motivation to act comes from love and faith.

There are certainly situations when a lack of control is unhealthy. Control in this context is acting when it is the right thing to do. Passivity would be sinful (James 4:17). Control is healthy in at least these two situations:

  1. When you act like God
  2. When you cling to what is good

Act Like God

Some things in life are forever. Protect what is valuable. Step into the situation and be responsible. Have the discipline (self-control) to do what is right. Self-control is the same as letting God be in control and aligning yourself with what He wants (Ephesians 5:1-2).

When God’s Spirit is in control, the law doesn’t apply.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Galatians 5:22-23 NIV

Cling to What is Good

Some things in life are worthy. A wimpy grip doesn’t do them justice. Pursue and lay hold of whatever is good. Consider for example: wisdom, a wife, and a mature faith (Proverbs 4:7; 18:22, Philippians 3:12).

Your faith is valuable; don’t trade it for anything. To increase healthy control you must also decrease unhealthy control.

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

Romans 12:9 NIV

Control can be understood as either right action or wrong action. The next time you have the opportunity to act, check yourself: Am I acting in love and faith? Is what I’m about to do helpful or harmful?

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Is Love A Choice

Is Love a Choice?

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God loves you. But what does this mean? God is love (1 John 4:16). So, God has to love. He can’t not love. Does He love out of obligation? Is His love involuntary?

We know God cares enough to die for us (John 3:16). He paid the price to redeem us. He is patient with us. He did what He had to do to keep us alive (spiritually).

To say love is a choice is to say that it is objective. You and I can show love despite how we feel about another person. If we only loved when we felt like it, our actions would only be motivated by how others treat us. But here I am talking about human love which can be fickle.

God’s agape is different. It always does right. It flows out of who God is. In that sense, it could be described as involuntary.

Love makes it impossible to harm another, so love fulfills all that the law requires.

Romans 13:10 TPT

Much of life is starkly unpredictable, so it’s nice that God doesn’t change His mind about loving us.

Is Love More Than a Choice?

When love is a choice, it’s a rational, steady, and dependable love. But there is more to it than that. Love as only a choice is incomplete. Love includes compassion, affection, and favor. Agape is motivated by feeling. But keep in mind that God’s feelings are pure, undefiled by any sin.

The Lord your God is in your midst,
    a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
    he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing.

Zephaniah 3:17 ESV

Subjective, irrational love is at the center of agape. God is not cold, loving only out of obligation. He is passionate and unrelenting. God’s favor, from the core of His being, drives Him to save us no matter the cost.

God’s Love is Irrational

God goes “all in” with His love toward us. This makes it an extravagant love. God’s loving favor doesn’t make sense, but that’s what makes it wonderful.

God doesn’t only do the minimum decent thing to do. He doesn’t save us in compassion and then tell us to go on our way. He adopts us into His family (1 John 3:1; Romans 8:14-30).

God’s family is forever. In Isaiah 49, God’s people felt like Yahweh had abandoned them.

Yahweh responds, “But how could a loving mother forget her nursing child and not deeply love the one she bore? Even if a there is a mother who forgets her child, I could never, no never, forget you.

Isaiah 49:15 TPT

God’s affection for you is greater than any imperfect parent.

If you, imperfect as you are, know how to lovingly take care of your children and give them what’s best, how much more ready is your heavenly Father to give wonderful gifts to those who ask him?”

Matthew 7:11 TPT

God has a strong bond of love with you. He withholds nothing good from you. What can you do today to believe, trust, and feel God’s affection for you?

For God has proved his love by giving us his greatest treasure, the gift of his Son. And since God freely offered him up as the sacrifice for us all, he certainly won’t withhold from us anything else he has to give.

Romans 8:32 TPT

So, God loves you. He values you. He saves you. He rejoices because of you. He makes you a co-heir with Christ.

I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Ephesians 3:17-19 NIV

God has many good things in store for you, things too wonderful to fully comprehend today, but things that allow you to experience the fullness of hope as you are filled with God (Ephesians 3:20).

Read more about God’s love.
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Last updated 2023/04/30

How To Live Worry Free

How to Live Worry Free

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Worry is an automatic behavior for many people. It’s an attempt to control something that cannot be controlled. Therefore, the more you worry, the more frustrated you’ll become.

There is plenty in life that happens against our wills, so there is plenty of opportunity to worry. In our wisdom, we don’t know what to try to prevent and what to allow. But God has perfect wisdom.

If worry is a behavior then it is also a choice. When a person is accustomed to worrying it might feel involuntary. That can happen when the belief system that allows worry is buried out of awareness.

Anxious worrying involves fear. What is worrying you? Is it more physical like health (fear of suffering) or finances (fear of powerlessness)? Maybe it is more personal like your worth (fear of rejection). Whatever it is, the underlying belief system has something to do with trust.

Ridding yourself of worry requires trusting God with the parts of life out of your control. The more you focus (without considering God) on what you can’t control, the more anxious you’ll become. The more you live in fear, the more discouraged you’ll become.

Encouragement is the Antidote to Worry

Anxious fear brings depression,
but a life-giving word of encouragement
can do wonders to restore joy to the heart.

Proverbs 12:25 TPT

The only way to live worry-free is to give up your attempts to control the outcomes of your life. This doesn’t mean giving up on trying to make a positive difference in this life. You can love God with everything you have, but still accept that this life rarely goes exactly how you want it to.

There’s always a greater reality beyond what you see immediately in front of you. Encouraging words never need to be empty promises. Whatever is encouraging must be based on a promise of God. Evil may appear to be winning during this life. Evil might look like it has defeated good, but God always has the final word. His voice brings victory.

The horse is made ready for the day of battle,
    but victory rests with the Lord.

Proverbs 21:31 NIV

Maybe you are caught up in fear. Maybe you aren’t allowing a life-giving word of encouragement to reach your heart. Maybe then you are putting too much hope into your own efforts. We can (and should) prepare for battle, but it is only because of God that we can win.

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

1 Corinthians 15:56-57 NIV

Living intentionally by telling God you want to be more hopeful. Agree that you want to open your heart to encouragement. Imagine God encouraging you. Which of the following would be most life-giving to you?

  • You are unconditionally loved.
  • You are safe and secure.
  • You are wanted in a relationship with me.
  • You are significant and valued.
  • You have a place in my kingdom-house.

Fortunately for us believers, all of the above are true. Then why don’t they often feel true?

Discouraging Wounds are Real, But God’s Encouraging Words are More Real

None of those statements require that your circumstances are always pleasant or desirable. They are spiritual truths more than they are facts fulfilled by this current life. Spiritual truths last forever; circumstances are temporary. Don’t confuse the two. When you believe your circumstances are forever and the truth is temporary, you will understandably be afraid. So if you’re struggling, ask yourself which way you’re believing.

Spiritual truths remain true, even when they don’t feel true. Who you are (all the good that God made you to be) remains true, even when you don’t feel good about yourself.

When terrible, painful things happen, we are supposed to feel sad, but not discouraged forever. If you lose a loved one, develop a serious medical condition, or face humiliating rejection, you will feel it, and you should.

No doubt that life circumstances can be obstacles to faith. No doubt there is plenty to be sad about. Just not sad forever. The reality of who God is brings joy to the heart.

Wounds are real, but what God has to say counts infinitely more. Open your heart to life-giving encouragement.

For every child of God defeats this evil world, and we achieve this victory through our faith.

1 John 5:4 NLT

Read more about trusting God.
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Last updated 2022/11/06

Increase Your Faith

Increase Your Faith

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“I’m not sure I have enough faith to make it through this.”

“Increase our faith!” (Luke 17:5).

“I believe; help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24).

When you go through a personal crisis your faith is tested. Your friends might say, “just have more faith.” Taken as a cliché, it’s not only not helpful, it can be annoying. But as you’ll see, where you focus makes all the difference.

Seek Genuine Faith

Just have more faith is all about your effort–as in you’re not trying hard enough. If you hear “have more faith” and groan or feel even more discouraged, you’re focusing on a powerless effort devoid of God. You might feel cynical: Why should I try if it feels like God has abandoned me? But this won’t be fruitful because your focus is on yourself.

Now, let’s consider Have faith in God which is all about God. It’s genuine because God is the focal point. Genuine faith looks, sees, believes, and trusts. It’s not about how hard you’re trying.

For it is my Father’s will that all who see his Son and believe in him should have eternal life. I will raise them up at the last day.

John 6:40 NLT

This shifts the focus from what is impossible for us to do, to what is possible for God to do. The ability to believe connects us to God, giving us eternal life. God intentionally divides people into two groups (consider John 10:1-16 and Matthew 25:31-46). The only significant difference between the two is that God’s people undergo a transformation from spiritual death to spiritual life made possible by seeing and believing. Being born again forever changes a person. That’s what it means to have eternal life.

Your primary work is to believe in God. This means something different than “have more faith,” which is useless when it lacks belief. With genuine faith, you believe and are able to walk forward in the power of what you believe (see James 2:14-26 for more on this).

Jesus told them, “This is the only work God wants from you: Believe in the one he has sent.”

John 6:29 NLT

Belief Comes From God

God is at work in believing process.

God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God.

Ephesians 2:8 NLT

For no one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws them to me, and at the last day I will raise them up. “I tell you the truth, anyone who believes has eternal life.

John 6:44, 47 NLT

The power is in the believing. What should you believe? Your primary work is to believe God is who He says He is. God is good. God is your source of eternal life.

How to Increase Your Faith

I want more faith, don’t you? You can’t run a marathon or even to your street corner without food. Likewise, you can’t finish a spiritual race without a vibrant faith.

To strengthen your faith, you feed on God’s words. You meditate on God’s truth. You consume God’s words and allow them to become a part of you. How positive and hopeful you are depends on how much you reinforce your belief in the Good News about Christ.

So faith comes from hearing, that is, hearing the Good News about Christ.

Romans 10:17 NLT

If you’re a believer, then you have faith already, but for it to do you much good, you have to exercise it regularly. Get your running clothes out of the closet and put them on.

Take the time throughout your day to be aware of your belief: I have faith. I believe. I can see and hear God. God is real. God is my help. I trust God. Then move forward confidently with all you have going on in your life. God is with you.

For more on increasing your faith, consider:
Faith as Spiritual Vision
www.desiringgod.org
www.crosswalk.com
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Last updated 08/20/2023

Get Out of Spiritual Debt

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How are you doing spiritually? Would you say you are running your spiritual race with ease or friction? By friction, I mean the weight of spiritual debt.

What Is Spiritual Debt?

Spiritual debt is anything that slows you down from advancing God’s kingdom. Spiritual debt = doubt = disbelief.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.

Hebrews 12:1 NLT
Our human economy operates on money; God's economy operates on faith. Share on X

Having doubt is like having debt. You can still move forward in life, but your opportunities are limited.

And without faith it is impossible to please [God], for whoever would draw near to God must believe that He exists and that he rewards those who seek Him.

Hebrews 11:6 ESV

But I Struggle With Doubt

Doubt is okay for the moment, but it’s something to actively work to get out of. Don’t feel condemnation if you have doubts; everybody doubts. But heavy, chronic doubt is an indication of weak, immature faith. You can’t feel close to God while simultaneously doubting Him.

God doesn’t want you to be weak or ineffective. Faith is like a muscle. You must exercise your faith muscles daily.

You can’t manipulate God into doing your will, but exercising your faith brings you deeper into His presence. Faith is belief. Faith is a gift of God.

Increase your faith by holding firm to all you believe.

Remember to stay alert and hold firmly to all that you believe. Be mighty and full of courage.

1 Corinthians 16:13 TPT

Increase your faith by asking God to increase your faith. Ask God to increase your conviction that He is good and wants to reward you.

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Is Your Fear Healthy?

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Halloween can be a fun time of dressing up and eating your favorite form of sugar. But for the careless, it can be an invitation to journey further along a dark path, unaware of the real danger ahead. It’s possible to be so ignorant or hateful of what is good, that looking upon evil with fascination is preferred.

You nearly scared me to death! We say this after becoming connected with our deepest fears when we didn’t have the time to analyze what was really taking place. Our bodies act defensively before we understand the threat is relatively harmless.

Whatever we’re focused on is where we’re heading. If we’re obsessed with fear, how will that ever end well? Excessive fascination with anything other than God is, essentially, an addiction.

I don’t blame anyone. We’re all looking for a way out of suffering. In our desperation though, let’s look to what will bring life.

Have you ever been “scared to life”? It’s an opposite reaction to a fascination with evil. One day you realize your focus is leading you over a cliff and you finally feel appropriately scared. You want to turn around and run the other direction.

That’s awesome! But if you run recklessly in another direction, you’ll eventually come to another cliff.

Healthy Fear is a Respect for Reality

A healthy fear of a deadly weapon, such as a gun, keeps you alive. With a lack of fear, or with a hysterical fear, you might end up losing a life.

Healthy fear has nothing to do with anxiety or worrying. A healthy fear recognizes that God is in control and dependence upon Him is the only way to stay alive.

Don’t be afraid of those who want to kill your body; they cannot touch your soul. Fear only God, who can destroy both soul and body in hell.

Matthew 10:28 NLT

If you know of anyone who is fascinated with fear, Pergamum might help save their soul.

Pergamum is a haunted trail in Southwest Ohio “Where the dead, come to Life!” “The goal of Pergamum is to use the Halloween holiday to bring people to the realization that there is life after death. At the end of Pergamum, every visitor will be given the life-changing message of Jesus Christ and the opportunity to choose life over death.”

Image by Andreas Lischka from Pixabay