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Self-Care Is Not Selfish Or Sinful

Self-Care Is Not Selfish Or Sinful

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Reading time: 4 minutes

Christians are not supposed to be selfish so they often end up at the other extreme: being self-neglectful. But being selfless doesn’t prevent self-care. You can be content while caring for yourself and others.

Selfishness at its root is wastefulness. Poor stewardship is the misuse of resources. Gluttony is a perfect example of selfishness. People are selfish when they consume more than they need while others don’t get what they need.

The selfish person refuses to do what is helpful and right. He prioritizes his wants over another person’s needs. Selfishness overlaps with pride. A selfish person might throw away good food instead of giving it to those in need. This person is deliberately spiteful or intent on seeing others suffer.

With such a bleak definition, you might think, “I’m not that selfish.” And maybe you’re right. Instead, maybe you are self-neglectful. Would you starve yourself so another can eat? That is just as extreme as letting others starve.

It’s Nearly Impossible to be Content and Selfish

The selfish person can’t be thankful. Being thankful allows you to see the abundance of what you have. Take a moment to consider the excess you have. Most people have well beyond what they need to be happy. Yet, many people aren’t happy. What will it take for you to be happy?

Selfishness can also have a fearful root. I should think only of myself in case something bad happens. True contentment is living with peace in any circumstance. To be selfish is a negative grab for satisfaction. Paul wrote about contentment:

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:11-13 NIV

Contentment is an internal state. You can prefer blue skies over grey skies, but still be content on a cloudy day. Selfishness exists because of discontentment with circumstances. The secret to contentment is knowing what happens when your life ends. Nothing provides greater peace than knowing God has chosen you to be with Him in paradise (Luke 23:43).

It’s Possible to Pursue Self-Care and be Selfless

Because of sin, it’s easy to be selfish. It’s also easy to give others what they want to avoid any uncomfortable conflict (also know as people pleasing). But you can be generous and have healthy boundaries at the same time. You can because self-care isn’t selfish. With God’s help, your motives for giving can be free of resentment, bitterness, or anything negative.

God wants you to be selfless. That means you work toward being a good steward of the resources God has given you. You know the difference between what you need and what you want. You derive your happiness from the abundance of what you already have. You share what you have with those who have need. You give to others only when your giving helps instead of creating further harm. Paul explains how to have the right motivation to give:

So I have decided to ask Titus and the others to spend some time with you before I arrive. This way they can arrange to collect the money you have promised. Then you will have the chance to give because you want to, and not because you feel forced to. Remember this saying, “A few seeds make a small harvest, but a lot of seeds make a big harvest.” Each of you must make up your own mind about how much to give. But don’t feel sorry that you must give and don’t feel that you are forced to give. God loves people who love to give.

2 Corinthians 9:5-7 CEV

When you are focused on God and His kingdom, you can be happy and content whether you are in need or have plenty. You can allow yourself to enjoy the life God has given you.

Learn more about struggling with circumstances.
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Faith Has Nothing To Do With Circumstances

Faith Has Nothing to Do With Circumstances

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Reading time: 3 minutes

Faith is first of all unwavering trust in a person: Jesus Christ. True faith means that trust exists and remains whether or not what you’ve asked for is fulfilled. This kind of faith comes only from your relationship with Jesus, made possible by the Holy Spirit.

Faith and Doubt can Coexist

Your faith doesn’t have to be perfect. Its strength doesn’t need to be at 100% for it to be effective. You can struggle with doubt as a believer. Your struggle is also an opportunity to strengthen your convictions. God wants us to trust the person (Jesus) first, not a specific outcome. This is important because we can’t predict God’s will in many of life’s details.

Having faith in God when He answers your prayers isn’t enough. You need faith in God even when He doesn’t answer your prayers the way you expect Him to. Of course, whenever you ask for wisdom, forgiveness, or other things God is eager to give to you, then you must believe and not doubt:

…if any of you lack wisdom, you should pray to God, who will give it to you; because God gives generously and graciously to all. But when you pray, you must believe and not doubt at all. Whoever doubts is like a wave in the sea that is driven and blown about by the wind. If you are like that, unable to make up your mind and undecided in all you do, you must not think that you will receive anything from the Lord.

James 1:5-8 GNT

What is it that you must believe? The work of God is to believe in Jesus (John 6:29). To call yourself a believer, you must know who Jesus is. You must believe He is exactly who He says He is. God is all-powerful. God is in complete control. God is wise. God is good.

Have Faith in What God Wills

If you want to improve your faith, consider asking God for the wisdom to know the difference between a prayer He will always answer with yes and others which are maybe or no. Wisdom, patience, maturity, the ability to love… God always grants these. Praying for your basic needs is likely to result in a yes. For example, you could pray that God would meet your transportation needs (likely) or you could pray for an extravagant car (less likely, but depends on why you’re asking). How this works depends on your heart–how you prioritize your life.

God answers prayers according to His sovereign plan, but He also answers them in the context of His relationship with you. Your biological father will give you good gifts if he knows and cares about you. Your heavenly father will also give you gifts appropriate to your spiritual maturity, your connection with Him, and His purposes (Matthew 7:11).

God, being good, gives good gifts. Therefore, there is never a reason to give up your faith. Faith that God is real and that He rewards those who seek Him is essential (Hebrews 11:6). Don’t give up on God!

Perhaps the times when you doubt God are the times when you are experiencing a deep sense of betrayal. God hasn’t betrayed you, but it can certainly feel that way. Even then, God would have you trust Him and continue to believe He is good and has something good in store for you.

Then you can say like Paul:

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful.

2 Timothy 4:7 NLT

How is your faith? It can be unwavering only because God is unwavering. God has a plan for your life. As a believer, your life always has a happy ending.

Learn more about the quality, not quantity of faith.
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Last updated 2023/11/19

If It Is Not True, It Is Not Real

If It Is Not True, It Is Not Real

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Reading time: 3 minutes

Have you ever stopped to think that what isn’t true isn’t real? In this context, “real” is any person or idea that will last forever and is neutral to positive about God. Biblical ideas are real. They will last forever and you have a positive use for them. God’s words always produce what God intends them to accomplish (see Isaiah 55:11).

Is there anything you believe, at least partially, even though you know it can’t be true? Maybe you struggle with one or more of these doubts:

  • I am not important to God.
  • I am not lovable.
  • God does not accept me as I am.
  • God does not have my best interest in mind.
  • God does not care what I do with my life.
  • My life’s work is not significant.
  • I am not sure if I will make it to heaven.

Do Not Doubt What is True and Real

Ideally, you have grown your relationship with God enough to refute these. But if you can’t, you’re not alone. If you read your Bible and think about it long enough, you probably could say you know the Bible teaches the opposite. Despite this, it is possible to doubt.

The Bible says that we should think about whatever is true (Philippians 4:8). We should do this to strengthen our faith. God wants us to know who He is. That way, when we approach Him with a request, we will have confidence that what we are asking is something God wants to give to us.

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

James 1:5-6 NIV

The phrase “when you ask” is important to understanding faith. Christians are going to struggle with doubt to some degree some of the time. But believers need to approach God believing in His goodness for the relationship to work well (see Matthew 7:11).

What is False is Temporary

The next time you struggle with doubt, remind yourself that falsehoods aren’t real. If you’re a believer, you’re going to outlast all false ideas, deceptions, and evil spirits. Don’t give falsehoods any more credibility. You have God’s Spirit within you. You don’t have to submit yourself to wrong ideas.

Most of creation as we know it is temporary. Even many created things, despite being positive and useful, aren’t as “real” as you are. You will outlive most of what you see. You will certainly outlive evil and falsehood. You will even outlast some of the beauty of God’s creation! You are more important than most of creation.

Look how the wild flowers grow! They don’t work hard to make their clothes. But I tell you that Solomon with all his wealth wasn’t as well clothed as one of these flowers. God gives such beauty to everything that grows in the fields, even though it is here today and thrown into a fire tomorrow. Won’t he do even more for you? You have such little faith! Don’t keep worrying about having something to eat or drink.

Luke 12:27-29 CEV

I’m not saying you should ignore the parts of life you don’t like. I am saying cling only to those things that are real. Everything else isn’t going to last.

My friends, what I mean is that the Lord will soon come, and it won’t matter if you are married or not. It will be all the same if you are crying or laughing, or if you are buying or are completely broke. It won’t make any difference how much good you are getting from this world or how much you like it. This world as we know it is now passing away.

1 Corinthians 7:29-31 CEV

Cling only to what is real. Ask God to help you know the difference between real and fake.

Learn more about faith.
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Last updated November 26, 2023

Prioritize To Avoid Hardship

Prioritize To Avoid Hardship

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Reading time: 4 minutes

Money is not evil, but the love of money is. Foolish people will prioritize money above more valuable treasures like peace, contentment, and joy. Which would you rather have, significant wealth or prevalent inner peace?

For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.

1 Timothy 6:10 NIV

Prioritize Needs Over Wants

Have you ever heard the phrase, “All I need to know, I learned in Kindergarten?” A common list includes tips like:

  • Share everything.
  • Don’t hit people.
  • Clean up your mess.
  • Say you’re sorry if you hurt somebody.
  • Warm cookies and cold milk are comforting.

There’s something to these tips. What if we went even further back? All I need I learned as a child under two years old. I can think of five essential needs:

  1. Mom’s milk
  2. Clean diaper
  3. Place to sleep
  4. Being held and talked to
  5. Stimulating activities

What would be the adult version of these things?

  1. Healthy diet
  2. Good hygiene
  3. Place to live where you feel safe
  4. Unconditional love: affection, encouragement, and discipline
  5. Interesting things to satisfy curiosity, an opportunity to grow, and make a difference.

Everything else is optional. But so many people prioritize imitation needs above real needs. The wants usually provide flashy but short-lived fulfillment. Prioritizing wants over needs significantly downgrades life and introduces worry because you can’t ever get enough of what you want. But you can be satisfied with what you need.

For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction.

1 Timothy 6:7-9 NIV

What are examples of wants that are not needs, but might imitate them?

  • A fancy car (or maybe any car)
  • A big home
  • Streaming entertainment
  • Designer clothing
  • An elaborate vacation
  • Alcohol

None of these things are a sin by themselves. But likewise, none of these ‘wants’ are essential ‘needs’. Or, put another way, there are a lot better achievements to put at the top of your list. When you prioritize any of the above, consider what you lose. It’s not a good trade.

Prioritize Spiritual Needs Over Earthly Wants

Why do so many people have their priorities mixed up? They believe the needs are unattainable, or perhaps not worth the effort, so they prioritize the more readily available, but cheap substitutes. Jesus encourages us to look beyond these wants, and even basic physical needs, to deeper spiritual needs. What God wants is better for us.

Why worry about clothes? Look how the wild flowers grow. They don’t work hard to make their clothes. But I tell you that Solomon with all his wealth wasn’t as well clothed as one of them. God gives such beauty to everything that grows in the fields, even though it is here today and thrown into a fire tomorrow. He will surely do even more for you! Why do you have such little faith?

Don’t worry and ask yourselves, “Will we have anything to eat? Will we have anything to drink? Will we have any clothes to wear?” Only people who don’t know God are always worrying about such things. Your Father in heaven knows that you need all of these. But more than anything else, put God’s work first and do what he wants. Then the other things will be yours as well.

Matthew 6:28-33 CEV

One need we all have is being clean. I mean that physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. Feeling ‘dirty’ can be intolerably unpleasant. How much caked-on guilt have you accumulated over the years? It can become overwhelming and self-destructive.

Perhaps you’ve made a mess of your life and you feel terrible. Try asking God for help to clean up your messes. Ask God to create in you a clean heart. That’s a prayer He is always eager to answer. That clear conscience allows energy for joyful living unlike any ‘want’ you can imagine.

Learn more about desires and fulfillment.
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Last updated 2023/11/12

Increase Your Faith

Increase Your Faith

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Reading time: 3 minutes

“I’m not sure I have enough faith to make it through this.”

“Increase our faith!” (Luke 17:5).

“I believe; help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24).

When you go through a personal crisis your faith is tested. Your friends might say, “just have more faith.” Taken as a cliché, it’s not only not helpful, it can be annoying. But as you’ll see, where you focus makes all the difference.

Seek Genuine Faith

Just have more faith is all about your effort–as in you’re not trying hard enough. If you hear “have more faith” and groan or feel even more discouraged, you’re focusing on a powerless effort devoid of God. You might feel cynical: Why should I try if it feels like God has abandoned me? But this won’t be fruitful because your focus is on yourself.

Now, let’s consider Have faith in God which is all about God. It’s genuine because God is the focal point. Genuine faith looks, sees, believes, and trusts. It’s not about how hard you’re trying.

For it is my Father’s will that all who see his Son and believe in him should have eternal life. I will raise them up at the last day.

John 6:40 NLT

This shifts the focus from what is impossible for us to do, to what is possible for God to do. The ability to believe connects us to God, giving us eternal life. God intentionally divides people into two groups (consider John 10:1-16 and Matthew 25:31-46). The only significant difference between the two is that God’s people undergo a transformation from spiritual death to spiritual life made possible by seeing and believing. Being born again forever changes a person. That’s what it means to have eternal life.

Your primary work is to believe in God. This means something different than “have more faith,” which is useless when it lacks belief. With genuine faith, you believe and are able to walk forward in the power of what you believe (see James 2:14-26 for more on this).

Jesus told them, “This is the only work God wants from you: Believe in the one he has sent.”

John 6:29 NLT

Belief Comes From God

God is at work in believing process.

God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God.

Ephesians 2:8 NLT

For no one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws them to me, and at the last day I will raise them up. “I tell you the truth, anyone who believes has eternal life.

John 6:44, 47 NLT

The power is in the believing. What should you believe? Your primary work is to believe God is who He says He is. God is good. God is your source of eternal life.

How to Increase Your Faith

I want more faith, don’t you? You can’t run a marathon or even to your street corner without food. Likewise, you can’t finish a spiritual race without a vibrant faith.

To strengthen your faith, you feed on God’s words. You meditate on God’s truth. You consume God’s words and allow them to become a part of you. How positive and hopeful you are depends on how much you reinforce your belief in the Good News about Christ.

So faith comes from hearing, that is, hearing the Good News about Christ.

Romans 10:17 NLT

If you’re a believer, then you have faith already, but for it to do you much good, you have to exercise it regularly. Get your running clothes out of the closet and put them on.

Take the time throughout your day to be aware of your belief: I have faith. I believe. I can see and hear God. God is real. God is my help. I trust God. Then move forward confidently with all you have going on in your life. God is with you.

For more on increasing your faith, consider:
Faith as Spiritual Vision
www.desiringgod.org
www.crosswalk.com
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Last updated 08/20/2023

Earnest Rest Reveals God's Favor

Earnest Rest Reveals God’s Favor

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Reading time: 3 minutes

Rest makes it possible to perform at your highest level. You probably do your best work when you are relaxed and “in the zone.” Have you experienced this kind of rest? Would you like to learn to enter into the rest God intends for you?

Find Rest By Finding Your Sweet Spot

God made you with an identity which is the place of optimal functioning. This sweet spot is where the least amount of effort still produces the maximum output. Hitting your sweet spot is an honorable goal. God intends for you to feel the pleasure of acting from the center of who you are. If you want to know God’s favor, first you must be free to be yourself.

Sometimes the sweet spot is elusive because of sin and the curse. They cloud and distort who you are. Sometimes you have to do what you don’t particularly want to do. Overcoming the curse requires hard work. The goal isn’t to eliminate your effort, but instead to optimize your effort. You put in your effort while relying on God to carry what you were never meant to carry.

Find Rest By Compartmentalizing Obligation

Do you know what it feels like to pursue what you want instead of what you must (because of obligation or responsibility)? God created the sabbath so you can experience unpressured living at least one day out of seven. The lift you gain from one day of rest can carry into the other six days.

Who are you when you’re under obligation? How do you fill your day to meet the demands of life? Don’t miss this: You’re probably not optimally in touch with your true identity while under obligation. That’s because obligation implies some amount of stress and that changes everything.

Who are you when you’re not under any obligation? Then, how do you live? This is what you can accomplish during productive play. Restful living means entering into a natural high by functioning at the level of God’s highest purposes for you. This is true recreation — an effort that recovers more energy than it spends.

Find Rest By Playing

Fulfilling obligations is necessary. But playing is as important as working. What do you think of when you think of playing? Productive play does not involve low-functioning activities that allow passive living. Your brain can be fully engaged and relaxed during play.

Whatever you do should have a purpose. Some activities can seem like they have no eternal significance, but if they rejuvenate you, they have value. For example, consider watching a movie. What value do you gain from it? Does it uplift or strengthen you? Does it help you to better understand life? Or does it drain you or lead you into sin?

To play is to relax. Some people can’t stop working. Their play is only work in disguise. When you practice relaxing, it will help you when you are under the stress of responsibility. You’ll be able to work more efficiently when you are under stress.

Restful living will be different for each person. What activities bring you more energy as you participate in them? In the movie, Chariots of Fire, Eric Liddell says, “When I run, I feel His pleasure.” Even though he’s exerting himself completely he has entered God’s rest. He’s burdened with running, but not burdened with debilitating anxieties.

When God’s power is available genuine play is possible. That’s because He does the heavy lifting. Jesus said:

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:28-30

Have you ever felt God’s pleasure? You enter God’s rest and He is right there with you expressing His excitement for who you are. God is your cheerleader. Allow His cheers to propel you forward.

Learn more about play.
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Last Updated 2023/10/15