Identity in Christ

Decision-Making Made Clear and Confident

March 13, 2022 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

Decision-making is challenging to the degree people are reluctant to make use of a worldview. In this context, a worldview is a set of prioritized values (convictions) that you can use to evaluate opportunities.

Making a decision requires discriminating between alternatives. To discriminate means to judge one opportunity as better than another. People who don’t like to be judgmental can therefore struggle to make decisions. For everything elevated as more valuable, there must be something else devalued. People who like to people-please can be reluctant to make a decision when no option will leave everyone happy.

You can become confused when you have too many options and no way to either emphasize the best ones as superior or eliminate the worst ones. You have two alternatives to make this decision-making easier. First, by choosing the best option, you don’t have to declare any option as bad (a more positive approach). Second, by rejecting the worse option, you can completely eliminate it from consideration (a more negative approach). Different personalities might prefer one alternative over the other.

Decision-Making with Spiritual Discernment

You can formulate your worldview with spiritual discernment. God is good. The devil is evil. Worldviews simplify decision-making options into right or wrong. Racism and other unhealthy discrimination result from choosing other categories for evaluation. Instead of good or evil, people choose false dichotomies like black or white, conservative or liberal, male or female, native or foreign. These are false dichotomies because, for example, while a person can only be born male or female, sex doesn’t determine if a person is right.

When a person refuses to believe God is 100% good and all other options are 100% evil, they must choose their own categories for evaluation. The problem with this is that people will then evaluate based on past experience (prejudice) rather than God’s standard of truth (objective right and wrong).

What do you base your worldview on?

Decision-Making with Personality

Almost all decision-making can benefit from spiritual discernment. Even a simple decision about what kind of car to buy can have moral implications. You might have plenty of money, but should you buy the most expensive car you can afford or should you buy the less expensive one and use the difference to help someone?

You might prefer to eat at one restaurant but your friend prefers another. Your preference isn’t right or wrong, but what you end up choosing could be, if your selfishness harms your friend. This situation requires a balance between following what you want and doing no harm to your friend. The more mature a person is, the more they can put aside (temporarily) what they want (or believe) in order to care for another person. Loving others takes precedence over having life go your way all the time.

In a three-legged race, two people are tied together, so they must run at the same speed or else they will come apart or fall down. If one person attempts to run faster than the other, just because they are a better athlete, that person achieves nothing. Members of a team all win or all lose together. Running faster means little if doing so will injure your partner’s leg. Is winning a race worth more than a person’s health?

The context of Romans 14 is eating food that has been sacrificed to idols, but the basic principle applies.

Don’t let your appetite destroy what God has done. All foods are fit to eat, but it is wrong to cause problems for others by what you eat. It is best not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything else that causes problems for other followers of the Lord. What you believe about these things should be kept between you and God. You are fortunate, if your actions don’t make you have doubts. But if you do have doubts about what you eat, you are going against your beliefs. And you know that is wrong, because anything you do against your beliefs is sin.
Romans 14:20-23 CEV

Decision-Making with Freedom

You are free to choose whatever you want, as long as you don’t go against your convictions and you don’t lead someone else to go against their convictions. God says such actions would be wrong because they are destructive.

God wants you to develop your worldview, which includes your preferences, convictions, and spiritual discernment. With a well-defined worldview, decision-making can be a positive, pleasant experience.

I have two points of clarification before I finish. Personal boundaries can possibly be in tension with the consideration of others. I’m not going to go into detail here, but Paul has written plenty about following what is right and confronting what is wrong. So, in Romans 14, when Paul suggests we should deny ourselves what we want it is for the sake of preserving the conscience of a fellow believer who is genuinely distressed about the practice of their faith. Otherwise, this would be abusive to the person who lacked faith. He is not saying anyone should submit their God-given ability to make healthy personal choices to a bully. This would be allowing someone to abuse you.

Consider too that emotional immaturity is similar to a lack of faith. Those who are more mature must bear with those who can’t yet help themselves. Again, this doesn’t mean you give in to their every desire, but that you treat them with patience and understanding to minimize creating unnecessary distress for them.

As an exercise, make a list of areas where you need extra understanding because you are insecure and another list where you are confident. How does it feel to be in each position?

Read about boundaries and being assertive.
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Recover From Trauma-Induced Dissociation

March 6, 2022 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

Trauma can result from an experience that is too powerful to handle within too little time. Dissociation might be the only way to cope when a bomb goes off in your life. To create a different outcome, you can decrease the intensity by decreasing the power or increasing the time you have to endure it.

You can reinterpret the meaning of the trauma (to lower its power) or you can manage its effects over time. This is essentially what happens in therapy to recover from traumatic events.

Why Do People Resort to Dissociation?

What can you do if it rains 10 inches in your backyard overnight? How do you drain a lake? One bucket at a time. But what do you do with the water until you have the resources to deal with the problem?

Each of us has a limited ability to manage an overwhelming event. Let’s say that your capacity is like a 32oz cup. That might seem like a big cup. It can hold enough for you to survive one day.

A manageable event might fill your cup. Someone might pour you a glass of water. You tell them when to stop filling your cup and they listen. Perfect.

A traumatic event could be like someone dumping an Olympic swimming pool of water into your cup or, even a gallon every day for years. Where does it all go? It’s going to flood you with so much water that you won’t be able to cope. Or, the only way to cope will be to store the water until you can drink it.

Most of us don’t have the space for that much water. But our brains have the capacity to alter reality (hopefully temporarily) to pretend (deny that) the water (the trauma) isn’t there. Most of the time this ability, dissociation, is an involuntary response much like closing your eyes when an object moves toward you too quickly. This ability does have its limits. Stretch it too far and it can lead to more serious complications–it becomes increasingly difficult, though never impossible, to return to normal.

The more dissociated you are, the weaker your connections are to your memories and feelings. To be dissociated is to be numb or oblivious. As you probably realize, being numb can be beneficial if the pain has no purpose. For example, it’s easier to have a cavity removed without feeling the drilling. But what would happen if you didn’t know you had a cavity in the first place because you couldn’t feel the discomfort? In this case, being numb would be a liability.

How to Recover from Dissociation

Just as novocaine is meant to temporarily numb, dissociation is also only meant to be a temporary fix. After you’ve experienced a trauma, you should begin the work to deal with it as soon as possible.

To address dissociation, you reconnect what became disconnected. For example, if you are vacuuming and move too far away from the electrical outlet, the plug will disconnect and the vacuum will lose power. That could be desirable if lightning strikes your electrical system, creating a surge. To restore power, you must reconnect the vacuum to the outlet. To use the vacuum at a greater distance, you must add an extension cord to bridge the gap.

Likewise, to recover from dissociation, you create a bridge between present-day awareness and past events you have forgotten. If you only focus on today, you won’t be able to reclaim your lost memories and therefore, you won’t be able to heal. Yet, if you become too focused on the traumatic memories, you can become isolated from the truth you’ve come to know today. Both options are ineffective.

Instead, to optimize the healing process, attempt to form a bridge by keeping one foot in the present and one foot in the past. You can be aware of who you are today and at the same time, focus on remembering, feeling, and reinterpreting what you’ve been through.

This bridge allows God’s comfort to flow from this moment back into your painful experience. In this way, you can recover from day-old trauma or even decade-old trauma.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.
2 Corinthians 1:3-5 ESV

Are you becoming aware of any lakes in your backyard or power surges you’ve been through? You will feel better as you clean up the mess and restore power to your life. Seek a professional counselor to guide you through the recovery process.

Eliminate Shame By Believing God

February 13, 2022 by Matt Pavlik 1 Comment

Shame is inevitable, but where does it come from? Why do we experience it? How can we overcome it?

When Adam and Eve first chose to disobey God, they believed the enemy’s words over God’s words. After they doubted God, they gained the “knowledge of good and evil” but felt shame for the first time. They gained knowledge but lost their secure connection with God.

Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”“You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”
Genesis 3:1-5 NIV

Knowing evil isn’t an advantage. That’s like knowing darkness. That’s like knowing the pains of torture.

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden.
Genesis 3:6-8 NIV

We Knew Shame on Day One

Shame exists because we are born feeling inadequate. Fortunately, God is at work to bring healing to us.

Every day of life is an opportunity to experience a positive reinforcement of your worth. You need to be validated, accepted, wanted, affirmed, and encouraged. This kind of love must come from a source outside of you. Even when others love you, the origin of that love is God.

Unfortunately, because of sin and the curse on this world, every day of life also holds the possibility of negatively reinforcing the feelings of inadequacy. You can make mistakes and even sin. You can fail to accomplish an important task or desired goal. You must find a way to cope with imperfection, defeat, rejection, and isolation.

In a negative environment, the devil’s lies multiply easily. Without faith, developing self-hatred is inevitable.

Shame Drives Us to Regret Being Created

Shame creates an impulse to hide. It’s humiliating to feel less than others. The desire to cover up is way more intense than you’d find in a game of hide-and-seek. The desire to hide is better described as wishing you could totally scrub yourself out of existence.

You can scrub a carrot clean. You can even peel it to remove the outer dirt. But if you believe there is something wrong with it and keep removing parts of it, hoping to find the defect, eventually you’ll have nothing left. The carrot is a carrot through and through. You are who you are supposed to be after God has cleaned you on the outside and inside.

As you can see, I like using analogies. I use them while I am providing counseling to help people understand what is going on with them in a much deeper way. Here is my analogy for shame: ‘Shame’ is to ‘believing God’ as ‘darkness’ is to ‘light.’ Darkness is not a self-sustaining powerful force. It’s better defined as the absence of light. Likewise, shame has no power over you as long as you have the faith to believe what God says about you.

You will only feel bad about yourself to the degree you can’t trust God. To the degree that you trust God, you also gain healthier self-worth. Meditate on this and start your journey to overcome shame today.

Read more about shame: Shame Is A Universal Struggle
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Shame Is A Universal Struggle

February 6, 2022 by Matt Pavlik 6 Comments

Shame is a feeling that everyone has to contend with. It’s universally inescapable. You might think that shame is spread from person to person like a disease. Actually, all of us are born with the inevitability to feel shame.

Shame is there, buried deep within us. It’s buried because we’d rather not feel it. It’d deep because it’s been with us from day one. On our best days, we can keep our heads above the water. At times we don’t feel it, but other times we are completely immersed, terrified of drowning in it. This sense of defectiveness infects a person to their core.

Many people confuse guilt and shame, so let’s look at both so you can work on experiencing more freedom.

Guilt is Feeling a Failure of Doing

If you feel bad because of something you did or didn’t do, then you are feeling guilty. There is also “true” guilt and “false” guilt. If there is nothing wrong with what you did, but you feel guilty anyway, that’s false guilt.

If you have done something wrong, God would have you feel a conviction that drives you to repentance and to seek forgiveness from Him. Conviction is different than guilt. Conviction points to a positive restoration. Guilt points to a negative condemnation.

For the Christian who trusts in Jesus’s sacrifice, guilt is no longer necessary. The law’s purpose is to increase awareness of sin, but the law cannot save you from guilt. Sacrifices were only a temporary measure that could not permanently remove guilt.

Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God. Therefore no one will be declared righteous in God’s sight by the works of the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of our sin.
Romans 3:19-20 NIV

The law is only a shadow of the good things that are coming—not the realities themselves. For this reason it can never, by the same sacrifices repeated endlessly year after year, make perfect those who draw near to worship. Otherwise, would they not have stopped being offered? For the worshipers would have been cleansed once for all, and would no longer have felt guilty for their sins.
Hebrews 10:1-2 NIV

But Jesus’s sacrifice has the power to remove guilt forever. God intends that you believe the following about yourself:

you have already been made perfect
you are in the process of being made holy
you are forgiven once and for all, so that no further sacrifice is necessary
you are cleansed from a guilty conscience
you can have full assurance of all this by faith

For by one sacrifice [Jesus] has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.

And where [sins] have been forgiven, sacrifice for sin is no longer necessary.

…let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.
Hebrews 10:14, 18, 22 NIV

Shame is Feeling a Failure of Being

If guilt isn’t enough then there is also shame: that sickening feeling that results simply from existing. Shame results not from what you’ve done, but from how you feel about being you. The context of shame is always other people, how they must view you. Someone feeling shame desperately wants what is impossible: to remove and discard more of who they are.

When Adam and Eve were “naked and felt no shame,” this means they felt no embarrassment for who they were and what they desired (Genesis 2:25). They accepted how God made them without any concern.

Consider who you are and what you feel ashamed of about yourself. That part of you that you believe is defective, dirty, incompetent, unwanted, inadequate, or bad is what God says is good. He made you the way you are on purpose. After your sin is removed (which has already been done) all that remains is everything you are supposed to be.

I pray you are able to rest more and more in this truth that you are loved and accepted.

Steps to Overcoming Shame.
Photo by Mick Haupt on Unsplash

Live As A Free Person

January 23, 2022 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

Do you live more like a free person or a slave? A free person lives without the burden of guilt and shame. Guilt is like a ball and chain. It slows you down and in some cases, it might completely immobilize you. The good news of the Gospel is that Jesus died so you can be free of these horrible burdens.

God introduced the Gospel to us 430 years before He introduced the law (Galatians 3:8, 17). It’s the law that tells us we are guilty (Romans 3:20). The Gospel is based on the promise God gave to Abraham and Abraham’s response in faith. This established the means of salvation well before we even knew about the law.

Faith in God’s Promise Equals Freedom

Salvation is activated by faith (believing God honored His promise in Jesus Christ), not by works (self-righteous acts that attempt to fulfill the law). When you want to know if you are an heir to God’s promise, you only need to verify that you take God’s word (His promise) as the truth. If you believe it, then you are a child of God: a new creation with a spiritual connection to God.

So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.
Galatians 3:26-29 NIV

Anyone can activate their salvation, if they can believe. God does not discriminate between His creation in any other way. It doesn’t make a difference if you are a Jew or you are a Gentile, a slave or free, a male or female, you can gain access to God through faith in Christ Jesus.

Once you have this access by faith, you must continue to maintain the access by faith. God’s way liberates you from the burden of fulfilling the law through your own effort. Paul encourages those of us whom Christ has set free to never return to the old ways.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
Galatians 5:1 NIV

In fact, because of what Christ has done for us, attempting to follow the law is always a wasted effort. Anyone who attempts to achieve salvation through works must fulfill the entire law (Galatians 5:3). Our effort or lack of effort counts for nothing.

For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.

Neither circumcision nor uncircumcision means anything; what counts is the new creation.
Galatians 6:6, 6:15 NIV

Being a New Creation Equal Freedom

Are you a new creation? This is the same as asking if you have been born again. Have you experienced a spiritual rebirth (John 3)? If so, you have been set free from the law of sin and death (Romans 8:2). You are no longer a slave; you are a child of God (son or daughter).

Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.
John 8:34-36 NIV

Reach John 8:31-47. Jesus makes a clear distinction between those who belong to Him and those who don’t know Him. What burdens are you carrying that you no longer need to carry? Set them down. You are free.

Rejection Is Like A Painful Death

January 9, 2022 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

What has been your experience with rejection? I see it as the most painful experience. But God has overcome it with the power of His acceptance.

I recently watched the movie, Saving Private Ryan, again. In one scene a German and American soldier are wrestling for survival. The American pulls out a knife, but the German manages to use the knife against him. The American pushes against the German’s arm to prevent the knife from cutting into his chest, but slowly the knife moves deeper until the American dies.

In managing pain, it’s usually easier to face and get it over with quickly. A slow and painful death is bad enough. To face the humiliation of defeat and also endure excruciating torment is the worst. But isn’t this is exactly what Jesus faced on the cross? He was without personal guilt, but in carrying the weight of sin, He must have experienced the shame of our guilt.

“He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.”
1 Peter 2:24 NIV

To die at the hands of another person is a physical rejection. To wither away because of another person’s critical words is an emotional rejection.

Rejection Is a Lie From the Devil

The devil wants you to feel cut off from God. He doesn’t have the ability to sever your connection with God. The best he can do is deceive you into believing God has rejected you.

When you experience emotional rejection, there is nothing true about it. It’s not valid. If you struggle with self-doubt, you become susceptible to believing the lie is valid. You might feel horrible as if it were true. This happens when you focus on the negatives rather than on God. It often leads to God-doubt such as, “God doesn’t love me” or “I’m too defective for God to love me.”

Jesus’s sacrifice saves you from destruction. He rescued you from the darkness–including its lies and shame.

For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son, who purchased our freedom and forgave our sins.
Colossians 1:13-14 NLT

Because of this, no matter what you’ve done, you do not have to endure any shameful rejection. Don’t do that to yourself. You can graciously accept God’s discipline but you can reject the devil’s rejection.

God Accepts You as a Friend

Do you realize that God is for you? Because of Jesus’s death, you are blameless and without a single fault.

This includes you who were once far away from God. You were his enemies, separated from him by your evil thoughts and actions. Yet now he has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in his physical body. As a result, he has brought you into his own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault. But you must continue to believe this truth and stand firmly in it. Don’t drift away from the assurance you received when you heard the Good News.
Colossians 1:21-23 NLT

Because God has removed your sin and guilt, you have His complete acceptance. Others may reject you, but God will not reject you any longer. God wants you to cling to this truth. You are a member of His family. You are God’s friend.

No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.
John 15:15 ESV

To fully heal from rejection, you must not avoid it. Only by feeling it can you realize how false it is. The process involves staring down the lie until it is no more. Facing the lie with the truth weakens it. Even though it can be absurdly painful, the lie will die, leaving you with freedom because of Christ.

Take some time to remember when you have felt most rejected. Allow the truth of God’s acceptance to wash away the lie.

Overcome The Lies You Believe

January 2, 2022 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

Whether you realize it or not, you believe some lies about yourself. No one has perfect self-worth.

Where do these lies come from? They are like seeds sown for destruction. The more they take root in your heart, the more life will be a struggle for you. Just like if you want a fruitful garden, you must pull the weeds in your heart.

Experiences Promote Truth and Lies

Every life event you experience communicates some degree of truth and some degree of falsehood. For example, any interaction you have with Jesus or the Bible will always communicate 100% truth. And any interaction you have with the devil will always communicate 100% lies. When Jesus spoke to non-believers, He addressed them as “children of the devil.”

For you are the children of your father the devil, and you love to do the evil things he does. He was a murderer from the beginning. He has always hated the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies.
John 8:44 NLT

If everything ever spoken was always all truth or all lies, it would be easier to sort out fact from fiction. But people speak with words and actions that fall somewhere between 0 and 100% truth. So it falls to the recipients to sort through all their experiences to find and savor the truth and discard the rest.

Interpretations Promote Truth and Lies

Discerning between truth and falsehood is an invaluable skill. Unfortunately, it is not foolproof. It’s possible to interpret a true experience as false or a false experience as true. This sets up four possible outcomes for every experience:

You believe the lie: the devil intends to harm you by being deceitful and you take it as if it were truth.
You disbelieve the lie: you see through the devil’s deceit, and refute it for the lie that it is.
You believe the truth: you experience love, accept it, and allow it to strengthen your self-worth.
You disbelieve the truth: you doubt your positive experience, reject it, and prefer your low self-esteem.

Trusting Everyone Isn’t the Answer

Overly trusting, optimistic, or gullible people lean toward believing everything. These verses show that we shouldn’t trust everyone.

Don’t be stupid
    and believe all you hear;
    be smart and know
    where you are headed.
Proverbs 14:15 CEV

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.
1 Peter 5:8 ESV

Mistrusting Everyone Isn’t the Answer

Overly mistrusting, pessimistic, or paranoid people lean toward disbelieving everything. They throw the baby out with the bathwater. Or rather, they throw God out because of the hypocrites.

God is the only person you can trust 100%. Even then, God asks us to trust Him beyond any scientific proof. Sometimes the truth is harder to believe than the lie. That’s where faith comes in. God distinguishes a believer from a non-believer by the faith we have to believe what the non-believer considers to be unbelievable.

These verses show that God expects us to trust Him even when it seems like we shouldn’t.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28 ESV

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.
Proverbs 3:5 ESV

And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.
Psalm 9:10 ESV

If you want to overcome lies and grow in self-worth, the first step is to learn how to discern God’s voice of truth from the devil’s voice of falsehood. You can discern the truth because you have the Holy Spirit who guides believers into all truth (John 16:13).

More on the journey to overcome lies.
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3 Reasons Hope Is Always Attainable

June 13, 2021 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

Hope might be easy to lose but it is also easy to gain. If you’ve ever become discouraged, I bet something negative happened that you weren’t expecting. Sometimes it doesn’t take much to feel crushed. Even a small amount of hate from another can weigh you down. Read on if you want to feel hopeful instead of discouraged.

It’s only possible to lose hope when you lose focus on what matters most. Biblical hope is the “joyful and confident expectation of eternal salvation.” If you’re focused on anything else as a source of hope, you risk becoming disappointed or full of despair. Consider the following verse which is meant to increase your confidence in your salvation.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13 NIV

Verses like this one lead believers to know their salvation is secure. God wants you to feel hopeful because of your salvation. If your salvation wasn’t secure, what is there left to put your hope in? Yes, the Christian life is based on faith, but it is based on the guaranteed future reality of eternal life, not a one-in-a-million chance. Believers must have faith in God, trust God, and hope in God because what God promises is in the future. When you see the word hope in a verse, think of the biblical definition, not the I hope I win the lottery use.

You Can Hope Because Jesus Crucified Sin

Sin might have some immediate (as in earthly) consequences, but Jesus has saved you from the worst possible consequence: spiritual death. When you become a believer, you are no longer condemned, so you are no longer without hope. Nothing can separate you from God’s love (Romans 8:1, 38-39).

You Can Hope Because God Made You An Expert

No human is gifted in every way possible. Your weaknesses tell you what not to pursue in life just like your strengths tell you what you should pursue. Both are necessary. You’ll make yourself sick if you try to compete in areas where you lack ability. But you’ll experience peace and joy when you understand (and live out) the reasons why God created you.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

God has a purpose and a plan for your life. Stay on target and you’ll feel hopeful.

You Can Hope Because You Are Growing

Not only are we not born perfect, but we also aren’t born mature. God isn’t done with you yet. It’s okay if you need more time to fully mature into all God is making you to be. It’s possible what you aren’t capable of today, you will be capable of tomorrow. If you have seen enough reasons to hope yet, here is another:

For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
2 Timothy 1:6-7

God wants you to grow the gifting He’s given you. God is the author and perfecter of your faith (Hebrews 12:2). Do your part to receive what God has given you and allow God to do His part to shape you into the work of art He has in mind. Keep both of these in balance and you will overflow with hope.

See the definition of the word hope.
Read about how to increase hope.
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Holy Spirit Guarantees Your Inheritance

December 8, 2018 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

God desires that you feel secure with Him. He accomplishes this through His Holy Spirit, given to you when you are born spiritually. Once you are saved, He accepts responsibility for you and is able to keep you from falling away (Jude 1:24).

Holy Spirit Seals You

God gives the believer His Holy Spirit. As soon as you believe, God seals you with His Holy Spirit so you can feel secure. You become a genuine believer by hearing the word of truth, which is the gospel, and believing the truth.

God personally guarantees your inheritance until you receive it. If God is the guarantor, there be no doubt that He will keep His promise. God is the giver of good gifts. He is not one to revoke His gift (James 1:17, Matthew 7:7-11). This makes sense, doesn’t it? God is not someone who plays games with us. Once He chooses and calls you, He doesn’t change His mind (Romans 11:29).

A genuine believer can know he or she is eternally secure because of Ephesians 1:14.

In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.
—Ephesians 1:11-14

Holy Spirit Intercedes for You

God is master and we are His followers. As a follower, you don’t need to know as much as God knows. You can’t know as much as God.

Since you are weaker than God, this places you in a position of dependence. Believers relate to God through faith and trust.

You don’t always know what needs to happen or what you should pray for. God makes up the difference by intervening in the best way possible. He knows us completely. Therefore, He cannot miss a necessary detail. He has life figured out. He has you covered.

In certain ways we are weak, but the Spirit is here to help us. For example, when we don’t know what to pray for, the Spirit prays for us in ways that cannot be put into words. All of our thoughts are known to God. He can understand what is in the mind of the Spirit, as the Spirit prays for God’s people.
Romans 8:26-27 CEV

Holy Spirit Guides You

When people are blind, they especially need someone to direct their steps. Chances are, you are not blind, but even so, you cannot see everything.

Since you see less clearly than God, you must depend upon Him. You must walk by faith, not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7). This means moving forward in confidence that God is on your side, God is protecting you, and God is preserving you.

In the physical world, salt is a preservative. In the spiritual realm, truth is a preservative. Without the truth, you decay and die. The truth strengthens your resolve to face all that you must endure in this life.

The Spirit shows what is true and will come and guide you into the full truth. The Spirit doesn’t speak on his own. He will tell you only what he has heard from me, and he will let you know what is going to happen.
John 16:13 CEV

Consider all these words and may the peace of God rest upon you now and forever.

This post is part of a series on eternal security. You can read the introductory post: eternal security means full assurance of salvation.
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Eternal Security Means Full Assurance Of Salvation

December 2, 2018 by Matt Pavlik 12 Comments

All born-again Christians have eternal security: a full assurance of their salvation. Jesus guaranteed this when He paid for our sins once for all time (Hebrews 10:12).

A promise of security that is temporary or conditional wouldn’t provide assurance. But worse, it would be fraudulent. The reasons to worship or trust God would be limited. Security is an emotional need that God fulfills through His care for us. Fortunately for us, God is fully capable of meeting our need for assurance:

The name of the Lord is a strong fortress;
the godly run to him and are safe.
Proverbs 18:10 NLT

Even when I walk
    through the darkest valley,
I will not be afraid,
    for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
    protect and comfort me.
Psalm 23:4 NLT

Psalm 23 ends with David’s conviction that he will live forever:

Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord
forever.
Psalm 23:6 NLT

Assurance is Possible Because Salvation is Freedom

When interpreting the Bible, it is important to look broadly (across many scriptures) and narrowly (in the immediate context of a verse). Also, everything written has an intended audience. The Bible has two main audiences: the Christian and the non-Christian.

The question of eternal security is a positional one. The Christian should approach the Bible as someone who is already saved and interpret every verse from this perspective. The true believer has complete freedom and no condemnation (Galatians 5:1,13; Romans 8:1). As a Christian, you can: Interpret The Bible With Your Christian Identity. The non-Christian should feel condemnation for their sin and the need for the Savior.

Can we agree on what is required to become a Christian? All of us should be able to evaluate whether or not we are saved at the present moment. If you can’t assert that you are saved right now, then that is a different problem: you then must consider if you are saved at all.

Assurance is Possible Because Salvation is a Gift

The process of gaining salvation requires putting your faith (actively believing) in Christ’s work on your behalf. You can’t provide any “work.” All that is required is your faithful belief. Salvation is a gift. Gifts are received not earned as Paul makes clear:

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast.
Ephesians 2:8-9 NIV

If someone can lose their salvation, there must be an equally clear procedure of how that happens. I suppose someone could return the gift, but there isn’t any reason why a true believer would want to do that. Only someone who hasn’t already received the gift can refuse the gift.

Assurance is Possible Because Salvation is Rest

If you can lose salvation by not working hard enough at it, then this would make salvation a trap: it’s easy to step in, but once you’re in, you have to work increasingly harder to stay in, otherwise, you’ll be kicked out. But then is it easy or hard to get back in again? Besides being confusing, this seems to go against the Gospel message and many Bible passages that grace, not works, saves you.

Consider Jesus’s words about coming to Him for rest:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
—Matthew 11:28-30

Salvation is not gained by working harder to avoid sin. That would be self-effort to keep salvation. Jesus is saying that salvation is the process of finding rest for your soul.

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Learn To Trust To Complete Your Training

October 17, 2021 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

Trust is an essential skill for many aspects of life. It’s the foundation of every relationship you have. You need relationships to move forward in life. This post describes step 3 of 4 of the transformative journey.

Learn To Trust: Be Vulnerable in Relationships

You can’t accomplish anything apart from God. And, since God uses other people, you probably need them too. Trusting involves risk, but it also results in vulnerability which is required if you want to grow more emotionally healthy. It’s easy to trust when no suffering is involved. But God wants us to wait patiently for Him during our suffering.

The Lord’s people may suffer a lot,
but he will always bring them safely through.
Psalm 34:19 CEV

In Star Wars, when Luke attempts to rescue Princess Leia, he ends up trapped in a room-sized trash compactor. When a creature in the compactor strangles him and pulls him underwater, and yet again when the compactor starts shrinking, he must rely not only on his friends Han Solo and Princess Leia but also his droids C3PO and R2D2.

I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
Psalm 40:1 NIV

When have you had no choice but to trust others when you’ve been at the bottom of your pit?

Learn To Trust: Replace Lies with Truth

In the midst of suffering, God would have us both accept the suffering and yet confront the lies that the suffering makes possible. When faced with the hopelessness of the moment, hope in God’s decisive, but future, victory is the only way to endure the pain.

Luke escapes the compactor only to see his mentor Obi-Wan struck down by Darth Vader. At that point, he lacks the understanding that something better is coming. But before Obi-Wan dies, he tells Vader, “You can’t win. If you strike me down I will become more powerful than you can imagine.” I imagine that’s what Jesus could have said to the devil.

Obi-Wan’s sacrifice is Luke’s gain because he can speak directly to Luke through the force. I know the force is fiction and impersonal, but it’s hard not to think of the parallels to the Holy Spirit after Jesus’s sacrifice. Obi-Wan guides Luke similarly to how the Holy Spirit guides Christians into truth.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
Psalm 40:2 NIV

What lies are you believing about God or yourself that keep you in a pit? When have you experienced God removing sin, cleaning you, and blessing you with the truth so your footing is firm?

Learn To Trust: Accept a Positive Interpretation of Your Life

When you experience God the Holy Spirit within you, you have no choice but to see who you are from a positive perspective. You can rejoice that God’s sacrifice sets you free to contend with evil. Life can be hard, but victory is not only possible, it’s guaranteed.

After Luke feels the sting of Obi-Wan’s death, he resolves to continue to fight against evil. His confidence increases as he realizes he has the skills needed to contend with evil. “It’s not impossible,” Luke says as the rebels discuss the death star attack plan. Later he agrees with an old friend that, “they will never stop us.”

He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
and put their trust in him.
Psalm 40:3 NIV

When have you had a goal so big that you have no choice but to trust God for a positive outcome?

God is worthy of trust no matter the degree of difficulty you face in this life. There are plenty of “false gods” to choose instead of God, but these will only keep you in a pit.

Blessed is the one
who trusts in the Lord,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods.
Psalm 40:4 NIV

What false gods do you need to put out of your life so you can accept the amazing plans God has for you?

Make A Commitment To Complete Your Training

October 9, 2021 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

Reaching your pain threshold is enough to drive you into the recovery process. But you must make a commitment if you expect to be able to endure the pain long enough to heal emotionally. This post describes step 2 of 4 of the transformative journey.

Make A Commitment: Pursue the Help of a Counselor

When your life becomes unmanageable, when you experience a nervous breakdown, you become motivated to try a new approach to solving your problems. You seek out someone more experienced than you and willing to follow them.

In Star Wars, Luke recognizes Obi-Wan as a mentor of the force. Initially, Luke resists joining him, but he decides to take the next step forward after he sees that the empire killed his Aunt and Uncle.

Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.
Proverbs 15:22 ESV

Who in your life has more expertise in the areas in which you are struggling?

Make A Commitment: Discover Your Allies and Your Enemies

Your emotional pain will likely continue to intensify the more you strengthen your resolve to confront the enemy. The enemy’s goal is to escalate self-doubt. While your pain increases and you become more desperate, you will attract the people that will help you achieve your goals, as well as the people who will hinder your progress.

The intensifying pain forces you to make a decision one way or another. Will you commit to seeing your recovery through to its conclusion or will you turn back to your familiar ways of coping?

Luke learns that Obi-Wan, Han Solo, Chewbacca, and Princess Leia are his friends. He also experiences confirmation that the empire is his enemy. He could have decided to quit. But with encouragement and support, he commits to finishing what he started.

Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. What is the first thing you will do? Won’t you sit down and figure out how much it will cost and if you have enough money to pay for it? Otherwise, you will start building the tower, but not be able to finish. Then everyone who sees what is happening will laugh at you. They will say, “You started building, but could not finish the job.”
Luke 14:28-30 CEV

Are you willing to make a commitment to your recovery no matter what it costs you?

Make A Commitment: Examine the Origin of Your Problems and Distress

Moving forward in life often requires first looking backward to where you have been. This usually stirs up more pain as you look at your defects without any filters or blinders. There is no room for denial if you sincerely desire recovery.

Luke and his friends face overwhelming discouragement when they realize the empire has the power to destroy whole planets. They lose Alderaan, a peaceful planet. When they become trapped at the death star, they realize they can no longer turn back. They must overcome their problems and find a way forward.

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
Matthew 7:3-5 NIV

Are you willing to acknowledge that you have serious problems to overcome? What self-doubts only seem to complicate your path to recovery? Can you endure whatever pain is necessary in order to realize a victory? Are you willing to look beyond friends and family to God for help?

Step 1 of the Transformative Journey.
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Overcome Resistance To Complete Your Training

October 2, 2021 by Matt Pavlik 1 Comment

In order to complete a transformative journey, you first need to overcome your resistance to asking for help. This post describes step 1 of 4 of the transformative journey.

Often, life must become unmanageable or unbearable in some way before a person will be willing to seek help. There is a saying, “Only when the pain of remaining the same is worse than the pain of changing, will someone make the effort to change.”

You can let your pain build until it reaches such a critical level that you suffer a catastrophic breakdown. If you want to avoid this and move forward in your life, don’t make the following three mistakes.

Mistake #1: Fail to Overcome Resistance by Ignoring Problems

When a person is in denial they will attempt to cope with their problems so they can remain self-sufficient. Coping attempts to minimize the pain instead of eliminate the pain. Most people think of a problem as a negative event, but a lack of a positive event can also be a problem.

In Star Wars, Luke’s problem was more than the fact that he wasn’t happy as a farmer. He also wasn’t happy because he wasn’t able to pursue using his gifts for an even greater good. Helping his aunt and uncle was good, but helping to destroy the death star was far better.

There is a path before each person that seems right,
but it ends in death.
Proverbs 14:12 NLT

Are you on a path that seems good, but it is really leading you nowhere?

Mistake #2: Fail to Overcome Resistance by Clinging to Selfish Goals

When a person believes lies (such as “I’m worthless”), they lack the insight to look beyond their own circumstances. A person who clings to their selfish goals will fail to overcome problems and will experience painful loss.

Luke wants to fight the empire but he can’t see past his obligation to help his uncle. He does what seems right until fate brings serious trouble to his doorstep.

A prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions.
The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences.
Proverbs 22:3 NLT

Are you pressing ahead just because you want to or because it seems to be the safest route, despite some sense of looming consequences?

Mistake #3: Fail to Overcome Resistance by Refusing Help

The foolish person will refuse help even while they are suffering. Fear can stop many a dream from becoming reality.

Luke knows the rebels need help defeating the empire. Obi-Wan asks Luke to join him and offers to train him. Luke isn’t ready yet to leave home. He uses the excuse that he can’t get involved because he has work to do.

Fools think they know what is best,
but a sensible person listens to advice.
Proverbs 12:15 CEV

But when he finds that the empire is looking for his droids, he realizes that his aunt and uncle are in danger. Only when he is faced with their death does he have nothing left to prevent him from accepting Obi-Wan’s offer.

This logic might look like I’m saying that a young adult should always put their own ambitions ahead of their parent’s counsel. There might be more times that it is prudent to follow your parents. But in this case, the parents are the ones holding their child back from what is better–meaning what is better for God’s kingdom.

If you love your father or mother or even your sons and daughters more than me, you are not fit to be my disciples.
Matthew 10:37 CEV

So then, consider if there is anything you are refusing to do that would benefit God’s kingdom more than what you are already doing. What help do you need to overcome your resistance and make it happen? Who has already been offering their help? Ask God for wisdom and understanding so you can see your best path forward without serious consequences, if possible.

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Good Enough Is Perfect

September 18, 2021 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

When is enough, enough?

A project does not need to be 100% complete or even 90% to earn the title “good enough.” Good enough happens around 80%–the point of diminishing returns where additional effort is usually not worth it.

In a world where you can’t accomplish everything you want to, good enough is perfect.

An Optimal Return Is Good Enough

Imagine your friend asking you to sit and talk and with her. She will probably be pleased even if you do nothing else. But what will happen if you talk, bring her an expensive gift, and neglect to pay your electric bill? At best you have a happy friend and no power at home. If your friend finds out you neglected your responsibilities to give her something she didn’t want or need, your relationship will likely become awkward. A happy, giftless friend is better than having your electricity shut off and your friend no happier.

Maybe though, you will feel happier giving a gift than paying your bill? While that is possible, it doesn’t seem wise. If that sounds appealing, mostly like you are self-deceived. Consider exploring your motivation for the gift. Are you avoiding something negative (feeling guilty or inadequate) or trying to force something positive (make your friend indebted to you)? You might be happy immediately, but you won’t be happy when the food in your refrigerator spoils or you have no hot water.

Two good enough outcomes are better than one great and one poor outcome.

A Fulfilled Priority Is Good Enough

You have four hours to clean your home and visit with your friend. You could tell your friend you are busy and spend all four hours cleaning. You could skip cleaning and spend all your time with your friend. But maybe cleaning for two hours will clean 80% of the mess. Then you have two hours to spend with your friend.

You can accomplish more if you can prioritize and accept good enough.

You Are Good Enough

You are better off with fewer possessions or worldly accomplishments if it means you are placing your trust in God even more. Allow God to motivate you instead of feelings of guilt or inadaquacy. Choose peace over anxiety, enjoyment over striving.

Trust in the Lord and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:3-4 NIV

Better Than Good Enough Is Costly

Going beyond good enough is an expression of our longing for perfection. God made us to desire good things. When we experience negatives, we can attempt to reclaim perfection, but it is costly.

Appearing generous to your friends or having a spotless home can feel amazing at the moment. But think about this: what is the opportunity cost? What are you giving up in order to briefly have something exactly the way you want it? Fulfilling this desire for perfection is not necessary to be content.

We have a “profit” that is greater than theirs—our holy awe of God! To have merely our necessities is to have enough. Isn’t it true that our hands were empty when we came into the world, and when we leave this world our hands will be empty again? Because of this, food and clothing is enough to make us content. But those who crave the wealth of this world slip into spiritual snares. They become trapped by the troubles that come through their foolish and harmful desires, driven by greed and drowning in their own sinful pleasures. And they take others down with them into their corruption and eventual destruction.
1 Timothy 6:6–9 TPT

Good enough gets the job done and leaves energy for many other activities that matter to you. Where have you been unnecessarily wasteful in your life? How can you aim for less but end up with more? Look for inefficiencies in your motivations. You don’t need to exhaust yourself chasing after empty promises. What can you accomplish that is important to you and to God if you could only accept good enough in other areas of your life?

More on Priorities.
More on contentment.
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Discover Your True Self-Worth

September 5, 2021 by Matt Pavlik 3 Comments

You can see your self-worth only when you look into a mirror. To discover your worth, you must look outside of yourself. Your self-image can appear differently depending on where you look. What mirror are you looking into for your worth?

A physical mirror reflects your body. Because a mirror has imperfections, you won’t be able to see a completely accurate image of yourself. If you want to know your worth, you must look into more than just a mirror and with more than just your physical eyes.

Distorted Mirrors Reflect a Distorted Self-Worth

Life provides an uncountable number of distorted mirrors that can produce false reflections. People make up the majority of these mirrors. Chances are you’ve looked to at least one of the following in the last day for a clue into your worth:

Your boss or job
Your spouse
Your parent
Your performance
Your friend
Your self
The devil

Experiences with other people have such a strong influence on our self-esteem. You can’t help it. God designed you to look outside of yourself for your self-worth. When was the last time you turned to anyone on that list and received a clear and complete understanding of who you are? It’s impossible.

Even though many of the people in your life can provide encouragement through glimpses of your true self, you’ll never be able to receive the whole picture from any of them. In fact, until Jesus returns, you must live with imperfect sight.

Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.
1 Corinthians 13:12 NLT

An incomplete puzzle has pieces missing which makes it impossible to see the full image. To function without the full image requires faith, which is one of the three greatest virtues Paul is talking about in Corinthians 13:13.

Perfect Mirrors Reflect an Accurate Self-Worth

While there are many distorted mirrors, there is only one perfect mirror. Only Jesus can reveal your true self. When you ask Jesus who you are, you will receive a straight, accurate answer. He can look through all distortions to see who God made you to be.

To see yourself as God see you, to discover your true self-worth, you can’t look with physical eyes. Instead, you must look into Jesus’s eyes with your spiritual eyes. When you see His gaze by faith, that is, when you see His face, you can trust your eyes. Even then, however, the picture you receive is going to be missing some pieces. Only God knows you completely. You can’t completely see and understand yourself this side of heaven.

A person’s steps are directed by the Lord.
How then can anyone understand their own way?
Proverbs 20:24 NIV

I’m an introvert. I like to be introspective. But as much as I do, I quickly reach a point where I can see no further. I don’t understand fully how God made me or who I’m supposed to be. Yet with God’s Spirit with me, there is enough understanding to know my self-worth and act by faith.

Take a moment now to look at yourself according to the measure of faith God has given you (Romans 12:3). As you look into Jesus’s face, what love do you see looking back at you? Ask God to strengthen your faith. Then remember what you see. When you are tempted to doubt your worth in a difficult situation, recall how God sees you.

Read my book To Identity and Beyond for a more detailed discussion.
How to keep your self-worth.
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Be Close And Feel No Shame

August 29, 2021 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

To be close to someone requires that you reveal who you are. Unfortunately, because of the fall, we can experience shame by believing that we are ugly (deformed) in some way, even though God never intended us to experience this.

Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.
Genesis 2:25 NLT

That sums up the primary goal of marriage. Can you reveal who you are and what you really want, without hesitation or embarrassment? Can you do it with someone of the opposite sex who might not understand you so well?

You can be rejected and feel ashamed at the same time, but you don’t have to. If someone chooses to reject you, your response might range from indifference to depressed, to feeling deeply ashamed.

There’s no greater stress on your soul than feeling ashamed. To feel humiliated is to believe that your greatest desire will never be fulfilled. It happens when you honestly admit what you want more than anything while simultaneously accepting that the culmination of your desire is impossible, and therefore, something must be hopelessly wrong with who you are.

Freedom Enables Closeness

Freedom allows for longing to grow. When you have freedom, you can be aware of what you want and be allowed to pursue it.

Control is the opposite of freedom. It has to do with insecurity which can originate from the belief I am not worth being pursued. When you feel unattractive (whether by physical appearance or within your being), it’s tempting to force closeness (to prove worth) or distance (to avoid feeling worthless) in relationships.

So you can see how togetherness and separateness can be in conflict in marriage. Freedom allows your spouse to feel their desire to be with you. It allows both of you to be who God created you to be.

Love and Respect Enable Closeness

The desire for acceptance and the likelihood of experiencing shame promote defensiveness. But the resulting distance produces loneliness which isn’t good either (Genesis 2:18).

Love and respect affirm a person’s identity. They are the antidote to shame, so without them, shame is certain. Love and respect can’t be faked, so you must cultivate them genuinely.

Genuine togetherness occurs when both husband and wife desire to be together. You can encourage a desire for closeness by focusing on the positive qualities of both you and your spouse. You are both made in God’s image, so even when you might not be able to see positives qualities, they exist.

Separateness Enables Closeness

God didn’t make a husband and wife to be together 100% of the time. To be literally one would make the need for two obsolete. Instead, “one” means to function as one–to be on the same team. Members of a volleyball team would be much less effective if they were joined at the hip (too close) or if they played independently of each other (too separate). Their effectiveness increases as they cooperate but perform distinct functions. The strongest team will have diversified (not redundant) members who function together to achieve a purpose greater than they can achieve apart.

Marriage is more challenging than volleyball. It’s easier to be on the same team in volleyball because the skills required are fewer and simpler. The playing field is divided into two parts. The opponents are clearly visible. The objective is in plain sight.

When you lose sight of the purpose of marriage the team analogy becomes less understandable, but it’s no less valid. Conflict in marriage will increase to the degree the team objective is lost. The conflict often results from one or both people wanting too much closeness or too much separateness. A person’s expectations can become not only unhealthy but also impossible to fulfill.

Every relationship has an optimal amount of closeness which can vary depending on the season of life. Paradoxically, knowing how to be skillfully distinct (separate) allows for being the closest possible without feeling ashamed.

You can live knowing you are beautiful today for two reasons:

You are made in God’s image (Genesis 1:27).
God reformed you into a new creation without sin (2 Corinthians 5:17, Ephesians 4:24).

For these reasons, you can draw close to God without experiencing shame (Hebrews 4:16) and then also draw close as husband and wife.

For further learning, consider what is the objective of your marriage. How can you support each other on the same team? Ask God to help to see and affirm the positives in your spouse.

How do I Realize My Identity?

August 24, 2018 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

When life is a struggle, sometimes we wrestle with ourselves, sometimes with our circumstances, and sometimes we wrestle with God.

I wonder what challenge your facing that is causing you to want to realize your identity. Whatever the challenge is, I suggest you face it head-on. As you wrestle with it, you’ll learn more about who you are. Jacob wrestled with God and God ended up changing his name.

And Jacob was left alone. And a man wrestled with him until the breaking of the day. When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he touched his hip socket, and Jacob’s hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him. Then he said, “Let me go, for the day has broken.” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” And he said to him, “What is your name?” And he said, “Jacob.” Then he said, “Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with men, and have prevailed.” Then Jacob asked him, “Please tell me your name.” But he said, “Why is it that you ask my name?” And there he blessed him.

—Genesis 32:24-29

To understand your identity, you should also consider your worldview. What is your relationship to everything else besides you? Look at where you fit in comparison to everything else.

Considering your likes and dislikes is good. Considering what others see is also good. But there’s more. What brings deep satisfaction and meaning to you?

To realize your identity, enter into the following cycle:

Define yourself as best as you can. Who are you?
Live life. Experiment. Try something new.
Define your worldview. Where are you?
Define your purpose. Why are you here?
Define your goals. What do you want to accomplish next?
Focus on what is most meaningful to you for a while.
Return to step 1 and repeat.

Who Are You Really?

May 26, 2019 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

What do you know beyond a shadow of a doubt?

Do you know who you are? Can you know who you are? If so, can you tell me with absolute certainly?

Who you think you are may not be who you really are.

Question Reality

Do you accept reality as you see it? Are people basically good? Has anyone ever called you naïve?

Are you ever a little bit curious about another’s motive? If you’ve been betrayed, you might have become doubtful or suspicious. Could others be plotting your demise?

Too much questioning encourages fear. Paranoia is a sickness, but some suspicion might help you sniff out reality.

Think about your two closest neighbors or friends. Could one of them be an alien from another planet? Maybe some people you know are spies from another country, or wolves in sheep’s clothing.

It’s easy for me to question reality. I wonder about some people more than others, and you should too.

Am I being silly or am I being serious? Either way, you’ll never know before it’s too late. Maybe I’m an alien with a plan to take over the world.

Protect Reality

Question what you know to be true to strengthen your convictions. You will have less fear. You will have more assurance and peace.

The people of this world are concerned with protecting their territories:

How can we protect earth from an alien invasion or asteroid collision?

Who should we allow in our country?

Can you trust your neighbor?

Efforts to protect your home are necessarily. But more important than guarding your physical borders is discovering who you really are.

Discover Reality

I’m convinced there is a truer reality beyond what you can see. This truer reality is greater than you can imagine. You can’t see it completely, but it is still knowable. To see it you must search for it with spiritual eyes — the ones connected to your brain AND to your heart.

In C.S. Lewis’s The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, four children discover a magic wardrobe that contains a portal into another reality. The adults in their lives see only a plain wardrobe. But those four children, with their childlike innocence, see and enter into the truer reality. They begin an all-immersive adventure, and you can too.

Know Reality

If you believe in God, there are many surprising truths about God’s reality that apply directly to you. Are you an alien from another planet or a child of God? Maybe both, right?

You are more than a stranger to this world. But you are not a bizarre, diabolical alien. God says you are an ambassador. You are from “planet” God and one day you will return to Him.

You are more than a spy. Beneath whatever clothing you wear, are wounds, scars, and weaknesses that you want to keep secret from the rest of the world. But, instead of staying hidden, you seek to be brave enough to come forward as a witness and reveal your true identity.

You might fear you are a wolf because sometimes you behave like one. But in reality, you are a new creation made by God. You are an innocent sheep under God’s care.

Are you hiding your victories, gifts, and strengths from others and even from yourself? Your greatest victories come from your most painful wounds. Your gifts grow out of your scars. You are strong because you are also weak.

If you want to know the reality of who you are, you must look to both your strengths and your weaknesses.

Conclusion

There is a truer reality beyond what you see in front of you. You must seek it out with spiritual eyes. When you do, you can know for sure who you are.

I’m Matt Pavlik. I’m an ambassador who sometimes feels alienated from God, a witness who sometimes hides like a spy, and a sheep who sometimes acts like a wolf. But more than that, I know for sure I am a child of God (John 1:12).

If you’re ready for an adventure and you can see the portal, step through and start discovering who you really are.

How to Climb High (Without Falling)

February 16, 2020 by Matt Pavlik 2 Comments

I’m not afraid of heights (at least not as much as I used to be). But I’m not fearless either. A few years ago, my wife and I decided to paint the exterior of our house. It’s a tri-level. Not only that, but one section has a sunken patio.

I was fine with 8′ ladders, but this job required a 25′ ladder. At first, I was scared to go much beyond the 8′. By the end of the project, I was climbing all the way to the top. I found a healthy balance between too-afraid-to-climb and too-fearless-to-prevent-accidents.

Perfectionism is completing a task with a greater amount of energy or effort than is needed to meet the task’s objectives, in a way that leaves other areas of life lacking needed attention. Unchecked perfectionism creates an imbalanced life that can produce significant deficiencies.

Procrastination is different but can be related. You could spend an extra 2 hours cleaning your car because it allows you to delay an undesirable task (such as apologizing to your spouse).

The pure perfectionist finds satisfaction in the cleaning (for example) while not necessarily avoiding something else. Instead, the perfectionist seeks perfection to satisfy their desire for perfection. Sounds perfectly logical, doesn’t it?

The desire for perfection is okay. Nothing wrong there. Perfectionism becomes a “sickness” when it becomes obsessive or irrational. No person can hide that all of creation is under a curse–but that’s what a perfectionist tries to do. The time spent to bring order to one area of life means another area will suffer. When the effort becomes out of balance, life can become out of balance.

We took four months to paint our house. We kept up with our normal everyday tasks, but we cut out the non-essentials. I don’t think we could have shaved more time off of the project. I certainly didn’t want to have to paint it again. But I admit I’m somewhat of a perfectionist.

A desire for excellence is different but can be related. If perfectionism is over-compensating, then its opposite, negligence, is under-compensating. Both miss the mark. A perfectionist might call the negligent person “lazy.” Perhaps the lazy person has more fun?

The perfectionist doesn’t give up soon enough. The lazy person gives up too quickly. Somewhere in the middle is the pursuit of excellence. But even then the pursuit of excellence at some point must surrender to “it’s good enough for our purposes.” Every once in a while the perfectionist should ask, “Is there something more important I could be doing with my time? Has another task worked its way up to the top of my priority list?” Actually, those are the same questions a “lazy” person should ask, too. Although, I suspect they’d answer differently.

Perfectionism can also be expecting a higher standard than is necessary or possible at any given moment. The cost of missing the mark can be high.

The core questions are, “When is enough, enough?” and “When is not enough, not enough?” These are actually best left as deeply personal (subjective) questions. Keep in mind that all behavior (including lack of behavior) has consequences. Just because you’re fine showing up for work 30 minutes late most days, doesn’t mean you’re employer will agree.

Just because you’re fine to keep on sinning and pursue your own way of life, doesn’t mean God approves. God expects you to be perfect (holy), but He also provides the help you need to get there, which includes His infinitely loving patience. Thank God He is a lover of excellence and not a ruthless demander of instant perfection.

God’s love both accepts us as we are and motivates us to reach our full potential. Love wouldn’t be love without both. God sets the standard as high as Himself but then provides the ladder you need to reach it.

An unhealthy person might:

go for perfect foot placement on each rung and never reach the top.
climb all the way to the top but extend beyond the ladder too far and fall off in the process.
worry about how high the ladder goes and never start climbing.
look with hatred or mistrust at the person holding the ladder and walk away.
freeze during the climb, unable to continue up or down.
climb part of the way and jump off because the jumping is fun.
climb part of the way and fall off because climbing requires letting go of things considered to be too important.

Of course, I think you know the correct way to climb:

trust the ladder holder.
don’t look down.
don’t climb too fast or too slow.
focus on the ladder holder, not how high you have to go.
when the time is right, drop the heavy stuff that you don’t need anymore.
don’t wait until you are fearless to start climbing.

Sexual Abuse Devastates Identity

May 7, 2018 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

I wrote an article for Darlene Harris, creator of And He Restoreth My Soul Project. Her goal is to provide healing resources for those caught in the crossfire of abuse.

If you suffer from the effects of abuse or know someone who does, this article explains the emotional and spiritual struggles of abuse and offers steps for recovery. Read Part I: Sexual Abuse Recovery From a Christian Perspective. Part II will be posted on May 14.

Heal Your Memories

February 24, 2019 by Matt Pavlik 4 Comments

Wouldn’t it be nice to heal without having to relive painful memories? Unfortunately, to heal a memory, it’s necessary to face it directly. You can’t change a memory, but you can change how you see it. How you interpret life events that can create serious emotional problems. Healing a memory involves changing its meaning from negative to positive.

Your brain stores your significant memories along with how positively or negatively you interpret those personal events. That sounds great for positive memories but why would you want to store negative memories? You need to access negative memories if you want to heal.

Part of healing is learning from what happened. The re-interpreting is the learning. Therefore, remembering is essential to healing. So, it’s not a good idea to zap yourself or hit your head until you forget an awful memory.

To change a memory’s interpretation you must appeal to a higher authority than you looked to when you created the memory. Even the determination of which authority is higher is subjective. Some people look to harmful or even evil people as their authority. As Christians, we know God is the ultimate authority, but we also know our sin within can deceive us.

This is part 2 of Sean’s healing journey.

Sean’s Memories Need Healing

Sean entered into a negative cycle that seriously picked up steam during his high school years. He continued to act out in high school. Once the victim, he now became the bully. When anyone taunted him, he fought back swiftly. He hunted down those who harmed him, including those that he hadn’t spoken to in years.

One day though, Sean started feeling different. After another fight, a girl from his class spoke kindly to him, “You’re so angry. You must be really hurt inside.” He started feeling a twinge of guilt whenever he saw the hurt on his victim’s face. He remembered how sad he felt before he allowed anger to consume him. Sean didn’t understand why he was changing. God was about to draw him into a much-needed healing process.

Sean began to realize how his behavior was hurtful and pointless. What did it accomplish? No matter how many fights he got into, he still felt miserable. He made a commitment to stop mistreating others and himself. At first, this was difficult and he had mixed results. He stopped picking fights but found it more difficult to stop his binge eating.

When Sean was twenty years old, God led him through some specific memories. Sean revisited his experience of losing his bicycle at 7 years old. He felt the pain of loss like he never had before. This was actually the first time he allowed himself the luxury of grieving his loss.

The Truth Heals Sean

Sean realized for the first time that he didn’t deserve his parents’ harsh response to someone stealing his bicycle. His parents didn’t give him the opportunity to correct his ways after his mistake. His life in the past thirteen years would have been very different if his parents could have restored him gently.

God lead Sean to specific scriptures that demonstrated how He offers mercy and grace along with the truth.

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.
John 1:14 ESV

The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
Psalm 103:8 ESV

Sean became involved in a small group at his church and he told them his bicycle story. God led the members of his group to come around Sean and help him see and experience God’s love. They chipped in and purchased a new (adult) bicycle for Sean. Sean used his new bicycle to get to school and work.

Part 3 of Sean’s Story explains in more detail how to heal emotional wounds.

Sean’s Story Part 1
Sean’s Story Part 3
Image by Isa KARAKUS from Pixab ay

Be Spiritually Competent

April 11, 2021 by Matt Pavlik 1 Comment

Being spiritually competent probably means many different things to different people. I take it to mean a combination of discerning the truth and living out the truth so that you become emotionally healthy. The spiritually competent Christian knows how to interpret the Bible and actively pursues spiritual growth.

Carl Jung, a psychologist, said, “To be fully aware and embracing of all that is within us and consciously seeking to be all that we can be is our most noble quest.” To be that aware is only possible with God’s divine help. If we want to know ourselves better, we must also know God better. When we know God better, we will also know ourselves better.

Each moment in life presents an opportunity to either improve your competence or to remain indifferent. Your choice won’t change your worth before God, however, how you experience life will be vastly different.

Jung had another well-known phrase, “Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering.” It is profound but it is also somewhat cryptic. It’s worth a deeper look. Put another way, Jung is saying you can either suffer legitimately or suffer neurosis.

The Spiritually Competent Avoid Suffering Needlessly

The greatest way to suffer needlessly is at your own hand. So often we inflict unnecessary punishment upon ourselves as a penance. Life has enough consequences built in without you adding your own.

Christ has already paid for your past, present, and future sins. What happens if you don’t fully grasp this core truth of the gospel? You probably develop some sort of neurosis.

C. George Boeree thought of neurosis as a “poor ability to adapt to one’s environment, an inability to change one’s life patterns” with symptoms such as “anxiety, sadness or depression, anger, irritability, low sense of self-worth, phobic avoidance, impulsive and compulsive acts, lethargy, unpleasant or disturbing thoughts, repetition of thoughts and obsession, habitual fantasizing, negativity and cynicism, [unhealthy] dependency, aggressiveness, perfectionism…” (1)

Is it possible that these symptoms show up as a result of avoiding the hard work of spiritual growth? I’m not suggesting it’s wrong to feel anxious or depressed but I am suggesting that it’s certainly possible to reduce and even eliminate them.

Jung was an early advocate for character development in its most pure sense. He knew that we can only really be happy, fulfilled, and socially productive when we have not only come to know but also come to terms with our biggest challenge: ourselves.
Dr George Simon, Phd (2)

The Spiritually Competent Suffer As God Wills

Hebrews 10:32-39 and 1 Peter 3:13-17 provide a biblical perspective on legitimate suffering. It’s better to suffer while doing good than doing evil. Sometimes no matter what you do, you’re going to suffer. So it might as well be for the noblest reasons.

To suffer legitimately means you accept life as it is. You don’t need to escape from the fact that all living beings experience some suffering. The criminals on their crosses illustrate this idea:

One of the criminals hanging on the cross next to Jesus kept ridiculing him, saying, “What kind of Messiah are you? Save yourself and save us from this death!” The criminal hanging on the other cross rebuked the man, saying, “Don’t you fear God? You’re about to die! We deserve to be condemned. We’re just being repaid for what we’ve done. But this man—he’s done nothing wrong!”Then he said, “I beg of you, Jesus, show me grace and take me with you into your everlasting kingdom!”Jesus responded, “I promise you—this very day you will enter paradise with me.”
Luke 23:39-43 TPT

The first criminal was trying to weasel his way out of the punishment as if he didn’t deserve it. The second criminal accepted the punishment but appealed to God’s grace. The avoidance of developing character leads away from legitimate suffering and toward distressing symptoms. The worst kind of suffering is suffering for no good reason.

If you try to cheat life by hoping someone will ignore your sins and give you a free pass, your circumstances will likely overtake you. This requires no effort on your part, but you can end up suffering more this way than the way of character development.

If you choose growth you will become more resilient and better able to meet life’s demands. This way requires you to choose humility by owning your sins and relying on God’s grace. Accepting responsibility for what you’ve done doesn’t usually remove consequences. You might still suffer, but your suffering will bear fruit, and being spiritually competent will ease your pain. Isn’t the attitude of the second criminal much better than the first?

Read more about suffering needlessly.
(1) modified from what I found on https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neurosis
(2) Additional thoughts on Carl Jung can be found at https://counsellingresource.com/features/2010/08/03/jung-words-of-wisdom
Image by Jeff Jacobs from Pixabay

Why A Cult Becomes Attractive

May 18, 2018 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

Allison Mack, a former Smallville actress, has been in the news recently for her alleged participation in a sex cult. She led other women to participate in physical mutilation, starvation, and sex acts.

How could someone end up convinced this is okay?

What is a Cult?

A cult is different from a religious movement such as a Christian church in one very important way. A cult has an underlying, intentional mission to exploit its membership for its own selfish gain. The leadership might be the only ones who benefit and the only ones aware of the full extent of the cult’s destructive agenda.

A healthy church, while never perfect, has an explicit mission to help, nurture, and strengthen its membership. God wants us to be committed to Him and His church but He never coerces us against our will.

A cult usually has three defining characteristics:

Members are required to maintain an unquestioning commitment to the cult and its leadership.
Members tolerate exploitative manipulation (whether they see it as such or not).
Members harm other members and anyone outside the cult they can influence.

See International Cultic Studies Association or More About Cults for more details.

What Kind of Person is Attracted to a Cult?

To be attracted to a cult, a person must have a deep unmet need. Since this describes most if not all people, the person must also lack an absolute worldview and suffer from low self-worth. By absolute worldview, I mean a solid understanding of what life is all about, based on fact, not fiction.

Other factors leading to vulnerability to joining a cult include:

Having a strong need to belong
A desire for meaning and to make a difference
Lacking boundaries – an inability to define oneself
Lacking confidence – an inability to discern and confront questionable behavior
Lacking independence – an inability to think for oneself and make one’s own decisions
Acting with blind trust – a willingness to give up one’s identity and follow another’s
Dissatisfaction with how life is going

Notice that many of the factors are good and normal. An empty person looking for an answer will be drawn to a cult because a cult has answers. A naive, desperate, and/or gullible person will not catch that the answers are evil; instead, they will see only superficial good intentions. Having an answer to the meaning of life is a core need. Without meaning, you’re extremely vulnerable to signing up for the first movement that comes your way.

The Perfect Protection Against a Cult

If you won’t stand for something good, you might end up following something evil. Invest your best effort to develop a confident identity which includes an absolute worldview. Knowing your worldview and identity keeps you safe. A worldview can’t be what you hope is true; it must contain some elements of what is actually true.

Life is demanding. To meet the demand, you must come to a greater knowledge of who you are. In particular, you must understand who God made you to be.

Don’t fall into the same trap as Allison Mack. Popularity and fame are poor substitutes for meaning and identity. You can’t have meaning without knowing your identity. Learn how to develop a Confident Identity.

All Things New

January 11, 2020 by Matt Pavlik 3 Comments

A traumatic event is not easily forgotten. As you begin this new year, what is one thing you’d like to forget?

If you’re in a car accident, your car doesn’t fix itself. If your tooth develops a cavity, the decay needs to be removed. When something breaks, you must decide what to do with it. Can it be restored? Is there hope, or are you better off cutting your losses?

If nothing will ever change, then hope will be impossible. Then all that remains is suffering.

God introduces the needed change.

I am creating something new. There it is! Do you see it?
I have put roads in deserts, streams in thirsty lands.
Isaiah 43:19 CEV

Because God is making us anew, hope is inevitable. You can change. You don’t have to remain stuck and hopeless. God is rehabilitating you. God wants you to feel hopeful.

Anyone who belongs to Christ is a new person. The past is forgotten, and everything is new.
2 Corinthians 5:17 CEV

Forget what happened long ago! Don’t think about the past.
Isaiah 43:18 CEV

The more you can leave behind your past, the better you will be. “Leave behind” is a loaded phrase. It takes significant emotional work to leave behind difficult experiences (memories).

Therefore, to move forward, you first need to move backward. If your carpet is dirty and worn, you need to rip it out before you can install new carpet.

Grieving is the work of leaving behind. Once that raggedy carpet is gone, you can forget about it. But you don’t want to completely forget about it, otherwise, you’ll be more likely to repeat an accident (like spilling grape juice).

Grieving allows you to remember the lesson, but forget about the discomfort and shame. Forget about it. Don’t worry about it. You are free. Once you are free, you are open to all that God has for you.

What is one new thing you want God to do in your life this year?

How To Know When To Say No

August 15, 2020 by Matt Pavlik 1 Comment

You might be more of a people pleaser than you realize. When you are presented with a decision, how often do you discount your opinion with something like, “I can go either way” or “It doesn’t matter to me; you pick”? Or, maybe you disregard your opinion with a “Yes” without considering what you want.

Certainly, there will be times when you are indifferent. Even during these times, it’s nearly always a good idea to know what you want, even if you give up what you want for someone else.

A quick response of indifference might involve the least amount of effort, but it can cost you significantly more later on. Instead, what if you invested the time to know what you want?

The less you know yourself, the harder it is to give a clear, direct answer to even a simple question. When you know yourself well, your answer will be second nature.

You might be wondering, “How do I get to know myself?” There are two main approaches to strengthening your self-image. You can remain reactive or go proactive.

In reactive mode, you stumble through life and only give consideration to your ways when it becomes absolutely required of you (if ever).
In proactive mode, you consider your ways every chance you get. You explore your past and use what you learn to better your future. You take advantage of the fact that God gives you truth about life, including details about who you are.

A step in-between the two modes is trial and error. You essentially try something blindly. Then perhaps as an afterthought, you evaluate the outcome. It’s not completely reactive or proactive.

The superior approach is having an awareness of who you are. Then during any given moment, you can proactively choose how to act based on what you know about yourself. God wants you to live a self-examined life (see Haggai 1).

Essential to every approach is what you do with your experiences. God gives you a process to discover your identity (who you are as defined by God). The goal is to increase the awareness of your identity so that decisions become easier over time.

If you have trouble people-pleasing or making good decisions, that’s usually because you don’t know yourself well enough. Learning who you are can occur “on accident,” but knowing yourself will take much longer that way.

Instead, take the time to evaluate your experiences and weed out the lies that are growing in the garden of your self-image. With the clutter of lies cleared away, you’ll know more clearly whether you want to say yes or no.

For example: if you don’t know who you are very well, then you might end up with an over-booked schedule. You’ll wonder why you are tired and irritable. If you continue to ignore your God-given identity, you’ll assume you are doing what God wants you to be doing because you are serving others.

In contrast, with healthy boundaries that come from a healthy identity, you’ll be confident about where to draw the line. You can say yes to some activities and no to others without feeling guilty or overwhelmed.

Some things God requires of you. You should feel motivated to do right and not wrong. But actually, most things are up to you. God loves a cheerful giver (2 Corinthians 9:7). You can decide to go for a walk or stay home. You can decide to visit a friend or be by yourself. For these decisions, you must trust that God gives you enough intelligence to choose.

You can know what to choose by determining what level of self-care you need at any given moment. Then weigh that against the needs of others around you.

You might be surprised at your preferences when you discover them, but they are never a surprise to God. God knows what you will choose before you choose it. Trust that God gave you a built-in preference system–that’s your identity.

Image by Jan Vašek from Pixabay

Act With Authority As You Live By The Spirit

July 25, 2021 by Matt Pavlik 1 Comment

Authority implies both confidence and the power to back it up. How often do you feel confident enough to act with God’s power? If you’re like me, you can never have too many reminders that God is on your side empowering you accomplish His will.

God wants us to act with authority when we are in alignment with His desires.

Act With Authority: Prioritize God’s Kingdom

If God wants something to happen, He can supply all you need to accomplish it. God knows what is most important in life. It’s those most important tasks that will ultimately bring the most joy by fulfilling them.

Sometimes, it’s hard to see what tasks are kingdom-focused. There are so many distractions and possibilities for how to live. The verse below starts with “seek.” Other words for seek are: pursue, explore, investigate, follow. That would imply that out understanding of God’s kingdom isn’t complete.

God also wants us to pursue what is right and reasonable. Believers have the mind of Christ, so we have some idea of what to pursue. Walking in the Spirit and being connect with God’s mind provides all we need to act with authority.

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
Matthew 6:33 NLT

Act With Authority: Don’t Worry

If you want something more than God thinks you need it, then you’ll end up carrying the burden for claiming it.

If you and Jesus are yoked together pulling a great weight, the effort required will be burdensome or manageable depending upon who is more eager to pull the weight.

If you are in a place of submission by letting Jesus lead, He will do most of the heavy lifting. But if in your impatience, you want to move faster than Jesus, you will feel the strain on your shoulders.

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30 NLT

Act With Authority: Work Hard

Allowing God to lead doesn’t mean there is nothing left for you to do. God wants us to labor with all we have.

God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another. Do you have the gift of speaking? Then speak as though God himself were speaking through you. Do you have the gift of helping others? Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then everything you do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ. All glory and power to him forever and ever! Amen.
Ephesians 4:10-11 NLT

Therefore, we should develop a sophisticated believe system that allows for a complex application of God’s truth. We can both be dependent upon God’s strength and fully exercise our own strength. Both require faith because our strength can’t compare to God’s. But God wants us to participate with Him in the pursuit of His kingdom.

As you go about your days ahead, exercise your faith by seeking God’s kingdom. Put into practice all that you’ve learned from the Bible, the Spirt, and other believers. While you do this, be aware of God’s strength working in your life.

I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead
Ephesians 1:18-20 NIV

Grow Your Desire To Advance God’s Kingdom
Image by 4144132 from Pixabay

Reach Your Potential By Playing The Long Game

September 8, 2018 by Matt Pavlik 1 Comment

In chess, the pawn is the weakest piece. However, if you stop your understanding of the pawn there, you’ll miss that the pawn also has the most potential of all the pieces. If it reaches the other side of the board, it becomes more powerful because you can upgrade it to any piece you want.

God Wants You To Reach Your Potential

You might think you’re only a pawn, but God sees your full potential. When you are born again, you are upgraded to a new creation that permanently holds God’s Holy Spirit.

Even then, God has more in store for you.

Life isn’t a game. I’m not suggesting you play games with your life. But life is all about growth. Playing the long game means investing the effort to achieve maximum results. There isn’t a more fulfilling way to live even though most of the time this requires sacrificing short-term rewards.

Sacrifice Immediate Rewards To Reach Your Potential

Jesus gave up His earthly life to secure an everlasting victory over death. His life was short but long on results. He achieved such outstanding results because He followed the Father’s plan. He fulfilled His destiny.

You, too, have a clearly defined destiny. Have you invested the time to learn what it is? You can’t play the long game without it. You can expect to spend your whole life in preparation for the next moment of your life. God wants you to know your identity as a created masterpiece and walk in good works. The more you know your identity, the more you know your destiny.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
—Ephesians 2:10

God made you for a specific purpose. Who you are is enough to fulfill your purpose. You have all you need to reach your potential. But you must seek and discover to reach your potential.

To accomplish this, you have to be sure you don’t become distracted away from God’s higher plans. As you become more, you’ll be able to accomplish more. But, if you don’t invest in growth, you delay reaching your potential. What are some examples of distraction traps?

Spending on material gain when you could be investing in spreading God’s kingdom.
Elevating entertainment above the hard work of spiritual and emotional growth.
Living an imbalanced life by working your job most of the time.

Care For Others To Reach Your Potential

The long-game player focuses on whatever it takes to cross the finish line. Sometimes this means prioritizing the immediate to achieve maximum impact. Jesus spent time healing people who eventually died. At first glance, this seems like a waste of time. He did it anyway because He cares. He showed us the Father’s heart.

Whatever you do while motivated by God’s love is never a waste of time. Focusing on the end-results shouldn’t prevent you from doing what is right in the moment. You just want to make sure that what you are about to do doesn’t sabotage your ability to finish the race.

Jesus never allowed any short-term gain to delay, diminish, or deter Him from God’s long-term plans. God’s long-term plans are non-negotiable, but He is flexible with immediate events. After all, it’s taking each step that moves you closer to the finish.

You can’t play the long game without faith. God always sees the end—the infinite future. Because you can’t see that far, you must trust His vision. You can, however, see far enough to take the next step.

More About Potential and Some More
Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

Use Your Potential or You Might Lose It

September 29, 2018 by Matt Pavlik 2 Comments

One of Aesop’s Fables, The Miser and His Gold, demonstrates that without God, the fear of not having enough is strong.

Once upon a time there was a Miser who buried his gold near a tree in his garden; but every week he used to go and dig it up and gloat over his gains. A robber, who had noticed this, went and dug up the gold and left town with it. When the Miser next came to gloat over his treasures, he found nothing but the empty hole. He tore his hair and raised such an outcry that all the neighbors came around him, and he told them how he used to come and visit his gold.

“Did you ever take any of it out?” asked one of them.

“No,” said he, “I only came to look at it.”

“Then come again and look at the hole,” said a neighbor; “it will do you just as much good.”

Wealth unused might as well not exist.

The Miser lives a stagnant, distracted life and remains empty despite having a treasure. He is mesmerized by his treasure but he only has the illusion of fullness. He has the wrong focus: external and worldly. He clings to the vain and empty. He feels anxious because he uses creation the wrong way.

Using the visible to attempt to fill the spiritual doesn’t work.

The Miser expects security from wealth when God didn’t make money for this purpose (1 Timothy 6:10). Using something the wrong way is expecting more from it that it is capable of delivering. If you put too much strain on a shovel, it will break. Or, if you put too much weight in an elevator, the cable snaps. If you expect too much from a friend, you might lose your friend.

Another story, the Parable of the Talents (Matthew 25:14–30), demonstrates that without a Confident Identity you can’t please God. In the parable, the master gives his servants talents (money) according to their ability. Two of the servants multiply their God-given resources. The master showers them with equal praise, independent of their ability. But, the master condemns the lazy servant who doesn’t attempt to use his ability. He lacks initiative because he focuses on his fear of failure. He is unable to perform because he doesn’t feel secure in his identity.

Why doesn’t the servant feel secure enough to invest? He probably didn’t take the time to pursue learning his identity with the help of others’ encouragement. The lesson for the servant might be potential that you never use might as well not exist. Those who completely avoid God out of fear demonstrate they don’t really know Him. God wants you to trust and invest. God wants you to activate what He’s given you. Your identity won’t do you any good unless you discover it and use it wisely.

Both the Miser and the lazy servant believe the wrong information about God and their own sense of self. Both are fear based and seek a false security. The Miser relies on a treasure instead of God. The servant would rather not try at all than to try and fail, even though to not try is the surest way to fail. Neither is willing to risk failure in order to live up to their potential. Both seek self-preservation apart from God.

As with many stories Jesus told in the Bible, the interpretation depends on your standing before God. When you’re in good standing already (meaning you’re a believer) the stories are meant to encourage and reassure. God wants to shower praise on you for your sincere efforts. For those who hate God and don’t know Him, the messages are extreme. They’re meant as a warning to encourage drastic action to put you in good standing.

Use it or you might lose it. Think of a gift or blessing God has given you. How can you use it today?

To Identity and Beyond

December 9, 2018 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

Matt’s third book is now available for purchase. If you struggle to know the importance of your God-given identity, To Identity and Beyond is a must read.

Man desiring to be powerful, looking to God for help.

Be Powerful Without Being Self-absorbed

October 4, 2020 by Matt Pavlik 1 Comment

The quickest way to be powerful is to develop healthy doses of humility and confidence. If you lean too far in one direction then life becomes unbalanced and can lead to a world of hurt and trouble. But, healthy humility and confidence result in joy.

How does joy related to power? To answer this, I first want you to consider the following four possible combinations of humility and confidence:

Self-loathing: a false humility without much if any confidence means harmfully low self-worth. This person actively rejects the truth about who God is and who He made them to be.
Self-deprecating: a helpful amount of humility without enough confidence leads to questionable self-worth. This person is healthy when they have a lighthearted ability to laugh at their mistakes. However, their negative self-expression can also come from a poisoned self-image.
Self-confident: a helpful dose of humility and confidence means self-care without arrogance. This person lets God be God while also feeling good about who they are.
Self-absorbed: too little humility with too much confidence results in an inflated sense of importance. This person becomes overcompensates for their low self-worth by focusing too much on trying to feel powerful. Increasing focus on self becomes a dead-end at self-loathing. An unhealthy preoccupation with self misses out on what God has to offer.

People become self-absorbed when they look only within themselves to heal their brokenness. In futility, people try to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps. But, the power that originates anywhere except from God promises only the illusion of confidence.

For example, if self becomes everything and God is minimized, then God isn’t in His rightful position in our lives. We’re not really going to succeed – maybe we’ll succeed with financially or something – but overall for God’s kingdom and his purposes we won’t be succeeding.

Be Humble So You Can Be Powerful

The world says you must be strong and independent to be powerful. But an “I can do it all by myself” attitude fails to activate God’s power.

Do you want to be full of your own power or full of God's power? You can be humble, confident, and full of God's power. Why settle for only what you can muster without God? Share on X

God says to be powerful, you must be weak enough to accept His help. A healthy weakness is a vulnerable dependence. Depending upon God activates His power.

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.
2 Corinthians 12:9 NLT

Be Confident So You Can Be Powerful

If you focus too much on God, if that’s possible, and minimize yourself then you can develop self-loathing where you don’t feel like you’re much of anything. Self-loathing is simply another form of arrogance that blocks God out of your life.

God’s power isn’t going to shine through you then. You need to have a right view of yourself so that God’s power will rest on you and work through you.

Be Joyful So You Can Be Powerful

The joy of the Lord is your strength (Nehemiah 8:10). How can you experience joy if you carry the heavy load of bitterness toward your own spirit?

Passively waiting for God to make you powerful doesn’t work. To be full of power, you must actively allow God to fill you, which also means keeping yourself empty of substitute fillings. Being filled with the Spirit means having great joy in God.

So be very careful how you live, not being like those with no understanding, but live honorably with true wisdom, for we are living in evil times. Take full advantage of every day as you spend your life for his purposes. And don’t live foolishly for then you will have discernment to fully understand God’s will. And don’t get drunk with wine, which is rebellion; instead be filled with the fullness of the Holy Spirit.
Ephesians 5:15-18 TPT

How Can We Be Powerful And Not Self-absorbed? How Can We Be Confident While Also Humble?

If we want to be powerful, we must be joyful. If we want to be joyful, we can’t live rebelliously independent from God. We must stop living with the habits of self-deprecation and self-absorption. The antidote for poisoning shame is to look to God for help.

Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces.
Psalm 34:5 NLT

So we should go for everything. We should do all that we can – shoot from the moon so to speak – but also keep that in check by accepting whatever God provides or doesn’t provide in our lives.

He may have a different plan than the one on our minds, and it may take some time to figure out what that is, but it doesn’t mean we should just be sidelined and sitting back and waiting for something to happen either.

We should take the truths in the Bible that God has given us and run with them as best as we can. But ultimately it is up to God to author our success.

The inspiration for this post came from a conversation I had with Kidron Tirey.

Image by İbarihim Halil Uyğur from Pixabay

Are You Addicted to God?

June 2, 2019 by Matt Pavlik 2 Comments

What is your ‘why’ that drives you out of bed every morning? If you’re relying on something other than God and His calling, you’re missing out on God’s best.

I spent the first twenty years of my life on the outside looking for some sense of meaning. I was desperate to find something more powerful than the emptiness of day-to-day life. When I became a Christian at twenty, I finally found my answer.

You can do better than what the world has to offer. You can start each day with motivation that originates from deep within you.

You can do better than caffeine

Caffeine stimulates, but it doesn’t connect you to your Creator.

Everyone has a purpose. Some people are aware of their calling. But too few invest the continuous effort required to reject the lies the world offers and grow into their God-given identity. Play the long game.

Playing the long game means looking at life with long-range vision. What is happening today is never the end, but only the beginning. Each day has its purpose but also builds towards a bigger plan tomorrow.

You can do better than boring

Life is boring without God. But God’s plan unfolds in new ways every second of the day.

God didn’t waste a second of Jesus’s life. He had a purpose and a strategy for everything He accomplished. Jesus lived up to His identity and fulfilled His deepest longing. Now He calls you to find your passion and advance God’s kingdom.

To advance God’s kingdom, you must be connected to Jesus. Apart from Him, you can’t accomplish anything of spiritual worth (John 15:5). When you are enlightened by God’s Spirit, you have the power to advance God’s purposes.

You can do better than random

Life is mysterious. God doesn’t reveal everything about His plans, but He wants you to seek and find spiritual insight.

God knew you before you were born. You have a destiny to pursue. Your identity doesn’t change, but how you see yourself changes over your lifetime. Pursue your identity and enjoy abundant life.

Abundant life comes from participating with God in His work. You can’t have life to the fullest without participating in spiritual growth. God’s plan for your life involves your spiritual growth and helping others with their spiritual growth.

You can do better than worrying

Short-term solutions provide a false hope. Then, you’re back to worrying about where to find your next fix.

God is the perfect fit for the receptors in your brain. He’s better than drugs or medicine. When you’re connected to Him, you experience a transcendent peace. God wired you to connect with Him.

Don’t be afraid to ask God to speak encouragement to you. I don’t always feel great about life. There are plenty of distractions. When you feel discouraged, that’s a perfect time to revisit your ‘why’. Ask God why you should continue when life isn’t going the way you hoped it would.

You can have passion for living and become unstoppable

Being addicted to God means you have at least tasted that God is good (Psalm 34:8). Life can be challenging. You won’t be able to do everything right all the time. But in your heart you know you can return to God’s goodness. Once you’ve tasted God, you realize nothing else comes close to satisfying like He does.

Are you waking up to who God is? Can you see His reality?

You are unstoppable because you have access to God at all times. God’s kingdom is real and your participation counts.

Tomorrow morning when you wake up, think about what motivates you to keep doing what you need to do. Can you sense what is at stake if you give up?

Many things satisfy earthy desires. These aren’t necessarily wrong. But…

You can do better.

God, awaken our spiritual senses to You. Reveal more of who you are. Help us not forget there’s more to this life than we can see.

Image by Myriam Zilles from Pixabay

Never Give Up

July 28, 2019 by Matt Pavlik 1 Comment

Have you ever been tempted to give up? Maybe you’ve encountered failure after failure or disappointment after disappointment. No matter what you do or how hard you try, your efforts don’t bring the results you hope for.

But guess what? Past results don’t predict future results with any certainty – not when God is involved. Abraham and Sarah were too old to have a child, but God made it happen according to His promise.

Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt but they didn’t reach the promised land for 40 years. God fulfilled His promise when Joshua took over after Moses passed away. Yet, consider that the Israelites were enslaved for 400 years prior to God starting the delivery process. That’s multiple generations of suffering. That’s plenty of time to give up and some of them did grumble and give up, but you don’t have to.

Giving up is pretty much the same as giving in to the enemy. When Christians are tired and discouraged we can easily stop fighting for what is good.

God is never too late. What hasn’t happened yet, isn’t yet required. God holds every decision in His control.

Are you questioning whether God will allow your dream to be fulfilled? If your dream is godly, then I have a better question for you. How will you pass the time until God ordains your dream to bear fruit? What is the least amount of fear you can live with while you wait? Are you under crushing fear because you doubt God knows how to run the universe (or your life).

When negative events come out of nowhere, it’s easy to anticipate more negatives. Why? Because no one likes surprise losses. If you expect something negative, then you have some semblance of control over it. But if a negative occurs unpredictably, you no longer feel safe. If a negative event happens randomly, what will prevent another one from happening again, and then again?

The problem with this line of thinking is it leaves God out of the equation completely. Just because God doesn’t prevent something bad the first time, doesn’t mean He will continue to let you suffer (1 Peter 5:10).

If you lose heart, you’ve lost everything. You can always recover, but to do so requires that you reignite your faith. You may not have realized your dream in your expected timeframe, but God has the power to complete the impossible. What is impossible for man, is yet possible for God.

What can we conclude then? God’s timing is more important than our timing. When we are believers, we know God cares for us, so we also know whatever happens, no matter how difficult, we can never lose a dream that God can’t find and restore.

Our lives are significant, so we must always work for, and ask for, good things. However, we must also be prepared to accept delays and setbacks. As we grow in faith, we grow in acceptance of what God provides. He provides the right amount – not too much and not too little.*

Your efforts count. Never give up. You can make a difference in other’s lives that has eternal significance. Don’t give up doing good.

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.
Galatians 6:9

No matter what happens, never forget that you and God are on the same team. God and you ultimately have the same goal. You perform good works that will advance God’s kingdom (Ephesians 2:10).

* If you would like to explore this idea further, read my book, To Identity and Beyond.
Image by Matthias Böckel from Pixabay