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Complete Your Training To Resist Evil

Complete Your Training To Resist Evil

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Reading time: 5 minutes

In Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, Yoda challenges Luke Skywalker, “you must complete the training.” Yoda knew that Luke wasn’t ready yet to face his ultimate trial in a fight against Darth Vader.

How are you doing in your battle against the evil spiritual forces (Ephesians 6:12)? To reach a place of confidence in overcoming life problems, you must complete your training.

God’s school for persevering and winning against evil is called “life.” To complete the transformative journey, you must pass through four steps.

Step 1 Training: Overcome Resistance

Luke works for his Aunt and Uncle but isn’t happy as a farmer. He feels duty-bound to help them so he refuses to leave them. His hope to join the academy remains an unfulfilled dream. He is out of place. He isn’t pursuing his calling.

What is blocking you from attaining your dreams? In what ways are you resisting God’s call to adventure in your life? Step one’s purpose is to increase your level of frustration with your current life so much that you are willing to risk making a change. It is characterized by:

  • Pride that covers the pain of your life.
  • Believing lies such as “what others want for me is more important than what I want or what God wants for me.”
  • Resisting God’s call to spiritual growth.
  • Attempting to cope to remain self-sufficient.

Too much pride will destroy you.

Proverbs 16:18 CEV

By the time you finish step one, you are ready to seek the help of a counselor.

Step 2 Training: Commit To Recovery

Luke meets his mentor, Obi-Wan, and agrees to go with him to Alderaan. He learns he has other allies (Han, Chewbacca, Princess Leia) as well as enemies (Darth Vader and the empire). But he and his friends face a huge setback when Alderaan is destroyed.

What setbacks have brought further discouragement into your life, just when you decided to get help? Instead of turning back to your old ways, commit to your emotional recovery. Step two’s purpose is to solidify your reason why you want to pursue change. It is characterized by:

  • Being humbled enough to be willing to seek help.
  • Being willing to consider how the truth applies to your life.
  • Accepting God as good–that He has a plan worth following.
  • Acknowledging your problems and dysfunctional behaviors.

Too much pride can put you to shame.
It’s wiser to be humble.

Proverbs 11:2 CEV

By the time you finish step two, you have uncovered so much pain that you have no choice but to rely on God and other allies.

Step 3 Training: Learn To Trust

Luke fights his way out of the death star with Princess Leia but loses Obi-Wan. He struggles for his freedom only to experience greater suffering with the loss of his mentor.

I see Obi-Wan’s sacrifice and pronouncement that he will become even more powerful as similar to Christ being crucified and becoming more powerful as someone who has defeated death.

What painful memories continue to hold you back from pursuing your dreams? Instead of running from challenges, face them and be transformed by them. Find out what is most important to you. Step three’s purpose is to shift your focus onto how powerful God is and how positive your life is. It is characterized by:

  • Being vulnerable so you can receive the emotional healing you need.
  • Confronting the lies you believe with the truth so can freely move forward in life.
  • Accepting suffering as unavoidable at times and even beneficial.
  • Realizing that God is worthy of your trust.

The Lord’s people may suffer a lot,
but he will always bring them safely through.

Psalm 34:19 CEV

Even David went through years of training while defending his sheep from bears and other beasts (1 Samuel 17:34-37). By the time you finish step three, your training has prepared you to face the Goliath-sized problems.

Step 4 Training: Walk By Faith

Luke joins the rebels, trusts his mentor’s guidance, and destroys the death star. He is no longer self-sufficient. He is trusting in a power greater than himself. He becomes a hero that can inspire others.

What Goliath-sized problem is looming large over your life? How has God proven Himself faithful to you? Look for the opportunities to prove your training has accomplished its purpose. Step four’s purpose is to test your faith as you fulfill your God-planned destiny. It is characterized by:

  • Confidence in your ability to face problems with God’s help.
  • Embracing the truth to overcome doubts and other spiritual attacks.
  • Resisting evil by not giving it any room to thrive.
  • Faithful dependence on God for strength.

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear.

Psalm 46:1-2 NIV

By the time you finish step four, your journey is complete. You are ready to help others if they want help with their struggles. You can also identify new problems and start the journey again for yourself. Or, maybe you are like Luke and didn’t finish your training the first time around. That’s okay. With God, it’s never too late to start on a journey of transformation. Future posts will cover each of the four steps in greater detail.

Sometimes a mentor can be a person like a counselor. But a mentor can also be a process like the ones in any of my books. Try either of those if you feel unhappy with where you are in life and want some help to complete your training so you can overcome the big problem in your life.

Learn more about freedom as you experience positive change.
Image by Jeff Jacobs from Pixabay

Brokenness Is Beautiful

Brokenness Is Beautiful

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Reading time: 3 minutes

When you can see your brokenness, you see yourself as you really are. It’s a wonderful moment of freedom from pretense. Seeing brokenness is simply another way to perceive what you are lacking.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18 NIV

Since God is the ultimate source of all we lack, we should welcome becoming aware of our brokenness. Why is it often so terrifying then? Believe it or not, it’s possible to fear something good. We crave consistency. After we start depending on something or someone, we don’t want it to go away.

If we lack something good we can fear both:

  • that we’ll never receive what we need.
  • that what we receive will inevitably be taken away.

Both fears are realistic, yet, painful. Both are ultimately rooted in doubting God is who He says He is. God gives good things to those who believe and ask.

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

Hebrews 11:6; Matthew 7:11 NIV

Fear Makes Brokenness Ugly

So you can see how when fear is present, needs and desires can become completely overwhelming. If you’ve lived with deprivation for a long time, you know what I mean.

If your needs go unmet, you lose touch with what it’s like to have them met. Often this means living with an awareness that you don’t know what it is like to have them met. The longer this continues, the more difficult it is to trust it will ever be different. And, if it does happen, it will be doubly painful to lose it.

Anyone who experiences the trauma of abuse or neglect usually lives with a sense of deprivation. Abuse and neglect break trust which is essential if you want to risk the vulnerability required to have your needs met. Deprivation can be so painful that it is often more intense than the original trauma.

Coping Forever Prevents Healing

Depriving yourself for any length of time usually requires numbing your desires. If you can’t feel your hunger (emotional needs), it’s nearly impossible to over-eat (be self-centered). Unfortunately though, it is possible to under-eat (be deprived).

Cutting off your cravings for love and acceptance is a coping mechanism called dissociation. I believe dissociation to be a necessary coping to manage intense trauma. However, all coping is meant to be temporary until genuine healing and transformation are available and the person is ready.

How much a person relies on coping depends on at least two factors:

  • The intensity of the pain experienced from trauma.
  • The availability of a safe-enough relationship that promotes healing.

The intensity of the pain is mostly subjective. Some people can tolerate more pain than others. But the more the event is severe enough and prolonged enough, and if the person doesn’t have access to a caring person, the more extreme coping is needed.

One of the most intense efforts to cope with trauma is dissociation. When it becomes a mental health disorder it’s called dissociative-identity-disorder (DID).

For a person with DID, their self-awareness becomes divided into multiple parts in order to survive trauma. Therapy involves integrating the parts so that all parts receive needed healing. The end result is a person with a sense of being one integrated person (no longer needing “multiple parts”).

Another word for dissociated is broken. Everyone is broken. On this side of heaven, the opposite of being broken is being in denial. Meaning: if I can’t see my brokenness, I must be denying it.

Embrace your brokenness because it is what will drive you to God. He can help you become free from the trauma and deprivation you’ve been through.

Push Through Fear And Find Hope
Image by Gerhard G. from Pixabay

Introducing Marriage from Roots to Fruits

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Reading time: 3 minutes

When Failure is Not an Option!

Do any of these describe your experience with marriage?

  • Overwhelmed by perpetual unresolved conflict;
  • Drifting away from your partner;
  • Experiencing the pain of betrayal;
  • Confused by the complexity of marriage;
  • Afraid to walk down the aisle.

Marriage from Roots to Fruits brings much needed hope to couples who are at a point of despair and intense emotional pain. It is filled with practical tools and real life examples to encourage couples along the path of healing and living victoriously. You will learn details of God’s design for a healthy relationship while experiencing how deeply God knows, understands, and cares about the struggle that can come with marriage.

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Marriage: Mission Critical

Marriage is God joining together a man and a woman, loyal to each other for life, who each contribute distinct but equally important abilities towards the completion of a fruitful mission greater than can be accomplished apart.

Unfortunately, a marriage license does not mean we are ready or competent enough to marry. If we continue to think and feel like a single person, we will remain single on the inside even though, outwardly, we are married. How many people have plunged ahead into marriage without a clue? What would happen if no one was required to pass a test for a driver’s license before getting behind the wheel?

Whether you are single, engaged, single-again, or married, this book is for your personal growth. This book is especially for you, if you:

  • Are struggling with how to make your relationship work;
  • Like to understand how things work—how each part functions in relation to the whole;
  • Want to learn the details of God’s design for relationships;
  • Like to reflect in order to gain understanding;
  • Want a full-brain (left and right) learning experience;
  • Appreciate visual diagrams to gain understanding;
  • Want to apply the appropriate principles and ideas to bring about positive change;
  • Want to make the most of your time in counseling.

God created you with a blueprint which establishes not only your identity (His end-in-mind for you as a work of art) but also your growth journey (the step-by-step plans). However, your experiences with the darkness of this world, sin, and the enemy deface the blueprint and leave you disoriented. A marriage at its best provides an encouraging companion who helps you discover your true identity. But without God, marriage becomes a place of fear and self-doubt.

In Marriage from Roots to Fruits, you will learn:

  • How to experience spiritual growth and truly know God;
  • How to live in your true identity and ensure individual growth;
  • How to enjoy marriage growth and true love for your partner.

This book contains unique counseling insights with strong biblical applications. Pastors and counselors can use it to help couples prepare for marriage as well as heal existing marriages. It is also applicable for married couples who feel okay about the relationship they have, but want to have a stronger and deeper relationship with God and each other.

This book is designed with 52 short lessons which include:

  • Concept diagrams: learn the principles visually;
  • For Reflection ideas: think deeper about each lesson;
  • Experiential exercises: know the truths in your heart;
  • Next Steps actions: apply what you learn in your marriage.

Where Does Joy Come From?

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Reading time: 2 minutes

If you want to find something, where do you start looking?

If you’re hungry for strawberries, where do you get them? Strawberries don’t grow on apple trees. So there’s not much point in looking up a tree.

Where does joy come from? Joy is a fruit of the spirit.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Galatians 5:22-23 NIV

Joy is spiritual. Joy is other-worldly. Joy can be difficult to grasp. It’s not logical when viewed from the present moment. Joy becomes elusive when you look for it in the circumstances of your life.

But joy is logical when you look beyond the present moment. Real joy is rooted in a reality beyond what you see everyday. Joy comes from a truth greater than any fact of your present day life. That’s the only way you can suffer and be joyful at the same time.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.

James 1:2-3 NIV

Joy isn’t possible without faith. Faith sees beyond the physical to the spiritual reality.

Joy results from trials because the trials reveal the “too good to be true even though it is true” reality beyond the so-so reality of everyday life. Joy is always possible because it’s based on the absolute truth of God’s kingdom.

And he said to him, “Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise.”

Luke 23:43 ESV

No matter what is happening to you today, a paradise awaits you someday in the future. But don’t end your life prematurely to reach paradise.

While you’re still alive, God has a purpose for you. It’s okay to borrow joy from your heavenly future. In fact, that’s the only way to do it. God’s Spirit makes the heavenly reality known to you today.

Enjoy!

Photo by Stridsberg Carl form PxHere

Heavenly Healing From The Inside Out

Heavenly Healing From The Inside Out

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Reading time: 3 minutes

Healing from the inside out will last for an eternity. That’s a comforting thought, isn’t it?

Many movies or TV shows involved characters being locked up in a prison. When a prisoner misbehaves, they can be sent to solitary confinement. They might be left alone with no human contact for days, weeks, or in extreme cases a few months.

Solitary confinement is not only a physically deprived environment, but it’s also an emotionally and mentally deprived one too. God made us to need social interaction. But it’s unlikely you’ll receive love exactly the way you want it and exactly when you want it.

Healing Through Connection

Healthy relationships have significant amounts of closeness and separation. Both extremes end up being obstacles to emotional growth. Too much closeness is just as bad as too little closeness. If you lack boundaries, that sense of who you are, you are vulnerable to taking on other’s emotions as if they were your own. A healthy person develops a sense of identity so they can function independently of others.

However, too much separation is no good either. With thick walls, a person won’t feel hurt by someone else. Unfortunately, the walls can become like a prison that fosters loneliness among other negative consequences.

Imagine you are in a room all alone. There are no windows or doors. It’s completely dark. No one can get in to hurt you, but neither can anyone get in to help. This is actually a good analogy for learning how to receive help.

The people on the outside have little, if any, control over what happens on the inside. All they can see is the wall you’ve put up. No one can “fix” another person without their cooperation.

On the inside, it’s possible to make a door and even open it. Any openings you allow can only be locked from the inside. You can lock others out, but they can’t lock you in. You can unlock the door, but they can’t.

Healing When You’ve Lost The Key

What happens though if you lose the key to your door? That makes healing more complicated. Perhaps your “door” has been locked so long that you don’t remember how to connect with others. Then, fearing the unknown, you are reluctant to bother to look for the key.

People on the outside might sense your struggle, but there’s no way for them to unlock the door. You want out, but you don’t know how to unlock the door. You’re so confused you don’t remember how to open up. Or, perhaps, you don’t even want to open up because your fear and shame are too intense.

When you’re trapped inside–that’s mental illness. That’s hopelessness that leads to even more severe depression and anxiety.

How much do you identify with feeling trapped like this? How long have you suffered from loneliness? It’s so easy to be trapped in a double bind. It doesn’t feel safe to stay locked up, but neither does it feel safe to open up. You desperately need help but help feels too intrusive.

Even in this situation, there is hope. God only needs your permission, then He can get inside without a key or even a door. God can bring order to the chaos inside of you. God can bring clarity. God brings understanding. God can help you open a window.

Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.

Revelation 3:20 NIV

God waits with His healing touch for us to desire to let Him in. Healing can only happen from the inside out. But a window lets light through both ways.

You, LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.

Psalm 18:28 NIV

Ask Jesus to help you open the door of your heart so others’ lights can encourage you and your light can encourage them.

Read more about healing.
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Amazing Desire To Gain Understanding

Amazing Desire To Gain Understanding

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Reading time: 4 minutes

How well do you feel truly understood? On a quest to be understood, you’ll probably first need to pursue understanding yourself. You might find yourself asking a series of progressive questions:

  • How well do I feel understood?
  • What has happened to me in the last several months?
  • Have I talked with anyone about what is going on with me?
  • How well do I know what is going with me? How well can I explain it to someone else?
  • Could others not understand because they do not consider understanding me a priority for them?
  • Does anyone care about me?

You might not be on others’ radar, but you should be on your radar. Others might be consumed with their own thoughts or pursuits. If you want to be understood, seek to understand yourself and learn how to communicate your insight to others.

Getting Understanding Is Half The Battle

Having a clear understanding means you have an accurate assessment of any given situation. Then, with God’s motivation to do what is best, you should be able to choose a positive step forward.

Get wisdom, get understanding;
    do not forget my words or turn away from them.
Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you;
    love her, and she will watch over you.
The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom.
    Though it cost all you have, get understanding.
Cherish her, and she will exalt you;
    embrace her, and she will honor you.
She will give you a garland to grace your head
    and present you with a glorious crown.”

Proverbs 4:5-9 NIV

Of course, when God is involved, the best way forward is a step of faith as you trust Him. One of the best wise sayings is to not lean on your own understanding. That’s because only God has complete understanding. When you are able to follow God along your confusing (crooked?) path, then you have wisdom and understanding.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV

God doesn’t expect us to understand the course of our life apart from Him.

A person’s steps are directed by the LORD. How then can anyone understand their own way?

Proverbs 20:24 NIV

Getting wisdom doesn’t mean you automatically understand everything, but it does mean you’ll be able to lean into God.

Understanding Yourself Is A Prerequisite

You might not be able to figure out your way, at least not with absolute certainty, but you can better know yourself. Before you can attempt to understand someone else, you need to understand yourself (so you can relate). Before someone else can understand you, you need to understand yourself (so you can share yourself with others).

What happens if you don’t know yourself very well? Others can observe your behaviors and offer their best guess about what is going on with you. God can teach you about yourself through others, but you always have the ability to choose your opinion over other’s opinion.

Sometimes adversity can force you to find yourself. That’s where the saying, “Let’s see what you’re made of” comes from. As you rise to meet challenges, your identity becomes clearer.

Counseling Helps You Gain Understanding

When I am counseling others, one of my main goals is to help my clients become more in touch with who they are. While there are various techniques to achieve this, the simplest might be curiosity. When I am curious about my clients, it helps them to find their voice, opinions, and preferences. Often, if a person doesn’t sense anyone will understand, they don’t bother trying to understand themselves. This means a lot of potential remains untapped.

When God created each one of us, He created a seed of our identity. At conception, we are like a seed. The seed defines our identity, but it needs time to grow into the intended target. Never looking into who you are is like not planting the seed or like receiving a gift but never opening it.

To better understand yourself, experiment by trying a new activity or an old one in a new way. Consider what you learn from it. Then pick something else new and repeat.

If you become lost during your life journey, try explaining yourself to someone else who doesn’t know you very well. Hopefully you’ll figure out that you had the answer within you all along, you just needed some help getting to it. Give yourself this opportunity to discover more of who God made you to be.

Read more about knowing yourself.
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