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Archives for September 2020

Headship And Submission Are The Big Guns

Headship And Submission Are The Big Guns

September 20, 2020 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

Reading time: 3 minutes

If you’ve ever been in an argument, you know it can escalate quickly. Before long you both can resort to bringing out the big guns–meant to finally win the battle. If you find yourself using the biblical roles of headship and submission to make your point, realize that you could be using the nuclear option.

Demanding that your spouse submit or sacrifice for you isn’t a healthy way to resolve conflict.

Some conversations attempting to resolve conflict are messy arguments and some are civil discussions. Sometimes an honest discussion can be heated, and that’s okay, provided you know how to repair any collateral damage.

All healthy discussions need to be based in reality. There is no perfect wife and there is no perfect husband. The Bible sets the bar high for how to treat your spouse, but God doesn’t intend for anyone to “weaponize” the scriptures.

God commands the husband to lay down his life and the wife to submit, both in service to the common good. The command comes from God. It doesn’t work when it comes from your spouse.

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

Ephesians 5:22-27 NIV

Healthy Headship and Submission Preserve Unity

Headship and submission allow a marriage to work. They are needed to find the way out of a stalemate (no pun intended). They are really meant to be a last resort to preserve the unity in your marriage.

You can resolve a large majority of conflict by using good communication skills. If you have good communication, you shouldn’t have to mention the words headship or submission. If you can’t resolve most of your issues with a win-win result, you have a different problem. Playing the “you’re supposed to submit” or “you’re supposed to sacrifice” card won’t help you find a win-win.

Healthy Headship and Submission Avoid Sin

If your issue isn’t life or death, then likely you don’t have to make an immediate decision one way or the other. Instead, move forward when you both have peace. God cares more about how you get along than whether you decide to buy a new car or not.

For a wife, there’s a difference between submitting to your husband’s healthy ideas and his sin. For example, God doesn’t require a wife to submit to a husband who wants to rob a bank. The same applies to a husband and his sacrifice. God didn’t want Adam to follow Eve into her sin.

You sacrifice or submit when your spouse has reached their limits. When your spouse’s maturity level blocks the conflict resolution, you yield out of compassion for them. You bear the consequences of their sin, forgiving them.

This requires healthy discernment. Both husband and wife should be committed to growth, but God allows you to yield to your spouse when their distress is too high.

Healthy Headship and Submission Encourage Equality

It would be wrong to give in to your spouse all the time just because of God’s command to you. Promoting ongoing selfishness in each other is its own sin. You will reach peak marital satisfaction when you are both happy most of the time. It’s okay to get your way some of the time. But you might also need to hear that it’s okay to not get your way some of the time.

However you resolve your conflict, it’s important that you return as quickly as possible to the sense that you are equals. Headship (love) and submission (respect) give you the opportunity to meet some of your spouse’s deepest emotional needs.

Image by Michael Drummond from Pixabay

Filed Under: Marriage Tagged With: headship, submission

Overcome When You Feel Like Giving Up

Overcome When You Feel Like Giving Up

September 7, 2020 by Matt Pavlik 1 Comment

Reading time: 4 minutes

Life has a way of wearing you down so much that you stop trusting God. What are some reasons you feel like giving up? Do they include any of the following?

  • Have you experienced too many failures or rejections?
  • Do you feel worth less than others?
  • Do you feel not needed or not wanted?
  • Do you feel tired, lost, or confused?
  • Does your existence seem pointless?

You might not think of yourself as depressed, but if you answered yes to any of those questions, then you are experiencing some form of discouragement. When your burden becomes too great, you’ll naturally consider giving up. Feeling like you want to give up should throw a red flag for you.

Feeling Like Giving Up Comes From a Desire to be Self-Sufficient

Unfortunately, you will encounter discouraging people and circumstances. Sometimes you can make better choices to prevent bad things from happening. Other times, there isn’t anything you could have done differently. Either way, when you continue to suffer long after a difficult experience, there’s a reason.

What keeps you weighed down and prevents you from moving forward? Do any of these sound like you?

  • You’re trying to do it all yourself.
  • You believe God doesn’t care or He is somehow against you.
  • You think being humble means you should have low self-worth.
  • You think you’ve committed the unpardonable sin and God is condemning you to hell.
  • You stopped trusting God because of a tragedy.

God says there is a different way than giving up.

Are you weary, carrying a heavy burden? Then come to me. I will refresh your life, for I am your oasis. Simply join your life with mine. Learn my ways and you’ll discover that I’m gentle, humble, easy to please. You will find refreshment and rest in me.

Matthew 11:28-29 TPT

Feeling Like Giving Up Comes From a Faulty Foundation

It’s possible to have God in your life but still feel like giving up. Unfortunately, you can become committed to a life strategy that doesn’t work. If so, it’s either based on a lie or it’s not the right approach for you. A faulty strategy is based on lies.

“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.”

Matthew 7:24-27 ESV

Rebuild Your Foundation When You Feel Like Giving Up

What is your life based on? Do you know why you are doing what you’re doing? Do you have at least one primary, life-giving motivation? If you don’t, you’ll find no gas in your tank to draw on when the going gets tough. A life founded on the rock looks like the following:

  • You have a clear purpose and act on it consistently.
  • You ask God to help you advance His kingdom.
  • You ask God to purify your motives.
  • You trust God to multiply your efforts.
  • You surrender the outcome to God.

You can overcome when you feel like giving up when you understand God is responsible for the results (the fruit). God causes all things to grow. You only need to be faithful to the resources God has given you. Only God has the power to make good things happen, but your contribution is important.

I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. The one who plants and the one who waters have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own labor. For we are co-workers in God’s service; you are God’s field, God’s building.

1 Corinthians 3:6-9 NIV

It’s natural (in our sin) to want to be able to control the outcomes in life, but only God is in control. Instead of giving up on God, give up your desire to be self-sufficient. If you can see yourself as partnering with God, then you’ll be more willing to let God help you align your desires to His desires.

Don’t give up. Don’t lose sight of who God is and who He made you to be. God loves you and has a plan for your life. You can find your purpose, live your purpose, and enjoy your life.

Learn more about why you should never give up.
Photo From: https://www.si.edu/object/signal-flag-pole:nmaahc_2017.111.19
Last Updated 2023/12/24

Filed Under: Emotional Honesty, Identity, Self-Image Tagged With: purpose, self-worth

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