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Healing in Christ

Pain Is Your Guide - Finding Jesus In The Ache

Pain Is Your Guide – Finding Jesus In The Ache

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Too much pain starts to break down a person’s spirit. There goes the ability to manage life with your sanity intact. However, too little pain is also a serious problem in a world where brokenness is always there in one form or another. God uses suffering to create a hunger for spiritual nourishment.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Matthew 5:3 ESV

You might see another person receiving significant attention and adoration from others. Or someone else is promoted ahead of you. Or maybe your friend is pregnant for the second time while you’ve been trying for years. God seems to be moving in their lives—but in yours, He feels strangely silent.

That’s painful. Let it register as such.

It’s easy to become immobilized by doubt when others seem to bask in God’s favor while you feel overlooked, even invisible to Him. You wonder what you’ve done wrong, or if you’re simply not seen.

But to become unstuck, to start healing, you must first lean into that pain. Fully. Let the heaviness of your heart have its say. Let it whisper truths about your spirit that you’ve been avoiding. If you’re numb to your emotions, you’ll miss the subtle work God may already be doing.

Pain: The Sacred Signal of Hunger

So—how in touch are you with your hunger? What does your soul long for? Is it intimacy, healing, purpose, peace, or kingdom-centered work? All of the above, right? Often, these desires are buried beneath the distractions of life. We silence the ache to keep moving, to keep functioning. Yet that ache is a signal. A holy one.

It’s like The Matrix. You may think you’re awake, but in truth, you’re sleepwalking through spiritual hunger. The real condition of your soul might remain hidden until you’re willing to confront your thirst for something more.

This ache points us to something deeper—something only Jesus can satisfy.

But whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.

John 4:14 ESV

Hunger is terrifying. I know, because I used to try to hide mine all the time. When I’m not doing well, it is easy grasp for anything to distract from the ache inside. But eventually, pain has a way of resurfacing. And every time, I’m shocked by how real it still is.

But now I’ve learned to pay attention to it.

Because pain has a voice.

It speaks from a deep place within. With help from God’s Spirit, it shouts out the truths you need to hear, the ones no one else can tell you. Identifying your suffering doesn’t cause it to fade immediately, but it provides clarity. It offers freedom from ambiguity and self-deception. You begin to see your pain not as a curse, but as a guide to life and health.

The book Hind’s Feet on High Places portrays this so beautifully. In it, Much-Afraid walks a harrowing path filled with discomfort and confusion. And just when it seems unbearable, God calls her deeper into suffering—into surrender. Her journey, though painful, is what shapes her into someone radiant with purpose.

God has a purpose for your pain, too. And we must also remember: God might be using pain in others’ lives, too.

Pain: Don’t Steal it From Others

As a counselor, I’ve learned over the years that people need space to express their pain. People want solutions that stop the pain, but the only way to stop it is to go through it. The real healing often begins when I resist the urge to skip over the hurt and instead gently encourage people to stay connected to their ache.

Leaning into the pain keeps the heart open. It’s in that sacred connection—between person and pain—that Jesus draws near. And when He meets someone in their brokenness, the relief He gives is more spiritually profound than any earthly distraction.

So—how are you doing with connecting to your pain? Have you allowed yourself to feel it fully? And who are you inviting into that sacred space with you? Jesus isn’t afraid of your pain. He meets you in it—with mercy, not judgment.

Learn more about Jesus’s care during suffering.
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Last Updated June 22, 2025

For A Better Relationship, Breathe

For A Better Relationship, Breathe

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Do your relationships ever feel suffocating or isolating? If you’ve been a Christian for some time, you might be familiar with a common saying: “God doesn’t move; if you feel distant, then it’s not Him who’s changed.” In our spiritual journey, we can draw closer to God or allow distance through our decisions and distractions. When you sense that warmth fading, it is often a signal from within that prompts you to examine your priorities and habits.

Staying connected with God is not a passive experience. Just as in any meaningful relationship, maintaining closeness with the Lord requires intentionality—through consistent prayer, meditation on Scripture, and accountability with fellow believers. When neglect sets in, a slow retreat unfolds, not because God has moved away, but because our hearts have drifted into routine and distraction. Recognizing this pattern is the first step toward re-establishing that connection.

Deepening Our Relationship with God

In this light, consider the wisdom of Ecclesiastes 3:1:

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens

Ecclesiastes 3:1 NIV

This verse reminds us that both intimacy and periods of thoughtful reprieve are part of God’s plan. It calls us to honor the natural rhythm in our lives—balancing moments of devoted togetherness with intentional times for personal reflection and growth in our walk with the Lord.

Balancing Intimacy and Independence in Relationships

Similarly, the dynamics within our interpersonal relationships follow a rhythm that can be understood through the simple act of breathing. In marriage and close friendships, “breathing in” symbolizes times when you intentionally come together with your spouse to share, to pray, and to connect over heartfelt conversation that reinforces your mutual values. This period of closeness deepens intimacy by keeping your shared spiritual and emotional foundation strong.

On the other hand, “breathing out” does not mean discarding what is good. Instead, it means carving out time for fulfilling, independent pursuits—whether that’s personal study, ministry work, or hobbies that honor your Christian values. This purposeful personal time is essential; it strengthens your individuality and personal faith, equipping you to return to the relationship with renewed purpose and clarity.

Consider a couple experiencing daily tension due to a lack of balance. They have grown so accustomed to constant interaction that personal space is nearly non-existent, resulting in feelings of resentment and a loss of personal identity. By establishing designated periods for couple-time—marked by prayer, conversation, and planning for the future—and respecting intervals for individual reflection, they discovered that their love was not only sustained but enriched. Their experience serves as a powerful reminder that when both aspects are respected, both the marital bond and personal faith can thrive.

When your relationship with God begins to feel strained, consider this breathing rhythm as a guide. Reflect on whether you’re allowing sufficient space for both shared worship and personal devotion. Sometimes, creating clear boundaries for quiet reflection or personal study can lead to a more profound reconnection when joining others in fellowship.

Likewise, examine your relationship with your spouse. Engage in heartfelt conversation about balancing togetherness with personal time. Whether it’s setting aside moments for shared Bible study or arranging personal time to pursue individual callings, this balance strengthens you both as individuals and as a couple.

If you’re facing challenges and finding it hard to rediscover this balance on your own, remember that professional Christian counseling is available. My books and counseling services offer further guidance based on Scripture and real-life experience for anyone seeking to restore closeness and harmony in their relationships.

A thriving relationship isn’t about relentless togetherness or constant isolation—it’s about discerning and respecting the rhythm of your life. By following God’s timing as echoed in Ecclesiastes 3:1, you can learn the art of breathing: drawing close after a time of disconnection, and moving toward fulfilling individual pursuits after togetherness. May you find strength in both union and introspection, knowing that each season is perfectly placed in God’s plan.

Learn about community and loneliness.
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Last updated 20250601

Living with Eternal Purpose

Living With Eternal Purpose: No Guts No Glory

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Do you ever feel like just being yourself is too risky? The cost of authenticity might be rejection, but the rewards lead to a life full of purpose. When you embrace who God created you to be, challenges will come—but so will deep joy and meaning. When we live in alignment with God’s design, we experience a glimpse of heaven—a foretaste of the eternal—shaping our journey with divine purpose.

Yet, too often fear holds us back. We hesitate to be vulnerable, to speak honestly, to pursue what truly matters. Why? Because rejection and failure seem unbearable. But what if we could shift our focus, seeing beyond temporary discomfort to the eternal reality that awaits us? Living with this perspective changes everything.

In another post, I wrote about the benefits of imagining what heaven will be like. I asked, “How would seeing the most optimistic vision impact how you live today?” One person’s response perfectly captures the shift from despair to hope that I aimed for. He gave me permission to share his answer:

I enjoyed the post you wrote on Heaven. Thanks for posing the question. It gave me a chance to think about what the rest of my life could look like and how it could begin to move in that direction even now. Knowing what heaven is like and who I am as God’s finished product would change how I live the rest of my days on earth.

During a recent checkup, my doctor said, “You look pretty good for someone who almost died a year ago.” Coming face-to-face with death has me thinking more about how I want to be remembered.

If I knew what God plans for me in heaven, I could risk being that person more on earth, no matter what others thought of me, because I would know it pleased God. I should be doing that anyway, but I struggle to be the best version of me. I want to:

  • be more unselfish, putting others’ needs before my own.
  • be more transparent about my feelings and not be concerned about how that would look to others.
  • speak what is in my heart; I wouldn’t be unkind, but I would be free to disagree with others and risk being rejected and isolated from others.
  • be more vulnerable to love others and help them, no matter what it costs me emotionally or materially.
  • be more humble, living out my purpose of bringing glory to God and doing things that have eternal value, not just what has meaning for my time on earth.

Acting in this way would bring more meaning to my remaining time here, leave an eternal mark, and make something in my life worth remembering to those I leave behind.

Imagining heaven’s best helps me trust God more (I can see why He led me through what He did) and value what He values. I want to see with a better perspective what is important in this life, and what matters so little because it won’t be coming with me into heaven.

This perspective has the power to transform how we live. What if, instead of fearing failure or rejection, we boldly stepped into the identity God designed for us?

How to Step Boldly into Purpose—Without Regrets

It’s easy to get stuck in hesitation, waiting for the “right time” to start living boldly. But if you knew heaven was ahead, what would you risk today to embrace the person God designed you to be?

  • Maybe you need counseling to heal from past wounds that keep you from fully stepping into your purpose.
  • Maybe it’s time to invest in a book that guides you toward deeper faith and self-awareness.
  • Maybe you need to start small, choosing one area of your life to surrender fear and embrace authenticity.

The challenge is real, the risk feels great—but the reward is eternal.

How about you? What will your life look like if you live with no regrets? No guts, no glory. When you risk being who God made you to be, God is glorified.

And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering.

Romans 8:17 NLT

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Last Updated 20250420

Forgiveness Opens The Heart To Miraculous Healing

Forgiveness Opens The Heart To Miraculous Healing

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What do you need most in your life right now? Do you have a greater need to forgive or to be forgiven?

When I recently considered the question, it surprised me. Is my suffering greater than the suffering I’ve caused? I like the question because it made me think. It’s a good question for self-examination.

However you answer the question, confession and repentance are necessary. The person who needs to be forgiven must release the debt so God can pay it. The person who needs to forgive must release the debt held against another. But this also requires God’s forgiveness for holding onto unforgiveness.

Jesus’s words about forgiveness cover this all too well.

If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Matthew 6:14-15 NLT

Forgiveness opens the heart to allow restorative healing.

What Does it Mean to Forgive?

Forgiveness is both simple and complicated. It’s both easy and hard. Forgiveness starts with opening your mouth and saying the words, “I forgive” or even “I want to forgive, help me forgive.”

For some people, that might seem like the hard part, but it’s really the easy part. It only takes a few seconds, and it’s done. It doesn’t cost much. And there’s quite a lot to gain. Eventually, the release brings peace of mind.

Forgiveness often feels counterintuitive—how could relinquishing our rights ever be in our best interest? It’s what makes it so hard to begin with. Forgiveness can feel like you are giving up all hope for any kind of return to normal, how everything was before the offense. In one sense, it’s true. To say “I forgive”, and mean it, is to walk away empty-handed.

But forgiveness done right is an appeal to a higher authority. It is a no-brainer kind of trade. I give up my rights in return for healing by God’s touch.

Everything we have comes from God anyway. So, can we say we ever had anything? In one sense, yes, but in another, no. Whatever we have, we lack the power to command it.

Job understood how to release and leave his heart open to God’s touch:

Job stood up and tore his robe in grief. Then he shaved his head and fell to the ground to worship. He said,
“I came naked from my mother’s womb,
    and I will be naked when I leave.
The Lord gave me what I had,
    and the Lord has taken it away.
Praise the name of the Lord!”
In all of this, Job did not sin by blaming God.

Job 1:20-22 NLT

Just as Job released his grief and trusted in God’s sovereignty, Jesus demonstrated the ultimate act of forgiveness, teaching us how surrender can lead to redemption.

Even as Jesus hung on the cross, His act of forgiveness brought immediate suffering, followed by death—a profound demonstration of the cost and courage forgiveness requires. When sorrow or fear sets in after saying ‘I forgive them,’ know that it’s a natural part of the healing journey. It is a real loss. You are saying goodbye. You are letting go of something that you can never have again. What is done is done.

Though forgiveness begins in pain and loss, its ultimate reward is renewal—a gift from God that replaces despair with hope. After you hit bottom, God provides a way out of the empty despair. In God’s hands, hope is resurrected through the new blessings He provides, carrying us toward a renewed purpose. What does God’s hope look like in your life today? What God makes new won’t be the same as what you lost, but it will be an opportunity to continue living for God. Jesus rested for three days, and then God resurrected Him. God wants to resurrect you, too.

What claims do you have on others that you need to release? Maybe the claim is against yourself. Perhaps the person you need to forgive most is yourself. You need forgiveness as much as everyone else. Don’t close your heart to God’s healing touch. Release and be resurrected.

Learn more about forgiveness.
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Last updated 20250330

Find and Accept Your Authentic Self

Find And Accept Your Authentic Self

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If you’re unable to accept yourself, you’re likely missing out on joy. To maximize joy you must appreciate both God and yourself. How can a person worship God but hate himself? How can a person like herself but hate God? The two must go together to maximize enjoyment of life.

How to Reject Your Authentic Self

God created you as you are for a specific reason. Life’s bumps and bruises can deceive you into believing you are someone more or less than you are. If you are not gifted athletically (or some other enviable ability) but compare yourself to those who are, you’ll always come up short and feel less than.

Have you ever tried something and felt inadequate? Or maybe someone told you that you didn’t measure up? If you can walk away understanding, “this isn’t for me,” then you have a healthy perspective. If you conclude that you are defective, you are making it personal, which isn’t helpful.

Are you measuring yourself with the right ruler? God measures you by His original design. Everything else will give you a faulty or inaccurate measurement. But more than that, you’ll feel miserable because there is no way for you to win.

Proverbs 11:1 declares that God detests deception in dealings with others. How can you deal honestly with others if you don’t first deal honestly with your value?

The Lord detests the use of dishonest scales, but he delights in accurate weights.

Proverbs 11:1 NLT

Are you weighing your value with honest scales? Romans 12:3 communicates the same idea.

For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.

Romans 12:3 ESV

It’s possible to think you accept yourself when you don’t. It’s possible to live with the heavy burden of trying to be who you think God wants you to be. But that can be different than who God knows you to be.

Are you living with an uncomfortable tension of always pushing yourself to reach some ever-elusive goal? If so, you’re never going to reach self-acceptance. You can’t perform your way to acceptance.

How to Discover Your Authentic Self

God’s acceptance is free for His children. Even though we don’t have to work for our value, we must learn our value by who God made us to be.

Below are 7 questions to help you assess how well you know yourself and how consistently you present yourself. Answer the first 3 questions to determine your self-image (how you see and value yourself), the second 3 questions to define how you feel obligated to act to fulfill life’s demands (how others see and value you), and the seventh question to consider God’s perspective (how He sees and values you).

  1. The thing I like most about myself is…
  2. I’m at my best when I contribute…
  3. I feel most connected to God when I…
  4. Others appreciate me for…
  5. My job requires me to…
  6. I feel like a fish out of water when I…

The final seventh question is this: Describe yourself as God sees you through His loving, creative eyes. Be specific. Generate your answer from your heart. Provide a detailed answer related to how uniquely God created you. Now, compare your answers between all the questions. How consistent (or inconsistent) are you?

How to Accept Your Authentic Self

Imagine what it would be like if your self-image, your presented-image, and God’s-image all described the same person. You would act the same way across all different areas of your life, according to God’s design for you. That’s self-acceptance.

Is self-acceptance clear to you? Are you amazed by God’s goodness that He created you to enjoy Him and enjoy who He made you to be? If not, what seems to be holding you back from the joy of authenticity?

Learn more about worship and joy.
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Last updated 2025/03/02

God Will Deliver You From Failure

God Will Deliver You From Failure

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Failure would be a death sentence if it were not for God’s mercy. Many people struggle with believing that their failure leaves a fatal mark that limits their potential. If you think you’ve failed, you might believe something like:

  • I’ll always mess up God’s plans.
  • There’s no hope for me now.
  • I’ll wear this scar for the rest of my life.
  • That was my last chance.
  • God will never forgive me.
  • My best will never be good enough.
  • God is going to send me to hell.
  • I’ll never recover from this.
  • There’s no use trying again.

For Christians to believe any of these statements, they must be deceived. Every one of them has something false about it. What Jesus has done for believers removes the permanence of these statements and breathes hope into the hopeless, life into the lifeless.

Failure From the World’s Perspective

A worldly definition of failure distorts God by emphasizing two extreme responses. People are forever condemned or always excused without consequence. These miss God’s heart because they throw out His mercy or justice.

Without God’s mercy, we would all be perpetually caught in shame. The unbearable feelings of self-condemnation and self-loathing weigh heavily without any way of escape. People attempt to cope by utilizing perfectionism or apathy to avoid the feelings of falling short.

Without God’s justice, we can become lulled into a false sense of security. The prideful presumption that there will never be a reckoning for our attitudes and choices might soothe the conscience today but does nothing to prevent the condemnation tomorrow. People attempt to cope by utilizing relativism to discount the seriousness of God’s absolute standards.

    Sin is probably the best definition of failure. It completely misses what God wants for us. Without God, we are defective because of sin. However, God, because of His love, has stripped sin of its power and permanent consequences. So it does not have a significant lasting effect for believers.

    Failure From God’s Perspective

    Let’s reconsider the definition of failure, but include God this time. A worst-case definition of failure considers it to be a temporary setback. That’s because God works for our ultimate good. We are on the same side.

    Failure implies finality. But because God is an eternal being, endings do not exist for Him. Any moment in time is not the final word on your situation.

    Failure implies hopelessness. But God is an endless supply of hope. Nothing can defeat God. Nothing can defeat God’s plans. Nothing can defeat God’s people.

    Failure implies permanent loss. But God restores and heals, often while we are yet in this life. That’s possible because knowing Him means knowing boundless hope.

    Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

    Lamentations 3:21-23

    We can always learn from our experiences, even if they seem like abysmal failures. God is ready to give us another chance. We can start again in a stronger position.

    I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.

    Psalm 34:4-7 NIV

    So you can see that you will have trouble, but God will deliver you. He will deliver you from evil. He looks beyond failure to your eternal potential in Jesus Christ. For other verses that support God’s grace and hope, see Isaiah 40:31, Romans 5:5, Psalm 33:18, and Jeremiah 29:11.

    May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

    Romans 15:13 NIV

    Learn more about Shame.
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    Last updated 2025/02/02

    3 Reasons To Trust God Today

    3 Reasons To Trust God Today

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    Trust God today because of His faithful, unchanging love. God is not fickle; He does not change His mind but steadily works out what He has planned before the foundation of the world. Whatever He has planned will come to pass.

    I know that you can do all things,
        and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.

    Job 42:2 ESV

    God accomplishes His plans but simultaneously cares about the details of your life.

    Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

    1 Peter 5:6-7 ESV

    God wants us to be successful, although, our ideas of what this means are often different than God’s ideas. God is more concerned about His long-term goals. We can’t see that far out, so we tend to be more concerned about what is happening right now. That’s where trust becomes essential. If we are to give up our immediate happiness and keep a sense of peace, then we must trust God will work out everything for good.

    Trust God Because He is Faithful and Supportive

    Joshua 1 highlights God’s unchanging presence as well as defines success from God’s perspective. No matter what is happening, God will not abandon you. Of course, this chapter must be understood in context. It doesn’t mean God will grant you whatever you want. However, whatever God wants for your life, which is many good things, He is working to make it happen.

    No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you.
    Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do.

    Joshua 1:5,8 NLT

    God’s promises for success are conditional. We can’t do whatever we want and expect awesome results. We can’t choose sin and ongoing, willful disobedience and avoid God’s discipline and correction. “Will not abandon or fail” means God will work to conform you to His image.

    God encourages us every step along the way during the fulfillment of His plans. This is true for His immediate plans in this life, and certainly for His plans for the next life.

    Trust God Because He Died For You

    If you are a believer, God has paid the price to save you from spiritual death. He demonstrated His commitment to you through His sacrificial death. God redeems His people, removing condemnation from their lives.

    Calamity will surely destroy the wicked,
        and those who hate the righteous will be punished.
    But the Lord will redeem those who serve him.
        No one who takes refuge in him will be condemned.

    Psalm 34:21-22 NLT

    If God was willing to die for you when you didn’t deserve it, He is beyond trustworthy. We owe Him our very lives. Given all that we gain from being His son or daughter, He expects relatively little from us.

    Trust God Because He Has Room For You

    God is not only faithful and sacrificial but also affectionate. He cares specifically about you. He doesn’t simply love you, He is in love with you. God doesn’t love from a distance; He loves up close. You are constantly in His awareness. People have limited awareness, but God can stay focused on as many things as He wants.

    Yet Jerusalem says, “The Lord has deserted us;
        the Lord has forgotten us.”
    “Never! Can a mother forget her nursing child?
        Can she feel no love for the child she has borne?
    But even if that were possible,
        I would not forget you!
    See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands.
        Always in my mind is a picture of Jerusalem’s walls in ruins.

    Isaiah 49:14-16 NLT

    What does all this mean? God has room for you in His heart. Trust God because you have your own place in His heart.

    Learn more about trusting God:
    – more reasons to trust
    – trusting God in relationships
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    God Is Perfect

    God Is Perfect

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    Perfection is the highest quality of being which God has never needed to attain. He has always been perfect and always will be exceptional. How do you feel about God? Would you say your experiences lead you to conclude God is the standard of perfection? How much do you trust Him? Nothing is more important than your trust in God.

    If there were one truth to rule them all it would be, “God is perfect.” The person who believes this has a strong, unstoppable faith. Try an experiment. Consider God as thoroughly perfect. Recognize how amazing He is. See Him for who He is. How much can you trust the God you envision? Has your hope increased?

    When I think of God as perfect, it starts to correct my image of Him. I feel more positive toward Him and then I feel more hopeful. If you can’t believe He is perfect, you may feel discouraged because of difficult life events.

    Is God Perfect?

    Do you ever find yourself resisting the idea that God is perfect? It can be easy to doubt God is perfect. Globally, many difficult things have happened, are happening, and will continue to happen (in this life). It’s the “continue to happen” that makes it easy to doubt.

    Can God be perfect if He allows bad things to continue to happen? This question causes many people to stumble in their faith. God has reasons for doing what He does that we might never completely understand.

    “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
        “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
    For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
        so my ways are higher than your ways
        and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

    Isaiah 55:8-9 NLT

    If you seriously doubt God, you move into a place of judgment. Putting God on trial is the beginning of the end. Nothing good can come from distancing yourself from the only one who can help you. I discuss this and more in my book, To Identity and Beyond.

    Until we are in heaven, life will continue to be a struggle. This life is all we know. What happens can have a profound effect on how you see God. Some evidence will support a loving God and others might not. We need to be able to consider God as perfect despite any negative evidence.

    Regardless of how good or bad life seems, you have a powerful choice. Will you devote your allegiance to God or turn away from Him in discouragement or disgust? Will you align your spirit with His Spirit? If you refuse, you will experience some natural consequences. Consider what it would be like to be separated from God, your creator, who knows you from head to toe. It makes no sense to give up on God.

    Believing God Has Faults Harms You

    If God is perfect then failing to believe and act accordingly is harmful. All of us may experience a deterioration in our health to the degree we live like God is imperfect. That’s eye-opening!

    Believing God is imperfect and then failing to trust Him carries with it consequences like:

    • Increased fear, anxiety, and worry
    • Increased need for control
    • Increased desire to be self-sufficient
    • Increased isolation and loneliness
    • Increased despair
    • Increased frustration and anger

    Can it be any other way? If God had faults, how could we trust Him to keep His word 100% of the time? Perfection deserves our full trust.

    But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
        They will soar high on wings like eagles.
    They will run and not grow weary.
        They will walk and not faint.

    Isaiah 40:31 NLT

    Meditate on God’s Perfection

    Try an experiment this week. Remind yourself of God’s perfection. Whenever you set your mind on God, think about how perfect He is. Notice how you feel. If you feel negative, that’s probably an indicator of some spiritual work you need to do. If you feel more positive, notice how that changed for you. What changed? Trust God despite what happens and you will be blessed.

    After you try this for a week, check on what insights you gained about God and yourself. Do you feel more peaceful and hopeful?

    Learn more about the consequences of bad theology.
    Last updated 2025/01/19

    escape a chained reality

    Find God’s Beautiful Reality

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    How much of your life do you spend in reality? How much do you spend in a fantasy world whether that is of your making or another’s creative fiction?

    Taking a break from reality is healthy up to a point. But what starts as innocent can become harmful. Taking a break can eventually become escaping reality. Then what if you reach the point where you begin to prefer to escape more than you like to be present? You could then become chained (addicted) to a false reality that you find difficult to escape.

    Don’t Deny Reality

    We are only aware of a fraction of who we are at any given time. Sometimes this denial of who we are is normal and healthy. But at other times, we become stuck denying important information.

    If you’re in denial, you could be:

    1. Believing you are better than you are (you are pridefully protecting your ego).
    2. Believing you are worse than you are (you are making a negative experience more important than it is).

    Try to become more aware right now. Think through the past couple of weeks. What has been the focus of your thoughts? Is there anything resting just below the surface? What are you half-aware of? What could be buried deep? What is nagging at you in the back of your mind, but you haven’t admitted or verbalized it?

    Denying the truth is usually not good. But you must escape what you can’t fully handle in the moment. On the other hand, denying something false is usually good. God wants us to die to (deny) sin and be alive to Him.

    So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.

    Romans 6:11 ESV

    Focus on God’s Reality

    Is there such a place as heaven on earth? How hard should Christians be trying to manufacture a utopia?

    We can make the effort to embrace the reality of God’s truth. But this includes the truth that this life, in its present form, is passing away (1 Corinthians 7:31). We can make our lives somewhat better, but we might lose everything if we focus more on present reality over future reality. What is coming next is far greater than what we have today. Jesus said if we focus on keeping our (present) life we might lose our (future) life, but if we focus away from our present life, we will keep our future life (Matthew 16:25).

    For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account.

    Philippians 1:21-24

    The only true reality is the one God says is real. You might lean into other less-than-true realities when the pain is too much and you think you have no other options. But as soon as you’re ready, you should run toward God and His reality.

    In what ways are you in denial? Consider how aware you are of your emotions and memories. Put together these determine the worldview you carry around in your heart. Are you avoiding these significant experience by being stuck in a rut of unchanging routine? Ask God for the strength to endure the harshness of reality, but also for the spiritual insight to behold the beauty of His reality.

    God is merciful; He allows and even provides for a healthy escape. He provides moments that transcend the difficulties of life (see 1 Corinthians 10:13). When God provides the opportunity for you to enjoy life, be sure to take full advantage.

    Learn more about identity and reality.
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    Last updated 2024/11/24

    Remember Your Past For A Healthy Present

    Remember Your Past For A Healthy Present

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    How does remembering your past help you today? Think of re-membering as bringing scattered parts of your life together. It’s like gathering the parts of a jigsaw puzzle and assembling them where they belong.

    God wants you to see the whole picture of who you are. Have you ever worked on a puzzle only to get to the end and realize some pieces are missing? It’s frustrating because it feels so incomplete.

    I’m fascinated by my past. I’m not thinking of historical facts. I mean my psychological and emotional journey. Memories are important because they are the key to setting a person free from being trapped in the past.

    You can’t change what has happened to you but you can change its meaning. You decided how much a particular memory has the power to define who you are. They answer the question: How did I get to where I am today?

    How you first experience something has long-lasting implications. Your journey is, in many ways, a series of first-time experiences. To put the pieces of your life together, you must revisit your first-time experiences to create follow-on experiences. Healing can be both strengthening the positive memories and weakening the negative ones.

    Questions to Help You Remember

    Your relationship with your childhood memories can tell you a lot about yourself. Here are some questions you can use to explore your emotional health:

    • How do you feel about your childhood?
    • Do you feel like you are still a child?
    • Do you feel like you are stuck in your childhood?
    • Do you feel extremely distant from childhood, almost like it was another lifetime?
    • Does childhood feel real to you or more like a fantasy?
    • Does childhood seem unimportant or highly relevant to you?
    • Do you remember a lot or a little?
    • How much was childhood the same or different every day?
    • What positive memories come to mind?
    • What negative memories come to mind?

    Did you skim through these questions or pause on each one and give a real, in-depth answer? Are you willing to embrace your childhood or do you think you’d be happier if you never thought about it again?

    Even if you considered only one of the questions, you’ve got a taste of what it’s like to move toward emotional health. You dipped your toe in the water. If you considered more than one, you might feel overwhelmed as you swim in a pool of emotional memories.

    As I said, memories are fascinating. They aren’t part of who you are. Yet, in another way, they are part of you. You’re not five years old anymore. But you might feel five years old sometimes.

    Remember the Past, Compare it with the Present, and Plan the Future

    Here are a few more questions for you to consider: In what ways do you feel the same, today, as you did when you were a young child? In what ways are you the same? In what ways are you different?

    Life can lead you away from being in touch with who you are. The pressures, demands, and trauma open a chasm between your performance and who you are. It’s possible to become so familiar with present-day performance (life responsibilities) that you forget what it’s like to enjoy life on your terms.

    Here are three more questions that should help you “pull yourself together.” What day would you most like to relive? What makes life worth living today? Now, what new day do you imagine you would like to live in the near future?

    In answering all these questions, look for two things. First, look for any infections: emotional wounds that haven’t fully healed. Second, look for peak experiences: emotional highs that give you energy.

    If you’d like more practice at developing follow-on experiences, then you should try a book from my Journal Your Way series.

    More about the benefits of exploring your past.
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    Last updated 2022/12/11

    Is Love A Choice

    Is Love a Choice?

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    God loves you. But what does this mean? God is love (1 John 4:16). So, God has to love. He can’t not love. Does He love out of obligation? Is His love involuntary?

    We know God cares enough to die for us (John 3:16). He paid the price to redeem us. He is patient with us. He did what He had to do to keep us alive (spiritually).

    To say love is a choice is to say that it is objective. You and I can show love despite how we feel about another person. If we only loved when we felt like it, our actions would only be motivated by how others treat us. But here I am talking about human love which can be fickle.

    God’s agape is different. It always does right. It flows out of who God is. In that sense, it could be described as involuntary.

    Love makes it impossible to harm another, so love fulfills all that the law requires.

    Romans 13:10 TPT

    Much of life is starkly unpredictable, so it’s nice that God doesn’t change His mind about loving us.

    Is Love More Than a Choice?

    When love is a choice, it’s a rational, steady, and dependable love. But there is more to it than that. Love as only a choice is incomplete. Love includes compassion, affection, and favor. Agape is motivated by feeling. But keep in mind that God’s feelings are pure, undefiled by any sin.

    The Lord your God is in your midst,
        a mighty one who will save;
    he will rejoice over you with gladness;
        he will quiet you by his love;
    he will exult over you with loud singing.

    Zephaniah 3:17 ESV

    Subjective, irrational love is at the center of agape. God is not cold, loving only out of obligation. He is passionate and unrelenting. God’s favor, from the core of His being, drives Him to save us no matter the cost.

    God’s Love is Irrational

    God goes “all in” with His love toward us. This makes it an extravagant love. God’s loving favor doesn’t make sense, but that’s what makes it wonderful.

    God doesn’t only do the minimum decent thing to do. He doesn’t save us in compassion and then tell us to go on our way. He adopts us into His family (1 John 3:1; Romans 8:14-30).

    God’s family is forever. In Isaiah 49, God’s people felt like Yahweh had abandoned them.

    Yahweh responds, “But how could a loving mother forget her nursing child and not deeply love the one she bore? Even if a there is a mother who forgets her child, I could never, no never, forget you.

    Isaiah 49:15 TPT

    God’s affection for you is greater than any imperfect parent.

    If you, imperfect as you are, know how to lovingly take care of your children and give them what’s best, how much more ready is your heavenly Father to give wonderful gifts to those who ask him?”

    Matthew 7:11 TPT

    God has a strong bond of love with you. He withholds nothing good from you. What can you do today to believe, trust, and feel God’s affection for you?

    For God has proved his love by giving us his greatest treasure, the gift of his Son. And since God freely offered him up as the sacrifice for us all, he certainly won’t withhold from us anything else he has to give.

    Romans 8:32 TPT

    So, God loves you. He values you. He saves you. He rejoices because of you. He makes you a co-heir with Christ.

    I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

    Ephesians 3:17-19 NIV

    God has many good things in store for you, things too wonderful to fully comprehend today, but things that allow you to experience the fullness of hope as you are filled with God (Ephesians 3:20).

    Read more about God’s love.
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    Last updated 2023/04/30

    Jesus Will Never Reject His Children

    Jesus Will Never Reject His Children

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    How would it change your life if you knew that Jesus would never reject a believer like you? Life is hard with many difficult situations to endure (death, pain, suffering). God asks us to believe He is perfect love despite sometimes allowing terrible circumstances. Real faith is required to look beyond life’s negative events and see God’s love.

    Fortunately, God gives us His Holy Spirit, enabling us to see God by faith. He makes profound promises about His relationship with us. If you are a believer, uncertainty and rejection die with your belief in Jesus’s death and resurrection. Certainty and acceptance are possible as faith sees the reality of God’s kingdom in the present moment, even though it isn’t fully realized, yet.

    Never Rejected, No, Never

    Jesus explains the kind of salvation he offers in John 10.

    My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand.

    John 10:27-29 ESV

    In the clause “and they shall never perish” John uses the double negative with the aorist subjunctive, which is a very emphatic way of declaring that something will not happen in the future. Jesus is categorically excluding the slightest chance of an apostasy by his sheep. A literal translation would be something like, “They shall not, repeat, shall not ever perish in the slightest.”

    Christian Theology, M. J. Erickson, Baker Book House, 1985, pg. 992

    This kind of assurance is truly Good News. The Gospel, without such security, would be a different gospel than the Bible teaches. Can you imagine believing you will be in heaven today, but tomorrow fearing God’s eternal wrath believing you have been ejected from God’s family? Then with repentence the next day believing you will be in heaven? Then rejected again when you sin? The Bible says this is impossible because Jesus’s death was sufficient for all time (past, present, future). If it lacks the power to keep a person saved, Jesus would need to die all over again (Hebrews 6:4-6). Thankfully, God is all-powerful rendering such worries unwarranted.

    Never Rejected, But Doubting

    Even with such direct statements of eternal security, believers must contend with the spiritual forces of fear and doubt. God would have us strengthen our trust in Him against these principalities and powers.

    What might cause someone to doubt their salvation? It’s typically a sin. It’s hard to face when we do something cruel to someone else. The guilt can cause us to believe God will reject us. Jesus’s sacrifice means there is no longer condemnation for believers. Such forgiveness can seem to be too generous to believe, but that is the Good News of the Gospel! When this wonderful generosity is accepted with humility, it creates a heart response of gratefulness rather than a desire to sin more (Romans 5:20–6:3).

    What about when someone sins against us? We might learn (come to believe) that we are not worth being saved. Present-day experiences can trigger memories of events that were intensely harmful. Following are some situations that might dig up the past:

    • Being lied to
    • Being ignored
    • Being interrupted
    • Waiting (uncertainty)
    • Being teased
    • Being criticized
    • Invasion of personal space

    What do these have in common? They all can communicate insignificance (some directly and some more subtly):

    • Being lied to -> can’t trust or be trusted
    • Being ignored -> not worth the time or engagement
    • Being interrupted -> voice is not important or worth hearing
    • Waiting (uncertainty) -> don’t deserve good things
    • Being teased -> inferior
    • Being criticized -> defective
    • Invasion of personal space -> don’t have a valuable self that is worth protecting

    These will likely cause everyone some distress, but people who have experienced abuse might recall the deep distress of older abuse. Some people have become resilient enough to overcome negative experiences. The difference has to do with a person’s self-image. The weaker the self-image, the easier it is to allow negative spiritual forces to overwhelm with falsehood, intensifying the pain to crushing levels.

    The combination of (1) significant past negative treatment (2) current triggering negative treatment, and (3) preying spiritual forces can be enough to cause people to question their status before God.

    But as we have seen, Jesus is emphatic that believers are securely His. The song Love Still Bids You Welcome captures this well. Even though we sin, God holds onto us with a grip that does not slip. Anyone who has tasted God’s goodness would never want to let go of God, but even so, because of our weakness, we must rely on God’s strength.

    He will not cast you out. Whoever enters in will forever dwell with Him. God cannot reject a believer; he or she is a child of God forever.

    Learn more about God’s goodness amidst tragedy.
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    Overcome When You Feel Like Giving Up

    Overcome When You Feel Like Giving Up

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    Life has a way of wearing you down so much that you stop trusting God. What are some reasons you feel like giving up? Do they include any of the following?

    • Have you experienced too many failures or rejections?
    • Do you feel worth less than others?
    • Do you feel not needed or not wanted?
    • Do you feel tired, lost, or confused?
    • Does your existence seem pointless?

    You might not think of yourself as depressed, but if you answered yes to any of those questions, then you are experiencing some form of discouragement. When your burden becomes too great, you’ll naturally consider giving up. Feeling like you want to give up should throw a red flag for you.

    Feeling Like Giving Up Comes From a Desire to be Self-Sufficient

    Unfortunately, you will encounter discouraging people and circumstances. Sometimes you can make better choices to prevent bad things from happening. Other times, there isn’t anything you could have done differently. Either way, when you continue to suffer long after a difficult experience, there’s a reason.

    What keeps you weighed down and prevents you from moving forward? Do any of these sound like you?

    • You’re trying to do it all yourself.
    • You believe God doesn’t care or He is somehow against you.
    • You think being humble means you should have low self-worth.
    • You think you’ve committed the unpardonable sin and God is condemning you to hell.
    • You stopped trusting God because of a tragedy.

    God says there is a different way than giving up.

    Are you weary, carrying a heavy burden? Then come to me. I will refresh your life, for I am your oasis. Simply join your life with mine. Learn my ways and you’ll discover that I’m gentle, humble, easy to please. You will find refreshment and rest in me.

    Matthew 11:28-29 TPT

    Feeling Like Giving Up Comes From a Faulty Foundation

    It’s possible to have God in your life but still feel like giving up. Unfortunately, you can become committed to a life strategy that doesn’t work. If so, it’s either based on a lie or it’s not the right approach for you. A faulty strategy is based on lies.

    “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.”

    Matthew 7:24-27 ESV

    Rebuild Your Foundation When You Feel Like Giving Up

    What is your life based on? Do you know why you are doing what you’re doing? Do you have at least one primary, life-giving motivation? If you don’t, you’ll find no gas in your tank to draw on when the going gets tough. A life founded on the rock looks like the following:

    • You have a clear purpose and act on it consistently.
    • You ask God to help you advance His kingdom.
    • You ask God to purify your motives.
    • You trust God to multiply your efforts.
    • You surrender the outcome to God.

    You can overcome when you feel like giving up when you understand God is responsible for the results (the fruit). God causes all things to grow. You only need to be faithful to the resources God has given you. Only God has the power to make good things happen, but your contribution is important.

    I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. The one who plants and the one who waters have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own labor. For we are co-workers in God’s service; you are God’s field, God’s building.

    1 Corinthians 3:6-9 NIV

    It’s natural (in our sin) to want to be able to control the outcomes in life, but only God is in control. Instead of giving up on God, give up your desire to be self-sufficient. If you can see yourself as partnering with God, then you’ll be more willing to let God help you align your desires to His desires.

    Don’t give up. Don’t lose sight of who God is and who He made you to be. God loves you and has a plan for your life. You can find your purpose, live your purpose, and enjoy your life.

    Learn more about why you should never give up.
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    Last Updated 2023/12/24

    Self-Care Is Not Selfish Or Sinful

    Self-Care Is Not Selfish Or Sinful

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    Christians are not supposed to be selfish so they often end up at the other extreme: being self-neglectful. But being selfless doesn’t prevent self-care. You can be content while caring for yourself and others.

    Selfishness at its root is wastefulness. Poor stewardship is the misuse of resources. Gluttony is a perfect example of selfishness. People are selfish when they consume more than they need while others don’t get what they need.

    The selfish person refuses to do what is helpful and right. He prioritizes his wants over another person’s needs. Selfishness overlaps with pride. A selfish person might throw away good food instead of giving it to those in need. This person is deliberately spiteful or intent on seeing others suffer.

    With such a bleak definition, you might think, “I’m not that selfish.” And maybe you’re right. Instead, maybe you are self-neglectful. Would you starve yourself so another can eat? That is just as extreme as letting others starve.

    It’s Nearly Impossible to be Content and Selfish

    The selfish person can’t be thankful. Being thankful allows you to see the abundance of what you have. Take a moment to consider the excess you have. Most people have well beyond what they need to be happy. Yet, many people aren’t happy. What will it take for you to be happy?

    Selfishness can also have a fearful root. I should think only of myself in case something bad happens. True contentment is living with peace in any circumstance. To be selfish is a negative grab for satisfaction. Paul wrote about contentment:

    I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

    Philippians 4:11-13 NIV

    Contentment is an internal state. You can prefer blue skies over grey skies, but still be content on a cloudy day. Selfishness exists because of discontentment with circumstances. The secret to contentment is knowing what happens when your life ends. Nothing provides greater peace than knowing God has chosen you to be with Him in paradise (Luke 23:43).

    It’s Possible to Pursue Self-Care and be Selfless

    Because of sin, it’s easy to be selfish. It’s also easy to give others what they want to avoid any uncomfortable conflict (also know as people pleasing). But you can be generous and have healthy boundaries at the same time. You can because self-care isn’t selfish. With God’s help, your motives for giving can be free of resentment, bitterness, or anything negative.

    God wants you to be selfless. That means you work toward being a good steward of the resources God has given you. You know the difference between what you need and what you want. You derive your happiness from the abundance of what you already have. You share what you have with those who have need. You give to others only when your giving helps instead of creating further harm. Paul explains how to have the right motivation to give:

    So I have decided to ask Titus and the others to spend some time with you before I arrive. This way they can arrange to collect the money you have promised. Then you will have the chance to give because you want to, and not because you feel forced to. Remember this saying, “A few seeds make a small harvest, but a lot of seeds make a big harvest.” Each of you must make up your own mind about how much to give. But don’t feel sorry that you must give and don’t feel that you are forced to give. God loves people who love to give.

    2 Corinthians 9:5-7 CEV

    When you are focused on God and His kingdom, you can be happy and content whether you are in need or have plenty. You can allow yourself to enjoy the life God has given you.

    Learn more about struggling with circumstances.
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    Faith Has Nothing To Do With Circumstances

    Faith Has Nothing to Do With Circumstances

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    Faith is first of all unwavering trust in a person: Jesus Christ. True faith means that trust exists and remains whether or not what you’ve asked for is fulfilled. This kind of faith comes only from your relationship with Jesus, made possible by the Holy Spirit.

    Faith and Doubt can Coexist

    Your faith doesn’t have to be perfect. Its strength doesn’t need to be at 100% for it to be effective. You can struggle with doubt as a believer. Your struggle is also an opportunity to strengthen your convictions. God wants us to trust the person (Jesus) first, not a specific outcome. This is important because we can’t predict God’s will in many of life’s details.

    Having faith in God when He answers your prayers isn’t enough. You need faith in God even when He doesn’t answer your prayers the way you expect Him to. Of course, whenever you ask for wisdom, forgiveness, or other things God is eager to give to you, then you must believe and not doubt:

    …if any of you lack wisdom, you should pray to God, who will give it to you; because God gives generously and graciously to all. But when you pray, you must believe and not doubt at all. Whoever doubts is like a wave in the sea that is driven and blown about by the wind. If you are like that, unable to make up your mind and undecided in all you do, you must not think that you will receive anything from the Lord.

    James 1:5-8 GNT

    What is it that you must believe? The work of God is to believe in Jesus (John 6:29). To call yourself a believer, you must know who Jesus is. You must believe He is exactly who He says He is. God is all-powerful. God is in complete control. God is wise. God is good.

    Have Faith in What God Wills

    If you want to improve your faith, consider asking God for the wisdom to know the difference between a prayer He will always answer with yes and others which are maybe or no. Wisdom, patience, maturity, the ability to love… God always grants these. Praying for your basic needs is likely to result in a yes. For example, you could pray that God would meet your transportation needs (likely) or you could pray for an extravagant car (less likely, but depends on why you’re asking). How this works depends on your heart–how you prioritize your life.

    God answers prayers according to His sovereign plan, but He also answers them in the context of His relationship with you. Your biological father will give you good gifts if he knows and cares about you. Your heavenly father will also give you gifts appropriate to your spiritual maturity, your connection with Him, and His purposes (Matthew 7:11).

    God, being good, gives good gifts. Therefore, there is never a reason to give up your faith. Faith that God is real and that He rewards those who seek Him is essential (Hebrews 11:6). Don’t give up on God!

    Perhaps the times when you doubt God are the times when you are experiencing a deep sense of betrayal. God hasn’t betrayed you, but it can certainly feel that way. Even then, God would have you trust Him and continue to believe He is good and has something good in store for you.

    Then you can say like Paul:

    I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful.

    2 Timothy 4:7 NLT

    How is your faith? It can be unwavering only because God is unwavering. God has a plan for your life. As a believer, your life always has a happy ending.

    Learn more about the quality, not quantity of faith.
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    Last updated 2023/11/19

    Prioritize To Avoid Hardship

    Prioritize To Avoid Hardship

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    Money is not evil, but the love of money is. Foolish people will prioritize money above more valuable treasures like peace, contentment, and joy. Which would you rather have, significant wealth or prevalent inner peace?

    For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.

    1 Timothy 6:10 NIV

    Prioritize Needs Over Wants

    Have you ever heard the phrase, “All I need to know, I learned in Kindergarten?” A common list includes tips like:

    • Share everything.
    • Don’t hit people.
    • Clean up your mess.
    • Say you’re sorry if you hurt somebody.
    • Warm cookies and cold milk are comforting.

    There’s something to these tips. What if we went even further back? All I need I learned as a child under two years old. I can think of five essential needs:

    1. Mom’s milk
    2. Clean diaper
    3. Place to sleep
    4. Being held and talked to
    5. Stimulating activities

    What would be the adult version of these things?

    1. Healthy diet
    2. Good hygiene
    3. Place to live where you feel safe
    4. Unconditional love: affection, encouragement, and discipline
    5. Interesting things to satisfy curiosity, an opportunity to grow, and make a difference.

    Everything else is optional. But so many people prioritize imitation needs above real needs. The wants usually provide flashy but short-lived fulfillment. Prioritizing wants over needs significantly downgrades life and introduces worry because you can’t ever get enough of what you want. But you can be satisfied with what you need.

    For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction.

    1 Timothy 6:7-9 NIV

    What are examples of wants that are not needs, but might imitate them?

    • A fancy car (or maybe any car)
    • A big home
    • Streaming entertainment
    • Designer clothing
    • An elaborate vacation
    • Alcohol

    None of these things are a sin by themselves. But likewise, none of these ‘wants’ are essential ‘needs’. Or, put another way, there are a lot better achievements to put at the top of your list. When you prioritize any of the above, consider what you lose. It’s not a good trade.

    Prioritize Spiritual Needs Over Earthly Wants

    Why do so many people have their priorities mixed up? They believe the needs are unattainable, or perhaps not worth the effort, so they prioritize the more readily available, but cheap substitutes. Jesus encourages us to look beyond these wants, and even basic physical needs, to deeper spiritual needs. What God wants is better for us.

    Why worry about clothes? Look how the wild flowers grow. They don’t work hard to make their clothes. But I tell you that Solomon with all his wealth wasn’t as well clothed as one of them. God gives such beauty to everything that grows in the fields, even though it is here today and thrown into a fire tomorrow. He will surely do even more for you! Why do you have such little faith?

    Don’t worry and ask yourselves, “Will we have anything to eat? Will we have anything to drink? Will we have any clothes to wear?” Only people who don’t know God are always worrying about such things. Your Father in heaven knows that you need all of these. But more than anything else, put God’s work first and do what he wants. Then the other things will be yours as well.

    Matthew 6:28-33 CEV

    One need we all have is being clean. I mean that physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. Feeling ‘dirty’ can be intolerably unpleasant. How much caked-on guilt have you accumulated over the years? It can become overwhelming and self-destructive.

    Perhaps you’ve made a mess of your life and you feel terrible. Try asking God for help to clean up your messes. Ask God to create in you a clean heart. That’s a prayer He is always eager to answer. That clear conscience allows energy for joyful living unlike any ‘want’ you can imagine.

    Learn more about desires and fulfillment.
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    Last updated 2023/11/12

    Increase Your Faith

    Increase Your Faith

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    “I’m not sure I have enough faith to make it through this.”

    “Increase our faith!” (Luke 17:5).

    “I believe; help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24).

    When you go through a personal crisis your faith is tested. Your friends might say, “just have more faith.” Taken as a cliché, it’s not only not helpful, it can be annoying. But as you’ll see, where you focus makes all the difference.

    Seek Genuine Faith

    Just have more faith is all about your effort–as in you’re not trying hard enough. If you hear “have more faith” and groan or feel even more discouraged, you’re focusing on a powerless effort devoid of God. You might feel cynical: Why should I try if it feels like God has abandoned me? But this won’t be fruitful because your focus is on yourself.

    Now, let’s consider Have faith in God which is all about God. It’s genuine because God is the focal point. Genuine faith looks, sees, believes, and trusts. It’s not about how hard you’re trying.

    For it is my Father’s will that all who see his Son and believe in him should have eternal life. I will raise them up at the last day.

    John 6:40 NLT

    This shifts the focus from what is impossible for us to do, to what is possible for God to do. The ability to believe connects us to God, giving us eternal life. God intentionally divides people into two groups (consider John 10:1-16 and Matthew 25:31-46). The only significant difference between the two is that God’s people undergo a transformation from spiritual death to spiritual life made possible by seeing and believing. Being born again forever changes a person. That’s what it means to have eternal life.

    Your primary work is to believe in God. This means something different than “have more faith,” which is useless when it lacks belief. With genuine faith, you believe and are able to walk forward in the power of what you believe (see James 2:14-26 for more on this).

    Jesus told them, “This is the only work God wants from you: Believe in the one he has sent.”

    John 6:29 NLT

    Belief Comes From God

    God is at work in believing process.

    God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God.

    Ephesians 2:8 NLT

    For no one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws them to me, and at the last day I will raise them up. “I tell you the truth, anyone who believes has eternal life.

    John 6:44, 47 NLT

    The power is in the believing. What should you believe? Your primary work is to believe God is who He says He is. God is good. God is your source of eternal life.

    How to Increase Your Faith

    I want more faith, don’t you? You can’t run a marathon or even to your street corner without food. Likewise, you can’t finish a spiritual race without a vibrant faith.

    To strengthen your faith, you feed on God’s words. You meditate on God’s truth. You consume God’s words and allow them to become a part of you. How positive and hopeful you are depends on how much you reinforce your belief in the Good News about Christ.

    So faith comes from hearing, that is, hearing the Good News about Christ.

    Romans 10:17 NLT

    If you’re a believer, then you have faith already, but for it to do you much good, you have to exercise it regularly. Get your running clothes out of the closet and put them on.

    Take the time throughout your day to be aware of your belief: I have faith. I believe. I can see and hear God. God is real. God is my help. I trust God. Then move forward confidently with all you have going on in your life. God is with you.

    For more on increasing your faith, consider:
    Faith as Spiritual Vision
    www.desiringgod.org
    www.crosswalk.com
    Image by Gordon Johnson from Pixabay
    Last updated 08/20/2023

    Your Struggle Is Related To Childhood

    Your Struggle Is Related to Childhood

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    Struggles come in all shapes and sizes. You can struggle physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually. Physical struggles are related to health and endurance. Mental struggles are about grasping concepts and reality. Emotional struggles are a focus on the intensity of pain caused by the negatives of life (loss resulting from sin). Spiritual struggles involve the ability to discern the truth from falsehood.

    All struggles are likely related to childhood events because people are most vulnerable then. Even though we struggle, spiritual rebirth allows believers to love God will all aspects of their being.

    And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment.”

    Matthew 22:37-38 ESV

    Optical Illusions Are a Perceptional Struggle

    Optical illusions are fun. They work because of assumptions about reality. To some degree, you will perceive what you want to perceive. Sometimes that aligns with reality and sometimes it doesn’t. Either way, after you see past the illusion, it’s difficult to be tricked again.

    Your consciousness is similar to an optical illusion. You have meaningful events buried beneath the surface of awareness. The significant events are rich with life lessons and strong feelings. As you intentionally uncover the significance of your history, it becomes harder to ignore unless you are determined to avoid it.

    Becoming in touch with your uncomfortable memories promotes healing. This can seem counter-intuitive until you realize that to not be in touch with your history is to be in denial. What is distressing tends to stay buried unless you are determined to be healthy.

    Jesus Calls Those Who Struggle

    As you probably know, there is a tension between wanting everything just to be okay and admitting everything isn’t okay.

    Jesus answered them, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners and need to repent.”

    Luke 5:31-32 NLT

    Many of your childhood struggles continue to play out in your everyday interactions. You just don’t realize it unless you look intentionally. Without some prompting, it’s easy to leave pain buried. You might think you are better off leaving sleeping giants undisturbed.

    A decade or two isn’t enough time to fully resolve life’s challenges. Chances are, whatever you struggled with as a child, you still struggle with today. Ideally, you struggle with it to a lesser degree. But there’s no shame in noticing you continue to struggle. It is possible to both make significant progress and realize you are essentially the same person you were as a child.

    Feelings Reveal The Real Struggle

    Everyone has to overcome their fear of inadequacy if they want to grow. Don’t be surprised and discouraged when you experience some of the same feelings you had during your younger years. Instead, see this as a positive sign that you are strong enough to look clearly at how you are responding to life.

    How you respond reveals a lot about yourself that you need to know if you want to continue healing. This works for both positive and negative emotions.

    Positive emotions can tell you what you’ll naturally be drawn to. They can get you into a trap just as easily as negative ones if you’re not vigilant. For example, people who notice they feel great when they win might be tempted to gamble for a chance to win big.

    Negative emotions tell you what you want to avoid. They become a trap when they take center stage. For example, people who fear competition might become so consumed with failure, that they avoid trying.

    Spend time noticing what makes you exceptionally happy, sad, angry, or anxious. Then make connections with your earlier experiences. What themes do you see? Your consistency over time likely defines your personality.

    Learn more about exploring childhood to be healthy.
    The picture that goes with today’s post contains an optical illusion. I found it on the internet. Apparently, it was popular around 2014.

    Genuine Healing Lasts For Eternity

    Genuine Healing Lasts For Eternity

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    Seek healing now. You don’t have to wait for heaven. What happens in this life has relevance for all of eternity. First and foremost is whether a person has a saving relationship with Jesus Christ. A relationship with Jesus has significance right now, not only after this life.

    God knew all the days of your life before you were even born (Psalm 139). The history of what Jesus has done is significant; your history is important too. The healing you receive today will help you endure the remainder of your life on earth. All that Christ has done for you is far more powerful than any sin you’ve experienced (or committed).

    If history was irrelevant, then Jesus, after His resurrection, would have no need to appear with the holes in His hands and feet. But His sacrifice is part of who He is. We praise God for who He is and what He has done for us.

    What Is Healing?

    Every human will heal a cut, bruise, or injury in basically the same way. We can look at healing from several different perspectives:

    • Healing is restoring function back to normal but it could also be improving function beyond previous limits.
    • Healing is the removal of the disease of sin.
    • Healing is knowing the truth on an experiential level (in the heart, not only the head) so that it overcomes the falsehoods spread by evil and caused by sin.

    What are some things that healing is not?

    • Healing does not mean the erasure or numbing of memories.
    • Healing is not coping with pain (through distraction).
    • Healing is not forgetting about sin.

    When God says He forgets our sins, He does not mean this literally. He is condescending to us to help us understand that we do not have to worry about Him reminding us of our sins. God knows everything. He doesn’t forget anything. But He certainly also has dealt with sin once and for all.

    The Healing of Memories

    The healing of a memory means the pain of the memory is neutralized, but the memory itself is retained. It’s the same for our bodies. The healing of a cut might leave a scar, however, the pain is gone and function is restored.

    The nature of healing is to remember personal history, see the truth in what happened, and no longer be negatively affected by it. Love doesn’t keep a record of wrong. That is, it doesn’t keep score and demand payment for deficits. But that doesn’t mean that all such negative events are permanently erased.

    A parent might go through a great deal trying to love their child. It can be painful, but because the parent loves the child, there is no need to forget about the pain. The felt love more than makes up for the difficulty. It helps us know what we consider valuable. It helps us know we wouldn’t change anything if we could have a do-over.

    Consider another example of being shot. Suppose an evil person “X” breaks into a home, shoots people, and leaves with valuables. This would be a traumatic event! For victims to declare that they are fully healed from such an event, they should be able to forgive “X” and view the gun without being retraumatized. This would undoubtedly involve recalling the events, but the sting would no longer be there.

    What Will Healing Be Like In Heaven?

    In heaven, believers will retain all their memories from their earthly lives. They will continue to recognize who they are and where they came from. They will continue to understand who Jesus is. Jesus died for our sins. He is our savior. The intimacy we develop with Him while on earth is real. The time spent knowing Jesus in this life is not in vain.

    Some people believe that God will erase all memories related to sin or negative events — presumably because we won’t be able to handle the pain. But because we are made in God’s image, we can learn to view evil and sin from God’s perspective. Any negatives are manageable from a position of hopeful strength that we will have in full in heaven.

    To believe that our experiences will be forgotten is to discount this life as unreal or unimportant. I would not want my memories erased upon entering heaven. My suffering in this life counts for something. Remembering the bad times helps me appreciate the good times that are only possible because of Jesus’s death and resurrection.

    From the perspective of heaven, present day events will be completely disarmed and unable to cause distress, but at the same time memorable. While completely safe in the presence of Jesus, negative memories will have no destructive power. This same healing can take place today, although not to the same degree.

    The reality of who God is, including what we learn by experiencing His creation, will survive into heaven. God has granted us consciousness by giving us life. I see no reason why that consciousness would be wiped clean upon entering heaven.

    If certain memories were to be completely erased, this would involve an editing process. It would make today’s suffering irrelevant for eternity. Suffering has meaning. Jesus’s sacrificial work has meaning. I can’t see how it would be possible to appreciate Jesus in heaven if we don’t remember what He saved us from.

    Instead, memories will be transformed by the truth so that they do not cause pain. The beauty of understanding memories this way is that it maintains a continuity between this life and the next. You can receive healing today because God’s truth is relevant today and for eternity. Eternity begins for you the moment you become a believer in Jesus Christ.

    Learn more about healing and eternity.
    Will we remember our previous lives in heaven?
    Image by James Glen from Pixabay

    Earnest Rest Reveals God's Favor

    Earnest Rest Reveals God’s Favor

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    Rest makes it possible to perform at your highest level. You probably do your best work when you are relaxed and “in the zone.” Have you experienced this kind of rest? Would you like to learn to enter into the rest God intends for you?

    Find Rest By Finding Your Sweet Spot

    God made you with an identity which is the place of optimal functioning. This sweet spot is where the least amount of effort still produces the maximum output. Hitting your sweet spot is an honorable goal. God intends for you to feel the pleasure of acting from the center of who you are. If you want to know God’s favor, first you must be free to be yourself.

    Sometimes the sweet spot is elusive because of sin and the curse. They cloud and distort who you are. Sometimes you have to do what you don’t particularly want to do. Overcoming the curse requires hard work. The goal isn’t to eliminate your effort, but instead to optimize your effort. You put in your effort while relying on God to carry what you were never meant to carry.

    Find Rest By Compartmentalizing Obligation

    Do you know what it feels like to pursue what you want instead of what you must (because of obligation or responsibility)? God created the sabbath so you can experience unpressured living at least one day out of seven. The lift you gain from one day of rest can carry into the other six days.

    Who are you when you’re under obligation? How do you fill your day to meet the demands of life? Don’t miss this: You’re probably not optimally in touch with your true identity while under obligation. That’s because obligation implies some amount of stress and that changes everything.

    Who are you when you’re not under any obligation? Then, how do you live? This is what you can accomplish during productive play. Restful living means entering into a natural high by functioning at the level of God’s highest purposes for you. This is true recreation — an effort that recovers more energy than it spends.

    Find Rest By Playing

    Fulfilling obligations is necessary. But playing is as important as working. What do you think of when you think of playing? Productive play does not involve low-functioning activities that allow passive living. Your brain can be fully engaged and relaxed during play.

    Whatever you do should have a purpose. Some activities can seem like they have no eternal significance, but if they rejuvenate you, they have value. For example, consider watching a movie. What value do you gain from it? Does it uplift or strengthen you? Does it help you to better understand life? Or does it drain you or lead you into sin?

    To play is to relax. Some people can’t stop working. Their play is only work in disguise. When you practice relaxing, it will help you when you are under the stress of responsibility. You’ll be able to work more efficiently when you are under stress.

    Restful living will be different for each person. What activities bring you more energy as you participate in them? In the movie, Chariots of Fire, Eric Liddell says, “When I run, I feel His pleasure.” Even though he’s exerting himself completely he has entered God’s rest. He’s burdened with running, but not burdened with debilitating anxieties.

    When God’s power is available genuine play is possible. That’s because He does the heavy lifting. Jesus said:

    Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

    Matthew 11:28-30

    Have you ever felt God’s pleasure? You enter God’s rest and He is right there with you expressing His excitement for who you are. God is your cheerleader. Allow His cheers to propel you forward.

    Learn more about play.
    Image by skeeze from Pixabay
    Last Updated 2023/10/15

    Increase Motivation By Developing Conviction

    Increase Motivation By Developing Conviction

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    Convictions produce motivation to accomplish goals. A laundry list of goals is not motivating in itself. To maximize motivation, you need to know how important something is to you and why it is important. When you are motivated from within like this, the motivation cannot easily be taken from you.

    What is apathy and what causes it? Apathy is the opposite of motivation. If apathy is a lack of concern, then motivation is concerned enough to act. The energy required to act is worth the effort because the cause matters to you.

    Burnout Saps Motivation

    Other concepts related to apathy include depression or burnout. Burnout results from attempting something that is beyond your capacity to achieve, refusing to give up, and ignoring self-care. Burnout does not happen overnight. Take a look at this 12 stages of burnout infographic.

    People become burned out when the cause is motivating but the goal or timeframe is unrealistic. For example, wanting to feel better self-worth by working harder is a no-win situation. Working harder cannot permanently build self-worth. It might temporarily feel better, but the feeling will wear off when the achievements slow down.

    Imbalance Saps Motivation

    Becoming overfocused on superficial pursuits can also drain motivation. The activity can be positive like exercise or negative like alcohol consumption. In extreme use, anything can become unhealthy. Anything that becomes a substitute for connecting with God is unhealthy in the long term. That’s because life becomes imbalanced.

    Exercise up to a point provides great benefits, but if pushed to an extreme it becomes harmful. The body wears out. The time is not well spent. Other underutilized activities have untapped potential.

    In the case of exercise, the effect is directly physical. In the case of stress (burnout), the effect is indirect, but no less demotivating. Hope thrives on seeing results from the effort spent. If nothing you can do will produce results, the situation is hopeless. Progressing in burnout moves toward increasingly diminished margins of return.

    What is conviction? It’s not really any different than faith.

    Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

    Hebrews 11:1 ESV

    Faith is conviction. The most important things in life are the spiritual unseen realities. If you have faith in a bridge, you will cross it. If you are fearful you won’t. Having conviction about the strength of a bridge means you are convinced that the bridge will support your weight. Therefore, you can see that faith leads to motivation and motivation to good works. If you fully believe something is true, how can you not act on what you know?

    What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

    James 2:14-17 ESV

    So then, what if you are not motivated? What if your life feels directionless? What if you suffer from apathy or depression? Some situations like losing a loved one or losing a job naturally result in grief. While grieving, people are expected to feel motivated. So there is definitely a time to put activity aside and just be. Aside from grief and a physical health problem, there is a good chance that feeling lethargic is a lack of conviction.

    Conviction is faith and faith will always point to some action. Maybe this is what Jesus meant when discussing having even a small amount of faith. The smallest amount of pure faith is largely motivating!

    Afterward the disciples asked Jesus privately, “Why couldn’t we cast out that demon?” “You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.

    Matthew 17:19-20 NLT

    Learn more about the difference between being stubborn and being tenacious.
    Image by GOKALP ISCAN from Pixabay

    Shame Is A Prison

    Shame Is A Prison

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    Shame might be a prison, but Christians are no longer prisoners. You have the freedom to leave the cell anytime. Past behavior can fuel guilt and shame only because of a poor understanding of what God has done for you.

    What you do does not define who you are. What you do is only one moment in time. What you do might be mean, evil, or hurtful. If we could never change, then what we do would offer a picture of who we are. We would bear the shame of our actions forever.

    Fortunately, because of a relationship with God, we can grow more loving. In this case, the hurt that Christians cause does not ultimately define who they are. God has shown us a better way and He is helping us have the heart that can love like He does.

    Shame Results When You Fail To Look To God For Definition

    Tenth Avenue North has a fantastic song, You Are More. You are more than what you do. That’s true because worth ultimately originates outside of creation altogether. Only God, as Creator, has the power to define what is worthy.

    Those who look to him are radiant;
        their faces are never covered with shame.

    Psalm 34:5 NIV

    If you only look within and find defects and sin you will experience shame. When you believe that doing defines who you are, you’ll be caught in hopelessness. I started my book, Confident Identity, with the following description:

    Shame is the deep-down sense that who you are is defective and worthless and therefore, you aren’t needed or wanted by anyone. Shame is a problem of epidemic proportions. All who struggle with it become isolated from the cause and the cure: relationship. Relationships have the potential to affirm or to reject who you are.

    Shame can be activated when someone has done something wrong to you or you’ve done something wrong. It lingers when you haven’t received forgiveness and acceptance. Abuse, getting what you don’t need, and neglect, not getting what you do need, aggravate your need for acceptance.

    Accepting God’s Acceptance Cancels Shame

    God accepted Mary and He accepts all His children no less.

    And the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God.

    Luke 1:30 ESV

    He accepts you because of Christ’s sacrifice, no doubt. But Christ’s sacrifice was not given begrudgingly for a people that He believed to be worthless. He loves and saves because that’s who He is. But the people He sacrificed for have worth. His sacrifice proves exactly how valuable they are. He accepts you because of who you are – who He made you to be – not what you’ve done.

    Emotional health requires the ability to separate the results of wrongdoing (guilt and shame) from the benefits of unconditional love (peace and confidence).

    For all Christians, guilt and shame should be temporary and acceptance should be eternal. God allows you to reconsider what you’ve done and start with a clean slate. This means hope.

    Shame thrives without the hope of forgiveness and a new start. It is only possible when you feel trapped in a prison cell with no hope of escaping. Make a list right now of what is keeping you in prison. For every hopeless situation, God has a way out. Nothing is impossible with God. Elizabeth, Mary’s relative, conceived in her old age.

    And behold, your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son, and this is the sixth month with her who was called barren. For nothing will be impossible with God.” And Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” And the angel departed from her.

    Luke 1:36-38 ESV

    Tell God you’re ready to start over with a clean slate. Ask Him to show you the way out. Then tell Him to, “let it be to me.”

    Learn more about overcoming shame.
    Image by Jeff Jacobs from Pixabay

    Choose Between Being Stubborn Or Tenacious

    Choose Between Being Stubborn Or Tenacious

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    To be stubborn is to cling to the status quo, especially when it’s not optimal. Stubbornness is the approach of people who do not like change. If there is a good side to being stubborn, that’s called being tenacious. Tenacity is perfect when what is already in place is the best. Tenacity is also perfect for an unwavering pursuit of the truth.

    Stubbornness has a negative connotation of holding onto something that isn’t worth it. Tenacity has a positive connotation of holding onto something worthwhile–the truth. The truth can be in hand or out of reach. Either way, the tenacious person lets nothing stand in the way of the truth.

    What happens when a life event challenges your belief system? That’s an identity crisis. It can be extremely disorienting. The most positive outcome of an identity crisis is the establishment of a firmer grasp of the truth. Of course, then, a negative outcome would be to lose the truth–to spiral further away from it into chaos. Such a person is truly lost.

    A lack of identity feels like sinking without reaching a firm bottom. You feel squishy, inadequate, and ashamed. A crisis can help strengthen your identity. In this sense, what doesn’t disorient you only makes you stronger.

    To be truly stubborn is to cling to your biases even when they are irrational (and false). In this sense, stubbornness chooses self over God. It’s also a cry to be recognized for who you are.

    Choose Stubbornness For Stability

    Change can be stressful. Sometimes the status quo is a valid choice. Life can be intimidating sometimes. It’s okay to stop and catch your breath. But a quick fix won’t last long. A consistent pattern of avoidance isn’t healthy. Because the need for stability is so strong, it’s possible to settle for a false sense of security.

    Stubborn people pursue self-protection even when it costs them their integrity. They might lie and people-please to minimize their contact with reality. Stubborn people are foolish (prideful). They are like the people who build their houses on the sand instead of the rock. Their houses might go up quickly, but they won’t last nearly as long as the houses built upon the rock.

    “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.”

    Matthew 7:24-27 ESV

    Stubborn people are short-sighted. They cling to what is immediately good at the cost of what is ultimately good. The need to feel gratified creates a strong temptation to remain biased. People are irrational. They can believe that right is wrong and wrong is right when doing so validates their current behavior.

    Experiencing inner stability is essential. You should seek to achieve it first. But then, if you want life to be meaningful, the next step is to seek the truth. Stability is not an end in itself; it is only a place of rest on the way to the truth.

    Choose Tenacity For Truth

    As disruptive as the truth might be, it’s the only way to construct a firm foundation. In order to seek God and His truth, you must be willing to give up the false security of your biases. To be tenacious, you must humble yourself. The good news is that God accepts the humble person, giving them grace (James 4:6).

    Tenacity has positive, forward momentum. A tenacious person pursues a higher goal without ever giving up. Sometimes the truth stings. But the tenacious person welcomes the truth even when it produces a temporary wound.

    Tenacious people are willing to look at whatever inaccuracies, faults, or flat-out lies are preventing them from moving forward. They care more about the higher cause than how comfortable they are. Therefore, they are willing to give up their self-protective pretenses.

    How about you? Are you willing to sacrifice your comfort in order to build something lasting?

    If so, it’s okay to start small. The direction you travel is more important than your current position. Take the risk to be tenacious and you will never be lost.

    Learn more about traveling by faith.
    Image by Azmi Talib from Pixabay
    Last edited 2023/08/06

    On The Fringe: The Truth About The Struggle To Belong

    On The Fringe: The Truth About The Struggle To Belong

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    Fringe, a TV show about weird, scientifically unexplainable events in the universe, debuted in 2008. It drew my interest at first because of the possibilities of the unknown. Because, well, exploring the mysteries of life is exciting.

    “Fringe” can have a much broader definition than scientific anomalies. It has a connotation of “flaky” or “fragile.” If someone is teetering on the edge of an abyss they are on the fringe. They are one step away from slipping out of a meaningful existence. They are like Frodo when he puts on the evil ring; he must fight to not be drawn into the shadow world.

    Non-Christians are on the Fringe

    Without Christ, it’s easy to become lost in an endless pursuit of mysterious unknowns. Maybe there is something of substance beyond the fringe? Maybe an alien race is monitoring our every move. What else is out there?

    You can become hooked on the lottery for the same reasons. Having lots of money sounds good, so it must be a good idea to buy into the lottery. I’ve got nothing else to do. I’ve got nothing to lose. — even though the odds of winning are small. You might say you have a fringe of a chance.

    The craving to seek and discover is a good (God-given) desire. However, some people will tenaciously pursue strange, made-up phenomena, while at the same time refusing to acknowledge the existence of a real God that cries out to them through His creation.

    For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.

    Romans 1:20 NIV

    One definition of fringe is being “at the part of something that is farthest from the center.” This describes non-Christians quite well. They are present, able to see but choosing to face away from the center and pursue the outermost fringes of God’s creation. They keep hoping to find the fulfillment of their inner hunger in anything but God.

    Are You, Christian, on The Fringe?

    Another definition of fringe is “not completely belonging to or accepted by a group of people who share the same job, activities, etc.” It’s possible to be a Christian and know Christ, but still feel like you are on the fringe. This shouldn’t be so.

    Do you feel like you are on the fringe? Are you hanging in the balance? Do you know you have worth, but can’t seem to feel your true worth in Christ?

    Christ calls all who belong to Him to move toward Him. Because of His awesome sacrifice, all who are far away from the center are able to move toward the center.

    Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

    Hebrews 4:16 NIV

    “I am weird” and “I am worthless” are lies. Just because others don’t understand you (even other Christians) or you haven’t found a way to meet your needs doesn’t mean you are fringe material. Every one of God’s people belongs.

    Living according to God’s plan for you means you will need to walk a different path than others walk. You have God’s favor as you walk on the path He made for you (see John 21:20-23).

    God smiles as He thinks of you. God is always thinking about you. God is smiling at you. Look up to see His face.

    Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy;
        no shadow of shame will darken their faces.

    Psalm 34:5 NLT

    Learn more about belonging.
    More on the TV show at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fringe_(TV_series)
    Definition from https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/on-the-fringes-of-something
    Image by Aravind kumar from Pixabay

    Authentic Sharing Leaves People Blessed

    Authentic Sharing Leaves People Blessed

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    We thrive when God shares His life with us through Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Sharing your life with others might be the best way to encourage someone. Paul describes his desire for mutual edification to the believers in Rome:

    One of the things I always pray for is the opportunity, God willing, to come at last to see you. For I long to visit you so I can bring you some spiritual gift that will help you grow strong in the Lord. When we get together, I want to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours.

    Romans 1:10-12 NLT

    A testimony is a statement of personal experience. It can’t be refuted, but it is also hard to deny. Testimonies are usually intentional and planned, but casual sharing can be just as effective.

    Sharing Your Spirit is a Blessing

    Others need your perspective. It can be incredibly encouraging just to hear someone else acknowledge God’s truth as real. God gives us life to share with others. What is more precious than life? Sharing your life is like a supercharged spiritual discipline.

    Because we are made in God’s image, we are spirit at our core too. God made us to have some control over what we keep hidden and what we reveal.

    For God is Spirit, so those who worship him must worship in spirit and in truth.

    John 4:24 NLT

    If God invests in revealing who He is to us, we should also spend time revealing ourselves to each other. By sharing ourselves we are also revealing who God is because God lives within us. This kind of spiritual sharing goes beyond sharing physical resources.

    God’s Spirit has shown you everything. His Spirit finds out everything, even what is deep in the mind of God.

    1 Corinthians 2:10 CEV

    To see and know God is eternal life (John 17:3).

    Mutual Sharing is Superior

    What is motivating you when you share? Interestingly enough, sharing benefits both the speaker and the listener. In most relationships, balanced sharing is more rewarding. Listening can be work but it can also be an act of receiving a blessing. Speaking can be work, for example when someone is teaching, but it can also be advantageous.

    The speaker is blessed by knowing that what is shared makes a difference in someone else’s life. Sharing is also important for another more subtle reason: not sharing is unnatural. An example of this is when someone gives another the silent treatment. People become emotionally sick when they cannot share their lives with others.

    Even though sharing is beneficial, this doesn’t mean it is healthy to share indiscriminately. Even God reveals Himself only to specific people.

    My Father has entrusted everything to me. No one truly knows the Son except the Father, and no one truly knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.

    Luke 10:22 NLT

    Some people have no interest or use for God’s words. They do not understand. They do not know eternal life. God says that you don’t have to waste your time with these people. But there are plenty of others who are poor in spirit. They want to hear the words of truth. They are hungry for the life you have flowing within you.

    Don’t give to dogs what belongs to God. They will only turn and attack you. Don’t throw pearls down in front of pigs. They will trample all over them.

    Matthew 7:6 CEV

    Too often people are taught to not be selfish and to listen more than speak. But if everyone followed this advice, no one would be talking! I encourage you to intentionally seek a balance in your relationships. Both speaking and listening are powerful blessings.

    When you speak, be deliberate about sharing the best parts of your spiritual life. What has God been doing in your heart? When you are listening to others, realize they are sharing the “pearls of the kingdom” with you. You are treading on holy ground. Be respectful of this blessing.

    Speak and listen with all of your heart.

    Learn about overcoming shame.
    Learn about the limits of self-revelation.
    Photo by LinkedIn Sales Solutions on Unsplash

    How To Desire Without Guilt

    How To Desire Without Guilt

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    Desires are not a dichotomy of good and evil. All the desires God created are good when they are expressed how God intended them to be.

    When we are tempted to fulfill a desire for the wrong reasons, it can be equally tempting to throw out the desire altogether. For example, if people are addicted to food, they might overcompensate and decide to eat too little. However, eating too little is just as unhealthy as eating too much.

    God would have us learn how to regulate our desires, that is, to use them in the right way. Not over-indulging and not depriving out of guilt. The goal is self-control, a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).

    What are Desires and When Can I Fulfill Them?

    Desires are human drives, appetites, needs, and wants such as:

    • Food
    • Sexual intimacy
    • Physical touch
    • Compassion
    • Power
    • Control
    • Bravery
    • Love
    • Respect

    All of these desires can have positive and negative expressions. It’s a matter of timing, situation, and motive. Some are more obvious than others. There’s a right time to eat and a wrong time to eat. There’s a right and a wrong time for sex. Even physical touch is not always appropriate.

    What happens when one of these desires becomes an idol? A person might continue to eat beyond what will be helpful for their body. They might eat for pleasure alone to escape the pain of life. A person might seek sexual intimacy or physical touch, involving others without their permission.

    What about power and control? They have a more negative connotation, don’t they? But God couldn’t be God without them. Power and control are more often than not used to gain an advantage over another for one’s own benefit. But they can be equally used to protect the vulnerable and accomplish great works.

    There’s a time to act with bravery and a time to be humble or accepting instead. Action is not always the answer.

    Love is harder to see how it can become a problem. God is love. Love is a fruit of the Spirit. Godly love has a perfect balance to it, so it’s always appropriate (Galatians 5:22-23). Yet in our human attempts at love, we can actually hurt others. Being only kind to someone when they need truth is not loving. Respect is similar. It would seem that respect is always a good attitude. And it would be, except evil shouldn’t be respected.

    None of these virtues is the only solution for all time in all situations. To better understand how any one desire is not enough, imagine a world where only one desire existed (eating for example). God created a world more interesting and dynamic than that. We are not robots. Wisdom calls us to apply the right action at the right time according to the need (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8; Romans 12:15; Galatians 6:1-5).

    The How of Desire Trumps The What

    I’ve established that is not necessary to fulfill a desire all the time. God takes this idea a step further in Romans 14. He says that there are times when we should abstain from an activity we consider to be good if it would cause a fellow believer spiritual distress (v. 15).

    You may believe there’s nothing wrong with what you are doing, but keep it between yourself and God. Blessed are those who don’t feel guilty for doing something they have decided is right. But if you have doubts about whether or not you should eat something, you are sinning if you go ahead and do it. For you are not following your convictions. If you do anything you believe is not right, you are sinning.

    Romans 14:22-23 NLT

    To fulfill desires without guilt, you must develop, train, and follow your convictions. Your conscience matters in determining what is right or wrong. It’s important to realize that living by faith is the same as living with a clear conscience. If you are in right relationship with God, what you do will be right, too.

    If you have an over-active conscience or a seared conscience, ask God to restore you to a healthy conscience so you can live free of guilt and condemnation.

    Read more about guilt.
    Image by Steve Buissinne from Pixabay

    Grieving Frees You From A Trapped Life

    Grieving Frees You From A Trapped Life

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    I’ve discovered that grieving is a way to become unstuck. It’s a process of coming to accept what seems unacceptable. It changes you for the good, but it leaves you different.

    Can you remember a time when you felt stuck? Perhaps you wanted to change but weren’t sure who or what would help. Maybe you had already tried many solutions. I have been there many times.

    You can only experience something for the first time once in your life. Once you experience it, you are changed. Those second and following experiences aren’t the same. Consider—the first bite of that heavenly dessert or that first sip of refreshingly cold water on a scorching hot day. Though you may finish the rest, it won’t be the same as the first.

    Life is like a series of gates you go through. The gates are one-way doors. After you go through them, you can’t go back. All you can do is view the past from a distance. Here are three reasons why you should become better at grieving.

    Grieving Helps You Let Go of Regrets

    For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.

    2 Corinthians 7:10 ESV

    It’s better to realize too late that you could have handled a situation better than to never realize it at all. How many times have you wished for a do-over?

    Sometimes life can feel like a rushing river is escorting you through the gates faster than you want to go. As you careen downstream, you hit some rocks; there isn’t time to catch your breath. You can feel trapped because rivers don’t flow backward.

    Is there no way to go back so you can erase your mistakes? If you can’t make it so it never happened, is there any point in dwelling on it?

    Godly grief allows you to move forward into a new way of living that embraces God’s ability to make all things work for good (Romans 8:28). But to move forward, you must revisit the past. You can’t change the past, but you can change yourself. Grieving allows you to see your mistakes and sit with them for a time. This is important because it gives the past proper significance. It is natural and understandable for us to want to quickly forget about the pain, but when we do, we miss the depth of recovery.

    Grieving gives you time to receive God’s words of forgiveness and healing. Worldly grief keeps you stubborn and unwilling to accept God’s help—you are sorry to be stuck, but don’t want to do the hard work to heal. People stuck in worldly grief, even if their pain goes away, have nothing to show for their time. They don’t care about learning a lesson.

    Grieving Helps You Wait For God

    Sometimes life can feel like a riverbed that dried up so long ago you can’t remember when. The gate in front of you seems to be permanently blocked. You think you are ready to move on, but God has other plans and says “wait.” He wants you to linger where you are for a while. You feel trapped because you can’t move forward into the future, the past seems irrelevant, and the present is boring or painful.

    But during this time, you make the effort to learn that God is sufficient for all your needs.

    Deep in my heart I say, “The Lord is all I need; I can depend on him!

    The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.

    It is good to wait patiently for the Lord to save us.

    Lamentations 3:24 (CEV) 25 (ESV) 26 (CEV)

    The way forward won’t be closed forever. If you find that it is currently closed, then there’s more to do in this chapter of your life before you move on to the next.

    While you are waiting, you can seek God by asking Him to accomplish His plans in your life so you can eventually open the door. Tell Him how you feel a deep sense of frustration because you can’t reach the future you desire. Ask God to reveal what important task remains to be accomplished.

    Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

    Matthew 7:7-8 NIV

    Allow God to meet you here. This might be a time to be fully in the present moment and to cultivate contentedness. Slow down and enjoy the time you have now. After you move forward, you’ll only be able to return through your memories.

    Grieving Helps You Step Through the Open Door

    Sometimes life can feel like you are on a calm lake but you are approaching a waterfall. You fear for your survival. The way forward is dreadful. You’d rather enjoy the serenity of the lake.

    Say not, “Why were the former days better than these?” For it is not from wisdom that you ask this.

    Ecclesiastes 7:10 ESV

    Most people think of grieving as coming to accept a loss, but longing for the so-called “good ol’ days” is also a form of grieving. With each passing gate, a melancholy nostalgia can build. The older you are, the more there is that will never be again.

    The older I get, the more I realize that I won’t be able to accomplish everything on my to-do list. Prioritization matters at every age, but its value becomes abundantly clear later in life.

    Grieving is a process that can transform you as you sort through memories and bring closure to them. If the past seems to be the happiest you will ever be, think again! Prepare your heart for what else God has in store for you. Passing by the old things also means God is doing something new right now and He will do even more tomorrow.

    For I am about to do something new.
        See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
    I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
        I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.

    Isaiah 43:19 NLT

    What body of water best describes your current season of life? Remember that God is a masterful gatekeeper. Allow Him to guide you through the wilderness with all He provides. Seek wisdom from God (see Ecclesiastes 7:8-14 for more insight into grieving).

    Read more about 3 Steps to Achieve Healthy Grieving
    Image by santiagotorrescl95 from Pixabay
    Updated and Expanded July 10, 2022

    The Christian’s Advantage to Lasting Fulfillment

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    The secret to fulfillment is hunger. The stronger your desire, the greater your fulfillment. You can strengthen your desires by first being aware of them and then correctly prioritizing them.

    You can starve for lack of a healthy desire. When you ache for the right stuff, you’ll be satisfied.

    Do you realize you have more than one way to experience fulfillment?

    When most people think of their desires, they focus on their immediate physical needs. But God also created you with emotional and spiritual desires, which provide a deeper level of satisfaction. Think of these desires as three stomachs, each with its distinct appetite or craving:

    1. Worldly Desires (food, sex, entertainment, etc.)
    2. Identity Desires (purpose, love, etc.)
    3. Kingdom Desires (glorifying God by living for Christ)

    To experience contentment and satisfaction, you must learn how to manage your desires. You can’t rely on one stomach to the exclusion of the others. You’d starve. The secret to fulfillment is attending to all three desires with the right priority and balance.

    After your worldly fulfillment reaches its capacity, move on to experiencing and fulfilling your identity desires. As your identity fulfillment reaches its capacity, move on to your kingdom desires.

    Worldly Desires

    Worldly desires are temporary physical wants or needs. They won’t be around in heaven, or they’ll function differently. Physical desires are like sugar. Sugar is highly desirable but fails to provide lasting nutrition.

    Being satisfied, content, and fulfilled aren’t only possible, they’re also God’s will for you. However, gaining your heart’s desire doesn’t mean you can have every possession or pleasure you’ve ever wanted. Having every superficial want met in the way you want it isn’t possible. If you eat too much of the same food, your taste for the food will eventually become saturated.

    Instant pleasure is different than lasting joy. Most things are wants, not needs. If you ache too long for the wrong things you might end up getting what you want.

    Don’t make the things of life more important than God intended. If you don’t exercise self-control, you could end up getting what you want without fulfilling God’s purpose for your life. Some desires really are distractions and not worth the effort.

    Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

    Matthew 10:39 ESV

    Identity Desires

    Identity desires are like organic, whole foods. They fully nourish and fill you in ways that sugar can’t.

    Meeting these desires should take priority over your worldly desires. When you focus on identity desires, you reach for the best things in life — the things that no one can steal.

    Five longings God meets when you’re His child:

    1. Unconditional Love and Acceptance: God knows who you really are. He always sees you at your best, even when you’re at your worst. God is love.
    2. Persistent Hope: God has the plan to make life better. At some point in the future, life is guaranteed to be perfect and last forever.
    3. Imminent Purpose: God created you to play a critical role in accomplishing His plans. God wants your active participation. God has a specific purpose for your existence. In this respect, you’re indispensable. You aren’t optional or replaceable. You’re significant and important.
    4. Faithful Security: God is always with you. He will never abandon you. He will never leave you nor forsake you.
    5. Meaningful Connection: God participates in an interactive relationship with you. God wants a dialogue with you. God is your father.

    God is responsible for meeting these needs. No other person is completely capable like God is. Cloud and Townsend say that relationships are God’s delivery system for all emotional needs. However, you can’t expect or insist any one particular person meets your needs.

    You won’t be able to enjoy life unless your identity desires are being met. If you’re unsatisfied with work and life, this probably means a basic emotional need is unmet. When these needs go unmet, your hunger should drive you back to God.

    Kingdom Desires

    Kingdom Desires are fulfilled by spiritual food. While all healthy desires are from God, kingdom desires are an exceptional hunger for seeing God’s work completed.

    Meanwhile his disciples urged him, “Rabbi, eat something.”
    But he said to them, “I have food to eat that you know nothing about.”
    Then his disciples said to each other, “Could someone have brought him food?”
    “My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work.”

    —John 4:31–34

    You have an advantage as a Christian. You have a stomach (an appetite) for spiritual fulfillment. Humans won’t ever be completely satisfied until they experience a spiritual hunger only God can fill.

    Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
    Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
    for they will be filled.

    —Matthew 5:3, 6

    If your identity desires are met, you should be able to pursue your kingdom desires. But this doesn’t mean you’ll naturally pursue kingdom desires unless you intentionally put them first. To appreciate spiritual fulfillment sometimes you must fast from worldly desires and look beyond identity desires.

    God desires that you pursue Christlikeness and fulfill the great commission. When Paul explains contentment to Timothy, he mentions several examples of Christlike behavior: righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, and gentleness.

    But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness.

    —1 Timothy 6:6–11

    Godliness is acting maturely like God. Contentment means you’re satisfied with what you have while pursuing God’s kingdom. Don’t give up the eternal in order to hold onto the temporary.

    How fulfilled are you as a Christian? Do you see your advantage? Isn’t God amazing how He created you to have multiple appetites? What can you do right now to ensure you have a balanced desire diet?

    Photo by Edgar Castrejon on Unsplash

    Wake Up From A Terrifying Dream

    Wake Up From A Terrifying Dream

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    Do you remember your dreams? Some people sleep so soundly that they rarely wake up in the middle of a dream. Dreams can help you process your understanding of the world, yourself, and God.

    Dreams are interesting. Sometimes they can feel real. They can be wonderful-exciting but they can also be scary-exciting–at least until you wake up from them. How can you tell if you’re in reality or in a story about your reality? Sometimes you can’t see the difference until you wake up. Being awake allows for a greater degree of awareness. Once you’re awake you can do a reality check. “That was so weird. Thank God that was only a dream.”

    But even when we are “awake”, we can still be asleep. I am thinking of being spiritually blinded to God’s truth. One day, in heaven, Christians will be fully awake and able to see everything clearly.

    For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

    1 Corinthians 13:12 ESV

    Seek Truth To Wake Up

    The way you understand the world should be constantly changing. As a child, what you experience early on becomes your best understanding of what the world is all about. If that experience was horrible or even neutral, you’ll form that kind of worldview (understanding of the world) and self-image (understanding of yourself).

    Until you experience God’s truth, which points you toward God, your understanding will continue to deteriorate. You’ll become more deceived as you continue to live with your vision blurred and darkened. Thank God that He has redeemed us. He is calling us out of the darkness so we can wake up from a bad dream.

    But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.

    1 Peter 2:9-10 NIV

    Having mercy and never receiving mercy are two very different places to be.

    Seek Ephiphanies To Wake Up

    What you experience becomes truth to you until something more true takes its place. Something totally wrong can feel definitively true. When God gives you a new heart and exposes you to the light, only then can you see the contrast. This experience can be so shocking, it’s hard to discern what is true and what is false. A psychological term for this is cognitive dissonance.

    Cognitive dissonance is good for you. When you struggle to make sense of life, you are experiencing an opportunity to grow–to move further into the light. You should be experiencing epiphanies regularly. Here are some examples:

    • Do you remember the first time you realized that Santa Claus wasn’t real?
    • Have you developed your own worldview, or are you still running off of your parent’s worldview?
    • How does your view of the opposite sex compare to when you were 10 years old?
    • If you’re married, do you remember what you thought marriage was before married?
    • What was your life like before you became a Christian? How do you see God differently now?
    • How has your self-worth changed over the years?

    How have you changed in the past year? What has God been doing to help you wake up from your false beliefs? Take a moment to thank God for His light. Ask Him to shine it upon you so you can see more clearly.

    The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.

    Numbers 6:24-26 NIV

    Read more about truth and lies.
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    Maturity Requires Radical Breakthrough Change

    Maturity Requires Radical Breakthrough Change

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    Maturity is that process we all go through but also resist. We want the benefits of maturity but not the required labor. The good news is that the sooner you start the process, the less work you have to do later in life.

    Start children off on the way they should go,
        and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

    Proverbs 22:6 NIV

    This proverb is stated in the positive, but it can be equally true for the negative. Whatever we learn early in life, even if negative, can be extremely difficult to change. That’s because whatever we experience early and regularly becomes normal. In this context, normal is like cement. It’s not indestructible, but it takes a lot of work to remove and replace it.

    God places in our hearts a desire for meaning and purpose. We can look at life and draw conclusions and form understandings. Inevitably, we will have the opportunity to realize we have developed a distorted worldview. Then, even if it would result in a better, more true worldview, we’d still rather not go through the disorientation of blowing up our old one. So we can stubbornly resist change which is only good if we got it right the first time.

    Maturity Requires Love and Discipline

    God creates each person with a unique identity. We start with this potential predetermined. But a person’s environment can confuse or conceal a person’s true identity. You can think you are one way (such as worthless), but in reality, you are not (you are valuable).

    Parents have a significant degree of influence over their children. There are many different skills needed to be good at parenting, but we will only look at love and expectations. Love can also be the quality of a relationship. Expectations can also be the degree of discipline.

    If love and discipline can take on values of low or high, this simplifies parenting styles into 4 categories:

    1. Low Love and Low Discipline = Neglectful Parenting
    2. High Love and Low Discipline = Indulgent Parenting
    3. Low Love and High Discipline = Performance Parenting
    4. High Love and High Discipline = Optimal Parenting

    Each parenting style will tend to create a particular worldview:

    1. Neglectful Parenting -> Lost Child
    2. Indulgent Parenting -> Spoiled Child
    3. Performance Parenting -> Perfectionistic Child
    4. Optimal Parenting -> Mature Child

    If you are reading this, chances are you are already an adult. The cement probably dried a long time ago. But it’s never too late to improve upon your worldview. What will it take to see significant improvement?

    Maturity for the Lost

    Someone who has experienced little love (grace, nurture, encouragement, support) and little discipline (correction, structure, firm boundaries) can feel lost. So much is missing that is essential to understanding the person’s God-given identity.

    The message parents send: Figure out life on your own.

    These people need more love initially and then need to have discipline gradually introduced.

    Maturity for the Spoiled

    Someone who has experienced a good amount of nurture, but little discipline can feel entitled. This person’s worldview could be something like: So far, everyone has made life too easy, so why shouldn’t it continue that way?

    The message parents send: You don’t have to pull any weight. I’ll do it for you.

    These people need to learn that God designed them to carry their own weight and also to help others who genuinely need help.

    Maturity for the Perfectionistic

    Someone who has experienced a good amount of discipline, but little nurture can come to believe self-worth is based on performance. This person’s worldview could be something like: I am only valuable when I perform exceptionally well on my responsibilities.

    The message parents send: Pull your weight and everybody else’s too.

    These people need to learn that God never meant for them to over-extend themselves.

    Maturity for the Mature

    Someone who has experienced a good amount of nurture and discipline is probably relatively mature. This person’s worldview is likely positive and balanced: I can love myself and love others, even if it means some suffering on my part.

    The message parents send: Pull the weight you were designed to pull.

    Hopefully, you can see that only Jesus is able to fully love Himself, God, and others. No parent is perfect. Jesus didn’t have perfect earthly parents, but He did have a complete connection with God.

    You can’t be perfect, but you can mature over time and follow God’s calling to be more like Jesus.

    Read more about seeing reality clearly.
    Image by Simon from Pixabay

    Suffer For The Right Reasons

    Suffer For The Right Reasons

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    God works out everything for the good of those who love Him. But in the midst of suffering, those words from Romans 8:28 can feel trite. God wants us not to repay evil for evil. The person that can achieve this will demonstrate that God is real (1 Peter 3:15). That’s because the ability to respond to evil with kindness can only come from God.

    However, the right response doesn’t always mean continuing to allow someone to take advantage of you. There are times when it makes sense to move out of harm’s way and times when God calls us to suffer for His purposes.

    Appropriate Suffering Advances God’s Kingdom

    When God expects us to endure suffering, there is always a purpose with eternal consequences. Enduring hardship for the right reasons allows God’s purposes to come to fruition. Because of sin, we live in a world where doing the right thing often results in suffering:

    • we don’t feel better and might even feel worse
    • we don’t get what we want and might even feel miserable
    • our immediate living (on this earth) might seem unproductive (by this world’s definition)

    Jesus has an extremely difficult teaching for us. God’s kingdom is more important than any happiness or satisfaction you can derive from this life.

    There are many different paths people can walk on in life. But there is only one kind of path that takes you to a desirable destination. It is the path of suffering and growth. This path is undesirable because it is difficult to walk. Choosing this path is counter-intuitive. It’s the right path, but it will feel wrong because it’s impossible to walk it without suffering.

    The other paths appear much more desirable and are much easier to walk. In fact, there may even lead to a long period of ease and pleasure. But there is a catch: the journey is easy, but the destination is undesirable. What good is an easy path if it only takes you to an accursed destination?

    Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

    Matthew 7:13-14 NIV

    Needless Suffering Only Contributes to Evil

    Hopefully, I have made the case that suffering is necessary and natural some of the time–when it is directly connected to keeping your faith in Jesus and your witness to Him.

    Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

    Matthew 5:11-12 NIV

    But there are probably even more ways we all suffer needlessly. There is no reason to allow suffering to continue in any of the following circumstances.

    • The suffering does not advance God’s purposes
    • The adversity only harms or confuses the person being hurt (such as when a child is abused). The person does not have the capacity to endure the suffering without loss of personal integrity.
    • Pure evil is causing the torment, so there is no way that tolerating it will soften a heart.

    In any of these kinds of situations, do all that you can to prevent or stop the suffering. Don’t embrace pain if you don’t have to. God’s will is not to suffer needlessly. But it is God’s will that you walk the path that leads to life, which often involves some heartache to accomplish God’s kingdom work.

    For it is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil.

    1 Peter 3:17 NIV

    Finally, remember that even though the right path has many difficulties and obstacles, it is still the only sane path (all other paths lead to destruction), and God guarantees that once you start on the path, you will reach the glorious destination (heaven).

    The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all;

    Psalm 34:19 NIV

    Read more about avoiding needless suffering.
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    How To Grow More Confident

    How To Grow More Confident

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    Who wants to be confident? Everybody does That’s because possessing confidence means you have resilience, reliability, and strength. We are all familiar with what its opposite involves: self-doubt, insecurity, and discouragement. The cost of a lack of confidence is high.

    So, why aren’t more people brimming over with confidence? Because it comes with a price. Are you willing to endure whatever it takes to gain this sense of peace and security?

    To become strong, you first need to be more fully in touch with the ways you are weak. How aware are you of how you are doing emotionally? Fortunately, there is a shortcut to finding and building your endurance and confidence.

    Listen To Your Body To Grow Confident

    When I go running for more than a few minutes, my focus changes. As fatigue sets in, I have to motivate myself to keep going. I become more aware of the finish line. How much farther do I have to go? Will I be able to make it without stopping?

    Fatigue can result in discouragement or you can allow it to produce a determination to keep going. When I become fatigued while running, it’s nearly impossible not to notice the strain on my body. But what is more interesting is how my physical health and my emotional health are linked.

    God made our brains to store similar experiences together. Running triggers my brain to focus on the theme of whatever is desperately concerning me. When my body protests because of the physical strain, my brain brings my most serious emotional concerns into my awareness. I become flooded with what matters most to me. The thoughts can be obstacles on my path to a life well-lived.

    Test Your Limits To Grow Confident

    To grow in endurance, you have to test your limits. The testing identifies weak areas that need strengthening. Growth is stressful, usually requiring an upfront investment for a future payoff. Growth costs you your immediate state of relaxation.

    When we can trust God with this process, the value of the reward far exceeds the stress.

    Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory.

    We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

    Romans 5:1-5 NLT

    God is saying your problems and trials lead to a satisfying, secure, and confident hope. The development of character is the proof of your salvation–your entrance into heaven and eternal life. Furthermore, a heart full of love has no room for fear.

    There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

    1 John 4:18 NIV

    The next time you want to feel better, try wearing yourself out exercising (or whatever works for you). Then note what surfaces in your mind. That could be an area of weakness that God is working on so you can feel more confident.

    We can see life as a painful struggle, but God sees it as endurance training. And endurance results in many good things such as peace, confidence, and character.

    Read more about confidence.
    Image by skeeze from Pixabay
    Last Edited 2023/01/29