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Is Control Healthy or Unhealthy?

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Reading time: 3 minutes

Do you think of control as a positive or negative? Your answer probably depends on who is in control. Is it you, someone else, or God?

All else equal I’d prefer to be in control. But I’m probably better off when I trust God because He is both good and in control.

When Control is Unhealthy

There are many different ways control plays out in our lives. Are you in-control, out-of-control, God-controlled, or self-controlled? Any of these could be positive or negative, depending on the perspective you choose.

Control is unhealthy when you force or manipulate from a place of fear. Relying on your own ingenuity apart from God doesn’t usually work well. Doubting God but acting anyway didn’t turn out well for Moses (Numbers 20:10-13).

This kind of control is unhealthy in at least these two situations:

  1. When you hold onto something too hard
  2. When you hold onto something too long

Holding Too Hard

Some things in life are delicate. A death grip doesn’t work. If you turn to something or someone in desperation, you might cling too quickly or too intensely. Your relationship with God or others will probably suffer.

Don’t make anything, including your own way of doing things, more important than God intended. Using food, alcohol, sex, grades, status, money, people – anything really – beyond God’s intended use is destructive. You might harm the thing, the other person, or yourself.

Holding Too Long

Some things in life are temporary. A permanent grip doesn’t work. Some things you can’t control; you have to let them go. You can try to force something temporary to be permanent, but that’s probably going to destroy it. You’ll suffer a loss either way.

You have to know when to cut your losses. Accept what you’ve already lost. Move forward to the next good thing to come into your life. Recognize the good things you already have.

When Control is Healthy

God is in control, so control can’t be all bad. Control is healthy when motivation to act comes from love and faith.

There are certainly situations when a lack of control is unhealthy. Control in this context is acting when it is the right thing to do. Passivity would be sinful (James 4:17). Control is healthy in at least these two situations:

  1. When you act like God
  2. When you cling to what is good

Act Like God

Some things in life are forever. Protect what is valuable. Step into the situation and be responsible. Have the discipline (self-control) to do what is right. Self-control is the same as letting God be in control and aligning yourself with what He wants (Ephesians 5:1-2).

When God’s Spirit is in control, the law doesn’t apply.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Galatians 5:22-23 NIV

Cling to What is Good

Some things in life are worthy. A wimpy grip doesn’t do them justice. Pursue and lay hold of whatever is good. Consider for example: wisdom, a wife, and a mature faith (Proverbs 4:7; 18:22, Philippians 3:12).

Your faith is valuable; don’t trade it for anything. To increase healthy control you must also decrease unhealthy control.

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

Romans 12:9 NIV

Control can be understood as either right action or wrong action. The next time you have the opportunity to act, check yourself: Am I acting in love and faith? Is what I’m about to do helpful or harmful?

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Why Does God Allow Bad Things to Happen?

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Reading time: 5 minutes

Can you trust God when bad things happen?

Why God allows evil is an important question. But a better question is: What attitude should I have when I encounter evil? I love Habakkuk’s attitude. Despite what is happening, he expresses an unwavering faith in God.

Though the fig tree should not blossom,
    nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
    and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
    and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord;
    I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
God, the Lord, is my strength;
    he makes my feet like the deer’s;
    he makes me tread on my high places.

Habakkuk 3:17-19

There is a lot of disturbing happenings going on in our world right now. Following are my thoughts on how to hold onto faith when bad things happen.

Even for those of us not directly affected by the recent Dayton / El Paso / Gilroy shootings, we all may feel anxious. How can I cope with feeling like this is going to happen to me?

From a faith perspective, ultimately God is in control. There is little we can control (apart from having God’s help). Someone could play it completely safe by staying home, but then their house could catch fire. Difficult and even horrible events can and will happen. We cope by trusting in God’s long-term plan. A near-sighted look at a tragedy will bring anxiety and despair because in the short-term our lives are fragile.

What are the best strategies for coping? Should I turn off the news?

If someone is easily upset by the news and would become desperate then yes, they shouldn’t watch it until they can better put it into perspective. The chances of dying in a tragedy are minimal. Life is short. Do we want to spend it worrying about what might happen? If we do, this probably reveals that we place too much importance on what happens in this life.

Productive coping will move someone to positive action, not leave them trapped in anxiety or despair. Coping is always a temporary measure until the solution is available.

How can Christians make sense of senseless violence? Why would God let this happen? What comfort can you offer me?

To fully cope with evil requires a worldview shift. Jesus said to expect violence and difficulties. Even though it is heartbreaking, we shouldn’t be surprised. Evil exists. People can be easily influenced by evil. There is a reason to despair (without God). Life is difficult because everyone suffers to some degree and everyone dies in the end.

In the biggest picture, senseless violence is a wake-up call that life is short. Place your hope in God and the next life He has prepared for those who believe. Until someone reaches a saving faith in Jesus Christ, they are spiritually dead or perhaps I could say asleep. Without a wake up call, no one would seek God.

God allows evil to show the profound contrast between good and evil. In times of senseless violence, choosing goodness, choosing God should be easier. I don’t see a third option. The person who lives a cushy life unaffected by difficulty won’t see the real danger coming. A person dying of cancer needs to know their diagnosis. The comfort I can offer is that God says He will make everything right eventually. In the next life, we won’t have to deal with evil and suffering. But for now we need to realize, “the world is dying of a cancer.”

One step towards healing/coping is to try to find meaning. SandyHook parents advocate for gun control. Survivors may say “I want to be part of the solution to prevent/change what’s at the root of the problem that led to violence.” Will finding meaning like this help me heal?

Even though our ultimate hope must be in God and the next life, God leaves us here to govern the world. We should do that well with all goodness. We should do all we can to push back evil. But the evil we need to be concerned with first is spiritual not physical. People who participate in a mass killing must of course be stopped and they must face consequences for their actions. However, the ultimate problem is a spiritual one. Finding the maximum meaning in this life is still less than the least meaning you can find in the next life.

People need spiritual renewal, hope and truth more than they need gun control. To the degree people are well on the inside (mentally and spiritually), the chance of them aligning with an evil agenda is minimized. Gun control that takes guns out of the hands of people who are suicidal or homicidal is good. But if that’s all we do, we will only have a false sense of security. Evil will find another way as we learned with 911.

True security only comes by a genuine faith in Jesus Christ. Even though I’m a Christian, I still struggle at times with anxiety or depression, but it doesn’t balloon out of control because I know that God is good and He will make everything right one day soon.

I talk about the idea of good and evil and how knowing your true God-given identity is the antidote to anxiety and despair in my book, To Identity and Beyond.

Image by Foto-Rabe from Pixabay

Where Does Joy Come From?

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Reading time: 2 minutes

If you want to find something, where do you start looking?

If you’re hungry for strawberries, where do you get them? Strawberries don’t grow on apple trees. So there’s not much point in looking up a tree.

Where does joy come from? Joy is a fruit of the spirit.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Galatians 5:22-23 NIV

Joy is spiritual. Joy is other-worldly. Joy can be difficult to grasp. It’s not logical when viewed from the present moment. Joy becomes elusive when you look for it in the circumstances of your life.

But joy is logical when you look beyond the present moment. Real joy is rooted in a reality beyond what you see everyday. Joy comes from a truth greater than any fact of your present day life. That’s the only way you can suffer and be joyful at the same time.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.

James 1:2-3 NIV

Joy isn’t possible without faith. Faith sees beyond the physical to the spiritual reality.

Joy results from trials because the trials reveal the “too good to be true even though it is true” reality beyond the so-so reality of everyday life. Joy is always possible because it’s based on the absolute truth of God’s kingdom.

And he said to him, “Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise.”

Luke 23:43 ESV

No matter what is happening to you today, a paradise awaits you someday in the future. But don’t end your life prematurely to reach paradise.

While you’re still alive, God has a purpose for you. It’s okay to borrow joy from your heavenly future. In fact, that’s the only way to do it. God’s Spirit makes the heavenly reality known to you today.

Enjoy!

Photo by Stridsberg Carl form PxHere

Your Perception is Your Reality

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Reading time: 4 minutes

You’re swimming in the ocean. The sky is clear and blue. The sun is warm and bright. You see dozens of people playing in the water and countless more on the beach.

Your friends are near you. You’re talking about where you want to eat tonight. You’re relaxed and peaceful, except for your churning legs keeping you afloat.

The water is up to your neck. As far as you know, all is well. Except you don’t know what is lurking below the surface. Have you ever seen the movie, Jaws?

I chose this scene, not to discourage you from swimming, but to help you see the contrast between your awareness and ignorance at any given moment. Do you know what is lurking beneath the surface of your life?

Are you missing out on sunken treasure or are you about to be blindsided? When you consider only what is above the surface, you have an incomplete picture at best, and a false peace at worst.

God Has More for You

Your perception is your reality but it’s probably not God’s reality. God sees all; you see a little. God has more for you but you won’t be able to receive more than you’re capable of comprehending.

What you’re able to perceive is limited by your internal reality. You’re limited because you can’t yet see or accept the reality beyond your perception. You can’t accept more for one of the following reasons:

  1. You lack awareness or maturity.
  2. You lack faith or belief.
  3. You’re stuck in denial.

To remedy your blindness, something needs to change. You need new experiences, new eyes, or a new embrace.

New Experiences

If you lack awareness or maturity, you need new experiences to help you perceive more of God’s reality. You’ve done nothing wrong; you simply need to expand the number of tools in your toolbox. Seek to learn something every day.

Wisdom is with the aged,
and understanding in length of days.

Job 12:12

New Eyes

If you lack faith, you need to borrow God’s eyes so you can see more of His reality. Perhaps the busyness of life is distracting you from seeing the spiritual reality all around you. Ask God for faith so your eyes will be open.

When the servant of the man of God rose early in the morning and went out, behold, an army with horses and chariots was all around the city. And the servant said, “Alas, my master! What shall we do?” He said, “Do not be afraid, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them.” Then Elisha prayed and said, “O Lord, please open his eyes that he may see.” So the Lord opened the eyes of the young man, and he saw, and behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha. And when the Syrians came down against him, Elisha prayed to the Lord and said, “Please strike this people with blindness.” So he struck them with blindness in accordance with the prayer of Elisha.

2 Kings 6:15-18

New Embrace

If you’re stuck in denial, you need humility to embrace the reality in front of you. Pride and stubbornness limit your vision. Trust that God is on your side, even amidst the most difficult times.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

Psalm 23:4

In God’s reality, perceptions can be misleading. What you see isn’t what you’ll get. God’s grace is beyond comprehension.

Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
    his understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint,
    and to him who has no might he increases strength.
Even youths shall faint and be weary,
    and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
    they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
    they shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:28-31