Christian Concepts

Bringing your Potential to Light

Counseling

Sean’s Healing

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Sean continued to act out in high school. Once the victim, he now became the bully. When anyone taunted him, he fought back swiftly. He hunted down those who harmed him, including those that he hadn’t spoken to in years.

One day though, Sean started feeling different. He started feeling a twinge of guilt whenever he saw the hurt on his victim’s face. Sean didn’t understand why he was changing. God was about to draw him into a much-needed healing process.

Sean began to realize how dysfunctional and wrong his behavior was. He made a commitment to stop mistreating others and himself. At first this was difficult and he had mixed results. Some days he ate healthy and other days he returned to binge eating.

When Sean was twenty years old, God led him through some specific memories. Sean revisited his experience with losing his bicycle at 7 years old. He felt the pain of loss like he never had before. This was actually the first time he allowed himself the luxury of grieving his loss.

Sean realized for the first time that he didn’t deserve his parents’ harsh response to someone stealing his bicycle. His parents didn’t give him the opportunity to correct his ways after his mistake. His life in the past thirteen years would have been very different if his parents could have restored him gently.

God lead Sean to specific scriptures that demonstrated how He offers mercy and grace along with the truth.

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.

John 1:14

The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.

Psalm 103:8

Sean became involved in a small group at his church and he told them his bicycle story. God led the members of his group to come around Sean and help him see and experience God’s love. They chipped in and purchased a new (adult) bicycle for Sean. Sean used his new bicycle to get to school and work.

Next week’s post will conclude Sean’s story and explain in more detail how to heal emotional wounds.

Sean’s Bicycle

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Sean loved the bicycle he got for his 7th birthday. It was his favorite color: red.

He rode it everywhere he went in the neighborhood. He especially like to ride his bike to the local store where he could purchase his favorite treat.

One day, upon exiting the store, his bike wasn’t there. He looked around hoping he had simply forgotten where he parked it. But it was clearly not there. His stomach dropped what felt like ten inches and he felt like he wanted to puke.

Of course, Sean was upset about his bike. But that wasn’t the only reason for his distress. He started walking home. The closer he got, the slower he walked. His feet wouldn’t move any faster.

“Someone took my bike.”

His mom, already stressed from the day’s activities, responded in her predictable way, “What? How could you be so irresponsible? How could you… well, you’re not getting another one. Go to your room until your dad gets home.”

Sure enough, his parents punished him for being “lazy.” Not only did he have to cope with losing his bike, but he also had to endure his parent’s hot anger and being grounded for two weeks—a true triple-whammy.

His teen years were filled with more dread. He believed he was “messed up” and carried a heavy anxious feeling with him. He frequently muttered under his breath, “yep, another perfect messup by Sean.”

Sean turned to food to manage his uncomfortable feelings. “I feel better when I eat. Or, at least I don’t feel so bad.” Inevitably this led to weight gain. Unfortunately, this left him open to unkind words from his peers. They snickered and made funny noises behind his back and sometimes even in his face. This quickly became too much for Sean to manage with food alone.

The problems intensified. Sean fought back when picked on. This was only verbal jabs at first, but eventually the depth of his pain produced a physical reaction he didn’t know how to control. The trouble at school only made matter’s worse at home.

Sean entered into a negative cycle that seriously picked up steam during his high school years.

Sean’s story will continue next week as I spend time teaching about healing emotional wounds.

Why There Are So Many Perspectives

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If ten people see a car accident, all ten of them will have a different eye-witness report.

If five people interpret a Bible verse, all five of them will have a different opinion of its meaning.

A husband and a wife will have very different ways to recall the same event.

Why are there so many different perspectives?

Most of the time people interpret life based on their investment. By investment, I mean their convictions—their worldview. A person who has been bitten by a dog will make an investment to avoid dogs. Or maybe they will focus on finding a cure for angry dogs. A parent whose child experiences a serious injury because of a malfunctioning car seat will all of a sudden become interested in how car seats need improving. Or perhaps in an extreme case, they will refuse to let their child ride in a car.

One way to find out what someone really believes is to witness them in a heated argument. The more agitated a person becomes, the more likely they will bypass their filter and speak their raw truth. Their words may or may not be accurate, but how the person feels will come across much clearer.

If (or maybe I should say when) you’re struggling to communicate with another person, the first step should be to gain understanding. Why do they not want a dog? Why do they insist on paying extra for premium safety features? When you understand a person’s investment, you’re well on your way to negotiating a solution to your heated argument.

How Much Pain Are You In?

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When the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain required to change, you become sufficiently motivated to grow. If you’re blocking the pain, you’re holding back your growth. If you’re experiencing more pain than you can handle, you’re too isolated from love.

To grow into your identity, you need God. God is love and only He can restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. I believe Peter was speaking from his experience of denying Christ (John 18:17, 25–27) when he wrote this verse:

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

—1 Peter 5:10

  1. Restore means to return to a former condition, place, or position.
  2. Confirm means to make publicly valid.
  3. Strengthen means to support, increase, and reinforce.
  4. Establish means to achieve permanent acceptance.

Notice the progression. Restore and confirm recover what was lost. God wants to heal you. But strengthen and establish go beyond to the unimaginable. When God establishes you, you’re permanently accepted. God has called you to eternal glory. You can’t get more permanently accepted than that.

Peter experienced God restoring, confirming, strengthening, and establishing him (John 21:15-17). You can, too!

Is this a Cross?

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I recently came across a cross. Or what someone told me was a cross.

As far as I know, the artwork was done with the right heart. The inscription said something like, “God told me to leave the cross open.”

What does this picture of an “open cross” mean to you? On a positive side, it could mean that the cross is open to all. And if that means all who want to develop a relationship with God can repent and accept Jesus’s death and resurrection, I’m all for it. God’s invitation is open to all.

Being a mostly organized person I appreciate order. Most of the time my desires aren’t pathological like Monk (the Obsessive Compulsive Detective). I like symmetry. I also like abstract and symbolic art.

But for some reason, I find this depiction of the cross to be… disturbing. It feels like an attempt to be modern gone bad. It crosses over into something new age. It waters down the truth. It makes the work of Jesus look incomplete and… cheap.

In fact, the more I looked at it, the more I felt uneasy. I see a swastika, not a cross. But apparently, the swastika is a cross of sorts — a hooked cross. To some cultures, it has a positive connotation but to others, it is associated with terror (according to https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swastika).

So, maybe this is a psychological test — a Rorschach of sorts.

What does my interpretation say about me? I’m more of a purist when it comes to truth. I look for the simple truth and become uneasy with trying to dress it up too much.

I like that God made men and women different with distinct preferences. I see consistency and meaning in gender. The physical appearance of our bodies is representative of the underlying spirit and personality God gives us. For more on gender see http://christianconcepts.com/why-gender-is-binary.

Here’s my attempt at an open cross.

I’m not saying this discussion is a matter of right or wrong. But for my own sense of peace and order, the first cross just… crosses a line for me.

What do you see and how do you feel about the first cross?

Sexual Abuse Devastates Identity

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I wrote an article for Darlene Harris, creator of And He Restoreth My Soul Project. Her goal is to provide healing resources for those caught in the crossfire of abuse.

If you suffer from the effects of abuse or know someone who does, this article explains the emotional and spiritual struggles of abuse and offers steps for recovery. Read Part I: Sexual Abuse Recovery From a Christian Perspective. Part II will be posted on May 14.