Christian Concepts

Bringing your Potential to Light

Identity

Why A Cult Becomes Attractive

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Allison Mack, a former Smallville actress, has been in the news recently for her alleged participation in a sex cult. She led other women to participate in physical mutilation, starvation, and sex acts.

How could someone end up convinced this is okay?

What is a Cult?

A cult is different from a religious movement such as a Christian church in one very important way. A cult has an underlying, intentional mission to exploit its membership for its own selfish gain. The leadership might be the only ones who benefit and the only ones aware of the full extent of the cult’s destructive agenda.

A healthy church, while never perfect, has an explicit mission to help, nurture, and strengthen its membership. God wants us to be committed to Him and His church but He never coerces us against our will.

A cult usually has three defining characteristics:

  • Members are required to maintain an unquestioning commitment to the cult and its leadership.
  • Members tolerate exploitative manipulation (whether they see it as such or not).
  • Members harm other members and anyone outside the cult they can influence.

See International Cultic Studies Association or More About Cults for more details.

What Kind of Person is Attracted to a Cult?

To be attracted to a cult, a person must have a deep unmet need. Since this describes most if not all people, the person must also lack an absolute worldview and suffer from low self-worth. By absolute worldview, I mean a solid understanding of what life is all about, based on fact, not fiction.

Other factors leading to vulnerability to joining a cult include:

  • Having a strong need to belong
  • A desire for meaning and to make a difference
  • Lacking boundaries – an inability to define oneself
  • Lacking confidence – an inability to discern and confront questionable behavior
  • Lacking independence – an inability to think for oneself and make one’s own decisions
  • Acting with blind trust – a willingness to give up one’s identity and follow another’s
  • Dissatisfaction with how life is going

Notice that many of the factors are good and normal. An empty person looking for an answer will be drawn to a cult because a cult has answers. A naive, desperate, and/or gullible person will not catch that the answers are evil; instead, they will see only superficial good intentions. Having an answer to the meaning of life is a core need. Without meaning, you’re extremely vulnerable to signing up for the first movement that comes your way.

The Perfect Protection Against a Cult

If you won’t stand for something good, you might end up following something evil. Invest your best effort to develop a confident identity which includes an absolute worldview. Knowing your worldview and identity keeps you safe. A worldview can’t be what you hope is true; it must contain some elements of what is actually true.

Life is demanding. To meet the demand, you must come to a greater knowledge of who you are. In particular, you must understand who God made you to be.

Don’t fall into the same trap as Allison Mack. Popularity and fame are poor substitutes for meaning and identity. You can’t have meaning without knowing your identity. Learn how to develop a Confident Identity.

Why Gender is Binary

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Gender is binary because it’s part of your identity. Before you were born, you were a thought in God’s mind. God designed you to be either male or female.

Dictionary.com defines identity as:

The state or fact of remaining the same … under varying aspects or conditions … the sense of self, providing sameness and continuity in personality over time and sometimes disturbed in mental illnesses, as schizophrenia.

Identity can’t change. Any aspect of your identity must be permanently yours, or else it really isn’t part of you. You can lose a job, your health, or even a loved one. But no one can steal the identity God gave to you.

Changing Your Appearance Doesn’t Change Your Identity

Trying on different clothes can be fun. The purpose is finding the clothing that best fits with who are you. Moods, styles, and expressions are meant to change frequently. Clothing goes out of style all the time.

Your identity will never go out of style. Click To Tweet

Changing your hair color changes your appearance. Putting on different styles and colors of clothes accents your identity. This gives life a sense of adventure. You can paint your home a different color every day if you like.

Changing Your Thoughts Doesn’t Change Your Identity

You might be able to arbitrarily change who you think you are. You’ll never be able to change who you actually are.

Say I am a hamburger. Say it again every day when you wake up. Say it every time you feel any doubt about who you are. If you don’t know who you’re supposed to be, eventually, you might convince yourself that you’re a hamburger.

Your mind is a powerful gift. You can use it to disconnect from reality. You’ll never be able to change reality.

Be careful what you wish for. You might journey down a path leading to no place good. Life is tough. Don’t make it more difficult and confusing than it already is.

You can stop saying you’re a hamburger. Try I am made in God’s image.

God Gives You Your Identity

You have an identity that remains the same under varying circumstances. God expects us to discover what that is, not send in the bulldozers and try to out-create Him. The secret to maximum life enjoyment is aligning who you think you are with who God says you are.

You have freedom of choice but God is in control.

The heart of man plans his way,
    but the Lord establishes his steps.

—Proverbs 16:9

You can’t be whoever you want to be. You can pretend to be whoever you want to be. You can decide what you want to do with what God has given you. You can be more of exactly who God made you to be.

God Made You Male or Female as Part of Your Identity

God is a fixed point. You’re either moving away from Him or toward Him.

God defines reality. Gender is a fixed, specialized role. God assigned you a specific role to play.

God calls men and women to different roles. Otherwise, why would He have bothered to create such distinct genders?

You’re either male or female but you can express both masculine and feminine traits. There is actually significant flexibility within your role.

Most things can be done by both genders. But God made men and women to compliment each other, not compete with each other. God designed some activities especially for one gender.

If you attempt to blur your gender identity, you’ll move further away from God and who He designed you to be.

Gender Demonstrates Who God Is

God created gender to help us understand who He is. God is masculine as compared to the rest of creation. Marriage between a man and a woman, each with distinct roles, creates a picture of who God is. Marriage is a sacrament — a living picture husband and wife experience as they relate to each other. Marriage services as a constant reminder of who God is and who we are as Christ’s bride.

But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.

—1 Corinthians 11:3

The gender roles provide a clear structure of authority. God doesn’t intend for us to tinker with His design. Doing so creates a false image of who He claims to be.

Gender is binary because, as a part of creation, it communicates who God is.

Sexual Abuse Devastates Identity

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I wrote an article for Darlene Harris, creator of And He Restoreth My Soul Project. Her goal is to provide healing resources for those caught in the crossfire of abuse.

If you suffer from the effects of abuse or know someone who does, this article explains the emotional and spiritual struggles of abuse and offers steps for recovery. Read Part I: Sexual Abuse Recovery From a Christian Perspective. Part II will be posted on May 14.

The Christian’s Advantage to Lasting Fulfillment

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The secret to fulfillment is hunger. The stronger your desire, the greater your fulfillment. You can strengthen your desires by first being aware of them and then correctly prioritizing them.

You can starve for lack of a healthy desire. When you ache for the right stuff, you’ll be satisfied.

Do you realize you have more than one way to experience fulfillment?

When most people think of their desires, they focus on their immediate physical needs. But God also created you with emotional and spiritual desires, which provide a deeper level of satisfaction. Think of these desires as three stomachs, each with its distinct appetite or craving:

  1. Worldly Desires (food, sex, entertainment, etc.)
  2. Identity Desires (purpose, love, etc.)
  3. Kingdom Desires (glorifying God by living for Christ)

To experience contentment and satisfaction, you must learn how to manage your desires. You can’t rely on one stomach to the exclusion of the others. You’d starve. The secret to fulfillment is attending to all three desires with the right priority and balance.

After your worldly fulfillment reaches its capacity, move on to experiencing and fulfilling your identity desires. As your identity fulfillment reaches its capacity, move on to your kingdom desires.

Worldly Desires

Worldly desires are temporary physical wants or needs. They won’t be around in heaven, or they’ll function differently. Physical desires are like sugar. Sugar is highly desirable but fails to provide lasting nutrition.

Being satisfied, content, and fulfilled aren’t only possible, they’re also God’s will for you. However, gaining your heart’s desire doesn’t mean you can have every possession or pleasure you’ve ever wanted. Having every superficial want met in the way you want it isn’t possible. If you eat too much of the same food, your taste for the food will eventually become saturated.

Instant pleasure is different than lasting joy. Most things are wants, not needs. If you ache too long for the wrong things you might end up getting what you want.

Don’t make the things of life more important than God intended. If you don’t exercise self-control, you could end up getting what you want without fulfilling God’s purpose for your life. Some desires really are distractions and not worth the effort.

Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

—Matthew 10:39

Identity Desires

Identity desires are like organic, whole foods. They fully nourish and fill you in ways that sugar can’t.

Meeting these desires should take priority over your worldly desires. When you focus on identity desires, you reach for the best things in life — the things that no one can steal.

Five longings God meets when you’re His child:

  1. Unconditional Love and Acceptance: God knows who you really are. He always sees you at your best, even when you’re at your worst. God is love.
  1. Persistant Hope: God has a plan to make life better. At some point in the future, life is guaranteed to be perfect and last forever.
  1. Imminent Purpose: God created you to play a critical role in accomplishing His plans. God wants your active participation. God has a specific purpose for your existence. In this respect, you’re indispensable. You aren’t optional or replaceable. You’re significant and important.
  1. Faithful Security: God is always with you. He will never abandon you. He will never leave you nor forsake you.
  1. Meaningful Connection: God participates in an interactive relationship with you. God wants a dialogue with you. God is your father.

God is responsible for meeting these needs. No other person is completely capable like God is. Cloud and Townsend say that relationships are God’s delivery system for all emotional needs. However, you can’t expect or insist any one particular person meets your needs.

You won’t be able to enjoy life unless your identity desires are being met. If you’re unsatisfied with work and life, this probably means a basic emotional need is unmet. When these needs go unmet, your hunger should drive you back to God.

Kingdom Desires

Kingdom Desires are fulfilled by spiritual food. While all healthy desires are from God, kingdom desires are an exceptional hunger for seeing God’s work completed.

Meanwhile his disciples urged him, “Rabbi, eat something.”
But he said to them, “I have food to eat that you know nothing about.”
Then his disciples said to each other, “Could someone have brought him food?”
“My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work.”

—John 4:31–34

You have an advantage as a Christian. You have a stomach (an appetite) for spiritual fulfillment. Humans won’t ever be completely satisfied until they experience a spiritual hunger only God can fill.

Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.

—Matthew 5:3, 6

If your identity desires are met, you should be able to pursue your kingdom desires. But this doesn’t mean you’ll naturally pursue kingdom desires unless you intentionally put them first. To appreciate spiritual fulfillment sometimes you must fast from worldly desires and look beyond identity desires.

God desires that you pursue Christlikeness and fulfill the great commission. When Paul explains contentment to Timothy, he mentions several examples of Christlike behavior: righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, and gentleness.

But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness.

—1 Timothy 6:6–11

Godliness is acting mature like God. Contentment means you’re satisfied with what you have while pursuing God’s kingdom. Don’t give up the eternal in order to hold onto the temporary.

How fulfilled are you as a Christian? Do you see your advantage? Isn’t God amazing how He created you to have multiple appetites? What can you do right now to ensure you have a balanced desire diet?

4 Steps

4 Steps to Achieving a Confident Identity

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Your ideal self is exactly who God means for you to be. You can’t know your ideal self instantaneously. Your identity is God’s greatest gift to you only if you open it up and discover who you are. This takes time.

 I love the following quote, which I first discovered through Darlene Harris while planning an article for her site, andherestorethmysoulproject.org.
Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire. – St. Catherine of Siena

This means you have a significant destiny to fulfill by being your ideal self. If you knew who God meant for you to be you wouldn’t want to be anyone else.

To become your ideal self you must journey through four stages. Each stage has a primary focus: caregiver, creation, crisis, and finally Christ. Before you can reach your full potential in a stage, you must complete the challenge of the previous stage. You can work on more than one stage at a time, but incomplete work limits your progress.

1. Caregiver Focused

You start life dependent on your primary caregivers. You don’t have anything to contribute to others. Your only real job is to learn how to receive from others. Can you receive from others without becoming unnecessarily dependent on them? You can receive and grow at the same time. You receive so you can grow.

2. Creation Focused

You develop competency and skill by interacting with the external world. At first you learn to crawl, walk, and run. You learn who you are based on who you connect with the world beyond your body. If you do this well, you contribute to others through the work of your hands. If you don’t, you can become dependent on creation, instead of your creator, to sustain a positive outlook on life.

3. Crisis Focused

At some point in your life, you face a crisis. A crisis tests your internalized growth, or identity. It forces you to clarify your worldview and specifically your Godview. Will you choose to:

  1. Avoid God and return to creation to meet your needs
  2. Attempt to move Against God and redefine creation to meet your needs
  3. Ally with God and learn how to let God meet your needs

If you reject God in some way (option 1 or 2), you’ll likely choose some other ally to depend on (creation or caregivers) as if they were God. You’re vulnerable to developing an addiction because you remain crisis focused instead of Christ-focused. You struggle to accept a good God in a world where you’ve experienced evil.

4. Christ Focused

You can become a Christian at any of the four steps along the way to identity maturity. However, if you’re not a Christian by the time you reach stage three, the process of resolving your crisis by allying with God and becoming a Christian allows you to enter stage four.

You’re sold out on becoming exactly who God made you to be. You desire to align yourself with God’s reality, not a reality you make up. You’re determined to remove any false ideas concerning who you are.

Can you feel the burning in your heart to become all that God made you to be? Are you stuck at any stage in particular? God has all His resources ready to help you become who He made you to be. Then you can set the world on fire. Learn more at ConfidentIdentity.com.

Why You Can’t Be Anything You Want To Be

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You can’t be anything you want to be, but you can be more of who God made you to be. God has already done the hard work of creating you exactly as He wants you to be. You need to discover who you are, not create who you want to be.

God Made You Limited

To be human and have a personality is to be limited. If you’re trying to be someone you’re not, you can stop now. You don’t have to make up who you are. Unhealthy comparison means believing you’re not good enough and you should be like someone else. Healthy comparison allows you to see how you’re different and value the differences. Uniqueness creates value.

Being limited simply means you have definition. If you weren’t limited, you’d be God. You’d have ever ability God has. But even God is limited. He can’t be evil. Limited doesn’t have to mean incapable or impotent; it can mean intentional focus.

You Have a Purpose Just Like Jesus

Jesus’s primary identity and purpose is to reveal who God is. Jesus is human; He has a personality. Jesus is also God and when we see Jesus, we see all that God is, too. Jesus prioritized the time He had on earth. For example, because Jesus is also God, He could express perfect athletic ability. He could have come to earth to be a pro athlete, but He didn’t because that’s not His purpose.

Your purpose flows out of your identity. Jesus limited His ministry to what God purposed for Him. He didn’t try to be everything to everybody; He stayed focused on His purpose.

So Jesus said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of his own accord, but only what he sees the Father doing. For whatever the Father does, that the Son does likewise. -John 5:19

Jesus answered, “For this I have been born, and for this I have come into the world, to testify to the truth. Everyone who is of the truth hears My voice.” -John 18:37

And the scroll of the prophet Isaiah was given to him. He unrolled the scroll and found the place where it was written,

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
    because he has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives
    and recovering of sight to the blind,
    to set at liberty those who are oppressed,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.” -Luke 4:17-19

Knowing Your Limits Helps You Know God’s Will

Use your limits to lead you to your unique gifts. What you can’t do highlights all the more what you can do. You can’t be anything you want to be, but you can be more of exactly who God made you to be. Jesus has His purpose and you have yours. Focusing on who God made you to be maximizes your purpose. You’ll fulfill God’s will.