Christian Concepts

Bringing your Potential to Light

Self-Care

How To Grow More Confident

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When I go running for more than a few minutes, my focus changes. As fatigue sets in, I have to motivate myself to keep going. I become more aware of the finish line. How much farther do I have to go? Will I be able to make it without stopping?

How in touch are you with how you are doing emotionally? What if I told you there is an easy way to find out and build your endurance and confidence at the same time?

When I become fatigued while running, it’s nearly impossible to not notice the strain on my body. But what is more interesting is how my physical health and my emotional health surface together.

God made our brains to store similar experiences together. Running triggers my brain to focus on the theme of whatever is desperately concerning me. When my body protests because of the physical strain, my brain brings into my awareness my most serious emotional concerns. I become flooded with what matters most to me.

To grow in endurance, you have to test your limits. The testing identifies weak areas that need strengthening. Growth is stressful, usually requiring an upfront investment for a future payoff. Growth costs you your immediate state of relaxation.

But the stress is worth the reward because God gives us so much when we trust Him.

Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory. We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

Romans 5:1-5 NLT

God is saying your problems and trials lead to a satisfying, secure, and confident hope. The development of character is the proof of your salvation–your entrance into heaven and eternal life.

The next time you want to feel better, try wearing yourself out exercising (or whatever works for you). Then note what surfaces in your mind. That could be an area of weakness that God is working on so you can feel more confident.

We see life as a painful struggle, but God sees it as endurance training. And endurance results in many good things such as peace, confidence, and character.

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How to Live Worry Free

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What are you worried about? What change are you hoping for?

Anxious worrying involves fear. You can be afraid of something bad happening. You can also be afraid of losing something valuable to you.

The more you focus on what you can’t control, the more anxious you’ll become. The more you live in fear, the more discouraged you’ll become.

Anxious fear brings depression,
but a life-giving word of encouragement
can do wonders to restore joy to the heart.

Proverbs 12:25 TPT

The only way to live worry free is to give up your attempts to control the outcomes of your life.

This doesn’t mean giving up on life. You can love God with everything you have, but still accept that this life rarely goes exactly the way you want it to go.

Encouragement is Real

There’s always a greater reality beyond what you see immediately in front of you. Encouraging words never need to be empty promises.

Maybe you are caught up in fear. Maybe you aren’t allowing a life-giving word of encouragement to reach your heart.

Living intentionally by telling God you want to be more hopeful. Agree that you want to open your heart to encouragement.

Imagine God encouraging you. Which of the following would be most life-giving?

  • You are unconditionally loved.
  • You are safe and secure.
  • You are wanted in relationship.
  • You are significant and needed.
  • You have a place in my kingdom-house.

Fortunately for us believers, all of the above are true. Then why don’t they often feel true?

None of those statements require that your circumstances are always pleasant or desirable. They are spiritual truths more than they are earthly or temporal facts. Spiritual truths last forever; circumstances are temporary. Don’t confuse the two. When you believe your circumstances are forever and truth is temporary, you will understandably be afraid. So if you’re struggling, ask yourself which way you’re believing.

Spiritual truths remain true, even when they don’t feel true. Who you are (all the good that God made you to be) remains true, even when you don’t feel good about yourself.

Wounds are Real, But God is More Real

When terrible, painful things happen, we are supposed to feel sad, but not discouraged forever. If you lose a loved one, develop a serious medical condition, or face humiliating rejection, you will feel it, and you should.

No doubt that life circumstances can be obstacles to faith. No doubt there is plenty to be sad about. Just not sad forever. The reality of who God is brings joy to the heart.

Wounds are real, but God is more real. Open your heart to life-giving encouragement.

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Time for a Reality Check

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How much of your life do you spend in reality? How much in a made up reality?

Taking a break from reality is healthy up to a point. But what starts as innocent can become harmful. Taking a break can eventually become escaping reality. Then what if you reach the point where you start to prefer to escape more than you prefer to be present? You could then become chained (addicted) to a reality that you find difficult to escape.

We are only aware of a fraction of who we are at any given time. Sometimes this denial of who we are is normal and healthy. But at other times, we become stuck denying important information.

If you’re in denial, you could be:

  1. Believing you are better than you really are (you are pridefully protecting your ego).
  2. Believing you are worse than you really are (you are making a negative experience more important that it really is).

Take a moment to become more aware. Think through the past couple of weeks. What has been the focus of your thoughts? Is there anything resting just below the surface? What are you half-aware of? What is nagging at you in the back of your mind, but you haven’t admitted it or verbalized it yet?

Denying the truth is usually not good. But you must escape what you can’t fully handle in the moment. On the other hand, denying something false is usually good. God wants us to die to (deny) sin and be alive to Him.

So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.

Romans 6:11

Is there such a place as heaven on earth? How hard should Christians be trying to manufacture a utopia?

We can make the effort to embrace the reality of God’s truth. But this includes the reality that this life, in its present form, is passing away. We can make our lives somewhat better, but we can’t deny forever that what is coming next is far greater than what we have today.

For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account.

Philippians 1:21-24

The only true reality is the one God says is real. You might lean into other less-than-true realities when the pain is too much and you think you have no other options. But as soon as you’re ready, you should run toward God and His reality.

In what ways are you in denial? Consider how aware you are of your emotions and memories. Are you stuck in a rut of unchanging routine? Ask God for the strength to endure the harshness of reality, but also for the spiritual insight to behold the beauty of His reality.

God is merciful; He allows and even provides for a healthy escape. He provides moments that transcend the difficulties of life (see 1 Corinthians 10:13).

When God provides the opportunity for you to enjoy life, be sure to take full advantage.

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Enter Rest to Feel God’s Pleasure

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During a full rest, you are able to perform at your highest level. You probably do your best work when you are relaxed and “in the zone.”

Have you experienced this kind of rest? Would you like to learn how to enter into the rest God intends for you?

God made you with a sweet spot-also called your identity. You put in your effort while relying on God to carry what you were never meant to carry (the bulk of the load).

Sometimes the sweet spot is elusive because of sin and the curse. Sometimes you have to do what you don’t particularly want to do. Overcoming the curse requires hard work. The goal isn’t to eliminate your effort, but instead to optimize your effort.

A sweet spot is that optimal place that maximizes output with the least effort. Hitting your sweet spot is an honorable goal. The center of the sweet spot is you functioning as God intends and feeling His pleasure. If you want to feel God’s pleasure, first you must be free to be yourself.

Do you know what it feels like to pursue what you want to instead of what you have to (because of obligation or responsibility)? God wants you to experience unpressured living at least one day out of seven. The lift you gain from one day of rest can carry into the other six days.

Who are you (how do you live) when you’re under obligation? This is how you fill your day to meet the demands of life. It’s required. So don’t miss this: You’re probably not optimally in touch with your true identity while under obligation. That’s because obligation implies some amount of stress and that changes everything.

Who are you (how do you live) when you’re not under any obligation? This is what you accomplish during productive play. This isn’t lower functioning (brain dead) activities that allow passive living. Restful living means entering into a natural high by functioning at the level of God’s highest purposes for you. This is true recreation-an effort that recovers more energy than it spends.

When you practice entering rest, it will help you when you are under the stress of responsibility. You’ll be able to work more efficiently when you are under stress.

Restful living will be different for each person. What activities bring you more energy as you participate in them?

In the movie, Chariots of Fire, Eric Liddell says, “When I run, I feel His pleasure.” Even though he’s exerting himself completely he has entered God’s rest. He’s burdened with running, but not burdened with debilitating anxieties.

Fulfilling obligations is necessary. But playing is as important as working. To play is to rest. Some people can’t stop working. Their play is only work in disguise.

When God’s power is available genuine play is possible. That’s because He does the heavy lifting. Jesus said:

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:28-30

Have you ever felt God’s pleasure? You enter God’s rest and He is right there with you expressing His excitement for who you are. God is your cheerleader. Allow His cheers to propel you forward.

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Find and Accept Your True Self

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If you’re unable to accept yourself, you’re missing out on the joy that comes from contentment. God created you as you are for a specific reason. Life’s bumps and bruises can lead you to believe you have to be someone more or less than you are.

If you are not gifted athletically (or choose another ability), but compare yourself to those that are, you’ll always come up short and feel less than.

Have you ever tried something and felt inadequate? Or maybe someone told you that you didn’t measure up? If you can walk away understanding, “this isn’t for me,” then you have a healthy perspective. If you conclude that you are defective, then you are making it personal and that isn’t helpful.

Are you measuring yourself against the right ruler? God measures you by His original design. Everything else will give you a faulty or inaccurate measurement.

But more than that, you’ll feel miserable because there is no way for you to win. Proverbs 11:1 declares that God detests deception in dealings with others. How can you deal honestly with others if you don’t first deal honestly with your own value?

It’s possible to think you accept yourself when you really don’t. It’s possible to live with the heavy burden of trying to be who you think God wants you to be. But that can be different than who God knows you to be.

Are you living with an uncomfortable tension of always pushing yourself to reach some ever-elusive goal? If so, you’re never going to reach self-acceptance.

Below are 6 questions to help you assess how close your presented self (how others see you) is to your ideal self (how you see you). Answer the first 3 questions to determine your ideal self and the second 3 questions to define how you feel obligated to act to fulfill life’s demands.

  1. The thing I like most about myself is…
  2. I’m at my best when I contribute…
  3. I feel most connected to God when I…
  4. Others appreciate me for…
  5. My job requires me to…
  6. I feel like a fish out of water when I…

Now, compare your answers between all the questions. How consistent (or inconsistent) are you? Bonus question: Who does God say you are?

Imagine what it will feel like if your ideal self and God’s ideal for you are the same. That’s self-acceptance.

Is self-acceptance clear to you? Are you amazed by God’s goodness that He created us to enjoy Him and enjoy who He made you to be? If not, what seems to be hindering your understanding?

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Are You Trying to Solve a Problem You Don’t Need to Solve?

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If you’re afraid, do you know what you’re really afraid of?

What is normal can go unnoticed. Thoughts on autopilot can go unaware. You’ve invested in understanding the confusion and sadness you’re going through, but you might not even realize yet that it isn’t helping.

You’ve dedicated your brain’s full computing power. But, hmmm. What if all your efforts are unnecessary? What if there is a simpler solution?

Life doesn't have to make sense for you to have peace. Your understanding of your life situation is probably missing important pieces. God has those missing pieces. Click To Tweet

Proverbs 3:5 says to “lean not on your own understanding.” But Proverbs 3:13 says to “get understanding.” At first, this might seem like a contradiction. But God is not saying to avoid all understanding. He is saying your understanding is incomplete and you’ll gain His understanding as (or perhaps after) you walk in faith. The understanding often comes in hindsight.

Most people have heard of the serenity prayer. Even if you know it, read it anyway because you might need to apply it again in a new, fresh way.

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Reinhold Niebuhr

That’s the short version. It continues:

Living one day at a time,
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardship as a pathway to peace;
taking, as Jesus did,
this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it;
trusting that You will make all things right
if I surrender to Your will;
so that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen.

Reinhold Niebuhr

There is a lot of wisdom there. Now, back to the beginning. What are you afraid of? What do you most need when you are overwhelmed? Are you trying to solve the right problem?