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Be Imperfect But Live Strong Anyway

Be Imperfect But Live Strong Anyway

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Reading time: 3 minutes

You can be less than perfect but still unmistakably valuable. You might hear “Nobody is perfect” after someone makes a mistake. But that phrase might also mean no one can be everything to everybody. You can be flawed and perfect at the same time.

To be imperfect and a Christian simply means that you aren’t living up to your ideal self. You need to mature into who God made you to be. The only way to be perfect is to trust God will fulfill His promise to completely sanctify you. God has the power to fully disinfect you from all sin.

You Are Imperfect

How positive are you about yourself? Can you look at yourself, see your brokenness, or even your sinful behaviors, and still know you are completely loved by God? Can you be limited in your abilities, flawed, and valuable? As you find the answers to these questions you will be able to live with strength and confidence.

Our hearts long for the end of all that is wrong, but in this life only God is perfect. We must live with less than ideal circumstances whether we like it or not.

One way to cope with imperfection is by employing all-or-nothing thinking. It’s useful when you can’t stand to look at your flaws. Like all coping, it stops the pain but a lack of felt discomfort doesn’t mean you are thriving.

If any imperfection means you are worthless, then you must believe you can’t make mistakes if you want to be valuable. The only way to achieve this is through denial of reality. Therefore, all-or-nothing thinking increases the likelihood of impulsive decisions and obsessive behaviors. Fear motivates the all-or-nothing thinker to attempt the impossible. Because it is impossible, more fear is generated. This never-ending cycle is like an addiction.

You Are Perfect

If someone or something isn’t perfect, what good is it? Does God only love you because He’s got no one better to love? No! God made you in His image, so you already have the highest value possible.

There’s no need to strive for perfection because you already have it. The only real flaw you have is the sin living within you. But Jesus has already crucified your sin.

So you also should consider yourselves to be dead to the power of sin and alive to God through Christ Jesus.

Romans 6:11 NLT

To be all-in for God is healthy, but all-or-nothing thinking is unhealthy. God has no flaws, so there is no harm in fully trusting Him. Yet, it’s normal to struggle to trust Him when you are suffering.

Since you aren’t perfect (yet) you will only harm yourself if you can’t accept yourself with your flaws. It’s okay if you aren’t your ideal self yet. God’s design of you is perfect. He has set you free from your flaws and He isn’t finished with you yet.

Healthy thinking results in self-control, peace, and compassion. You can slow down and realize that you have everything you need in the present moment.

By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence.

2 Peter 1:3 NLT

Responding in fear (worrying) doesn’t help. Worrying is like driving your car in neutral or rocking in a chair. Both expend energy, but neither get you anywhere real.

Extreme behavior is often wasteful. The best approach stops at good enough. Instead of wasting your energy, why not channel it into activities that benefit others or you?

Has your life become extreme and therefore imbalanced in any way? The opposite of worry is trust. If you want to be imperfect live strong anyway, consider God’s words to Israel:

The holy Lord God of Israel
    had told all of you,
“I will keep you safe
if you turn back to me
    and calm down.
I will make you strong
    if you quietly trust me.”

Isaiah 30:15 CEV

What steps can you take to regain balance (give up worrying and self-reliance) and therefore increase your peace and efficiency?

Image by 272447 from Pixabay

Choose Between Being Stubborn Or Tenacious

Choose Between Being Stubborn Or Tenacious

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Reading time: 4 minutes

To be stubborn is to cling to the status quo, especially when it’s not optimal. Stubbornness is the approach of people who do not like change. If there is a good side to being stubborn, that’s called being tenacious. Tenacity is perfect when what is already in place is the best. Tenacity is also perfect for an unwavering pursuit of the truth.

Stubbornness has a negative connotation of holding onto something that isn’t worth it. Tenacity has a positive connotation of holding onto something worthwhile–the truth. The truth can be in hand or out of reach. Either way, the tenacious person lets nothing stand in the way of the truth.

What happens when a life event challenges your belief system? That’s an identity crisis. It can be extremely disorienting. The most positive outcome of an identity crisis is the establishment of a firmer grasp of the truth. Of course, then, a negative outcome would be to lose the truth–to spiral further away from it into chaos. Such a person is truly lost.

A lack of identity feels like sinking without reaching a firm bottom. You feel squishy, inadequate, and ashamed. A crisis can help strengthen your identity. In this sense, what doesn’t disorient you only makes you stronger.

To be truly stubborn is to cling to your biases even when they are irrational (and false). In this sense, stubbornness chooses self over God. It’s also a cry to be recognized for who you are.

Choose Stubbornness For Stability

Change can be stressful. Sometimes the status quo is a valid choice. Life can be intimidating sometimes. It’s okay to stop and catch your breath. But a quick fix won’t last long. A consistent pattern of avoidance isn’t healthy. Because the need for stability is so strong, it’s possible to settle for a false sense of security.

Stubborn people pursue self-protection even when it costs them their integrity. They might lie and people-please to minimize their contact with reality. Stubborn people are foolish (prideful). They are like the people who build their houses on the sand instead of the rock. Their houses might go up quickly, but they won’t last nearly as long as the houses built upon the rock.

“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.”

Matthew 7:24-27 ESV

Stubborn people are short-sighted. They cling to what is immediately good at the cost of what is ultimately good. The need to feel gratified creates a strong temptation to remain biased. People are irrational. They can believe that right is wrong and wrong is right when doing so validates their current behavior.

Experiencing inner stability is essential. You should seek to achieve it first. But then, if you want life to be meaningful, the next step is to seek the truth. Stability is not an end in itself; it is only a place of rest on the way to the truth.

Choose Tenacity For Truth

As disruptive as the truth might be, it’s the only way to construct a firm foundation. In order to seek God and His truth, you must be willing to give up the false security of your biases. To be tenacious, you must humble yourself. The good news is that God accepts the humble person, giving them grace (James 4:6).

Tenacity has positive, forward momentum. A tenacious person pursues a higher goal without ever giving up. Sometimes the truth stings. But the tenacious person welcomes the truth even when it produces a temporary wound.

Tenacious people are willing to look at whatever inaccuracies, faults, or flat-out lies are preventing them from moving forward. They care more about the higher cause than how comfortable they are. Therefore, they are willing to give up their self-protective pretenses.

How about you? Are you willing to sacrifice your comfort in order to build something lasting?

If so, it’s okay to start small. The direction you travel is more important than your current position. Take the risk to be tenacious and you will never be lost.

Learn more about traveling by faith.
Image by Azmi Talib from Pixabay
Last edited 2023/08/06

Hope Has 3 Essential Ingredients

Hope Has 3 Essential Ingredients

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Reading time: 4 minutes

Could hope be one of the most underrated virtues? Hope makes the list of God’s top three virtues along with love and faith (1 Corinthians 13:13).

The greatest virtue is love. But where would love be without faith or hope? Love would have nothing to deliver; it would be an empty promise–much like worldly love. Fortunately, love always hopes.

A believer can hope for something, but God-given faith makes it a reality in the heart. If you hope for a hamburger, faith makes it so real you can taste it before you ever take a bite.

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

Hebrews 11:1 ESV

Hope is an energizing longing for something good. Faith strengthens you with confidence that it is yours. Love makes faith and hope possible because of God’s goodness.

Hope focuses on God’s amazing promises–specifically the ones that we can’t see come to fruition immediately. As Christians, we hope in God’s promise of eternal life. By faith, we possess eternal life and yet we continue to experience death and suffering for a time.

God is the source of everything good, but what else must be present to live with more hope? For you to thrive, hope’s recipe needs at least these three ingredients:

  1. An Attitude of Freedom
  2. An Attitude of Surrender
  3. An Attitude of Trust

Hope Requires An Attitude of Freedom

A slave with no chance of being free one day can’t begin to hope. Thankfully, you are no longer a slave. Christ has set you free.

So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law.

Galatians 5:1 NLT

Freedom brings peace to hope. To fear is to live in the reality of a hopeless slave. You can’t be peaceful and fearful at the same time. As you recognize you are free, you should experience more peace. You are not a slave, so you can stop thinking like one.

In what ways are you still acting like a slave? Your cage door is open. Are you living as though you are trapped inside? Fear prevents many from leaving a cage with a wide-open door.

Hope Requires An Attitude of Surrender

Surrender acknowledges that God is the ultimate source of good. To have freedom without surrender is to live with the delusion that you are self-sufficient. Hoping in yourself alone doesn’t produce assurance–it’s wishful thinking at best and a fatal gamble at worst.

You might think that freedom and surrender are mutually exclusive, when in fact they support each other perfectly. Surrendering to God and His reality produces true freedom.

If you are not surrendering to God, then you are living in an alternate reality of idolatry. You might feel free initially, but eventually, you will realize you are living in a cage as a slave. An astronaut that leaves a spaceship (without a source of oxygen) for open space is free in one way. The astronaut will survive for a brief time, but this reckless choice leads to death not life.

In this case, the one who surrenders to the confines of the spaceship lives to roam the universe or return to Earth. You can be a slave to righteousness and remain free.

Hope Requires An Attitude of Trust

To be able to surrender to God, you must first trust Him. Trusting God allows you to surrender to Him; surrendering to God produces true freedom. With true freedom, you will experience a powerful, unwavering hope that nourishes your soul.

To hope you must trust God will keep His promises to you.

Trusting is difficult in an environment that is corrupt and decaying. It’s easy to slip into agreeing with hopelessness and distrust. It’s easy to mistrust God and fear. But none of it is mandatory.

Even though evil exists in our world and it betrays God and humanity, we have a choice to trust. When you are lost, this verse will guide you home–into God’s arms.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
    do not depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do,
    and he will show you which path to take.

Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT

Our own understanding is limited and can be faulty. God is saying there is something more true about trusting in faith than trusting with evidence and proof. Even so-called facts can be faulty. How many people believed that the Sun revolved around the Earth before additional facts disproved it?

God’s understanding is never wrong. Trust God because He is your good parent. Look beyond your immediate environment and trust Him no matter what is happening around you.

As you go about your daily life making decisions, keep your spirit open to hearing God’s will. When you trust that He will direct you, you don’t have to hesitate to act. God is holding your hand. Don’t hold back all that God made you to be.

Love provides faith. Faith allows you to trust. Your trust leads to surrender and freedom. Then you’ll have real hope.

Image by mcmurryjulie from Pixabay
Last revised October 31, 2020

Healthy Oneness

Healthy Oneness

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Reading time: 3 minutes

Confusion about oneness creates a substantial burden for relationships. In God’s economy, when two people become one, their individual distinctiveness is never lost. The point of misunderstanding is with the word become. In this context, become does not mean “replaced by.” Instead, it means “joined.”

If you believe oneness means your identity must diminish, your relationship will struggle to thrive. Instead of having opinions, you’ll only have compliance. Instead of strengthening your relationship, you’ll create weaknesses.

Healthy Oneness: Two Families Become One Family

A helpful question is, two what become one what? God says husband and wife become one flesh. One flesh has at least two meanings. On a literal, physical level, one flesh refers to the joining of two bodies in sexual union. The literal is a picture of the spiritual. Two people working together for mutual benefit. On a figurative, spiritual level, one flesh refers to becoming a unified family. God creates one new family from the parts of two separate families.

This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

Genesis 2:24 NLT

Both meanings imply coming together in a unified partnership that isn’t meant to be separated (until death). Both are illustrations of the deeper, permanent reality of Christ and the Church. When a person becomes a Christian, the person leaves the family of the lost to join God’s family. The believer is now “one” with Christ, a part of the body of Christ.

Note that two being a unified one is different than two changing into one. A unified one allows closeness while retaining individual definition. A husband and wife don’t lose their God-given identities; they gain experience in physical and spiritual oneness that can’t be experienced any other way.

Healthy Oneness: Two People, One Team

I like to put it this way. A husband and wife are on the same team and should act as one to accomplish their goals. What is a win for one is a win for the other. A loss for one is a loss for the other.

This allows for individual choices. God will judge a man on how good a husband he is. God will judge a woman on how good a wife she is. But God doesn’t make one responsible for the other’s poor choices. God doesn’t directly judge you for how good your marriage is–only indirectly through your performance because it is within your control.

In a tennis match, if one player is significantly more skilled than the other, the game won’t be interesting, but each individual can still be judged on their skill and character while playing.

Being judged individually should not encourage acting only in your best interest. You should act both in your best interest and also in the best interest of your partner. God expects you to give up your demand to have life go the way you want it. God opposes the proud. Insisting on your way at all costs is usually selfish.

Two strong individuals make a strong marriage. One dominant and one weak person will create a less strong marriage than the couple’s average strength. In contrast, the synergy between two strong individuals who have learned how to cooperate will exceed the output of two strong individuals working apart.

Learning how to cooperate as a team takes time and effort. Marital oneness includes physical and spiritual closeness, so it is more than what being on a sports team feels like. At the same time, there is no marriage in heaven, so it has to be less than what being in heaven will be like.

What has your experience with oneness been like? Are you expecting too much or too little from your relationship?

For more on oneness, consider How Two Identities Become One. The image associated with it provides a clear picture of what two as one should look like.

Image #286346030 licensed from Adobe Stock
Last updated 2023/10/01

How To Grow More Confident

How To Grow More Confident

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Reading time: 3 minutes

Who wants to be confident? Everybody does That’s because possessing confidence means you have resilience, reliability, and strength. We are all familiar with what its opposite involves: self-doubt, insecurity, and discouragement. The cost of a lack of confidence is high.

So, why aren’t more people brimming over with confidence? Because it comes with a price. Are you willing to endure whatever it takes to gain this sense of peace and security?

To become strong, you first need to be more fully in touch with the ways you are weak. How aware are you of how you are doing emotionally? Fortunately, there is a shortcut to finding and building your endurance and confidence.

Listen To Your Body To Grow Confident

When I go running for more than a few minutes, my focus changes. As fatigue sets in, I have to motivate myself to keep going. I become more aware of the finish line. How much farther do I have to go? Will I be able to make it without stopping?

Fatigue can result in discouragement or you can allow it to produce a determination to keep going. When I become fatigued while running, it’s nearly impossible not to notice the strain on my body. But what is more interesting is how my physical health and my emotional health are linked.

God made our brains to store similar experiences together. Running triggers my brain to focus on the theme of whatever is desperately concerning me. When my body protests because of the physical strain, my brain brings my most serious emotional concerns into my awareness. I become flooded with what matters most to me. The thoughts can be obstacles on my path to a life well-lived.

Test Your Limits To Grow Confident

To grow in endurance, you have to test your limits. The testing identifies weak areas that need strengthening. Growth is stressful, usually requiring an upfront investment for a future payoff. Growth costs you your immediate state of relaxation.

When we can trust God with this process, the value of the reward far exceeds the stress.

Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory.

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

Romans 5:1-5 NLT

God is saying your problems and trials lead to a satisfying, secure, and confident hope. The development of character is the proof of your salvation–your entrance into heaven and eternal life. Furthermore, a heart full of love has no room for fear.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

1 John 4:18 NIV

The next time you want to feel better, try wearing yourself out exercising (or whatever works for you). Then note what surfaces in your mind. That could be an area of weakness that God is working on so you can feel more confident.

We can see life as a painful struggle, but God sees it as endurance training. And endurance results in many good things such as peace, confidence, and character.

Read more about confidence.
Image by skeeze from Pixabay
Last Edited 2023/01/29

Improve Your Communication

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Reading time: 3 minutes

How easily can you put yourself in another’s shoes? How possible is it for you to see life from another person’s perspective?

When communication is poor in a relationship, it usually has little to do with choosing the right words. Most people have a decent vocabulary. Communication problems come from:

  • An (often stubborn) desire to go in a particular direction (that is different than the other’s)
  • An inability to see life beyond your own perspective
  • Assuming other people think and feel the way you do

We see things not as they are, but as we are. Because it is the ‘I’ behind the ‘eye’ that does the seeing.

Anaïs Nin

If you’ve never seen a four-legged animal, you’ll probably have a hard time understanding someone’s love for a dog.

Your ability to understand your world is limited by your experiences and your identity. You can always get new experiences, but you can't get a new identity. However, new experiences will help you understand your identity. Share on X

You’ve heard the expression, “get on the same page,” right? All this means is having an experience of the same thing. Even after this, communication requires work because every person is different. Each person looks at the same dog, but sees, feels, and responds differently.

As much as being on the same page is helpful, it requires a tremendous amount of effort because there are so many experiences that haven’t been formed at the same time. One person might have experienced a dog bite when they were 8 years old. Another person in their twenties might call their dog their best friend. How would these two people get on the same page? As you can see, there’s plenty of room for bias and plenty of reasons why they would struggle to communicate.

Let’s pretend you have an awesome camera that takes super high-resolution pictures and a low-def monitor. What kind of experience will you have looking at the picture?

What if we switch it up? What if you have a super high-resolution monitor, but you take a picture with a low-res camera? Same experience, right? Both pictures will look distorted.

In this example, the picture is the common experience and the monitor represents each person’s identity. The same picture will look different on different monitors.

The monitor can’t change. While you can change, you are limited like the monitor to what you can perceive at any given moment. God hard-wired your identity to see life in a specific way. He doesn’t intend for you to ever see it exactly like anyone else.

This brings us to a plan to communicate better. To improve your communication:

  • Have more experiences; each one changes you and helps you understand
  • Have more shared experiences; each one gets you closer to being on the same page
  • Practice describing what you see to each other, but realize you’ll never get it perfect, only close enough
  • Recognize each person sees the same experiences differently
  • Recognize each person has different motives and desires
  • Recognize each person is unique and will always only see life through the lens of their God-given identity
  • Be patient with the process; the best understanding develops over a long time

When all else seems to fail, there is love and empathy. Love overcomes the frustration from the lack of ability to know what it is like to be someone else. No one else has ever been you, so they can’t know for sure what it’s like. But you can empathize because everyone knows what it is like to feel pain and discomfort and then experience peace.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NIV

Peace and comfort are universal experiences.

Image by Ryan McGuire from Pixabay