Christian Concepts

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Matt Pavlik

Is God’s Love Uncontrolling?

Is God’s Love Uncontrolling?

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Reading time: 3 minutes

Recently, I read a blog post that thoughtfully explored the nature of God’s love, suggesting that divine love is “inherently uncontrolling.” The author, drawing from Thomas Oord’s theology, raised important questions about how we experience God’s power and whether control is compatible with love. While I appreciate the heart behind this reflection—especially the emphasis on God’s gentleness and compassion—I believe Scripture paints a fuller picture of a God whose love is not diminished by His sovereignty, but upheld by it.

God’s Sovereignty Is Not Domination

It’s true that God doesn’t override our humanity or force us into robotic obedience. But His control is not oppressive—it’s purposeful and redemptive. The Bible consistently reveals a God who actively governs all things according to His will. As Paul writes:

In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will.

Ephesians 1:11 ESV

God’s sovereignty is not passive. It’s the reason we can trust that history is moving toward His intended end. He doesn’t always act with immediate force, but nothing He wills ultimately fails.

Transformation, Not Coercion

Consider Saul’s dramatic conversion. One moment he was persecuting Christians; the next, he was proclaiming Christ. God didn’t violate Saul’s will—He revealed Himself so powerfully that Saul’s heart was changed. God gave him a new nature, one that desired Him. This is the essence of salvation: God initiates, transforms, and secures. Our response is awe and gratitude, not resistance.

If God’s will were contingent on human cooperation, salvation would be fragile. But Jesus assures us that those the Father gives Him will come to Him—and He will lose none (John 6, 10, 15). God’s love doesn’t compete with His control; it’s expressed through it.

Does 1 Corinthians 13 Deny Divine Control?

Oord’s interpretation of 1 Corinthians 13 suggests that love “does not force itself on others,” implying that God’s love must be non-controlling. But this reading stretches beyond the text. Paul’s description of love emphasizes humility and endurance—not a denial of divine authority.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful…

1 Corinthians 13:4–5 ESV

“Not insisting on its own way” speaks to selfishness, not sovereignty. God’s love is not self-serving, but that doesn’t mean He relinquishes control over creation, redemption, or judgment. In fact, His control is what ensures that love triumphs over evil.

Power That Secures Salvation

Paul declares:

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes…

Romans 1:16 ESV

God’s power is not a threat to love—it’s the very means by which salvation is accomplished. Without divine sovereignty, there would be no guarantee of redemption, no assurance of resurrection, no hope in suffering. But because God is both loving and in control, we can rest secure in Him.

📘 Secure in Christ

This theme is central to my upcoming book, Secure in Christ. In it, I explore how God’s sovereign love provides the foundation for lasting assurance. His attributes don’t compete—they harmonize. God would not be God if He were not in control. And because He is, we can trust that His love will never fail.

To suggest that divine love must be powerless to be pure is to misunderstand both power and purity. God’s love is not reckless or weak—it’s decisive, holy, and unfailing. Scripture does not invite us to imagine a God who merely hopes for our salvation, but to trust in a Savior who accomplishes it. Love isn’t the absence of power; it’s the redemptive use of it.

It’s like the hand of a skilled surgeon—precise, intentional, and filled with care. The scalpel may cut, but always toward healing. God’s sovereignty is not cold control; it is love that moves with clarity and purpose. Because He governs with goodness, we can rest not in probabilities but promises.

Learn more about the nature of God’s love.
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Important Not Urgent: How Jesus Prioritizes

Important Not Urgent: How Jesus Prioritizes

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Reading time: 4 minutes

In a world where every notification and obligation rings important like a five-alarm fire, stress and burnout come not only from doing too much, but from doing the wrong things. That’s why the Urgent-Important Grid—also known as the Eisenhower Matrix—can be a powerful tool for Christians seeking peace, clarity, and purpose.

This simple four-quadrant system helps sort tasks based on urgency and importance, clarifying what truly needs our attention and what doesn’t. But more than productivity, the grid serves as a guide for spiritual boundaries and stewardship of time, helping us walk more wisely in a world that pulls us in every direction.

Quadrant 1: Urgent and Important – Do It Now

These are the tasks that keep life running—crises, deadlines, and responsibilities we can’t avoid. Work obligations, caring for children, attending to health issues—they’re urgent because delay carries real consequences. And they’re important because they serve foundational roles in our lives.

But living in this quadrant long-term is exhausting. It’s survival mode. When every day feels like triage, it’s a signal that we need to spend more time in Quadrant 2, cultivating the things that prevent emergencies before they arise.

Quadrant 2: Not Urgent and Important – Schedule It

This is the “abundant life” Jesus speaks about—planning, prayer, relationship-building, learning, and investing in long-term goals. Tasks in Q2 rarely demand our attention with urgency, yet they form the deep roots of spiritual, emotional, and relational health.

For believers, this quadrant is where we meditate on Scripture, disciple others, reflect, and grow. It’s the place of calling rather than coping. Spending time here leads to greater peace and clarity, and keeps us from drifting into stress-inducing chaos.

So far, this all sounds like serious work, but what is important but not urgent is also found in all recreation. What reduces stress? What is fun? Playful? Restful? Think of the Sabbath Rest.

Quadrant 3: Urgent and Not Important – Discern: Do or Decline

This is where confusion often creeps in. Tasks in Q3 feel urgent, but they aren’t truly aligned with your purpose. They’re often someone else’s priorities masquerading as emergencies—interruptions, emails, favors, even good things that aren’t your things.

The key here isn’t impulsive delegation but wise discernment. We must ask hard questions: Is this truly mine to handle? Am I responding out of guilt, fear, or a need to please? Will this steal time from something more meaningful?

Sometimes, we may decide to do the task quickly and move on. But often, we’re called to decline respectfully or direct the request elsewhere. This isn’t selfish—it’s stewardship.

Jesus models this beautifully. He didn’t meet every demand or heal every person. He was available but not constantly accessible. He knew when to engage, when to withdraw, and when to say “not now.” God has an intentional plan. He always sticks to His plan. Sometimes this means some potentially good tasks go undone, but only because something more important gets done.

Quadrant 3 is often where boundaries break down and stress multiplies. It’s the testing ground for our spiritual resolve—will we walk wisely or reactively?

That’s why the words of Ephesians 5:15–16 are especially relevant here: “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” The apostle Paul calls us to intentional living—not just urgency-driven motion.

Quadrant 4: Not Urgent and Not Important – Eliminate or Limit

Scrolling, bingeing, endlessly clicking. This quadrant isn’t all bad, but it’s rarely fruitful. These are the habits that soothe but don’t satisfy.

For Christians, this is the realm of distraction. It’s not usually sinful rest, but it can become escapism without purpose. Q4 is a warning to reset—to choose solitude, rest, and presence over noise. What will really nourish your spirit? Find something healthier to do that fits in Q2.

Final Thoughts

Time management is not just tactical—it’s theological. Each quadrant reflects our values, boundaries, and convictions. The Urgent-Important Grid helps us live less reactively and more redemptively. In using it well, we step into a rhythm that reflects the life of Christ: focused, free, and deeply present.

Learn more about play and rest.
More details about the Eisenhower Matrix.
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Trust God When You Struggle To Understand Yourself

Trust God When You Struggle To Understand Yourself

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Reading time: 5 minutes

Life’s unpredictability makes it challenging to trust God. Have you ever made a decision, only to wonder later why you chose that path? Have you ever felt uncertain about your emotions or actions, as if they were beyond your control? The truth is, no one fully understands themselves—not in the way God does. That’s why we must trust God to guide us through life’s uncertainties.

God created you for His purpose, and He knows everything about you, even the parts you haven’t discovered yet. When you trust God, you step into His greater plan, even when you don’t fully understand yourself. While you may struggle to make sense of your thoughts and choices, God’s wisdom remains unshaken. That is why trusting Him is far greater than trusting your own understanding.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
    and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
    and he will make straight your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV

One reason we often feel uncertain is that human awareness operates on different levels. There are at least four levels of awareness:

  1. Active – What you consciously focus on in the moment.
  2. Accessible – Memories and knowledge you can retrieve easily.
  3. Subconscious – Thoughts and experiences that exist below the surface but can be triggered.
  4. Unknown – Aspects of yourself that only God knows, including the future.

When making choices, you are never completely aware of why you decide as you do. That’s why you must trust God—His wisdom surpasses human understanding. But God sees everything—the past, the present, and the future—so trusting Him brings peace.

Trust God with your Active Awareness

Active awareness includes the thoughts and emotions you are consciously focusing on in the immediate moment. This is where your attention is directed. Some people shift focus quickly, while others can remain fixed on a task or idea for a long time.

But active awareness is limited—it only includes what you are thinking right now. When making decisions, it may feel like you have all the information, but there are deeper influences at work.

Trust God with your Accessible Awareness

Accessible awareness consists of thoughts, experiences, and memories that you can retrieve easily, even if they are years or decades old. You may not always be thinking about them, but they are available when needed.

This layer shapes decisions in ways you may not always notice. Perhaps a childhood lesson surfaces when faced with a moral dilemma, or a long-forgotten memory influences how you respond to a situation. Still, accessible awareness is incomplete—you don’t always recall everything when you need to.

Trust God with your Subconscious Awareness

Subconscious awareness is even deeper. It holds thoughts and experiences that are not readily available unless something triggers them.

Triggers can come in many forms:

  • A familiar scent reminds you of a forgotten moment from childhood.
  • A song stirs emotions from a past relationship.
  • A significant life event causes deeper reflection on who you are.

Dreams often process subconscious material, sometimes bringing buried thoughts to the surface. Trauma also remains buried when it is too overwhelming to manage in the moment.

You may not always realize how much your subconscious affects your choices, but God does. Even when buried thoughts shape your actions, you can trust God to lead you in the right direction. He understands what is hidden, shaping His guidance in ways far beyond human awareness.

Trust God with your Unknown Awareness

The unknown represents the future. You may not know how you will grow, change, or develop, but God does.

Imagine a young child. She has no idea what her life will look like in thirty years. Fast forward to adulthood—now, she sees who she has become. Yet even then, her future remains a mystery.

This is why faith is essential. While human awareness is limited, God’s understanding is complete.

Life as a Melody—Trusting the Divine Composer

We are like music boxes, hearing the melody as it plays but never fully knowing why certain notes appear, or what comes next. Yet God, the Divine Composer, is creating something beautiful.

1. The Melody of Life

Each experience in life is like a musical note, carefully arranged by God:

  • Joyful Notes – Moments of love, victory, and peace.
  • Somber Notes – Seasons of grief, difficulty, and reflection.
  • Chaotic Sections – Times when life feels unpredictable, like dissonant music waiting to resolve.

While a single note may seem insignificant, God is composing something extraordinary. Trust that His arrangement is greater than you can perceive.

2. God as the Composer

God is not improvising—He knows every note in advance.

  • He crafts the theme – Just as composers have a vision for their symphony, God has a plan for your life.
  • He chooses the instrument – Just as each instrument has a unique sound, each person has unique talents designed for His purpose.
  • He knows when to pause – Silence in music builds anticipation. When life seems still, God is preparing something ahead.

Even when your life feels uncertain, trust God—He is orchestrating a masterpiece.

3. Unexpected Notes in Life’s Song

Some notes in life feel harsh or unexpected. But God is using them for something greater:

  • Dissonance resolves into beauty – Just as difficult chords lead to harmony, trials lead to growth.
  • The music shifts – Life can suddenly change, like moving from a minor key to a major one. God knows when and how to bring renewal.
  • Hidden layers emerge – Just as melodies are sometimes unnoticed until the song unfolds, God’s plan often reveals itself later.

Even when life feels unpredictable, trust God—He is composing a song of meaning, beauty, and purpose.

Trust the One Who Sees the Whole Picture

Since human awareness is limited, relying solely on personal understanding leads to confusion. But God sees beyond every level of awareness.

You don’t have to understand everything about yourself—you only need to trust God and rest in His wisdom.

Find hope when life is difficult.
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Only God Has Free Will

Only God Has Free Will

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Reading time: 4 minutes

Many people assume that human will is free, but in reality, it is deeply bound—either enslaved to sin or surrendered to righteousness. Only God’s free will is independent of any external influence. He is accountable to no one, dependent on nothing, and remains entirely sovereign over creation. Yet even His choices are shaped by His perfect nature. This is not a limitation. After all, He cannot improve because He is already flawless.

Humans Do Not Have Free Will

Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness?

Romans 6:16 NIV

In contrast to God’s free will, the human will operates within limits. Though people make decisions, their choices are always informed by their nature, which is either corrupted by sin or renewed through righteousness. People function exactly as God created them to function.

The Human Will Depends on God

Human beings contribute nothing to their creation. They do not sustain themselves—God continues to uphold their existence. Likewise, they do nothing to prepare themselves for new life in Christ, nor do they contribute to their spiritual rebirth. Even perseverance in faith is not a human effort but the work of the Holy Spirit. Yet while God initiates and sustains salvation, He does not act without us—He works in and through believers to produce spiritual fruit that accomplishes His plans.

If God’s sovereignty is compromised in even the smallest way, the entire theological framework collapses. Once human effort is inserted into the Gospel, it distorts the truth, reducing salvation to something earned rather than given. A sovereign God must remain fully in control, or else truth itself is weakened.

God’s Free Will Reveals His Ultimate Justice

When we focus on individual suffering, we might perceive injustice and randomness. Pain feels unnecessary, hardships seem unfair, and chaos appears dominant. However, when we zoom out and step back to view the grand picture, God’s justice becomes clearer.

By experience, it does not seem right that good people suffer while evil people prosper. The world appears unbalanced, rewarding corruption while punishing integrity. It isn’t easy to reconcile these realities with the idea of fairness.

Concerning grace, it does not seem right that God holds all people responsible for sin when they are powerless to overcome it on their own. If humanity is enslaved to sin, how can anyone be expected to live righteously without divine intervention? They cannot. Scripture teaches that salvation is purely a work of God, not something earned, but something freely given.

By glory, the tension between suffering and justice will finally be resolved. When God reveals His glory in eternity, everything will make sense. Believers’ brokenness will be fully redeemed, and true justice will be made known. The suffering of the righteous will not be wasted, and the prosperity of the wicked will be fleeting. In God’s presence, all things will be set right.

Living in Light of God’s Sovereign Free Will

This truth isn’t just theological—it affects how we approach daily decisions, big and small. If suffering appears unjust now, we trust that it serves a higher purpose in God’s plan. If human effort cannot produce salvation, we rest in the assurance that God alone secures it. If the world seems chaotic, we hold onto the certainty that justice will be fully revealed when God’s glory is known.

For example, rather than despairing when we witness evil flourishing, we remain steadfast in faith, knowing that no unrighteous act escapes God’s control. Rather than feeling helpless in our failures, we depend entirely on God’s committed love to calm our anxious hearts.

Human free will is impossible because only God’s will is free. Instead of autonomy, the pathway to peace is trust and dependence upon God. With this perspective, our lives are no longer defined by frustration or fear but by confident trust in the God who is fully sovereign, fully just, and fully faithful.

Imagine someone facing a major life decision—whether to take a job in another city or stay where they are. They weigh the pros and cons, feel anxious about the unknown, and struggle with the fear of making the wrong choice.

Instead of relying solely on logic or trying to control every outcome, they surrender the decision to God. They pray, asking Him to guide their steps. They seek wisdom in scripture, trust that He knows what is best, and wait for peace about the next step. Over time, they feel clarity, and even if the path is uncertain, they rest in the confidence that God is leading them where He wants them to be.

Surrendering acknowledges that human “free will” does not solve problems (because it is dependent on God). Even so, surrendering control doesn’t mean doing nothing—it means releasing the need to control what cannot be controlled and trusting God’s sovereignty instead.

Some of the ideas for this post came from Martin Luther’s work The Bondage of the Will.
Learn how to become free from shame.
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9 Experiences That Drain Hope

9 Experiences That Drain Hope

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Reading time: 4 minutes

Are you feeling drained of all hope? Whether it’s a dramatic upheaval or subtle, persistent struggles, the effects can be deeply discouraging. Some traumas are obvious because they are intense–these are called “Big T” traumas. Other traumas are subtle because they are weak but repetitive–these are called “Little T” traumas. Both kinds can produce lasting disabilities, even though they manifest differently.

#1 The Pain of Losing a Parent or Child

Losing a parent or child is one of life’s most challenging moments. When the loss is premature, whether through miscarriage or death of a young child, it can feel particularly tragic. The dreams, hopes, and plans once anchored around loved ones vanish, leaving an indescribable void. Such disorientation can lead to profound questions, like whether life is still worth living. It is heartbreaking to invest so much emotionally in others, only to find them suddenly and completely absent.

#2 The Scars of Betrayal

Betrayal cuts deep across personal and professional realms. Whether it’s a partner who breaks trust, a friend who abandons you, or a coworker who exploits vulnerabilities, the impact lingers. Betrayal creates emotional scars, shaking confidence and leaving individuals hesitant to trust others again. Repeated betrayals magnify trauma and can drain the hope of finding reliable connections.

The worst kind of betrayal results in shock from the sudden exposure of a completely different reality, such as finding out your spouse is cheating on you. However, betrayal can also happen on a micro scale, like when your spouse uses your vulnerabilities against you in an argument. Sometimes, betrayal stems not from active harm but from the absence of good, such as friends abandoning you without any explanation.

#3 Struggles with Financial Hardship

Navigating financial hardship can be exhausting. Searching tirelessly for employment amidst constant rejections or losing a job despite loyalty and hard work can erode self-esteem. Financial insecurity often causes stress and anxiety, affecting relationships and mental health. The seemingly endless cycle of hope and despair can feel suffocating, draining one’s ability to envision a brighter future.

#4 The Impact of Bullying and Isolation

Bullying and isolation leave individuals feeling misunderstood and undervalued. In school, children may face ridicule for their uniqueness–be it external like body image or clothing, or internal, like processing thoughts or emotions differently than others (now popularly referred to as neurodivergence). For example, a child with ADHD may process thoughts differently, which can make them a target for misunderstanding and exclusion.

In toxic workplaces, adults may encounter criticism or be ignored altogether. The persistent feeling of invisibility and lack of appreciation can drain hope, making it hard to believe that a better environment is possible.

#5 Challenges of Abusive or Neglectful Parents

Parents play a pivotal role in shaping a child’s outlook. Abusive or neglectful parents often blur healthy boundaries, leaving children to fend for themselves emotionally or physically. Abuse can involve excess control, while neglect stems from a failure to provide what is needed to thrive. Some parents are preoccupied with other activities or simply incompetent.

Parentification, where children take on parental roles, robs them of innocence and creates enduring struggles with self-worth and relationships. For example, a nine-year-old shouldn’t be cooking dinner for the family every night. Nor should she be responsible for managing her parents’ emotions.

#6 Struggles with Health Issues

Facing chronic illness or surviving near-death experiences can shatter one’s sense of stability and control. Health issues can make daily life feel like a battle, draining energy and hope for recovery. The psychological toll of adjusting to a “new normal” can feel like an uphill climb, with each step weighed down by doubt and exhaustion.

#7 The Pain of Divorce

Divorce signifies the breakdown of a once-promised lifelong bond. Feelings of rejection and failure intensify when the separation is complicated by sabotage or unfair claims. Divorce can leave emotional scars that affect trust, self-worth, and the hope of finding enduring love.

#8 Trauma from Violent Crime

The aftermath of violent crime, such as rape, assault, or vandalism, often includes emotional trauma that is hard to reconcile. Victims may feel a loss of safety and confidence. The violation of one’s dignity and security can lead to despair and fear that recovery is unattainable.

#9 Devastation from Natural Disasters

Natural disasters strike unexpectedly, disrupting homes and lives. Tornados, hurricanes, mold outbreaks, and infestations can leave families struggling to rebuild their sense of safety. The emotional strain of starting over after such devastation can make hope feel distant, especially when faced with recurring challenges.

Experiences that drain hope are often tied to trauma, but recognizing these moments is the first step toward healing. Feeling drained is likely a normal response given the intensity of your experiences. While trauma may cast shadows over joy and stability, understanding its roots allows for growth and recovery. God’s care and encouragement, even amidst life’s trials, can nurture the flame of hope, guiding individuals to reclaim their lives.

If you need help managing these draining experiences, Matt is available to provide support while illuminating the path to recovery. Here is another post about biblical hope.

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Adjust Perspective For Peace And Joy

Adjust Perspective For Peace And Joy

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I like the serenity prayer for many reasons. One is that it teaches us to adjust our expectations for this life — to align them with God’s perspective. Would you rather be only reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy for eternity, or extremely happy in this life and miserable for eternity? Those are the two options that Jesus offers.

Recognize a Temporal Perspective

Loving the world and all it offers more than loving God and all He offers is a sign of a short-sighted perspective. God created many things for our enjoyment, so it isn’t wrong to enjoy them. However, experiencing the connection to God through His Holy Spirit meets a need that nothing in the world can come close to. What satisfies you more? Have you found deeper enjoyment with God or do the things of the world satisfy you enough such that you are not hungry for God?

Looking at his disciples, he said: ‘Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh… But woe to you who are rich, for you have already received your comfort. Woe to you who are well fed now, for you will go hungry. Woe to you who laugh now, for you will mourn and weep.’

Luke 6:20-21, 24-25 NIV

If the world fully satisfies, beware because this means that there is no room to enjoy heaven.

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?

Matthew 16:24-26 NIV

Unhappiness with this life is a positive indicator for desiring all that exists beyond this life.

Pivot to an Eternal Perspective

The serenity prayer reminds us to adopt a posture of surrender to God’s sovereign plan. We should partner with God to bring the fulfillment of His plan — to change what He wants to be different. But when we cannot understand the suffering that God has ordained, God would have us accept what He does not want to be different.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardship as a pathway to peace; taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will; so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.

Reinhold Niebuhr

We don’t have to understand why we suffer to be at peace, but we do need to trust God to be at peace. The only way to accomplish this is by shifting from a temporary perspective to an eternal one. Suffering makes no sense if there is no end to it, but it has meaning and purpose when it achieves glory for us.

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

2 Corinthians 4:17-18 NIV

Don’t give up on God in the midst of suffering. Ask Him what He is teaching you by it. Ask Him to allow you to see the glory that it is achieving.

Learn more about finding peace and happiness.
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