Archives for May 2022

Be Authentic And You Will Belong

May 15, 2022 by Matt Pavlik 1 Comment

Reading time: 3 minutes

Having high expectations is good as long as they don’t come at the cost of being authentic. So, are expectations good or bad?

When you expect too much of yourself, you can never achieve an authentic life. If you are always chasing after some ideal standard, you won’t be able to appreciate who you are in the moment. An inauthentic life is never profoundly satisfying.

However, if you don’t expect enough of yourself, you also won’t be able to achieve an authentic life. You’ll be resigned to your shortcomings. You’ll assume that the way you are today is as good as it gets.

Be Authentic: It’s Okay to Cry

One common way to be inauthentic is to hold back your tears. Big boys or girls don’t cry. But what does it cost you to maintain the appearance that nothing phases you?

Keeping your feelings stuffed inside splits you in two psychologically. The public (or visible) you takes on too high expectations while the private (or hidden) you takes on too low expectations. This puts you in a body that is trying to be two different people at the same time. The more a person insists on living this way, the more likely they will experience a psychological breakdown.

No one should have to pretend to have their life together just to keep a relationship. But it’s all too common for someone to believe I’m too much or I’m too little.

Be Authentic: It’s Okay to Risk

The person you are today isn’t all that God has planned you to be. While being genuine doesn’t mean pretending to be someone greater than you are, it also doesn’t mean embracing a negative self-image. The one is too prideful while the other is too humble.

To seek to be closer to who you really are requires risking exposure. Some people will find out you aren’t who you’ve been leading them to believe. You might also find out that you’re never going to be like someone you idolize. Both of these realizations can produce some sadness.

If you’re going to choose an authentic life, be prepared for some initial disillusionment. But it should resolve quickly. If you work at accepting your God-given identity, you’ll find you’ve only lost what was never true and gained what was always true.

Be Authentic to Maximize Your Belonging

God wants us to embrace exactly who we are: who He made us to be. He gives each of us the faith to see our true selves. Because God planned for you to be your authentic self, you will automatically belong with Him and all your other spiritual brothers and sisters.

You must be willing to understand your identity and act with integrity because others are depending on you to be authentic.

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us. Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other.
Romans 12:2-5 NLT

Don’t compromise who you are (God’s design) for any reason.

Would anyone like to share some ways they struggle to be authentic?

Unbelief Is The Only Unforgivable Sin

May 8, 2022 by Matt Pavlik 2 Comments

Reading time: 5 minutes

Persistent unbelief is the only evidence of unforgivable sin. Have you ever read a seemingly scary passage in the Bible and wondered if you were going to make it into heaven? If so, I have good news. Because you care about your salvation, then you are open the to Gospel message. You are either a believer or you have the potential to become one.

Here are the two verses from Matthew that create some spiritual confusion about the “unforgivable sin.”

Therefore I tell you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven people, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven. And whoever speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come.
Matthew 12:31-32 ESV

The Person Who Believes Has The Holy Spirit Forever

To be capable of speaking against the Holy Spirit, a person cannot already have the Holy Spirit.

Therefore I want you to know that no one who is speaking by the Spirit of God says, “Jesus be cursed,” and no one can say, “Jesus is Lord,” except by the Holy Spirit.
1 Corinthians 12:13 NIV

If you consider the context of Jesus’s statement that blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is unforgivable, you will see that the bottom-line meaning of blasphemy is persistent, absolute unbelief.

If you die while still not believing in the power of the Holy Spirit to raise you from the dead, this is unforgivable; You won’t be in heaven. But, for example, if you became a born-again believer ten years ago, you lied to someone yesterday, and you died today, you would still be in heaven. That’s because by being born-again you have the saving power of the Spirit living within you. Committing further sin does not evict the Holy Spirit. Your sin will grieve the Holy Spirit, but God will never abandon you.

This also means if you at one time in your life claimed, “The Holy Spirit isn’t real,” or “The Holy Spirit has no power to save,” but today you believe, then you will still be in heaven when you die. You couldn’t have committed the unpardonable sin. Peter, a believer, denied Christ three times, but Jesus didn’t consider Peter a lost cause.

The sin of unbelief only becomes unforgivable after you die. Before you die, all sin is forgivable. Even the thief on the cross with Jesus became a believer only hours before his death.

Unbelief in The Power of The Holy Spirit Is Unforgivable

The role of the Holy Spirit is to convict the believer of sin. If a person denies the power of the Holy Spirit, then there is no power that can bring a person to repentance.

Jesus makes a powerful logical argument for why the Pharisees are spiritually blind.

Then a demon-oppressed man who was blind and mute was brought to him, and he healed him, so that the man spoke and saw. And all the people were amazed, and said, “Can this be the Son of David?” But when the Pharisees heard it, they said, “It is only by Beelzebul, the prince of demons, that this man casts out demons.” Knowing their thoughts, he said to them, “Every kingdom divided against itself is laid waste, and no city or house divided against itself will stand. And if Satan casts out Satan, he is divided against himself. How then will his kingdom stand? And if I cast out demons by Beelzebul, by whom do your sons cast them out? Therefore they will be your judges. But if it is by the Spirit of God that I cast out demons, then the kingdom of God has come upon you. Or how can someone enter a strong man’s house and plunder his goods, unless he first binds the strong man? Then indeed he may plunder his house. Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters.
Matthew 12:22-30 ESV

In context, Jesus is saying that only a person aligned with Satan would deny that the Holy Spirit has power. Meaning: only someone with unbelief toward God and who attributes miracles to the power of Satan. A person can’t reject the work of the Holy Spirit in their life and be saved.

But, anyone who accepts the work of the Holy Spirit will be saved. As long as you have the Holy Spirit, you have access to repentance and “forgiveness for every sin and blasphemy.”

Jesus’s explanation in verses 22 to 30 is a logical proof. There are two powers: one of evil and one of good. Evil does not work against evil. Good does not work against good. Only an evil spirit can work against a good Spirit (also see Matthew 12:33-37). Only a good Spirit can work against an evil spirit. If a person attributes the work of the Holy Spirit to the work of Satan, that person must be blind to the truth (unsaved). They stand in judgment and condemnation.

A person who is still concerned about their sin still has a conscience which means the Holy Spirit is still working in the person’s life. After a person commits the unforgivable sin, the Holy Spirit cannot indwell the person.

If you care about your salvation and can repent, there’s still hope for you. But for the person who doesn’t care, this person doesn’t believe in heaven or hell, and therefore this person won’t feel any concern about their disbelief. They are ignorant of the truth.

A person who cannot believe the truth does not have access to the power of the Holy Spirit and therefore cannot believe the Holy Spirit is real, and therefore can only conclude that Satan works against Satan, as absurd as that is. The person who so deliberately aligns themselves with absolute darkness and against the light stands eternally condemned. The Holy Spirit cannot grant them repentance.

How about you, are you aware of or ignorant of the truth? It is only by the power of the Holy Spirit that a person becomes aware of the truth.

Read about the full assurance of hope that is yours.
Read about forgiving others.
Image by Marlon Sommer from Pixabay
More about blasphemy of the Holy Spirit:
Eternal Sin. Note: I don’t agree with everything said.
Beyond Forgiveness. Note: I don’t agree with everything said.

Recover From Crushing Betrayal

May 1, 2022 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

Reading time: 4 minutes

A husband’s betrayal causes his wife significant pain. While both are out driving, he loses lost control of his car and smashes into her car. He had been drinking. How can she recover from this betrayal?

Both are thrown from their cars and somehow land next to each other. The husband touches his head and discovers a sizeable bump. The wife can’t move her leg; it’s broken.

The husband keeps mumbling that he is sorry. But his wife doesn’t believe him.

How could you do this to me? I’ll never be able to forgive you. You could have killed me. You need help. You need to fix this so I’ll be able to walk again.

When the ambulance arrives, the wife can’t stop talking about her husband.

It’s my idiot husband who broke my leg. Make sure he gets help for his alcohol problem.

When the paramedic asks if she wanted treatment for her leg, she declines.

This is my husband’s fault. I don’t need help because I didn’t do anything wrong. He is the one who needs to figure out why this happened and how he can make this right. If I get my leg fixed, then he will think this is no big deal and he’ll never stop drinking.

A Physical Accident Should Not Be Different Than an Emotional Betrayal

A physical accident will probably never play out like that. No one in their right mind would refuse to have their broken leg treated. However, I’ve seen an emotional accident create this kind of response in the person who was betrayed. The logic goes something like this:

Why should I be inconvenienced with counseling when it’s my husband who has the problem? It’s his fault. He’s the one who should face the consequences. I don’t need counseling. He does.

This assumes that receiving medical care for a broken leg is somehow different than receiving emotional care for a broken heart. Medical care seems to be deserved but counseling is a punishment. As someone who works as a counselor, this saddens me.

Why are these two healing procedures treated so differently? I think it is because the medical model requires very little of its patients. The doctor does all the work. The patient is usually given pain killers to numb the pain. It’s obvious that a whole leg is better than a broken one. It’s obvious that the broken leg was the husband’s fault.

A person with a broken heart can nurse bitterness for a long time without feeling obligated to do anything about it. Some people might even encourage unforgiveness as a consequence: Forgiveness is a sign of weakness. It can feel like the only leverage a person has against a repeat offense.

A well-known saying applies here. Unforgiveness is like drinking poison to make the perpetrator suffer. But this doesn’t work emotionally either because the victim ends up giving up too much control over their own life just to make a point. Why would anyone want to suffer more? Maybe they are desperate to know if their suffering matters to the perpetrator.

Others have the power to hurt you but they don’t have the power to make you well.

This is an unfortunate fact of life. This is why forgiveness is necessary. Only Jesus has the power to make you well. We appeal to Him through prayer so that we might be healthy again.

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.
James 5:16 ESV

We forgive others so that our hearts are open to receiving God’s forgiveness.

And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.
Mark 11:25 ESV

Forgiveness doesn’t prevent God from working in the perpetrator’s life, but unforgiveness might prevent God from working in yours. Counseling is supposed to be an emotional healing process, not a burden. If you’ve suffered an emotional injury, why not seek all the help you can get?

When you are in a state of unforgiveness, you are spiritually weak. But having forgiven, you are strong. Unforgiveness is about trying to maintain control over something you can’t control. Forgive today so you will be healed.

More about relational health.
Image by Queven from Pixabay