For those wanting to see what this book is like before buying, you can download a preview.
When Failure is Not an Option!
Do any of these describe your experience with marriage?
- Overwhelmed by perpetual unresolved conflict;
- Drifting away from your partner;
- Experiencing the pain of betrayal;
- Confused by the complexity of marriage;
- Afraid to walk down the aisle.
Marriage from Roots to Fruits brings much needed hope to couples who are at a point of despair and intense emotional pain. It is filled with practical tools and real life examples to encourage couples along the path of healing and living victoriously. You will learn details of God’s design for a healthy relationship while experiencing how deeply God knows, understands, and cares about the struggle that can come with marriage.
Marriage: Mission Critical
Marriage is God joining together a man and a woman, loyal to each other for life, who each contribute distinct but equally important abilities towards the completion of a fruitful mission greater than can be accomplished apart.
Unfortunately, a marriage license does not mean we are ready or competent enough to marry. If we continue to think and feel like a single person, we will remain single on the inside even though, outwardly, we are married. How many people have plunged ahead into marriage without a clue? What would happen if no one was required to pass a test for a driver’s license before getting behind the wheel?
Whether you are single, engaged, single-again, or married, this book is for your personal growth. This book is especially for you, if you:
- Are struggling with how to make your relationship work;
- Like to understand how things work—how each part functions in relation to the whole;
- Want to learn the details of God’s design for relationships;
- Like to reflect in order to gain understanding;
- Want a full-brain (left and right) learning experience;
- Appreciate visual diagrams to gain understanding;
- Want to apply the appropriate principles and ideas to bring about positive change;
- Want to make the most of your time in counseling.
God created you with a blueprint which establishes not only your identity (His end-in-mind for you as a work of art) but also your growth journey (the step-by-step plans). However, your experiences with the darkness of this world, sin, and the enemy deface the blueprint and leave you disoriented. A marriage at its best provides an encouraging companion who helps you discover your true identity. But without God, marriage becomes a place of fear and self-doubt.
In Marriage from Roots to Fruits, you will learn:
- How to experience spiritual growth and truly know God;
- How to live in your true identity and ensure individual growth;
- How to enjoy marriage growth and true love for your partner.
This book contains unique counseling insights with strong biblical applications. Pastors and counselors can use it to help couples prepare for marriage as well as heal existing marriages. It is also applicable for married couples who feel okay about the relationship they have, but want to have a stronger and deeper relationship with God and each other.
This book is designed with 52 short lessons which include:
- Concept diagrams: learn the principles visually;
- For Reflection ideas: think deeper about each lesson;
- Experiential exercises: know the truths in your heart;
- Next Steps actions: apply what you learn in your marriage.
Christian Concepts is please to announce that Matt Pavlik’s first book, Marriage From Roots To Fruits, will be published April 2015.
Objectivity in Dating – Part III
How do people end up choosing an unhealthy person to date or marry? In my experience as a counselor, it is skipping over the time in a relationship when objectivity is at its highest. The following is continued from Part II.
Flaws are not bad; no one is perfect. But, some people are closer to being ready for marriage than others. If you marry someone who is farther away, you will need to invest more effort up front to have a working relationship. When someone like Sally is “in love,” he or she will more easily overlook flaws. This can happen because Sally let herself be in such a need to find a car that she is desperate to have the first one that appears to make her feel comfortable. Desperation directly results in a loss of objectivity. The longer she spends with the car, the more attached she becomes to it.
Be Objective, then Subjective
Attachment and passion are subjective. This is good because they can keep a couple together – after they have committed to each other. But before marriage and before going on too many dates, it is important to stay objective and evaluate a potential mate. This requires patience and being tough, some would say. When you are first meeting someone, this is the time you are most objective. The longer you know someone the harder it is to be objective. That is why it is so hard to break up with someone the longer you have spent together – you’ve already formed an attachment. Staying objective early on prevents you from getting into a relationship with a person who is not ready to be in a relationship – due to “maintenance needs”.
The process of selecting a date or a mate is a subjective one. It is supposed to be. But for these very reasons, it can also be a daunting one. Seeing a counselor during this time provides the added objectivity to help you sort through your values and feelings so you can make a wise decision. NRC counselors are available to help you find the right person and be the right person.
- Be willing to act tough (look objectively) on where you are at in your relationship (it’s maturity), while offering total acceptance of each other.
- Consider bringing your relationship in front of a pair of trained eyes, so you can work through any difficulties early in your relationship.
1 Cor 13:7-8
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. Be kindly affectionate to one another … in honor giving preference to one another.
Objectivity in Dating – Part II
How do people end up choosing an unhealthy person to date or marry? In my experience as a counselor, it is skipping over the time in a relationship when objectivity is at its highest. The following is continued from Part I.
Then it happens. Sally is all set to drive to work one day and the car refuses to start! It’s only been four months since she purchased it. When Sally is the owner, the seller is not responsible for the car – she is. She makes arrangements to take it to a mechanic and finds an alternate way to work. The mechanic calls her later that day with the news, “Your car needs $477 worth of repairs to get it working again. There’s also an oil leak. It will eventually need to be fixed and it will be at least $2000.” “Whoa,” reels Sally, “this car I love is costing me dearly!”
This could happen to anyone. Even if a person is careful to select a mate, there are no guarantees. Our relationships will always require hard work. However, it is possible to do our part to avoid unnecessary heartache. It would be nice to think God would always prevent us from buying a car that needed a lot of work, but He doesn’t. At least He doesn’t all the time. And He is less likely (or we are less able to hear Him) if we are not praying and asking Him to help us make the decision.
A Better Way
Let’s take a closer look at what Sally could have done differently to reduce the likelihood of getting a lemon (but note that once you have a lemon you make lemonade). First, it is positive that she took the car for many test drives. This provides opportunities to experience the car and see how it performs in more than just one drive. However, if Sally has already determined that this car is the one for her, she has already lost most of her objectivity. So while continuing to spend more time with her selection, she is only “falling more in love” which means she is increasingly more likely to overlook any flaws.
To Be Continued
Flaws are not bad; no one is perfect. But, some people are closer to being ready for marriage than others…
Stay tuned next week for Part III.
- Before you are married, are you both feeling “in love” and maintaining objectivity to choose the right person at the right time?
- After you are married, are you acting like an “owner” or are you still thinking like a “renter”?
Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, saying, ‘This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.’