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Archives for August 2018

Should You Follow or Ignore Your Feelings?

August 31, 2018 by Matt Pavlik 1 Comment

When should you trust your feelings? When should you not?

I don’t recommend you ever ignore your feelings. They are there for a reason.

But it’s up to you to figure out what they mean and what to do about them.

If your feelings are negative, that doesn’t mean you agree with them and follow them. Think of your feelings like your ability to taste or smell. You don’t continue eating if the food tastes bad. But you should be glad you can taste that the food is bad, so you can stop eating.

Just because you feel like you want to steal something, doesn’t mean you should. But the urge to steal something should help you learn something about what you need emotionally. Perhaps you need to ask for what you need more often?

Always consider how there could be a legitimate way to satisfy your feelings. You might feel hungry for junk food, but how about something healthy instead?

Or, you might have a goal to lose weight down to a healthy weight. Without a good option, sometimes the healthiest thing to do is to not eat anything. You’ll feel hungry going unsatisfied, but you have a higher purpose in mind: feeling fit and enjoying being in shape.

You might feel angry like you want to get revenge. If you follow through with revenge, you’ll likely only create more problems for you and harm others. But feeling angry tells you that some changes are needed. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

Emotions are an excellent catalyst for learning life lessons. Sometimes this means learning the truth, but at other times this means unlearning what is false.

Emotions are indicators which require interpretation. They aren’t a green light to act inappropriately. If you continue to act spontaneously on your feelings, then at some point you’ll find yourself someplace you’d rather not be. Oh, if we might only be able to taste the regret before we act.

When you have to make a decision that requires discernment (a decision that isn’t obviously right or wrong), they can act more like faith, intuition, or your gut instinct. Thank you, God for this gift of discernment. Help us all to grow in wisdom by your Spirit.

 

Filed Under: Emotional Honesty, Core Longings

How do I Realize My Identity?

August 24, 2018 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

When life is a struggle, sometimes we wrestle with ourselves, sometimes with our circumstances, and sometimes we wrestle with God.

I wonder what challenge your facing that is causing you to want to realize your identity. Whatever the challenge is, I suggest you face it head-on. As you wrestle with it, you’ll learn more about who you are. Jacob wrestled with God and God ended up changing his name.

 And Jacob was left alone. And a man wrestled with him until the breaking of the day. When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he touched his hip socket, and Jacob’s hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him. Then he said, “Let me go, for the day has broken.” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” And he said to him, “What is your name?” And he said, “Jacob.” Then he said, “Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with men, and have prevailed.” Then Jacob asked him, “Please tell me your name.” But he said, “Why is it that you ask my name?” And there he blessed him.

—Genesis 32:24-29

To understand your identity, you should also consider your worldview. What is your relationship to everything else besides you? Look at where you fit in comparison to everything else.

Considering your likes and dislikes is good. Considering what others see is also good. But there’s more. What brings deep satisfaction and meaning to you?

To realize your identity, enter into the following cycle:

  1. Define yourself as best as you can. Who are you?
  2. Live life. Experiment. Try something new.
  3. Define your worldview. Where are you?
  4. Define your purpose. Why are you here?
  5. Define your goals. What do you want to accomplish next?
  6. Focus on what is most meaningful to you for a while.
  7. Return to step 1 and repeat.

Filed Under: Identity, Boundaries Tagged With: goals, meaning, purpose, struggle, worldview

What is Identity?

August 18, 2018 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

Imagine you’re in the worse sandstorm of all time. The wind uses the sand to scrub away at you. The intensity of the blast separates little pieces of you and the wind carries them into the distance.

If this were a real sandstorm, your physical body couldn’t withstand it. But I’m talking about a cleansing from who you aren’t. After such a thorough cleansing, what is left of you?

Identity is what you can’t ever lose. Whatever is left is the true you. What got carried away wasn’t ever really a part of the true you.

These four dictionary definitions (compiled from yourdictionary.com/identity and dictionary.com/browse/identity) capture the essence of identity. Identity is:

  1. “Who you are.” This definition encapsulates what I mean by identity.
  2. “The set of characteristics by which you are definitively recognizable.” This definition clarifies that we can use identity to distinguish you from others.
  3. “Your unique characteristics held by no other person.” This definition clarifies that having an identity means you have something that no one else will ever have.
  4. “What remains the same, constant, persisting over time, under varying circumstances.” This definition provides the insight that identity must be permanently yours, or else it really isn’t part of you.

Take a moment and think about what can be taken from you or what you can lose. What is left?

I’m not talking about the things God has promised are yours. If you’re a Christian, you have eternal life and eternal relationship with God and others. Your identity is who you are. The “who that is you” will always be forever and ever. Remember this when you feel like life is ripping you apart limb by limb.

And I will put this third into the fire,
and refine them as one refines silver,
and test them as gold is tested.
They will call upon my name,
and I will answer them.
I will say, ‘They are my people’;
and they will say, ‘The Lord is my God.’”

—Zechariah 13:9

God is helping you become the purest and truest version of who you are.

Listen to the Refiner’s Fire worship song. Ask God to help you know and experience your true identity.

Filed Under: Identity, Boundaries, Self-Image Tagged With: loss, purify, refiner's fire, suffering, true identity

4 Breathtaking Ways God Responds To Pain

August 11, 2018 by Matt Pavlik 1 Comment

Pain in this life up until heaven is inevitable. When times are good it’s easy to forget that and instead expect life to be pain-free. Then, God becomes the bad guy.

Job and Jonah learned this but in different ways. Job had an exceptionally good life, then he lost nearly everything, then he regained happy circumstances. He knew what it is like to see painfully dramatic shifts in his fortune.

Jonah’s life was average; he was neither rich nor poor. But at least he had a relationship with God; he knew God’s forgiveness. Yet, he apparently didn’t remember what it was like to be a recipient of God’s mercy. Or, at least he didn’t want to see people, who he thought didn’t deserve it, be given the opportunity to receive it.

At the end of Jonah (chapter 4), God demonstrates to Jonah the value of caring about others who are less fortunate. Jonah is sensitive to God’s blessing (the plant) the God’s removal of blessing (the plant dying). It’s normal to be sensitive, but God wants us to learn how to distribute our concern equally between ourselves and others.

Some people are overly concerned about themselves to the neglect of others. While some others focus too much on others’ needs, ignoring their own needs.

When the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain required to change, you become sufficiently motivated to grow. If you’re blocking the pain, you’re holding back your growth. If you’re experiencing more pain than you can handle, you’re too isolated from love.

To be able to tolerate life’s misfortunes, you need God. God is love; only He can cause pain to become relatively insignificant when compared with our futures in heaven (Romans 8:18).

I believe Peter was speaking from his experience of denying Christ (John 18:17, 25–27) and being reaffirmed as a chosen disciple when he wrote this verse:

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

1 Peter 5:10 ESV

1. Restoring Minimizes Pain

Restore means to return to a former condition, place, or position. God wants you to have what you have lost. This doesn’t mean you will receive exactly the same as what you lost (Job didn’t). But God wants you to move forward according to the plans He has for you.

2. Confirming Minimizes Pain

Confirm means to make it publicly valid. What happens in your life should be relevant to other people in your life. We celebrate and mourn together, not alone.

3. Strengthening Minimizes Pain

Strengthen means to support, increase, and reinforce. If you are going to move beyond pain, you need God’s strength. Pay attention to how God is developing your ability to complete His plans.

4. Establishing Minimizes Pain

Establish means to achieve permanent acceptance. When God establishes you, He does not have plans for you to run away (like Jonah). He is appointing you to accomplish His work.

Notice the progression. Restore and confirm recover what was lost. God wants to heal you. But strengthen and establish go beyond the unimaginable. When God establishes you, you’re permanently accepted. God has called you to eternal glory. You can’t get more permanently accepted than that.

God does all of this because He cares. Whenever you experience suffering, you always have a choice to turn away from God or to turn toward God. Peter experienced God restoring, confirming, strengthening, and establishing him (John 21:15-17). You can, too!

Read more about pain.
Image by Alexa from Pixabay
Last updated September 18, 2022

Filed Under: Self-Care, Healing, Spiritual Formation Tagged With: Forgiveness, Growth, suffering

Identity Manifesto

August 3, 2018 by Matt Pavlik 1 Comment

Do you know what a manifesto is? According to thesaurus.com, it’s a public statement of belief — a “public declaration explaining past actions and announcing the motive for forthcoming ones.”

I wrote an Identity Manifesto to raise awareness of the need for us to better understand who God intends us to be. Why? Because the lack of identity is at epidemic proportions. I’m calling for you to join me in serious pursuit of who God made you to be.

You can't be blind to who you are, believe lies about yourself, and see God clearly at the same time. Click To Tweet

If everyone knew who they were and why God made them, imagine what effect this would have on the quality of life. Wouldn’t addiction, crime, depression, anxiety, bad attitudes, feeling lost and empty… all decrease and maybe even cease?

As all Christians grow in their identity, the time will pass quickly as God’s plans come to fruition. Then, we’ll be together in heaven, fully knowing each other and fully knowing God.

You’ll receive a copy of the Identity Manifesto when you signup to receive my weekly emails.

When you make a decision to join me in pursuit of identity, let me know in an email or post a comment. I ‘d like to know what you find to be the most difficult thing about learning who God made you to be.

Filed Under: Identity

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