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How To Grow More Confident

How To Grow More Confident

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Reading time: 3 minutes

Who wants to be confident? Everybody does That’s because possessing confidence means you have resilience, reliability, and strength. We are all familiar with what its opposite involves: self-doubt, insecurity, and discouragement. The cost of a lack of confidence is high.

So, why aren’t more people brimming over with confidence? Because it comes with a price. Are you willing to endure whatever it takes to gain this sense of peace and security?

To become strong, you first need to be more fully in touch with the ways you are weak. How aware are you of how you are doing emotionally? Fortunately, there is a shortcut to finding and building your endurance and confidence.

Listen To Your Body To Grow Confident

When I go running for more than a few minutes, my focus changes. As fatigue sets in, I have to motivate myself to keep going. I become more aware of the finish line. How much farther do I have to go? Will I be able to make it without stopping?

Fatigue can result in discouragement or you can allow it to produce a determination to keep going. When I become fatigued while running, it’s nearly impossible not to notice the strain on my body. But what is more interesting is how my physical health and my emotional health are linked.

God made our brains to store similar experiences together. Running triggers my brain to focus on the theme of whatever is desperately concerning me. When my body protests because of the physical strain, my brain brings my most serious emotional concerns into my awareness. I become flooded with what matters most to me. The thoughts can be obstacles on my path to a life well-lived.

Test Your Limits To Grow Confident

To grow in endurance, you have to test your limits. The testing identifies weak areas that need strengthening. Growth is stressful, usually requiring an upfront investment for a future payoff. Growth costs you your immediate state of relaxation.

When we can trust God with this process, the value of the reward far exceeds the stress.

Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory.

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

Romans 5:1-5 NLT

God is saying your problems and trials lead to a satisfying, secure, and confident hope. The development of character is the proof of your salvation–your entrance into heaven and eternal life. Furthermore, a heart full of love has no room for fear.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

1 John 4:18 NIV

The next time you want to feel better, try wearing yourself out exercising (or whatever works for you). Then note what surfaces in your mind. That could be an area of weakness that God is working on so you can feel more confident.

We can see life as a painful struggle, but God sees it as endurance training. And endurance results in many good things such as peace, confidence, and character.

Read more about confidence.
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Last Edited 2023/01/29

Consider This Confident Attitude

Consider This Confident Attitude

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Reading time: 4 minutes

Think about something discouraging that has happened recently. Be confident and say, “I don’t care.” Can you say it like you really mean it?

What does this accomplish? Discouragement doesn’t come from God. You don’t have to make room for it in your life.

Of course, I’m not promoting an irresponsible attitude. There are good and bad ways to care.

Good Care Encourages Confident Living

Good care is focused on what is best for a person, even when that person is you. The care you provide, or the care your receive, is based on a genuine need.

When someone provides their input into your life, do you find it refreshing or oppressive? If you care what God says about you and you interpret it the right way, then you’ll feel encouraged. But, if you care indiscriminately and catch the opinion of someone who distorts the truth, you’ll feel hopeless.

Because God cares, He works to fulfill His desires. When you care like God, you can work to fulfill your desires too.

Bad Care Encourages Fearful Living

You can’t be fearful and confident at the same time. You can’t be loyal to the truth and to what is untrue at the same time. Bad care is focused on others’ opinions of you at the expense of truth. In this case, your motive for your behavior is too tightly bound to what others think you should do.

It’s like tolerating an uncomfortable hug. It’s an invasion of your personal space. You honestly don’t want that kind of hug. But it’s like you are lying when you accept the hug you don’t want. Then you’re left to feel icky about what you did, instead of making others aware of your preferences.

Try The Confident “I Don’t Care”

We are constantly evaluating everything that we experience. If you are used to caring too much about what others think, you might not even realize how you truly feel.

Try this: during the next 2-hours be hyper-aware of every decision you make. Pay attention to what motivates you to reach your conclusion. How much are you choosing because of an outside influence (what they want or tell you is best)? How much are you choosing because of internal prompting (what you want or believe is best)?

It’s okay to consider outside influences if you don’t let them run your life. God made you to be free. He made you unique. If you don’t express who He really made you to be, then the world is missing out on what God deems important.

This attitude might not make you a very popular person. That’s when “I don’t care” becomes such a life-saver. You can only attain true freedom when you live for an audience of one. It’s not that other people don’t matter. However, they must always come in second to God. That’s what makes staying focused on God challenging. It’s an underdeveloped muscle. But it is essential.

Jesus lived only to please God. Despite numerous distractions and painful outcomes, He stayed the course God set before him.

You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.

Though he was God,
    he did not think of equality with God
    as something to cling to.
Instead, he gave up his divine privileges;
    he took the humble position of a slave
    and was born as a human being.
When he appeared in human form,
     he humbled himself in obedience to God
    and died a criminal’s death on a cross.

Phillipians 2:5-8 NLT

To accomplish this Jesus had to “not care” about the opinions of the Jewish leaders. He had to “not care” about the opinion of Satan. He didn’t consider whether He was going to hurt the feelings of false teachers. Instead, He had to care about what God says. He was humble and confident at the same time.

During that time the devil came and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become loaves of bread.” But Jesus told him, “No! The Scriptures say, ‘People do not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”

Matthew 4:3-4 NLT

Realize that what might seem like the right answer, might originate from the wrong outside influence (it might only be politically correct, not biblically correct). You must be merciless in your resolve to not care about what is wrong and determined to care about what matters to God. If necessary, hide what others care about so you can see what God cares about.

So then, in every situation, ask yourself, what does God require of me? What will please Him? What did He create me to achieve at this moment? If you can live this way, you might be surprised at how much you enjoy living.

Read more about confident choices.
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3 Ways Two Identities Become One

3 Ways Two Identities Become One

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Reading time: 4 minutes

How can two people become one? The key to understanding God’s design for marriage is understanding the word “one.” One what? God is not expecting two people to become one person. He wants them to learn how to be on one and the same side (on the same team).

Where do you want to go for dinner?

I don’t care. What do you want?

I’m feeling like Mexican.

That’s fine with me.

I could also go for a hamburger.

Either one sounds good.

Where would you like to go?

I could eat a hamburger. Or, Mexican sounds good, too.

Which would you prefer?

I’m okay either way.

Be Defined So You Can Become One

To maximize emotional closeness with someone, you must be able to clearly define who you are.

True intimacy is the meeting of two well-defined people. To the degree that one or both people are not defined, you lose intimacy. How could you be intimate with someone who never has an opinion or preference?

I took some red play-dough and some grey clay and made three different scenarios as you can see in the post’s image.

The left scenario represents two distinct people with some distance between them. They aren’t making contact, so they can’t experience each other.

The two right scenarios represent couples that have made contact. The top scenario has one color and one shape. This couple thinks they have become one when in reality they’ve lost their individual identities. Trying to be what the other person wants without defining who you are is a recipe for deeper confusion and exhaustion.

The bottom couple has one shape but retains two distinct colors. This couple can choose to function as a team while still remaining fully aware of their distinct, God-given identities. They have the benefits of togetherness and individuality.

Remain Two So You Can Become One

God’s design for marriage means that a man and a woman become one. One what? One flesh. Not one spirit. Not one identity. Not one soul.

For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. – Genesis 2:24

and the two shall become one flesh; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. -Mark 10:8

Becoming one flesh means a husband and wife are on the same team. There are two people and one team. What happens to one has a significant impact on the other. Yet, both husband and wife retain their individual distinctions (personality, opinions, etc.).

Resolve Conflict So You Can Become One

When two people define themselves in a close relationship, they’re bound to stir up some conflict. Conflict in this context is good. Conflict sets the stage for intimacy. Conflict helps two people define where the boundary is between them so that neither loses their self in the process of coming together.

To resolve conflict, you must know your boundaries. You must know yourself and what you want. You must also know and accept the other person’s limitations.

Finally, after you both know what you want, you must communicate this to each other to reach an understanding. You enter into negotiations to determine how to maximize the resolution for the greater good of both of you.

The challenge with this is no one knows their self perfectly. Once you move closer to another, all kinds of fears can surface. They all center around acceptance or rejection. There are ways to make intimacy easier or make it impossible.

The more a person depends on their spouse to make life happy, pleasant, or even just bearable, the more conflict resolution will be impossible. When hope is set on anything but God’s saving grace, life will be more challenging.

Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

1 Peter 1:13 ESV

If relationships are roads, then the fears of intimacy are the potholes. You can deny that potholes exist (avoid conflict) or accept their existence (embrace conflict). The following post continues this discussion in more detail. For now, what’s for dinner?

Why Two Identities Struggle to Resolve Conflict
Choose Faith When All Seems Pointless

Choose Faith When All Seems Pointless

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What is it like to walk by faith? When I purchased my house, I wondered if I was making the right decision. I said as much to my realtor who was quick to reply, “You won’t really know until you’ve lived there a while.” At the time, I found his comment frustrating and equally irritating. I wanted to know before, not after. He only seemed to be confirming that I was making a mistake.

Now, having lived in this house for a while, I can see how it is both a blessing and a curse (so to speak). I know my house. I know its location, what rooms I like, and what rooms I don’t. This revelation has only come because I’ve lived here.

I’m not sure what would have happened if I hadn’t purchased it. Well, actually, I can say for sure that I’d be living somewhere else. But it was this house I decided to purchase. And it has moved my life forward in some ways did not anticipate.

Do you feel stuck? Do you wonder what you are supposed to do with your life? Do you have a big decision looming but you never seem to know enough to make it? Does making no decision seem the like best decision?

What is Faith Really?

If you are in a boat, but it isn’t moving, you are dead in the water. Taking some kind of action allows you to evaluate your decision and make any course corrections.

Faith is really action taken while being mindful of God. Nobody knows what is going to happen next in life. But life isn’t meant to be lived on the sidelines. It’s not meant to be lived adrift on the ocean without direction.

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

Hebrews 11:1 NIV

There isn’t any way to know what will happen until after some steps forward. You can make an educated guess, but the only way to know for sure is to live and then look back and see how you did.

Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forward.

–Soren Kierkegaard

Faith is not Reckless

Hopefully what I have said so far has freed you up some. You don’t need to feel guilty about the decisions you have made. Life is for living. Living means being active in pursuit of something. Give some aspect of life all that you’ve got.

I am not advocating for reckless actions without consideration of God’s direction and what seems wise and prudent. You won’t get very far without God anyway. A sailboat is powered by the wind. This is similar to the Christian life.

The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.’

John 3:8 NIV

For your boat to move, you must put out your sail. For your life to move you must put out your faith.

God knows that you don’t know exactly what is going to happen next. He prefers that you focus on unfurling your faith while He focuses on fueling your fate.

Life is not pointless, but it can seem futile sometimes. If you become discouraged and feel safe with indecision, remember that one of the devil’s main goals is to encourage ineffective living. Take some time to read the parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14-30). Consider how you can put your God-given abilities to work and hear someday:

“His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’

Matthew 25:21 NIV

More about the Journey of Faith
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God Always Remembers Who You Truly Are

God Always Remembers Who You Truly Are

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Do you remember what you looked like when you were sixteen? The older you are, the more difficult it will be, unless you look at a picture. But God knows exactly what you look like in your prime.

All of us begin aging from the moment of conception. At first, this is a fantastic idea. We become bigger, stronger, and even develop a more capable intellect. But there does come that moment when aging catches up with us. What was once wonderful becomes discouraging.

The problem isn’t so much putting on the years as it is suffering from a deteriorating body. From about midlife on, we become weaker on the outside, even if we are thriving on the inside. Our outside appearance no longer reflects the strength and beauty that God built into our souls. Physically we are dying.

The good news is that we can be spiritually better than ever (2 Corinthians 4:16). God will continue to renew our spirits if we let Him. Hopefully, as we give up our youthful vigor we are wise enough to gain spiritual vigor.

God Never Forgets What You Look Like

God made us in His image (Genesis 1:27). Every human being retains that image, no matter their eternal status. To be human is to bear the image of God. His image cannot be removed from our identity even when we are fallen, sinful, and His enemies. Even then we are still worth redeeming, otherwise, why would God bother with us? (1)

Before we are born again, we are alienated from God. We lack the understanding of our true potential. We are so disfigured that we cannot perceive our true identity. We see ourselves as though looking through a distorted mirror (1 Corinthians 13:12). It’s as if we are made from soft clay and our faces have been smeared and become unrecognizable.

Before you are born again, you are lost, unable to reach God through your effort. But He always knows where to find you. More than that, your appearance is distorted, but He knows exactly who you are at all times (Ephesians 2:8-10). Share on X

Recall yourself on your worst day, while you were still a sinner and in conflict with God. From His perspective, though your fallen nature is evident, He “remembers” who you really are. He knows your true design and highest potential. From your perspective, you are lost in sin and might feel worthless. On the most difficult days, it’s easy to forget how you look through God’s eyes.

God Will Always Remind You Who You Are

You might be lost and disfigured, but God has a mission to bring clarity to your vision. The image of who you really are drives Him forward. Even when you’re at your worst, He never loses sight of you at your best. He really loves you and pursues you relentlessly.

When He catches your attention and you accept His love, what a glorious day! He cares and begins a cleanup and a clear-up process to help you see yourself as He sees you. The mirror in your head, your self-image, once hopelessly dirty, becomes clearer every day. (2)

Even if you are already saved, you need constant reminders of who you really are. God, as the keeper of your true identity, can continuously feed you this truth.

God is calling you to your true self — His original design and intentions. He saves you from complete destruction and then allows you to participate in pursuing and redeeming others.

Can you hear God calling you now? Can you sense Him waking you up? Take a moment to thank Him that He knows your identity and even when you feel lost, you don’t have to be anxious.

God will never stop helping you see the truth of who you are and who He is!

Read more about seeing yourself as God sees you.
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(1) See what-it-means-to-be-made-in-the-image-of-god
(2) Helpful: ywammontana.org/new-creation
Last updated 2023/01/01

Transform Fake Happiness Into Genuine Joy

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Reading time: 3 minutes

You can only be conscious of a few things at any one time. But there are many thoughts and feelings that live beneath the surface. The important ones will attempt to surface, especially the negative and painful ones. Chances are, you’re not excited about allowing them to surface. That’s why you might choose fake happiness instead of genuine joy.

To explain the problems with this situation, I like to use the analogy of a child and a parent. The child wants to express the pain and be comforted. The rational-focused parent says, “not now, I’m busy.” There is definitely a need for the rational parent, because most of the time, it’s not practical or healthy to let a complaining child have full control.

However, “not now” can easily become “never.” It’s easy to procrastinate when uncomfortable feelings are pushing their way to the surface. A balance is needed. The head (the parent) should remain in control, but the head should provide the needed time for the heart (the child) to share its concerns.

Without time to express feelings, a person will become more and more compartmentalized. A small to moderate amount of compartmentalization is helpful when it’s time to be a responsible adult. But the deeper a memory is buried with passing time, the easier it becomes to believe the memory isn’t a part of the real you. And, that’s a dangerous position to be in.

Your personal history shouldn’t be erased because doing so will increase the likelihood of repeating your mistakes. If you can’t remember what you already tried, including how it turned out, you may be doomed to repeat history. Instead, there is another option: transform your personal history through healing and forgiveness.

Everything that happens to you provides an opportunity for you to identify and understand who you are. If you attempt to ignore your memories, you will lose a part of yourself in the process. Every time this happens, you become a little less authentic. That is because buried negative experiences continue to leak lies into your self-image. They poison your self-worth. To heal you must bring the truth in contact with your experiences.

If your primary goal is to be happy, then you might choose to ignore unhappy thoughts and feelings. But this will only lead to the need to invest increased amounts of energy to keep up the appearance of being happy. You’ll have to fake it, and, unless something else changes, there’s no way to “fake it until you make it.” You can’t fake your way into genuine joy.

When you fake your happiness around other people, you’ll likely suffer greater depression when you are once again alone. The size of your problem hasn’t necessarily grown. But you will experience it as more painful because you haven’t been able to share your true feelings with another person.

Happiness will endure so long as your circumstances are positive. The minute you experience a setback, your negative feelings will attempt to surface. However, when you learn how to work through difficult feelings, you learn how to maintain joy regardless of your circumstances.

Compartmentalization is an avoidance technique. It produces an immediate strength to get you through the moment, but left in place, it results in permanent weakness. It’s similar to accepting a numbing agent when you have surgery or dental work. You miss out on the sharp pain while you correct the problem. But it would be dangerous to your health to remain numb forever. Likewise, if fixing the problem is too easy, you might let yourself fall into the same trap again.

As you feel pain in life, try to remain aware of it. Include God in your awareness. You can bring the “child” to the “parent” for true healing. In order to grow stronger and healthier, you must give God access to the weakest, most vulnerable parts of yourself.

If you want to become joyful, make time to be completely honest about how you feel about what has happened in your life. Ask God to help you see the truth.

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