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Reframe Your Life From Ugly To Beautiful

Reframe Your Life From Ugly To Beautiful

June 21, 2020 by Matt Pavlik 1 Comment

Reading time: 4 minutes

An ugly frame can detract from an otherwise beautiful picture. If so, it makes sense to reframe the picture.

Why do pictures have frames? A good frame enhances the picture by making sure it’s presented in the best possible way. The best frame will help a viewer see the picture at its fullest potential.

What frames your life? What do you use to make sense of it? An erroneous belief system can cancel out a person’s otherwise healthy life. If you don’t have anything in particular to guide you in life, there’s a better chance than not that drift away from God’s intentions.

Jesus is the master reframer of life.

When to Reframe the Present with the Future

How do Christians benefit from knowing God? Are there benefits in the short-term and long-term, only one, or neither? As Christians, we might know the fact of eternal life (a long-term benefit) but struggle to realize the present-day benefits. Short-term benefits are unpredictable. God acts to accomplish His purposes, which might or might not include what will make your life easier.

Let’s look at the story of Lazarus as an example.

Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. Yet even now I know that God will do anything you ask.” Jesus told her, “Your brother will live again!” Martha answered, “I know that he will be raised to life on the last day, when all the dead are raised.”

Jesus then said, “I am the one who raises the dead to life! Everyone who has faith in me will live, even if they die. And everyone who lives because of faith in me will never really die. Do you believe this?” “Yes, Lord!” she replied. “I believe that you are Christ, the Son of God. You are the one we hoped would come into the world.”

John 11:21-27 CEV

Martha knew enough about Jesus to know He can do great things and God will answer all He asks. But she assumed that Jesus was being positive only about the future, not the present. She understood death to be irreversible. If Jesus had decided to not resurrect Lazarus, the lesson would be that when God does not correct a wrong or a loss, the future hope we have is a beautiful reframe for the present.

When to Reframe the Future with the Present

Jesus could see more than Martha. He used His understanding to gently reframe the situation for Martha. That’s the way it is for all of us. God sees more. He’ll always see more than we do. That’s why it’s good for us to believe Him and trust Him.

When Jesus saw that Mary and the people with her were crying, he was terribly upset and asked, “Where have you put his body?” They replied, “Lord, come and you will see.” Jesus started crying, and the people said, “See how much he loved Lazarus.”

John 11:33-35 CEV

Isn’t it amazing how much Jesus connects with the people in His life? He knows what God wants. He knows He’s going to resurrect Lazarus. And, He’s so fully in tune with how Mary and Martha feel about their brother that He weeps with them. This time God’s will leads to a better present for the friends of Lazarus. God is glorified.

Jesus looked up toward heaven and prayed, “Father, I thank you for answering my prayer. I know that you always answer my prayers. But I said this, so that the people here would believe that you sent me.” When Jesus had finished praying, he shouted, “Lazarus, come out!” The man who had been dead came out.

John 11:41-44 CEV

Jesus chooses to perform a miracle to demonstrate the truth that He transcends death because He is life. When God chooses to intervene in your life it’s also to help you see the truth. It’s okay to receive His encouragement. You can allow a positive experience to increase your faith that God is good and eternal life is real.

What do you have in your life that would benefit from being reframed? Share it with Jesus; tell Him your concerns. Tell Him how much faith you have in Him. Then, look for Jesus to frame your life in a way that goes beyond your expectations.

Give your life situation over to God. Ask Him to reframe you with Him and His truth. Be ready for a positive interpretation that exceeds your best interpretation. God loves you more than you realize.

Learn more about life perspectives.
Image by Dung Tran from Pixabay
Last updated June 11, 2023

Filed Under: Identity, Boundaries, Counseling, Emotional Honesty Tagged With: optimistic, pessimistic

Box Your Concerns And Give Them To God

June 14, 2020 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

Reading time: 3 minutes

The last few months have been especially stressful because of the various global crises we are all facing. In addition, each of us has our personal struggles. It’s overwhelming.

As Christians, we live between the truth that we will have trouble in this life and the truth that God comforts us during our struggles. Jesus had a lot to say to His disciples in the weeks before His death and resurrection.

A time is coming and in fact has come when you will be scattered, each to your own home. You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me. I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

John 16:32-33 NIV

Jesus knew that even His closest followers would be disturbed by his capture and crucifixion. They lost it and deserted Jesus. But, He prepared them well by explaining everything ahead of time. More importantly, He sent the Great Comforter in His place.

What can you do when you feel stressed beyond your limits? If you don’t manage your feelings well, you’ll end up reaping destruction. If stress isn’t addressed in a healthy way, the stress stays on you and in you. Then your body can end up bearing the cost of the stress. Or, you can hurt others out of your anger.

Any extreme response to difficulty doesn’t help much and usually makes the situation worse. The extremes I’m talking about are either:

  1. Denial of the problem which requires complete isolation from the problem. This is over-compartmentalized.
  2. Over-reaction to the problem which inevitably involves retaliation instead of reconciliation. This is under-compartmentalized.

Both options miss the best approach which is to face the problem and embrace the problem at the right time and under the right circumstances. When people reconcile they can’t get everything they want. Most people would choose to erase the harm if that were possible. Since it isn’t, there has to be a way to work through it. The working through it involves both:

  1. Letting go of what has already happened. It can’t be changed. What’s done is done. This usually involves a lot of sadness.
  2. Taking steps forward to make needed changes that are reasonable for all involved. This might involve some anger. But it needs to be anger that motivates positive change.

Are you feeling overwhelmed? When I’m counseling others, I like to assign exercises that help people find the most direct way to grow emotionally and spiritually. Here is an exercise to try:

  1. Think of a concern you have.
  2. Now imagine a box big enough to hold it. Put your concern in the box. Close it up and label it with a description.
  3. Think about what remains. If you’re still concerned about something, go to step 1. If you sense everything is boxed up, move to step 4.
  4. Thank God you made it to step 4. Seriously! If you made it this far, then for the moment your life has some sanity.
  5. Ask yourself what is left. If your concerns are put aside, there’s probably some good things left. Thank God for the good things.
  6. Ask God to take the boxes for safe keeping. He might destroy some boxes. Others He will hand back to you at the right time so you can work through your healing. Then, at other times, God will give you a box of blessings.
  7. Acknowledge that God is in control. Approach the boxes of concern at a pace you can handle.

Hopefully, when you finished boxing up your concerns, you found the truth remaining. You are significant and loved.

How does it feel to have your concerns separated from the truth of who you are? Problems put into perspective aren’t as big as we imagine them to be. That’s because God is bigger than any problem you can imagine. God doesn’t fit in any box, but there’s always a box big enough for your concern.

Photo from: https://pxhere.com/en/photo/597668

Filed Under: Core Longings, Healing, Self-Care, Spiritual Formation Tagged With: change, Forgiveness, justice, suffering

Complete Character, Confidence, and Commitment

Complete Character, Confidence, and Commitment

June 7, 2020 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

Reading time: 3 minutes

Journeying through life without character is like navigating a boat without a rudder. You are moving but direction and destination will be determined by the current. Character results from the convictions of the truth that you have learned. If you haven’t learned well you will lack wisdom. Wisdom provides the opportunity to steer. Wisdom provides sure footing.

You’ve probably heard the saying, “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will take you there.” If you’re not aware of your heart motives, you likely feel lost and confused. Life is the journey of making discoveries about who God is and who you are. The more you know who you are, the more responsible you are for your actions.

Priorities Reveal Character

Taking a look at how you spend your time will reveal your commitments. But there is even more you can find if you look deeper. How do you feel about your priorities? Prideful? Fearful? Content? Do they align with your character?

Even more interesting than your feelings is contemplating why. Why are you focused on certain things over others? Your commitment reveals your values but your values reveal your deepest longings, the motivations of your heart.

For your heart will always pursue what you value as your treasure.

Matthew 6:21 TPT

What do you treasure the most based on your priorities? While there may be some changes you will want to make, you might also discover some positives. Your priorities likely align with your personality. God wants you to be able to enjoy life and pursue His priorities.

Building Character is God’s Work in You

God is working to bring you to completion. He created you and He’s working to consummate His work. To do this, He builds your character, which builds your confidence. Understanding who you are is a prerequisite to accomplishing His plan for your life.

God is the one who began this good work in you, and I am certain that he won’t stop before it is complete on the day that Christ Jesus returns.

Philippians 1:6 CEV

The more you know who you are, the more you can commit to accomplishing a great work for God. This means increased efficiency in reaching your destination. There will be fewer distractions and second-guessing.

Sowing Character Reaps Spiritual Progress

When you are locked onto a target and committed to seeing God’s priorities through to the end, that’s when you maximize your potential. Maximum potential leads to maximum results (eventually). Whatever you commit yourself to is the exact area in which you will increase, grow, and achieve.

Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant.

Galatians 6:7 NLT

God sending Jesus in human form to sacrifice Himself for our benefit is the ultimate expression of commitment. God proved He is willing to play by the same rules He’s given us. He didn’t take a “short-cut” path to victory. He proved He can walk the talk. He’s better than any of us and therefore makes the perfect example.

What things in life matter most to you? What are you truly committed to? If you don’t like what you discover, if you aren’t committed to the right things, then as you gain a greater understanding of who you are, rededicate your efforts to what matters most.

How are you feeling right now? If you find feelings of inadequacy or guilt because you aren’t doing enough of the right things for God, that’s the wrong direction. I want you to see the power of commitment. I want you to see the strength and peace when you stay focused on the truth. God means for corrections to your travels to be a hopeful experience.

The scenic route isn’t often the easiest route, but it is the most beautiful and it will be the one that will get you to where God wants you to be. Ask God to build your character, then your confidence, and then be prepared to commit to advancing God’s plans.

Learn more about personality and character.
Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay
Last updated 2024/01/28

Filed Under: God's Kingdom, Core Longings Tagged With: attitude, heart

How To Make Trusting God Easier

How To Make Trusting God Easier

May 31, 2020 by Matt Pavlik 6 Comments

Reading time: 3 minutes

Are you trusting God more or less than you were yesterday? If you are trusting Him less than you used to, perhaps something has happened to cause you to give up on God. God promises you are not wasting your time when you seek Him, trust Him, and make your requests known to Him.

Trusting God throughout your day can be challenging because of distractions. Some distractions are positive and some are negative. Either way, consider how much you have increased your trust in God today. The best thing you can accomplish each day is to end it by trusting God a little more.

Strengthening your faith requires an intentional effort to cleanse negative memories with God’s truth. If you want to trust God more, you must apply biblical truth to infected memories. Infected memories cause you to doubt God’s character.

Trust God Because He Knows Everything

In Isaiah 46, God says much about who He is and what He likes to do. God promises He will act. He isn’t a worthless idol. God doesn’t forget about you. He knows your future, so of course, He knows your past. He’s been attending to you since even before you were born.

I have cared for you since you were born. Yes, I carried you before you were born.

Isaiah 46:3 NLT

Trust God Because He Keeps You Safe

But that’s not all. God proclaims that He will care for you and carry you throughout your future.

I will be your God throughout your lifetime—until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you.

Isaiah 46:4 NLT

If you put your trust in something other than God, you will be disappointed. But God cares about you enough to rescue you from trouble.

[An idol] can’t even move! And when someone prays to it, there is no answer. It can’t rescue anyone from trouble.

Isaiah 46:7 NLT

God has already rescued you and is more than capable of keeping you safe.

Trust God Because He is in Control

God is in complete control of the past, present, and future. Only God can make such bold statements as these:

Remember the things I have done in the past. For I alone am God! I am God, and there is none like me. Only I can tell you the future before it even happens. Everything I plan will come to pass, for I do whatever I wish.

Isaiah 46:9-10 NLT

God can and will do whatever He wants. For those who are friends of God, this should provide increased comfort and trust. For those who are yet enemies of God, this is likely scary and irritating. I remember the emptiness I felt when I was unable to understand who God is.

Memories Can Help You Trust God

If you are a believer, then you must have some positive memories. At the very least, God has done a work in your life to cause you to cross over from death to life. Can you remember what that felt like? I remember how uplifting and hopeful I felt when I first believed.

Remembering what God has done in your life is a source of spiritual strength. When you recall the ways God has touched your life, it helps you trust Him with current life challenges. When God breaks into your life, that’s God building trust with you. Use it for all it’s worth to make your faith solid.

As you focus on the positive, be equally willing to revisit the negative memories. These significant life events desperately need to be considered in light of the truth you now know. Learn details of how to cleanse hurtful memories so you can trust God more.

God is real. Let’s pray with anticipation of the good things He will do. No matter what is happening around us, God is still good and in control.

Photo from pxhere
Last Updated 2024/09/22

Filed Under: Eternal Security, Core Longings, Identity, Spiritual Formation Tagged With: faith, fear, hope, trust

Remember Your Past For A Healthy Present

Remember Your Past For A Healthy Present

May 24, 2020 by Matt Pavlik 2 Comments

Reading time: 3 minutes

How does remembering your past help you today? Think of re-membering as bringing scattered parts of your life together. It’s like gathering the parts of a jigsaw puzzle and assembling them where they belong.

God wants you to see the whole picture of who you are. Have you ever worked on a puzzle only to get to the end and realize some pieces are missing? It’s frustrating because it feels so incomplete.

I’m fascinated by my past. I’m not thinking of historical facts. I mean my psychological and emotional journey. Memories are important because they are the key to setting a person free from being trapped in the past.

You can’t change what has happened to you but you can change its meaning. You decided how much a particular memory has the power to define who you are. They answer the question: How did I get to where I am today?

How you first experience something has long-lasting implications. Your journey is, in many ways, a series of first-time experiences. To put the pieces of your life together, you must revisit your first-time experiences to create follow-on experiences. Healing can be both strengthening the positive memories and weakening the negative ones.

Questions to Help You Remember

Your relationship with your childhood memories can tell you a lot about yourself. Here are some questions you can use to explore your emotional health:

  • How do you feel about your childhood?
  • Do you feel like you are still a child?
  • Do you feel like you are stuck in your childhood?
  • Do you feel extremely distant from childhood, almost like it was another lifetime?
  • Does childhood feel real to you or more like a fantasy?
  • Does childhood seem unimportant or highly relevant to you?
  • Do you remember a lot or a little?
  • How much was childhood the same or different every day?
  • What positive memories come to mind?
  • What negative memories come to mind?

Did you skim through these questions or pause on each one and give a real, in-depth answer? Are you willing to embrace your childhood or do you think you’d be happier if you never thought about it again?

Even if you considered only one of the questions, you’ve got a taste of what it’s like to move toward emotional health. You dipped your toe in the water. If you considered more than one, you might feel overwhelmed as you swim in a pool of emotional memories.

As I said, memories are fascinating. They aren’t part of who you are. Yet, in another way, they are part of you. You’re not five years old anymore. But you might feel five years old sometimes.

Remember the Past, Compare it with the Present, and Plan the Future

Here are a few more questions for you to consider: In what ways do you feel the same, today, as you did when you were a young child? In what ways are you the same? In what ways are you different?

Life can lead you away from being in touch with who you are. The pressures, demands, and trauma open a chasm between your performance and who you are. It’s possible to become so familiar with present-day performance (life responsibilities) that you forget what it’s like to enjoy life on your terms.

Here are three more questions that should help you “pull yourself together.” What day would you most like to relive? What makes life worth living today? Now, what new day do you imagine you would like to live in the near future?

In answering all these questions, look for two things. First, look for any infections: emotional wounds that haven’t fully healed. Second, look for peak experiences: emotional highs that give you energy.

If you’d like more practice at developing follow-on experiences, then you should try a book from my Journal Your Way series.

More about the benefits of exploring your past.
Image by Nato Pereira from Pixabay
Last updated 2022/12/11

Filed Under: Emotional Honesty, Abuse and Neglect, Boundaries, Healing, Identity, Self-Care, Self-Image Tagged With: self-worth, shame

Your Struggle Is Related To Childhood

Your Struggle Is Related to Childhood

May 17, 2020 by Matt Pavlik 1 Comment

Reading time: 3 minutes

Struggles come in all shapes and sizes. You can struggle physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually. Physical struggles are related to health and endurance. Mental struggles are about grasping concepts and reality. Emotional struggles are a focus on the intensity of pain caused by the negatives of life (loss resulting from sin). Spiritual struggles involve the ability to discern the truth from falsehood.

All struggles are likely related to childhood events because people are most vulnerable then. Even though we struggle, spiritual rebirth allows believers to love God will all aspects of their being.

And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment.”

Matthew 22:37-38 ESV

Optical Illusions Are a Perceptional Struggle

Optical illusions are fun. They work because of assumptions about reality. To some degree, you will perceive what you want to perceive. Sometimes that aligns with reality and sometimes it doesn’t. Either way, after you see past the illusion, it’s difficult to be tricked again.

Your consciousness is similar to an optical illusion. You have meaningful events buried beneath the surface of awareness. The significant events are rich with life lessons and strong feelings. As you intentionally uncover the significance of your history, it becomes harder to ignore unless you are determined to avoid it.

Becoming in touch with your uncomfortable memories promotes healing. This can seem counter-intuitive until you realize that to not be in touch with your history is to be in denial. What is distressing tends to stay buried unless you are determined to be healthy.

Jesus Calls Those Who Struggle

As you probably know, there is a tension between wanting everything just to be okay and admitting everything isn’t okay.

Jesus answered them, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners and need to repent.”

Luke 5:31-32 NLT

Many of your childhood struggles continue to play out in your everyday interactions. You just don’t realize it unless you look intentionally. Without some prompting, it’s easy to leave pain buried. You might think you are better off leaving sleeping giants undisturbed.

A decade or two isn’t enough time to fully resolve life’s challenges. Chances are, whatever you struggled with as a child, you still struggle with today. Ideally, you struggle with it to a lesser degree. But there’s no shame in noticing you continue to struggle. It is possible to both make significant progress and realize you are essentially the same person you were as a child.

Feelings Reveal The Real Struggle

Everyone has to overcome their fear of inadequacy if they want to grow. Don’t be surprised and discouraged when you experience some of the same feelings you had during your younger years. Instead, see this as a positive sign that you are strong enough to look clearly at how you are responding to life.

How you respond reveals a lot about yourself that you need to know if you want to continue healing. This works for both positive and negative emotions.

Positive emotions can tell you what you’ll naturally be drawn to. They can get you into a trap just as easily as negative ones if you’re not vigilant. For example, people who notice they feel great when they win might be tempted to gamble for a chance to win big.

Negative emotions tell you what you want to avoid. They become a trap when they take center stage. For example, people who fear competition might become so consumed with failure, that they avoid trying.

Spend time noticing what makes you exceptionally happy, sad, angry, or anxious. Then make connections with your earlier experiences. What themes do you see? Your consistency over time likely defines your personality.

Learn more about exploring childhood to be healthy.
The picture that goes with today’s post contains an optical illusion. I found it on the internet. Apparently, it was popular around 2014.

Filed Under: Identity, Healing, Self-Care, Self-Image

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