Christian Concepts

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Self-Care

The Importance of Self-Care

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How do you know when you are lacking in self-care? When you are in a state of Dis-Ease. How can you move from disease to ease?

Consequences of Poor Self-Care

A major effect of poor self-care is losing awareness of what you are feeling, usually before it is too late. When you are tired, hungry, overly stressed out, or in bad physical shape, you may be more emotionally reactive. For example, think about a time when you were feeling overwhelmed with your circumstances. Was harder for you to manage your emotions? Did you snap at people who did not deserve it? Did you start crying for no apparent reason? Were you overly anxious and not sure why?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, then you likely were so disconnected from your feelings, that you reacted more strongly to a situation that warranted. This results in feeling confused by your display of emotion. Having poor self-care habits will interfere with responding to a situation in an appropriate manner.

The following is a partial list of symptoms to help you identify if you need better self-care:

  • Diminished concentration
  • Confusion
  • Questioning the meaning of life
  • Questioning prior convictions
  • Apathy
  • Rigidity
  • Self-doubt
  • Memory problems
  • Powerlessness – helplessness
  • Shutting down – numbness
  • Hypersensitivity
  • Sleep disturbances
  • Appetite changes
  • Negative coping (alcohol, drug, or other substance misuses)
  • Increased conflict
  • Difficulty breathing
  • Twitches
  • Chest pain
  • Headaches

Greater Awareness – The First Step to Better Self-Care

What is the opposite of self-care? Self-injury. We can harm ourselves by either staying in harm’s way (enduring abuse) or staying away from loving care (enduring neglect). Sometimes we don’t have a choice. We must complete a task – or – we are too young or weak to escape. How do we survive when faced with ongoing harm? If we must walk through harm’s way long enough, we will desensitize ourselves. We will ignore or forget about the pain and symptoms.

As adults, we usually have a choice. Why do so many forgo self-care? It is simply a matter of priorities. We can say we are committed to our ideals, but our true priorities are revealed by what we do. There is a tradeoff between speed and efficiency, accomplishment, and longevity. We can accomplish a lot more (in the moment) when we are disconnected from our feelings. But, long-term our bodies will deteriorate and chances are, we will die sooner.

Better self-care starts with a better awareness of our bodies. We’ve all been to the doctor for a check-up. When was the last time you did a self check-in? A check-in is simply sitting quietly to sense what is happening in your body and reconnect what has become disconnected. Ask yourself the following. What am I feeling in my body? Where am I feeling it? Why might I be feeling it this way? Consider these three areas:

  • Sleep: do I feel exhausted or rested and refreshed?
  • Food: do I feel weak and lethargic or strong and energetic?
  • Maintenance: am I in pain and carrying tension (disease) or am I relaxed and at ease?

Many people think of self-care as a luxury when God intended us to always care for ourselves. Chronic denial of self-care is an indication of a deeper issue. At New Reflections Counseling, we provide a safe place for you to “tune-in” and understand what is happening. If you want help with self-care, contact us at New Reflections Counseling. If it is okay to go to the gym or doctor for physical health, then it is okay to go to a counselor for your emotional health.

Reflections

On an airplane, an oxygen mask descends in front of you. What do you do? As we all know, the first rule is to put on your own oxygen mask before you assist anyone else. Only when we first help ourselves can we effectively help others. Caring for yourself is one of the most important—and one of the most often forgotten—things you can do as a caregiver. When your needs are taken care of, the person you care for will benefit, too.

What is your oxygen mask? What will help you breathe easier? What actions do you need to take for better health?

Resources

Luke 10:27
And he answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.”

Read the entire passage on Bible Gateway

The Best Way To Receive Love

The Best Way To Receive Love

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Love is a two-way street. Both the person offering love and the person receiving love must be willing participants.

What happens if you pour water into a cup with holes and take a drink? You’ll probably end up with more water on the outside of your body than on the inside. If your goal is to cool off, a cup with holes is okay. But if you’re thirsty, such a cup doesn’t work well.

Having a negative self-worth is like having holes in your cup. God can pour all of His love into you, but if you ignore, reject, or lack the ability to hold onto it, you won’t feel love for very long.

Everybody has holes in their cup. That’s a consequence of living in a fallen world. Even with the holes, there is hope.

Jesus said we shouldn’t put new wine into old wineskins. Why did He say this?

Now John’s disciples and the Pharisees were fasting. Some people came and asked Jesus, “How is it that John’s disciples and the disciples of the Pharisees are fasting, but yours are not?” Jesus answered, “How can the guests of the bridegroom fast while he is with them? They cannot, so long as they have him with them. But the time will come when the bridegroom will be taken from them, and on that day they will fast.

“No one sews a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment. Otherwise, the new piece will pull away from the old, making the tear worse. And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. Otherwise, the wine will burst the skins, and both the wine and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins.”

Mark 2:18-22 NIV

Jesus is teaching about compatibility. Sometimes old ways of living are not compatible with new ways. The new wine needs to breathe, so it needs a wineskin that can expand. Old wineskins are less flexible than new ones. Your old way of living, your flesh, is not compatible with your new way of living in the Spirit.

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.

Galatians 5:16-17 ESV

The old ways lead to death, but the new ways lead to life.

Receive Love With A New Heart

God gives a new heart to all believers.

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

Ezekiel 36:26 NIV

A heart of stone cannot receive God’s love. There’s no way to grow spiritually if you cannot receive His love. So God gives you a new heart that can receive His Spirit. With your new heart, you can enjoy spiritual growth.

Receive Love By Finding Leaks

Your new heart is all you need, but your old heart lives on in this life. If you can understand how your old heart is broken, you can minimize your losses.

The Spirit and flesh are at odds with each other. The lies you believe about yourself drain your self-worth. There’s a battle going on inside of you. Do you trust your old heart or your new heart?

The fleshly heart bears a wound. Nothing much can be done about it. The flesh wants to resist and complain. Everyone who feels miserable and hopeless is going to oppose God.

Fortunately for those of us with new hearts, we can choose to focus on the Spirit. We can experience peace and hope. Shift your focus today to your new heart. It’s as real as your old heart. It’s going to last forever while your flesh is already dying and actually already dead (Galatians 5:24). Hold open your new heart so you can catch God’s love. Allow this connection with God to be more important than the messages you receive from your old heart.

If you struggle with understanding how to do this, seek out a Christian counselor or other trusted person to help you.

Read more about God’s love for you.
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Worry Less Trust More

Worry Less Trust More

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Worry and anxiety are pretty much the same. Spiritually speaking, they both are rooted in fear which is essentially an inability to trust God no matter what.

Life brings many situations that challenge our ability to trust God. What can you do to worry less and trust more?

Worry Less By Focusing On The Present Moment

When you worry, you are looking too far ahead into the future. All of us would like to know the future. But it can interfere with your faith. If you could only have one or the other, God would always prefer you maintain your faith (your trust) in Him instead of knowing anything about the future.

How far into the future is too far to be looking? For some people or in some situations looking 100 years might be too far. But others can stir up anxiety even by looking 100 seconds. Where you focus is more important than how far ahead you look. If you try to find security somewhere out into the future, you will never find it because you will miss that God is with you in the present.

If you want to worry less, then reduce how far you are looking ahead until you reclaim a sense of peace. Jesus tells us not to worry about tomorrow (the future). Each day (the present) has enough to occupy you. If even the events of later in the day concern you, focus on the present moment. At this very second, there’s not a whole lot to be concerned about. Take one day (one moment, one second) at a time.

Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:27,34 NIV

If you find yourself saying, “yes, but…” about something that’s going to be happening or needs to happen, then you’ve already shifted your focus away from the present and onto a future moment. If you want to experience peace instead of stress, stop and recenter yourself back to the present.

Worry Less By Surrendering All Outcomes to God

You might be having an awesome day and find it easy to trust God. You might be having a horrible day, month, or year but God would have you trust Him the same. Nothing should come between you and God. Bad luck? Nope. Evil? Nope. Disease? Nope. Your health? Nope. Your very life? Nope. See Romans 8:31-39 for more on this.

It’s easy to value your life more than God. If you suffer a serious illness, your very existence is threatened. Or is it? It really depends upon your perspective. As a believer, you’re going to live forever. Do you allow God to determine how long you will live in this life? Or are you wringing your hands trying to figure out how to squeeze another hour out of it?

It’s easy to care about what happens in this life because it’s all we know. Or is it? As a believer, you have the Holy Spirit. So you have a taste of heaven today. Right now you can sense the goodness of heavenly living.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7 NIV

Do what is reasonable for each day to move your life forward. Leave the rest up to God (by praying and letting it go). If you find yourself panicking because of one thing or another, stop trying to be God: reduce what is on your plate. You weren’t meant to save the world. God sent Jesus for that!

Read more about trusting God.
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How To Ensure Your Empathy Is Healthy

How To Ensure Your Empathy Is Healthy

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Have you ever taken on someone’s pain as if it were your own? How about feeling the same way someone else is feeling? Only one of those is healthy empathy.

The primary difference between healthy and unhealthy empathy depends on how much self-awareness you have.

While listening to someone, the more you lose touch with your opinions, desires, and needs, the more likely you have an undeveloped sense of self. Some people might object by pointing out that good, empathetic listening means the listener forgets about their perspective. That is true. But it must remain a choice to de-emphasis one’s desires in favor of another’s. The unhealthy alternative is to default to what another wants because you have no idea what you want, or worse, you avoid exploring what you want.

The choice to focus on another must be positive. If you focus on another but harbor resentment or build up irritation, your empathy probably isn’t healthy. If you feel empty inside and have never really taken the time to understand your needs, your empathy probably isn’t healthy.

If you focus on another, feel pain, and think it is their pain, you might be deceiving yourself. Without a developed sense of your identity, it’s easy to become confused about whose pain you are feeling. In reality, any pain you feel is your own.

Identity Guides You To Healthy Empathy

Whenever you are relating to another, keep one foot planted firmly in who you are and the other reaching out to the person who needs help. It can be difficult to do this perfectly, so you might temporarily (for a few minutes) lose touch with your identity. When you become confused by taking on other’s pain as if it were yours, ask yourself questions like:

  • Who am I?
  • How do I feel about what the other person is going through?
  • What part of my life reminds me of the other person’s pain? Often, you can be focused on another person’s pain, but are really feeling pain from your own life.
  • How have the difficult life situations I’ve been through taught me to surrender (or perhaps “forget”) who I am when I’m around other people?
  • What are my limits when it comes to experiencing someone else’s raw pain?

If you lose yourself while focusing on someone else, then you are already past your limit. When you reach your limit, you should excuse yourself from the conversation until you regain your strength (your sense of self).

When you take on another’s pain, it probably means you are needing self-care or someone to care for you. If you continue to help another person without a sense of who you are, you are leaving yourself in a state of self-abuse, and you won’t be much help to someone like that. It doesn’t work to abandon yourself in order to help someone else.

Ownership and Responsibility Guide You To Healthy Empathy

Women are usually better at empathizing with others, but healthy is healthy. Everyone needs to be fully willing to feel and respond to their own pain.

Consider a wife who is listening to her husband. No matter how much she cares and wants to help him with his pain, she can’t work through his pain for him. It’s his pain. Only he can do something about it. She can help by listening, but his pain is still his responsibility. In this sense, the pain only multiplies. If her husband chooses to deny or disown some of his pain, his wife can’t make the situation better by taking on more pain. The increased pain she might feel doesn’t directly reduce her husband’s pain.

Self-Care Guides You To Healthy Empathy

If after you’ve been listening to someone, you notice that you have lingering pain, realize it’s your pain, not the other’s pain. You have some issues to work through, so it’s time to focus exclusively on yourself. If you lose touch with yourself while trying to be empathetic, you should be able to get back to yourself in minutes, not days or weeks.

To help you connect with yourself, you might try journaling your feelings and answering questions like the ones listed earlier and these:

  • What do I need to help the pain in my life?
  • Who do I have to listen to me?

Healthy empathy is knowing what it feels like to walk in someone’s shoes and communicating it to them without judging them. Unhealthy empathy would be wearing someone else’s shoes and thinking that they are your shoes.

Read more about healthy communication.
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The Secret to Finding Rest Amidst Tragedy

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Does it make sense to pursue rest when you are flooded with the trauma of betrayal? Experiencing the disloyalty of another person is painful and disorienting, maybe more than any other life event. Is rest even possible given the chaotic disruption to your sense of peaceful well-being?

Have you ever seen a dog chase its tail? So much energy is spent pursuing a goal that remains unattainable. It’s fun to watch unless you’re the one going in circles.

What is the worst traumatic experience you’ve been through? If you can’t think of anything, you are either very lucky or very disconnected from reality. How easy or hard was it for you to rest in the days and weeks after the trauma occurred?

Or maybe you are in the middle of trying to recover from a horrifying event. It has left you locked into an unending sense of discouragement, distress, or despair. Your thoughts speed around a racetrack, circling ever faster but generating only mental exhaustion.

After being traumatized, it is normal to become disillusioned and want to know why life can be so confusing and difficult. Why did that bad thing happen? Why did you make an unhealthy choice? Why does there seem to be no way forward?

Trust to Find Rest

These questions are all signs of life. You are seeking some deeper answer, meaning, or connection with God. There is good news: answers exist that bring hope instead of despair. But the answers usually come in the context of a growing trust in God, rather than an immediate blessing of good fortune and circumstances.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV

Don’t try to solve problems that are “beyond your pay grade.” Trusting in God brings instant relief (Isaiah 26:3). Try it. Think of something you are anxious about. Now tell God you trust Him. Even if you have to imagine you are trusting Him, it helps. The burden shifts off your shoulders and onto God’s.

I’m not saying your relief will be complete, instantaneous, and permanent. You can experience an overall peace while simultaneously agonizing and grieving.

When God asks you to trust Him, He means at all times–whether your circumstances are pleasant or heart-breaking. You can experience betrayal and still look to God for security.

God wants us to:

  • believe He is good while experiencing pain
  • live in the reality of heaven even while experiencing a cursed earth

How you experience life depends on how you prioritize your perspective. Are you focused on your pain or on your God? Are you caught in a loop of trying to escape something you cannot change? Are you caught believing a temporary circumstance is permanent? If so, I have a prayer for you.

Pray to Find Rest

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardship as a pathway to peace; taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will; so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.

Reinhold Niebuhr

This prayer is profound. It shares a lot in common with Proverbs 3. Most people stop with the first sentence. But the second sentence contains the secret to finding rest: acceptance and trust. What are some ways you can adjust your expectations of life, creating some space for you to rest in God’s understanding?

Be patient with yourself as you work through betrayal and learn to trust. You can’t heal in isolation. You need to know someone is hearing your pain.

Read about living free of worry.
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Are You Trying to Solve a Problem You Don’t Need to Solve?

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If you’re afraid, do you know what you’re really afraid of?

What is normal can go unnoticed. Thoughts on autopilot can go unaware. You’ve invested in understanding the confusion and sadness you’re going through, but you might not even realize yet that it isn’t helping.

You’ve dedicated your brain’s full computing power. But, hmmm. What if all your efforts are unnecessary? What if there is a simpler solution?

Life doesn't have to make sense for you to have peace. Your understanding of your life situation is probably missing important pieces. God has those missing pieces. Share on X

Proverbs 3:5 says to “lean not on your own understanding.” But Proverbs 3:13 says to “get understanding.” At first, this might seem like a contradiction. But God is not saying to avoid all understanding. He is saying your understanding is incomplete and you’ll gain His understanding as (or perhaps after) you walk in faith. The understanding often comes in hindsight.

Most people have heard of the serenity prayer. Even if you know it, read it anyway because you might need to apply it again in a new, fresh way.

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Reinhold Niebuhr

That’s the short version. It continues:

Living one day at a time,
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardship as a pathway to peace;
taking, as Jesus did,
this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it;
trusting that You will make all things right
if I surrender to Your will;
so that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen.

Reinhold Niebuhr

There is a lot of wisdom there. Now, back to the beginning. What are you afraid of? What do you most need when you are overwhelmed? Are you trying to solve the right problem?

Brokenness Is Beautiful

Brokenness Is Beautiful

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When you can see your brokenness, you see yourself as you really are. It’s a wonderful moment of freedom from pretense. Seeing brokenness is simply another way to perceive what you are lacking.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18 NIV

Since God is the ultimate source of all we lack, we should welcome becoming aware of our brokenness. Why is it often so terrifying then? Believe it or not, it’s possible to fear something good. We crave consistency. After we start depending on something or someone, we don’t want it to go away.

If we lack something good we can fear both:

  • that we’ll never receive what we need.
  • that what we receive will inevitably be taken away.

Both fears are realistic, yet, painful. Both are ultimately rooted in doubting God is who He says He is. God gives good things to those who believe and ask.

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

Hebrews 11:6; Matthew 7:11 NIV

Fear Makes Brokenness Ugly

So you can see how when fear is present, needs and desires can become completely overwhelming. If you’ve lived with deprivation for a long time, you know what I mean.

If your needs go unmet, you lose touch with what it’s like to have them met. Often this means living with an awareness that you don’t know what it is like to have them met. The longer this continues, the more difficult it is to trust it will ever be different. And, if it does happen, it will be doubly painful to lose it.

Anyone who experiences the trauma of abuse or neglect usually lives with a sense of deprivation. Abuse and neglect break trust which is essential if you want to risk the vulnerability required to have your needs met. Deprivation can be so painful that it is often more intense than the original trauma.

Coping Forever Prevents Healing

Depriving yourself for any length of time usually requires numbing your desires. If you can’t feel your hunger (emotional needs), it’s nearly impossible to over-eat (be self-centered). Unfortunately though, it is possible to under-eat (be deprived).

Cutting off your cravings for love and acceptance is a coping mechanism called dissociation. I believe dissociation to be a necessary coping to manage intense trauma. However, all coping is meant to be temporary until genuine healing and transformation are available and the person is ready.

How much a person relies on coping depends on at least two factors:

  • The intensity of the pain experienced from trauma.
  • The availability of a safe-enough relationship that promotes healing.

The intensity of the pain is mostly subjective. Some people can tolerate more pain than others. But the more the event is severe enough and prolonged enough, and if the person doesn’t have access to a caring person, the more extreme coping is needed.

One of the most intense efforts to cope with trauma is dissociation. When it becomes a mental health disorder it’s called dissociative-identity-disorder (DID).

For a person with DID, their self-awareness becomes divided into multiple parts in order to survive trauma. Therapy involves integrating the parts so that all parts receive needed healing. The end result is a person with a sense of being one integrated person (no longer needing “multiple parts”).

Another word for dissociated is broken. Everyone is broken. On this side of heaven, the opposite of being broken is being in denial. Meaning: if I can’t see my brokenness, I must be denying it.

Embrace your brokenness because it is what will drive you to God. He can help you become free from the trauma and deprivation you’ve been through.

Push Through Fear And Find Hope
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Forgiveness Opens The Heart To Miraculous Healing

Forgiveness Opens The Heart To Miraculous Healing

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What do you need most in your life right now? Do you have a greater need to forgive or to be forgiven?

When I recently considered the question, it surprised me. Is my suffering greater than the suffering I’ve caused? I like the question because it made me think. It’s a good question for self-examination.

However you answer the question, confession and repentance are necessary. The person who needs to be forgiven must release the debt so God can pay it. The person who needs to forgive must release the debt held against another. But this also requires God’s forgiveness for holding onto unforgiveness.

Jesus’s words about forgiveness cover this all too well.

If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Matthew 6:14-15 NLT

Forgiveness opens the heart to allow restorative healing.

What Does it Mean to Forgive?

Forgiveness is both simple and complicated. It’s both easy and hard. Forgiveness starts with opening your mouth and saying the words, “I forgive” or even “I want to forgive, help me forgive.”

For some people, that might seem like the hard part, but it’s really the easy part. It only takes a few seconds, and it’s done. It doesn’t cost much. And there’s quite a lot to gain. Eventually, the release brings peace of mind.

Forgiveness often feels counterintuitive—how could relinquishing our rights ever be in our best interest? It’s what makes it so hard to begin with. Forgiveness can feel like you are giving up all hope for any kind of return to normal, how everything was before the offense. In one sense, it’s true. To say “I forgive”, and mean it, is to walk away empty-handed.

But forgiveness done right is an appeal to a higher authority. It is a no-brainer kind of trade. I give up my rights in return for healing by God’s touch.

Everything we have comes from God anyway. So, can we say we ever had anything? In one sense, yes, but in another, no. Whatever we have, we lack the power to command it.

Job understood how to release and leave his heart open to God’s touch:

Job stood up and tore his robe in grief. Then he shaved his head and fell to the ground to worship. He said,
“I came naked from my mother’s womb,
    and I will be naked when I leave.
The Lord gave me what I had,
    and the Lord has taken it away.
Praise the name of the Lord!”
In all of this, Job did not sin by blaming God.

Job 1:20-22 NLT

Just as Job released his grief and trusted in God’s sovereignty, Jesus demonstrated the ultimate act of forgiveness, teaching us how surrender can lead to redemption.

Even as Jesus hung on the cross, His act of forgiveness brought immediate suffering, followed by death—a profound demonstration of the cost and courage forgiveness requires. When sorrow or fear sets in after saying ‘I forgive them,’ know that it’s a natural part of the healing journey. It is a real loss. You are saying goodbye. You are letting go of something that you can never have again. What is done is done.

Though forgiveness begins in pain and loss, its ultimate reward is renewal—a gift from God that replaces despair with hope. After you hit bottom, God provides a way out of the empty despair. In God’s hands, hope is resurrected through the new blessings He provides, carrying us toward a renewed purpose. What does God’s hope look like in your life today? What God makes new won’t be the same as what you lost, but it will be an opportunity to continue living for God. Jesus rested for three days, and then God resurrected Him. God wants to resurrect you, too.

What claims do you have on others that you need to release? Maybe the claim is against yourself. Perhaps the person you need to forgive most is yourself. You need forgiveness as much as everyone else. Don’t close your heart to God’s healing touch. Release and be resurrected.

Learn more about forgiveness.
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Last updated 20250330

Find and Accept Your Authentic Self

Find And Accept Your Authentic Self

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If you’re unable to accept yourself, you’re likely missing out on joy. To maximize joy you must appreciate both God and yourself. How can a person worship God but hate himself? How can a person like herself but hate God? The two must go together to maximize enjoyment of life.

How to Reject Your Authentic Self

God created you as you are for a specific reason. Life’s bumps and bruises can deceive you into believing you are someone more or less than you are. If you are not gifted athletically (or some other enviable ability) but compare yourself to those who are, you’ll always come up short and feel less than.

Have you ever tried something and felt inadequate? Or maybe someone told you that you didn’t measure up? If you can walk away understanding, “this isn’t for me,” then you have a healthy perspective. If you conclude that you are defective, you are making it personal, which isn’t helpful.

Are you measuring yourself with the right ruler? God measures you by His original design. Everything else will give you a faulty or inaccurate measurement. But more than that, you’ll feel miserable because there is no way for you to win.

Proverbs 11:1 declares that God detests deception in dealings with others. How can you deal honestly with others if you don’t first deal honestly with your value?

The Lord detests the use of dishonest scales, but he delights in accurate weights.

Proverbs 11:1 NLT

Are you weighing your value with honest scales? Romans 12:3 communicates the same idea.

For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.

Romans 12:3 ESV

It’s possible to think you accept yourself when you don’t. It’s possible to live with the heavy burden of trying to be who you think God wants you to be. But that can be different than who God knows you to be.

Are you living with an uncomfortable tension of always pushing yourself to reach some ever-elusive goal? If so, you’re never going to reach self-acceptance. You can’t perform your way to acceptance.

How to Discover Your Authentic Self

God’s acceptance is free for His children. Even though we don’t have to work for our value, we must learn our value by who God made us to be.

Below are 7 questions to help you assess how well you know yourself and how consistently you present yourself. Answer the first 3 questions to determine your self-image (how you see and value yourself), the second 3 questions to define how you feel obligated to act to fulfill life’s demands (how others see and value you), and the seventh question to consider God’s perspective (how He sees and values you).

  1. The thing I like most about myself is…
  2. I’m at my best when I contribute…
  3. I feel most connected to God when I…
  4. Others appreciate me for…
  5. My job requires me to…
  6. I feel like a fish out of water when I…

The final seventh question is this: Describe yourself as God sees you through His loving, creative eyes. Be specific. Generate your answer from your heart. Provide a detailed answer related to how uniquely God created you. Now, compare your answers between all the questions. How consistent (or inconsistent) are you?

How to Accept Your Authentic Self

Imagine what it would be like if your self-image, your presented-image, and God’s-image all described the same person. You would act the same way across all different areas of your life, according to God’s design for you. That’s self-acceptance.

Is self-acceptance clear to you? Are you amazed by God’s goodness that He created you to enjoy Him and enjoy who He made you to be? If not, what seems to be holding you back from the joy of authenticity?

Learn more about worship and joy.
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Last updated 2025/03/02

escape a chained reality

Find God’s Beautiful Reality

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How much of your life do you spend in reality? How much do you spend in a fantasy world whether that is of your making or another’s creative fiction?

Taking a break from reality is healthy up to a point. But what starts as innocent can become harmful. Taking a break can eventually become escaping reality. Then what if you reach the point where you begin to prefer to escape more than you like to be present? You could then become chained (addicted) to a false reality that you find difficult to escape.

Don’t Deny Reality

We are only aware of a fraction of who we are at any given time. Sometimes this denial of who we are is normal and healthy. But at other times, we become stuck denying important information.

If you’re in denial, you could be:

  1. Believing you are better than you are (you are pridefully protecting your ego).
  2. Believing you are worse than you are (you are making a negative experience more important than it is).

Try to become more aware right now. Think through the past couple of weeks. What has been the focus of your thoughts? Is there anything resting just below the surface? What are you half-aware of? What could be buried deep? What is nagging at you in the back of your mind, but you haven’t admitted or verbalized it?

Denying the truth is usually not good. But you must escape what you can’t fully handle in the moment. On the other hand, denying something false is usually good. God wants us to die to (deny) sin and be alive to Him.

So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.

Romans 6:11 ESV

Focus on God’s Reality

Is there such a place as heaven on earth? How hard should Christians be trying to manufacture a utopia?

We can make the effort to embrace the reality of God’s truth. But this includes the truth that this life, in its present form, is passing away (1 Corinthians 7:31). We can make our lives somewhat better, but we might lose everything if we focus more on present reality over future reality. What is coming next is far greater than what we have today. Jesus said if we focus on keeping our (present) life we might lose our (future) life, but if we focus away from our present life, we will keep our future life (Matthew 16:25).

For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account.

Philippians 1:21-24

The only true reality is the one God says is real. You might lean into other less-than-true realities when the pain is too much and you think you have no other options. But as soon as you’re ready, you should run toward God and His reality.

In what ways are you in denial? Consider how aware you are of your emotions and memories. Put together these determine the worldview you carry around in your heart. Are you avoiding these significant experience by being stuck in a rut of unchanging routine? Ask God for the strength to endure the harshness of reality, but also for the spiritual insight to behold the beauty of His reality.

God is merciful; He allows and even provides for a healthy escape. He provides moments that transcend the difficulties of life (see 1 Corinthians 10:13). When God provides the opportunity for you to enjoy life, be sure to take full advantage.

Learn more about identity and reality.
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Last updated 2024/11/24

Remember Your Past For A Healthy Present

Remember Your Past For A Healthy Present

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How does remembering your past help you today? Think of re-membering as bringing scattered parts of your life together. It’s like gathering the parts of a jigsaw puzzle and assembling them where they belong.

God wants you to see the whole picture of who you are. Have you ever worked on a puzzle only to get to the end and realize some pieces are missing? It’s frustrating because it feels so incomplete.

I’m fascinated by my past. I’m not thinking of historical facts. I mean my psychological and emotional journey. Memories are important because they are the key to setting a person free from being trapped in the past.

You can’t change what has happened to you but you can change its meaning. You decided how much a particular memory has the power to define who you are. They answer the question: How did I get to where I am today?

How you first experience something has long-lasting implications. Your journey is, in many ways, a series of first-time experiences. To put the pieces of your life together, you must revisit your first-time experiences to create follow-on experiences. Healing can be both strengthening the positive memories and weakening the negative ones.

Questions to Help You Remember

Your relationship with your childhood memories can tell you a lot about yourself. Here are some questions you can use to explore your emotional health:

  • How do you feel about your childhood?
  • Do you feel like you are still a child?
  • Do you feel like you are stuck in your childhood?
  • Do you feel extremely distant from childhood, almost like it was another lifetime?
  • Does childhood feel real to you or more like a fantasy?
  • Does childhood seem unimportant or highly relevant to you?
  • Do you remember a lot or a little?
  • How much was childhood the same or different every day?
  • What positive memories come to mind?
  • What negative memories come to mind?

Did you skim through these questions or pause on each one and give a real, in-depth answer? Are you willing to embrace your childhood or do you think you’d be happier if you never thought about it again?

Even if you considered only one of the questions, you’ve got a taste of what it’s like to move toward emotional health. You dipped your toe in the water. If you considered more than one, you might feel overwhelmed as you swim in a pool of emotional memories.

As I said, memories are fascinating. They aren’t part of who you are. Yet, in another way, they are part of you. You’re not five years old anymore. But you might feel five years old sometimes.

Remember the Past, Compare it with the Present, and Plan the Future

Here are a few more questions for you to consider: In what ways do you feel the same, today, as you did when you were a young child? In what ways are you the same? In what ways are you different?

Life can lead you away from being in touch with who you are. The pressures, demands, and trauma open a chasm between your performance and who you are. It’s possible to become so familiar with present-day performance (life responsibilities) that you forget what it’s like to enjoy life on your terms.

Here are three more questions that should help you “pull yourself together.” What day would you most like to relive? What makes life worth living today? Now, what new day do you imagine you would like to live in the near future?

In answering all these questions, look for two things. First, look for any infections: emotional wounds that haven’t fully healed. Second, look for peak experiences: emotional highs that give you energy.

If you’d like more practice at developing follow-on experiences, then you should try a book from my Journal Your Way series.

More about the benefits of exploring your past.
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Last updated 2022/12/11

Self-Care Is Not Selfish Or Sinful

Self-Care Is Not Selfish Or Sinful

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Christians are not supposed to be selfish so they often end up at the other extreme: being self-neglectful. But being selfless doesn’t prevent self-care. You can be content while caring for yourself and others.

Selfishness at its root is wastefulness. Poor stewardship is the misuse of resources. Gluttony is a perfect example of selfishness. People are selfish when they consume more than they need while others don’t get what they need.

The selfish person refuses to do what is helpful and right. He prioritizes his wants over another person’s needs. Selfishness overlaps with pride. A selfish person might throw away good food instead of giving it to those in need. This person is deliberately spiteful or intent on seeing others suffer.

With such a bleak definition, you might think, “I’m not that selfish.” And maybe you’re right. Instead, maybe you are self-neglectful. Would you starve yourself so another can eat? That is just as extreme as letting others starve.

It’s Nearly Impossible to be Content and Selfish

The selfish person can’t be thankful. Being thankful allows you to see the abundance of what you have. Take a moment to consider the excess you have. Most people have well beyond what they need to be happy. Yet, many people aren’t happy. What will it take for you to be happy?

Selfishness can also have a fearful root. I should think only of myself in case something bad happens. True contentment is living with peace in any circumstance. To be selfish is a negative grab for satisfaction. Paul wrote about contentment:

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:11-13 NIV

Contentment is an internal state. You can prefer blue skies over grey skies, but still be content on a cloudy day. Selfishness exists because of discontentment with circumstances. The secret to contentment is knowing what happens when your life ends. Nothing provides greater peace than knowing God has chosen you to be with Him in paradise (Luke 23:43).

It’s Possible to Pursue Self-Care and be Selfless

Because of sin, it’s easy to be selfish. It’s also easy to give others what they want to avoid any uncomfortable conflict (also know as people pleasing). But you can be generous and have healthy boundaries at the same time. You can because self-care isn’t selfish. With God’s help, your motives for giving can be free of resentment, bitterness, or anything negative.

God wants you to be selfless. That means you work toward being a good steward of the resources God has given you. You know the difference between what you need and what you want. You derive your happiness from the abundance of what you already have. You share what you have with those who have need. You give to others only when your giving helps instead of creating further harm. Paul explains how to have the right motivation to give:

So I have decided to ask Titus and the others to spend some time with you before I arrive. This way they can arrange to collect the money you have promised. Then you will have the chance to give because you want to, and not because you feel forced to. Remember this saying, “A few seeds make a small harvest, but a lot of seeds make a big harvest.” Each of you must make up your own mind about how much to give. But don’t feel sorry that you must give and don’t feel that you are forced to give. God loves people who love to give.

2 Corinthians 9:5-7 CEV

When you are focused on God and His kingdom, you can be happy and content whether you are in need or have plenty. You can allow yourself to enjoy the life God has given you.

Learn more about struggling with circumstances.
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Your Struggle Is Related To Childhood

Your Struggle Is Related to Childhood

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Struggles come in all shapes and sizes. You can struggle physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually. Physical struggles are related to health and endurance. Mental struggles are about grasping concepts and reality. Emotional struggles are a focus on the intensity of pain caused by the negatives of life (loss resulting from sin). Spiritual struggles involve the ability to discern the truth from falsehood.

All struggles are likely related to childhood events because people are most vulnerable then. Even though we struggle, spiritual rebirth allows believers to love God will all aspects of their being.

And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment.”

Matthew 22:37-38 ESV

Optical Illusions Are a Perceptional Struggle

Optical illusions are fun. They work because of assumptions about reality. To some degree, you will perceive what you want to perceive. Sometimes that aligns with reality and sometimes it doesn’t. Either way, after you see past the illusion, it’s difficult to be tricked again.

Your consciousness is similar to an optical illusion. You have meaningful events buried beneath the surface of awareness. The significant events are rich with life lessons and strong feelings. As you intentionally uncover the significance of your history, it becomes harder to ignore unless you are determined to avoid it.

Becoming in touch with your uncomfortable memories promotes healing. This can seem counter-intuitive until you realize that to not be in touch with your history is to be in denial. What is distressing tends to stay buried unless you are determined to be healthy.

Jesus Calls Those Who Struggle

As you probably know, there is a tension between wanting everything just to be okay and admitting everything isn’t okay.

Jesus answered them, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners and need to repent.”

Luke 5:31-32 NLT

Many of your childhood struggles continue to play out in your everyday interactions. You just don’t realize it unless you look intentionally. Without some prompting, it’s easy to leave pain buried. You might think you are better off leaving sleeping giants undisturbed.

A decade or two isn’t enough time to fully resolve life’s challenges. Chances are, whatever you struggled with as a child, you still struggle with today. Ideally, you struggle with it to a lesser degree. But there’s no shame in noticing you continue to struggle. It is possible to both make significant progress and realize you are essentially the same person you were as a child.

Feelings Reveal The Real Struggle

Everyone has to overcome their fear of inadequacy if they want to grow. Don’t be surprised and discouraged when you experience some of the same feelings you had during your younger years. Instead, see this as a positive sign that you are strong enough to look clearly at how you are responding to life.

How you respond reveals a lot about yourself that you need to know if you want to continue healing. This works for both positive and negative emotions.

Positive emotions can tell you what you’ll naturally be drawn to. They can get you into a trap just as easily as negative ones if you’re not vigilant. For example, people who notice they feel great when they win might be tempted to gamble for a chance to win big.

Negative emotions tell you what you want to avoid. They become a trap when they take center stage. For example, people who fear competition might become so consumed with failure, that they avoid trying.

Spend time noticing what makes you exceptionally happy, sad, angry, or anxious. Then make connections with your earlier experiences. What themes do you see? Your consistency over time likely defines your personality.

Learn more about exploring childhood to be healthy.
The picture that goes with today’s post contains an optical illusion. I found it on the internet. Apparently, it was popular around 2014.

Earnest Rest Reveals God's Favor

Earnest Rest Reveals God’s Favor

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Rest makes it possible to perform at your highest level. You probably do your best work when you are relaxed and “in the zone.” Have you experienced this kind of rest? Would you like to learn to enter into the rest God intends for you?

Find Rest By Finding Your Sweet Spot

God made you with an identity which is the place of optimal functioning. This sweet spot is where the least amount of effort still produces the maximum output. Hitting your sweet spot is an honorable goal. God intends for you to feel the pleasure of acting from the center of who you are. If you want to know God’s favor, first you must be free to be yourself.

Sometimes the sweet spot is elusive because of sin and the curse. They cloud and distort who you are. Sometimes you have to do what you don’t particularly want to do. Overcoming the curse requires hard work. The goal isn’t to eliminate your effort, but instead to optimize your effort. You put in your effort while relying on God to carry what you were never meant to carry.

Find Rest By Compartmentalizing Obligation

Do you know what it feels like to pursue what you want instead of what you must (because of obligation or responsibility)? God created the sabbath so you can experience unpressured living at least one day out of seven. The lift you gain from one day of rest can carry into the other six days.

Who are you when you’re under obligation? How do you fill your day to meet the demands of life? Don’t miss this: You’re probably not optimally in touch with your true identity while under obligation. That’s because obligation implies some amount of stress and that changes everything.

Who are you when you’re not under any obligation? Then, how do you live? This is what you can accomplish during productive play. Restful living means entering into a natural high by functioning at the level of God’s highest purposes for you. This is true recreation — an effort that recovers more energy than it spends.

Find Rest By Playing

Fulfilling obligations is necessary. But playing is as important as working. What do you think of when you think of playing? Productive play does not involve low-functioning activities that allow passive living. Your brain can be fully engaged and relaxed during play.

Whatever you do should have a purpose. Some activities can seem like they have no eternal significance, but if they rejuvenate you, they have value. For example, consider watching a movie. What value do you gain from it? Does it uplift or strengthen you? Does it help you to better understand life? Or does it drain you or lead you into sin?

To play is to relax. Some people can’t stop working. Their play is only work in disguise. When you practice relaxing, it will help you when you are under the stress of responsibility. You’ll be able to work more efficiently when you are under stress.

Restful living will be different for each person. What activities bring you more energy as you participate in them? In the movie, Chariots of Fire, Eric Liddell says, “When I run, I feel His pleasure.” Even though he’s exerting himself completely he has entered God’s rest. He’s burdened with running, but not burdened with debilitating anxieties.

When God’s power is available genuine play is possible. That’s because He does the heavy lifting. Jesus said:

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:28-30

Have you ever felt God’s pleasure? You enter God’s rest and He is right there with you expressing His excitement for who you are. God is your cheerleader. Allow His cheers to propel you forward.

Learn more about play.
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Last Updated 2023/10/15

Increase Motivation By Developing Conviction

Increase Motivation By Developing Conviction

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Convictions produce motivation to accomplish goals. A laundry list of goals is not motivating in itself. To maximize motivation, you need to know how important something is to you and why it is important. When you are motivated from within like this, the motivation cannot easily be taken from you.

What is apathy and what causes it? Apathy is the opposite of motivation. If apathy is a lack of concern, then motivation is concerned enough to act. The energy required to act is worth the effort because the cause matters to you.

Burnout Saps Motivation

Other concepts related to apathy include depression or burnout. Burnout results from attempting something that is beyond your capacity to achieve, refusing to give up, and ignoring self-care. Burnout does not happen overnight. Take a look at this 12 stages of burnout infographic.

People become burned out when the cause is motivating but the goal or timeframe is unrealistic. For example, wanting to feel better self-worth by working harder is a no-win situation. Working harder cannot permanently build self-worth. It might temporarily feel better, but the feeling will wear off when the achievements slow down.

Imbalance Saps Motivation

Becoming overfocused on superficial pursuits can also drain motivation. The activity can be positive like exercise or negative like alcohol consumption. In extreme use, anything can become unhealthy. Anything that becomes a substitute for connecting with God is unhealthy in the long term. That’s because life becomes imbalanced.

Exercise up to a point provides great benefits, but if pushed to an extreme it becomes harmful. The body wears out. The time is not well spent. Other underutilized activities have untapped potential.

In the case of exercise, the effect is directly physical. In the case of stress (burnout), the effect is indirect, but no less demotivating. Hope thrives on seeing results from the effort spent. If nothing you can do will produce results, the situation is hopeless. Progressing in burnout moves toward increasingly diminished margins of return.

What is conviction? It’s not really any different than faith.

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

Hebrews 11:1 ESV

Faith is conviction. The most important things in life are the spiritual unseen realities. If you have faith in a bridge, you will cross it. If you are fearful you won’t. Having conviction about the strength of a bridge means you are convinced that the bridge will support your weight. Therefore, you can see that faith leads to motivation and motivation to good works. If you fully believe something is true, how can you not act on what you know?

What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

James 2:14-17 ESV

So then, what if you are not motivated? What if your life feels directionless? What if you suffer from apathy or depression? Some situations like losing a loved one or losing a job naturally result in grief. While grieving, people are expected to feel motivated. So there is definitely a time to put activity aside and just be. Aside from grief and a physical health problem, there is a good chance that feeling lethargic is a lack of conviction.

Conviction is faith and faith will always point to some action. Maybe this is what Jesus meant when discussing having even a small amount of faith. The smallest amount of pure faith is largely motivating!

Afterward the disciples asked Jesus privately, “Why couldn’t we cast out that demon?” “You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.

Matthew 17:19-20 NLT

Learn more about the difference between being stubborn and being tenacious.
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Authentic Sharing Leaves People Blessed

Authentic Sharing Leaves People Blessed

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We thrive when God shares His life with us through Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Sharing your life with others might be the best way to encourage someone. Paul describes his desire for mutual edification to the believers in Rome:

One of the things I always pray for is the opportunity, God willing, to come at last to see you. For I long to visit you so I can bring you some spiritual gift that will help you grow strong in the Lord. When we get together, I want to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours.

Romans 1:10-12 NLT

A testimony is a statement of personal experience. It can’t be refuted, but it is also hard to deny. Testimonies are usually intentional and planned, but casual sharing can be just as effective.

Sharing Your Spirit is a Blessing

Others need your perspective. It can be incredibly encouraging just to hear someone else acknowledge God’s truth as real. God gives us life to share with others. What is more precious than life? Sharing your life is like a supercharged spiritual discipline.

Because we are made in God’s image, we are spirit at our core too. God made us to have some control over what we keep hidden and what we reveal.

For God is Spirit, so those who worship him must worship in spirit and in truth.

John 4:24 NLT

If God invests in revealing who He is to us, we should also spend time revealing ourselves to each other. By sharing ourselves we are also revealing who God is because God lives within us. This kind of spiritual sharing goes beyond sharing physical resources.

God’s Spirit has shown you everything. His Spirit finds out everything, even what is deep in the mind of God.

1 Corinthians 2:10 CEV

To see and know God is eternal life (John 17:3).

Mutual Sharing is Superior

What is motivating you when you share? Interestingly enough, sharing benefits both the speaker and the listener. In most relationships, balanced sharing is more rewarding. Listening can be work but it can also be an act of receiving a blessing. Speaking can be work, for example when someone is teaching, but it can also be advantageous.

The speaker is blessed by knowing that what is shared makes a difference in someone else’s life. Sharing is also important for another more subtle reason: not sharing is unnatural. An example of this is when someone gives another the silent treatment. People become emotionally sick when they cannot share their lives with others.

Even though sharing is beneficial, this doesn’t mean it is healthy to share indiscriminately. Even God reveals Himself only to specific people.

My Father has entrusted everything to me. No one truly knows the Son except the Father, and no one truly knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.

Luke 10:22 NLT

Some people have no interest or use for God’s words. They do not understand. They do not know eternal life. God says that you don’t have to waste your time with these people. But there are plenty of others who are poor in spirit. They want to hear the words of truth. They are hungry for the life you have flowing within you.

Don’t give to dogs what belongs to God. They will only turn and attack you. Don’t throw pearls down in front of pigs. They will trample all over them.

Matthew 7:6 CEV

Too often people are taught to not be selfish and to listen more than speak. But if everyone followed this advice, no one would be talking! I encourage you to intentionally seek a balance in your relationships. Both speaking and listening are powerful blessings.

When you speak, be deliberate about sharing the best parts of your spiritual life. What has God been doing in your heart? When you are listening to others, realize they are sharing the “pearls of the kingdom” with you. You are treading on holy ground. Be respectful of this blessing.

Speak and listen with all of your heart.

Learn about overcoming shame.
Learn about the limits of self-revelation.
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Grieving Frees You From A Trapped Life

Grieving Frees You From A Trapped Life

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I’ve discovered that grieving is a way to become unstuck. It’s a process of coming to accept what seems unacceptable. It changes you for the good, but it leaves you different.

Can you remember a time when you felt stuck? Perhaps you wanted to change but weren’t sure who or what would help. Maybe you had already tried many solutions. I have been there many times.

You can only experience something for the first time once in your life. Once you experience it, you are changed. Those second and following experiences aren’t the same. Consider—the first bite of that heavenly dessert or that first sip of refreshingly cold water on a scorching hot day. Though you may finish the rest, it won’t be the same as the first.

Life is like a series of gates you go through. The gates are one-way doors. After you go through them, you can’t go back. All you can do is view the past from a distance. Here are three reasons why you should become better at grieving.

Grieving Helps You Let Go of Regrets

For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.

2 Corinthians 7:10 ESV

It’s better to realize too late that you could have handled a situation better than to never realize it at all. How many times have you wished for a do-over?

Sometimes life can feel like a rushing river is escorting you through the gates faster than you want to go. As you careen downstream, you hit some rocks; there isn’t time to catch your breath. You can feel trapped because rivers don’t flow backward.

Is there no way to go back so you can erase your mistakes? If you can’t make it so it never happened, is there any point in dwelling on it?

Godly grief allows you to move forward into a new way of living that embraces God’s ability to make all things work for good (Romans 8:28). But to move forward, you must revisit the past. You can’t change the past, but you can change yourself. Grieving allows you to see your mistakes and sit with them for a time. This is important because it gives the past proper significance. It is natural and understandable for us to want to quickly forget about the pain, but when we do, we miss the depth of recovery.

Grieving gives you time to receive God’s words of forgiveness and healing. Worldly grief keeps you stubborn and unwilling to accept God’s help—you are sorry to be stuck, but don’t want to do the hard work to heal. People stuck in worldly grief, even if their pain goes away, have nothing to show for their time. They don’t care about learning a lesson.

Grieving Helps You Wait For God

Sometimes life can feel like a riverbed that dried up so long ago you can’t remember when. The gate in front of you seems to be permanently blocked. You think you are ready to move on, but God has other plans and says “wait.” He wants you to linger where you are for a while. You feel trapped because you can’t move forward into the future, the past seems irrelevant, and the present is boring or painful.

But during this time, you make the effort to learn that God is sufficient for all your needs.

Deep in my heart I say, “The Lord is all I need; I can depend on him!

The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.

It is good to wait patiently for the Lord to save us.

Lamentations 3:24 (CEV) 25 (ESV) 26 (CEV)

The way forward won’t be closed forever. If you find that it is currently closed, then there’s more to do in this chapter of your life before you move on to the next.

While you are waiting, you can seek God by asking Him to accomplish His plans in your life so you can eventually open the door. Tell Him how you feel a deep sense of frustration because you can’t reach the future you desire. Ask God to reveal what important task remains to be accomplished.

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Matthew 7:7-8 NIV

Allow God to meet you here. This might be a time to be fully in the present moment and to cultivate contentedness. Slow down and enjoy the time you have now. After you move forward, you’ll only be able to return through your memories.

Grieving Helps You Step Through the Open Door

Sometimes life can feel like you are on a calm lake but you are approaching a waterfall. You fear for your survival. The way forward is dreadful. You’d rather enjoy the serenity of the lake.

Say not, “Why were the former days better than these?” For it is not from wisdom that you ask this.

Ecclesiastes 7:10 ESV

Most people think of grieving as coming to accept a loss, but longing for the so-called “good ol’ days” is also a form of grieving. With each passing gate, a melancholy nostalgia can build. The older you are, the more there is that will never be again.

The older I get, the more I realize that I won’t be able to accomplish everything on my to-do list. Prioritization matters at every age, but its value becomes abundantly clear later in life.

Grieving is a process that can transform you as you sort through memories and bring closure to them. If the past seems to be the happiest you will ever be, think again! Prepare your heart for what else God has in store for you. Passing by the old things also means God is doing something new right now and He will do even more tomorrow.

For I am about to do something new.
    See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
    I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.

Isaiah 43:19 NLT

What body of water best describes your current season of life? Remember that God is a masterful gatekeeper. Allow Him to guide you through the wilderness with all He provides. Seek wisdom from God (see Ecclesiastes 7:8-14 for more insight into grieving).

Read more about 3 Steps to Achieve Healthy Grieving
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Updated and Expanded July 10, 2022

How To Grow More Confident

How To Grow More Confident

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Who wants to be confident? Everybody does That’s because possessing confidence means you have resilience, reliability, and strength. We are all familiar with what its opposite involves: self-doubt, insecurity, and discouragement. The cost of a lack of confidence is high.

So, why aren’t more people brimming over with confidence? Because it comes with a price. Are you willing to endure whatever it takes to gain this sense of peace and security?

To become strong, you first need to be more fully in touch with the ways you are weak. How aware are you of how you are doing emotionally? Fortunately, there is a shortcut to finding and building your endurance and confidence.

Listen To Your Body To Grow Confident

When I go running for more than a few minutes, my focus changes. As fatigue sets in, I have to motivate myself to keep going. I become more aware of the finish line. How much farther do I have to go? Will I be able to make it without stopping?

Fatigue can result in discouragement or you can allow it to produce a determination to keep going. When I become fatigued while running, it’s nearly impossible not to notice the strain on my body. But what is more interesting is how my physical health and my emotional health are linked.

God made our brains to store similar experiences together. Running triggers my brain to focus on the theme of whatever is desperately concerning me. When my body protests because of the physical strain, my brain brings my most serious emotional concerns into my awareness. I become flooded with what matters most to me. The thoughts can be obstacles on my path to a life well-lived.

Test Your Limits To Grow Confident

To grow in endurance, you have to test your limits. The testing identifies weak areas that need strengthening. Growth is stressful, usually requiring an upfront investment for a future payoff. Growth costs you your immediate state of relaxation.

When we can trust God with this process, the value of the reward far exceeds the stress.

Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory.

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

Romans 5:1-5 NLT

God is saying your problems and trials lead to a satisfying, secure, and confident hope. The development of character is the proof of your salvation–your entrance into heaven and eternal life. Furthermore, a heart full of love has no room for fear.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

1 John 4:18 NIV

The next time you want to feel better, try wearing yourself out exercising (or whatever works for you). Then note what surfaces in your mind. That could be an area of weakness that God is working on so you can feel more confident.

We can see life as a painful struggle, but God sees it as endurance training. And endurance results in many good things such as peace, confidence, and character.

Read more about confidence.
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Last Edited 2023/01/29

Is Your Forgiveness Incomplete?

Forgiveness

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What is Forgiveness Good For?

Forgiveness is the supernatural work of the Holy Spirit. It heals conflict within people, between people, and between people and God. Forgiveness removes bitterness, a cancerous blockage that infects and destroys people and relationships. Forgiveness and healing go together like chocolate and peanut butter.

Failure to forgive is often the main obstacle to moving forward in freedom. “Forgive” can be broken down into “give for”. God gives to us, we give to others, and others give to us.

What Forgiveness Is

  • Being aware of what someone has done and still forgiving them (to cancel a debt you have to know the fullness of the damage)
  • Choosing to keep no records of wrong (the debt has to die and not be resurrected later)
  • Refusing to punish (punishing creates more hurt and usually can’t bring back what you lost)
  • Relinquishing any debt (no longer expecting repaying)
  • Not telling what they did (not gossiping)
  • Being merciful (because God is merciful)
  • Absence of bitterness (this only denies that God cares about you)
  • Looking to God to make things right by bringing healing and making repayment as He sees fit

What Forgiveness is Not

  • Approval of what was done to you (it is possible to cancel a debt and still see the truth of its wrongness)
  • Excusing what they did (this only minimizes it)
  • Justifying what they did (this only minimizes it)
  • Pardoning what they did (this is a counterfeit because the hurt is not really confronted)
  • Reconciliation of the relationship (forgiveness enables this, but does not guarantee it)
  • Denying what they did (essentially the same as pardoning)
  • Forgetting (it is possible to remember but not be bitter if you have truly experienced healing)
  • Refusing to take the wrong seriously (this is minimizing it)
  • Pretending you are not hurt (this is not honest)

Reflections on Forgiveness

He who cannot forgive another breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself.
– George Herbert

To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.
– C.S. Lewis

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.
– Leo Tolstoy

The most powerful agent of growth and transformation is something much more basic than any technique: a change of heart.
– John Welwood

When you blame others, you give up your power to change.
– Dr. Robert Anthony

Nothing is easy to the unwilling.
– Thomas Fuller

Resources on Forgiveness

Book – Total Forgiveness by R.T. Kendall
– provides a comprehensive explanation of what forgiveness is and what it is not

Book – What’s So Amazing About Grace by Phillip Yancy
– provides a compelling case for no strings attached forgiveness

Prayer
Heavenly Father, I choose as an act of my will to forgive [person]. I forgive [person] for [list of specific offenses]. I release [person]. I ask you to forgive [person] for all these things as well and that you do not hold these things against [person] on my account.

Heavenly Father, I ask you to forgive me for holding unforgiveness, bitterness, resentment, etc., in my heart towards [person]. I receive your forgiveness and cleansing of my heart from all unrighteousness.

Heavenly Father, forgive me for holding resentment towards you and for allowing these hurts to happen to me. If I have any more negative feelings stored up in me towards [person], I ask you to cleanse them from me now. I open myself to replace these negative emotions with the fruit of your Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience…)

Heavenly Father, I ask you now to heal the wounded places in my soul. Heal every memory of those offenses so I can look back on them, realistically accepting they were hurtful, and trusting you have healed the hurt. Enable me to use this experience to help others with whom I come into contact.

Heavenly Father, bless [person] with your abundant mercy. Prosper [person] in every way. In the name of Jesus. Amen.

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Last updated 2022/11/20

How To Live Worry Free

How to Live Worry Free

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Worry is an automatic behavior for many people. It’s an attempt to control something that cannot be controlled. Therefore, the more you worry, the more frustrated you’ll become.

There is plenty in life that happens against our wills, so there is plenty of opportunity to worry. In our wisdom, we don’t know what to try to prevent and what to allow. But God has perfect wisdom.

If worry is a behavior then it is also a choice. When a person is accustomed to worrying it might feel involuntary. That can happen when the belief system that allows worry is buried out of awareness.

Anxious worrying involves fear. What is worrying you? Is it more physical like health (fear of suffering) or finances (fear of powerlessness)? Maybe it is more personal like your worth (fear of rejection). Whatever it is, the underlying belief system has something to do with trust.

Ridding yourself of worry requires trusting God with the parts of life out of your control. The more you focus (without considering God) on what you can’t control, the more anxious you’ll become. The more you live in fear, the more discouraged you’ll become.

Encouragement is the Antidote to Worry

Anxious fear brings depression,
but a life-giving word of encouragement
can do wonders to restore joy to the heart.

Proverbs 12:25 TPT

The only way to live worry-free is to give up your attempts to control the outcomes of your life. This doesn’t mean giving up on trying to make a positive difference in this life. You can love God with everything you have, but still accept that this life rarely goes exactly how you want it to.

There’s always a greater reality beyond what you see immediately in front of you. Encouraging words never need to be empty promises. Whatever is encouraging must be based on a promise of God. Evil may appear to be winning during this life. Evil might look like it has defeated good, but God always has the final word. His voice brings victory.

The horse is made ready for the day of battle,
    but victory rests with the Lord.

Proverbs 21:31 NIV

Maybe you are caught up in fear. Maybe you aren’t allowing a life-giving word of encouragement to reach your heart. Maybe then you are putting too much hope into your own efforts. We can (and should) prepare for battle, but it is only because of God that we can win.

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

1 Corinthians 15:56-57 NIV

Living intentionally by telling God you want to be more hopeful. Agree that you want to open your heart to encouragement. Imagine God encouraging you. Which of the following would be most life-giving to you?

  • You are unconditionally loved.
  • You are safe and secure.
  • You are wanted in a relationship with me.
  • You are significant and valued.
  • You have a place in my kingdom-house.

Fortunately for us believers, all of the above are true. Then why don’t they often feel true?

Discouraging Wounds are Real, But God’s Encouraging Words are More Real

None of those statements require that your circumstances are always pleasant or desirable. They are spiritual truths more than they are facts fulfilled by this current life. Spiritual truths last forever; circumstances are temporary. Don’t confuse the two. When you believe your circumstances are forever and the truth is temporary, you will understandably be afraid. So if you’re struggling, ask yourself which way you’re believing.

Spiritual truths remain true, even when they don’t feel true. Who you are (all the good that God made you to be) remains true, even when you don’t feel good about yourself.

When terrible, painful things happen, we are supposed to feel sad, but not discouraged forever. If you lose a loved one, develop a serious medical condition, or face humiliating rejection, you will feel it, and you should.

No doubt that life circumstances can be obstacles to faith. No doubt there is plenty to be sad about. Just not sad forever. The reality of who God is brings joy to the heart.

Wounds are real, but what God has to say counts infinitely more. Open your heart to life-giving encouragement.

For every child of God defeats this evil world, and we achieve this victory through our faith.

1 John 5:4 NLT

Read more about trusting God.
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Last updated 2022/11/06

Are You Super Needy Or Not Needy Enough?

Are You Super Needy Or Not Needy Enough?

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Hyper-focusing on problems (being too needy) can be detrimental. It can generate mistrust and anxiety. But denial (not being needy enough) is deadly. If you don’t know that you are sick or you won’t face that you are sick, you won’t seek the remedy you need.

How far should you go to question your emotional and spiritual health? If you don’t go far enough, you’re still in denial. If you go too far, you stop trusting God will take care of you.

It’s even possible to make a serious attempt to put off denial but still remain in denial. What you don’t know, you don’t know. The problem with these two unhealthy extremes is they bypass trusting God. God wants you to skip both worry and denial.

What is Too Needy?

Being too needy means you express more need than is healthy. This is another way of saying that you lack the security to trust. The extra expression manifests as pure worry. Worry is a too-activated conscience.

You could constantly worry about whether you’re missing something. For example, maybe you still have an unconfessed sin that you need to find. You feel like you need more help than even Jesus can provide.

What is Not Needy Enough?

When you are not needy, you fail to register your needs. This is another way of saying that you’ve given up hope that your needs will be met. You might feel numb or nothing at all. Denial is a too-under-activated conscience.

You could completely deny that you have any problems. For example, you’re unwilling to consider you need help. Everything is fine. You don’t need any help.

What is the Right Amount of Being Needy?

Neediness is not the problem. God designed us to be needy. You can be super needy and healthy at the same time. What you do with your emotional longings makes all the difference.

To counteract the extremes you need two healthy spiritual attitudes:

  1. “Jesus is sufficient help.” Jesus has the power to fully address whatever problems you face. This belief will counter an anxious response.
  2. “I need help.” Left to yourself, you realize you wouldn’t make it very far. This belief will counter denial.

Scripture speaks on both of these attitudes:

God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.

Psalm 46:1 NLT

When Jesus heard this, he told them, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.”

Mark 2:17 NLT

You can admit you need help, without becoming helpless. You can be in need, but not hopeless. This is a posture of waiting expectantly.

Ask God to help you see where you are sick. Unless you see, you won’t be in a position to receive God’s healing and even His blessings. Try a prayer based on Matthew 11:25 like this:

God, help me to understand my deepest needs. You keep the secrets of your kingdom hidden from the prideful but reveal them to children. Open my eyes to the wonder of who you are and who I am.

At that time Jesus prayed this prayer: “O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, thank you for hiding these things from those who think themselves wise and clever, and for revealing them to the childlike.

Matthew 11:25 NLT

To receive the benefits of this prayer, see yourself as needy enough to receive God’s blessings, but not so needy that you believe God won’t bother to answer your cry for help.

More help for feeling rejected.
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Last updated 2022/10/30

Coping Is Temporary But Healing Is Forever

Coping Is Temporary But Healing Is Forever

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Many people look for ways to cope with the pain they encounter. Coping is a good option in the short term but it’s a horrible option long term.

Coping Doesn’t Fix The Problem

Using coping skills is a good idea. Coping allows you to get through the day without becoming overwhelmed by the sensation of pain. But relying on coping as the solution is a mistake that only creates a bigger problem.

Coping numbs your pain. When you don’t feel your pain, you will feel relieved and maybe even hopeful. But coping, without a long-term solution, only produces a false sense of hope.

The world doesn’t have a solution to pain and suffering. Coping is its best attempt. Have you bought into its subtle message? The world tells us to focus on the pleasure we can experience today. Be greedy. As long as you feel good today, you don’t have to worry about tomorrow. You can’t do any better than maximizing your happiness each day.

But what if there is something even better than happiness that you’ll never experience if you follow the world’s advice?

Jesus said to not worry about tomorrow (Matthew 6:25-34). So a worry-free life is the right approach. However, Jesus’ advice is radically different than the world’s. The reason believers shouldn’t worry is exactly the opposite of non-believers. God guarantees that believers have a hopeful future and non-believers have a hopeless future.

The real problem is that everybody is going to die physically and in the meantime, life can be confusing and gut-wrenchingly painful. Even coping can’t shut out this reality completely.

A hopeless future is unbearable, so it makes some sense to avoid its pain. If you’re not going to choose to follow Jesus, then coping is your next best option. But it’s not a solution and doesn’t even come close to what God offers.

Choose Healing Over Coping Whenever Possible

Everything you pursue, except eternal life through Jesus Christ, will leave you thirsty again. When you drink a glass of water, it only temporarily relieves your thirst. You will need more soon enough. But eternal life results from an endless supply of spiritual nourishment.

Jesus replied, “Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.”

John 4:13-14 NLT

For Jesus’s truth to work for you, you need to be willing to give up feeling good all the time. If you’re feeling good while preoccupied with the pleasures of this life, you probably won’t develop a craving for Jesus water.

For those who follow Jesus, our best option is to face the pain now. We can face the pain because it grows our faith and allows healing. Facing the pain drives us to drink the water Jesus promises will satisfy us.

The bubbling spring is the Holy Spirit. The Spirit guides believers into all truth (John 16:13). The first step to receiving healing is to receive the truth.

Imagine you are walking in the wilderness. You are tired and hungry. You have a long way to go until you reach home. How do you feel?

How much difference would it make in your mood if you knew you were going to make it home sometime in the near future? In real life, the Holy Spirit is the one who whispers, “Keep going. You’re going to make it. Don’t give up!” Are you willing to receive this truth? If you can, the journey becomes easier mentally, even when it doesn’t become any easier physically.

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

Colossians 3:1-4 NLT

Read more about how people use addictions to cope.
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Addiction Is About Control

Addiction Is About Control

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What is your definition of addiction? If you are trying to break free from an addiction, it’s easier to focus more on the object of desire such as food, alcohol, or sex than the internal workings of your mind. This denial of what is really going on is another core trait of an addict. In fact, addictions often start because we don’t want to focus on ourselves–specifically the pain we’re going through.

Addiction is over-reliance on creation in an attempt to cope with (or control or manage) anything undesirable. Coping is seen as positive in pop psychology. However, it’s more of a quick fix than a permanent solution. Coping should be what people do until a solution is available and they are ready to pursue it.

Coping without hope is just making someone comfortable. As Christians, we know there is always a reason to hope, so focusing on comfort further hides the solution. If you don’t trust a better future is coming, you have less strength to endure unfortunate events. The best you might be able to do is pretend it doesn’t matter so you can, at least, derive greater pleasure at the moment.

Coping with hope is waiting for a real fix. As Christians, we can face our suffering because we already have the fix. We’re just waiting for it to take full effect (when we pass on to the next life). Our coping and hoping is not in vain.

Addiction Avoids Discomfort

If you’re addicted, ask yourself, “What does my addictive behavior help me avoid?” You are probably trying to avoid seeing your own brokenness. But brokenness can be buried beneath layers of discomfort and bitterness.

It’s one thing to say, “I’m angry because I didn’t get the job I applied for.” But it’s another altogether to admit, “I didn’t get the job because I didn’t work hard enough at my previous job.” Or maybe, “I think God is trying to tell me I have to work on being more responsible before I get the job I want.”

We tend to vastly overestimate our ability to control outcomes. Forming an addition is tempting because it provides the solution we’re looking for (reduced pain). The real problem then is that we aren’t looking for the right solution (character growth).

Addiction Focuses On Pleasure

How does anyone avoid discomfort? It’s beneficial to resolve pain. God gives us pain so that we will make corrections.

The wrong way to manage pain is to simply turn off the registration of the pain. If you step on a nail but don’t feel it, you’ll probably further damage your foot. You want to feel pain that screams, “Address this problem now!” But then, after you register the hurt and are committed to correcting the injury, it’s humane to seek relief.

Feeling pleasant body sensations is only going to help for a short time. It’s possible to be in significant distress but experience an overall sense of peace. Knowing that whatever you’re going through is temporary–that’s the highest degree of comfort.

Seek relief, but only after you’re committed to God’s solution.

Addiction Ignores Identity

All addicts struggle with an identity crisis. They can’t trust who they really are. They can’t trust God. They can’t believe their pain is temporary.

All of us are recovering addicts. We want to control the immediate discomfort. We can become weary of waiting for the eternal solution to become reality.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Galatians 6:9 NIV

So what is a person to do? First, if you’re struggling with some form of addiction, you can become aware of what you are trying to control. Write it down. Tell someone about it. What pain does your behavior cover-up?

If you’re eating or drinking too much, that’s a superficial problem. Controlling your consumption, all by itself, doesn’t address the core problem. Forcing yourself to diet might help you lose weight. You might even look and feel better.

There could be a missed opportunity if you never explore the underlying reason why you chose dysfunctional eating habits in the first place. The opposite of control is to release or surrender.

What are you trying to control, that is creating addictive behavior, that instead, you could surrender to God?

Read Be Imperfect But Live Strong Anyway for more on brokenness and life balance.
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4 Breathtaking Ways God Responds To Pain

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Pain in this life up until heaven is inevitable. When times are good it’s easy to forget that and instead expect life to be pain-free. Then, God becomes the bad guy.

Job and Jonah learned this but in different ways. Job had an exceptionally good life, then he lost nearly everything, then he regained happy circumstances. He knew what it is like to see painfully dramatic shifts in his fortune.

Jonah’s life was average; he was neither rich nor poor. But at least he had a relationship with God; he knew God’s forgiveness. Yet, he apparently didn’t remember what it was like to be a recipient of God’s mercy. Or, at least he didn’t want to see people, who he thought didn’t deserve it, be given the opportunity to receive it.

At the end of Jonah (chapter 4), God demonstrates to Jonah the value of caring about others who are less fortunate. Jonah is sensitive to God’s blessing (the plant) the God’s removal of blessing (the plant dying). It’s normal to be sensitive, but God wants us to learn how to distribute our concern equally between ourselves and others.

Some people are overly concerned about themselves to the neglect of others. While some others focus too much on others’ needs, ignoring their own needs.

When the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain required to change, you become sufficiently motivated to grow. If you’re blocking the pain, you’re holding back your growth. If you’re experiencing more pain than you can handle, you’re too isolated from love.

To be able to tolerate life’s misfortunes, you need God. God is love; only He can cause pain to become relatively insignificant when compared with our futures in heaven (Romans 8:18).

I believe Peter was speaking from his experience of denying Christ (John 18:17, 25–27) and being reaffirmed as a chosen disciple when he wrote this verse:

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

1 Peter 5:10 ESV

1. Restoring Minimizes Pain

Restore means to return to a former condition, place, or position. God wants you to have what you have lost. This doesn’t mean you will receive exactly the same as what you lost (Job didn’t). But God wants you to move forward according to the plans He has for you.

2. Confirming Minimizes Pain

Confirm means to make it publicly valid. What happens in your life should be relevant to other people in your life. We celebrate and mourn together, not alone.

3. Strengthening Minimizes Pain

Strengthen means to support, increase, and reinforce. If you are going to move beyond pain, you need God’s strength. Pay attention to how God is developing your ability to complete His plans.

4. Establishing Minimizes Pain

Establish means to achieve permanent acceptance. When God establishes you, He does not have plans for you to run away (like Jonah). He is appointing you to accomplish His work.

Notice the progression. Restore and confirm recover what was lost. God wants to heal you. But strengthen and establish go beyond the unimaginable. When God establishes you, you’re permanently accepted. God has called you to eternal glory. You can’t get more permanently accepted than that.

God does all of this because He cares. Whenever you experience suffering, you always have a choice to turn away from God or to turn toward God. Peter experienced God restoring, confirming, strengthening, and establishing him (John 21:15-17). You can, too!

Read more about pain.
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Last updated September 18, 2022

Pain Is A Fierce Enemy And A Pivotal Ally

Pain Is A Fierce Enemy And A Pivotal Ally

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Pain: We can’t live with it; We can’t live without it. Emotional pain is a strange beast. It’s both annoying and essential. We spend our lives ignoring it or coping with it or finding relief from it. But pain is also our greatest ally even if it is a necessary evil.

Fear of pain keeps us from harm. Pain keeps us on the road instead of driving into a ditch. Or if we do slip into a ditch, it keeps us from driving headlong into a tree. Or, if we hit a tree, it helps us brake or turn to lessen the impact.

Don’t Avoid Pain At All Costs

When pain becomes extreme, it can flip over and push a person toward death. People consider suicide when their anguish becomes unbearable. Whether you are aiming for the tree or avoiding the tree, the goal can be the same: avoid pain. But there is a difference: suicide attempts to end the pain at all costs.

You’ve heard the saying, “Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.” That’s exactly what suicide does. It’s overkill. We need the pain to warn us that something is wrong. But the suicidal person wrongly assumes there is no possible relief.

With God, there is always a path to healing. But the restorative journey isn’t always one that everyone is willing to take. If you’re stubborn enough to choose your way over God’s way, then you are more likely to end up off-road and into a tree.

If you’d like more help with unbearable pain, consider this helpful resource for stories to help you become hopeful.

Coping is helpful as a short-term solution. If you fall and cut your leg, any first-aid is a balm used to promote healing. It won’t help much without the body’s innate ability to fight infection and replace damaged skin.

The same is true spiritually. Whatever you can do to stop your pain doesn’t compare to what Jesus can do. Therefore, it’s important that you endure your discomfort long enough to complete the healing process.

A suicidal person places too high a premium on the short-term outlook. They look at their life through unrealistic expectations. For example, if you want to run a marathon (26.2 miles) in an hour, it’s not going to happen and you’ll stress yourself if you believe you can. If you keep trying and failing, you might drive yourself to suicide if you take the challenge too seriously. Most situations in life are not life-or-death.

How is your life going? Are you stuck in despair? Here are some options to consider:

  • Bring your expectations down to somewhere realistic.
  • Increase your resources such as time or energy.
  • If you want something to happen that isn’t happening, trust God that He knows it’s not the right time yet.
  • If something is happening that you don’t want, trust God with any loss you’re experiencing.

Don’t Embrace Pain At All Costs

If what you want is out of reach, adjust your goals to something more manageable so you can enjoy life in the present. If you can’t run a marathon at world-record speeds, then try running enough for your health and enjoyment.

Do what you must to reduce your level of emotional distress. You can’t put your life in its proper perspective when you are in excruciating pain. But try to endure it long enough so you can identify what is wrong and find a path forward. When you’re in pain, God is probably trying to teach you something.

If your desire is realistic and God-honoring, then it’s worth pursuing even if you must first fail many times to reach your goal. Sometimes the path to a hopeful, uplifting place means experiencing the bottom of a pit first. Keep in mind:

  • The pit isn’t bottomless.
  • If you can change your thinking (stop being so stubborn), you will probably find that path forward.

God doesn’t promise He will answer your prayers how you want them to be answered. Sometimes we must wait on Him for direction. Other times we must keep trying as best as we know how. The secret to reducing your pain is to enjoy the journey: enjoy the pursuit of something great more than requiring a specific result in a fixed time period.

Read more about the use and imagery of balms in the OT.
Read more about the benefits of pain.
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Meaning And Pleasure Are Surprising Related

Meaning And Pleasure Are Surprising Related

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Would you rather your life be meaningful or enjoyable? That’s a tough choice, isn’t it? What if you could have both? Actually, I believe you can’t have one without the other. A life that isn’t meaningful can’t be enjoyable for very long. Likewise, a life that isn’t enjoyable can’t be meaningful for very long.

What Makes Life Meaningful?

Something is meaningful if it has enough depth to last beyond the present moment. A mosquito might buzz by your ear. Then it’s forgotten. But if a butterfly lands on your arm, pauses, and then flies away, that is more remarkable. What you remember is certainly meaningful to you.

If you spend your whole life working, you might accomplish something at first, but it won’t be sustainable. All work and no play is dehumanizing. We aren’t machines.

Contributing without consuming doesn’t remain productive for long. There is only so much your efforts are meant to accomplish. There is only so much you can do. Working harder can’t make up for what only God can do. After that, any more effort is only wasted effort. Working more hours becomes a distraction rather than an essential part of life.

Meaning also comes from recognizing that God is in control. He is the one flying the plane. He is the one keeping it in the air. We are passengers. But this doesn’t mean we should be passive. Meaning comes from what you can contribute, up to a point.

Unless the Lord builds the house,
    the builders labor in vain.

Psalm 127:1 NIV

What Makes Life Pleasurable?

God’s definition of pleasure is different than the world’s. The world defines pleasure as feeling good in the moment. It’s the opposite of meaningful. Worldly pleasure is quickly forgotten. God-created pleasure is also inspirational and hopeful.

If you spend your whole life seeking worldly pleasure, you might have fun at first, but it won’t be sustainable. Consuming without contributing doesn’t remain fun for long. Fun for fun’s sake lacks depth. A life without meaning will be empty.

Enjoying life in God’s way adds meaning. It reminds us that life is worth living. That’s priceless. There are times when there is nothing left to do… when additional efforts don’t help. In those moments, the best we can do is trust God to handle life’s challenges and find ways to continue enjoying life.

Working hard to know God and carry out the part of His plan that He has delegated to us is a pleasurable activity. Nothing is more meaningful than playing a part in fulfilling God’s plans.

Enhance Meaning by Resting and Trusting in God

What makes life worth living? Knowing you have significance is near the top of the list. What you do matters. But it’s more than that. What happens to you also matters. God cares about what happens to us. To think He doesn’t is to give up all hope.

Both work and pleasure are meaningless unless they are first inspired by God. The combined efforts of God and believers are a true accomplishment (John 4:30-34).

A person can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in their own toil. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment?

Ecclesiastes 2:24-25 NIV

We can’t make anything last beyond this moment without God (John 15:5). Enjoying your work is also impossible without God.

I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.

Ecclesiates 3:12-14 NIV

Relying too much on ability and too little on God can shift your ability from a strength to a weakness. If you want to enter into God’s rest, then don’t push yourself to accomplish more than your Maker intends. Work hard. Stress less. Enjoy life. Leave the rest to God.

More about working hard and enjoying life.
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What You Need To Succeed

What You Need To Succeed

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Do you have what you need to succeed in life? This question is similar to, “How are you?” It’s easy to give simple, “I’m fine” or “Sure, I have what I need” answers. But what if I really wanted to know and you took the time to give a sincere answer?

What is required for your success? This might be a tricky question to answer for several reasons:

  • You’ve been trained to believe it’s too selfish.
  • No one has ever given you what you need.
  • The answer will be too personal.

God Wants You to Ask for What You Need

God is always looking for ways to redeem His people. When Adam and Eve felt shame for the first time, God developed short-term and long-term plans to help them succeed. Ultimately He fulfilled His own laws for us so that we can live without the shame of failure (1 Peter 2:24). But He also immediately provided clothing for Adam and Eve.

Even though everyone between Adam and those alive today has suffered, God hasn’t stopped taking care of us. He instructs us to ask Him for good gifts. What you need is nutritious for you, so it’s worth asking for it.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

Matthew 7:7-11 NIV

Asking and Receiving What You Need isn’t Selfish

When you consider what you need, it might stir up feelings of shame. Am I worthy of being cared for? I’m so insignificant. Why would God bother to love me? My needs aren’t important. I have nothing to offer God in return. I’ve gone my whole life without my desires being met; why would anything change now? I don’t know what I need.

All of these thoughts can be summarized as “I doubt my needs will ever be met.” This belief can develop from years of disappointment. Then, it’s possible to “forget” what your needs are or that you even have them.

What if God asked you how you were doing? You might wonder if God really cares. You might think that He wants you to give a quick and cheerful response like “I’m totally blessed! I already have everything I could ever wish for.” Unless you are feeling completely content, it’s not an honest answer.

How can you become more aware of what you need?

What would feed your soul so that you have the energy to enjoy life and help others? What would be so awesome to have that it would seem unbelievable if God gave it to you? If you are struggling to answer questions like these, try some of the following:

  • When you are angry, ask yourself what would help you feel calm.
  • When you are sad, ask what you desire to feel happy.
  • When you are afraid, ask what you are lacking or what would help you feel safe.
  • How would you like to be celebrated?
  • What is the best gift anyone could give you?
  • When have you felt most loved?

For all of these, state your answer in terms of yourself, not other people. Don’t conclude, “I wouldn’t be angry if you didn’t yell at me.” Instead, try “I need to believe I am valuable.”

Then, the next step is to share your needs with the people in your life.

Read more about neediness.
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Emotional Healing Is Possible For You Today

Emotional Healing Is Possible For You Today

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God won’t always grant you more money or heal your body. But the Holy Spirit is always ready to provide emotional healing.

Are you being serious, Matt? I’ve been suffering for years. I don’t believe it. God doesn’t care about my pain. Does He?

Yes, I am serious. The Holy Spirit’s purpose is to guide believers into the truth. If you think about it, that’s the definition of emotional healing. You have a personal guide who can help you become intimately acquainted with God’s truth. Healing is more than learning facts, it’s an emotional experience of the truth.

The only caveat is that you must ask for and seek healing using biblical principles. Transformation is highly desirable, but not necessarily guaranteed (without effort on your part) or easily obtained. You have to really want it.

If you want this valuable transformation, you need to pursue it with Faith, Boldness, Persistence, and Humility.

Emotional Healing Requires Faith

Faith allows the believer to see spiritually. If you are going to approach God, it needs to be with a clear view of who God is. You need the ability to trust God and stay focused on His character!

And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.

Hebrews 11:6 ESV

If you struggle with believing God cares about you and wants you to thrive, then your first task is to ask God for the faith to see Him clearly.

Emotional Healing Requires Boldness

Boldness in this case means you seek without any kind of pretending or bashfulness. You must approach God with authenticity. You speak clearly. You tell it like it is!

In [Christ Jesus our Lord] we have boldness and access [to God] with confidence through our faith in him.

Ephesians 3:12 ESV

If you are afraid to approach God with what is on your heart, seek out another believer or a counselor who can help you develop boldness.

Emotional Healing Requires Persistence

God’s treasures are not left in the open for all to find. Only those people who really want to find the secrets to life will find them. To find them requires persistence. Do you understand the value of what you are seeking?

“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.”

Matthew 13:44 ESV

I love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently find me.

Proverbs 8:17 ESV

If you are tired and want to give up before you reach your goal, ask God for the energy to continue your pursuit.

Emotional Healing Requires Humility

If you want help, you must first prepare your heart to receive help. Desperation is a form of humility that God desires from us. God, you are my only hope! What I want is important and you are the only one who can supply my need.

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

Psalm 63:1 ESV

In the pride of his face the wicked does not seek him; all his thoughts are, “There is no God.”

Psalm 10:4 ESV

Emotional Healing is the subject of an experiential course I’ve developed. To heal emotionally requires that you are willing to:

  • Understand what your heart needs and doesn’t need.
  • Learn healthy ways to manage your pain.
  • Remember uncomfortable experiences.
  • Confront negative beliefs with the truth of who God is and who you are.
  • Feel and express your emotions.
  • Stop avoiding pain in ways that do more harm than good.
  • Emphasize seeking God and bringing your pain to Him.

While I’m putting the finishing touches on Emotional Healing, it’s available for a substantial discount. From now until Independence Day (July 4, 2022), you can purchase it for $44 instead of $100. Today could be the day you declare independence from the lies that lower your self-worth.

The first lesson is available to preview without any obligation. Also, this post is based on one of the exercises in the course.

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Recover From Crushing Betrayal

Recover From Crushing Betrayal

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A husband’s betrayal causes his wife significant pain. While both are out driving, he loses lost control of his car and smashes into her car. He had been drinking. How can she recover from this betrayal?

Both are thrown from their cars and somehow land next to each other. The husband touches his head and discovers a sizeable bump. The wife can’t move her leg; it’s broken.

The husband keeps mumbling that he is sorry. But his wife doesn’t believe him.

How could you do this to me? I’ll never be able to forgive you. You could have killed me. You need help. You need to fix this so I’ll be able to walk again.

When the ambulance arrives, the wife can’t stop talking about her husband.

It’s my idiot husband who broke my leg. Make sure he gets help for his alcohol problem.

When the paramedic asks if she wanted treatment for her leg, she declines.

This is my husband’s fault. I don’t need help because I didn’t do anything wrong. He is the one who needs to figure out why this happened and how he can make this right. If I get my leg fixed, then he will think this is no big deal and he’ll never stop drinking.

A Physical Accident Should Not Be Different Than an Emotional Betrayal

A physical accident will probably never play out like that. No one in their right mind would refuse to have their broken leg treated. However, I’ve seen an emotional accident create this kind of response in the person who was betrayed. The logic goes something like this:

Why should I be inconvenienced with counseling when it’s my husband who has the problem? It’s his fault. He’s the one who should face the consequences. I don’t need counseling. He does.

This assumes that receiving medical care for a broken leg is somehow different than receiving emotional care for a broken heart. Medical care seems to be deserved but counseling is a punishment. As someone who works as a counselor, this saddens me.

Why are these two healing procedures treated so differently? I think it is because the medical model requires very little of its patients. The doctor does all the work. The patient is usually given pain killers to numb the pain. It’s obvious that a whole leg is better than a broken one. It’s obvious that the broken leg was the husband’s fault.

A person with a broken heart can nurse bitterness for a long time without feeling obligated to do anything about it. Some people might even encourage unforgiveness as a consequence: Forgiveness is a sign of weakness. It can feel like the only leverage a person has against a repeat offense.

A well-known saying applies here. Unforgiveness is like drinking poison to make the perpetrator suffer. But this doesn’t work emotionally either because the victim ends up giving up too much control over their own life just to make a point. Why would anyone want to suffer more? Maybe they are desperate to know if their suffering matters to the perpetrator.

Others have the power to hurt you but they don’t have the power to make you well.

This is an unfortunate fact of life. This is why forgiveness is necessary. Only Jesus has the power to make you well. We appeal to Him through prayer so that we might be healthy again.

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

James 5:16 ESV

We forgive others so that our hearts are open to receiving God’s forgiveness.

And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.

Mark 11:25 ESV

Forgiveness doesn’t prevent God from working in the perpetrator’s life, but unforgiveness might prevent God from working in yours. Counseling is supposed to be an emotional healing process, not a burden. If you’ve suffered an emotional injury, why not seek all the help you can get?

When you are in a state of unforgiveness, you are spiritually weak. But having forgiven, you are strong. Unforgiveness is about trying to maintain control over something you can’t control. Forgive today so you will be healed.

More about relational health.
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Box Your Concerns And Give Them To God

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The last few months have been especially stressful because of the various global crises we are all facing. In addition, each of us has our personal struggles. It’s overwhelming.

As Christians, we live between the truth that we will have trouble in this life and the truth that God comforts us during our struggles. Jesus had a lot to say to His disciples in the weeks before His death and resurrection.

A time is coming and in fact has come when you will be scattered, each to your own home. You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me. I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

John 16:32-33 NIV

Jesus knew that even His closest followers would be disturbed by his capture and crucifixion. They lost it and deserted Jesus. But, He prepared them well by explaining everything ahead of time. More importantly, He sent the Great Comforter in His place.

What can you do when you feel stressed beyond your limits? If you don’t manage your feelings well, you’ll end up reaping destruction. If stress isn’t addressed in a healthy way, the stress stays on you and in you. Then your body can end up bearing the cost of the stress. Or, you can hurt others out of your anger.

Any extreme response to difficulty doesn’t help much and usually makes the situation worse. The extremes I’m talking about are either:

  1. Denial of the problem which requires complete isolation from the problem. This is over-compartmentalized.
  2. Over-reaction to the problem which inevitably involves retaliation instead of reconciliation. This is under-compartmentalized.

Both options miss the best approach which is to face the problem and embrace the problem at the right time and under the right circumstances. When people reconcile they can’t get everything they want. Most people would choose to erase the harm if that were possible. Since it isn’t, there has to be a way to work through it. The working through it involves both:

  1. Letting go of what has already happened. It can’t be changed. What’s done is done. This usually involves a lot of sadness.
  2. Taking steps forward to make needed changes that are reasonable for all involved. This might involve some anger. But it needs to be anger that motivates positive change.

Are you feeling overwhelmed? When I’m counseling others, I like to assign exercises that help people find the most direct way to grow emotionally and spiritually. Here is an exercise to try:

  1. Think of a concern you have.
  2. Now imagine a box big enough to hold it. Put your concern in the box. Close it up and label it with a description.
  3. Think about what remains. If you’re still concerned about something, go to step 1. If you sense everything is boxed up, move to step 4.
  4. Thank God you made it to step 4. Seriously! If you made it this far, then for the moment your life has some sanity.
  5. Ask yourself what is left. If your concerns are put aside, there’s probably some good things left. Thank God for the good things.
  6. Ask God to take the boxes for safe keeping. He might destroy some boxes. Others He will hand back to you at the right time so you can work through your healing. Then, at other times, God will give you a box of blessings.
  7. Acknowledge that God is in control. Approach the boxes of concern at a pace you can handle.

Hopefully, when you finished boxing up your concerns, you found the truth remaining. You are significant and loved.

How does it feel to have your concerns separated from the truth of who you are? Problems put into perspective aren’t as big as we imagine them to be. That’s because God is bigger than any problem you can imagine. God doesn’t fit in any box, but there’s always a box big enough for your concern.

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How To Know When To Say No

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You might be more of a people pleaser than you realize. When you are presented with a decision, how often do you discount your opinion with something like, “I can go either way” or “It doesn’t matter to me; you pick”? Or, maybe you disregard your opinion with a “Yes” without considering what you want.

Certainly, there will be times when you are indifferent. Even during these times, it’s nearly always a good idea to know what you want, even if you give up what you want for someone else.

A quick response of indifference might involve the least amount of effort, but it can cost you significantly more later on. Instead, what if you invested the time to know what you want?

The less you know yourself, the harder it is to give a clear, direct answer to even a simple question. When you know yourself well, your answer will be second nature.

You might be wondering, “How do I get to know myself?” There are two main approaches to strengthening your self-image. You can remain reactive or go proactive.

  1. In reactive mode, you stumble through life and only give consideration to your ways when it becomes absolutely required of you (if ever).
  2. In proactive mode, you consider your ways every chance you get. You explore your past and use what you learn to better your future. You take advantage of the fact that God gives you truth about life, including details about who you are.

A step in-between the two modes is trial and error. You essentially try something blindly. Then perhaps as an afterthought, you evaluate the outcome. It’s not completely reactive or proactive.

The superior approach is having an awareness of who you are. Then during any given moment, you can proactively choose how to act based on what you know about yourself. God wants you to live a self-examined life (see Haggai 1).

Essential to every approach is what you do with your experiences. God gives you a process to discover your identity (who you are as defined by God). The goal is to increase the awareness of your identity so that decisions become easier over time.

If you have trouble people-pleasing or making good decisions, that’s usually because you don’t know yourself well enough. Learning who you are can occur “on accident,” but knowing yourself will take much longer that way.

Instead, take the time to evaluate your experiences and weed out the lies that are growing in the garden of your self-image. With the clutter of lies cleared away, you’ll know more clearly whether you want to say yes or no.

For example: if you don’t know who you are very well, then you might end up with an over-booked schedule. You’ll wonder why you are tired and irritable. If you continue to ignore your God-given identity, you’ll assume you are doing what God wants you to be doing because you are serving others.

In contrast, with healthy boundaries that come from a healthy identity, you’ll be confident about where to draw the line. You can say yes to some activities and no to others without feeling guilty or overwhelmed.

Some things God requires of you. You should feel motivated to do right and not wrong. But actually, most things are up to you. God loves a cheerful giver (2 Corinthians 9:7). You can decide to go for a walk or stay home. You can decide to visit a friend or be by yourself. For these decisions, you must trust that God gives you enough intelligence to choose.

You can know what to choose by determining what level of self-care you need at any given moment. Then weigh that against the needs of others around you.

You might be surprised at your preferences when you discover them, but they are never a surprise to God. God knows what you will choose before you choose it. Trust that God gave you a built-in preference system–that’s your identity.

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Are You Addicted to God?

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What is your ‘why’ that drives you out of bed every morning? If you’re relying on something other than God and His calling, you’re missing out on God’s best.

I spent the first twenty years of my life on the outside looking for some sense of meaning. I was desperate to find something more powerful than the emptiness of day-to-day life. When I became a Christian at twenty, I finally found my answer.

You can do better than what the world has to offer. You can start each day with motivation that originates from deep within you.

You can do better than caffeine

Caffeine stimulates, but it doesn’t connect you to your Creator.

Everyone has a purpose. Some people are aware of their calling. But too few invest the continuous effort required to reject the lies the world offers and grow into their God-given identity. Play the long game.

Playing the long game means looking at life with long-range vision. What is happening today is never the end, but only the beginning. Each day has its purpose but also builds towards a bigger plan tomorrow.

You can do better than boring

Life is boring without God. But God’s plan unfolds in new ways every second of the day.

God didn’t waste a second of Jesus’s life. He had a purpose and a strategy for everything He accomplished. Jesus lived up to His identity and fulfilled His deepest longing. Now He calls you to find your passion and advance God’s kingdom.

To advance God’s kingdom, you must be connected to Jesus. Apart from Him, you can’t accomplish anything of spiritual worth (John 15:5). When you are enlightened by God’s Spirit, you have the power to advance God’s purposes.

You can do better than random

Life is mysterious. God doesn’t reveal everything about His plans, but He wants you to seek and find spiritual insight.

God knew you before you were born. You have a destiny to pursue. Your identity doesn’t change, but how you see yourself changes over your lifetime. Pursue your identity and enjoy abundant life.

Abundant life comes from participating with God in His work. You can’t have life to the fullest without participating in spiritual growth. God’s plan for your life involves your spiritual growth and helping others with their spiritual growth.

You can do better than worrying

Short-term solutions provide a false hope. Then, you’re back to worrying about where to find your next fix.

God is the perfect fit for the receptors in your brain. He’s better than drugs or medicine. When you’re connected to Him, you experience a transcendent peace. God wired you to connect with Him.

Don’t be afraid to ask God to speak encouragement to you. I don’t always feel great about life. There are plenty of distractions. When you feel discouraged, that’s a perfect time to revisit your ‘why’. Ask God why you should continue when life isn’t going the way you hoped it would.

You can have passion for living and become unstoppable

Being addicted to God means you have at least tasted that God is good (Psalm 34:8). Life can be challenging. You won’t be able to do everything right all the time. But in your heart you know you can return to God’s goodness. Once you’ve tasted God, you realize nothing else comes close to satisfying like He does.

Are you waking up to who God is? Can you see His reality?

You are unstoppable because you have access to God at all times. God’s kingdom is real and your participation counts.

Tomorrow morning when you wake up, think about what motivates you to keep doing what you need to do. Can you sense what is at stake if you give up?

Many things satisfy earthy desires. These aren’t necessarily wrong. But…

You can do better.

God, awaken our spiritual senses to You. Reveal more of who you are. Help us not forget there’s more to this life than we can see.

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