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Understanding: The Struggle To Find Peace

Understanding: The Struggle To Find Peace

March 16, 2019 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

Is Understanding a Blessing or a Curse?

What is normal can often go unnoticed. Like the hum of a refrigerator or the weight of the air, our internal state becomes the background noise of our lives. When you are in a season of hardship, your thoughts often switch to autopilot. You spend your days—and often your nights—investing every ounce of your brain’s computing power into analyzing the confusion and sadness you’re going through.

You’ve dedicated your full computing power to solving the puzzle of your life. But what if all that mental effort is actually unnecessary? What if there is a simpler solution than “figuring it out”? Here is a perspective shift that might feel like cold water on a tired face: your efforts to understand every “why” might actually be the thing keeping you from finding peace in the middle of a struggle.

Stop Leaning on Your Own Understanding

We often believe that if we can just solve the mystery of our circumstances, the anxiety will stop. We think that “Knowledge = Peace.” However, your perspective on your current situation is likely missing critical pieces of data. God has those missing pieces, and He often holds them until the moment they are actually required.

Proverbs 3:5 famously instructs: “Lean not on your own understanding.” Yet, just a few verses later, Proverbs 3:13 encourages: “Get understanding.” At first glance, this feels like a contradiction. Is understanding a virtue or a trap?

The distinction lies in the source. God isn’t telling you to avoid all logic or wisdom; He is saying that your limited perspective can become a cage. You gain His understanding as—or often after—you walk in faith. Real insight is rarely found in the heat of the moment; it is a gift that often arrives in hindsight, once you have moved through the difficulty.

Accepting the Struggle As Is: A Pathway to Peace

Most people are familiar with the Serenity Prayer, but we often treat it like a greeting card sentiment rather than a survival manual. To find peace in the middle of a struggle, we have to look closer at the wisdom Reinhold Niebuhr penned:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

This shortened version is about setting firm boundaries for your understanding. It’s about recognizing which parts of your life are already fixed by time or circumstance and which parts are open to your agency. If you are using your energy trying to change a reality that is beyond your control, you are depleting the very resources you need to survive today.

The full version of the prayer takes it deeper:

Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardship as a pathway to peace; taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will; so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next. Amen.

Peace isn’t found by rearranging the world so it matches your desires; it’s found by accepting the world “as it is” and trusting in a sovereign God who is already at the destination. For more on how to manage the mental clutter that prevents this kind of surrender, you can explore my guide on overcoming identity clutter.

Understanding The Problem

When you are overwhelmed, your brain asks: “How do I fix this?” But that might be the wrong question. If you are afraid, do you know what you’re really afraid of?

Often, we aren’t afraid of the problem itself; we are afraid of the uncertainty that comes with it. We are afraid that if we don’t understand the plan, then there is no plan. We treat our lives like a high-stakes gamble that could go wrong at any moment. But for the traveler who belongs to God, the end of the story is already written, and it is good.

To find peace in the middle of a struggle, you must stop trying to engineer the outcome and start listening for the quiet prompts of the Spirit in the present. Are you treating your history as a list of failures, or as a library of lessons? When you realize that your past has equipped you and your future is secure, the pressure of the present moment begins to lift.

Finding Peace Beyond Understanding

You don’t need life to make sense to have peace. You just need to be quiet enough to recognize the next step. God’s map for your life is already drawn, and the light is already hitting the path. You don’t have to create the light; you just have to stop closing your eyes to it by obsessing over your own limited understanding.

If you feel like you’re losing your way, remember that you are never truly adrift. You are simply in a high-pressure middle ground where your true self—the one that exists apart from your mistakes or your fears—is being revealed. Take a breath. Stop the autopilot thoughts. Surrender the need to know “Why,” and ask God for the “What now?”

The path forward isn’t a secret code you have to crack; it is the natural result of standing on the solid ground of your faith while keeping your eyes on the promise of restoration.

Task for Today: Identify one thing today that you have been trying to “analyze” to death. Practice accepting what you cannot change and ask God for the peace that surpasses your current ability to understand.

Image created by Matt using Gemini.
Last updated: 20260412

Filed Under: Identity in Christ, Emotional Honesty, Healing in Christ, Self-Care Tagged With: anxiety, despair, serenity, worry

Transforming Panic into Peace

May 4, 2019 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

Would you rather panic for no reason or face your known, but shameful experiences? If you refuse to face your experiences, you will probably end up with increasing anxiety. But if you choose to face your negative experiences, you can transform them into God moments.

When you push specific emotions out of your awareness, they will eventually resurface as some unnamed but equally uncomfortable emotion. You might experience some relief if you don’t have to name the feeling. But unnamed feelings only increase in intensity until you deal with them. The feelings associated with negative experiences are like an undetected virus that moves freely through your body.

Chances are, when you don’t have the stomach to face the reality of what you have been through, you will avoid naming and claiming your emotions. Who would want to remember being beat up at school, being sexually assaulted, or being yelled at by parents?

Trauma disorganizes and it takes significant effort to restore order. Facing the sickening emotions can drain most of your reserves. But that effort produces healing.

God designed you to respond to the difficulties of life. Whether you like it or not, God made you able to feel the pain of your negative experiences. God declares a law of reaping and sowing (Galatians 6:7-8). You’ll reap what others sow if you are powerless to step out of harm’s way.

You can't control what happened to you, but you can control how you respond. The longer you avoid dealing with emotional unrest, the more time you give it to establish a stronghold of chaos. Share on X

Has the chaos within become normal to you? Have you forgotten or never known what peace feels like?

During the first few years after I became a Christian, I journaled almost every day. Becoming a Christian enabled me to look back at my first twenty years and realize how much I didn’t understand. I processed through my experiences with new insight. As I connected life events, I also connected with emotions that I didn’t know I had.

Becoming a Christian felt like waking up from a bad dream. I was thankful I wasn’t stuck in the former reality. But at the same time, I had to face the reality of all I had experienced.

Today, I don’t need to process the distant past as frequently, but I’m always learning something new and working to have it make sense with my personal history.

This kind of processing is like decompressing after a long day. What would happen if I didn’t take the time to express everything? What do you call energy that is building up in a closed system? A bomb!

Do you realize when you hold in emotions that God intended you to release, you create a ticking time bomb? The pressure starts building and a date with destiny is set. When time runs out and the bomb goes off, there will be personal and collateral damage.

There are only so many ways you can manage uncomfortable emotions. You can Numb Out, Burn Out, or Ride Out.

Numb Out

Numbing out means you shut down your emotions. You cut the power; you trip the circuit breaker. Your brain circuits are overloaded and you are fortunate your automatic shut down is working.

This averts the immediate disaster. You dodge the bullet; you avoid feeling the crushing weight of what happened. You gain some immediate relief, but also more than you bargain for: some long-term problems.

Burn Out

In the midst of re-experiencing an overwhelming event, you are unable to find the automatic off switch. The intensity of your emotions continues to grow. The pain and panic become so unbearable that you must look for a way to force the shut down.

You might start cutting yourself. Or drinking a lot. Or end up in the emergency room because you think you’re having a heart attack.

Ride Out

You endure the waves of painful emotion without going in critical overload. If you’ve been through trauma, this is easier said than done. But it’s possible.

Riding out is a commitment to re-engaging your emotions while learning how to manage them so they don’t create a new trauma. When you can’t manage this without going critical, that’s when you need support.

What happens when a newborn baby cries? The baby is expressing discomfort about a situation that she can’t control. She is hungry, has a messy diaper, or needs sleep.

God didn’t provide newborns with the brain wiring to self-sooth. If no one addresses the problem and no one soothes her, she must eventually choose to Numb Out.

Because of the severity of the trauma you’ve been through, you could be in a situation like the newborn. You don’t have enough practice to calm yourself down, so you need to borrow the support of others. You need a surrogate mom to help you soothe.

With the right amount of support, the energy from the waves of emotion will die down eventually. With the tension gone, you experience peace instead of panic.

Choosing to Ride Out by facing dreaded emotions is an act of bravery. Remember, you reap what you sow. If you confront your past, you can move beyond it.

How much time do you spend in Numb Out, Burn Out, or Ride Out? Why is that?

What questions do you have about facing unpleasant emotions?

Are you ready to gain more peace? Tell God you are ready to face and then embrace your emotional pain. Ask Him for insight into your suffering. Allow Him to guide you on the journey to greater emotional wholeness.

Image by Ryan McGuire from Pixabay

Filed Under: Abuse and Neglect, Healing in Christ Tagged With: anxiety, dissociate, numb, panic

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