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Archives for June 2020

Focus On Needs Over Wants

June 27, 2020 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

Have you ever heard the phrase, “All I really need to know, I learned in Kindergarten?” It mentions tips like:

  • Share everything.
  • Don’t hit people.
  • Clean up your own mess.
  • Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody.
  • Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.

There’s something to that. What if we went even further back? All I really need I learned as a child under two years old. I can think of five essential needs:

  1. Mom’s milk
  2. Clean diaper
  3. Place to sleep
  4. Being held and talked to
  5. Stimulating activities

What would be the adult version of these things?

  1. Healthy diet
  2. Good hygiene
  3. Place to live where you feel safe
  4. Unconditional love: affection, encouragement, and discipline
  5. Interesting things to satisfy curiosity, an opportunity to grow, and make a difference.

Everything else is optional. But so many people introduce false substitutes for those five needs. Choosing wants over needs significantly downgrades life. It introduces worry because you can’t ever get enough of what you want. But you can be satisfied with what you need.

For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction.

1 Timothy 6:7-9 NIV

What are examples of wants that aren’t needs?

  • A fancy car (or maybe any car)
  • A big home
  • Cable TV
  • Designer clothing
  • An elaborate vacation
  • Alcohol

None of these things are a sin by themselves. But likewise, none of these ‘wants’ are essential ‘needs’. Or, put another way, there are a lot better achievements to put at the top of your list.

Why do so many people have their priorities mixed up? They believe the needs are unattainable, or perhaps not worth the effort, so they go for the more readily available, but cheap substitutes. Jesus encourages us to look beyond these wants, and even basic physical needs, to deeper spiritual needs. What God wants is better for us.

Why worry about clothes? Look how the wild flowers grow. They don’t work hard to make their clothes. But I tell you that Solomon with all his wealth wasn’t as well clothed as one of them. God gives such beauty to everything that grows in the fields, even though it is here today and thrown into a fire tomorrow. He will surely do even more for you! Why do you have such little faith? Don’t worry and ask yourselves, “Will we have anything to eat? Will we have anything to drink? Will we have any clothes to wear?” Only people who don’t know God are always worrying about such things. Your Father in heaven knows that you need all of these. But more than anything else, put God’s work first and do what he wants. Then the other things will be yours as well.

Matthew 6:28-33 CEV

One need we all have is being clean and fresh. I mean that physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. Feeling ‘dirty’ is almost intolerably unpleasant. How much caked-on guilt have you accumulated over the years? It can become overwhelming and self-destructive.

Perhaps you’ve made a mess of your life and you feel terrible. Try asking God to ‘change your diaper’. Ask God to create in you a clean heart. That’s a prayer He is always eager to answer. That clear conscience allows energy for living unlike any ‘want’ you can imagine.

Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay

Filed Under: Core Longings, Spiritual Formation

Reach Your Potential By Framing Your Life

June 21, 2020 by Matt Pavlik 1 Comment

Why do pictures have frames? A good frame enhances the picture by making sure it’s presented in the best possible way. The best frame will help a viewer see the picture at its fullest potential.

What frames your life? What do you use to make sense of it? If you don’t have anything in particular to guide you, there’s a better chance than not that you’ll adopt a pessimistic interpretation.

When I use the word pessimistic, I mean it in a relative sense. What you consider positive, might look negative when contrasted with God’s interpretation. God sees everything as it really is. Chances are, He sees you as much better than you see yourself.

Let’s look at the story of Lazarus as an example.

Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. Yet even now I know that God will do anything you ask.” Jesus told her, “Your brother will live again!” Martha answered, “I know that he will be raised to life on the last day, when all the dead are raised.” Jesus then said, “I am the one who raises the dead to life! Everyone who has faith in me will live, even if they die. And everyone who lives because of faith in me will never really die. Do you believe this?” “Yes, Lord!” she replied. “I believe that you are Christ, the Son of God. You are the one we hoped would come into the world.”

John 11:21-27 CEV

Martha knew enough about Jesus to know He can do great things and God will answer all He asks. But she assumed that Jesus was being positive only about the future, not the present.

Jesus could see more than Martha. He used His understanding to gently frame the situation for Martha. That’s the way it is for all of us. God sees more. He’ll probably always see more than we do. That’s why it’s good for us to believe Him and trust Him.

When Jesus saw that Mary and the people with her were crying, he was terribly upset and asked, “Where have you put his body?” They replied, “Lord, come and you will see.” Jesus started crying, and the people said, “See how much he loved Lazarus.”

John 11:33-35 CEV

Isn’t it amazing how much Jesus connects with the people in His life? He knows God. He knows He’s going to resurrect Lazarus. And, He’s so fully in tune with how Mary and Martha feel about their brother that He weeps with them.

Jesus looked up toward heaven and prayed, “Father, I thank you for answering my prayer. I know that you always answer my prayers. But I said this, so that the people here would believe that you sent me.” When Jesus had finished praying, he shouted, “Lazarus, come out!” The man who had been dead came out.

John 11:41-44 CEV

How about you? What do you have going on in your life that you’d like to share with Jesus? Tell Him your concerns. Tell Him how much faith you have in Him. Then, look for Jesus to frame your life in a way that goes beyond your expectations.

Frame your life in the best way you can. Give your life situation over to God. Ask Him to re-frame you. Be ready for a positive interpretation that exceeds your best interpretation. God loves you more than you realize.

Image by Couleur from Pixabay

Filed Under: Boundaries, Counseling, Emotional Honesty, Identity Tagged With: optimistic, pessimistic

Box Your Concerns And Give Them To God

June 14, 2020 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

The last few months have been especially stressful because of the various global crises we are all facing. In addition, each of us has our personal struggles. It’s overwhelming.

As Christians, we live between the truth that we will have trouble in this life and the truth that God comforts us during our struggles. Jesus had a lot to say to His disciples in the weeks before His death and resurrection.

A time is coming and in fact has come when you will be scattered, each to your own home. You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me. I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

John 16:32-33 NIV

Jesus knew that even His closest followers would be disturbed by his capture and crucifixion. They lost it and deserted Jesus. But, He prepared them well by explaining everything ahead of time. More importantly, He sent the Great Comforter in His place.

What can you do when you feel stressed beyond your limits? If you don’t manage your feelings well, you’ll end up reaping destruction. If stress isn’t addressed in a healthy way, the stress stays on you and in you. Then your body can end up bearing the cost of the stress. Or, you can hurt others out of your anger.

Any extreme response to difficulty doesn’t help much and usually makes the situation worse. The extremes I’m talking about are either:

  1. Denial of the problem which requires complete isolation from the problem. This is over-compartmentalized.
  2. Over-reaction to the problem which inevitably involves retaliation instead of reconciliation. This is under-compartmentalized.

Both options miss the best approach which is to face the problem and embrace the problem at the right time and under the right circumstances. When people reconcile they can’t get everything they want. Most people would choose to erase the harm if that were possible. Since it isn’t, there has to be a way to work through it. The working through it involves both:

  1. Letting go of what has already happened. It can’t be changed. What’s done is done. This usually involves a lot of sadness.
  2. Taking steps forward to make needed changes that are reasonable for all involved. This might involve some anger. But it needs to be anger that motivates positive change.

Are you feeling overwhelmed? When I’m counseling others, I like to assign exercises that help people find the most direct way to grow emotionally and spiritually. Here is an exercise to try:

  1. Think of a concern you have.
  2. Now imagine a box big enough to hold it. Put your concern in the box. Close it up and label it with a description.
  3. Think about what remains. If you’re still concerned about something, go to step 1. If you sense everything is boxed up, move to step 4.
  4. Thank God you made it to step 4. Seriously! If you made it this far, then for the moment your life has some sanity.
  5. Ask yourself what is left. If your concerns are put aside, there’s probably some good things left. Thank God for the good things.
  6. Ask God to take the boxes for safe keeping. He might destroy some boxes. Others He will hand back to you at the right time so you can work through your healing. Then, at other times, God will give you a box of blessings.
  7. Acknowledge that God is in control. Approach the boxes of concern at a pace you can handle.

Hopefully, when you finished boxing up your concerns, you found the truth remaining. You are significant and loved.

How does it feel to have your concerns separated from the truth of who you are? Problems put into perspective aren’t as big as we imagine them to be. That’s because God is bigger than any problem you can imagine. God doesn’t fit in any box, but there’s always a box big enough for your concern.

Photo from: https://pxhere.com/en/photo/597668

Filed Under: Core Longings, Healing, Self-Care, Spiritual Formation Tagged With: change, Forgiveness, justice, suffering

Character, Confidence, and Commitment

June 7, 2020 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

Taking a look at how you spend your time will reveal your commitments. But there is even more you can find if you look deeper. You can consider how you feel about what you find, which can vary widely from pride to fear.

Even more interesting than your feelings is simply, why? Why are you focused on certain things over others? Your commitment reveals your values but your values reveal your deepest longings, the motivations of your heart.

For your heart will always pursue what you value as your treasure.

Matthew 6:21 TPT

You’ve probably heard the saying, “if you don’t know where you are going, any road will take you there.” If you’re not aware of your heart motives, you likely frequently feel lost and confused. Some of life is certainly about making discoveries about who you are. But the more you know who you are, the more responsibility you have to act on your findings.

Be Before Do

God is working to bring you to completion. He created you and He’s working to consummate His work. To do this, He builds your character, which builds your confidence. Understanding who you are is a prerequisite to accomplishing His pure plan for your life.

God is the one who began this good work in you, and I am certain that he won’t stop before it is complete on the day that Christ Jesus returns.

Philippians 1:6 CEV

The more you know who you are, the more you can make a true commitment to accomplishing a great work for God.

Commitment drives spiritual progress. When you are locked onto a target and committed to seeing it through to the end, that’s when you maximize your potential. Maximum potential leads to maximum results (eventually). Whatever you commit yourself to is the exact area in which you will increase, grow, and achieve.

Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant.

Galatians 6:7 NLT

God sending Jesus in human form to sacrifice Himself for our benefit is the ultimate expression of commitment. God proved He is willing to play by the same rules He’s given us. He didn’t take a “short-cut” path to victory. He proved He can walk the talk. He’s better than any of us and therefore makes the perfect example.

What things in life matter most to you? What are you truly committed to? If you don’t like what you discover, if you aren’t committed to the right things, then as you gain a greater understanding of who you are, rededicate your efforts to what matters most.

How are you feeling right now? The purpose of my message isn’t to stir up feelings of inadequacy because you aren’t doing enough for God. I want you to see the power of commitment. I want you to see the strength and peace that comes when you stay focused on the truth. You are important to God.

The scenic route isn’t often the easiest route, but it is the most beautiful and it will be the one that will get you to where God wants you to be.

Ask God to build your character, then your confidence, and then be prepared to make a commitment to advancing God’s plans.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

Filed Under: God's Kingdom, Core Longings Tagged With: attitude, heart

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