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If you understand what is happening, you have found an optimized path to an improved situation. In contrast, a lack of understanding only multiplies uncertainty. When aiming at a target, the greater the error in the sighting, the greater the chance of missing the bullseye.
This applies to almost any task, but it is just as valid to relationships. Communication must be accurate if the goal is increasing closeness. The more you can’t see what is going on in a person, the more hopeless and powerless you can feel. Then, if you cannot trust God, the odds increase that you will respond to your situation with frustration or even folly.
Understanding, wisdom, and insight are essentially the same thing. They all mean seeing reality as it is, without distortions or denial. Insight means “see inside.” When you can see behind the scenes, you will know intimately how the product is produced.
The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom, and whatever you get, get insight.
Proverbs 4:7 ESV
A fool doesn’t want more knowledge, doesn’t care about how life works, and rejects absolute truth, favoring his subjective reality instead. He is filled with denial and wishful thinking. Why would someone do this? Learning the truth requires the humility to accept correction. The humble person can say, “Yes, I got that wrong. I can see more clearly now.”
A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.
Proverbs 18:2 ESV
So, it makes sense that the person who can see the reasons for another’s behavior will generally be more patient with them. A fool doesn’t want understanding, so he is limited to exploding in anger.
Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.
Proverbs 14:29 ESV
The person with self-control can hold off on expressing anger. It’s possible because of his insight. He can see that uncontrolled anger is destructive and it does nothing to help another struggling person.
Ignorance Will Lead to Repeated Pain
A lack of discernment can lead a person to make regrettable decisions. Wise people can learn from their mistakes, but foolish people will only dig in deeper. In this sense, regret can be a sign of wisdom.
Like an archer who wounds everyone
Proverbs 26:10-11 ESV
is one who hires a passing fool or drunkard.
Like a dog that returns to his vomit
is a fool who repeats his folly.
The archer does not discriminate between friend and foe; he shoots without a clear target. The fool enjoys the chaos he creates; he has no room for remorse.
In relationships, don’t be the person who shoots off his mouth without considering the consequences of his words.
Understanding Provides Clear Options
Understanding maps out how to set boundaries and make decisions. Conflict can be simplified into options. Options can be negotiated to find an optimal solution. No one likes the frustration of feeling stuck; understanding can lead to a way forward.
Two people in conflict can consider which one has a greater need for healing. Consider asking, “What will it mean to you if we do it your way?” This might allow you to move past the ugly presentation of anger to the hurt behind it. You might get an answer like, “I’ve always had hand-me-downs. The last three cars I’ve had were used. They break down all the time. I want to get a new car. I am willing to keep it for over ten years.”
Of course, some people only want their way all the time. Their demands are often unreasonable, unrealistic, or unfair. In this situation, understanding can lead to confidently setting firm boundaries. Consider responding, “I understand you want to buy a new car now, but we don’t have the budget for that. We can save up for one though.”
Buying a new car won’t fix anyone’s brokenness, but it could be meaningful in the right context. Material goods will be used better after people are convinced of their worth in Christ. Conflict resolution will be most fruitful when emotional needs for self-worth are grounded in the truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
Learn more about healing relationships.
Image by sara felde from Pixabay
