• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

Christian Concepts

Bringing your Potential to Light

  • Start Here
  • Insights
  • About
  • Subscribe

Archives for December 2011

Objectivity in Dating Part III

December 18, 2011 by Matt Pavlik Leave a Comment

Objectivity in Dating – Part III

How do people end up choosing an unhealthy person to date or marry? In my experience as a counselor, it is skipping over the time in a relationship when objectivity is at its highest. The following is continued from Part II.

Flaws

Flaws are not bad; no one is perfect. But, some people are closer to being ready for marriage than others. If you marry someone who is farther away, you will need to invest more effort up front to have a working relationship. When someone like Sally is “in love,” he or she will more easily overlook flaws. This can happen because Sally let herself be in such a need to find a car that she is desperate to have the first one that appears to make her feel comfortable. Desperation directly results in a loss of objectivity. The longer she spends with the car, the more attached she becomes to it.

Be Objective, then Subjective

Attachment and passion are subjective. This is good because they can keep a couple together – after they have committed to each other. But before marriage and before going on too many dates, it is important to stay objective and evaluate a potential mate. This requires patience and being tough, some would say. When you are first meeting someone, this is the time you are most objective. The longer you know someone the harder it is to be objective. That is why it is so hard to break up with someone the longer you have spent together – you’ve already formed an attachment. Staying objective early on prevents you from getting into a relationship with a person who is not ready to be in a relationship – due to “maintenance needs”.

Conclusion

The process of selecting a date or a mate is a subjective one. It is supposed to be. But for these very reasons, it can also be a daunting one. Seeing a counselor during this time provides the added objectivity to help you sort through your values and feelings so you can make a wise decision. NRC counselors are available to help you find the right person and be the right person.

Reflections

  1. Be willing to act tough (look objectively) on where you are at in your relationship (it’s maturity), while offering total acceptance of each other.
  2. Consider bringing your relationship in front of a pair of trained eyes, so you can work through any difficulties early in your relationship.

Resources

1 Cor 13:7-8

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

Read on Bible Gateway

Ro 12:9-10

Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. Be kindly affectionate to one another … in honor giving preference to one another.

Read on Bible Gateway

Filed Under: Dating, Marriage Tagged With: appcontent

Primary Sidebar

Recent Posts

  • 2 Helpful No-Guilt Negative Emotions
  • Discernment Is Better Than Judgment
  • Know Your Priorities To Increase Life Satisfaction
  • Brokenness Is Beautiful
  • Pain Is A Fierce Enemy And A Pivotal Ally

Never miss an insight

Recent Comments

  • 2 Helpful No-Guilt Negative Emotions - Christian Concepts on Is Emotion an Obstacle or a Bridge?
  • Discernment Is Better Than Judgment - Christian Concepts on Why Your Feelings Are Important
  • Know Your Priorities To Increase Life Satisfaction - Christian Concepts on How Two Identities Resolve Conflict
  • Brokenness Is Beautiful - Christian Concepts on Push Through Fear and Find Hope
  • Pain Is A Fierce Enemy And A Pivotal Ally - Christian Concepts on Your Pain Will Guide You

Topics

  • Abuse
  • Core Longings
  • Counseling
  • Dating
  • Desire
  • Eternal Security
  • Fear versus Faith
  • Feelings
  • Forgiveness
  • Gender
  • God's Kingdom
  • Grace
  • Growth
  • Healing
  • Heart Attitude
  • Hope
  • Identity
  • Longing for God
  • Marriage
  • Priorities
  • Publishing
  • Purpose
  • Self-Care
  • Self-Image
  • Self-Worth
  • Shame
  • Significance
  • Suffering
  • Theology

Archives

  • February 2021
  • January 2021
  • December 2020
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • July 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • September 2017
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • June 2012
  • April 2012
  • March 2012
  • January 2012
  • December 2011
  • September 2011
  • August 2011
  • July 2011
  • June 2011
  • May 2011
  • April 2011
  • February 2011
  • December 2010
  • November 2010
  • October 2010
  • July 2010
  • June 2010
  • May 2009
  • April 2009
  • March 2009

Footer

Follow

  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

© 2003–2021 · New Reflections Counseling, Inc. · Christian Concepts Publishing · Privacy Policy