Christian Concepts

Bringing your Potential to Light

Archives for August 2020

Are You Selfish, Self-Neglectful, Or Selfless?

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Selfishness at its root is wastefulness. Poor stewardship is the misuse of resources. Gluttony is a perfect example of selfishness. You are selfish if you consume more than you need while others don’t get what they really need.

The selfish person refuses to do what is helpful and right. He prioritizes his wants over another person’s needs. Selfishness overlaps with pride. A selfish person might throw away good food instead of giving it away to those in need. It’s deliberately spiteful or intent on seeing others suffer.

With such a bleak definition, you might be thinking, “I’m not that selfish.” And maybe you’re right. Instead, maybe you are self-neglectful. Would you starve yourself so another can eat? That doesn’t sound any better than letting others starve.

The selfish person can’t be thankful. Being thankful allows you to see the abundance of what you have. Take a moment to consider the excess you have. Most people have well beyond what they need to be happy. Yet, many people aren’t happy. What will it take for you to be happy?

Selfishness can also have a fearful root. True happiness is living with peace in any circumstance. It’s the ability to be content. It’s impossible (or nearly impossible) to be content and selfish at the same time. Paul wrote about contentment:

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:11-13 NIV

Because of sin, it’s easy to be selfish. Because of sin, it’s also easy to give others exactly what they want (to avoid any uncomfortable conflict). But can you be generous and have healthy boundaries at the same time? You can because Self-care isn’t selfish. With God’s help, your motives for giving can be free of resentment, bitterness, or anything negative.

So I have decided to ask Titus and the others to spend some time with you before I arrive. This way they can arrange to collect the money you have promised. Then you will have the chance to give because you want to, and not because you feel forced to. Remember this saying, “A few seeds make a small harvest, but a lot of seeds make a big harvest.” Each of you must make up your own mind about how much to give. But don’t feel sorry that you must give and don’t feel that you are forced to give. God loves people who love to give.

2 Corinthians 9:5-7 CEV

God wants you to be selfless. That means you work toward being a good steward of the resources God has given you. You know the difference between what you need and what you want. You derive your happiness from the abundance of what you already have. You share what you have to those who have need. You give to others only when your giving helps instead of creating further harm. You allow yourself to enjoy the life God has given you.

When you are focused on God and His kingdom, you can be happy and content whether you are in need or you have plenty.

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Ever Feel Like You Are Waking Up From A Bad Dream?

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Dreams are exciting. They can be wonderful-exciting but they can also be scary-exciting–at least until you wake up from them.

How can you tell if you’re dreaming? Sometimes you can’t until you wake up. You need something to compare and contrast with your dream. Once you’re awake you can do a reality check. “That was so weird. Thank God that was only a dream.”

The way you understand the world is constantly changing. As a child, what you experience early on becomes your best understanding of what the world is all about. If that experience was horrible or even neutral, you’ll form that kind of worldview and self-image. From there your understanding will continue to roll downhill unless something happens to point you in a new direction.

Thank God that He has redeemed us. He is calling us out of darkness, as if we were waking up from a bad dream.

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.

1 Peter 2:9-10 NIV

Having mercy and never having received mercy are two very different places to be.

What you experience becomes truth to you until something more true takes its place. Something totally wrong can seem obviously true. When God gives you a new heart and exposes you to the light, only then can you see the contrast. This experience can be so shocking, it’s hard to discern what is true and what is false. A psychological term for this is cognitive dissonance.

Cognitive dissonance is good for you. When you struggle to make sense of life, you are experiencing an opportunity to grow–to move further into the light. You should be experiencing this emergence all the time. Here are some examples:

  • Do you remember the first time you realized that Santa Clause wasn’t real?
  • Have you developed your own worldview, or are you still running off of your parent’s worldview?
  • How does your view of the opposite sex compare to when you were 10 years old?
  • If you’re married, do you remember what you thought marriage was before you got married?
  • What was your life like before you became a Christian? How do you see God differently now?

How have you changed in the past year? What has God been doing to “wake you up” from your false beliefs? Take a moment to thank God for His light. Ask Him to shine it upon you so you can see more clearly.

The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.

Numbers 6:24-26 NIV

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How To Know When To Say No

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You might be more of a people pleaser than you realize. When you are presented with a decision, how often do you discount your opinion with something like, “I can go either way” or “It doesn’t matter to me; you pick”? Or, maybe you disregard your opinion with a “Yes” without considering what you want.

Certainly, there will be times when you are indifferent. Even during these times, it’s nearly always a good idea to know what you want, even if you give up what you want for someone else.

A quick response of indifference might involve the least amount of effort, but it can cost you significantly more later on. Instead, what if you invested the time to know what you want?

The less you know yourself, the harder it is to give a clear, direct answer to even a simple question. When you know yourself well, your answer will be second nature.

You might be wondering, “How do I get to know myself?” There are two main approaches to strengthening your self-image. You can remain reactive or go proactive.

  1. In reactive mode, you stumble through life and only give consideration to your ways when it becomes absolutely required of you (if ever).
  2. In proactive mode, you consider your ways every chance you get. You explore your past and use what you learn to better your future. You take advantage of the fact that God gives you truth about life, including details about who you are.

A step in-between the two modes is trial and error. You essentially try something blindly. Then perhaps as an afterthought, you evaluate the outcome. It’s not completely reactive or proactive.

The superior approach is having an awareness of who you are. Then during any given moment, you can proactively choose how to act based on what you know about yourself. God wants you to live a self-examined life (see Haggai 1).

Essential to every approach is what you do with your experiences. God gives you a process to discover your identity (who you are as defined by God). The goal is to increase the awareness of your identity so that decisions become easier over time.

If you have trouble people-pleasing or making good decisions, that’s usually because you don’t know yourself well enough. Learning who you are can occur “on accident,” but knowing yourself will take much longer that way.

Instead, take the time to evaluate your experiences and weed out the lies that are growing in the garden of your self-image. With the clutter of lies cleared away, you’ll know more clearly whether you want to say yes or no.

For example: if you don’t know who you are very well, then you might end up with an over-booked schedule. You’ll wonder why you are tired and irritable. If you continue to ignore your God-given identity, you’ll assume you are doing what God wants you to be doing because you are serving others.

In contrast, with healthy boundaries that come from a healthy identity, you’ll be confident about where to draw the line. You can say yes to some activities and no to others without feeling guilty or overwhelmed.

Some things God requires of you. You should feel motivated to do right and not wrong. But actually, most things are up to you. God loves a cheerful giver (2 Corinthians 9:7). You can decide to go for a walk or stay home. You can decide to visit a friend or be by yourself. For these decisions, you must trust that God gives you enough intelligence to choose.

You can know what to choose by determining what level of self-care you need at any given moment. Then weigh that against the needs of others around you.

You might be surprised at your preferences when you discover them, but they are never a surprise to God. God knows what you will choose before you choose it. Trust that God gave you a built-in preference system–that’s your identity.

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Are You Too Needy Or Not Needy Enough?

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Denial is deadly. If you don’t know that you are sick, you won’t seek the remedy you need.

But how far should you go to question your emotional and spiritual health? If you don’t go far enough, you’re still in denial. Could you make a serious attempt to put off denial, but still remain in denial? It’s possible. What you don’t know, you simply don’t know.

Therefore there are two unhealthy extremes:

  1. Constant worry about whether you’re missing something. For example, maybe you still have unconfessed sin that you need to find. You feel like you need more help than even Jesus can provide.
  2. Complete denial that you have any problems. For example, you’re unwilling to consider you need help. You don’t need any help.

The problem with both of these is they bypass trusting God. God wants you to skip both worry and denial. Worry is a too activated conscience. Denial is a too under-activated conscience.

To counter-act these extremes you need two health spiritual attitudes:

  1. “I need help.” Left to yourself, you realize you wouldn’t make it very far.
  2. “Jesus is sufficient help.” Jesus has the power to fully address whatever problems you face.

Scripture speaks on both of these attitudes:

When Jesus heard this, he told them, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.”

Mark 2:17 NLT

God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.

Psalm 46:1 NLT

You can admit you need help, without becoming helpless. You can be in need, but not hopeless. This is a posture of waiting expectantly.

Ask God to help you see where you are sick. Unless you see, you won’t be in a position to receive God’s healing and even His blessings. Try a prayer like this:

God, help me to understand my deepest needs. You keep the secrets of your kingdom hidden from the prideful but reveal them to children (Matthew 11:25). Open my eyes to the wonder of who you are and who I am.

To receive the benefits of this prayer, see yourself as needy enough to receive God’s blessings.

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God Will Deliver You From Failure

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How often do you feel discouraged by some kind of failure? If you think you’ve failed, you might say something like:

  • I really messed up this time.
  • There’s no hope for me now.
  • I can’t believe I did that.
  • I can’t be forgiven for that.
  • That was my last chance.
  • My best wasn’t good enough.
  • God is going to send me to hell.
  • I’ll never recover from this.
  • There’s no use trying again.

To believe any of these statements, you must be deceived. Every one of them has something false about it.

A worldly definition of failure has four parts:

  1. You did something.
  2. You weren’t supposed to do it.
  3. You can’t undo it.
  4. You are therefore perpetually caught in shame.

In fact, what makes failure so hideous is not so much the first three, but that last one. The lingering feelings of self-condemnation and self-loathing are unbearable and there appears to be no escape from them.

Sin is probably the best definition of failure. It completely misses what God wants for your life. Without God, you are defective because of sin. But God has stripped sin of its power. So it does not have a significant lasting effect.

Let’s reconsider the definition of failure, but include God this time. A worst-case definition of failure considers it to be only a temporary set-back.

Failure implies some kind of ending. But because God is an eternal being, endings do not exist for Him. Any moment in time is not the final word on your situation.

Failure implies some kind of hopelessness. But God is an endless supply of hope. Nothing can defeat God. Nothing can defeat God’s plans. Nothing can defeat God’s people. Nothing can defeat you.

You can always learn from your experience, even if it seems like an abysmal failure. God is ready to give you another chance. You can start again in a stronger position.

I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.

Psalm 34:4-7 NIV

So you can see that you will have trouble, but God will deliver you from the trouble. He will deliver you from evil. He will even deliver you from failure.

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