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Why Rejection Means You Belong

Why Rejection Means You Belong

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Reading time: 3 minutes

Rejection can be extremely painful or even life-threatening. However, for the Christian, for the child of God, rejection is an attack without merit. It doesn’t feel like it at the time, but rejection can be good. Would you rather be accepted by God or by Satan? Would you rather be rejected by God or by Satan?

Rejection is Related to Belonging

If you’re excluded from one group, you automatically belong to another.

If someone hates you, then someone else loves you.

If one person forgets you, you’re remembered by another.

If someone goes out of their way to reject you, that means you’re significant.

How can these statements be true? Belonging is conserved. No one can “unbelong” themselves from everyone everywhere. All believers have a built-in community. We have an identity made in God’s image meaning we’re somebody even when we feel like a nobody.

Rejection can be Temporary, Bad, or Good

Rejection is not always bad. Understanding its different types will help you focus on the good.

Temporary

When you reject yourself, you deceive yourself. When others reject you and you agree with it, you are likewise deceived. This is temporary rejection (God accepts you, man rejects you, and you reject you). It’s temporary because it comes from an incorrect belief. God will help you know the truth.

Bad

If you reject God and God rejects you, you have nothing. This is bad rejection (God rejects you, man might reject you, and you reject you). It’s bad because there is nothing worse in life than being rejected by God. God fully accepts His spiritual children, so this only applies to non-believers.

Good

If you’re rejected by the people who reject God, then you belong with God. When you’re enemy rejects you, you only gain. This is good rejection (God accepts you, man rejects you, but you accept you). It’s good because it solidifies that you truly belong to God.

The Lord is on my side; I will not fear.
What can man do to me?

The Lord is on my side as my helper;
I shall look in triumph on those who hate me.

It is better to take refuge in the Lord
than to trust in man.

The stone that the builders rejected
has become the cornerstone.

Psalm 118:6-8, 22 ESV

Jesus, the cornerstone, had much to say about belonging and rejection.

The one who hears you hears me, and the one who rejects you rejects me, and the one who rejects me rejects him who sent me.

Luke 10:16 ESV

Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters.

Luke 11:23 ESV

For the one who is not against us is for us.

Mark 9:40 ESV

Turn Your Rejection Into Belonging

Those who do not know who they truly are in God’s eyes are vulnerable to rejection from the world. We are born with the desperate need for acceptance. Without any connection or guidance from God, we will believe whatever we experience. The less you know yourself, the more rejection stings because you need others to help you learn how to accept yourself.

Think about the worst rejection you’ve ever had to face. Perhaps you craved the attention of so-and-so, but they poured contempt on you. Or you trusted so-and-so and they betrayed you. That’s the worst feeling ever.

What happens when you’re rejected? You just figured out where you don’t belong, which means you also found where you belong. For example:

  • If someone tells you he no longer wants to date you because you’re too quiet, then you belong with people who appreciate you being soft-spoken.
  • If someone excludes you because you are “too competitive”, then you belong with people who value being ambitious.
  • If someone persecutes you because of your unwavering faith in Jesus, then you belong with people who know and value the true God.

Review times of rejection and allow these experiences to strengthen (instead of weaken) the sense of who you are.

Learn more about love, suffering, and rejection.
Last updated 2025/02/09

God Will Deliver You From Failure

God Will Deliver You From Failure

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Reading time: 3 minutes

Failure would be a death sentence if it were not for God’s mercy. Many people struggle with believing that their failure leaves a fatal mark that limits their potential. If you think you’ve failed, you might believe something like:

  • I’ll always mess up God’s plans.
  • There’s no hope for me now.
  • I’ll wear this scar for the rest of my life.
  • That was my last chance.
  • God will never forgive me.
  • My best will never be good enough.
  • God is going to send me to hell.
  • I’ll never recover from this.
  • There’s no use trying again.

For Christians to believe any of these statements, they must be deceived. Every one of them has something false about it. What Jesus has done for believers removes the permanence of these statements and breathes hope into the hopeless, life into the lifeless.

Failure From the World’s Perspective

A worldly definition of failure distorts God by emphasizing two extreme responses. People are forever condemned or always excused without consequence. These miss God’s heart because they throw out His mercy or justice.

Without God’s mercy, we would all be perpetually caught in shame. The unbearable feelings of self-condemnation and self-loathing weigh heavily without any way of escape. People attempt to cope by utilizing perfectionism or apathy to avoid the feelings of falling short.

Without God’s justice, we can become lulled into a false sense of security. The prideful presumption that there will never be a reckoning for our attitudes and choices might soothe the conscience today but does nothing to prevent the condemnation tomorrow. People attempt to cope by utilizing relativism to discount the seriousness of God’s absolute standards.

    Sin is probably the best definition of failure. It completely misses what God wants for us. Without God, we are defective because of sin. However, God, because of His love, has stripped sin of its power and permanent consequences. So it does not have a significant lasting effect for believers.

    Failure From God’s Perspective

    Let’s reconsider the definition of failure, but include God this time. A worst-case definition of failure considers it to be a temporary setback. That’s because God works for our ultimate good. We are on the same side.

    Failure implies finality. But because God is an eternal being, endings do not exist for Him. Any moment in time is not the final word on your situation.

    Failure implies hopelessness. But God is an endless supply of hope. Nothing can defeat God. Nothing can defeat God’s plans. Nothing can defeat God’s people.

    Failure implies permanent loss. But God restores and heals, often while we are yet in this life. That’s possible because knowing Him means knowing boundless hope.

    Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

    Lamentations 3:21-23

    We can always learn from our experiences, even if they seem like abysmal failures. God is ready to give us another chance. We can start again in a stronger position.

    I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.

    Psalm 34:4-7 NIV

    So you can see that you will have trouble, but God will deliver you. He will deliver you from evil. He looks beyond failure to your eternal potential in Jesus Christ. For other verses that support God’s grace and hope, see Isaiah 40:31, Romans 5:5, Psalm 33:18, and Jeremiah 29:11.

    May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

    Romans 15:13 NIV

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    Last updated 2025/02/02

    Worship God With Genuine Joy

    Worship God With Genuine Joy

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    Reading time: 4 minutes

    Does God seem distant to you? Does worship feel like an obligation? Maybe you are missing a genuine experience of God.

    Are you struggling to believe God cares? Do you like yourself? Wait. What does liking yourself have to do with God? God assumes that you will care for yourself. But He commands that you love others (Him and your neighbor).

    Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”

    Matthew 22:37-40 NLT

    How to Worship God Authentically

    Loving God with everything you have is the same as worship. Authentic worship will only happen as we understand and experience God.

    God is at His fullest potential. He can’t get any better than He already is. Instead of this meaning He is frequently bored, He lives with maximum enjoyment. That’s right. Part of what it means to be God is that He lives with a constant euphoria (a feeling or state of intense excitement and happiness). Because we are made in God’s image, God intends us to reach our full potential and experience euphoria. Enthusiasm is similar to euphoria; it means to be full of God.

    When we are full of God, we can’t help but worship Him. We worship because He is worthy. However, there is more to worship than how awesome God is. Consider the scene in heaven from Revelation 4:

    Whenever the living beings give glory and honor and thanks to the one sitting on the throne (the one who lives forever and ever), the twenty-four elders fall down and worship the one sitting on the throne (the one who lives forever and ever). And they lay their crowns before the throne and say, “You are worthy, O Lord our God, to receive glory and honor and power. For you created all things, and they exist because you created what you pleased.”

    Revelation 4:9-11 NLT

    Revelation 5 continues with Jesus being the only one worthy to open the scroll and the elders falling down in worship. If we only consider this scene superficially, we might observe that worship seems robotic. Who wants to fall down and worship every few minutes, repeating this for eternity? Wouldn’t that get old? It might if we ignore how we can experience God.

    On earth today there are many distractions and distortions which prevent us from seeing God clearly. In heaven, these barriers will be gone. We will see and experience God as He is, at least to the limit of our capacity. God made us to appreciate who He is. Encountering God produces an intense, joyful response. The worship is spontaneous, genuine, never forced. The difference might be compared to seeing electricity power a light bulb and feeling electricity surge through your body.

    How to Love Yourself When You Don’t Feel Worthy

    God expects that people will care for themselves. Despite this being a simple truth, most people struggle to genuinely feel good about who they are. This is a problem because when you’re negative on what God made, how can you be positive about God? When you can’t see God as positive, you can’t believe He’s got your best interest in mind.

    If you want to feel close to God, you must feel positive about yourself. If you don’t like yourself, then the you you don’t like is probably not the real you God has in mind. Your identity is who God says you are, while your self-image is who you think you are. When you get the two mixed up, you can’t like yourself.

    Not liking yourself is ultimately the inability to see yourself as God sees you. Putting this all together, if you want to be closer to God, you need to see what He sees. Who does God see when He looks at you? Spend time thanking God for how He made you. Ask Him to help you see yourself through His eyes. Then you will know the joy of genuine worship.

    Learn more about identity and self-worth.
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    Last updated 2024/11/17

    Remember Your Past For A Healthy Present

    Remember Your Past For A Healthy Present

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    Reading time: 3 minutes

    How does remembering your past help you today? Think of re-membering as bringing scattered parts of your life together. It’s like gathering the parts of a jigsaw puzzle and assembling them where they belong.

    God wants you to see the whole picture of who you are. Have you ever worked on a puzzle only to get to the end and realize some pieces are missing? It’s frustrating because it feels so incomplete.

    I’m fascinated by my past. I’m not thinking of historical facts. I mean my psychological and emotional journey. Memories are important because they are the key to setting a person free from being trapped in the past.

    You can’t change what has happened to you but you can change its meaning. You decided how much a particular memory has the power to define who you are. They answer the question: How did I get to where I am today?

    How you first experience something has long-lasting implications. Your journey is, in many ways, a series of first-time experiences. To put the pieces of your life together, you must revisit your first-time experiences to create follow-on experiences. Healing can be both strengthening the positive memories and weakening the negative ones.

    Questions to Help You Remember

    Your relationship with your childhood memories can tell you a lot about yourself. Here are some questions you can use to explore your emotional health:

    • How do you feel about your childhood?
    • Do you feel like you are still a child?
    • Do you feel like you are stuck in your childhood?
    • Do you feel extremely distant from childhood, almost like it was another lifetime?
    • Does childhood feel real to you or more like a fantasy?
    • Does childhood seem unimportant or highly relevant to you?
    • Do you remember a lot or a little?
    • How much was childhood the same or different every day?
    • What positive memories come to mind?
    • What negative memories come to mind?

    Did you skim through these questions or pause on each one and give a real, in-depth answer? Are you willing to embrace your childhood or do you think you’d be happier if you never thought about it again?

    Even if you considered only one of the questions, you’ve got a taste of what it’s like to move toward emotional health. You dipped your toe in the water. If you considered more than one, you might feel overwhelmed as you swim in a pool of emotional memories.

    As I said, memories are fascinating. They aren’t part of who you are. Yet, in another way, they are part of you. You’re not five years old anymore. But you might feel five years old sometimes.

    Remember the Past, Compare it with the Present, and Plan the Future

    Here are a few more questions for you to consider: In what ways do you feel the same, today, as you did when you were a young child? In what ways are you the same? In what ways are you different?

    Life can lead you away from being in touch with who you are. The pressures, demands, and trauma open a chasm between your performance and who you are. It’s possible to become so familiar with present-day performance (life responsibilities) that you forget what it’s like to enjoy life on your terms.

    Here are three more questions that should help you “pull yourself together.” What day would you most like to relive? What makes life worth living today? Now, what new day do you imagine you would like to live in the near future?

    In answering all these questions, look for two things. First, look for any infections: emotional wounds that haven’t fully healed. Second, look for peak experiences: emotional highs that give you energy.

    If you’d like more practice at developing follow-on experiences, then you should try a book from my Journal Your Way series.

    More about the benefits of exploring your past.
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    Last updated 2022/12/11

    Loneliness Is Deceptive

    Loneliness Is Deceptive

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    What is the opposite of loneliness? It’s not necessarily being around other people or enjoying others’ company. It’s being content with who you are. It’s hard to be lonely when you are at peace with yourself.

    Loneliness can be debilitating and result from the self-fulfilling prophecy of believing “I do not belong.” If left unchecked, it can develop into a disease. A disease becomes progressively worse until a cure is found. People who lack sufficient relationships will become emotionally unstable over time. This is how loneliness can become a deception–a belief that one is stuck in a trap and no escape is possible.

    The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.

    Mark Twain

    While overcoming loneliness does involve other people, it’s not physical proximity to others that irradicates the disease. It’s the genuine, life-giving connection with God, others, and self in healthy balance.

    Loneliness is Optional

    Loneliness is real, but it’s not intractable. You can be alone and not lonely. Being comfortable with yourself means you have taken the antidote of internalized love. A Christian is never truly alone. Even though God is not usually physically felt, He is always present. You can be not alone but still feel alone if you become numb to others. You can have food but still feel hungry if you have problems digesting.

    You can be not alone and not lonely. This is possible in a couple of ways. One, if you have internalized enough love, you have it stored up. You can survive in nutrient-deficient environments because you are healthy. Previous positive interactions keep you going even during a relational drought. Two, you could be with people that feed you relationally. When your genuine emotional needs are being met, it’s impossible to feel alone.

    Loneliness is not Caused by People

    You can be not alone and lonely. This demonstrates that other people do not automatically make loneliness go away. Healthy relationships makes a difference when they meet emotional needs. They are mean to be a conduit for emotional needs, not an end in themselves. Unhealthy (or unhelpful) relationships create emotional scars (or perpetuate neediness). Sometimes two needy people do more harm than good. Moderately needy people might bicker but still live to fight again another day. Desperately needy people can end up tearing each other apart.

    For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” But if you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another.

    Galatians 5:14-15 ESV

    If your relationship is a place of doing more harm than good, it doesn’t mean it’s time to give up on the relationship. It just means you temporarily need help from outside the relationship. After you have internalized enough love, your relationship can thrive.

    You can be alone and lonely. If you find yourself here, it’s time to put yourself in a (relatively healthy) community. There are no magic cures but neither is there a better alternative. Not everyone will be a good match for your needs but one good relationship is enough to move toward health. Even so, limiting yourself to one person will not be effective. No one person can give you everything you need.

    God designed us to ultimately receive what we need from Him. But He frequently uses other people to communicate His love. If you are lonely (whether alone or not alone), your needs are not being met. It’s time to do something different until your needs are being met. Cry out to God. Tell Him what you need. Tell at least one other person what you need.

    Learn more about fulfillment.
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    Overcome Resistance To Value Your Identity

    Overcome Resistance To Value Your Identity

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    Reading time: 4 minutes

    To live is to encounter resistance to all that is good. Given the curse the world will naturally degrade as long as evil is in control. Even the sin in us resists God’s goodness. But our suffering does not need to lead us to despair. God tells us to hope not in this world but in Him.

    We know that God is ultimately in control even though it appears like evil has control. Bad things happen. God offers His truth to us. Are you winning or losing the struggle between these two?

    If I offered you a new, crisp one-hundred dollar bill, would you accept it? What if I first crumpled it up and submerged it into a concoction of oil, mud, and blood? The bill might be tattered and dirty, but it’s still worth the same amount.

    The same is true for you. You have an enemy who wants to drag you through the mud. He wants you to forget who you are. Or, better yet, he’d like you to never figure out or accept who you are. You are valuable even though you have some scars and dirt.

    Resistance is not Futile

    You have a force working against you as you discover who you are. As you learn who God made you to be, the evil one will work to make sure you don’t believe or can’t accept who you are. He’ll try to get you to think you’re worth less (worthless).

    Resistance is not futile (see Hebrews 12:4 and James 4:7). You can submit to God and resist the devil’s schemes. Fortunately for you and me, this strategy of the enemy will backfire eventually, like all of his strategies. How? Because whatever the evil one plans for discomfort and destruction, God can turn it around and use it for good. Even so, it’s important to keep expectations adjusted appropriately. The ending is awesome, but we’ll still experience some darkness, discomfort, and even some deterioration along the way.

    Understanding the truth is difficult when life isn’t working out in your favor. In the end, though, the enemy can only redecorate your life. He can’t destroy it. What the enemy can touch is superficial.

    Joseph is a great example of patience during suffering. His brothers betrayed him, and he still felt compassion for them at the end of his life. He saw his life events, the good and the bad, with a positive view of God.

    As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.

    Genesis 50:20 ESV

    Growing Stronger Requires Befriending Resistance

    Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.

    1 Peter 4:12-13 ESV

    If you want to grow stronger, you must actively face some resistance. All else equal, in light gravity, you lose muscle and bone strength. In heavy gravity, you can gain strength if you resist.

    You can’t live without hope but equally true is: you can’t live without exercising your body and mind. When who you are is under attack, you must resist what is false. During the process of refuting what isn’t true, you’ll learn what is true about you.

    Therefore, whenever you’re feeling discouraged by life, remind yourself, “I have value no matter what I look like or feel like on the outside. This body I have today is temporary. My spirit is eternal. God will make me a new body in the next life.” And, bonus! God has already started the cleanup process, so you can experience some comfort in this life.

    Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.

    2 Corinthians 1:3-5 ESV

    Read through or listen to Mandisa’s songs, Stronger and Overcomer.
    Learn more about overcoming resistance.
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    Last updated 2024/01/14