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Bringing your Potential to Light

Counseling

Reach Your Potential By Framing Your Life

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Why do pictures have frames? A good frame enhances the picture by making sure it’s presented in the best possible way. The best frame will help a viewer see the picture at its fullest potential.

What frames your life? What do you use to make sense of it? If you don’t have anything in particular to guide you, there’s a better chance than not that you’ll adopt a pessimistic interpretation.

When I use the word pessimistic, I mean it in a relative sense. What you consider positive, might look negative when contrasted with God’s interpretation. God sees everything as it really is. Chances are, He sees you as much better than you see yourself.

Let’s look at the story of Lazarus as an example.

Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. Yet even now I know that God will do anything you ask.” Jesus told her, “Your brother will live again!” Martha answered, “I know that he will be raised to life on the last day, when all the dead are raised.” Jesus then said, “I am the one who raises the dead to life! Everyone who has faith in me will live, even if they die. And everyone who lives because of faith in me will never really die. Do you believe this?” “Yes, Lord!” she replied. “I believe that you are Christ, the Son of God. You are the one we hoped would come into the world.”

John 11:21-27 CEV

Martha knew enough about Jesus to know He can do great things and God will answer all He asks. But she assumed that Jesus was being positive only about the future, not the present.

Jesus could see more than Martha. He used His understanding to gently frame the situation for Martha. That’s the way it is for all of us. God sees more. He’ll probably always see more than we do. That’s why it’s good for us to believe Him and trust Him.

When Jesus saw that Mary and the people with her were crying, he was terribly upset and asked, “Where have you put his body?” They replied, “Lord, come and you will see.” Jesus started crying, and the people said, “See how much he loved Lazarus.”

John 11:33-35 CEV

Isn’t it amazing how much Jesus connects with the people in His life? He knows God. He knows He’s going to resurrect Lazarus. And, He’s so fully in tune with how Mary and Martha feel about their brother that He weeps with them.

Jesus looked up toward heaven and prayed, “Father, I thank you for answering my prayer. I know that you always answer my prayers. But I said this, so that the people here would believe that you sent me.” When Jesus had finished praying, he shouted, “Lazarus, come out!” The man who had been dead came out.

John 11:41-44 CEV

How about you? What do you have going on in your life that you’d like to share with Jesus? Tell Him your concerns. Tell Him how much faith you have in Him. Then, look for Jesus to frame your life in a way that goes beyond your expectations.

Frame your life in the best way you can. Give your life situation over to God. Ask Him to re-frame you. Be ready for a positive interpretation that exceeds your best interpretation. God loves you more than you realize.

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Push through fear like you would cross a scary bridge.

Push Through Fear and Find Hope

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A string of devastating disappointments can weaken you to the point you live in constant fear of the next disaster. Don’t give up. You can push through fear and find hope.

Job experienced multiple traumas. He suffered from the loss of his children, his finances, and his health. Though he was greatly distressed, he held on until God brought him relief.

In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.

Job 1:22 NIV

Just like Job, your mental attitude makes a difference. Do all you can to guard your heart against bitterness toward God. A healthy fear of God is good.

At any moment, you have the ability to choose a different path. With each decision you make, something changes. As long as something is changing, hope is alive.

If it seems like you are up against a wall with no way out, perhaps you are afraid of something. The enemy uses fear to distract you. When you are afraid, everything looks worse than it really is.

Here are two possible ways you can become immobilized by fear:

  1. You expect a change for the worse: You fear a change that will result in you being worse off than you are currently. You anticipate you will make a bigger mess of an already bad situation.
  2. You expect no positive change: You fear you’ll never be better off. You believe your dreams are unobtainable, your effort is futile, and change is impossible.

If nothing about you could ever change, fear would multiple quickly. You would become consumed with hopelessness. The more you feel trapped, the more you would panic. The more you panic, the more trapped you would feel.

Anxiety blocks creativity. The more anxious I am, the less I have access to the part of me that can find solutions. I can’t make a good decision when I am anxious. When my ability to change my thinking becomes inaccessible, I become confused, paralyzed, and unable to move forward.

Don’t give up. Push through fear like you would cross a scary bridge. You can use these 3 strategies to bridge your way to hope:

Use the Gospel to Push Through Fear

You were once dead in your sin, but now you are a new creation. You are forgiven and capable of becoming more like Christ. You can change because God is empowering you. This is the ultimate hope all believers have.

The kind of change I’m talking about is the kind that matters most. The priceless kind. Would you rather have an easy life or the strength and peace to endure a hard life?

The hope of the Gospel is more than enough to calm my fears.

Use Your Identity to Push Through Fear

All positive, significant change is a decision to embrace more of who God made you to be. Circumstances can change for better or worse. But your identity is fixed. And this is good because it’s easier to hit a fixed target than one that moves all the time.

As you accept and move toward your true identity, you’ll gain the power to also accept your circumstances.

If you’re believing lies about yourself, you are opening yourself to evil. Walk away from abusive situations. I don’t mean give up on loving others. Instead, I mean improve your self-worth by actively refuting lies with the truth.

Use Momentum to Push Through Fear

The smallest change can result in unstoppable momentum. There’s always hope when there’s something you can change. If you can make a change in what you’re doing or saying, then something must be different inside of you.

God takes no pleasure in seeing you beat yourself up or put yourself down. When something terrible happens, it has nothing to do with who you are. Remember Job? He lost so much, but that didn’t change who he was to God.

Can you decide to take better care of yourself? Relax and allow yourself to find the greater separation between who your circumstance says you are and who God says you are.

Always hold on to hope because you can make a change. If the change you want seems too big, then start smaller. Even a small change can lead to big hope. Do something different. Take a walk instead of sitting inside all day. Veg out instead of doing laundry all day. Do something to enjoy the moment you have right now.

To push through fear and choose peace despite your circumstances, you will need to pray.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Philippians 4:6-8 NIV

To explore this idea further see Ephesians 2:1-5, Proverbs 13:12, and see my post on Quora.
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Journaling Keeps Your Heart Healthy

Journaling Keeps Your Heart Healthy

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Journaling can help set you free from the evil that seeks to poison your heart. A heart that strains to pump blood isn’t healthy. Likewise, failure to express the emotions that weigh on your heart also weakens your heart.

Have you ever been so confined that you felt like you were suffocating? If you stuff your feelings, that’s a panic attack waiting to happen. What can help you breathe again? Writing can help you to restore your mental and emotional health.

When I was a young child, maybe 4 years old, my parents had a nightstand with sliding front doors. I liked crawling inside this fortress and enjoying the safety of the enclosed space.

On one particular day, after I had grown some more, I wanted to visit this fort again. I remembered it being fun, but there wasn’t much room left for me to fit inside. I squeezed in anyway.

Once inside, every part of my body pressed against the outer walls, the floor, the ceiling, and even the door. I could barely slide the last door shut. And as soon as I did, I started to panic. I felt so cramped I believed I wasn’t going to be able to get out. I started to breathe faster and all I could feel was my hot breath. As much as I wanted to enjoy the experience, I was desperate to get out.

That must be what claustrophobia feels like. Or what a baby about to be born experiences.

The doors didn’t shut tight, but I had to work to pull back from one of them so I could slide it open. After I inched the door open enough, I banged around to force myself into the opening. Fresh cool air entered my lungs.

I was once small enough to fit inside comfortably. But after that experience, I never went inside again. I went in voluntarily, but sometimes life can have a way of forcing you back into too small a place – a place you don’t fit or belong.

People Can Restrict Your Heart

Sometimes your own choices restrict your heart. Sometimes other people confine your heart. Either way injures your heart.

Goliath, an enemy of God’s people, blocked God’s desire for His people. No one in King Saul’s army wanted to fight him. David was willing but without any battle armor. Saul offered his armor, but it severely restricted David’s movement. David didn’t need Saul’s armor to fight Goliath. Instead, he fought Goliath in the name of the living God (1 Samuel 17:38-40).

Well-intentioned people can box you in. They’re trying to help, but they don’t recognize who you are. They want to help, but their help only weighs you down even more.

Other people aren’t so well-intentioned. They have a destructive agenda for your life. They use and abuse you (sometimes literally) if you give them the opportunity. They take what they want for their own gain. The more you let them take, the more they will take.

Your enemy the devil shows mercy to no one. He wants nothing more than to restrict all people from knowing Jesus and living a fulfilled life.

Journaling Helps Free Your Heart From Emotional Restrictions

You can use writing to throw off restrictions that aren’t a part of who God made you to be. Writing in your journal can lead you to freedom. You can be free of the unnatural confines of your encounters with evil.

Evil wants to bind you up, twist and contort you until you look nothing like yourself. Evil wants to confine you to a box smaller than you are. You can effectively forget who you are. Or, the restrictive environment prevents you from knowing who you really are.

Journaling can help you find who you are. But if you want it to work, you have to go about it a certain way. Hold on a second. I’m not trying to box you in.

The best way to journal is your way. Your best behaviors will derive from who God says you are. Your heart contains the riches of your God-given identity. That’s why God says to guard your heart.

Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.

Proverbs 4:23

But a stopped-up well isn’t healthy. To heal, try expressing who you are on your journal pages. You can’t become well using someone else’s words. It’s worth the effort to find your voice.

Sure, you can experiment with other’s styles. You can start by imitating others, but eventually, you must put your story into your words in the way only you can express them. Maybe you won’t even have words at first. Maybe some scribbles, doodles, or diagrams will help you unlock who you really are.

When you stare at a blank page and you’re not sure what to write, that could be because you’re trying to write right instead of write true. What you put on the page at first might not best represent you, but it’s a start. That desire to be authentic counts. It counts a lot.

If you’re ready, take a moment to pray. Tell God you want to make contact with the real you. God help me unbox my life. Help me unplug the wellspring of my heart.

A boxed-up life can be painful to open up. A stopped-up heart needs to release some poison before the pure water starts flowing. The pain you’re experiencing points to the real you hidden beneath the hurtful experiences. In other words, you hurt because there’s a real person in there somewhere. You can write to find that person.

The pain isn’t the problem. Pain is part of the solution to help you find your way out of the darkness and out of the lies you believe about yourself.

What’s in your heart? Take time now to look inside and write about what comes up from the deep. Unbox your heart for the glory of God.

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Transforming Panic into Peace

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Would you rather panic for no reason or face your known, but shameful experiences? If you refuse to face your experiences, you will probably end up with increasing anxiety. But if you choose to face your negative experiences, you can transform them into God moments.

When you push specific emotions out of your awareness, they will eventually resurface as some unnamed but equally uncomfortable emotion. You might experience some relief if you don’t have to name the feeling. But unnamed feelings only increase in intensity until you deal with them. The feelings associated with negative experiences are like an undetected virus that moves freely through your body.

Chances are, when you don’t have the stomach to face the reality of what you have been through, you will avoid naming and claiming your emotions. Who would want to remember being beat up at school, being sexually assaulted, or being yelled at by parents?

Trauma disorganizes and it takes significant effort to restore order. Facing the sickening emotions can drain most of your reserves. But that effort produces healing.

God designed you to respond to the difficulties of life. Whether you like it or not, God made you able to feel the pain of your negative experiences. God declares a law of reaping and sowing (Galatians 6:7-8). You’ll reap what others sow if you are powerless to step out of harm’s way.

You can't control what happened to you, but you can control how you respond. The longer you avoid dealing with emotional unrest, the more time you give it to establish a stronghold of chaos. Click To Tweet

Has the chaos within become normal to you? Have you forgotten or never known what peace feels like?

During the first few years after I became a Christian, I journaled almost every day. Becoming a Christian enabled me to look back at my first twenty years and realize how much I didn’t understand. I processed through my experiences with new insight. As I connected life events, I also connected with emotions that I didn’t know I had.

Becoming a Christian felt like waking up from a bad dream. I was thankful I wasn’t stuck in the former reality. But at the same time, I had to face the reality of all I had experienced.

Today, I don’t need to process the distant past as frequently, but I’m always learning something new and working to have it make sense with my personal history.

This kind of processing is like decompressing after a long day. What would happen if I didn’t take the time to express everything? What do you call energy that is building up in a closed system? A bomb!

Do you realize when you hold in emotions that God intended you to release, you create a ticking time bomb? The pressure starts building and a date with destiny is set. When time runs out and the bomb goes off, there will be personal and collateral damage.

There are only so many ways you can manage uncomfortable emotions. You can Numb Out, Burn Out, or Ride Out.

Numb Out

Numbing out means you shut down your emotions. You cut the power; you trip the circuit breaker. Your brain circuits are overloaded and you are fortunate your automatic shut down is working.

This averts the immediate disaster. You dodge the bullet; you avoid feeling the crushing weight of what happened. You gain some immediate relief, but also more than you bargain for: some long-term problems.

Burn Out

In the midst of re-experiencing an overwhelming event, you are unable to find the automatic off switch. The intensity of your emotions continues to grow. The pain and panic become so unbearable that you must look for a way to force the shut down.

You might start cutting yourself. Or drinking a lot. Or end up in the emergency room because you think you’re having a heart attack.

Ride Out

You endure the waves of painful emotion without going in critical overload. If you’ve been through trauma, this is easier said than done. But it’s possible.

Riding out is a commitment to re-engaging your emotions while learning how to manage them so they don’t create a new trauma. When you can’t manage this without going critical, that’s when you need support.

What happens when a newborn baby cries? The baby is expressing discomfort about a situation that she can’t control. She is hungry, has a messy diaper, or needs sleep.

God didn’t provide newborns with the brain wiring to self-sooth. If no one addresses the problem and no one soothes her, she must eventually choose to Numb Out.

Because of the severity of the trauma you’ve been through, you could be in a situation like the newborn. You don’t have enough practice to calm yourself down, so you need to borrow the support of others. You need a surrogate mom to help you soothe.

With the right amount of support, the energy from the waves of emotion will die down eventually. With the tension gone, you experience peace instead of panic.

Choosing to Ride Out by facing dreaded emotions is an act of bravery. Remember, you reap what you sow. If you confront your past, you can move beyond it.

How much time do you spend in Numb Out, Burn Out, or Ride Out? Why is that?

What questions do you have about facing unpleasant emotions?

Are you ready to gain more peace? Tell God you are ready to face and then embrace your emotional pain. Ask Him for insight into your suffering. Allow Him to guide you on the journey to greater emotional wholeness.

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God is Making You Whole

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What might you have in common with Spider-Man’s enemy, Sandman? Sandman had a broken heart and then through a freak accident, his body became broken too. If you haven’t seen Spider-Man 3 from 2007, catch a clip showing the birth of Sandman if it is still available.

Watching Sandman pull himself together will tug at your heart. He is sad and beat down by the difficulties of life. But sitting in the pieces of his life, he becomes aware of his reason to live.

When you have a mess of challenges to overcome, life can feel sad and slow. You might be saying to yourself, life can’t get any worse. But then it does.

You might feel like you're falling apart. Don't give up. God is making you whole. There is a power at work within the members of your body. Click To Tweet

and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places,

Ephesian 1:19-20

Life has a way of pulling you apart at the seams. However, even if you feel completely disintegrated, God is always working to make you new. You don’t have to pull yourself together, although, you have no choice but to wait as God stitches you together.

Even when you feel weak and are spread thin, God’s power is at work. God knows where every part is. He is pulling you together with His great might.

When is God going to do this in your life? He’s doing it now. The first step to wholeness is to take inventory of how you feel spread into little pieces. You must feel the pieces

In what ways is your life in pieces? Visualize this.

Now, see the pieces coming together. What do you see?

No matter how broken you started, or how excruciatingly slow it seems God is working, God is making you whole. You are valuable to God and by His presence you are whole.

Christ is risen! And if you died with Him, so shall you also be raised with Him (Romans 6:5).

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3 Steps to Overcoming Shame

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Shame is the inability to tolerate being known.

Before you can share yourself with others, you must first be willing to know yourself.

There’s no end to being known. Every day is new. Every day brings more ways you can know and be known.

Being willing to be known is a discipline. Sometimes the cost of being known isn’t worth the reward. Hiding seems better than facing the humiliation of being known. There are times when you won’t be ready for the exposure. That’s okay temporarily.

The more you hide, the more you remain hidden even from yourself. It’s not that you’ve forgotten who you are, but more like you’ve never given yourself a chance to understand who you are.

But hiding in shame isn’t really an option for the Christian. God won’t let you hide forever. You are salt and light (Matthew 5:13-16). He calls each one of us out of hiding and into a relationship with Him, others, and our self.

The antidote to shame is being authentic. I have three practical steps you can take to practice the discipline of being known. Each step has an element of taking in (receiving) and an element of letting go (expressing).

Step 1: Study and Journal

If you struggle to tolerate being known, the least risky way to begin is keeping a private journal. Make time to write consistently. As you journal and reread your writing, you begin to see yourself from an outside perspective.

What should you write about? Read the Bible and other helpful materials that teach you who you are. Then write about what the truths stir up in your heart.

Step 2: Confide in One Person

Choose a trusted person and begin to share verbally. Practice putting into words what you’re feeling inside, entrusting your private life to another. Receive their acceptance and care.

Remember that God is a person too. Pay attention to how He speaks to you whether directly or indirectly through others.

Step 3: Share Publically and Discriminantly

Now transition to sharing with everyone you know. This doesn’t mean being an open book to everyone. Healthy people discriminate how much they share to each person. However, as you heal, you should be able to share more freely with more people.

The more you know the truth about yourself, the more you’ll know how you can contribute to others. You don’t always have to receive; eventually, you’ll know what you can give back.

Shame is difficult to overcome. It’s easy to fear the unknown. And it’s ten times harder when that unknown is you.

Where are you on your journey to overcoming shame?