Christian Concepts

Bringing your Potential to Light

Matt Pavlik

Marital Unity Leaves A Rich Legacy

Marital Unity Leaves A Rich Legacy

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Reading time: 4 minutes

What happens when children see unity between husband and wife? A united marriage has a profound influence on children’s development, emotional well-being, and spiritual growth. This post will explore the long-term effects of a strong marital bond on children’s lives. A unified marriage creates a secure environment.

Individual health is required for a healthy marriage. A healthy marriage is required for healthy children. This seems hopelessly circular until we understand that the Godhead is already three perfect beings in perfect relationship. Generational change is possible. It starts with an individual’s decision to mature.

Trinity Unity

God uses His built-in unity to heal individuals and this will improve the associated relationships. One person’s growth will make a difference in a relationship. Husband and wife do not have to grow at the same time or the same rate. Focusing on your growth will always improve your relationships.

God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit perfectly harmonize their distinct roles. They have always existed this way so their cooperation is natural. Their interactions are seamless. There are no awkward misunderstandings. They don’t step on each others’ toes. They are completely confident, satisfied, and fulfilled in their roles.

God has infinite power, wisdom, and understanding that He can inject into any otherwise hopelessly circular system. This is the only hope for generational healing.

Community Unity

As the marriage goes, so goes the family. The relationship between husband and wife sets the tone for the entire family. Children’s development will suffer to the degree the marriage is dysfunctional.

Experiencing two people contributing their gifts to the family teaches children something they cannot learn in any other way. Healthy teamwork provides needed nutrients for children to grow. Teamwork illustrates the essentials of a healthy relationship:

  • Communication: listening, understanding
  • Conflict Resolution: negotiating, problem-solving
  • Love: nurturing, patience, endurance, sacrifice, long-suffering
  • Respect: deferring, honoring, submitting

A role is simply a facet of a person’s identity. With the right attributes, a person can fulfill a specific role. The God-given attributes of a man give him the potential to be a father. The God-given attributes of a woman give her the potential to be a mother. The attributes always precede the role. Not all women are mothers, but all mothers are women.

Male and Female Unity

No one person possesses all of God’s traits. God designed males and females to specialize in differing abilities like provision (typically male) and nurturing (typically female). The joining of a man and a woman in marriage has the potential to mirror the unity of the Godhead.

Before the two sexes can function well together, each person must develop personal unity. A person who is conflicted internally will bring this deficiency into their relationships which will result in interpersonal conflict.

The woman who is confident in her identity will be able to bring the fullness of God’s created design into all of her relationships. Likewise, a confident man will be a blessing to those he relates to. God takes this to a whole new level when He puts the two together as one.

When observed alone, man’s abilities do not seem important. But the value of a man comes alive when observed in a healthy relationship with his wife and children. He can provide what they lack. Likewise, a woman’s special abilities do not seem enough until she relates to her husband and children.

Regardless of their sex, most people can do almost everything adequately. But, a man lacks a woman’s gifting and a woman lacks a man’s gifting. Make every effort to appreciate the unique energy both bring to life. A truly gifted person will function at a much higher level for much longer. Entering this sweet spot will take years of work but that’s what will leave a rich legacy.

Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit. So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone—especially to those in the family of faith.

Galatians 6:8-10 NLT

Learn more about Marital Unity.
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3 Reasons To Trust God Today

3 Reasons To Trust God Today

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Reading time: 3 minutes

Trust God today because of His faithful, unchanging love. God is not fickle; He does not change His mind but steadily works out what He has planned before the foundation of the world. Whatever He has planned will come to pass.

I know that you can do all things,
    and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.

Job 42:2 ESV

God accomplishes His plans but simultaneously cares about the details of your life.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

1 Peter 5:6-7 ESV

God wants us to be successful, although, our ideas of what this means are often different than God’s ideas. God is more concerned about His long-term goals. We can’t see that far out, so we tend to be more concerned about what is happening right now. That’s where trust becomes essential. If we are to give up our immediate happiness and keep a sense of peace, then we must trust God will work out everything for good.

Trust God Because He is Faithful and Supportive

Joshua 1 highlights God’s unchanging presence as well as defines success from God’s perspective. No matter what is happening, God will not abandon you. Of course, this chapter must be understood in context. It doesn’t mean God will grant you whatever you want. However, whatever God wants for your life, which is many good things, He is working to make it happen.

No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you.
Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do.

Joshua 1:5,8 NLT

God’s promises for success are conditional. We can’t do whatever we want and expect awesome results. We can’t choose sin and ongoing, willful disobedience and avoid God’s discipline and correction. “Will not abandon or fail” means God will work to conform you to His image.

God encourages us every step along the way during the fulfillment of His plans. This is true for His immediate plans in this life, and certainly for His plans for the next life.

Trust God Because He Died For You

If you are a believer, God has paid the price to save you from spiritual death. He demonstrated His commitment to you through His sacrificial death. God redeems His people, removing condemnation from their lives.

Calamity will surely destroy the wicked,
    and those who hate the righteous will be punished.
But the Lord will redeem those who serve him.
    No one who takes refuge in him will be condemned.

Psalm 34:21-22 NLT

If God was willing to die for you when you didn’t deserve it, He is beyond trustworthy. We owe Him our very lives. Given all that we gain from being His son or daughter, He expects relatively little from us.

Trust God Because He Has Room For You

God is not only faithful and sacrificial but also affectionate. He cares specifically about you. He doesn’t simply love you, He is in love with you. God doesn’t love from a distance; He loves up close. You are constantly in His awareness. People have limited awareness, but God can stay focused on as many things as He wants.

Yet Jerusalem says, “The Lord has deserted us;
    the Lord has forgotten us.”
“Never! Can a mother forget her nursing child?
    Can she feel no love for the child she has borne?
But even if that were possible,
    I would not forget you!
See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands.
    Always in my mind is a picture of Jerusalem’s walls in ruins.

Isaiah 49:14-16 NLT

What does all this mean? God has room for you in His heart. Trust God because you have your own place in His heart.

Learn more about trusting God:
– more reasons to trust
– trusting God in relationships
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Faith Is Assurance

Faith Is Assurance

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Reading time: 4 minutes

Faith is an indicator of spiritual life. The person with faith is certain about God’s promises. Assurance, therefore, is like the heartbeat, breathing, and blood flow. The Christian without assurance is like a body without a heartbeat.

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him

Hebrews 11:1,6 ESV

Is Absolute Assurance Possible?

Christians can have complete assurance, but our feelings and worldly experiences will interfere. We know there is no condemnation for those in Jesus (Romans 8:1). Therefore, absolute assurance is possible, but the subjective side of it–human emotions–can be volatile.

Assurance based on fact is different than assurance based on feeling or experience. One is objective, the other subjective. One stands for all time, the other is circumstantial but necessary and helpful. One is constant, and the other ebbs and flows some.

Assurance of salvation is based on fact, faith, and feeling to varying degrees:

  1. Fact: the words, and ideas of what has objectively happened as the Gospel is described in the Bible. The fact of salvation is either True or False (mathematically 1 or 0).
  2. Faith: the Spirit enabled spiritual sight. If the Fact of salvation is True, then the Faith of salvation must be some positive quantity (mathematically > 0). The person can have faith as small as a mustard seed (Matthew 17:20).
  3. Feeling: the human emotion based on subjective body chemistry. The Feelings of salvation can be negative or positive (mathematically any value).

For a person to be saved, they must know it as a Fact: “I am saved because Jesus lived a perfect life and died for me,” and have Faith as small as a mustard seed or greater: “I know I am saved.” Feelings are not required; however, they are expected to be more positive the greater the person’s Faith.

Faith is neither objective (physical) fact nor subjective (sensual) feeling. It is objective spiritual knowledge relative to God’s kingdom and subjective spiritual knowledge relative to a new creation’s spiritual senses. Faith sees God with certainty (Hebrews 11:1) but the world is spiritually blind.

Confidence is viewed as a subjective conviction. But in Hebrews 11:1, it is not that at all, but ‘the reality of the goods hoped for.’ From our perspective on earth we say that what is visible or tangible is solid, but in the estimate of the writer to the Hebrews, what is visible is what is shadowy, shaky, and subject to destruction. But what is invisible is sure, solid, and to be counted on.

Sure Enough by Dr. John Gilmore, Page 95

Therefore, all of the following are essentially the same:

  • confidence
  • reality
  • assurance
  • faith

Faith is confidence in the spiritual reality. It is hoped for as nothing less than a certain future. There is no “blind faith” because faith is spiritual sight.

How to Increase Assurance

If assurance is faith, then lack of assurance is doubt. Everyone struggles with doubt at some point. Doubt thrives because of weak faith, like gravity can overpower weak muscles. Low faith is under the oppressive weight of doubt–like darkness is the absence of light. The light shines but the darkness cannot overcome it.

Training can strengthen assurance. What causes low assurance?

  • guilt or condemnation
  • negative experiences
  • lack of support
  • lack of theological understanding
  • lack of seeing God clearly
  • lack of correct application

Doubt will thrive in people who shift their focus from Christ to self. Whether they believe they are too unworthy or too worthy, their focus is off-target. Doubt grows when we value our negative experiences more than we value our God experiences. Assurance grows the more we know God for who the Bible says He is.

Deviation from the truth is possible when we sin, take our eyes off Jesus, and put our trust in worldly philosophies or treasures. When we are in the flesh, we are once again expressing our distaste for God.

The only fatal doubt is complete unbelief that rejects God as real and loving (which is impossible for a believer). The best way to overcome doubt is to refocus on the Gospel message to stir up the power of faith which will eventually produce the fruit of good works.

Learn more about full assurance of hope.
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Seek Understanding Before Solution

Seek Understanding Before Solution

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Reading time: 4 minutes

If you understand what is happening, you have found an optimized path to an improved situation. In contrast, a lack of understanding only multiplies uncertainty. When aiming at a target, the greater the error in the sighting, the greater the chance of missing the bullseye.

This applies to almost any task, but it is just as valid to relationships. Communication must be accurate if the goal is increasing closeness. The more you can’t see what is going on in a person, the more hopeless and powerless you can feel. Then, if you cannot trust God, the odds increase that you will respond to your situation with frustration or even folly.

Understanding, wisdom, and insight are essentially the same thing. They all mean seeing reality as it is, without distortions or denial. Insight means “see inside.” When you can see behind the scenes, you will know intimately how the product is produced.

The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom, and whatever you get, get insight.

Proverbs 4:7 ESV

A fool doesn’t want more knowledge, doesn’t care about how life works, and rejects absolute truth, favoring his subjective reality instead. He is filled with denial and wishful thinking. Why would someone do this? Learning the truth requires the humility to accept correction. The humble person can say, “Yes, I got that wrong. I can see more clearly now.”

A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.

Proverbs 18:2 ESV

So, it makes sense that the person who can see the reasons for another’s behavior will generally be more patient with them. A fool doesn’t want understanding, so he is limited to exploding in anger.

Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.

Proverbs 14:29 ESV

The person with self-control can hold off on expressing anger. It’s possible because of his insight. He can see that uncontrolled anger is destructive and it does nothing to help another struggling person.

Ignorance Will Lead to Repeated Pain

A lack of discernment can lead a person to make regrettable decisions. Wise people can learn from their mistakes, but foolish people will only dig in deeper. In this sense, regret can be a sign of wisdom.

Like an archer who wounds everyone
    is one who hires a passing fool or drunkard.
Like a dog that returns to his vomit
    is a fool who repeats his folly.

Proverbs 26:10-11 ESV

The archer does not discriminate between friend and foe; he shoots without a clear target. The fool enjoys the chaos he creates; he has no room for remorse.

In relationships, don’t be the person who shoots off his mouth without considering the consequences of his words.

Understanding Provides Clear Options

Understanding maps out how to set boundaries and make decisions. Conflict can be simplified into options. Options can be negotiated to find an optimal solution. No one likes the frustration of feeling stuck; understanding can lead to a way forward.

Two people in conflict can consider which one has a greater need for healing. Consider asking, “What will it mean to you if we do it your way?” This might allow you to move past the ugly presentation of anger to the hurt behind it. You might get an answer like, “I’ve always had hand-me-downs. The last three cars I’ve had were used. They break down all the time. I want to get a new car. I am willing to keep it for over ten years.”

Of course, some people only want their way all the time. Their demands are often unreasonable, unrealistic, or unfair. In this situation, understanding can lead to confidently setting firm boundaries. Consider responding, “I understand you want to buy a new car now, but we don’t have the budget for that. We can save up for one though.”

Buying a new car won’t fix anyone’s brokenness, but it could be meaningful in the right context. Material goods will be used better after people are convinced of their worth in Christ. Conflict resolution will be most fruitful when emotional needs for self-worth are grounded in the truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Learn more about healing relationships.
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Field with many possible directions. Choose the spiritual path, not the sinful path.

Follow The Spirit Not The Flesh

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We Christians know that God wants us to follow His Holy Spirit, not our flesh. But what exactly is the flesh and how do we discern what is flesh and what is Spirit?

Don’t Follow Your Sinful Nature

Those who follow the nature they were born with, are following their flesh, or sinful nature. The sinful nature and God’s nature are opposed to each other. Those who are born again with God’s nature, gain the ability to follow the Spirit.

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

Galatians 5:16-18 ESV

The NLT version uses “sinful nature” instead of “flesh”:

So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions. But when you are directed by the Spirit, you are not under obligation to the law of Moses.

Galatians 5:16-18 NLT

Follow the Holy Spirit

The passage continues, emphasizing that true believers can consider themselves dead to their sinful nature. Being dead to sin doesn’t mean that we will never sin again. Rather, it means that we no longer live in condemnation.

And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.

Galatians 5:24-26 ESV

For comparison again, here is the NLT:

Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another.

Galatians 5:24-26 NLT

For those of us who have been born again as a new creation, we have spiritual life in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17). We can reckon our sinful nature as dead, crucified (Romans 6:11). Because we have Christ, we have eternal life. There is no life without Christ because Jesus is eternal life. It isn’t possible to have eternal life apart from Jesus. Eternal life is not some resource that is separable from Jesus. The person and the life are one and the same.

Having a relationship with Jesus Christ by definition includes having eternal life. In this sense, the relationship comes first. It’s not as if someone finds eternal life that then leads them to Christ. Jesus in the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6). People find and know Jesus and therefore they have eternal life.

Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have God’s Son does not have life. And we know that the Son of God has come, and he has given us understanding so that we can know the true God. And now we live in fellowship with the true God because we live in fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ. He is the only true God, and he is eternal life.

1 John 5:12, 20 NLT

Follow Spiritual Desires Not Fleshly Desires

If you are a believer, take a moment to sense your spiritual desires as separate from your fleshly desires. Depending on how you are doing spiritually and perhaps how long you’ve known God, this could be easy or difficult. If you sense confusion within you, this doesn’t mean you don’t have Christ, but it might indicate that you need more training (practice) in sensing the difference.

The Spirit desires what God desires. The Bible tells us to focus on the heavenly reality, not the world. We are to focus on what is pure and true, not what is destructive and false. The desires we have to harm others or ourselves by violating God’s holy law come from our sinful natures. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control (Galatians 5:19-23).

The more we can identify what is evil and what is good within us, the easier it will be to walk in the Spirit. Most people can understand the difference intellectually, but we who have Christ can sense the difference in our hearts.

Learn more about desire.
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Only God Is Trustworthy

Only God Is Trustworthy

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Intimacy is not possible without trust. But only God is trustworthy. How then can we build closeness in human relationships?

Sin is what makes us untrustworthy. When we are without sin someday, we will be completely trustworthy like God. Although we will never be nearly as powerful or capable as God, we won’t be capable of harm. But today we must develop resilience against our sin.

To trust in another human before or above trusting in God is idolatry. Idolatry, or any sin really, only weakens us. The person likely to slide into sin can not be of much help to those looking for support or security.

Even if we find a trustworthy person, we must realize that what we can trust is what we see in the character of God. At the end of this time on earth, this truth will become abundantly clear.

Human pride will be humbled,
    and human arrogance will be brought down.
Only the Lord will be exalted
    on that day of judgment.

Idols will completely disappear.

Don’t put your trust in mere humans.
    They are as frail as breath.
    What good are they?

Isaiah 2:17, 18, 22 NLT

For a Healthy Life Trust God First and Foremost

God is supposed to be our foundation. Even if what we “build” in life becomes uncertain, we can know that our foundation is solid. God is our immovable rock.

Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock.”

Matthew 7:24-25 NLT

But what happens when we build on something other than God? Relying on a job, on money, or another person is a recipe for a devasting loss. Don’t build your life on anything other than God, because you might lose it.

But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.

Matthew 7:26-27 NLT

God is our safety line. If all else fails, His grip will not. Yet, if we first grasp other things, we might go through the extra pain of losing them before we sense God’s protection. If God is our foundation, we might still lose other things, but it won’t be nearly as painful as losing everything, including our foundation.

For a Healthy Marriage Trust God First and Foremost

Beyond God, a spouse has the potential to be the second-most important relationship. When we rely on God first, we have more potential for intimacy. We can risk loving our spouse. We can know if our spouse does not return our love or worse, betrays our love, we have no less of God’s love.

We can also set appropriate limits with our partners. While it is good to get along with them and make efforts to please them, we don’t have to please them at all costs. We can tolerate their displeasure, which frees us from giving in to their manipulative behaviors. Some things are more important than keeping our partners happy all the time.

It’s not possible to go through this life without experiencing some loss. But it would be foolish to invest the majority of our effort into something that we can lose when we can build upon the rock, which we can’t lose.

When we trust, we don’t trust our spouse, we trust God. Everything in life is first and foremost related to God. David said his sin was against God alone (See Psalm 51). We can do what is right and yet we might still suffer. We can endure persecution and wrongdoing because God alone is trustworthy; His love is unfailing.

Learn more about trusting God.
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