Abuse

Last week, I ended part two of Sean’s story with him receiving a new bicycle from his small group. This experience, led by God, allowed the truth of the scriptures to sink into his heart. Now he could not only say that he knew the truth as a fact, but he knew the truth as a reality.

Sean’s story illustrates the point that our experiences shape the way we view our identity. Our interpretation of our experiences can be accurate or inaccurate. When we go through a negative experience without a positive experience to counter-act it, we’ll see our identity through the eyes of the negative event.

If we’ve gone through a time of discovering the truth, we’ll know the factual truth about our identity. Unfortunately, this isn’t enough. We must go one step further to experience a positive event that can override the negative event. Only then can we know the truth about our identity as God sees it. We’ll see ourselves properly, through God’s eyes.

How we interpret the events affects our long-term feelings about life. If you’re feeling depressed or anxious, it’s probably because of a negative interpretation of a negative experience. Without a positive intervention that allows you to see the truth, you might end up with destructive behavior toward yourself or others.

I’ve included a diagram below which illustrates how a person can move from a hurtful event, to a healing process, and onto a new reality. I regularly use it with my clients to help them see how their lives became dysfunctional and how they can return to healthy living. See if you can trace Sean’s experiences through the diagram, then try an example from your own life.

Sean loved the bicycle he got for his 7th birthday. It was his favorite color: red.

He rode it everywhere he went in the neighborhood. He especially like to ride his bike to the local store where he could purchase his favorite treat.

One day, upon exiting the store, his bike wasn’t there. He looked around hoping he had simply forgotten where he parked it. But it was clearly not there. His stomach dropped what felt like ten inches and he felt like he wanted to puke.

Of course, Sean was upset about his bike. But that wasn’t the only reason for his distress. He started walking home. The closer he got, the slower he walked. His feet wouldn’t move any faster.

“Someone took my bike.”

His mom, already stressed from the day’s activities, responded in her predictable way, “What? How could you be so irresponsible? How could you… well, you’re not getting another one. Go to your room until your dad gets home.”

Sure enough, his parents punished him for being “lazy.” Not only did he have to cope with losing his bike, but he also had to endure his parent’s hot anger and being grounded for two weeks—a true triple-whammy.

His teen years were filled with more dread. He believed he was “messed up” and carried a heavy anxious feeling with him. He frequently muttered under his breath, “yep, another perfect messup by Sean.”

Sean turned to food to manage his uncomfortable feelings. “I feel better when I eat. Or, at least I don’t feel so bad.” Inevitably this led to weight gain. Unfortunately, this left him open to unkind words from his peers. They snickered and made funny noises behind his back and sometimes even in his face. This quickly became too much for Sean to manage with food alone.

The problems intensified. Sean fought back when picked on. This was only verbal jabs at first, but eventually the depth of his pain produced a physical reaction he didn’t know how to control. The trouble at school only made matter’s worse at home.

Sean entered into a negative cycle that seriously picked up steam during his high school years.

Sean’s story will continue next week as I spend time teaching about healing emotional wounds.