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Self-Worth

Are You On The Fringe?

April 25, 2020 by Matt Pavlik 3 Comments

Fringe, a TV show about weird, scientifically unexplainable events in the universe, debuted in 2008. It drew my interest at first because of the possibilities of the unknown. “Fringe” can have a much broader definition than scientific anomalies.

The word fringe has a connotation of “flaky” or “fragile.” If someone is teetering on the edge of an abyss they are on the fringe. They are one step away from slipping out of a meaningful existence. They are like Frodo when he puts on the evil ring; he must fight to not be drawn into the shadow world.

Without Christ it’s easy to become lost into endless pursuit of mysterious unknowns. Maybe there is something of substance beyond the fringe? Maybe an alien race is monitoring our every move. What else is out there?

You can become hooked on the lottery for the same reasons. “Having lots of money sounds good, so it must be a good idea to buy into the lottery” — even though the odds of winning are small. You might say you have a fringe of a chance.

The craving to seek and discover is a good (God-given) desire. However, some people will tenaciously pursue strange, made-up phenomenon, while at the same time refusing to acknowledge the existence of a real God that cries out to them through His creation.

For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.

Romans 1:20 NIV

One definition of fringe is being “at the part of something that is farthest from the center.” This describes the non-Christian quite well. They are present, able to see but choosing to face away from the center and pursue the outermost fringes of God’s creation. They keep hoping to find the fulfillment of their inner hunger in anything but God.

Another definition of fringe is “not completely belonging to or accepted by a group of people who share the same job, activities, etc.” It’s possible to be a Christian, know Christ, but still feel like you are on the fringe. This shouldn’t be so.

Do you feel like you are on the fringe? Are you hanging in the balance? Do you know you have worth, but can’t seem to feel your true worth in Christ?

Christ calls all who belong to Him to move toward Him (away from the fringe). Because of His awesome sacrifice, all who are far away from the center are able to move toward the center.

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Hebrews 4:16 NIV

“I am weird” and “I am worthless” are lies. Just because others don’t understand you (even other Christians) or you haven’t found a way to meet your needs doesn’t mean you are fringe material. Every one of God’s people belongs.

Living according to God’s plan for you means you will need to walk a different path than others walk. You have God’s favor as you walk on the path He made for you (see John 21:20-23).

God smiles as He thinks of you. God is always thinking about you. God is smiling at you. Look up to see His face.

More on the Fringe TV show at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fringe_(TV_series)
Definitions of fringe from https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/on-the-fringes-of-something
Image by Aravind kumar from Pixabay

Filed Under: Core Longings, Feelings, Identity, Self-Image, Self-Worth, Shame, Significance

How To Grow More Confident

March 16, 2020 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

When I go running for more than a few minutes, my focus changes. As fatigue sets in, I have to motivate myself to keep going. I become more aware of the finish line. How much farther do I have to go? Will I be able to make it without stopping?

How in touch are you with how you are doing emotionally? What if I told you there is an easy way to find out and build your endurance and confidence at the same time?

When I become fatigued while running, it’s nearly impossible to not notice the strain on my body. But what is more interesting is how my physical health and my emotional health surface together.

God made our brains to store similar experiences together. Running triggers my brain to focus on the theme of whatever is desperately concerning me. When my body protests because of the physical strain, my brain brings into my awareness my most serious emotional concerns. I become flooded with what matters most to me.

To grow in endurance, you have to test your limits. The testing identifies weak areas that need strengthening. Growth is stressful, usually requiring an upfront investment for a future payoff. Growth costs you your immediate state of relaxation.

But the stress is worth the reward because God gives us so much when we trust Him.

Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory. We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

Romans 5:1-5 NLT

God is saying your problems and trials lead to a satisfying, secure, and confident hope. The development of character is the proof of your salvation–your entrance into heaven and eternal life.

The next time you want to feel better, try wearing yourself out exercising (or whatever works for you). Then note what surfaces in your mind. That could be an area of weakness that God is working on so you can feel more confident.

We see life as a painful struggle, but God sees it as endurance training. And endurance results in many good things such as peace, confidence, and character.

Image by skeeze from Pixabay

Filed Under: Eternal Security, Growth, Identity, Self-Care, Self-Worth, Suffering

All Things New

January 11, 2020 by Matt Pavlik 2 Comments

A traumatic event is not easily forgotten. As you begin this new year, what is one thing you’d like to forget?

If you’re in a car accident, your car doesn’t fix itself. If your tooth develops a cavity, the decay needs to be removed. When something breaks, you must decide what to do with it. Can it be restored? Is there hope, or are you better off cutting your losses?

If nothing will ever change, then hope will be impossible. Then all that remains is suffering.

God introduces the needed change.

I am creating something new. There it is! Do you see it?

I have put roads in deserts, streams in thirsty lands.

Isaiah 43:19 CEV

Because God is making us anew, hope is inevitable. You can change. You don’t have to remain stuck and hopeless. God is rehabilitating you. God wants you to feel hopeful.

Anyone who belongs to Christ is a new person. The past is forgotten, and everything is new.

2 Corinthians 5:17 CEV

Forget what happened long ago! Don’t think about the past.

Isaiah 43:18 CEV

The more you can leave behind your past, the better you will be. “Leave behind” is a loaded phrase. It takes significant emotional work to leave behind difficult experiences (memories).

Therefore, to move forward, you first need to move backward. If your carpet is dirty and worn, you need to rip it out before you can install new carpet.

Grieving is the work of leaving behind. Once that raggedy carpet is gone, you can forget about it. But you don’t want to completely forget about it, otherwise, you’ll be more likely to repeat an accident (like spilling grape juice).

Grieving allows you to remember the lesson, but forget about the discomfort and shame. Forget about it. Don’t worry about it. You are free. Once you are free, you are open to all that God has for you.

What is one new thing you want God to do in your life this year?

Filed Under: Identity, Self-Image, Self-Worth, Shame, Suffering

The Paradox of Humility

December 23, 2019 by Matt Pavlik 2 Comments

No one can claim they are the humblest person in the world with much credibility. But those of us who struggle with self-worth know that confidence is equally elusive.

Somehow though, confidence and humility are the same thing. If you are confident (but not arrogant), you’ll also be humble. And if you’re humble (but not engaging in false humility), you’ll also be confident.

Doesn’t that seem strange that appropriate confidence, the kind God wants us to have, is also a way to express humility? I mean strange in the sense that confident probably isn’t the first word that comes to mind when you think of humility. But how could it be any other way?

God who is all powerful clothed Himself with humanity. If there is a paradox, Jesus represents it perfectly.

To be strong doesn’t mean to be closed or unreachable. God’s strength is approachable. Jesus’s birth offers us the greatest hope possible.

We are creatures of habit. Once we know how to do something, we go on autopilot.

If you’ve ever experienced a negative, false belief about yourself, you know firsthand the intense struggle that is required to put off the false and put on the truth.

You can’t have confidence and humility without also having peace and joy.

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30 NLT

In your quest to become more confident and humble, remember that it feels like peace, joy, and rest. I bless you now with rest for your soul. Amen.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Filed Under: Desire, Identity, Self-Image, Self-Worth, Shame Tagged With: confidence, humility, joy, peace, rest

Overcomer: Identity War

June 23, 2018 by Matt Pavlik 1 Comment

If I offered you a new, crisp one-hundred dollar bill, would you accept it? What if I first crumpled it up and submerged it into a concoction of oil, mud, and blood? The bill might be tattered and dirty, but it’s still worth the same amount.

You have an enemy who wants to drag you through the mud. He wants you to forget who you are. Or, better yet, he’d like you to never figure out or accept who you really are.

Living and Breathing Means Encountering Resistance

You have a force working against you as you discover who you are. If you somehow manage to learn who God made you to be, then the evil one will work to make sure you don’t believe or can’t accept who you really are. He’ll try to get you to think you’re worth less (worthless).

Fortunately for you and I, this strategy of the enemy will backfire eventually, like all of his strategies.

How? Because whatever the evil one plans for discomfort and destruction, God can turn it around and use it for good. Note, however, you’ll still experience some darkness, discomfort, and even some deterioration.

Understanding the truth is difficult when life isn’t working out in your favor. In the end, though, the enemy can only redecorate your life. He can’t destroy it.

Joseph is a great example of patience during suffering. His brothers betrayed him and at the end of his life, he still felt compassion for them. He saw his life events, the good and the bad, with a positive view of God.

As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.

-Genesis 50:20

Growing Stronger Requires Befriending Resistance

Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.

1 Peter 4:12-13

If you want to grow stronger, you must actively face some resistance. All else equal, in light gravity, you lose muscle and bone strength. In heavy gravity, you gain strength.

You can’t live without hope but equally true is: you can’t live without exercising your body and mind.

When who you are is under attack, you must resist the untruths. During the process of refuting what isn’t true, you’ll learn what is true about you.

Therefore, whenever you’re feeling discouraged by life, remind yourself, “I have value no matter what I look like or feel like on the outside. This body I have today is temporary. My spirit is eternal. God’s going to make me a new body in the next life.” And, bonus! God has already started the cleanup process, so you can experience some comfort in this life.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Read through or listen to Mandisa’s songs, Stronger and Overcomer.

Filed Under: Growth, Identity, Self-Worth, Suffering Tagged With: comfort, value

Why Rejection Means You Belong

June 2, 2018 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

If you’re excluded from one group, you automatically belong to another.

If someone hates you, then someone else loves you.

If you’re forgotten by one person, you’re remembered by another.

If someone goes out of their way to reject you, that means you’re significant.

How can these statements be true?

Belonging is conserved. You can’t unbelong yourself from everyone else that exists or has ever existed.

You have a built-in community. You have an identity made in God’s image which means you’re somebody even when you feel like a nobody.

Recognize When Rejection is Good

When you reject yourself, you deceive yourself. This is temporary rejection (God accepts you, man rejects you, and you reject you).

If you reject God and God rejects you, you’ve lost everything. This is bad rejection (God rejects you, man might reject you, and you reject you).

If you’re rejected by the people that reject God, then you belong with God. When you’re enemy rejects you, you only gain. This is good rejection (God accepts you, man rejects you, but you accept you).

The Lord is on my side; I will not fear.
What can man do to me?

The Lord is on my side as my helper;
I shall look in triumph on those who hate me.

It is better to take refuge in the Lord
than to trust in man.

The stone that the builders rejected
has become the cornerstone.

-Psalm 118:6-8, 22

Jesus, the cornerstone, had a lot to say about belonging and rejection.

The one who hears you hears me, and the one who rejects you rejects me, and the one who rejects me rejects him who sent me.

-Luke 10:16

Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters.

-Luke 11:23

For the one who is not against us is for us.
-Mark 9:40

Turn Your Rejection Into Belonging

The less you know yourself, the more rejection stings because you need others to help you learn how to accept yourself.

Think about the worst rejection you’ve ever had to face. Perhaps you craved the attention of so-and-so, but they poured contempt on you. Or you trusted so-and-so and they betrayed you. That’s the worst feeling ever.

What happens when you’re rejected? You just figured out where you don’t belong, which means you also found where you do belong.

Review times of rejection and allow these experiences to strengthen the sense of who you are. For example, so-and-so tells you they no longer want to date you because you’re too quiet. You belong with the people that appreciate you being softspoken.

 

Filed Under: Identity, Self-Worth Tagged With: rejection

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