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For A Better Relationship, Breathe

For A Better Relationship, Breathe

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Reading time: 3 minutes

Do your relationships ever feel suffocating or isolating? If you’ve been a Christian for some time, you might be familiar with a common saying: “God doesn’t move; if you feel distant, then it’s not Him who’s changed.” In our spiritual journey, we can draw closer to God or allow distance through our decisions and distractions. When you sense that warmth fading, it is often a signal from within that prompts you to examine your priorities and habits.

Staying connected with God is not a passive experience. Just as in any meaningful relationship, maintaining closeness with the Lord requires intentionality—through consistent prayer, meditation on Scripture, and accountability with fellow believers. When neglect sets in, a slow retreat unfolds, not because God has moved away, but because our hearts have drifted into routine and distraction. Recognizing this pattern is the first step toward re-establishing that connection.

Deepening Our Relationship with God

In this light, consider the wisdom of Ecclesiastes 3:1:

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens

Ecclesiastes 3:1 NIV

This verse reminds us that both intimacy and periods of thoughtful reprieve are part of God’s plan. It calls us to honor the natural rhythm in our lives—balancing moments of devoted togetherness with intentional times for personal reflection and growth in our walk with the Lord.

Balancing Intimacy and Independence in Relationships

Similarly, the dynamics within our interpersonal relationships follow a rhythm that can be understood through the simple act of breathing. In marriage and close friendships, “breathing in” symbolizes times when you intentionally come together with your spouse to share, to pray, and to connect over heartfelt conversation that reinforces your mutual values. This period of closeness deepens intimacy by keeping your shared spiritual and emotional foundation strong.

On the other hand, “breathing out” does not mean discarding what is good. Instead, it means carving out time for fulfilling, independent pursuits—whether that’s personal study, ministry work, or hobbies that honor your Christian values. This purposeful personal time is essential; it strengthens your individuality and personal faith, equipping you to return to the relationship with renewed purpose and clarity.

Consider a couple experiencing daily tension due to a lack of balance. They have grown so accustomed to constant interaction that personal space is nearly non-existent, resulting in feelings of resentment and a loss of personal identity. By establishing designated periods for couple-time—marked by prayer, conversation, and planning for the future—and respecting intervals for individual reflection, they discovered that their love was not only sustained but enriched. Their experience serves as a powerful reminder that when both aspects are respected, both the marital bond and personal faith can thrive.

When your relationship with God begins to feel strained, consider this breathing rhythm as a guide. Reflect on whether you’re allowing sufficient space for both shared worship and personal devotion. Sometimes, creating clear boundaries for quiet reflection or personal study can lead to a more profound reconnection when joining others in fellowship.

Likewise, examine your relationship with your spouse. Engage in heartfelt conversation about balancing togetherness with personal time. Whether it’s setting aside moments for shared Bible study or arranging personal time to pursue individual callings, this balance strengthens you both as individuals and as a couple.

If you’re facing challenges and finding it hard to rediscover this balance on your own, remember that professional Christian counseling is available. My books and counseling services offer further guidance based on Scripture and real-life experience for anyone seeking to restore closeness and harmony in their relationships.

A thriving relationship isn’t about relentless togetherness or constant isolation—it’s about discerning and respecting the rhythm of your life. By following God’s timing as echoed in Ecclesiastes 3:1, you can learn the art of breathing: drawing close after a time of disconnection, and moving toward fulfilling individual pursuits after togetherness. May you find strength in both union and introspection, knowing that each season is perfectly placed in God’s plan.

Learn about community and loneliness.
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Last updated 20250601

3 Reasons To Trust God Today

3 Reasons To Trust God Today

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Reading time: 3 minutes

Trust God today because of His faithful, unchanging love. God is not fickle; He does not change His mind but steadily works out what He has planned before the foundation of the world. Whatever He has planned will come to pass.

I know that you can do all things,
    and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.

Job 42:2 ESV

God accomplishes His plans but simultaneously cares about the details of your life.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

1 Peter 5:6-7 ESV

God wants us to be successful, although, our ideas of what this means are often different than God’s ideas. God is more concerned about His long-term goals. We can’t see that far out, so we tend to be more concerned about what is happening right now. That’s where trust becomes essential. If we are to give up our immediate happiness and keep a sense of peace, then we must trust God will work out everything for good.

Trust God Because He is Faithful and Supportive

Joshua 1 highlights God’s unchanging presence as well as defines success from God’s perspective. No matter what is happening, God will not abandon you. Of course, this chapter must be understood in context. It doesn’t mean God will grant you whatever you want. However, whatever God wants for your life, which is many good things, He is working to make it happen.

No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you.
Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do.

Joshua 1:5,8 NLT

God’s promises for success are conditional. We can’t do whatever we want and expect awesome results. We can’t choose sin and ongoing, willful disobedience and avoid God’s discipline and correction. “Will not abandon or fail” means God will work to conform you to His image.

God encourages us every step along the way during the fulfillment of His plans. This is true for His immediate plans in this life, and certainly for His plans for the next life.

Trust God Because He Died For You

If you are a believer, God has paid the price to save you from spiritual death. He demonstrated His commitment to you through His sacrificial death. God redeems His people, removing condemnation from their lives.

Calamity will surely destroy the wicked,
    and those who hate the righteous will be punished.
But the Lord will redeem those who serve him.
    No one who takes refuge in him will be condemned.

Psalm 34:21-22 NLT

If God was willing to die for you when you didn’t deserve it, He is beyond trustworthy. We owe Him our very lives. Given all that we gain from being His son or daughter, He expects relatively little from us.

Trust God Because He Has Room For You

God is not only faithful and sacrificial but also affectionate. He cares specifically about you. He doesn’t simply love you, He is in love with you. God doesn’t love from a distance; He loves up close. You are constantly in His awareness. People have limited awareness, but God can stay focused on as many things as He wants.

Yet Jerusalem says, “The Lord has deserted us;
    the Lord has forgotten us.”
“Never! Can a mother forget her nursing child?
    Can she feel no love for the child she has borne?
But even if that were possible,
    I would not forget you!
See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands.
    Always in my mind is a picture of Jerusalem’s walls in ruins.

Isaiah 49:14-16 NLT

What does all this mean? God has room for you in His heart. Trust God because you have your own place in His heart.

Learn more about trusting God:
– more reasons to trust
– trusting God in relationships
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God Is Perfect

God Is Perfect

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Reading time: 4 minutes

Perfection is the highest quality of being which God has never needed to attain. He has always been perfect and always will be exceptional. How do you feel about God? Would you say your experiences lead you to conclude God is the standard of perfection? How much do you trust Him? Nothing is more important than your trust in God.

If there were one truth to rule them all it would be, “God is perfect.” The person who believes this has a strong, unstoppable faith. Try an experiment. Consider God as thoroughly perfect. Recognize how amazing He is. See Him for who He is. How much can you trust the God you envision? Has your hope increased?

When I think of God as perfect, it starts to correct my image of Him. I feel more positive toward Him and then I feel more hopeful. If you can’t believe He is perfect, you may feel discouraged because of difficult life events.

Is God Perfect?

Do you ever find yourself resisting the idea that God is perfect? It can be easy to doubt God is perfect. Globally, many difficult things have happened, are happening, and will continue to happen (in this life). It’s the “continue to happen” that makes it easy to doubt.

Can God be perfect if He allows bad things to continue to happen? This question causes many people to stumble in their faith. God has reasons for doing what He does that we might never completely understand.

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
    “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so my ways are higher than your ways
    and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9 NLT

If you seriously doubt God, you move into a place of judgment. Putting God on trial is the beginning of the end. Nothing good can come from distancing yourself from the only one who can help you. I discuss this and more in my book, To Identity and Beyond.

Until we are in heaven, life will continue to be a struggle. This life is all we know. What happens can have a profound effect on how you see God. Some evidence will support a loving God and others might not. We need to be able to consider God as perfect despite any negative evidence.

Regardless of how good or bad life seems, you have a powerful choice. Will you devote your allegiance to God or turn away from Him in discouragement or disgust? Will you align your spirit with His Spirit? If you refuse, you will experience some natural consequences. Consider what it would be like to be separated from God, your creator, who knows you from head to toe. It makes no sense to give up on God.

Believing God Has Faults Harms You

If God is perfect then failing to believe and act accordingly is harmful. All of us may experience a deterioration in our health to the degree we live like God is imperfect. That’s eye-opening!

Believing God is imperfect and then failing to trust Him carries with it consequences like:

  • Increased fear, anxiety, and worry
  • Increased need for control
  • Increased desire to be self-sufficient
  • Increased isolation and loneliness
  • Increased despair
  • Increased frustration and anger

Can it be any other way? If God had faults, how could we trust Him to keep His word 100% of the time? Perfection deserves our full trust.

But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
    They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
    They will walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:31 NLT

Meditate on God’s Perfection

Try an experiment this week. Remind yourself of God’s perfection. Whenever you set your mind on God, think about how perfect He is. Notice how you feel. If you feel negative, that’s probably an indicator of some spiritual work you need to do. If you feel more positive, notice how that changed for you. What changed? Trust God despite what happens and you will be blessed.

After you try this for a week, check on what insights you gained about God and yourself. Do you feel more peaceful and hopeful?

Learn more about the consequences of bad theology.
Last updated 2025/01/19

How To Make Trusting God Easier

How To Make Trusting God Easier

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Reading time: 3 minutes

Are you trusting God more or less than you were yesterday? If you are trusting Him less than you used to, perhaps something has happened to cause you to give up on God. God promises you are not wasting your time when you seek Him, trust Him, and make your requests known to Him.

Trusting God throughout your day can be challenging because of distractions. Some distractions are positive and some are negative. Either way, consider how much you have increased your trust in God today. The best thing you can accomplish each day is to end it by trusting God a little more.

Strengthen your faith requires an intentional effort to cleanse negative memories with God’s truth. If you want to trust God more, you must apply biblical truth to infected memories. Infected memories cause you to doubt God’s character.

Trust God Because He Knows Everything

In Isaiah 46, God says much about who He is and what He likes to do. God promises He will act. He isn’t a worthless idol. God doesn’t forget about you. He knows your future so of course, He knows your past. He’s been attending to you since even before you were born.

I have cared for you since you were born. Yes, I carried you before you were born.

Isaiah 46:3 NLT

Trust God Because He Keeps You Safe

But that’s not all. God proclaims that He will care for you and carry you throughout your future.

I will be your God throughout your lifetime—until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you.

Isaiah 46:4 NLT

If you put your trust in something other than God, you will be disappointed. But God cares about you enough to rescue you from trouble.

[An idol] can’t even move! And when someone prays to it, there is no answer. It can’t rescue anyone from trouble.

Isaiah 46:7 NLT

God has already rescued you and is more than capable of keeping you safe.

Trust God Because He is in Control

God is in complete control of the past, present, and future. Only God can make such bold statements as these:

Remember the things I have done in the past. For I alone am God! I am God, and there is none like me. Only I can tell you the future before it even happens. Everything I plan will come to pass, for I do whatever I wish.

Isaiah 46:9-10 NLT

God can and will do whatever He wants. For those who are friends of God, this should provide increased comfort and trust. For those who are yet enemies of God, this is likely scary and irritating. I remember the emptiness I felt when I was unable to understand who God is.

Memories Can Help You Trust God

If you are a believer, then you must have some positive memories. At the very least, God has done a work in your life to cause you to cross over from death to life. Can you remember what that felt like? I remember how uplifting and hopeful I felt when I first believed.

Remembering what God has done in your life is a source of spiritual strength. When you recall the ways God has touched your life, it helps you trust Him with current life challenges. When God breaks into your life, that’s God building trust with you. Use it for all it’s worth to make your faith solid.

As you focus on the positive, be equally willing to revisit the negative memories. These significant life events desperately need to be considered in light of the truth you now know. Learn details of how to cleanse hurtful memories so you can trust God more.

God is real. Let’s pray with anticipation of the good things He will do. No matter what is happening around us, God is still good and in control.

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Last Updated 2024/09/22

Should Feelings Be Trusted Or Discounted?

Should Feelings Be Trusted Or Discounted?

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Feelings are God-given and helpful. They should always be considered and used to make decisions. But the way they are used makes all the difference. Feelings should always be acted upon, but discernment is necessary to know how to act. Do not ignore feelings, but do not consider them to have absolute authority either.

Impulsivity and Feelings Do Not Mix Well

One way to view feelings is as an impulse. An impulse is feedback gained over a very short period. Therefore, it can be highly unreliable. Doing something on impulse means taking action without first reflecting on its consequences. The result will be extremely variable. They could be disastrous, wonderful, or anywhere in between.

Impulse shopping often leads to buyer’s remorse. We’ve all been there. And there is a place and time to act impulsively–within predetermined limits, acting impulsively is how we have fun. It’s the lack of limitation that creates significant problems.

Imagine feeling incredibly sad, not knowing why, and acting in the first way that comes to mind. Our first instinct will be to act according to our conditioned response (habits). Unfortunately, that action is usually destructive rather than constructive. The result might mean feeling good at first but suffering even more later because of it.

Discernment and Feelings Are a Perfect Match

When should you trust your feelings? When should you not? God gave us feelings for a reason. But it’s up to us to learn how to use them for gain rather than loss.

To use a feeling for good, the first step is to identify what the feeling means. What is the feeling communicating about your condition? For example, if you are feeling sad, stop and figure out why before you act. There can be numerous reasons why you feel sad, each one having its optimal response.

Consider the following reasons and how your optimal response might be different for each one:

  • A loved one recently died.
  • You are lonely.
  • You recently went through a divorce.
  • Your favorite food is no longer being sold.
  • You are experiencing a hormonal imbalance.
  • You didn’t get enough sleep.
  • You lost a game, event, or race you expected to win.

Much better than returning to your dysfunctional coping of over-eating, you can use discernment to determine the root cause of your sadness.

Feelings Help People Make Better Decisions

It’s possible to experience negative feelings and use them to alter your direction in life. Think of your feelings like your ability to taste or smell. You don’t continue eating if the food tastes bad. But you can be glad you can taste spoiled food and stop eating.

Just because you feel like you want to steal something, doesn’t mean you should. But the urge to steal something should help you learn what you need emotionally. Perhaps you need to ask God for what you need more often.

Always consider how there could be a legitimate way to satisfy your feelings. You might feel hungry for junk food, but how about eating healthy food to satisfy your hunger instead?

Or, you might have a goal to lose weight to be healthy. Without a healthy option, the healthiest thing to do might be to not eat. You’ll feel unsatisfied, but you have a higher purpose in mind: enjoying being in shape.

You might feel angry like you want to get revenge. If you follow through with revenge, you’ll likely only create more problems for yourself and harm others. But feeling angry tells you that some changes are needed. You could recall the saying: fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

Emotions are an excellent catalyst for learning life lessons. Sometimes this means learning the truth, but at other times this means unlearning what is false.

Emotions are indicators that require interpretation. They aren’t a green light to act inappropriately. If you continue to act spontaneously on your feelings, then you’ll eventually find yourself someplace you’d rather not be. Wouldn’t it be helpful if we could taste the regret before we act?

When you have to make a decision that requires discernment (a decision that isn’t clearly right or wrong), your feelings can act more like faith, intuition, or gut instinct. Thank you God for this gift of discernment. Help us all to grow in wisdom by your Spirit.

Learn about loneliness.
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Last updated August 4, 2024.

Is Love A Choice

Is Love a Choice?

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Reading time: 3 minutes

God loves you. But what does this mean? God is love (1 John 4:16). So, God has to love. He can’t not love. Does He love out of obligation? Is His love involuntary?

We know God cares enough to die for us (John 3:16). He paid the price to redeem us. He is patient with us. He did what He had to do to keep us alive (spiritually).

To say love is a choice is to say that it is objective. You and I can show love despite how we feel about another person. If we only loved when we felt like it, our actions would only be motivated by how others treat us. But here I am talking about human love which can be fickle.

God’s agape is different. It always does right. It flows out of who God is. In that sense, it could be described as involuntary.

Love makes it impossible to harm another, so love fulfills all that the law requires.

Romans 13:10 TPT

Much of life is starkly unpredictable, so it’s nice that God doesn’t change His mind about loving us.

Is Love More Than a Choice?

When love is a choice, it’s a rational, steady, and dependable love. But there is more to it than that. Love as only a choice is incomplete. Love includes compassion, affection, and favor. Agape is motivated by feeling. But keep in mind that God’s feelings are pure, undefiled by any sin.

The Lord your God is in your midst,
    a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
    he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing.

Zephaniah 3:17 ESV

Subjective, irrational love is at the center of agape. God is not cold, loving only out of obligation. He is passionate and unrelenting. God’s favor, from the core of His being, drives Him to save us no matter the cost.

God’s Love is Irrational

God goes “all in” with His love toward us. This makes it an extravagant love. God’s loving favor doesn’t make sense, but that’s what makes it wonderful.

God doesn’t only do the minimum decent thing to do. He doesn’t save us in compassion and then tell us to go on our way. He adopts us into His family (1 John 3:1; Romans 8:14-30).

God’s family is forever. In Isaiah 49, God’s people felt like Yahweh had abandoned them.

Yahweh responds, “But how could a loving mother forget her nursing child and not deeply love the one she bore? Even if a there is a mother who forgets her child, I could never, no never, forget you.

Isaiah 49:15 TPT

God’s affection for you is greater than any imperfect parent.

If you, imperfect as you are, know how to lovingly take care of your children and give them what’s best, how much more ready is your heavenly Father to give wonderful gifts to those who ask him?”

Matthew 7:11 TPT

God has a strong bond of love with you. He withholds nothing good from you. What can you do today to believe, trust, and feel God’s affection for you?

For God has proved his love by giving us his greatest treasure, the gift of his Son. And since God freely offered him up as the sacrifice for us all, he certainly won’t withhold from us anything else he has to give.

Romans 8:32 TPT

So, God loves you. He values you. He saves you. He rejoices because of you. He makes you a co-heir with Christ.

I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Ephesians 3:17-19 NIV

God has many good things in store for you, things too wonderful to fully comprehend today, but things that allow you to experience the fullness of hope as you are filled with God (Ephesians 3:20).

Read more about God’s love.
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Last updated 2023/04/30