• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

Christian Concepts

Bringing your Potential to Light

  • Start Here
  • Insights
  • About
  • Subscribe

Identity

How To Know When To Say No

August 15, 2020 by Matt Pavlik 1 Comment

Reading time: 3 minutes

You might be more of a people pleaser than you realize. When you are presented with a decision, how often do you discount your opinion with something like, “I can go either way” or “It doesn’t matter to me; you pick”? Or, maybe you disregard your opinion with a “Yes” without considering what you want.

Certainly, there will be times when you are indifferent. Even during these times, it’s nearly always a good idea to know what you want, even if you give up what you want for someone else.

A quick response of indifference might involve the least amount of effort, but it can cost you significantly more later on. Instead, what if you invested the time to know what you want?

The less you know yourself, the harder it is to give a clear, direct answer to even a simple question. When you know yourself well, your answer will be second nature.

You might be wondering, “How do I get to know myself?” There are two main approaches to strengthening your self-image. You can remain reactive or go proactive.

  1. In reactive mode, you stumble through life and only give consideration to your ways when it becomes absolutely required of you (if ever).
  2. In proactive mode, you consider your ways every chance you get. You explore your past and use what you learn to better your future. You take advantage of the fact that God gives you truth about life, including details about who you are.

A step in-between the two modes is trial and error. You essentially try something blindly. Then perhaps as an afterthought, you evaluate the outcome. It’s not completely reactive or proactive.

The superior approach is having an awareness of who you are. Then during any given moment, you can proactively choose how to act based on what you know about yourself. God wants you to live a self-examined life (see Haggai 1).

Essential to every approach is what you do with your experiences. God gives you a process to discover your identity (who you are as defined by God). The goal is to increase the awareness of your identity so that decisions become easier over time.

If you have trouble people-pleasing or making good decisions, that’s usually because you don’t know yourself well enough. Learning who you are can occur “on accident,” but knowing yourself will take much longer that way.

Instead, take the time to evaluate your experiences and weed out the lies that are growing in the garden of your self-image. With the clutter of lies cleared away, you’ll know more clearly whether you want to say yes or no.

For example: if you don’t know who you are very well, then you might end up with an over-booked schedule. You’ll wonder why you are tired and irritable. If you continue to ignore your God-given identity, you’ll assume you are doing what God wants you to be doing because you are serving others.

In contrast, with healthy boundaries that come from a healthy identity, you’ll be confident about where to draw the line. You can say yes to some activities and no to others without feeling guilty or overwhelmed.

Some things God requires of you. You should feel motivated to do right and not wrong. But actually, most things are up to you. God loves a cheerful giver (2 Corinthians 9:7). You can decide to go for a walk or stay home. You can decide to visit a friend or be by yourself. For these decisions, you must trust that God gives you enough intelligence to choose.

You can know what to choose by determining what level of self-care you need at any given moment. Then weigh that against the needs of others around you.

You might be surprised at your preferences when you discover them, but they are never a surprise to God. God knows what you will choose before you choose it. Trust that God gave you a built-in preference system–that’s your identity.

Image by Jan Vašek from Pixabay

Filed Under: Identity, Boundaries, Self-Care, Self-Image Tagged With: self-worth

The Best Way To Receive Love

The Best Way To Receive Love

May 24, 2021 by Matt Pavlik 2 Comments

Reading time: 4 minutes

Love is a two-way street. Both the person offering love and the person receiving love must be willing participants.

What happens if you pour water into a cup with holes and take a drink? You’ll probably end up with more water on the outside of your body than on the inside. If your goal is to cool off, a cup with holes is okay. But if you’re thirsty, such a cup doesn’t work well.

Having a negative self-worth is like having holes in your cup. God can pour all of His love into you, but if you ignore, reject, or lack the ability to hold onto it, you won’t feel love for very long.

Everybody has holes in their cup. That’s a consequence of living in a fallen world. Even with the holes, there is hope.

Jesus said we shouldn’t put new wine into old wineskins. Why did He say this?

Now John’s disciples and the Pharisees were fasting. Some people came and asked Jesus, “How is it that John’s disciples and the disciples of the Pharisees are fasting, but yours are not?” Jesus answered, “How can the guests of the bridegroom fast while he is with them? They cannot, so long as they have him with them. But the time will come when the bridegroom will be taken from them, and on that day they will fast.

“No one sews a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment. Otherwise, the new piece will pull away from the old, making the tear worse. And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. Otherwise, the wine will burst the skins, and both the wine and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins.”

Mark 2:18-22 NIV

Jesus is teaching about compatibility. Sometimes old ways of living are not compatible with new ways. The new wine needs to breathe, so it needs a wineskin that can expand. Old wineskins are less flexible than new ones. Your old way of living, your flesh, is not compatible with your new way of living in the Spirit.

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.

Galatians 5:16-17 ESV

The old ways lead to death, but the new ways lead to life.

Receive Love With A New Heart

God gives a new heart to all believers.

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

Ezekiel 36:26 NIV

A heart of stone cannot receive God’s love. There’s no way to grow spiritually if you cannot receive His love. So God gives you a new heart that can receive His Spirit. With your new heart, you can enjoy spiritual growth.

Receive Love By Finding Leaks

Your new heart is all you need, but your old heart lives on in this life. If you can understand how your old heart is broken, you can minimize your losses.

The Spirit and flesh are at odds with each other. The lies you believe about yourself drain your self-worth. There’s a battle going on inside of you. Do you trust your old heart or your new heart?

The fleshly heart bears a wound. Nothing much can be done about it. The flesh wants to resist and complain. Everyone who feels miserable and hopeless is going to oppose God.

Fortunately for those of us with new hearts, we can choose to focus on the Spirit. We can experience peace and hope. Shift your focus today to your new heart. It’s as real as your old heart. It’s going to last forever while your flesh is already dying and actually already dead (Galatians 5:24). Hold open your new heart so you can catch God’s love. Allow this connection with God to be more important than the messages you receive from your old heart.

If you struggle with understanding how to do this, seek out a Christian counselor or other trusted person to help you.

Read more about God’s love for you.
Image by Nevena M. from Pixabay

Filed Under: Core Longings, Self-Care, Self-Image

Act With Authority As You Live By The Spirit

Act With Authority As You Live By The Spirit

July 25, 2021 by Matt Pavlik 1 Comment

Reading time: 3 minutes

Authority implies both confidence and the power to back it up. How often do you feel confident enough to act with God’s power? If you’re like me, you can never have too many reminders that God is on your side empowering you accomplish His will.

God wants us to act with authority when we are in alignment with His desires.

Act With Authority: Prioritize God’s Kingdom

If God wants something to happen, He can supply all you need to accomplish it. God knows what is most important in life. It’s those most important tasks that will ultimately bring the most joy by fulfilling them.

Sometimes, it’s hard to see what tasks are kingdom-focused. There are so many distractions and possibilities for how to live. The verse below starts with “seek.” Other words for seek are: pursue, explore, investigate, follow. That would imply that out understanding of God’s kingdom isn’t complete.

God also wants us to pursue what is right and reasonable. Believers have the mind of Christ, so we have some idea of what to pursue. Walking in the Spirit and being connect with God’s mind provides all we need to act with authority.

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

Matthew 6:33 NLT

Act With Authority: Don’t Worry

If you want something more than God thinks you need it, then you’ll end up carrying the burden for claiming it.

If you and Jesus are yoked together pulling a great weight, the effort required will be burdensome or manageable depending upon who is more eager to pull the weight.

If you are in a place of submission by letting Jesus lead, He will do most of the heavy lifting. But if in your impatience, you want to move faster than Jesus, you will feel the strain on your shoulders.

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30 NLT

Act With Authority: Work Hard

Allowing God to lead doesn’t mean there is nothing left for you to do. God wants us to labor with all we have.

God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another. Do you have the gift of speaking? Then speak as though God himself were speaking through you. Do you have the gift of helping others? Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then everything you do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ. All glory and power to him forever and ever! Amen.

Ephesians 4:10-11 NLT

Therefore, we should develop a sophisticated believe system that allows for a complex application of God’s truth. We can both be dependent upon God’s strength and fully exercise our own strength. Both require faith because our strength can’t compare to God’s. But God wants us to participate with Him in the pursuit of His kingdom.

As you go about your days ahead, exercise your faith by seeking God’s kingdom. Put into practice all that you’ve learned from the Bible, the Spirt, and other believers. While you do this, be aware of God’s strength working in your life.

I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead

Ephesians 1:18-20 NIV

Grow Your Desire To Advance God’s Kingdom
I
mage by 4144132 from Pixabay

Filed Under: God's Kingdom, Identity, Self-Image Tagged With: authority, priorities, self-worth

Reach Your Potential By Playing The Long Game

Reach Your Potential By Playing The Long Game

September 8, 2018 by Matt Pavlik 1 Comment

Reading time: 3 minutes

In chess, the pawn is the weakest piece. However, if you stop your understanding of the pawn there, you’ll miss that the pawn also has the most potential of all the pieces. If it reaches the other side of the board, it becomes more powerful because you can upgrade it to any piece you want.

God Wants You To Reach Your Potential

You might think you’re only a pawn, but God sees your full potential. When you are born again, you are upgraded to a new creation that permanently holds God’s Holy Spirit.

Even then, God has more in store for you.

Life isn’t a game. I’m not suggesting you play games with your life. But life is all about growth. Playing the long game means investing the effort to achieve maximum results. There isn’t a more fulfilling way to live even though most of the time this requires sacrificing short-term rewards.

Sacrifice Immediate Rewards To Reach Your Potential

Jesus gave up His earthly life to secure an everlasting victory over death. His life was short but long on results. He achieved such outstanding results because He followed the Father’s plan. He fulfilled His destiny.

You, too, have a clearly defined destiny. Have you invested the time to learn what it is? You can’t play the long game without it. You can expect to spend your whole life in preparation for the next moment of your life. God wants you to know your identity as a created masterpiece and walk in good works. The more you know your identity, the more you know your destiny.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

—Ephesians 2:10

God made you for a specific purpose. Who you are is enough to fulfill your purpose. You have all you need to reach your potential. But you must seek and discover to reach your potential.

To accomplish this, you have to be sure you don’t become distracted away from God’s higher plans. As you become more, you’ll be able to accomplish more. But, if you don’t invest in growth, you delay reaching your potential. What are some examples of distraction traps?

  • Spending on material gain when you could be investing in spreading God’s kingdom.
  • Elevating entertainment above the hard work of spiritual and emotional growth.
  • Living an imbalanced life by working your job most of the time.

Care For Others To Reach Your Potential

The long-game player focuses on whatever it takes to cross the finish line. Sometimes this means prioritizing the immediate to achieve maximum impact. Jesus spent time healing people who eventually died. At first glance, this seems like a waste of time. He did it anyway because He cares. He showed us the Father’s heart.

Whatever you do while motivated by God’s love is never a waste of time. Focusing on the end-results shouldn’t prevent you from doing what is right in the moment. You just want to make sure that what you are about to do doesn’t sabotage your ability to finish the race.

Jesus never allowed any short-term gain to delay, diminish, or deter Him from God’s long-term plans. God’s long-term plans are non-negotiable, but He is flexible with immediate events. After all, it’s taking each step that moves you closer to the finish.

You can’t play the long game without faith. God always sees the end—the infinite future. Because you can’t see that far, you must trust His vision. You can, however, see far enough to take the next step.

More About Potential and Some More
Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

Filed Under: Boundaries, Identity Tagged With: purpose

Use Your Potential or You Might Lose It

September 29, 2018 by Matt Pavlik 2 Comments

Reading time: 3 minutes

One of Aesop’s Fables, The Miser and His Gold, demonstrates that without God, the fear of not having enough is strong.

Once upon a time there was a Miser who buried his gold near a tree in his garden; but every week he used to go and dig it up and gloat over his gains. A robber, who had noticed this, went and dug up the gold and left town with it. When the Miser next came to gloat over his treasures, he found nothing but the empty hole. He tore his hair and raised such an outcry that all the neighbors came around him, and he told them how he used to come and visit his gold.

“Did you ever take any of it out?” asked one of them.

“No,” said he, “I only came to look at it.”

“Then come again and look at the hole,” said a neighbor; “it will do you just as much good.”

Wealth unused might as well not exist.

The Miser lives a stagnant, distracted life and remains empty despite having a treasure. He is mesmerized by his treasure but he only has the illusion of fullness. He has the wrong focus: external and worldly. He clings to the vain and empty. He feels anxious because he uses creation the wrong way.

Using the visible to attempt to fill the spiritual doesn’t work.

The Miser expects security from wealth when God didn’t make money for this purpose (1 Timothy 6:10). Using something the wrong way is expecting more from it that it is capable of delivering. If you put too much strain on a shovel, it will break. Or, if you put too much weight in an elevator, the cable snaps. If you expect too much from a friend, you might lose your friend.

Another story, the Parable of the Talents (Matthew 25:14–30), demonstrates that without a Confident Identity you can’t please God. In the parable, the master gives his servants talents (money) according to their ability. Two of the servants multiply their God-given resources. The master showers them with equal praise, independent of their ability. But, the master condemns the lazy servant who doesn’t attempt to use his ability. He lacks initiative because he focuses on his fear of failure. He is unable to perform because he doesn’t feel secure in his identity.

Why doesn’t the servant feel secure enough to invest? He probably didn’t take the time to pursue learning his identity with the help of others’ encouragement. The lesson for the servant might be potential that you never use might as well not exist. Those who completely avoid God out of fear demonstrate they don’t really know Him. God wants you to trust and invest. God wants you to activate what He’s given you. Your identity won’t do you any good unless you discover it and use it wisely.

Both the Miser and the lazy servant believe the wrong information about God and their own sense of self. Both are fear based and seek a false security. The Miser relies on a treasure instead of God. The servant would rather not try at all than to try and fail, even though to not try is the surest way to fail. Neither is willing to risk failure in order to live up to their potential. Both seek self-preservation apart from God.

As with many stories Jesus told in the Bible, the interpretation depends on your standing before God. When you’re in good standing already (meaning you’re a believer) the stories are meant to encourage and reassure. God wants to shower praise on you for your sincere efforts. For those who hate God and don’t know Him, the messages are extreme. They’re meant as a warning to encourage drastic action to put you in good standing.

Use it or you might lose it. Think of a gift or blessing God has given you. How can you use it today?

Filed Under: Boundaries, Identity Tagged With: potential, purpose

To Identity and Beyond

December 9, 2018 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

Reading time: <1 minutes

Matt’s third book is now available for purchase. If you struggle to know the importance of your God-given identity, To Identity and Beyond is a must read.

Filed Under: Identity, Boundaries, Self-Image Tagged With: purpose, reality, worldview

  • « Go to Previous Page
  • Page 1
  • Interim pages omitted …
  • Page 17
  • Page 18
  • Page 19
  • Page 20
  • Page 21
  • Interim pages omitted …
  • Page 27
  • Go to Next Page »

Primary Sidebar

Recent Posts

  • 9 Experiences That Drain Hope
  • Adjust Perspective For Peace And Joy
  • Marital Unity Leaves A Rich Legacy
  • 3 Reasons To Trust God Today
  • Faith Is Assurance

Recent Comments

  • Finance on 9 Experiences That Drain Hope
  • 9 Experiences That Drain Hope - Christian Concepts on Claim Full Assurance Of Hope
  • Forgiveness Opens The Heart To Miraculous Healing - Christian Concepts on Forgiveness
  • Does Our All Powerful God Need Us? - Christian Concepts on Worship God With Genuine Joy
  • Adjust Perspective For Peace And Joy - Christian Concepts on The Secret to Finding Rest Amidst Tragedy

Topics

  • Abuse and Neglect
  • Betrayal
  • Boundaries
  • Conflict Resolution
  • Core Longings
  • Counseling
  • Dating to Find a Mate
  • Emotional Honesty
  • Eternal Security
  • God's Kingdom
  • Healing
  • Identity
  • Marriage
  • Self-Care
  • Self-Image
  • Spiritual Formation

Archives

  • April 2025
  • March 2025
  • February 2025
  • January 2025
  • December 2024
  • November 2024
  • October 2024
  • September 2024
  • August 2024
  • July 2024
  • June 2024
  • May 2024
  • April 2024
  • March 2024
  • February 2024
  • January 2024
  • December 2023
  • November 2023
  • October 2023
  • September 2023
  • August 2023
  • July 2023
  • June 2023
  • May 2023
  • April 2023
  • March 2023
  • February 2023
  • January 2023
  • December 2022
  • November 2022
  • October 2022
  • September 2022
  • August 2022
  • July 2022
  • June 2022
  • May 2022
  • April 2022
  • March 2022
  • February 2022
  • January 2022
  • October 2021
  • September 2021
  • August 2021
  • July 2021
  • June 2021
  • May 2021
  • April 2021
  • March 2021
  • February 2021
  • January 2021
  • December 2020
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • July 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • September 2017
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • June 2012
  • April 2012
  • March 2012
  • January 2012
  • December 2011
  • September 2011
  • August 2011
  • July 2011
  • June 2011
  • May 2011
  • April 2011
  • February 2011
  • December 2010
  • November 2010
  • October 2010
  • July 2010
  • June 2010
  • May 2009
  • April 2009
  • March 2009

Footer

Follow

  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

© 2003–2025 · New Reflections Counseling, Inc. · Christian Concepts Publishing · Privacy Policy