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Your Past Is The Secret To Your Faith

Your Past Is The Secret To Your Faith

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Reading time: 3 minutes

Focusing on your past can help you trust God with your future. Many people discount the past. They say things like:

  • “It’s already done.”
  • “I can’t change the past.”
  • “Dwelling on the past is a waste of time.”

Faith is normally thought of as forward-looking. Faith involves trusting during times of uncertainty. Do you know what is going to happen next in your life? The future might be more uncertain than the past, but the past can also instill doubt. Therefore, the past is as much alive as the future but in its own way.

Faith is Required for The Future

The future is mostly hidden and unknown. Even though the Bible is clear about the ultimate future of all believers (in heaven), no one knows for sure when that will happen. Only God fully knows the past and the future because only He is in complete control.

Remember the things I have done in the past. For I alone am God! I am God, and there is none like me. Only I can tell you the future before it even happens. Everything I plan will come to pass, for I do whatever I wish.

Isaiah 46:9-10 NLT

These verses address the past (remember it), the future (God knows it), and sovereignty (God can do whatever He wants). These two verses, then, are sufficient reasons to trust God, or at least to fear Him. So, we have no choice really. We must trust God with the future. But what about the past?

Faith is Required for the Past

If the past is a done deal, why would trust be necessary at all? Consider this: Which has more influence over your present behavior, the past or the future?

The past provides much stronger clues about your identity, the identity of the world, and even God. The past is alive because you are alive. You can remember experiences, draw from their reality, and make decisions in the present. If you have been through an overwhelmingly (or any) negative (or positive) event, it is still likely influencing your understanding of the world and ultimately your behavior.

One can make an argument that we also need to trust God with the past. Experience can remain as unreconciled mysteries. You can be certain that an event has taken place, but what about the meaning of the event? Can you be certain you understand historical events?

The past is fully visible and fully known to you, but does it make any sense? It certainly raises many challenging questions such as:

  • Why did such and such happen? What is the purpose of it?
  • Why does God allow so many bad things to happen?
  • What can I learn from it? How is it relevant to me?

Your Testimony is Your Past

How has God been working in your life? What is He doing? What has He brought you through? When you can look back and feel confidence rather than doubt, something powerful has happened.

These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.

1 Peter 1:7 NLT

God wants you to focus on the past, so you can remember who He is. This can fuel your faith in Him, allowing you to make faithful decisions in the present. The future might remain elusive, but based on your experiences you can let God worry about the future.

The longer you have lived, the more past you will have to go on, and the less future to worry about. That’s not to say anyone should wish they were older, but to enjoy the present because we are making memories today that will benefit us later.

More about Faith.
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3 Steps To Overcoming Shame

3 Steps To Overcoming Shame

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Reading time: 4 minutes

Shame is the inability to tolerate being known. There is no end to being known. Every day is new. Every day brings more ways you can know and be known. This can be threatening to the person who feels shame intensely.

Shame results from becoming confused about the truth after lies are introduced into your mind. The lies provide an alternative to the truth and therefore an alternative to trusting God.

People who feel shame will instinctively hide: from themselves, from others, and from God. This is exactly what Adam and Eve did after they ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. They acquired a sense of their inadequacy because they could no longer believe God.

“You won’t die!” the serpent replied to the woman. “God knows that your eyes will be opened as soon as you eat it, and you will be like God, knowing both good and evil.”

The woman was convinced. She saw that the tree was beautiful and its fruit looked delicious, and she wanted the wisdom it would give her. So she took some of the fruit and ate it. Then she gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it, too. At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves. When the cool evening breezes were blowing, the man and his wife heard the LORD God walking about in the garden. So they hid from the LORD God among the trees.

Genesis 3:4-8 NLT

The opposite of hiding in shame is being authentic. Here are three practical ways to reverse the effects of shame.

Know Yourself to Overcome Shame

Before you can share yourself with others, you must first be willing to know yourself.

Being willing to be known is a discipline. Sometimes the cost of being known isn’t worth the reward. Hiding seems better than facing the humiliation of being known. There are times when you won’t be ready for the exposure. That’s okay for the moment.

However, the more you hide, the more you remain hidden even from yourself. It’s not that you’ve forgotten who you are, but more like you’ve never given yourself a chance to understand who you are.

But hiding in shame isn’t really an option for the Christian. God won’t let you hide forever. You are salt and light (Matthew 5:13-16). He calls each of us out of hiding and into a relationship with Him, others, and ourselves.

The more you know the truth about yourself, the more you’ll know how you can contribute to others. You don’t always have to receive; eventually, you’ll know what you can give.

Study and Journal to Overcome Shame

If you struggle to tolerate being known, keeping a private journal is the least risky way to begin. Make time to write consistently. As you journal and reread your writing, you begin to see yourself from an outside perspective.

What should you write about? Read the Bible and other helpful materials that teach you who you are. Then write about what the truths stir up in your heart.

Share Yourself with Others to Overcome Shame

Choose a trusted person and begin to share verbally. Practice putting into words what you’re feeling inside, entrusting your private life to another. Receive their acceptance and care.

Remember that God is a person too. Pay attention to how He speaks to you whether directly or indirectly through others.

Share publically, but discriminantly. Share more with everyone you know. This doesn’t mean being an open book to everyone. Healthy people discriminate how much they share with each person. However, as you heal, you should be able to share more freely with more people.

Share Yourself with God to Overcome Shame

Some parts of ourselves only God knows. Can you completely put your inner feelings of shame into clear words for others to understand? Maybe. Can you receive the truth of who you are completely through words alone? Unlikely.

As you grow in being genuine with others, you grow in readiness to receive healing from God. His acceptance is the only true antidote to shame. He can address your shame at the core through a deeply spiritual, relational transaction. Essentially, God reveals who He is to you in order to cure your shame.

Shame is difficult to overcome. It’s easy to fear the unknown. And it’s ten times harder when that unknown is you.

Where are you on your journey to overcoming shame?

Read more about Journaling
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Find Purpose Focusing On The Kingdom

Find Purpose Focusing On The Kingdom

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Reading time: 3 minutes

Whenever you are lost, look up. Whenever your purpose is elusive, be mindful of God’s kingdom.

Life can be confusing. God might be mysterious, but He’s not confusing. He is perfectly clear about His intentions for His people. He gave us an example of how to live in Jesus. The rest of life is just details. As long as you are seeking to be more like Jesus, you can pursue whatever course in life that God allows. God’s will is not met by choosing one particular vocation, place to live, or church, but it is met by focusing on God’s kingdom.

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Matthew 6:33 ESV

God’s kingdom begins with the recognition that Jesus Christ, the human-God who lived among us, has something amazing to offer all of us who believe. Jesus has a past, present, and future message for you that is personal. What Jesus has to say is relevant to the whole of your life.

Purpose Has a Context

It is impossible to understand the meaning of life without the ability to see God’s kingdom. Those who can see Jesus and believe He is God will be able to hear God’s voice and know God’s will in daily living. Purpose, then, comes together in the combination of:

  • What needs to be done to further God’s kingdom.
  • What God the Father wants done at a particular moment in time.
  • What gifts and abilities God bestowed upon you.

The context for these three parts is the work God has prepared for us in advance (Ephesians 2:10). You can’t understand yourself apart from God’s creative purposes.

Purpose Has a Cost

Without the connection-to-Jesus context, any work becomes personal effort for a personal kingdom. This is why Jesus tells us to lose our sense of life in order to find life.

Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it.

Matthew 10:39 ESV, NLT

There is a necessary step in the Christian life to be willing to do anything and everything that Jesus wants for you (Luke 14:26–33). This means giving up immediate satisfaction for what will make an eternal difference if the satisfaction interferes with the building of God’s kingdom. Doing so is difficult because it comes with a cost. It takes genuine faith to pass on the immediate for the eternal.

Purpose Has a Focus

For the person who can give up their life, there is complete freedom. Purpose will no longer be clouded by sin, guilt, or shame because of a focus shift.

Without God’s perspective, you have only yourself to focus on. You will more easily become lost in your inadequacies. You can discount and overlook the wonder of being created in Christ Jesus for good works. But when you look into God’s face, you can receive His approval and diminish your shame (Psalm 34:5).

Purpose is Without Equal

Purpose is an active state of living out the unique aspects of who God created you to be in the midst of work (ministry) that is God’s will. Each person can minister God’s grace in its various forms to fulfill God’s will in unique ways (1 Peter 4:10).

Many things in life can be lost, but in Jesus, many things are found and can never be taken away. By God’s grace, you can enjoy the existence that God has given to you. The way you experience and respond to life is personal between you and God.

Read more about purpose.
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The Christian’s Advantage to Lasting Fulfillment

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Reading time: 5 minutes

The secret to fulfillment is hunger. The stronger your desire, the greater your fulfillment. You can strengthen your desires by first being aware of them and then correctly prioritizing them.

You can starve for lack of a healthy desire. When you ache for the right stuff, you’ll be satisfied.

Do you realize you have more than one way to experience fulfillment?

When most people think of their desires, they focus on their immediate physical needs. But God also created you with emotional and spiritual desires, which provide a deeper level of satisfaction. Think of these desires as three stomachs, each with its distinct appetite or craving:

  1. Worldly Desires (food, sex, entertainment, etc.)
  2. Identity Desires (purpose, love, etc.)
  3. Kingdom Desires (glorifying God by living for Christ)

To experience contentment and satisfaction, you must learn how to manage your desires. You can’t rely on one stomach to the exclusion of the others. You’d starve. The secret to fulfillment is attending to all three desires with the right priority and balance.

After your worldly fulfillment reaches its capacity, move on to experiencing and fulfilling your identity desires. As your identity fulfillment reaches its capacity, move on to your kingdom desires.

Worldly Desires

Worldly desires are temporary physical wants or needs. They won’t be around in heaven, or they’ll function differently. Physical desires are like sugar. Sugar is highly desirable but fails to provide lasting nutrition.

Being satisfied, content, and fulfilled aren’t only possible, they’re also God’s will for you. However, gaining your heart’s desire doesn’t mean you can have every possession or pleasure you’ve ever wanted. Having every superficial want met in the way you want it isn’t possible. If you eat too much of the same food, your taste for the food will eventually become saturated.

Instant pleasure is different than lasting joy. Most things are wants, not needs. If you ache too long for the wrong things you might end up getting what you want.

Don’t make the things of life more important than God intended. If you don’t exercise self-control, you could end up getting what you want without fulfilling God’s purpose for your life. Some desires really are distractions and not worth the effort.

Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

Matthew 10:39 ESV

Identity Desires

Identity desires are like organic, whole foods. They fully nourish and fill you in ways that sugar can’t.

Meeting these desires should take priority over your worldly desires. When you focus on identity desires, you reach for the best things in life — the things that no one can steal.

Five longings God meets when you’re His child:

  1. Unconditional Love and Acceptance: God knows who you really are. He always sees you at your best, even when you’re at your worst. God is love.
  2. Persistent Hope: God has the plan to make life better. At some point in the future, life is guaranteed to be perfect and last forever.
  3. Imminent Purpose: God created you to play a critical role in accomplishing His plans. God wants your active participation. God has a specific purpose for your existence. In this respect, you’re indispensable. You aren’t optional or replaceable. You’re significant and important.
  4. Faithful Security: God is always with you. He will never abandon you. He will never leave you nor forsake you.
  5. Meaningful Connection: God participates in an interactive relationship with you. God wants a dialogue with you. God is your father.

God is responsible for meeting these needs. No other person is completely capable like God is. Cloud and Townsend say that relationships are God’s delivery system for all emotional needs. However, you can’t expect or insist any one particular person meets your needs.

You won’t be able to enjoy life unless your identity desires are being met. If you’re unsatisfied with work and life, this probably means a basic emotional need is unmet. When these needs go unmet, your hunger should drive you back to God.

Kingdom Desires

Kingdom Desires are fulfilled by spiritual food. While all healthy desires are from God, kingdom desires are an exceptional hunger for seeing God’s work completed.

Meanwhile his disciples urged him, “Rabbi, eat something.”
But he said to them, “I have food to eat that you know nothing about.”
Then his disciples said to each other, “Could someone have brought him food?”
“My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work.”

—John 4:31–34

You have an advantage as a Christian. You have a stomach (an appetite) for spiritual fulfillment. Humans won’t ever be completely satisfied until they experience a spiritual hunger only God can fill.

Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.

—Matthew 5:3, 6

If your identity desires are met, you should be able to pursue your kingdom desires. But this doesn’t mean you’ll naturally pursue kingdom desires unless you intentionally put them first. To appreciate spiritual fulfillment sometimes you must fast from worldly desires and look beyond identity desires.

God desires that you pursue Christlikeness and fulfill the great commission. When Paul explains contentment to Timothy, he mentions several examples of Christlike behavior: righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, and gentleness.

But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness.

—1 Timothy 6:6–11

Godliness is acting maturely like God. Contentment means you’re satisfied with what you have while pursuing God’s kingdom. Don’t give up the eternal in order to hold onto the temporary.

How fulfilled are you as a Christian? Do you see your advantage? Isn’t God amazing how He created you to have multiple appetites? What can you do right now to ensure you have a balanced desire diet?

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How Two Identities Resolve Conflict

How Two Identities Resolve Conflict

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Reading time: 3 minutes

People can approach conflict in only two ways. Some people prefer to avoid conflict and others pursue it. Often, it seems, that these two kinds of people end up marrying each other. But that’s more of an illusion than reality because approaches to conflict can be quite fluid depending upon what you value most.

For a couple to resolve conflict and become one in a healthy way, they first must know and understand their own values and priorities. You can identify your priorities using this simple exercise. Then you’ll have a foundation for deciding whether you can give in, compromise, or hold your ground.

Resolve Conflict for Minor Issues

For minor issues that are neither right nor wrong, you can be more flexible. Actually, you don’t have to be flexible, but you have the option of being flexible. Here are a couple of examples of this:

  • You agree to paint your house the color your spouse prefers.
  • You agree to a vacation in the mountains when you usually prefer the beach.
  • You agree to visit your in-laws more frequently than you prefer. Optionally, you could decide to stay home and have some alone time.

The key to making a fair decision is to not lose sight of the individual and the marriage. You can’t always insist on doing everything the way you prefer. Neither should you always blindly do everything the way your spouse prefers.

Resolve Conflict for Major Issues

Major issues, such as fundamental beliefs about life and faith, are never meant to be compromised. Here are a couple of examples of this:

  • You believe sexual intimacy is reserved for marriage, so you refuse to progress your intimacy beyond a certain point until after your wedding.
  • Your spouse wants to lie about your finances to save money, but you tell the truth anyway.
  • Your spouse teases you about your faith in Jesus Christ, but you hold fast to your faith.

However, sometimes you can adjust your behaviors without compromising your values. Here are a couple of examples of this:

  • You don’t agree with a particular church’s doctrine, but you attend services there because your spouse wants to. You can still worship God in your heart the way you want to, so your individual integrity isn’t compromised.
  • You don’t drink, but your son will have alcohol at his wedding. You go anyway but refuse to drink.

You make a conscious choice to reprioritize your values. Here are a couple of examples of this:

  • Normally, family is your highest value, but after some personal reflection, you are ready to be more adventurous, so you agree to your spouse accepting a job that requires you to move away from family.
  • Normally, a career is your highest value, but you agree to have a second child.

Resolve Conflict for Difficult Issues

Conflict resolution is easy, right? It is until it isn’t. If you find you can’t come to a resolution in one of the above four ways, you’ll need to go deeper to explore the source of your values. Could you be holding onto a value because of some unmet emotional need? Perhaps something like one of the following is true:

  • You grew up in a home where your parents favored your sibling, so you rarely could choose what you wanted.
  • You were bullied in school, and you never want to feel that way again.
  • Your parents were extremely tight with their money, and you made a vow you’d never be like them.

Emotional scars form the basis for most “unreconcilable differences.” Conflict resolution will be much easier after you pursue emotional healing.

This solution for resolving conflict is the third and final post in a series on two identities developing closeness. You can read the first one: How Two Identities Become One, or the second one, Why Two Identities Struggle to Resolve Conflict, to understand the context.

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Maturity Requires Radical Breakthrough Change

Maturity Requires Radical Breakthrough Change

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Reading time: 4 minutes

Maturity is that process we all go through but also resist. We want the benefits of maturity but not the required labor. The good news is that the sooner you start the process, the less work you have to do later in life.

Start children off on the way they should go,
    and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

Proverbs 22:6 NIV

This proverb is stated in the positive, but it can be equally true for the negative. Whatever we learn early in life, even if negative, can be extremely difficult to change. That’s because whatever we experience early and regularly becomes normal. In this context, normal is like cement. It’s not indestructible, but it takes a lot of work to remove and replace it.

God places in our hearts a desire for meaning and purpose. We can look at life and draw conclusions and form understandings. Inevitably, we will have the opportunity to realize we have developed a distorted worldview. Then, even if it would result in a better, more true worldview, we’d still rather not go through the disorientation of blowing up our old one. So we can stubbornly resist change which is only good if we got it right the first time.

Maturity Requires Love and Discipline

God creates each person with a unique identity. We start with this potential predetermined. But a person’s environment can confuse or conceal a person’s true identity. You can think you are one way (such as worthless), but in reality, you are not (you are valuable).

Parents have a significant degree of influence over their children. There are many different skills needed to be good at parenting, but we will only look at love and expectations. Love can also be the quality of a relationship. Expectations can also be the degree of discipline.

If love and discipline can take on values of low or high, this simplifies parenting styles into 4 categories:

  1. Low Love and Low Discipline = Neglectful Parenting
  2. High Love and Low Discipline = Indulgent Parenting
  3. Low Love and High Discipline = Performance Parenting
  4. High Love and High Discipline = Optimal Parenting

Each parenting style will tend to create a particular worldview:

  1. Neglectful Parenting -> Lost Child
  2. Indulgent Parenting -> Spoiled Child
  3. Performance Parenting -> Perfectionistic Child
  4. Optimal Parenting -> Mature Child

If you are reading this, chances are you are already an adult. The cement probably dried a long time ago. But it’s never too late to improve upon your worldview. What will it take to see significant improvement?

Maturity for the Lost

Someone who has experienced little love (grace, nurture, encouragement, support) and little discipline (correction, structure, firm boundaries) can feel lost. So much is missing that is essential to understanding the person’s God-given identity.

The message parents send: Figure out life on your own.

These people need more love initially and then need to have discipline gradually introduced.

Maturity for the Spoiled

Someone who has experienced a good amount of nurture, but little discipline can feel entitled. This person’s worldview could be something like: So far, everyone has made life too easy, so why shouldn’t it continue that way?

The message parents send: You don’t have to pull any weight. I’ll do it for you.

These people need to learn that God designed them to carry their own weight and also to help others who genuinely need help.

Maturity for the Perfectionistic

Someone who has experienced a good amount of discipline, but little nurture can come to believe self-worth is based on performance. This person’s worldview could be something like: I am only valuable when I perform exceptionally well on my responsibilities.

The message parents send: Pull your weight and everybody else’s too.

These people need to learn that God never meant for them to over-extend themselves.

Maturity for the Mature

Someone who has experienced a good amount of nurture and discipline is probably relatively mature. This person’s worldview is likely positive and balanced: I can love myself and love others, even if it means some suffering on my part.

The message parents send: Pull the weight you were designed to pull.

Hopefully, you can see that only Jesus is able to fully love Himself, God, and others. No parent is perfect. Jesus didn’t have perfect earthly parents, but He did have a complete connection with God.

You can’t be perfect, but you can mature over time and follow God’s calling to be more like Jesus.

Read more about seeing reality clearly.
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