Christian Concepts

Bringing your Potential to Light

self-worth

Why Rejection Means You Belong

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Reading time: 2 minutes

If you’re excluded from one group, you automatically belong to another.

If someone hates you, then someone else loves you.

If you’re forgotten by one person, you’re remembered by another.

If someone goes out of their way to reject you, that means you’re significant.

How can these statements be true?

Belonging is conserved. You can’t unbelong yourself from everyone else that exists or has ever existed.

You have a built-in community. You have an identity made in God’s image which means you’re somebody even when you feel like a nobody.

Recognize When Rejection is Good

When you reject yourself, you deceive yourself. This is temporary rejection (God accepts you, man rejects you, and you reject you).

If you reject God and God rejects you, you’ve lost everything. This is bad rejection (God rejects you, man might reject you, and you reject you).

If you’re rejected by the people that reject God, then you belong with God. When you’re enemy rejects you, you only gain. This is good rejection (God accepts you, man rejects you, but you accept you).

The Lord is on my side; I will not fear.
What can man do to me?

The Lord is on my side as my helper;
I shall look in triumph on those who hate me.

It is better to take refuge in the Lord
than to trust in man.

The stone that the builders rejected
has become the cornerstone.

-Psalm 118:6-8, 22

Jesus, the cornerstone, had a lot to say about belonging and rejection.

The one who hears you hears me, and the one who rejects you rejects me, and the one who rejects me rejects him who sent me.

-Luke 10:16

Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters.

-Luke 11:23

For the one who is not against us is for us.
-Mark 9:40

Turn Your Rejection Into Belonging

The less you know yourself, the more rejection stings because you need others to help you learn how to accept yourself.

Think about the worst rejection you’ve ever had to face. Perhaps you craved the attention of so-and-so, but they poured contempt on you. Or you trusted so-and-so and they betrayed you. That’s the worst feeling ever.

What happens when you’re rejected? You just figured out where you don’t belong, which means you also found where you do belong.

Review times of rejection and allow these experiences to strengthen the sense of who you are. For example, so-and-so tells you they no longer want to date you because you’re too quiet. You belong with the people that appreciate you being soft-spoken.

Experiencing God

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Experiencing God Meeting Your Needs

God made us to have needs. How do you respond when God appears out of reach? It cuts to the core. It’s easy to respond negatively. What’s really going on here?

The Fox and the Grapes

A famished fox saw a cluster of ripe grapes hanging from a trellised vine. She resorted to all her tricks to get at them, but wearied herself in vain, for she could not reach them. At last she turned away, hiding her disappointment and saying: “The Grapes are sour, and not ripe as I thought.”

Wanting Something But Cannot Get It

Has this ever happened to you? You want something, but you cannot get it, and so you despise it? It is easy to despise what you cannot get. Then there is cognitive dissonance – wanting something, but not wanting it. What is cognitive dissonance? It’s a tension. When we are frustrated it is tempting to take an easy way out. It is the place where you reach where you hold seemingly contradictory thoughts at the same time. It is a place of confusion – uncertainty. When you find yourself frozen in your tracks and unable to make a decision, you might be experiencing C.D. Why else would you feel that way? That’s got to be tough – to want something so badly, but realize it’s beyond your grasp. The easy way out is to pretend you never needed in the first place.

More than Grapes

This applies to dating, and a whole lot of other things too. It applies to our hopes and dreams. It applies to our efforts. It applies to our self-worth. How? When we want something, but cannot attain it, it is certainly frustrating! Frustration combined with some unhealthy thinking leads to turning the frustration inward – taking it out on yourself. And wah-la — you are not just despising what you cannot get, you are despising yourself because you cannot get what you want. “I guess I didn’t deserve that anyway” or “I guess God doesn’t want me to have that” or “That must have been a bad thing for me because God isn’t allowing me to have it” “The grapes are sour anyway – I know it”.

Alternatives to Sour Grapes

Are there alternatives? You can get a ladder. Get some help! Are the grapes worth getting or not? Is the land flowing with milk and honey worth it or not? Or “is the land full of giants?” The land is spoiled. Unattainable. God won’t be with us. He doesn’t want the best for us. We are like grasshoppers. We can’t do it. I didn’t want it anyway. I am not worthy of such good grapes. I’ll take the sure bet – what I can achieve on my own.

What else can you do? You can look for lower hanging grapes. The grapes aren’t sour, they are presently out of reach. You can get them eventually. Don’t give up. Be patient. Be persistant. Be determined. Buy time. Don’t take your eye off the prize.

Reflections

Ask yourself – how does the fox feel about himself when he cannot get he grapes? Can he feel very good if he “curses” the grapes? What are the grapes in your life? Would you like some help to reach your grapes? I love helping people reach their grapes through focused determination and insights that help them see themselves as God sees them, and help people see God as he really is – a grape provider. Or, as we are sheep, God is a grass provider.

Resources

Numbers 13:32-33

And they spread among the Israelites a bad report about the land they had explored. They said, “The land we explored devours those living in it. All the people we saw there are of great size. We saw the Nephilim there (the descendants of Anak come from the Nephilim). We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and we looked the same to them.

Read on Bible Gateway

Psalm 23:1

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.

Read on Bible Gateway

Cognitive Dissonance

Cognitive dissonance is an uncomfortable feeling caused by holding conflicting ideas simultaneously. The theory of cognitive dissonance proposes that people have a motivational drive to reduce dissonance. They do this by changing their attitudes, beliefs, and actions. Dissonance is also reduced by justifying, blaming, and denying.

Experience can clash with expectations, as, for example, with buyer’s remorse following the purchase of an expensive item. In a state of dissonance, people may feel surprise, dread, guilt, anger, or embarrassment. People are biased to think of their choices as correct, despite any contrary evidence. This bias gives dissonance theory its predictive power, shedding light on otherwise puzzling irrational and destructive behavior.

Read more on wikipedia

All Things New

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A traumatic event is not easily forgotten. As you begin this new year, what is one thing you’d like to forget?

If you’re in a car accident, your car doesn’t fix itself. If your tooth develops a cavity, the decay needs to be removed. When something breaks, you must decide what to do with it. Can it be restored? Is there hope, or are you better off cutting your losses?

If nothing will ever change, then hope will be impossible. Then all that remains is suffering.

God introduces the needed change.

I am creating something new. There it is! Do you see it?

I have put roads in deserts, streams in thirsty lands.

Isaiah 43:19 CEV

Because God is making us anew, hope is inevitable. You can change. You don’t have to remain stuck and hopeless. God is rehabilitating you. God wants you to feel hopeful.

Anyone who belongs to Christ is a new person. The past is forgotten, and everything is new.

2 Corinthians 5:17 CEV

Forget what happened long ago! Don’t think about the past.

Isaiah 43:18 CEV

The more you can leave behind your past, the better you will be. “Leave behind” is a loaded phrase. It takes significant emotional work to leave behind difficult experiences (memories).

Therefore, to move forward, you first need to move backward. If your carpet is dirty and worn, you need to rip it out before you can install new carpet.

Grieving is the work of leaving behind. Once that raggedy carpet is gone, you can forget about it. But you don’t want to completely forget about it, otherwise, you’ll be more likely to repeat an accident (like spilling grape juice).

Grieving allows you to remember the lesson, but forget about the discomfort and shame. Forget about it. Don’t worry about it. You are free. Once you are free, you are open to all that God has for you.

What is one new thing you want God to do in your life this year?

God Will Deliver You From Failure

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How often do you feel discouraged by some kind of failure? If you think you’ve failed, you might say something like:

  • I really messed up this time.
  • There’s no hope for me now.
  • I can’t believe I did that.
  • I can’t be forgiven for that.
  • That was my last chance.
  • My best wasn’t good enough.
  • God is going to send me to hell.
  • I’ll never recover from this.
  • There’s no use trying again.

To believe any of these statements, you must be deceived. Every one of them has something false about it.

A worldly definition of failure has four parts:

  1. You did something.
  2. You weren’t supposed to do it.
  3. You can’t undo it.
  4. You are therefore perpetually caught in shame.

In fact, what makes failure so hideous is not so much the first three, but that last one. The lingering feelings of self-condemnation and self-loathing are unbearable and there appears to be no escape from them.

Sin is probably the best definition of failure. It completely misses what God wants for your life. Without God, you are defective because of sin. But God has stripped sin of its power. So it does not have a significant lasting effect.

Let’s reconsider the definition of failure, but include God this time. A worst-case definition of failure considers it to be only a temporary set-back.

Failure implies some kind of ending. But because God is an eternal being, endings do not exist for Him. Any moment in time is not the final word on your situation.

Failure implies some kind of hopelessness. But God is an endless supply of hope. Nothing can defeat God. Nothing can defeat God’s plans. Nothing can defeat God’s people. Nothing can defeat you.

You can always learn from your experience, even if it seems like an abysmal failure. God is ready to give you another chance. You can start again in a stronger position.

I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.

Psalm 34:4-7 NIV

So you can see that you will have trouble, but God will deliver you from the trouble. He will deliver you from evil. He will even deliver you from failure.

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How To Know When To Say No

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You might be more of a people pleaser than you realize. When you are presented with a decision, how often do you discount your opinion with something like, “I can go either way” or “It doesn’t matter to me; you pick”? Or, maybe you disregard your opinion with a “Yes” without considering what you want.

Certainly, there will be times when you are indifferent. Even during these times, it’s nearly always a good idea to know what you want, even if you give up what you want for someone else.

A quick response of indifference might involve the least amount of effort, but it can cost you significantly more later on. Instead, what if you invested the time to know what you want?

The less you know yourself, the harder it is to give a clear, direct answer to even a simple question. When you know yourself well, your answer will be second nature.

You might be wondering, “How do I get to know myself?” There are two main approaches to strengthening your self-image. You can remain reactive or go proactive.

  1. In reactive mode, you stumble through life and only give consideration to your ways when it becomes absolutely required of you (if ever).
  2. In proactive mode, you consider your ways every chance you get. You explore your past and use what you learn to better your future. You take advantage of the fact that God gives you truth about life, including details about who you are.

A step in-between the two modes is trial and error. You essentially try something blindly. Then perhaps as an afterthought, you evaluate the outcome. It’s not completely reactive or proactive.

The superior approach is having an awareness of who you are. Then during any given moment, you can proactively choose how to act based on what you know about yourself. God wants you to live a self-examined life (see Haggai 1).

Essential to every approach is what you do with your experiences. God gives you a process to discover your identity (who you are as defined by God). The goal is to increase the awareness of your identity so that decisions become easier over time.

If you have trouble people-pleasing or making good decisions, that’s usually because you don’t know yourself well enough. Learning who you are can occur “on accident,” but knowing yourself will take much longer that way.

Instead, take the time to evaluate your experiences and weed out the lies that are growing in the garden of your self-image. With the clutter of lies cleared away, you’ll know more clearly whether you want to say yes or no.

For example: if you don’t know who you are very well, then you might end up with an over-booked schedule. You’ll wonder why you are tired and irritable. If you continue to ignore your God-given identity, you’ll assume you are doing what God wants you to be doing because you are serving others.

In contrast, with healthy boundaries that come from a healthy identity, you’ll be confident about where to draw the line. You can say yes to some activities and no to others without feeling guilty or overwhelmed.

Some things God requires of you. You should feel motivated to do right and not wrong. But actually, most things are up to you. God loves a cheerful giver (2 Corinthians 9:7). You can decide to go for a walk or stay home. You can decide to visit a friend or be by yourself. For these decisions, you must trust that God gives you enough intelligence to choose.

You can know what to choose by determining what level of self-care you need at any given moment. Then weigh that against the needs of others around you.

You might be surprised at your preferences when you discover them, but they are never a surprise to God. God knows what you will choose before you choose it. Trust that God gave you a built-in preference system–that’s your identity.

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Act With Authority As You Live By The Spirit

Act With Authority As You Live By The Spirit

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Authority implies both confidence and the power to back it up. How often do you feel confident enough to act with God’s power? If you’re like me, you can never have too many reminders that God is on your side empowering you accomplish His will.

God wants us to act with authority when we are in alignment with His desires.

Act With Authority: Prioritize God’s Kingdom

If God wants something to happen, He can supply all you need to accomplish it. God knows what is most important in life. It’s those most important tasks that will ultimately bring the most joy by fulfilling them.

Sometimes, it’s hard to see what tasks are kingdom-focused. There are so many distractions and possibilities for how to live. The verse below starts with “seek.” Other words for seek are: pursue, explore, investigate, follow. That would imply that out understanding of God’s kingdom isn’t complete.

God also wants us to pursue what is right and reasonable. Believers have the mind of Christ, so we have some idea of what to pursue. Walking in the Spirit and being connect with God’s mind provides all we need to act with authority.

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

Matthew 6:33 NLT

Act With Authority: Don’t Worry

If you want something more than God thinks you need it, then you’ll end up carrying the burden for claiming it.

If you and Jesus are yoked together pulling a great weight, the effort required will be burdensome or manageable depending upon who is more eager to pull the weight.

If you are in a place of submission by letting Jesus lead, He will do most of the heavy lifting. But if in your impatience, you want to move faster than Jesus, you will feel the strain on your shoulders.

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30 NLT

Act With Authority: Work Hard

Allowing God to lead doesn’t mean there is nothing left for you to do. God wants us to labor with all we have.

God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another. Do you have the gift of speaking? Then speak as though God himself were speaking through you. Do you have the gift of helping others? Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then everything you do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ. All glory and power to him forever and ever! Amen.

Ephesians 4:10-11 NLT

Therefore, we should develop a sophisticated believe system that allows for a complex application of God’s truth. We can both be dependent upon God’s strength and fully exercise our own strength. Both require faith because our strength can’t compare to God’s. But God wants us to participate with Him in the pursuit of His kingdom.

As you go about your days ahead, exercise your faith by seeking God’s kingdom. Put into practice all that you’ve learned from the Bible, the Spirt, and other believers. While you do this, be aware of God’s strength working in your life.

I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead

Ephesians 1:18-20 NIV

Grow Your Desire To Advance God’s Kingdom
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