Matt Pavlik

3 Ways To Protect Your Relationship With God

June 19, 2022 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

If you don’t protect your relationship with God, your relationship will likely deteriorate. You have an enemy that is doing all he can to destroy you.

The war against the saints is real. The enemy, the devil, wants to create animosity between believers and God. He accomplishes this by convincing believers that God is harmful, evil, or even uncaring.

Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.
1 Peter 5:8 NLT

The devil never ceases to slander humans to God.

Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say:
“Now have come the salvation and the power
    and the kingdom of our God,
    and the authority of his Messiah.
For the accuser of our brothers and sisters,
    who accuses them before our God day and night,
    has been hurled down.
Revelation 12:10 NIV

Here are three ways you can protect your relationship from these attacks:

1 – Protect Your Relationship With God by Knowing Jesus’s Audience

The world can be divided into two sets of people: believers and non-believers. When Jesus interacts with people in the Bible, He is usually tough on the people who are against Him and compassionate toward people who are fragile. In the following text, He equates “little ones” or “children” to “those who believe in me.”

“If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come!
Matthew 18:6-7 NIV

And, when He references causing people to stumble, He is talking about the evil in the world that wants to harm one of His children. This passage in Matthew doesn’t mean that God wants one of His children to die. This isn’t a message of condemnation for believers. His audience is non-believers, not believers.

2- Protect Your Relationship With God by Asking for the Right Gifts

What you want can be divided into two categories: external (or worldly) blessings and internal blessings. A worldly blessing will expire at the end of this life but a spiritual blessing lasts forever.

You could ask God to improve your finances or health. I want more money. I want a bigger house. These are external changes. God, change my circumstances.

You can also ask God to help you mature. I want a better attitude. I want more patience. These are internal changes. God, change me.

If you ask with the wrong motives, God might not grant your desires (James 4:3). If you don’t get what you want, you might draw the wrong conclusions about God. God is withholding good things from me. God wants to give good gifts, but He is the one to determine what gift is needed and when it is needed.

It’s okay to ask for worldly gifts. However, you will protect your relationship with God if you don’t expect more from Him than He promises.

3- Protect Your Relationship With God by Putting God First

You can interpret your experiences in two different ways. You can focus on the negatives or the positives. To avoid painful misinterpretations, you must trust God more than your experiences.

The enemy will do all he can to create interference between you and God. One of the best ways he can accomplish this is by using your experiences against you.

The enemy wants to elevate your experiences above God. For example, if you lose your job, the enemy could attempt to sow fear into your life by promoting the idea that God isn’t taking care of you. If you agree, you are valuing what happens to you more than God.

All three of these examples will protect you from doubting that God is on your side. Whatever you do, don’t let the enemy gain a foothold in your relationship with God. A weakening loyalty to God will only create an opening for the devil to stir up confusion.

In what ways are you doubting God? Talk to God about your impressions of Him. Do all that you can to restore your sense of allegiance to Him. Protect your relationship with God at all costs (Matthew 18:8-9).

Another way to interpret the Bible.
Another way to interpret the Bible correctly.
Picture from Pexels

Emotional Healing Is Possible For You Today

June 12, 2022 by Matt Pavlik 1 Comment

God won’t always grant you more money or heal your body. But the Holy Spirit is always ready to provide emotional healing.

Are you being serious, Matt? I’ve been suffering for years. I don’t believe it. God doesn’t care about my pain. Does He?

Yes, I am serious. The Holy Spirit’s purpose is to guide believers into the truth. If you think about it, that’s the definition of emotional healing. You have a personal guide who can help you become intimately acquainted with God’s truth. Healing is more than learning facts, it’s an emotional experience of the truth.

The only caveat is that you must ask for and seek healing using biblical principles. Transformation is highly desirable, but not necessarily guaranteed (without effort on your part) or easily obtained. You have to really want it.

If you want this valuable transformation, you need to pursue it with Faith, Boldness, Persistence, and Humility.

Emotional Healing Requires Faith

Faith allows the believer to see spiritually. If you are going to approach God, it needs to be with a clear view of who God is. You need the ability to trust God and stay focused on His character!

And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.
Hebrews 11:6 ESV

If you struggle with believing God cares about you and wants you to thrive, then your first task is to ask God for the faith to see Him clearly.

Emotional Healing Requires Boldness

Boldness in this case means you seek without any kind of pretending or bashfulness. You must approach God with authenticity. You speak clearly. You tell it like it is!

In [Christ Jesus our Lord] we have boldness and access [to God] with confidence through our faith in him.
Ephesians 3:12 ESV

If you are afraid to approach God with what is on your heart, seek out another believer or a counselor who can help you develop boldness.

Emotional Healing Requires Persistence

God’s treasures are not left in the open for all to find. Only those people who really want to find the secrets to life will find them. To find them requires persistence. Do you understand the value of what you are seeking?

“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.”
Matthew 13:44 ESV

I love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently find me.
Proverbs 8:17 ESV

If you are tired and want to give up before you reach your goal, ask God for the energy to continue your pursuit.

Emotional Healing Requires Humility

If you want help, you must first prepare your heart to receive help. Desperation is a form of humility that God desires from us. God, you are my only hope! What I want is important and you are the only one who can supply my need.

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
Psalm 63:1 ESV

In the pride of his face the wicked does not seek him; all his thoughts are, “There is no God.”
Psalm 10:4 ESV

Emotional Healing is the subject of an experiential course I’ve developed. To heal emotionally requires that you are willing to:

Understand what your heart needs and doesn’t need.
Learn healthy ways to manage your pain.
Remember uncomfortable experiences.
Confront negative beliefs with the truth of who God is and who you are.
Feel and express your emotions.
Stop avoiding pain in ways that do more harm than good.
Emphasize seeking God and bringing your pain to Him.

While I’m putting the finishing touches on Emotional Healing, it’s available for a substantial discount. From now until Independence Day (July 4, 2022), you can purchase it for $44 instead of $100. Today could be the day you declare independence from the lies that lower your self-worth.

The first lesson is available to preview without any obligation. Also, this post is based on one of the exercises in the course.

Image from Pexels

Be Authentic And You Will Belong

May 15, 2022 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

Having high expectations is good as long as they don’t come at the cost of being authentic. So, are expectations good or bad?

When you expect too much of yourself, you can never achieve an authentic life. If you are always chasing after some ideal standard, you won’t be able to appreciate who you are in the moment. An inauthentic life is never profoundly satisfying.

However, if you don’t expect enough of yourself, you also won’t be able to achieve an authentic life. You’ll be resigned to your shortcomings. You’ll assume that the way you are today is as good as it gets.

Be Authentic: It’s Okay to Cry

One common way to be inauthentic is to hold back your tears. Big boys or girls don’t cry. But what does it cost you to maintain the appearance that nothing phases you?

Keeping your feelings stuffed inside splits you in two psychologically. The public (or visible) you takes on too high expectations while the private (or hidden) you takes on too low expectations. This puts you in a body that is trying to be two different people at the same time. The more a person insists on living this way, the more likely they will experience a psychological breakdown.

No one should have to pretend to have their life together just to keep a relationship. But it’s all too common for someone to believe I’m too much or I’m too little.

Be Authentic: It’s Okay to Risk

The person you are today isn’t all that God has planned you to be. While being genuine doesn’t mean pretending to be someone greater than you are, it also doesn’t mean embracing a negative self-image. The one is too prideful while the other is too humble.

To seek to be closer to who you really are requires risking exposure. Some people will find out you aren’t who you’ve been leading them to believe. You might also find out that you’re never going to be like someone you idolize. Both of these realizations can produce some sadness.

If you’re going to choose an authentic life, be prepared for some initial disillusionment. But it should resolve quickly. If you work at accepting your God-given identity, you’ll find you’ve only lost what was never true and gained what was always true.

Be Authentic to Maximize Your Belonging

God wants us to embrace exactly who we are: who He made us to be. He gives each of us the faith to see our true selves. Because God planned for you to be your authentic self, you will automatically belong with Him and all your other spiritual brothers and sisters.

You must be willing to understand your identity and act with integrity because others are depending on you to be authentic.

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us. Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other.
Romans 12:2-5 NLT

Don’t compromise who you are (God’s design) for any reason.

Would anyone like to share some ways they struggle to be authentic?

Unbelief Is The Only Unforgivable Sin

May 8, 2022 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

Persistent unbelief is the only evidence of unforgivable sin. Have you ever read a seemingly scary passage in the Bible and wondered if you were going to make it into heaven? If so, I have good news. Because you care about your salvation, then you are open the to Gospel message. You are either a believer or you have the potential to become one.

Here are the two verses from Matthew that create some spiritual confusion about the “unforgivable sin.”

Therefore I tell you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven people, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven. And whoever speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come.
Matthew 12:31-32 ESV

The Person Who Believes Has The Holy Spirit Forever

To be capable of speaking against the Holy Spirit, a person cannot already have the Holy Spirit.

Therefore I want you to know that no one who is speaking by the Spirit of God says, “Jesus be cursed,” and no one can say, “Jesus is Lord,” except by the Holy Spirit.
1 Corinthians 12:13 NIV

If you consider the context of Jesus’s statement that blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is unforgivable, you will see that the bottom-line meaning of blasphemy is persistent, absolute unbelief.

If you die while still not believing in the power of the Holy Spirit to raise you from the dead, this is unforgivable; You won’t be in heaven. But, for example, if you became a born-again believer ten years ago, you lied to someone yesterday, and you died today, you would still be in heaven. That’s because by being born-again you have the saving power of the Spirit living within you. Committing further sin does not evict the Holy Spirit. Your sin will grieve the Holy Spirit, but God will never abandon you.

This also means if you at one time in your life claimed, “The Holy Spirit isn’t real,” or “The Holy Spirit has no power to save,” but today you believe, then you will still be in heaven when you die. You couldn’t have committed the unpardonable sin. Peter, a believer, denied Christ three times, but Jesus didn’t consider Peter a lost cause.

The sin of unbelief only becomes unforgivable after you die. Before you die, all sin is forgivable. Even the thief on the cross with Jesus became a believer only hours before his death.

Unbelief in The Power of The Holy Spirit Is Unforgivable

The role of the Holy Spirit is to convict the believer of sin. If a person denies the power of the Holy Spirit, then there is no power that can bring a person to repentance.

Jesus makes a powerful logical argument for why the Pharisees are spiritually blind.

Then a demon-oppressed man who was blind and mute was brought to him, and he healed him, so that the man spoke and saw. And all the people were amazed, and said, “Can this be the Son of David?” But when the Pharisees heard it, they said, “It is only by Beelzebul, the prince of demons, that this man casts out demons.” Knowing their thoughts, he said to them, “Every kingdom divided against itself is laid waste, and no city or house divided against itself will stand. And if Satan casts out Satan, he is divided against himself. How then will his kingdom stand? And if I cast out demons by Beelzebul, by whom do your sons cast them out? Therefore they will be your judges. But if it is by the Spirit of God that I cast out demons, then the kingdom of God has come upon you. Or how can someone enter a strong man’s house and plunder his goods, unless he first binds the strong man? Then indeed he may plunder his house. Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters.
Matthew 12:22-30 ESV

In context, Jesus is saying that only a person aligned with Satan would deny that the Holy Spirit has power. Meaning: only someone with unbelief toward God and who attributes miracles to the power of Satan. A person can’t reject the work of the Holy Spirit in their life and be saved.

But, anyone who accepts the work of the Holy Spirit will be saved. As long as you have the Holy Spirit, you have access to repentance and “forgiveness for every sin and blasphemy.”

Jesus’s explanation in verses 22 to 30 is a logical proof. There are two powers: one of evil and one of good. Evil does not work against evil. Good does not work against good. Only an evil spirit can work against a good Spirit (also see Matthew 12:33-37). Only a good Spirit can work against an evil spirit. If a person attributes the work of the Holy Spirit to the work of Satan, that person must be blind to the truth (unsaved). They stand in judgment and condemnation.

A person who is still concerned about their sin still has a conscience which means the Holy Spirit is still working in the person’s life. After a person commits the unforgivable sin, the Holy Spirit cannot indwell the person.

If you care about your salvation and can repent, there’s still hope for you. But for the person who doesn’t care, this person doesn’t believe in heaven or hell, and therefore this person won’t feel any concern about their disbelief. They are ignorant of the truth.

A person who cannot believe the truth does not have access to the power of the Holy Spirit and therefore cannot believe the Holy Spirit is real, and therefore can only conclude that Satan works against Satan, as absurd as that is. The person who so deliberately aligns themselves with absolute darkness and against the light stands eternally condemned. The Holy Spirit cannot grant them repentance.

How about you, are you aware of or ignorant of the truth? It is only by the power of the Holy Spirit that a person becomes aware of the truth.

Read about the full assurance of hope that is yours.
Read about forgiving others.
Image by Marlon Sommer from Pixabay
More about blasphemy of the Holy Spirit:
Eternal Sin. Note: I don’t agree with everything said.
Beyond Forgiveness. Note: I don’t agree with everything said.

Recover From Crushing Betrayal

May 1, 2022 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

A husband’s betrayal causes his wife significant pain. While both are out driving, he loses lost control of his car and smashes into her car. He had been drinking. How can she recover from this betrayal?

Both are thrown from their cars and somehow land next to each other. The husband touches his head and discovers a sizeable bump. The wife can’t move her leg; it’s broken.

The husband keeps mumbling that he is sorry. But his wife doesn’t believe him.

How could you do this to me? I’ll never be able to forgive you. You could have killed me. You need help. You need to fix this so I’ll be able to walk again.

When the ambulance arrives, the wife can’t stop talking about her husband.

It’s my idiot husband who broke my leg. Make sure he gets help for his alcohol problem.

When the paramedic asks if she wanted treatment for her leg, she declines.

This is my husband’s fault. I don’t need help because I didn’t do anything wrong. He is the one who needs to figure out why this happened and how he can make this right. If I get my leg fixed, then he will think this is no big deal and he’ll never stop drinking.

A Physical Accident Should Not Be Different Than an Emotional Betrayal

A physical accident will probably never play out like that. No one in their right mind would refuse to have their broken leg treated. However, I’ve seen an emotional accident create this kind of response in the person who was betrayed. The logic goes something like this:

Why should I be inconvenienced with counseling when it’s my husband who has the problem? It’s his fault. He’s the one who should face the consequences. I don’t need counseling. He does.

This assumes that receiving medical care for a broken leg is somehow different than receiving emotional care for a broken heart. Medical care seems to be deserved but counseling is a punishment. As someone who works as a counselor, this saddens me.

Why are these two healing procedures treated so differently? I think it is because the medical model requires very little of its patients. The doctor does all the work. The patient is usually given pain killers to numb the pain. It’s obvious that a whole leg is better than a broken one. It’s obvious that the broken leg was the husband’s fault.

A person with a broken heart can nurse bitterness for a long time without feeling obligated to do anything about it. Some people might even encourage unforgiveness as a consequence: Forgiveness is a sign of weakness. It can feel like the only leverage a person has against a repeat offense.

A well-known saying applies here. Unforgiveness is like drinking poison to make the perpetrator suffer. But this doesn’t work emotionally either because the victim ends up giving up too much control over their own life just to make a point. Why would anyone want to suffer more? Maybe they are desperate to know if their suffering matters to the perpetrator.

Others have the power to hurt you but they don’t have the power to make you well.

This is an unfortunate fact of life. This is why forgiveness is necessary. Only Jesus has the power to make you well. We appeal to Him through prayer so that we might be healthy again.

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.
James 5:16 ESV

We forgive others so that our hearts are open to receiving God’s forgiveness.

And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.
Mark 11:25 ESV

Forgiveness doesn’t prevent God from working in the perpetrator’s life, but unforgiveness might prevent God from working in yours. Counseling is supposed to be an emotional healing process, not a burden. If you’ve suffered an emotional injury, why not seek all the help you can get?

When you are in a state of unforgiveness, you are spiritually weak. But having forgiven, you are strong. Unforgiveness is about trying to maintain control over something you can’t control. Forgive today so you will be healed.

More about relational health.
Image by Queven from Pixabay

The Danger Of Trusting Too Much

April 24, 2022 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

Trust is essential for healthy relationships. So much so that you might wonder if trusting too much is even possible. Wouldn’t more be better?

Is trusting too much the same as loving too much or eating too much chocolate? How can you go wrong with something so good that is often in short supply? Anything used beyond its intended capacity or function can become harmful.

Trusting Too Much

Would you walk across a room in broad daylight? Most people wouldn’t have a problem with this. How about walking across the same room at night? While more challenging, most people could handle this. But what would happen if I had thrown out a handful of thumbtacks onto the floor?

Yes, it is possible to trust too much. It’s called blind trust. No one will fault you for it–possibly only yourself, after the fact. That’s because your trust benefits others. It will benefit you too, but only up to a point.

It might be helpful to think of trust not so much as an all-or-nothing blank check, but as something that you grant others in varying degrees. Asking whether you should trust someone oversimplifies the problem. Forcing a “Yes” or “No” leaves too much room for error. And the more error, the more people will be hurt.

To minimize the hurt, a better, more refined question is “How much do I trust this person?”

Trust has a natural limit or capacity much like a cup. If you fill a cup beyond its capacity, you will make a mess and waste your refreshing drink. With this analogy, the cup is the other person’s trustworthiness and the liquid is the length you go to trust them. Before you fill the cup it’s better to estimate how much it can hold. Does it have holes? Try to determine an individual’s character and trustworthiness.

Trust is a commodity that has a limited supply. If you give too much away… if you waste it… you might be unwilling to trust when you really want to.

Trusting too much is like giving away an essential body part and expecting the recipient will be able to keep you alive. It’s depending on someone for something they can’t possibly give you. You were never meant to function that way.

By trusting too much, you open yourself to being taken advantage of. Others might benefit, but only at your expense. When that happens, you are going to get hurt. The more you feel hurt, the more you are likely to decrease your level of trust.

While protecting yourself is wise in some cases, it’s never the best option all the time. Overprotecting yourself to prevent ever being hurt again goes too far. You might trust too little as a general rule you apply to everyone (even the people who are trustworthy). Instead of discerning if people are trustworthy (which requires much more effort), you predetermine to not trust anyone by withholding real consideration.

Trusting Too Little

Some people choose to trust too little. This is called mistrust. What if the person you are in a relationship with is trustworthy but you aren’t capable of trusting? That’s going to slow down your relationship, maybe to the point of breaking it.

Let’s return to the cup analogy. What if you go to fill another’s cup and realize you only have a few drops of trust that you’re willing to spare? If the other person has the capacity for trust, then you can be the limiting factor in the relationship.

How would a teenager feel about a mom who walks him to school and sits with him in class? Assuming the teenager typically makes it to school on his own and participates in class, this extreme hovering would degrade the relationship. The teen would probably either begin to rebel (which would be healthy) or suffer from low confidence (which would be unhealthy).

In an extreme case, trusting too little is called paranoia. A mom might have skipped school when she was a teenager. Perhaps she suffered from low self-esteem because her classmates teased her. She could over-emphasize her past hurts and then project them onto her son. It’s possible she feels too vulnerable even when her surrounding environment is safe.

It’s important to notice in this example that the amount of trust this mom allows isn’t based on her experience and observations of her teenager but based on her experiences and observations of herself.

Trusting Just Right

What is a person to do? If you trust too much, you can be hurt. If you trust too little, you hinder your relationships. The right amount of trust is called perceptive trust. The person engaged in perceptive trust is open to trusting others to the degree that they show themselves trustworthy. That’s exercising discernment.

Trust is evidence of a healthy relationship. But because no one is completely trustworthy except God, the cautions about trusting too much still apply. Even when you rightly determine a high level of integrity in a person, the amount of trust you place in an imperfect human should still be limited. Trusting too much will break your relationships with other humans. Others can’t live up to an exaggerated amount of trust. With too high expectations of a person, the relationship is doomed to fail from the start.

Trusting too much puts people on a pedestal. It can become idolatry.

It is better to trust the Lord for protection than to trust anyone else, including strong leaders.
Psalm 118:8-9 CEV

No matter how trustworthy another person is, there will always be some risk to trusting him. Nobody is perfect. Anyone at any time can let you down. So why should you trust anyone, including God who allows others to hurt you?

You can never trust God too much. He is completely trustworthy. You can’t blame Him for others’ mistakes. The more you trust God, without limit, the better off you will be.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
Proverbs 3:5 NLT

Trusting God with all you’ve got provides you with an insurance policy. If anyone lets you down, God will always be there to take care of you. When you’ve been betrayed, trusting God might not always make sense, but it doesn’t have to. Blind trust in God is always better than no trust in God. Although, even with God, trust based on a positive experience of Him is more robust. Don’t neglect to build up your trust in God.

Read about repairing broken trust.
Image by Christian Calhoun from Pixabay
Updated and Expanded August 7, 2022