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Archives for September 2020

Headship And Submission Are The Big Guns

Headship And Submission Are The Big Guns

September 20, 2020 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

If you’ve ever been in an argument, you know it can escalate quickly. Before long you both can resort to bringing out the big guns–meant to finally win the battle. If you find yourself using the biblical roles of headship and submission to make your point, realize that you could be using the nuclear option.

Demanding that your spouse submit or sacrifice for you isn’t a healthy way to resolve conflict.

Some conversations attempting to resolve conflict are messy arguments and some are civil discussions. Sometimes an honest discussion can be heated, and that’s okay, provided you know how to repair any collateral damage.

All healthy discussions need to be based in reality. There is no perfect wife and there is no perfect husband. The Bible sets the bar high for how to treat your spouse, but God doesn’t intend for anyone to “weaponize” the scriptures.

God commands the husband to lay down his life and the wife to submit, both in service to the common good. The command comes from God. It doesn’t work when it comes from your spouse.

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

Ephesians 5:22-27 NIV

Healthy Headship and Submission Preserve Unity

Headship and submission allow a marriage to work. They are needed to find the way out of a stalemate (no pun intended). They are really meant to be a last resort to preserve the unity in your marriage.

You can resolve a large majority of conflict by using good communication skills. If you have good communication, you shouldn’t have to mention the words headship or submission. If you can’t resolve most of your issues with a win-win result, you have a different problem. Playing the “you’re supposed to submit” or “you’re supposed to sacrifice” card won’t help you find a win-win.

Healthy Headship and Submission Avoid Sin

If your issue isn’t life or death, then likely you don’t have to make an immediate decision one way or the other. Instead, move forward when you both have peace. God cares more about how you get along than whether you decide to buy a new car or not.

For a wife, there’s a difference between submitting to your husband’s healthy ideas and his sin. For example, God doesn’t require a wife to submit to a husband who wants to rob a bank. The same applies to a husband and his sacrifice. God didn’t want Adam to follow Eve into her sin.

You sacrifice or submit when your spouse has reached their limits. When your spouse’s maturity level blocks the conflict resolution, you yield out of compassion for them. You bear the consequences of their sin, forgiving them.

This requires healthy discernment. Both husband and wife should be committed to growth, but God allows you to yield to your spouse when their distress is too high.

Healthy Headship and Submission Encourage Equality

It would be wrong to give in to your spouse all the time just because of God’s command to you. Promoting ongoing selfishness in each other is its own sin. You will reach peak marital satisfaction when you are both happy most of the time. It’s okay to get your way some of the time. But you might also need to hear that it’s okay to not get your way some of the time.

However you resolve your conflict, it’s important that you return as quickly as possible to the sense that you are equals. Headship (love) and submission (respect) give you the opportunity to meet some of your spouse’s deepest emotional needs.

Image by Michael Drummond from Pixabay

Filed Under: Marriage Tagged With: headship, submission

Giving Up

How To Keep Going When You Feel Like Giving Up

September 7, 2020 by Matt Pavlik 1 Comment

What are some reasons you feel like giving up? Do they include any of the following?

  • Have you experienced too many failures or rejections?
  • Do you feel worth less than others?
  • Do you feel not needed or not wanted?
  • Do you feel tired, lost, or confused?
  • Does your existence seem pointless?

You might not think of yourself as depressed, but if you answered yes to any of those questions, then you are experiencing some form of discouragement. When your burden becomes too great, you’ll naturally consider giving up. Feeling like you want to give up should throw a red flag for you.

Unfortunately, you will encounter discouraging people and circumstances. Sometimes you can make better choices to prevent bad things from happening. Other times, there isn’t anything you could have done differently. Either way, when you continue to suffer long after a difficult experience, there’s usually a good reason.

What keeps you weighed down and prevents you from moving forward? Do any of these sound like you?

  • You’re trying to do it all yourself.
  • You believe God doesn’t care or He is somehow against you.
  • You think being humble means you should have low self-worth.
  • You think you’ve committed the unpardonable sin and God is condemning you to hell.

Unfortunately, you can become committed to a life strategy that doesn’t work. If so, it’s either based on a lie or it’s not the right approach for you.

What do you need to know to keep going instead of giving up? Can you say that any of these are true?

  • You have a clear purpose and act on it consistently.
  • You ask God to help you advance His kingdom.
  • You ask God to purify your motives.
  • You understand God is responsible for the results (the fruit).
  • You trust God to multiply your efforts.
  • You surrender the outcome to God.

Why are you really doing what you’re doing? Do you have at least one main reason? If you don’t, you’ll find you have no gas in your tank to draw on when the going gets tough.

Are you weary, carrying a heavy burden? Then come to me. I will refresh your life, for I am your oasis. Simply join your life with mine. Learn my ways and you’ll discover that I’m gentle, humble, easy to please. You will find refreshment and rest in me.

Matthew 11:28-29 TPT

You are to be faithful to the resources God has given you. God causes all things to grow.

I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. The one who plants and the one who waters have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own labor. For we are co-workers in God’s service; you are God’s field, God’s building.

1 Corinthians 3:6-9 NIV

It’s easy to have selfish motives. If you can see yourself as partnering with God, then you’ll be more willing to let God help you align your desires to His desires.

Don’t give up. God loves you and has a plan for your life.

Are you still feeling like giving up? What do you struggle with the most about finding and living your purpose? Are you able to both know your purpose and enjoy your life?

Read more about why you should never give up.

Photo From: https://www.si.edu/object/signal-flag-pole:nmaahc_2017.111.19

Filed Under: Emotional Honesty, Identity, Self-Image Tagged With: purpose, self-worth

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