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Emotional Healing Is Possible For You Today

Emotional Healing Is Possible For You Today

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Reading time: 4 minutes

God won’t always grant you more money or heal your body. But the Holy Spirit is always ready to provide emotional healing.

Are you being serious, Matt? I’ve been suffering for years. I don’t believe it. God doesn’t care about my pain. Does He?

Yes, I am serious. The Holy Spirit’s purpose is to guide believers into the truth. If you think about it, that’s the definition of emotional healing. You have a personal guide who can help you become intimately acquainted with God’s truth. Healing is more than learning facts, it’s an emotional experience of the truth.

The only caveat is that you must ask for and seek healing using biblical principles. Transformation is highly desirable, but not necessarily guaranteed (without effort on your part) or easily obtained. You have to really want it.

If you want this valuable transformation, you need to pursue it with Faith, Boldness, Persistence, and Humility.

Emotional Healing Requires Faith

Faith allows the believer to see spiritually. If you are going to approach God, it needs to be with a clear view of who God is. You need the ability to trust God and stay focused on His character!

And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.

Hebrews 11:6 ESV

If you struggle with believing God cares about you and wants you to thrive, then your first task is to ask God for the faith to see Him clearly.

Emotional Healing Requires Boldness

Boldness in this case means you seek without any kind of pretending or bashfulness. You must approach God with authenticity. You speak clearly. You tell it like it is!

In [Christ Jesus our Lord] we have boldness and access [to God] with confidence through our faith in him.

Ephesians 3:12 ESV

If you are afraid to approach God with what is on your heart, seek out another believer or a counselor who can help you develop boldness.

Emotional Healing Requires Persistence

God’s treasures are not left in the open for all to find. Only those people who really want to find the secrets to life will find them. To find them requires persistence. Do you understand the value of what you are seeking?

“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.”

Matthew 13:44 ESV

I love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently find me.

Proverbs 8:17 ESV

If you are tired and want to give up before you reach your goal, ask God for the energy to continue your pursuit.

Emotional Healing Requires Humility

If you want help, you must first prepare your heart to receive help. Desperation is a form of humility that God desires from us. God, you are my only hope! What I want is important and you are the only one who can supply my need.

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

Psalm 63:1 ESV

In the pride of his face the wicked does not seek him; all his thoughts are, “There is no God.”

Psalm 10:4 ESV

Emotional Healing is the subject of an experiential course I’ve developed. To heal emotionally requires that you are willing to:

  • Understand what your heart needs and doesn’t need.
  • Learn healthy ways to manage your pain.
  • Remember uncomfortable experiences.
  • Confront negative beliefs with the truth of who God is and who you are.
  • Feel and express your emotions.
  • Stop avoiding pain in ways that do more harm than good.
  • Emphasize seeking God and bringing your pain to Him.

While I’m putting the finishing touches on Emotional Healing, it’s available for a substantial discount. From now until Independence Day (July 4, 2022), you can purchase it for $44 instead of $100. Today could be the day you declare independence from the lies that lower your self-worth.

The first lesson is available to preview without any obligation. Also, this post is based on one of the exercises in the course.

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Hope Has 3 Essential Ingredients

Hope Has 3 Essential Ingredients

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Reading time: 4 minutes

Could hope be one of the most underrated virtues? Hope makes the list of God’s top three virtues along with love and faith (1 Corinthians 13:13).

The greatest virtue is love. But where would love be without faith or hope? Love would have nothing to deliver; it would be an empty promise–much like worldly love. Fortunately, love always hopes.

A believer can hope for something, but God-given faith makes it a reality in the heart. If you hope for a hamburger, faith makes it so real you can taste it before you ever take a bite.

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

Hebrews 11:1 ESV

Hope is an energizing longing for something good. Faith strengthens you with confidence that it is yours. Love makes faith and hope possible because of God’s goodness.

Hope focuses on God’s amazing promises–specifically the ones that we can’t see come to fruition immediately. As Christians, we hope in God’s promise of eternal life. By faith, we possess eternal life and yet we continue to experience death and suffering for a time.

God is the source of everything good, but what else must be present to live with more hope? For you to thrive, hope’s recipe needs at least these three ingredients:

  1. An Attitude of Freedom
  2. An Attitude of Surrender
  3. An Attitude of Trust

Hope Requires An Attitude of Freedom

A slave with no chance of being free one day can’t begin to hope. Thankfully, you are no longer a slave. Christ has set you free.

So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law.

Galatians 5:1 NLT

Freedom brings peace to hope. To fear is to live in the reality of a hopeless slave. You can’t be peaceful and fearful at the same time. As you recognize you are free, you should experience more peace. You are not a slave, so you can stop thinking like one.

In what ways are you still acting like a slave? Your cage door is open. Are you living as though you are trapped inside? Fear prevents many from leaving a cage with a wide-open door.

Hope Requires An Attitude of Surrender

Surrender acknowledges that God is the ultimate source of good. To have freedom without surrender is to live with the delusion that you are self-sufficient. Hoping in yourself alone doesn’t produce assurance–it’s wishful thinking at best and a fatal gamble at worst.

You might think that freedom and surrender are mutually exclusive, when in fact they support each other perfectly. Surrendering to God and His reality produces true freedom.

If you are not surrendering to God, then you are living in an alternate reality of idolatry. You might feel free initially, but eventually, you will realize you are living in a cage as a slave. An astronaut that leaves a spaceship (without a source of oxygen) for open space is free in one way. The astronaut will survive for a brief time, but this reckless choice leads to death not life.

In this case, the one who surrenders to the confines of the spaceship lives to roam the universe or return to Earth. You can be a slave to righteousness and remain free.

Hope Requires An Attitude of Trust

To be able to surrender to God, you must first trust Him. Trusting God allows you to surrender to Him; surrendering to God produces true freedom. With true freedom, you will experience a powerful, unwavering hope that nourishes your soul.

To hope you must trust God will keep His promises to you.

Trusting is difficult in an environment that is corrupt and decaying. It’s easy to slip into agreeing with hopelessness and distrust. It’s easy to mistrust God and fear. But none of it is mandatory.

Even though evil exists in our world and it betrays God and humanity, we have a choice to trust. When you are lost, this verse will guide you home–into God’s arms.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
    do not depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do,
    and he will show you which path to take.

Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT

Our own understanding is limited and can be faulty. God is saying there is something more true about trusting in faith than trusting with evidence and proof. Even so-called facts can be faulty. How many people believed that the Sun revolved around the Earth before additional facts disproved it?

God’s understanding is never wrong. Trust God because He is your good parent. Look beyond your immediate environment and trust Him no matter what is happening around you.

As you go about your daily life making decisions, keep your spirit open to hearing God’s will. When you trust that He will direct you, you don’t have to hesitate to act. God is holding your hand. Don’t hold back all that God made you to be.

Love provides faith. Faith allows you to trust. Your trust leads to surrender and freedom. Then you’ll have real hope.

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Last revised October 31, 2020

Fulfillment Is Determined By Your Focus

Fulfillment Is Determined By Your Focus

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Reading time: 3 minutes

What would bring you the most fulfillment? If you could pursue it, should you pursue it? The answer depends on what you believe will bring fulfillment.

Think about a time when you purchased something that delivered much less satisfaction than you first imagined it would. Who or what can you blame? Was it the slick salesperson? Was it hyped-up advertising? Or perhaps it was your deep longing for fulfillment that you blindly projected onto the purchased item.

Life Often Lacks Fulfilllment

Put your hope in Christ instead of what happens to you, because:

This earthly life doesn’t have any guarantees… but God’s promise of eternal life does come with guarantees.

You might not deserve God’s love… but you have it and can never lose it.

You might disappoint God… but you are never a disappointment.

You might feel lonely… but you are never alone.

You might feel unwanted… but God made you for a purpose.

You might live with a chronic sense of shame and worthlessness… but God assigned you great value simply by creating you as unique in His image.

You might feel powerless… but the greatest power in all existence lives within you if you believe in Jesus Christ.

You might be down… but you are not out. If you don’t have everything you want in this life exactly the way you want it, that is perfectly alright. You can’t find any real fulfillment in anything this world offers (1 John 2:15-17).

Fulfillment Mostly Comes From the Next Life

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.

2 Corinthians 4:17 NIV

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

Romans 8:18 NIV

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

1 Peter 5:10 NIV

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

John 16:33 NIV

‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

Revelation 21:4 NIV

Listen, my dear brothers and sisters: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him?

James 2:5 NIV

All of these scriptures point to one significant meaning: don’t put so much emphasis on what happens to you in this life. The more you are willing to give up in this life, for the cause of Jesus Christ, the more your reward will be in heaven (Matthew 19:29). The more you cling to what you can gain in this life, the more empty-handed you will be in the next life (and the emptier you will be in this life).

And he lifted up his eyes on his disciples, and said: “Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. “Blessed are you who are hungry now, for you shall be satisfied.“Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh. “Blessed are you when people hate you and when they exclude you and revile you and spurn your name as evil, on account of the Son of Man!

Luke 6:20-22 ESV

Allow your deepest hunger, your deepest lacking of fulfillment, to drive you to God for the only true fulfillment (John 4:14).

More on Pursuing Fulfillment
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How To Ensure Your Empathy Is Healthy

How To Ensure Your Empathy Is Healthy

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Reading time: 4 minutes

Have you ever taken on someone’s pain as if it were your own? How about feeling the same way someone else is feeling? Only one of those is healthy empathy.

The primary difference between healthy and unhealthy empathy depends on how much self-awareness you have.

While listening to someone, the more you lose touch with your opinions, desires, and needs, the more likely you have an undeveloped sense of self. Some people might object by pointing out that good, empathetic listening means the listener forgets about their perspective. That is true. But it must remain a choice to de-emphasis one’s desires in favor of another’s. The unhealthy alternative is to default to what another wants because you have no idea what you want, or worse, you avoid exploring what you want.

The choice to focus on another must be positive. If you focus on another but harbor resentment or build up irritation, your empathy probably isn’t healthy. If you feel empty inside and have never really taken the time to understand your needs, your empathy probably isn’t healthy.

If you focus on another, feel pain, and think it is their pain, you might be deceiving yourself. Without a developed sense of your identity, it’s easy to become confused about whose pain you are feeling. In reality, any pain you feel is your own.

Identity Guides You To Healthy Empathy

Whenever you are relating to another, keep one foot planted firmly in who you are and the other reaching out to the person who needs help. It can be difficult to do this perfectly, so you might temporarily (for a few minutes) lose touch with your identity. When you become confused by taking on other’s pain as if it were yours, ask yourself questions like:

  • Who am I?
  • How do I feel about what the other person is going through?
  • What part of my life reminds me of the other person’s pain? Often, you can be focused on another person’s pain, but are really feeling pain from your own life.
  • How have the difficult life situations I’ve been through taught me to surrender (or perhaps “forget”) who I am when I’m around other people?
  • What are my limits when it comes to experiencing someone else’s raw pain?

If you lose yourself while focusing on someone else, then you are already past your limit. When you reach your limit, you should excuse yourself from the conversation until you regain your strength (your sense of self).

When you take on another’s pain, it probably means you are needing self-care or someone to care for you. If you continue to help another person without a sense of who you are, you are leaving yourself in a state of self-abuse, and you won’t be much help to someone like that. It doesn’t work to abandon yourself in order to help someone else.

Ownership and Responsibility Guide You To Healthy Empathy

Women are usually better at empathizing with others, but healthy is healthy. Everyone needs to be fully willing to feel and respond to their own pain.

Consider a wife who is listening to her husband. No matter how much she cares and wants to help him with his pain, she can’t work through his pain for him. It’s his pain. Only he can do something about it. She can help by listening, but his pain is still his responsibility. In this sense, the pain only multiplies. If her husband chooses to deny or disown some of his pain, his wife can’t make the situation better by taking on more pain. The increased pain she might feel doesn’t directly reduce her husband’s pain.

Self-Care Guides You To Healthy Empathy

If after you’ve been listening to someone, you notice that you have lingering pain, realize it’s your pain, not the other’s pain. You have some issues to work through, so it’s time to focus exclusively on yourself. If you lose touch with yourself while trying to be empathetic, you should be able to get back to yourself in minutes, not days or weeks.

To help you connect with yourself, you might try journaling your feelings and answering questions like the ones listed earlier and these:

  • What do I need to help the pain in my life?
  • Who do I have to listen to me?

Healthy empathy is knowing what it feels like to walk in someone’s shoes and communicating it to them without judging them. Unhealthy empathy would be wearing someone else’s shoes and thinking that they are your shoes.

Read more about healthy communication.
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Relax Into A Reliable God

Relax Into A Reliable God

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Reading time: 4 minutes

God is reliable but not predictable–He does not change in shifty ways (James 1:17). Have you ever lost something important and then felt a sickening panic when you couldn’t find it? Ever felt like you misplaced God? Nothing is lost if you know what you are looking for, where to find it, and how to detect it.

In the Fellowship of the Ring, Bilbo has a moment when he can’t find The Ring. He looks all over for it and works himself into a frenzy. But then after only a few minutes, he finds it in his pocket (where he left it).

When you’ve lost something important, a few anxious minutes can feel like an eternity. When this happens, more than a physical sensation is involved. A spirit of fear can take hold. You can almost touch it like you are walking through a dense cloud of it. Before you know it, you can believe you are doomed.

God is Reliable (He’s not hiding or lost)

In Luke 15, Jesus tells several parables about us being lost and the rejoicing that happens when we repent and move toward God. While Jesus never worries or panics, it is clear that He misses us when we become distracted with life and forget about Him.

From our perspective, isn’t it usually the other way around? We think we know where we are and we declare that God is missing.

I can’t feel God anymore. God, are you there? It doesn’t feel like you are there. Don’t you care that I’m suffering?

This reminds me of Mary when her brother Lazarus died. “Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died” (John 11:32). She is hurting and disappointed. But she knows that God’s presence makes all the difference.

God is Reliable (but you might not feel His presense)

When God is present, it is first a spiritual experience and second an emotional experience. If you find yourself all alone in the sense that you can’t feel God’s presence, you might be tuned to the wrong channel.

If you only go looking for God with your feelings, you might miss Him. He’s always there, but you can’t always feel Him. You can read the Bible and know He will never abandon you. But I’m talking about something different.

When Jesus left us, He sent His Holy Spirit to be with us.

And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, who will never leave you. He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth. The world cannot receive him, because it isn’t looking for him and doesn’t recognize him. But you know him, because he lives with you now and later will be in you. No, I will not abandon you as orphans—I will come to you.

John 14:16-18 NLT

God is Reliable (your salvation is secure)

God will never leave you. If the Holy Spirit is a deposit to guarantee your salvation, then it isn’t possible to lose your salvation. There are definitely times when circumstances can convince you God is gone. The enemy is a deceiver. He wants to mislead you so you will become discouraged and stop living for God. You can’t lose your salvation, but you can “misplace” it.

God is right there “in your pocket” but if you panic, you won’t be able to sense Him. If you are blinded, God could be right there with you but, if you panic, you can blind yourself to His presence and stray into a dangerous mental state. If you can’t seem to see God and can’t believe He is with you, check if your eyes are covered with lies (real eyes realize real lies).

As believers, we can sense God’s presence without necessarily feeling God’s presence.

I believe in the sun even when it’s not shining. I believe in love even when not feeling it. I believe in God even when He is silent.

Anonymous

The next time you feel like God is absent, try reaching out with your spiritual senses. Affirm God is with you spiritually. Then ask the Holy Spirit to teach you about God’s truth and love.

This post is part of a series on eternal security. You can read the introductory post: eternal security means full assurance of salvation.
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Security Leads to Trust

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Reading time: 2 minutes

Even in heaven, we won’t ever know everything there is to know. We might as well get used to the idea during this life.

Sometimes I think life would be so much better if I knew everything. Having an explanation is good, but at some point, too much knowledge only complicates matters. If you don’t need to know something to live a happy, productive life, then it’s probably not necessary.

Seeking out wisdom doesn’t result in you having all the answers. You can be wise and not have all the answers. There’s always more to learn. In fact, it is the fool who thinks no further knowledge or learning is needed (see Proverbs 10:14 and 12:15).

To the one who has everything, what motive is there to act?

To the one who feels completely well, what motive is there to seek a doctor?

To the one who knows everything, what motive is there to seek wisdom?

It is the glory of God to conceal things, but the glory of kings is to search things out.

It is God’s privilege to conceal things and the king’s privilege to discover them.

God is praised for being mysterious; rulers are praised for explaining mysteries.

We honor God for what he conceals; we honor kings for what they explain.

Proverbs 25:2 ESV, NLT, CEV, GNT
You can seek knowledge forever and never know it all. But you can know love in one instant and it can last a lifetime (see 1 Corinthians 13:1-13). Share on X

A balance is needed between pursuing knowledge and trusting God. You can enjoy pursuing God and all His mysteries. But don’t let yourself become miserable in the present moment because you don’t understand all that God is doing.

You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:13 ESV

Finding God doesn’t mean you will find all the answers. Find God means finding His loving arms so that you can experience the warmth of His love. When you are secure in love, a lot of other details don’t matter any more. When you can trust God to guide you, you don’t have to worry about the condition and direction of the road.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
    and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
    and he will make straight your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

What is the condition of your road? Maybe the road is scary, but that doesn’t mean you have to be scared. Ask God for a touch of His love. Ask God for wisdom. Then trust God with whatever road is before you.

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