Christian Concepts

Bringing your Potential to Light

Self-Care

Time for a Reality Check

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How much of your life do you spend in reality? How much in a made up reality?

Taking a break from reality is healthy up to a point. But what starts as innocent can become harmful. Taking a break can eventually become escaping reality. Then what if you reach the point where you start to prefer to escape more than you prefer to be present? You could then become chained (addicted) to a reality that you find difficult to escape.

We are only aware of a fraction of who we are at any given time. Sometimes this denial of who we are is normal and healthy. But at other times, we become stuck denying important information.

If you’re in denial, you could be:

  1. Believing you are better than you really are (you are pridefully protecting your ego).
  2. Believing you are worse than you really are (you are making a negative experience more important that it really is).

Take a moment to become more aware. Think through the past couple of weeks. What has been the focus of your thoughts? Is there anything resting just below the surface? What are you half-aware of? What is nagging at you in the back of your mind, but you haven’t admitted it or verbalized it yet?

Denying the truth is usually not good. But you must escape what you can’t fully handle in the moment. On the other hand, denying something false is usually good. God wants us to die to (deny) sin and be alive to Him.

So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.

Romans 6:11

Is there such a place as heaven on earth? How hard should Christians be trying to manufacture a utopia?

We can make the effort to embrace the reality of God’s truth. But this includes the reality that this life, in its present form, is passing away. We can make our lives somewhat better, but we can’t deny forever that what is coming next is far greater than what we have today.

For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account.

Philippians 1:21-24

The only true reality is the one God says is real. You might lean into other less-than-true realities when the pain is too much and you think you have no other options. But as soon as you’re ready, you should run toward God and His reality.

In what ways are you in denial? Consider how aware you are of your emotions and memories. Are you stuck in a rut of unchanging routine? Ask God for the strength to endure the harshness of reality, but also for the spiritual insight to behold the beauty of His reality.

God is merciful; He allows and even provides for a healthy escape. He provides moments that transcend the difficulties of life (see 1 Corinthians 10:13).

When God provides the opportunity for you to enjoy life, be sure to take full advantage.

Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay

Enter Rest to Feel God’s Pleasure

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During a full rest, you are able to perform at your highest level. You probably do your best work when you are relaxed and “in the zone.”

Have you experienced this kind of rest? Would you like to learn how to enter into the rest God intends for you?

God made you with a sweet spot-also called your identity. You put in your effort while relying on God to carry what you were never meant to carry (the bulk of the load).

Sometimes the sweet spot is elusive because of sin and the curse. Sometimes you have to do what you don’t particularly want to do. Overcoming the curse requires hard work. The goal isn’t to eliminate your effort, but instead to optimize your effort.

A sweet spot is that optimal place that maximizes output with the least effort. Hitting your sweet spot is an honorable goal. The center of the sweet spot is you functioning as God intends and feeling His pleasure. If you want to feel God’s pleasure, first you must be free to be yourself.

Do you know what it feels like to pursue what you want to instead of what you have to (because of obligation or responsibility)? God wants you to experience unpressured living at least one day out of seven. The lift you gain from one day of rest can carry into the other six days.

Who are you (how do you live) when you’re under obligation? This is how you fill your day to meet the demands of life. It’s required. So don’t miss this: You’re probably not optimally in touch with your true identity while under obligation. That’s because obligation implies some amount of stress and that changes everything.

Who are you (how do you live) when you’re not under any obligation? This is what you accomplish during productive play. This isn’t lower functioning (brain dead) activities that allow passive living. Restful living means entering into a natural high by functioning at the level of God’s highest purposes for you. This is true recreation-an effort that recovers more energy than it spends.

When you practice entering rest, it will help you when you are under the stress of responsibility. You’ll be able to work more efficiently when you are under stress.

Restful living will be different for each person. What activities bring you more energy as you participate in them?

In the movie, Chariots of Fire, Eric Liddell says, “When I run, I feel His pleasure.” Even though he’s exerting himself completely he has entered God’s rest. He’s burdened with running, but not burdened with debilitating anxieties.

Fulfilling obligations is necessary. But playing is as important as working. To play is to rest. Some people can’t stop working. Their play is only work in disguise.

When God’s power is available genuine play is possible. That’s because He does the heavy lifting. Jesus said:

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:28-30

Have you ever felt God’s pleasure? You enter God’s rest and He is right there with you expressing His excitement for who you are. God is your cheerleader. Allow His cheers to propel you forward.

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Find and Accept Your True Self

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If you’re unable to accept yourself, you’re missing out on the joy that comes from contentment. God created you as you are for a specific reason. Life’s bumps and bruises can lead you to believe you have to be someone more or less than you are.

If you are not gifted athletically (or choose another ability), but compare yourself to those that are, you’ll always come up short and feel less than.

Have you ever tried something and felt inadequate? Or maybe someone told you that you didn’t measure up? If you can walk away understanding, “this isn’t for me,” then you have a healthy perspective. If you conclude that you are defective, then you are making it personal and that isn’t helpful.

Are you measuring yourself against the right ruler? God measures you by His original design. Everything else will give you a faulty or inaccurate measurement.

But more than that, you’ll feel miserable because there is no way for you to win. Proverbs 11:1 declares that God detests deception in dealings with others. How can you deal honestly with others if you don’t first deal honestly with your own value?

It’s possible to think you accept yourself when you really don’t. It’s possible to live with the heavy burden of trying to be who you think God wants you to be. But that can be different than who God knows you to be.

Are you living with an uncomfortable tension of always pushing yourself to reach some ever-elusive goal? If so, you’re never going to reach self-acceptance.

Below are 6 questions to help you assess how close your presented self (how others see you) is to your ideal self (how you see you). Answer the first 3 questions to determine your ideal self and the second 3 questions to define how you feel obligated to act to fulfill life’s demands.

  1. The thing I like most about myself is…
  2. I’m at my best when I contribute…
  3. I feel most connected to God when I…
  4. Others appreciate me for…
  5. My job requires me to…
  6. I feel like a fish out of water when I…

Now, compare your answers between all the questions. How consistent (or inconsistent) are you? Bonus question: Who does God say you are?

Imagine what it will feel like if your ideal self and God’s ideal for you are the same. That’s self-acceptance.

Is self-acceptance clear to you? Are you amazed by God’s goodness that He created us to enjoy Him and enjoy who He made you to be? If not, what seems to be hindering your understanding?

Image by Janine Bolon from Pixabay

Are You Trying to Solve a Problem You Don’t Need to Solve?

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If you’re afraid, do you know what you’re really afraid of?

What is normal can go unnoticed. Thoughts on autopilot can go unaware. You’ve invested in understanding the confusion and sadness you’re going through, but you might not even realize yet that it isn’t helping.

You’ve dedicated your brain’s full computing power. But, hmmm. What if all your efforts are unnecessary? What if there is a simpler solution?

Life doesn't have to make sense for you to have peace. Your understanding of your life situation is probably missing important pieces. God has those missing pieces. Click To Tweet

Proverbs 3:5 says to “lean not on your own understanding.” But Proverbs 3:13 says to “get understanding.” At first, this might seem like a contradiction. But God is not saying to avoid all understanding. He is saying your understanding is incomplete and you’ll gain His understanding as (or perhaps after) you walk in faith. The understanding often comes in hindsight.

Most people have heard of the serenity prayer. Even if you know it, read it anyway because you might need to apply it again in a new, fresh way.

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Reinhold Niebuhr

That’s the short version. It continues:

Living one day at a time,
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardship as a pathway to peace;
taking, as Jesus did,
this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it;
trusting that You will make all things right
if I surrender to Your will;
so that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen.

Reinhold Niebuhr

There is a lot of wisdom there. Now, back to the beginning. What are you afraid of? What do you most need when you are overwhelmed? Are you trying to solve the right problem?

6 Steps for Everlasting Change

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Position yourself for Change

While there are no specific steps to take to change, there are specific steps to position yourself for optimal change.

1 – Know the Truth

There is a difference between knowing facts and experiencing the facts in a loving relationship with Christ. Knowing the facts does not change you. It is only head knowledge. But it is an important step. Before we open ourselves up to something, we need to know what we are opening ourselves up to.

2 – Remove Distractions

We live in a fallen world, so there are distractions that can block our ability to see and hear from Christ. So the next step in the process is to intentionally remove as many of these distractions as possible. Think in terms of all of your senses. Remove clutter that is visually displeasing. Remove noise. Remove smells. Remove temptations.

3 – Enter Rest

With negatives removed, add positives. Go to a scenic, peaceful place. Or, if this is not practicle, imagine a peaceful place where you feel safe. You might light a scented candle. You could put on some soothing music. Consider anything that helps you relax.

4 – Give Permission

You may now be ready physically, but not spiritually. Say a simple prayer to give Jesus permission to be present and share with you what He knows is needed. Search your heart – be prepared to share what you find there.

5 – Bring up your Feelings

Whatever you find in your heart, bring it to God through your feelings. Even if you have negative feelings about God – He wants to hear those too. Come as you are. If you do experience persistant anger or other negative feelings about God, make a note of these for a later time. Consider counseling to sort through these feelings.

6 – Wait and Listen

At this point, you have done all you can do, except to wait with anticipation. Believe God wants to speak to you. Again, if you do not believe this, make a note of it so you can dig deeper into why. It might help to remember step one. Think of some scriptures that affirms God accepts you and wants to speak to you. Come to God in faith believing these are true. Allow God to speak to you. What you start thinking about is likely not a coincidence. Trust God is directing your thoughts. Allow your mind and heart to be a blank canvas and give Jesus permission to write and draw on your heart.

Reflections

  1. What negative feelings or memories came up when you thought about God?
  2. How did God speak to you? Consider keep a prayer journal where you write out what God is saying to you.

Resources

Proverbs 3:3-6

3 “Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
bind them around your neck,
write them on the tablet of your heart.
4 Then you will win favor and a good name
in the sight of God and man.

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.”

Read on Bible Gateway

Psalm 40:1-5

“1 I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
and put their trust in him.

4 Blessed is the one
who trusts in the Lord,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods.
5 Many, Lord my God,
are the wonders you have done,
the things you planned for us.
None can compare with you;
were I to speak and tell of your deeds,
they would be too many to declare.”

Read on Bible Gateway

The Importance of Self-Care

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From Disease to Ease

How do you know when you are lacking in self-care? When you are in a state of Dis-Ease.

Consequences of Poor Self-Care

A major effect of poor self-care is losing awareness of what you are feeling, usually before it is too late. When you are tired, hungry, overly stressed out, or in bad physical shape, you may be more emotionally reactive. For example, think about a time when you were feeling overwhelmed with your circumstances. Was harder for you to manage your emotions? Did you snap at people who did not deserved it? Did you start crying for no apparent reason? Were you overly anxious and not sure why?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, then you likely were so disconnected from your feelings, that you reacted more strongly to a situation that warrented. This results in feeling confused by your display of emotion. Having poor self-care habits will interfere with responding to a situation in an appropriate manner.

The following is a partial list of symptoms to help you identify if you need better self-care:

  • Diminished concentration
  • Confusion
  • Questioning the meaning of life
  • Questioning prior convictions
  • Apathy
  • Rigidity
  • Self-doubt
  • Memory problems
  • Powerlessness – helplessness
  • Shutting down – numbness
  • Hypersensitivity
  • Sleep disturbances
  • Appetite changes
  • Negative coping (alcohol, drug, or other substance misuse)
  • Increased conflict
  • Difficulty breathing
  • Twitches
  • Chest pain
  • Headaches

Greater Awareness – The First Step to Better Self-Care

What is the opposite of self-care? Self-injury. We can harm ourselves by either staying in harms way (enduring abuse) or staying away from loving care (enduring neglect). Sometimes we don’t have a choice. We must complete a task – or – we are too young or weak to escape. How do we survive when faced with ongoing harm? If we must walk through harm’s way long enough, we will desensitize ourselves. We will ignore or forget about the pain and symptoms.

As adults we usually have a choice. Why do so many forgo self-care? It is simply a matter of priorities. We can say we are committed to our ideals, but our true priorities are revealed by what we do. There is a tradeoff between speed and efficiency, accomplishment and longevity. We can accomplish a lot more (in the moment) when we are disconnected from our feelings. But, long-term our bodies will deteriorate, and chances our, we will die sooner.

Better self-care starts with better awareness of our bodies. We’ve all been to the doctor for a check-up. When was the last time you did a self check-in? A check-in is simply sitting quietly to sense what is happening in your body and reconnect what has become disconnected. Ask yourself the following. What am I feeling in my body? Where am I feeling it? Why might I be feeling it this way? Consider these three areas:

  • Sleep: do I feel exhausted or rested and refreshed?
  • Food: do I feel weak and lethargic or strong and energetic?
  • Maintenance: am I in pain and carrying tension (disease) or am I relaxed and at ease?

Many people think of self-care as a luxury, when God intended us to always care for ourselves. Chronic denial of self-care is an indication of a deeper issue. At New Reflections Counseling, we provide a safe place for you to “tune-in” and understand what is happening. If you want help with self-care, contact us at New Reflections Counseling. If it is okay to go to the gym or doctor for physical health, then it is okay to go to a counselor for your emotional health.

Reflections

On an airplane, an oxygen mask descends in front of you. What do you do? As we all know, the first rule is to put on your own oxygen mask before you assist anyone else. Only when we first help ourselves can we effectively help others. Caring for yourself is one of the most important—and one of the most often forgotten—things you can do as a caregiver. When your needs are taken care of, the person you care for will benefit, too.

What is your oxygen mask? What will help you breath easier? What actions do you need to take for better health?

Resources

Luke 10:27
And he answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.”

Read the entire passage on Bible Gateway