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Healing

Pain Is Your Guide - Finding Jesus In The Ache

Pain Is Your Guide – Finding Jesus In The Ache

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Reading time: 4 minutes

Too much pain starts to break down a person’s spirit. There goes the ability to manage life with your sanity intact. However, too little pain is also a serious problem in a world where brokenness is always there in one form or another. God uses suffering to create a hunger for spiritual nourishment.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Matthew 5:3 ESV

You might see another person receiving significant attention and adoration from others. Or someone else is promoted ahead of you. Or maybe your friend is pregnant for the second time while you’ve been trying for years. God seems to be moving in their lives—but in yours, He feels strangely silent.

That’s painful. Let it register as such.

It’s easy to become immobilized by doubt when others seem to bask in God’s favor while you feel overlooked, even invisible to Him. You wonder what you’ve done wrong, or if you’re simply not seen.

But to become unstuck, to start healing, you must first lean into that pain. Fully. Let the heaviness of your heart have its say. Let it whisper truths about your spirit that you’ve been avoiding. If you’re numb to your emotions, you’ll miss the subtle work God may already be doing.

Pain: The Sacred Signal of Hunger

So—how in touch are you with your hunger? What does your soul long for? Is it intimacy, healing, purpose, peace, or kingdom-centered work? All of the above, right? Often, these desires are buried beneath the distractions of life. We silence the ache to keep moving, to keep functioning. Yet that ache is a signal. A holy one.

It’s like The Matrix. You may think you’re awake, but in truth, you’re sleepwalking through spiritual hunger. The real condition of your soul might remain hidden until you’re willing to confront your thirst for something more.

This ache points us to something deeper—something only Jesus can satisfy.

But whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.

John 4:14 ESV

Hunger is terrifying. I know, because I used to try to hide mine all the time. When I’m not doing well, it is easy grasp for anything to distract from the ache inside. But eventually, pain has a way of resurfacing. And every time, I’m shocked by how real it still is.

But now I’ve learned to pay attention to it.

Because pain has a voice.

It speaks from a deep place within. With help from God’s Spirit, it shouts out the truths you need to hear, the ones no one else can tell you. Identifying your suffering doesn’t cause it to fade immediately, but it provides clarity. It offers freedom from ambiguity and self-deception. You begin to see your pain not as a curse, but as a guide to life and health.

The book Hind’s Feet on High Places portrays this so beautifully. In it, Much-Afraid walks a harrowing path filled with discomfort and confusion. And just when it seems unbearable, God calls her deeper into suffering—into surrender. Her journey, though painful, is what shapes her into someone radiant with purpose.

God has a purpose for your pain, too. And we must also remember: God might be using pain in others’ lives, too.

Pain: Don’t Steal it From Others

As a counselor, I’ve learned over the years that people need space to express their pain. People want solutions that stop the pain, but the only way to stop it is to go through it. The real healing often begins when I resist the urge to skip over the hurt and instead gently encourage people to stay connected to their ache.

Leaning into the pain keeps the heart open. It’s in that sacred connection—between person and pain—that Jesus draws near. And when He meets someone in their brokenness, the relief He gives is more spiritually profound than any earthly distraction.

So—how are you doing with connecting to your pain? Have you allowed yourself to feel it fully? And who are you inviting into that sacred space with you? Jesus isn’t afraid of your pain. He meets you in it—with mercy, not judgment.

Learn more about Jesus’s care during suffering.
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Last Updated June 22, 2025

Living with Eternal Purpose

Living With Eternal Purpose: No Guts No Glory

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Do you ever feel like just being yourself is too risky? The cost of authenticity might be rejection, but the rewards lead to a life full of purpose. When you embrace who God created you to be, challenges will come—but so will deep joy and meaning. When we live in alignment with God’s design, we experience a glimpse of heaven—a foretaste of the eternal—shaping our journey with divine purpose.

Yet, too often fear holds us back. We hesitate to be vulnerable, to speak honestly, to pursue what truly matters. Why? Because rejection and failure seem unbearable. But what if we could shift our focus, seeing beyond temporary discomfort to the eternal reality that awaits us? Living with this perspective changes everything.

In another post, I wrote about the benefits of imagining what heaven will be like. I asked, “How would seeing the most optimistic vision impact how you live today?” One person’s response perfectly captures the shift from despair to hope that I aimed for. He gave me permission to share his answer:

I enjoyed the post you wrote on Heaven. Thanks for posing the question. It gave me a chance to think about what the rest of my life could look like and how it could begin to move in that direction even now. Knowing what heaven is like and who I am as God’s finished product would change how I live the rest of my days on earth.

During a recent checkup, my doctor said, “You look pretty good for someone who almost died a year ago.” Coming face-to-face with death has me thinking more about how I want to be remembered.

If I knew what God plans for me in heaven, I could risk being that person more on earth, no matter what others thought of me, because I would know it pleased God. I should be doing that anyway, but I struggle to be the best version of me. I want to:

  • be more unselfish, putting others’ needs before my own.
  • be more transparent about my feelings and not be concerned about how that would look to others.
  • speak what is in my heart; I wouldn’t be unkind, but I would be free to disagree with others and risk being rejected and isolated from others.
  • be more vulnerable to love others and help them, no matter what it costs me emotionally or materially.
  • be more humble, living out my purpose of bringing glory to God and doing things that have eternal value, not just what has meaning for my time on earth.

Acting in this way would bring more meaning to my remaining time here, leave an eternal mark, and make something in my life worth remembering to those I leave behind.

Imagining heaven’s best helps me trust God more (I can see why He led me through what He did) and value what He values. I want to see with a better perspective what is important in this life, and what matters so little because it won’t be coming with me into heaven.

This perspective has the power to transform how we live. What if, instead of fearing failure or rejection, we boldly stepped into the identity God designed for us?

How to Step Boldly into Purpose—Without Regrets

It’s easy to get stuck in hesitation, waiting for the “right time” to start living boldly. But if you knew heaven was ahead, what would you risk today to embrace the person God designed you to be?

  • Maybe you need counseling to heal from past wounds that keep you from fully stepping into your purpose.
  • Maybe it’s time to invest in a book that guides you toward deeper faith and self-awareness.
  • Maybe you need to start small, choosing one area of your life to surrender fear and embrace authenticity.

The challenge is real, the risk feels great—but the reward is eternal.

How about you? What will your life look like if you live with no regrets? No guts, no glory. When you risk being who God made you to be, God is glorified.

And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering.

Romans 8:17 NLT

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Last Updated 20250420

9 Experiences That Drain Hope

9 Experiences That Drain Hope

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Are you feeling drained of all hope? Whether it’s a dramatic upheaval or subtle, persistent struggles, the effects can be deeply discouraging. Some traumas are obvious because they are intense–these are called “Big T” traumas. Other traumas are subtle because they are weak but repetitive–these are called “Little T” traumas. Both kinds can produce lasting disabilities, even though they manifest differently.

#1 The Pain of Losing a Parent or Child

Losing a parent or child is one of life’s most challenging moments. When the loss is premature, whether through miscarriage or death of a young child, it can feel particularly tragic. The dreams, hopes, and plans once anchored around loved ones vanish, leaving an indescribable void. Such disorientation can lead to profound questions, like whether life is still worth living. It is heartbreaking to invest so much emotionally in others, only to find them suddenly and completely absent.

#2 The Scars of Betrayal

Betrayal cuts deep across personal and professional realms. Whether it’s a partner who breaks trust, a friend who abandons you, or a coworker who exploits vulnerabilities, the impact lingers. Betrayal creates emotional scars, shaking confidence and leaving individuals hesitant to trust others again. Repeated betrayals magnify trauma and can drain the hope of finding reliable connections.

The worst kind of betrayal results in shock from the sudden exposure of a completely different reality, such as finding out your spouse is cheating on you. However, betrayal can also happen on a micro scale, like when your spouse uses your vulnerabilities against you in an argument. Sometimes, betrayal stems not from active harm but from the absence of good, such as friends abandoning you without any explanation.

#3 Struggles with Financial Hardship

Navigating financial hardship can be exhausting. Searching tirelessly for employment amidst constant rejections or losing a job despite loyalty and hard work can erode self-esteem. Financial insecurity often causes stress and anxiety, affecting relationships and mental health. The seemingly endless cycle of hope and despair can feel suffocating, draining one’s ability to envision a brighter future.

#4 The Impact of Bullying and Isolation

Bullying and isolation leave individuals feeling misunderstood and undervalued. In school, children may face ridicule for their uniqueness–be it external like body image or clothing, or internal, like processing thoughts or emotions differently than others (now popularly referred to as neurodivergence). For example, a child with ADHD may process thoughts differently, which can make them a target for misunderstanding and exclusion.

In toxic workplaces, adults may encounter criticism or be ignored altogether. The persistent feeling of invisibility and lack of appreciation can drain hope, making it hard to believe that a better environment is possible.

#5 Challenges of Abusive or Neglectful Parents

Parents play a pivotal role in shaping a child’s outlook. Abusive or neglectful parents often blur healthy boundaries, leaving children to fend for themselves emotionally or physically. Abuse can involve excess control, while neglect stems from a failure to provide what is needed to thrive. Some parents are preoccupied with other activities or simply incompetent.

Parentification, where children take on parental roles, robs them of innocence and creates enduring struggles with self-worth and relationships. For example, a nine-year-old shouldn’t be cooking dinner for the family every night. Nor should she be responsible for managing her parents’ emotions.

#6 Struggles with Health Issues

Facing chronic illness or surviving near-death experiences can shatter one’s sense of stability and control. Health issues can make daily life feel like a battle, draining energy and hope for recovery. The psychological toll of adjusting to a “new normal” can feel like an uphill climb, with each step weighed down by doubt and exhaustion.

#7 The Pain of Divorce

Divorce signifies the breakdown of a once-promised lifelong bond. Feelings of rejection and failure intensify when the separation is complicated by sabotage or unfair claims. Divorce can leave emotional scars that affect trust, self-worth, and the hope of finding enduring love.

#8 Trauma from Violent Crime

The aftermath of violent crime, such as rape, assault, or vandalism, often includes emotional trauma that is hard to reconcile. Victims may feel a loss of safety and confidence. The violation of one’s dignity and security can lead to despair and fear that recovery is unattainable.

#9 Devastation from Natural Disasters

Natural disasters strike unexpectedly, disrupting homes and lives. Tornados, hurricanes, mold outbreaks, and infestations can leave families struggling to rebuild their sense of safety. The emotional strain of starting over after such devastation can make hope feel distant, especially when faced with recurring challenges.

Experiences that drain hope are often tied to trauma, but recognizing these moments is the first step toward healing. Feeling drained is likely a normal response given the intensity of your experiences. While trauma may cast shadows over joy and stability, understanding its roots allows for growth and recovery. God’s care and encouragement, even amidst life’s trials, can nurture the flame of hope, guiding individuals to reclaim their lives.

If you need help managing these draining experiences, Matt is available to provide support while illuminating the path to recovery. Here is another post about biblical hope.

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Forgiveness Opens The Heart To Miraculous Healing

Forgiveness Opens The Heart To Miraculous Healing

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What do you need most in your life right now? Do you have a greater need to forgive or to be forgiven?

When I recently considered the question, it surprised me. Is my suffering greater than the suffering I’ve caused? I like the question because it made me think. It’s a good question for self-examination.

However you answer the question, confession and repentance are necessary. The person who needs to be forgiven must release the debt so God can pay it. The person who needs to forgive must release the debt held against another. But this also requires God’s forgiveness for holding onto unforgiveness.

Jesus’s words about forgiveness cover this all too well.

If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Matthew 6:14-15 NLT

Forgiveness opens the heart to allow restorative healing.

What Does it Mean to Forgive?

Forgiveness is both simple and complicated. It’s both easy and hard. Forgiveness starts with opening your mouth and saying the words, “I forgive” or even “I want to forgive, help me forgive.”

For some people, that might seem like the hard part, but it’s really the easy part. It only takes a few seconds, and it’s done. It doesn’t cost much. And there’s quite a lot to gain. Eventually, the release brings peace of mind.

Forgiveness often feels counterintuitive—how could relinquishing our rights ever be in our best interest? It’s what makes it so hard to begin with. Forgiveness can feel like you are giving up all hope for any kind of return to normal, how everything was before the offense. In one sense, it’s true. To say “I forgive”, and mean it, is to walk away empty-handed.

But forgiveness done right is an appeal to a higher authority. It is a no-brainer kind of trade. I give up my rights in return for healing by God’s touch.

Everything we have comes from God anyway. So, can we say we ever had anything? In one sense, yes, but in another, no. Whatever we have, we lack the power to command it.

Job understood how to release and leave his heart open to God’s touch:

Job stood up and tore his robe in grief. Then he shaved his head and fell to the ground to worship. He said,
“I came naked from my mother’s womb,
    and I will be naked when I leave.
The Lord gave me what I had,
    and the Lord has taken it away.
Praise the name of the Lord!”
In all of this, Job did not sin by blaming God.

Job 1:20-22 NLT

Just as Job released his grief and trusted in God’s sovereignty, Jesus demonstrated the ultimate act of forgiveness, teaching us how surrender can lead to redemption.

Even as Jesus hung on the cross, His act of forgiveness brought immediate suffering, followed by death—a profound demonstration of the cost and courage forgiveness requires. When sorrow or fear sets in after saying ‘I forgive them,’ know that it’s a natural part of the healing journey. It is a real loss. You are saying goodbye. You are letting go of something that you can never have again. What is done is done.

Though forgiveness begins in pain and loss, its ultimate reward is renewal—a gift from God that replaces despair with hope. After you hit bottom, God provides a way out of the empty despair. In God’s hands, hope is resurrected through the new blessings He provides, carrying us toward a renewed purpose. What does God’s hope look like in your life today? What God makes new won’t be the same as what you lost, but it will be an opportunity to continue living for God. Jesus rested for three days, and then God resurrected Him. God wants to resurrect you, too.

What claims do you have on others that you need to release? Maybe the claim is against yourself. Perhaps the person you need to forgive most is yourself. You need forgiveness as much as everyone else. Don’t close your heart to God’s healing touch. Release and be resurrected.

Learn more about forgiveness.
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Last updated 20250330

Find and Accept Your Authentic Self

Find And Accept Your Authentic Self

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If you’re unable to accept yourself, you’re likely missing out on joy. To maximize joy you must appreciate both God and yourself. How can a person worship God but hate himself? How can a person like herself but hate God? The two must go together to maximize enjoyment of life.

How to Reject Your Authentic Self

God created you as you are for a specific reason. Life’s bumps and bruises can deceive you into believing you are someone more or less than you are. If you are not gifted athletically (or some other enviable ability) but compare yourself to those who are, you’ll always come up short and feel less than.

Have you ever tried something and felt inadequate? Or maybe someone told you that you didn’t measure up? If you can walk away understanding, “this isn’t for me,” then you have a healthy perspective. If you conclude that you are defective, you are making it personal, which isn’t helpful.

Are you measuring yourself with the right ruler? God measures you by His original design. Everything else will give you a faulty or inaccurate measurement. But more than that, you’ll feel miserable because there is no way for you to win.

Proverbs 11:1 declares that God detests deception in dealings with others. How can you deal honestly with others if you don’t first deal honestly with your value?

The Lord detests the use of dishonest scales, but he delights in accurate weights.

Proverbs 11:1 NLT

Are you weighing your value with honest scales? Romans 12:3 communicates the same idea.

For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.

Romans 12:3 ESV

It’s possible to think you accept yourself when you don’t. It’s possible to live with the heavy burden of trying to be who you think God wants you to be. But that can be different than who God knows you to be.

Are you living with an uncomfortable tension of always pushing yourself to reach some ever-elusive goal? If so, you’re never going to reach self-acceptance. You can’t perform your way to acceptance.

How to Discover Your Authentic Self

God’s acceptance is free for His children. Even though we don’t have to work for our value, we must learn our value by who God made us to be.

Below are 7 questions to help you assess how well you know yourself and how consistently you present yourself. Answer the first 3 questions to determine your self-image (how you see and value yourself), the second 3 questions to define how you feel obligated to act to fulfill life’s demands (how others see and value you), and the seventh question to consider God’s perspective (how He sees and values you).

  1. The thing I like most about myself is…
  2. I’m at my best when I contribute…
  3. I feel most connected to God when I…
  4. Others appreciate me for…
  5. My job requires me to…
  6. I feel like a fish out of water when I…

The final seventh question is this: Describe yourself as God sees you through His loving, creative eyes. Be specific. Generate your answer from your heart. Provide a detailed answer related to how uniquely God created you. Now, compare your answers between all the questions. How consistent (or inconsistent) are you?

How to Accept Your Authentic Self

Imagine what it would be like if your self-image, your presented-image, and God’s-image all described the same person. You would act the same way across all different areas of your life, according to God’s design for you. That’s self-acceptance.

Is self-acceptance clear to you? Are you amazed by God’s goodness that He created you to enjoy Him and enjoy who He made you to be? If not, what seems to be holding you back from the joy of authenticity?

Learn more about worship and joy.
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Last updated 2025/03/02

God Will Deliver You From Failure

God Will Deliver You From Failure

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Failure would be a death sentence if it were not for God’s mercy. Many people struggle with believing that their failure leaves a fatal mark that limits their potential. If you think you’ve failed, you might believe something like:

  • I’ll always mess up God’s plans.
  • There’s no hope for me now.
  • I’ll wear this scar for the rest of my life.
  • That was my last chance.
  • God will never forgive me.
  • My best will never be good enough.
  • God is going to send me to hell.
  • I’ll never recover from this.
  • There’s no use trying again.

For Christians to believe any of these statements, they must be deceived. Every one of them has something false about it. What Jesus has done for believers removes the permanence of these statements and breathes hope into the hopeless, life into the lifeless.

Failure From the World’s Perspective

A worldly definition of failure distorts God by emphasizing two extreme responses. People are forever condemned or always excused without consequence. These miss God’s heart because they throw out His mercy or justice.

Without God’s mercy, we would all be perpetually caught in shame. The unbearable feelings of self-condemnation and self-loathing weigh heavily without any way of escape. People attempt to cope by utilizing perfectionism or apathy to avoid the feelings of falling short.

Without God’s justice, we can become lulled into a false sense of security. The prideful presumption that there will never be a reckoning for our attitudes and choices might soothe the conscience today but does nothing to prevent the condemnation tomorrow. People attempt to cope by utilizing relativism to discount the seriousness of God’s absolute standards.

    Sin is probably the best definition of failure. It completely misses what God wants for us. Without God, we are defective because of sin. However, God, because of His love, has stripped sin of its power and permanent consequences. So it does not have a significant lasting effect for believers.

    Failure From God’s Perspective

    Let’s reconsider the definition of failure, but include God this time. A worst-case definition of failure considers it to be a temporary setback. That’s because God works for our ultimate good. We are on the same side.

    Failure implies finality. But because God is an eternal being, endings do not exist for Him. Any moment in time is not the final word on your situation.

    Failure implies hopelessness. But God is an endless supply of hope. Nothing can defeat God. Nothing can defeat God’s plans. Nothing can defeat God’s people.

    Failure implies permanent loss. But God restores and heals, often while we are yet in this life. That’s possible because knowing Him means knowing boundless hope.

    Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

    Lamentations 3:21-23

    We can always learn from our experiences, even if they seem like abysmal failures. God is ready to give us another chance. We can start again in a stronger position.

    I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.

    Psalm 34:4-7 NIV

    So you can see that you will have trouble, but God will deliver you. He will deliver you from evil. He looks beyond failure to your eternal potential in Jesus Christ. For other verses that support God’s grace and hope, see Isaiah 40:31, Romans 5:5, Psalm 33:18, and Jeremiah 29:11.

    May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

    Romans 15:13 NIV

    Learn more about Shame.
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    Last updated 2025/02/02