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If you’re unable to accept yourself, you’re likely missing out on joy. To maximize joy you must appreciate both God and yourself. How can a person worship God but hate himself? How can a person like herself but hate God? The two must go together to maximize enjoyment of life.
How to Reject Your Authentic Self
God created you as you are for a specific reason. Life’s bumps and bruises can deceive you into believing you are someone more or less than you are. If you are not gifted athletically (or some other enviable ability) but compare yourself to those who are, you’ll always come up short and feel less than.
Have you ever tried something and felt inadequate? Or maybe someone told you that you didn’t measure up? If you can walk away understanding, “this isn’t for me,” then you have a healthy perspective. If you conclude that you are defective, you are making it personal, which isn’t helpful.
Are you measuring yourself with the right ruler? God measures you by His original design. Everything else will give you a faulty or inaccurate measurement. But more than that, you’ll feel miserable because there is no way for you to win.
Proverbs 11:1 declar
The Lord detests the use of dishonest scales, but he delights in accurate weights.
Proverbs 11:1 NLT
Are you weighing your value with honest scales? Romans 12:3 communicates the same idea.
For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.
Romans 12:3 ESV
It’s possible to think you accept yourself when you don’t. It’s possible to live with the heavy burden of trying to be who you think God wants you to be. But that can be different than who God knows you to be.
Are you living with an uncomfortable tension of always pushing yourself to reach some ever-elusive goal? If so, you’re never going to reach self-acceptance. You can’t perform your way to acceptance.
How to Discover Your Authentic Self
God’s acceptance is free for His children. Even though we don’t have to work for our value, we must learn our value by who God made us to be.
Below are 7 questions to help you assess how well you know yourself and how consistently you present yourself. Answer the first 3 questions to determine your self-image (how you see and value yourself), the second 3 questions to define how you feel obligated to act to fulfill life’s demands (how others see and value you), and the seventh question to consider God’s perspective (how He sees and values you).
- The thing I like most about myself is…
- I’m at my best when I contribute…
- I feel most connected to God when I…
- Others appreciate me for…
- My job requires me to…
- I feel like a fish out of water when I…
The final seventh question is this: Describe yourself as God sees you through His loving, creative eyes. Be specific. Generate your answer from your heart. Provide a detailed answer related to how uniquely God created you. Now, compare your answers between all the questions. How consistent (or inconsistent) are you?
How to Accept Your Authentic Self
Imagine what it would be like if your self-image, your presented-image, and God’s-image all described the same person. You would act the same way across all different areas of your life, according to God’s design for you. That’s self-acceptance.
Is self-acceptance clear to you? Are you amazed by God’s goodness that He created you to enjoy Him and enjoy who He made you to be? If not, what seems to be holding you back from the joy of authenticity?
Learn more about worship and joy.
Image by Janine Bolon from Pixabay
Last updated 2025/03/02
Matt Pavlik is a licensed professional clinical counselor who wants to see each individual restored to their true identity. He has more than 20 years of experience counseling individuals and couples at his Christian counseling practice, New Reflections Counseling. Matt and Georgette have been married since 1999 and live with their four children in Centerville, Ohio.
Matt’s courses and books contain practical exercises that help God’s truth spring to life:
So what do we do if these questions are VERY difficult to come up with answers?
Hi Sherry,
That’s a great question. I’m glad you asked. First off, I’ll say that to truly answer these questions is hard. You answer them with your life (as you live it). To answer them you must be seeking the answer. Finally, God wants you to have answers.
The reason the questions may be hard to answer could be a few different reasons:
1) It’s possible you don’t know yourself well enough. What this means is you need more experiences so you have substantial answers.
2) Are some questions more difficult than others? If so, which ones? What makes those questions in particular so difficult?
3) The bonus question is a bit of a trick question because only God knows who you are. That question is as much about how you see God. It’s an important question too.
Have you ever seen the movie, Chariots of Fire? In it, the main character Eric says, “God made me for a purpose. For China (to be a missionary). But He also made me fast. And when I run, I feel His pleasure.”
This isn’t to say that you should always or automatically feel God’s pleasure. But there is a sweet spot. God made you for a purpose, and there is no greater feeling than, “running in that purpose and hitting your stride.” Getting there requires practice, ability, and faith.
There is a significant contrast in the movie between two talented runners. Harold runs for his own glory and is filled with anxiety and self-loathing. Eric runs for God and he feels peace and God’s pleasure.
The contrast highlights the difference in the burden being carried. Eric can run “lighter” because he carries less of a burden. He trusts God with the outcome while still giving everything he has in order to win. His running is exercise and effort, but he runs easier because he feels God with him.
I hope this helps. If you have a follow-up question, perhaps I can address it in a future post.
I recommend you watch the movie for inspiration. If you want some quick clips from the movie, search for Chariots of Fire on YouTube.