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Consider This Confident Attitude

Consider This Confident Attitude

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Reading time: 4 minutes

Think about something discouraging that has happened recently. Be confident and say, “I don’t care.” Can you say it like you really mean it?

What does this accomplish? Discouragement doesn’t come from God. You don’t have to make room for it in your life.

Of course, I’m not promoting an irresponsible attitude. There are good and bad ways to care.

Good Care Encourages Confident Living

Good care is focused on what is best for a person, even when that person is you. The care you provide, or the care your receive, is based on a genuine need.

When someone provides their input into your life, do you find it refreshing or oppressive? If you care what God says about you and you interpret it the right way, then you’ll feel encouraged. But, if you care indiscriminately and catch the opinion of someone who distorts the truth, you’ll feel hopeless.

Because God cares, He works to fulfill His desires. When you care like God, you can work to fulfill your desires too.

Bad Care Encourages Fearful Living

You can’t be fearful and confident at the same time. You can’t be loyal to the truth and to what is untrue at the same time. Bad care is focused on others’ opinions of you at the expense of truth. In this case, your motive for your behavior is too tightly bound to what others think you should do.

It’s like tolerating an uncomfortable hug. It’s an invasion of your personal space. You honestly don’t want that kind of hug. But it’s like you are lying when you accept the hug you don’t want. Then you’re left to feel icky about what you did, instead of making others aware of your preferences.

Try The Confident “I Don’t Care”

We are constantly evaluating everything that we experience. If you are used to caring too much about what others think, you might not even realize how you truly feel.

Try this: during the next 2-hours be hyper-aware of every decision you make. Pay attention to what motivates you to reach your conclusion. How much are you choosing because of an outside influence (what they want or tell you is best)? How much are you choosing because of internal prompting (what you want or believe is best)?

It’s okay to consider outside influences if you don’t let them run your life. God made you to be free. He made you unique. If you don’t express who He really made you to be, then the world is missing out on what God deems important.

This attitude might not make you a very popular person. That’s when “I don’t care” becomes such a life-saver. You can only attain true freedom when you live for an audience of one. It’s not that other people don’t matter. However, they must always come in second to God. That’s what makes staying focused on God challenging. It’s an underdeveloped muscle. But it is essential.

Jesus lived only to please God. Despite numerous distractions and painful outcomes, He stayed the course God set before him.

You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.

Though he was God,
    he did not think of equality with God
    as something to cling to.
Instead, he gave up his divine privileges;
    he took the humble position of a slave
    and was born as a human being.
When he appeared in human form,
     he humbled himself in obedience to God
    and died a criminal’s death on a cross.

Phillipians 2:5-8 NLT

To accomplish this Jesus had to “not care” about the opinions of the Jewish leaders. He had to “not care” about the opinion of Satan. He didn’t consider whether He was going to hurt the feelings of false teachers. Instead, He had to care about what God says. He was humble and confident at the same time.

During that time the devil came and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become loaves of bread.” But Jesus told him, “No! The Scriptures say, ‘People do not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”

Matthew 4:3-4 NLT

Realize that what might seem like the right answer, might originate from the wrong outside influence (it might only be politically correct, not biblically correct). You must be merciless in your resolve to not care about what is wrong and determined to care about what matters to God. If necessary, hide what others care about so you can see what God cares about.

So then, in every situation, ask yourself, what does God require of me? What will please Him? What did He create me to achieve at this moment? If you can live this way, you might be surprised at how much you enjoy living.

Read more about confident choices.
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Rejuvenate Your Marriage By Comparing It To A Game

Rejuvenate Your Marriage By Comparing It To A Game

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Reading time: 4 minutes

If I told you to stop playing games with your husband or wife, would that be helpful or unhelpful? It all depends on what “playing games” means.

It might mean toying with your partner. This has the negative connotation of exploiting them for your own benefit. This could mean misleading them through deceitful communication. It’s passive-aggressive at best.

However, it might mean enjoying a pleasurable activity together. This would strengthen your relationship.

As it turns out, marriage and games have much in common. Looking at marriage as a game could help you see it from a fresh perspective. You might even become more excited to play it rather than leaving it untouched on your shelf.

Following are nine qualities that games have (based on the book, The Art of Game Design by Jesse Schell). See how many of them could also describe your relationship.

1-Games Are Entered Willfully

You chose to marry your partner. No one should have to say that they were forced against their will to get married. Relationships thrive on freedom and they break down when one or both people exert unwanted control over the other.

2-Games Have Goals

Just about everything you can do has some sort of a goal. If it has a goal, it has a purpose. You might think that laying mindlessly on the beach has no purpose. But resting and relaxing are beneficial purposes. Games are fun because there is a specific goal to achieve. Who can reach the highest score before time runs out?

Marriage has goals some of which include: developing closeness and intimacy, creating and raising children, enjoying all life has to offer together, and portraying the church and the image of God.

3-Games Have Conflict

Conflict helps determine what is possible and impossible as well as what is helpful and unhelpful. Conflict is an obstacle to overcome so you can claim victory. In marriage, you can receive the fruit of victory when you resolve conflict by playing well together. Fighting fair results in resolving conflict and retaining friendship.

4-Games Have Rules

No rules or spontaneous rule-making breeds chaos. Everyone loses and everybody wins. Life is meaningless without structure and rules. Imagine running a race where each person can declare theirself the winner.

Marriage has rules that define its success or failure. It’s cooperative rather than competitive. You are supposed to seek the best for the other and for yourself. Marriage is the combination of one male and one female.

5-Games Can Be Won and Lost

Games are usually competitive, pitting one player against another. When husband and wife compete with each other, both lose. Divorce is the inevitable outcome of a competitive relationship. Show me a marriage that ends in divorce and I’ll show you a couple that excelled at opposing each other. When a couple stays together to the end, both win.

6-Games Are Interactive

The more interactive you are, the more you open yourself up to change. Just like anything you do has a goal, anything you do changes you. God made us to be always changing. Some experiences are more intense than others, allow for more exchanging of ideas, and therefore produce more change.

Marriage isn’t played alone. Husband and wife are meant to influence each other for the good. God designed each person to be attractive in their own way. Marriage encourages husband and wife to engage with each other.

7-Games Have Challenge

Humans become bored fairly easily. Once we master something, we’re ready to move on to the next challenge. God made us capable of solving challenging problems.

Marriage both has the greatest potential and the greatest challenge of all relationships. This makes marriage a high calling.

8-Games Can Create Their own Internal Value

The resources within a game are valuable while you are playing. For example, once Monopoly is over, the money is no longer worth anything.

In marriage, husband and wife develop their own sense of personal value. They can decide what is important to them. It might not be meaningful to anyone else. They might even develop their own language for communicating that no one else will understand.

9-Games are Time-Limited

People play a game usually for a relatively short period of time. The score is counted. Then the game is declared over. Marriage is time-limited too. It lasts until one person dies and moves on to the afterlife. There won’t be any marriage in heaven.

Based on Jesse Schell’s book I, I came up with my own definition of a game:

A game is a problem-solving activity that allows learning without real-world consequences.

Even though marriages and games have much in common, the above definition provides a clear distinction.

A marriage is a problem-solving activity that allows learning with real-world consequences.

This definition of marriage is general but true. If you find yourself thinking your marriage has become stale try playing games with your partner.

Read The 7 Principles To Grow Your Marriage
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Increase Your Motivation Just In Time

Increase Your Motivation Just In Time

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Reading time: 4 minutes

Who couldn’t use more energy in their life? If you are lacking motivation, how can you become motivated to be more motivated? Becoming undepressed often requires a substantial amount of energy–an amount in short supply for the depressed person.

Just-in-time (JIT) manufacturing started to become popular in the USA in the 1980s. This method attempts to reduce waste by only adding to inventory as it is needed to meet demand. If a manufacturer creates more units than customers want to buy, they will need someplace to store the excess. JIT can eliminate the need to move surplus inventory at a reduced price.

What does JIT have to do with your motivation and your ability to overcome depression?

Increase Motivation With Just-In-Time Prioritization

What happens if you work extra to save extra but die extra early? You have too much supply. In this case, you waste your life working for something that never happens. That sounds depressing. Jesus calls such a person a fool.

Then someone called from the crowd, “Teacher, please tell my brother to divide our father’s estate with me.” Jesus replied, “Friend, who made me a judge over you to decide such things as that?” Then he said, “Beware! Guard against every kind of greed. Life is not measured by how much you own.”

Then he told them a story: “A rich man had a fertile farm that produced fine crops. He said to himself, ‘What should I do? I don’t have room for all my crops.’ Then he said, ‘I know! I’ll tear down my barns and build bigger ones. Then I’ll have room enough to store all my wheat and other goods. And I’ll sit back and say to myself, “My friend, you have enough stored away for years to come. Now take it easy! Eat, drink, and be merry!”’ “But God said to him, ‘You fool! You will die this very night. Then who will get everything you worked for?’

“Yes, a person is a fool to store up earthly wealth but not have a rich relationship with God.”

Luke 12:13-21 NLT

A rich relationship with God is one based upon faith, not upon the accumulation of material goods (consider also Proverbs 23:4).

Now, you might be thinking, certainly, the Bible doesn’t teach that we should live in poverty and beg for food. And you would be right. The Bible often teaches a principle by providing guard rails to prevent you from drifting too far one way or the other.

Just like a factory produces enough products to sell, so you should work hard to provide for your needs without losing focus on what it means to prosper. Spiritual prosperity should take precedence over material prosperity.

Good planning and hard work lead to prosperity,
    but hasty shortcuts lead to poverty.

A hard worker has plenty of food,
but a person who chases fantasies has no sense.

Lazy people want much but get little,
but those who work hard will prosper.

It is good for workers to have an appetite;
    an empty stomach drives them on.

Proverbs 21:5, 12:11, 13:4, 16:26 NLT

In Proverbs 16:26 you can see the benefit of an empty stomach: motivation. If you want to increase motivation, you need to first be aware of your poverty and have hope that you can satisfy your appetite with fruit from your labor.

Increase Motivation With Just-In-Time Spirituality

If you struggle to read the Bible every day, you might be lacking an appropriate appetite for it. The Bible is practical. God means for us to apply it to our lives immediately, not let it sit around in our heads collecting dust.

If you’re lacking the motivation to read the Bible, try to balance out the supply with more demand. Attempt to fully apply what you’ve already read before you read more. Ask the Spirit to help you apply what you already know.

If life has become too demanding and you’re worn out, try to balance out the demand with more supply. Attempt to rest more as you take in more truth from more Bible reading.

Spending your whole life making money leaves no time to enjoy it. But if you attempt to spend all of your time enjoying life, you won’t have any money to spend.

Spending your whole life reading the Bible leaves no time to apply it. But if you attempt to live without God’s wisdom, you will be bankrupt spiritually.

Work hard, but leave form for God to show up and take care of you … just in time.

More about interpreting the Bible.
Info of Just-In-Time (JIT)
More about working hard.
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Act With Authority As You Live By The Spirit

Act With Authority As You Live By The Spirit

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Reading time: 3 minutes

Authority implies both confidence and the power to back it up. How often do you feel confident enough to act with God’s power? If you’re like me, you can never have too many reminders that God is on your side empowering you accomplish His will.

God wants us to act with authority when we are in alignment with His desires.

Act With Authority: Prioritize God’s Kingdom

If God wants something to happen, He can supply all you need to accomplish it. God knows what is most important in life. It’s those most important tasks that will ultimately bring the most joy by fulfilling them.

Sometimes, it’s hard to see what tasks are kingdom-focused. There are so many distractions and possibilities for how to live. The verse below starts with “seek.” Other words for seek are: pursue, explore, investigate, follow. That would imply that out understanding of God’s kingdom isn’t complete.

God also wants us to pursue what is right and reasonable. Believers have the mind of Christ, so we have some idea of what to pursue. Walking in the Spirit and being connect with God’s mind provides all we need to act with authority.

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

Matthew 6:33 NLT

Act With Authority: Don’t Worry

If you want something more than God thinks you need it, then you’ll end up carrying the burden for claiming it.

If you and Jesus are yoked together pulling a great weight, the effort required will be burdensome or manageable depending upon who is more eager to pull the weight.

If you are in a place of submission by letting Jesus lead, He will do most of the heavy lifting. But if in your impatience, you want to move faster than Jesus, you will feel the strain on your shoulders.

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30 NLT

Act With Authority: Work Hard

Allowing God to lead doesn’t mean there is nothing left for you to do. God wants us to labor with all we have.

God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another. Do you have the gift of speaking? Then speak as though God himself were speaking through you. Do you have the gift of helping others? Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then everything you do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ. All glory and power to him forever and ever! Amen.

Ephesians 4:10-11 NLT

Therefore, we should develop a sophisticated believe system that allows for a complex application of God’s truth. We can both be dependent upon God’s strength and fully exercise our own strength. Both require faith because our strength can’t compare to God’s. But God wants us to participate with Him in the pursuit of His kingdom.

As you go about your days ahead, exercise your faith by seeking God’s kingdom. Put into practice all that you’ve learned from the Bible, the Spirt, and other believers. While you do this, be aware of God’s strength working in your life.

I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead

Ephesians 1:18-20 NIV

Grow Your Desire To Advance God’s Kingdom
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Heavenly Healing From The Inside Out

Heavenly Healing From The Inside Out

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Reading time: 3 minutes

Healing from the inside out will last for an eternity. That’s a comforting thought, isn’t it?

Many movies or TV shows involved characters being locked up in a prison. When a prisoner misbehaves, they can be sent to solitary confinement. They might be left alone with no human contact for days, weeks, or in extreme cases a few months.

Solitary confinement is not only a physically deprived environment, but it’s also an emotionally and mentally deprived one too. God made us to need social interaction. But it’s unlikely you’ll receive love exactly the way you want it and exactly when you want it.

Healing Through Connection

Healthy relationships have significant amounts of closeness and separation. Both extremes end up being obstacles to emotional growth. Too much closeness is just as bad as too little closeness. If you lack boundaries, that sense of who you are, you are vulnerable to taking on other’s emotions as if they were your own. A healthy person develops a sense of identity so they can function independently of others.

However, too much separation is no good either. With thick walls, a person won’t feel hurt by someone else. Unfortunately, the walls can become like a prison that fosters loneliness among other negative consequences.

Imagine you are in a room all alone. There are no windows or doors. It’s completely dark. No one can get in to hurt you, but neither can anyone get in to help. This is actually a good analogy for learning how to receive help.

The people on the outside have little, if any, control over what happens on the inside. All they can see is the wall you’ve put up. No one can “fix” another person without their cooperation.

On the inside, it’s possible to make a door and even open it. Any openings you allow can only be locked from the inside. You can lock others out, but they can’t lock you in. You can unlock the door, but they can’t.

Healing When You’ve Lost The Key

What happens though if you lose the key to your door? That makes healing more complicated. Perhaps your “door” has been locked so long that you don’t remember how to connect with others. Then, fearing the unknown, you are reluctant to bother to look for the key.

People on the outside might sense your struggle, but there’s no way for them to unlock the door. You want out, but you don’t know how to unlock the door. You’re so confused you don’t remember how to open up. Or, perhaps, you don’t even want to open up because your fear and shame are too intense.

When you’re trapped inside–that’s mental illness. That’s hopelessness that leads to even more severe depression and anxiety.

How much do you identify with feeling trapped like this? How long have you suffered from loneliness? It’s so easy to be trapped in a double bind. It doesn’t feel safe to stay locked up, but neither does it feel safe to open up. You desperately need help but help feels too intrusive.

Even in this situation, there is hope. God only needs your permission, then He can get inside without a key or even a door. God can bring order to the chaos inside of you. God can bring clarity. God brings understanding. God can help you open a window.

Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.

Revelation 3:20 NIV

God waits with His healing touch for us to desire to let Him in. Healing can only happen from the inside out. But a window lets light through both ways.

You, LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.

Psalm 18:28 NIV

Ask Jesus to help you open the door of your heart so others’ lights can encourage you and your light can encourage them.

Read more about healing.
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Genuine Rest Keeps Your Marriage Afloat

Genuine Rest Keeps Your Marriage Afloat

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Reading time: 3 minutes

You can’t rest if you’re treading water. If you have become too tired in life or in your marriage, you might need to swim to shore. I like analogies. They’re fun to work with because they can teach an abstract idea through a concrete picture.

I sometimes use swimming as an analogy for how to develop a healthy relationship. Water isn’t a human’s natural habitat. We were born out of water and into the air. No one can last but a few minutes underwater without needing to replenish their air supply. No one can tread water forever.

Without Rest You Won’t Last Long

Swimming takes an enormous amount of energy. Relationships do too. No one will last long if they try to make it through life alone. We need other people in our lives; we especially need God.

Imagine you are swimming in an ocean with your spouse. You can’t touch the bottom. You can’t see the shore. It won’t take long for you to become too tired to remain afloat. All you can do is tread water.

If you become tired and start to go under, you would naturally reach out for something or someone to help you keep your head above water. If the person you are with is also tired, grabbing onto them probably won’t help much, at least not for very long. It’s possible it could even accelerate the problem.

A desperate person will attempt to cling to whatever is in from of them. When you cling to your spouse in a panic, you might end up pulling them under with you. Clinging to your spouse only creates a false sense of hope. If you’re both tired, you’re better off keeping your distance. Unfortunately, when you are caught up in the emotions of a relationship, it’s difficult to be aware of how dependent you are and the subsequent danger.

An Abundance Of Rest Can Keep You Strong

Thank God that we weren’t meant to experience life alone. An individual can have family and friends. But, more importantly, each of us can rely on God to keep us afloat. Each person in a marriage needs to learn how to swim independent of the other, but sustained by God at the same time. To continue the analogy, God would be like a large rock sticking up out of the ocean. If you become tired, you could take a break by resting on the rock, instead of attempting to rest on your spouse.

Psalm 62 doesn’t mention swimming, but it certainly points out that God is the only true place of rest and security:

Truly my soul finds rest in God;
my salvation comes from him.
Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

Psalm 62:1-2 NIV

God rescues us from our failing self-effort. He is the only true place of rest, energy, and strength. Because everyone else is treading water too, there’s no guarantee they will be reliable. Only God the rock is resting on the ocean floor. He is the only safe place that guarantees you will never drown.

Psalm 62 ends by saying that God is powerful and kind. Cling hard to God whenever life circumstances toss you around like ocean waves. If a marriage is failing, the primary reason is usually because one or both people try to cling harder to their spouse (or someone other than their spouse) than they try to cling to God.

God means for husband and wife to cling to each other too. A lifeguard doesn’t spend all their time in the water. They keep watch over swimmers from the shore. You can be there for your spouse, at least in short bursts of energy, if you’ve had sufficient rest on the rock.

Finish reading Psalm 62.
Read more about finding rest.
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