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Grieving Frees You From A Trapped Life

Grieving Frees You From A Trapped Life

April 17, 2022 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

Have you ever felt stuck in life? I have many times. Grieving is the only way to become unstuck. It’s a process of coming to accept what seems unacceptable. It changes you for the good, but it leaves you different.

You can only experience something for the first time once in your life. Once you experience it, you are changed. Those second and following experiences aren’t the same.

Life is like a series of gates you go through. The gates are one-way doors. After you go through them, you can’t go back. All you can do is view the past from a distance.

Grieving Helps You Let Go of Regrets

How many times have you wished you could have a do-over? You realize too late that you could have handled a situation much better.

Sometimes life can feel like a rushing river is escorting you through the gates faster than you want to go. Along the way, you hit some rocks and don’t have time to catch your breath. You can feel trapped because the gate behind you is permanently shut. You don’t want to go forward; you want to go back so you can erase your mistakes.

Godly grief allows you to move forward into a new way of living that embraces God’s salvation. Worldly grief keeps you stubborn and unwilling to accept God’s help.

For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.

2 Corinthians 7:10 ESV

Grieving Helps You Wait For God

Sometimes life can feel like a riverbed that dried up so long ago you can remember when. The gate in front of you seems to be permanently shut. You think you are ready to move on, but God has other plans. He wants you to linger where you are for a while. You feel trapped because you can’t move forward into the future, the past seems irrelevant, and the present is boring or painful.

But you can make use of the time you have by learning that God is sufficient for all your needs.

Deep in my heart I say, “The Lord is all I need; I can depend on him!

The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.

It is good to wait patiently for the Lord to save us.

Lamentations 3:24 (CEV) 25 (ESV) 26 (CEV)

The way forward won’t be closed forever. If it is closed, there’s more to do in this chapter of your life before you move to the next. Once you move on, you can’t return, so it is wise to be sure you are done with the current season of life.

While you are waiting, you can seek God by asking Him to accomplish His plans in your life so you can eventually open the door.

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Matthew 7:7-8 NIV

Grieving Helps You Step Through the Open Door

Sometimes life can feel like you are on a calm lake but you are approaching a waterfall. You fear for your survival. The way forward is too open for your comfort. You’d rather enjoy the serenity of the lake.

Say not, “Why were the former days better than these?” For it is not from wisdom that you ask this.

Ecclesiastes 7:10 ESV

With each passing gate, a melancholy nostalgia can build. The older you are, the more there is that will never be again. But this also means God is doing something new right now and He will do even more tomorrow.

For I am about to do something new.
    See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
    I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.

Isaiah 43:19 NLT

What body of water best describes your current season of life? Remember that God is a masterful gatekeeper. Allow Him to guide you through the wilderness with all He provides. Seek wisdom from God (see Ecclesiastes 7:8-14 for more insight into grieving).

Read more about 3 Steps to Achieve Healthy Grieving
Image by santiagotorrescl95 from Pixabay

Filed Under: Healing, Self-Care Tagged With: faith

Worry Less Trust More

Worry Less Trust More

April 25, 2021 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

Worry and anxiety are pretty much the same. Spiritually speaking, they both are rooted in fear which is essentially an inability to trust God no matter what.

Life brings many situations that challenge our ability to trust God. What can you do to worry less and trust more?

Worry Less By Focusing On The Present Moment

When you worry, you are looking too far ahead into the future. All of us would like to know the future. But it can interfere with your faith. If you could only have one or the other, God would always prefer you maintain your faith (your trust) in Him instead of knowing anything about the future.

How far into the future is too far to be looking? For some people or in some situations looking 100 years might be too far. But others can stir up anxiety even by looking 100 seconds. Where you focus is more important than how far ahead you look. If you try to find security somewhere out into the future, you will never find it because you will miss that God is with you in the present.

If you want to worry less, then reduce how far you are looking ahead until you reclaim a sense of peace. Jesus tells us not to worry about tomorrow (the future). Each day (the present) has enough to occupy you. If even the events of later in the day concern you, focus on the present moment. At this very second, there’s not a whole lot to be concerned about. Take one day (one moment, one second) at a time.

Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:27,34 NIV

If you find yourself saying, “yes, but…” about something that’s going to be happening or needs to happen, then you’ve already shifted your focus away from the present and onto a future moment. If you want to experience peace instead of stress, stop and recenter yourself back to the present.

Worry Less By Surrendering All Outcomes to God

You might be having an awesome day and find it easy to trust God. You might be having a horrible day, month, or year but God would have you trust Him the same. Nothing should come between you and God. Bad luck? Nope. Evil? Nope. Disease? Nope. Your health? Nope. Your very life? Nope. See Romans 8:31-39 for more on this.

It’s easy to value your life more than God. If you suffer a serious illness, your very existence is threatened. Or is it? It really depends upon your perspective. As a believer, you’re going to live forever. Do you allow God to determine how long you will live in this life? Or are you wringing your hands trying to figure out how to squeeze another hour out of it?

It’s easy to care about what happens in this life because it’s all we know. Or is it? As a believer, you have the Holy Spirit. So you have a taste of heaven today. Right now you can sense the goodness of heavenly living.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7 NIV

Do what is reasonable for each day to move your life forward. Leave the rest up to God (by praying and letting it go). If you find yourself panicking because of one thing or another, stop trying to be God: reduce what is on your plate. You weren’t meant to save the world. God sent Jesus for that!

Read more about trusting God.
Photo by Gabby K from Pexels

Filed Under: Spiritual Formation, Core Longings, Emotional Honesty, Eternal Security, God's Kingdom, Identity, Self-Care Tagged With: faith, fear, hope, suffering

Where Does Joy Come From?

July 18, 2020 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

If you want to find something, where do you start looking?

If you’re hungry for strawberries, where do you get them? Strawberries don’t grow on apple trees. So there’s not much point in looking up a tree.

Where does joy come from? Joy is a fruit of the spirit.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Galatians 5:22-23 NIV

Joy is spiritual. Joy is other-worldly. Joy can be difficult to grasp. It’s not logical when viewed from the present moment. Joy becomes elusive when you look for it in the circumstances of your life.

But joy is logical when you look beyond the present moment. Real joy is rooted in a reality beyond what you see everyday. Joy comes from a truth greater than any fact of your present day life. That’s the only way you can suffer and be joyful at the same time.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.

James 1:2-3 NIV

Joy isn’t possible without faith. Faith sees beyond the physical to the spiritual reality.

Joy results from trials because the trials reveal the “too good to be true even though it is true” reality beyond the so-so reality of everyday life. Joy is always possible because it’s based on the absolute truth of God’s kingdom.

And he said to him, “Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise.”

Luke 23:43 ESV

No matter what is happening to you today, a paradise awaits you someday in the future. But don’t end your life prematurely to reach paradise.

While you’re still alive, God has a purpose for you. It’s okay to borrow joy from your heavenly future. In fact, that’s the only way to do it. God’s Spirit makes the heavenly reality known to you today.

Enjoy!

Photo by Stridsberg Carl form PxHere

Filed Under: God's Kingdom, Counseling, Identity, Spiritual Formation Tagged With: faith, fear, joy

How To Make Trusting God Easier

May 31, 2020 by Matt Pavlik 2 Comments

Trusting God throughout your day is challenging mostly because of all the distractions. Some distractions are positive and some are negative. Either way, consider how much you have increased your trust in God today.

Staying focused on God requires intentional effort. It would be even more difficult without the Bible and your memories. God promises you’re not wasting your time when you seek Him, trust Him, and make your requests known to Him.

In Isaiah 46, God says a lot about who He is and what He likes to do. God promises He will act. He isn’t a worthless idol. God doesn’t forget about you. He knows your future so of course, He knows your past. He’s been attending to you since even before you were born.

I have cared for you since you were born. Yes, I carried you before you were born.

Isaiah 46:3 NLT

But that’s not all. God proclaims that He will care for you and carry you throughout your future.

I will be your God throughout your lifetime—until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you.

Isaiah 46:4 NLT

If you put your trust in something other than God, you will be disappointed. But God cares about you enough to rescue you from trouble.

[An idol] can’t even move! And when someone prays to it, there is no answer. It can’t rescue anyone from trouble.

Isaiah 46:7 NLT

God has already rescued you and is more than capable of continuing to do so. He is in complete control of the past, present, and future. Only God can make such bold statements as these:

Remember the things I have done in the past. For I alone am God! I am God, and there is none like me. Only I can tell you the future before it even happens. Everything I plan will come to pass, for I do whatever I wish.

Isaiah 46:9-10 NLT

God can and will do whatever He wants. For those who are friends of God, this should provide increased comfort and trust. For those who are yet enemies of God, I bet that is scary and irritating. I remember the emptiness I felt when I was unable to understand who God is.

If you are a believer, then you must have some positive memories. At the very least, God has done a work in your life to cause you to cross over from death to life. Can you remember what that felt like? I remember how uplifting and hopeful I felt when I first believed.

Remembering what God has done in your life is a source of spiritual strength. When you recall the ways God has touched your life, it helps you trust Him with current life challenges. When God breaks into your life, that’s God building trust with you. Use it for all it’s worth to make your faith solid.

God is real. Let’s pray with anticipation of the good things He will do. No matter what is happening around us, God is still good and in control.

Photo from pxhere

Filed Under: Eternal Security, Core Longings, Identity, Spiritual Formation Tagged With: faith, fear, hope, trust

God Is Perfect

April 19, 2020 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

How do you feel about God? How much do you trust Him? Nothing is more important than your trust in God.

If there was one truth to rule them all it would be, “God is perfect.” Try an experiment. Count God as thoroughly perfect. Now, how much can you trust Him? Has your hope increased? If you can’t bring yourself to believe He is perfect, maybe you feel more discouraged.

When I think of God as perfect, it starts to correct my image of Him. I feel more positive toward Him and then I feel more hopeful.

Is God Perfect?

Do you ever find yourself resisting that God is perfect? It can be easy to doubt God is perfect. Globally, many difficult things have happened, are happening, and will continue to happen. It’s the “continue to happen” that makes it easy to doubt.

Can God be perfect if He allows bad things to continue to happen? This question causes many people to stumble in their faith.

If you start to seriously doubt God, you move into a place of judgment. Putting God on trial is the beginning of the end. Nothing good can come from distancing yourself from the only one who can help you. I discuss this and more in my book, To Identity and Beyond.

Until we are in heaven, life will continue to be a struggle. Since we are not there yet, this life is all we know. You have to make up your mind about God with the evidence you gain from your life.

Regardless of how good or bad life seems, you have a powerful choice to make. Will you devote your allegiance to God? Will you align your spirit to His Spirit?

If you refuse, you will experience some natural consequences.

Believing God Has Faults Harms You

If God is perfect, then failing to believe and act accordingly will be harmful to you. It is possible that all of us experience a deterioration in our health to the degree we live like God is imperfect. That’s scary!

Believing God is imperfect and then failing to trust Him carry with it consequences like:

  • Increased fear, anxiety, and worry
  • Increased need for control
  • Increased desire to be self-sufficient
  • Increased isolation and loneliness
  • Increased despair
  • Increased frustration and anger

Can it be any other way? Comment and let me know what you think.

Mediate on God’s Perfection

Try an experiment this week. Reminder yourself of God’s perfection. Whenever you set your mind on God, think about how absolutely perfect He is. Notice how you feel. If you feel negative, that’s probably an indicator of some spiritual work you need to do. If you feel more positive, notice how that changed for you. What changed?

After you try this for a week, check on what insights you gained about God and yourself? Do you feel more peaceful and hopeful?

Filed Under: Spiritual Formation, Core Longings Tagged With: faith, fear

Are You Blind Or Lacking Vision?

March 2, 2020 by Matt Pavlik 1 Comment

I can see and hear well for the most part. But I was wondering recently what it must be like to be blind. What is it like to walk across a room without being able to see?

Actually, I know firsthand what this is like because I’ve bumped into many things walking in my bedroom at night (with the lights out so I don’t disturb my wife).

Would walking be easier if I could see a little, or not see at all? My first thought is seeing something is better than nothing. But then I would be more tempted to rely on my efforts. I could be so focused on what I can see, that I’d forget to consider God.

Does God want you to trust Him more like a completely blind person? If you can’t see clearly, God certainly doesn’t want you to squint and guess. When you can see, you should use all that God has given you to make a decision. But sometimes you really can’t see much of anything even when you see a lot. What you see isn’t helpful or it’s irrelevant. It’s noise.

Maybe it’s okay that God asks you to walk by faith. Maybe you can blindly trust Him when you have no clue what He is doing. And maybe it’s better that way.

God is always with you. He is always present, but you might need to walk a path that doesn’t make sense–like Abraham had to do when God asked him to sacrifice his son.

Walking while blind (physically) might actually provide the most opportunity to put your full and purest trust in God. Can you acknowledge that you’re completely dependent upon God? When you can’t see anything with your physical eyes, you will have no choice but to rely on your spiritual eyes.

Depending on how you look at it, that might sound uncomfortably vulnerable, or it might sound blissfully peaceful. What does it sound like to you?

Here are some scriptures to consider: 2 Corinthians 5:7, Proverbs 3:5-6, Hebrews 11:1, John 20:29, 2 Corinthians 4:4, 4:18, Mark 4:12. I recently wrote an answer on Quora about looking but not really seeing (Matthew 13:10–13).

Image by Jiří Rotrekl from Pixabay

Filed Under: Spiritual Formation, God's Kingdom Tagged With: faith, fear

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